Chapter Nine

WARNING! Major chick flick ahead...

THEN

"Dean," said Bobby.

Dean looked over at him.

"Who are you talking to?" asked Bobby.

Dean frowned. "What do you mean, who am I talking to? I'm talking to Sam."

Bobby and John exchanged an uneasy look.

"Dean, Sam isn't here," Bobby told him.

Dean stared at him and then looked at Sam. Sam had a sad look on his face. Dean looked back at them.

"Not here?" said Dean, motioning towards Sam. "He's sitting right there."

John took a deep breath. "Dean…Sam doesn't exist."

NOW

Dean stared at John, unable to think of a reply. Sam, not real? That was impossible. Sam was right there. John had raised the two of them. Even if Mary wasn't killed by a demon, John still handed a six-month-old Sam to him and told him to run outside and don't look back. Why would he say he doesn't exist?

"Are you blind?" said Dean. "He's right there."

"Dean, you never had a brother," said John. "Until Adam, anyway. You were an only child."

"Dad, why are you—" began Dean. "Why are you saying this? You know Sam. He's your son. You gave him to me the night Mom died and told me to take him outside."

"Dean, you imagined him," said John.

Dean shook his head, eyes wide. No…not this…anything but this…

"No," Dean muttered.

"Dean, you hallucinated a younger brother," said John.

"I didn't hallucinate anything!" said Dean. "He's real. Can't you see him?"

Dean looked at Sam, who still had that sad look on his face.

"You wanted someone to protect," said John. Dean looked at him. "Having not been able to save your mother, you wanted someone to look after and keep safe…as a way of redeeming yourself for not saving Mary."

"No!" yelled Dean. "It's not true!"

"For years, I thought Sam was just an imaginary friend you would grow out of," said John. "But by the way you interacted with him and how many years you imagined him, I realized it was more serious. But I left it alone. For having been through what you went through, I was grateful you weren't worse off." He paused sadly. "I guess I was wrong."

Dean shook his head. "I'm not hallucinating anything. He's your son, Dad. He studied law at Stanford University. He got his law degree in 2007. He married Jessica. He is sitting…right…here!"

"Dean, Bobby and I have tried to get through to you before," said John. "We tried to make you see that Sam wasn't real. And we thought it worked. But, you couldn't stand to get rid of him, so you simply sent him to Stanford. He wasn't with you anymore, but he stilled existed to you."

Dean looked down at his feet. This isn't happening…

"But you couldn't stand to be away from him, so you brought him back into the hunting life, making him the reason the demon went after Mary," said John. "That way, Sam would never leave you again."

"No," Dean muttered, still shaking his head.

"Why do you think Jessica looked so much like your mother?" asked John. "You have to admit, you thought that when you first met her. And then when you came for Sam, you had to draw him back in. So, you killed her off the same way you thought your mother died."

"It happened!" yelled Dean. "It really happened! Ask the nurses! They've seen him! They talked to him!"

"Did they?" asked John. "Did anyone actually interact with him?"

Dean was about to answer with—Of course, they did!—when he stopped, thinking back over the last few days.

The first time Sam visited, Constance had come to give him lunch. Sam had walked into the doorway.

No one let him in; he just walked in when the door was open.

Sam had even gotten out of Constance's way when she began to exit. She hadn't even looked at the doorway until Dean had said something. She had followed his gaze to the doorway.

In fact, Constance had only come running back in when Dean had shouted, not even giving Sam a glance.

The day Jessica had visited, neither she nor Sam had opened the door to the lobby. They had to wait for a nurse to do it. And it was because that nurse was using the door, not because she was opening it for them. She hadn't even held it open. They had slipped in just behind her. They had even steered clear of the patients as they walked through the room.

Meg had watched the whole thing, but her eyes had been on Dean the whole time. In fact, when Sam first got there and hugged Dean, a couple nurses were staring at them. But their eyes never fell on Sam; they were watching Dean.

Even when Bobby had entered today, Sam had stood as Bobby occupied the chair. Sam had grabbed a second chair to sit in. Bobby hadn't even looked at him, hadn't even said hello.

Even when Dean had talked about Sam with other people, none of them had acknowledged the subject of Sam.

After Sam's first visit, Ruby had come to take Dean to meet Bobby, saying his visitor was here.

Dean stared at her. "Another visitor?"

Ruby smiled. "Come on, he's waiting."

