This was useless. Cullen rubbed his eyes before refocusing them on the report in his hand. He stopped his pacing and crumbled the parchment. It didn't matter what it said. He'd been trying and failing to read the damn thing for the past half hour, but his mind was too preoccupied to concentrate on work anymore. All he could think about was Cassandra and how noticeably absent she'd been all day. Even from the debrief in the War Room. Something highly unlike her.
Cullen started pacing again, dragging a hand through his disheveled curls. She was avoiding him. It was the only logical conclusion. She'd been happy enough to see him upon her return to Skyhold. After greeting him with a smile and heartfelt kiss, Cassandra sought out a bath and some fresh clothes with a promise to see him out afterwards. When she didn't, Cullen's first stop was the loft above the forge than all over Skyhold checking the spots she found the most solace in. Every one of them were empty with no trace of her.
Silently cursing himself, Cullen braced his hands against his cluttered desk. He knew this was going to happen. He knew that the part of himself he kept hidden, the blackness, was too much for her. That asking her to submit was a betrayal of such a strong-willed woman. How could he be so -.
His thoughts tapered off when Cullen heard a noise coming from the floor above. Anyone who thought it wise to hide and wait to attack was both foolish and had a death sentence. Pulling his sword from its sheath, Cullen cautiously approached the ladder. There was nothing by darkness as he hadn't returned to his chambers since leaving at first light. Taking the lantern off the desk, he lopped the hand over his arm and began to ascend the ladder.
At first glance nothing seemed to be out of place. Now halfway through the hatch, Cullen lifted the lantern, the soft glow of the flame illuminating the room. What he found made the air whoosh out of his lungs in a heavy sigh of relief.
There dead asleep, wearing one of his crimson tunics, was the very woman he looked all over Skyhold for. Cullen set his sword down, careful not to make a sound and finished his climb. Finding her there, in a bed he thought as theirs, made his heart sore as Cassandra seemed think a bit differently. He hadn't argued when Cassandra took residence near the forge because he didn't want her to feel like he was crowding her. They still had lots of things to sort out when it came to their relationship and where they wanted to be in the future. Right now, their quest took priority. In fact, Cassandra would be setting out in a few days back out to the Hinterlands before she left on a long expedition to the Western Approach.
Placing the lantern on the bedside table, Cullen lit the dead one to give him the light to see her fully. Maker he missed her. The mere sight of her made everything quiet. She made him feel lighter. Feel at ease.
He began to pull at his armor to move about to room silently in order not to wake her. She obviously needed the rest if she missed every meal and two meetings. Free of his armor, Cullen sat on the edge of the bed and simply watched the rise and fall of her chest. Nearly every night his dreams had been filled with horrible images of her bloody and broken in some random field. It was hard to watch her leave in Haven. Now, it was almost unbearable.
Having must of sense him, Cassandra turned and curled her body in his direction. She smiled upon feeling the tips of his fingers trail down her cheek. "Hmm." She nuzzled his hand. "Afternoon."
"Evening, actually."
Her eyes shot open. "What?"
"Seems like you've slept the day away."
"Why didn't you come and fetch me? I missed-what?" Cassandra caught the small shift in his gaze. She didn't like the knot forming between his brows. "Cullen, what is it?"
"I umm, well…" Cullen rubbed the back of his neck forcing to keep his gaze trained on hers. "I thought perhaps you were avoiding me."
"Why in Thedas would you think that?"
"I thought you were upset or frightened by out last night before you left for Crestwood."
"Oh, Cullen. My handsome and oh so dense Commander." She drew her towards him until their noses brushed. A nice warm feeling seeped into her belly recalling that very night. Cullen, her Commander, ruled over for hours, demanding her obedience. But being the woman she was, Cassandra didn't give in immediately, not even when they were in the barracks. He enjoyed her defiance as well as 'punishing' her with curt taps to the backside, teeth sinking harshly into her neck, and several other various ways to make her cry out. In the end, she did submit to him. She begged and pleaded with him to give her the release he'd been denying her over and over again.
"Do you honestly think I wouldn't have stopped you if I felt pressured in anyway?" Cassandra softly asked. "If I wasn't enjoying myself."
"I'm sorry." He felt ashamed now for having such thoughts. "We didn't talk afterwards."
The corner of her mouth lifted. "Because I passed out from sheer exhaustion from being pleasurably tortured by you for hours on end." She touched a hand to his stubbly cheek. "You've been making yourself sick over this, haven't you?"
He let out a soft laugh. "You know me well, my lady."
"You're such a foolish man, Cullen Rutherford."
Not wanting to dwell on the matter any longer, Cullen kissed the tip of her nose. "You must be starving."
"I am." She acted quick, using surprise as her weapon to roll them until she was perched above him. "But I think food can wait for a little longer."
"Oh?"
"I spent the last three weeks unable to sleep because all I could think about was how you reigned over me