Ruby hadn't even acknowledged Dean's statement that he'd had another visitor.

When Dean had first woken up, he'd asked Casey where Sam was. Casey had completely changed the subject, not mentioning Sam.

When Dean had told Dr. Novak of Sam and how he thought the tears were real, Dr. Novak had changed the subject.

"Dean," said Dr. Novak, "why don't you just get some rest and think it over?"

Just this morning when Ruby had let Bobby in, she hadn't even looked at Sam, even when Dean had looked at him.

And the conversation they had been having today…

John hesitated again. "I hope that you can now accept them as part of the family."

Dean looked down at his hands, still thinking.

"Come on, Dean," said Sam. "You know in your heart that this is real. Believe it."

"I don't know if I can," muttered Dean, face distraught.

"Try, Dean," said John. "Please."

"Trust us, Dean," said Sam. "Trust me."

Dean looked around at his family, knowing they were right. Dean gave them a smile, nodding.

"You're right," said Dean.

The five of them breathed a sigh of relief.

"You're all right," said Dean. He looked down at his hands, fingering the hospital band. "I can't really believe it…My whole life has been a lie."

"No, Dean," said John quickly. "Not all of it. You still have us."

"He's right, Dean," said Sam. "We've always been here for you."

"But I'm not who I thought I was!" said Dean. "You have no idea what that feels like! One minute, I was a hunter with a mission and a purpose in life, avenging my mother's murder! And now…now I'm a nutcase in a mental hospital who murdered three innocent girls! How do you think that makes me feel?"

John nodded. "You're right. We can't know what that feels like. I'm sorry you have to go through this, Dean."

"But we're gonna be there every step of the way," said Sam.

Dean smiled, looking at Sam. "I appreciate it."

"Dean," said Bobby.

Dean looked over at him.

"Who are you talking to?" asked Bobby.

What had really happened…

John hesitated again. "I hope that you can now accept them as part of the family."

Dean looked down at his hands, still thinking. He waited for a moment.

"I don't know if I can," muttered Dean, face distraught.

"Try, Dean," said John. "Please."

Dean looked around at his family, knowing they were right. Dean gave them a smile, nodding.

"You're right," said Dean.

The four of them breathed a sigh of relief.

"You're all right," said Dean. He looked down at his hands, fingering the hospital band. "I can't really believe it…My whole life has been a lie."

"No, Dean," said John quickly. "Not all of it. You still have us."

"But I'm not who I thought I was!" said Dean. "You have no idea what that feels like! One minute, I was a hunter with a mission and a purpose in life, avenging my mother's murder! And now…now I'm a nutcase in a mental hospital who murdered three innocent girls! How do you think that makes me feel?"

John nodded. "You're right. We can't know what that feels like. I'm sorry you have to go through this, Dean."

Dean smiled, looking over at the wall across from him. "I appreciate it."

"Dean," said Bobby.

Dean looked over at him.

"Who are you talking to?" asked Bobby.

Dean thought back to the way everyone had talked about Sam the past two weeks…

Dr. Novak sat on his bed. "This bond with Sam is probably the healthiest part of your condition. It gives you a family that will stick with you…"

Dr. Novak climbed to his feet, looking down at Dean. "Your family will not be allowed to visit until you calm down."

He hadn't actually said Sam. He said family: John and Adam and Bobby and Kate.

Steve nodded as they watched "Harry Potter." "This Sam…I've heard you talk about him before."

Of course he would. Dean had probably hallucinated a visit or two from Sam when Steve was around.

Casey sat with Dean in the common room.

Casey smiled. "Tell me about Sam. Before he didn't have a soul."

Dean frowned. "You've never met him?"

Casey shook her head. "No."

Dean nodded. "Always visited on your day off, huh?"

Casey smiled, but didn't say anything.

She hadn't acknowledged that Sam visited. She had asked to know more about Sam because she'd never met him. I mean, he couldn't have visited on all her days off. Dean had just assumed that was the case.

Casey smiled again, clasping his hand tighter. "Well, I'm glad you had someone there for you…even if it was all a delusion."

Dean had assumed that meant his life was a delusion, not his brother.

Dean frowned at Sam. "They let you in here before I was awake?"

Sam smiled. "Thought it'd be best if you saw a familiar face when you woke up."

Sam never said they thought it'd be best…

"I heard about what happened yesterday," said Sam.

Sam heard about what happened. No one actually told him.

Dean himself had said things about Sam the past two weeks…

"He reminded me so much of Dad…"

"It was so hard while he was at Stanford…It was like I lost a piece of myself…"

"He was so independent…Sometimes, he reminded me of me…"

Dean knew his brother better than anyone, almost better than himself…

It was safe to say he knew Sam like he knew himself…

Dean looked up, turning his head toward Sam. There were tears in Sam's eyes.

"This is what you wanted to tell me, wasn't it?" asked Dean.

Sam nodded slowly.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" asked Dean.

"You had to see it yourself," said Sam. He took a deep breath. "Dean, I am so sorry. I couldn't tell you, but I wanted so badly. You've always been there for me, and I wanted to be there for you."

Dean stared at him. "The whole time…you weren't real?"

"No, Dean," said Sam quickly. "I was real. I was you."

Dean frowned. "What?"

"I was the scared little boy deep inside of you, begging for someone to take care of him and protect him," said Sam. "You took that insecure, vulnerable part of you, and you turned that into a brother. I've always been with you, Dean…even when you couldn't see me."

"So…I'm talking to myself?" asked Dean.

Sam shrugged. "In a way, yes."

Dean looked at the other four, who were watching him with interest. "And they really can't see you?"

"No," said Sam. "Only you. I'm your own personal bitch."

Dean grimaced as he looked at Sam. "Please don't say that again."

Sam shrugged. "Hey, it's your nickname, not mine."

"I think you got that a little backwards," said Dean.

"You were the one who came up with them," said Sam. "Not me."

"And yet, you love it, bitch," said Dean, with a smile.

"Jerk," said Sam, also with a smile.

Dean and Sam laughed with each other for a moment. They trailed off uneasily. Dean looked at his hands.

"Now you know everything," said Sam.

"Yeah…" said Dean.

"And now I have to go," said Sam.

Dean's head snapped up. "What?"

"Dean, you don't need me anymore," said Sam. He nodded at John and Bobby. "You have them now. You finally know the truth, and you're getting better. I have to go now."

"No, Sammy," said Dean, putting both feet on the floor and leaning his elbows on his knees. "You can't go. Not now."

"Yes, I can," said Sam.

"I can't do this without you!" said Dean.

"Yes, you can, Dean," said Sam. "You're not that scared little boy anymore. You have no idea how strong you are…You're my hero, Dean." He gave Dean a warm smile. "And I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be in here."

Sam reached a hand forward, placing it on Dean's chest over his heart. Dean looked down at Sam's hand. He knew it wasn't really there, but his brain told him he was seeing and feeling the heavy weight on his chest.

"But you gotta let me go, Dean," said Sam.

Dean looked up at Sam, tears running down his face. He slowly nodded, knowing Sam was right. Once he accepted that, Sam's form—along with the chair he was sitting in—began to fade in front of him, the weight of his hand growing lighter.

Dean's eyes widened, part of him still wanting to keep Sam with him. He put a hand over Sam's hand as Sam faded away.

"I'll always be with you, Dean," Sam's voice echoed as he disappeared.

Dean's hand gripped the air over his chest where Sam's hand had been moments ago. He looked up at John, his eyes swimming with tears.

"He's gone…" Dean whispered, brows drawn together in anxiety. "He's actually gone…"

John came forward and sat down next to Dean, pulling his son into an embrace. Dean was stunned for a moment. John had never offered comfort like this since he was ten.

"It's going to be okay, Dean," said John. "He'll never be far from you. You ever feel like something is too much, just ask yourself what Sam would do."

Dean wrapped his arms around his father, sobbing into his shoulder. Dean felt Bobby's hand on his shoulder. They stayed that way for quite some time before Dean calmed down.

John pulled away and placed his hands on Dean's shoulders. "You gonna be alright?"

Dean nodded, a small smile on his face.

"You've had a long day," said John. "We'll let you get some rest."

Dean nodded again as Bobby and John stood, heading for the door with Kate and Adam. Dean pulled the blanket up and climbed underneath it. He leaned on his elbows as John stood at the door Ruby had opened for them, looking back at Dean with a hand on the handle.

"You sure you're gonna be okay?" asked John.

"Yeah," said Dean, a small smile on his face. "I think I finally am."

John smiled. "That's good. See you tomorrow."

Dean smiled back at him, settling on the bed. As John closed the door, Dean slipped straight into sleep.

So that's it...The end...almost. One more chapter to go. Hope you enjoyed it so far.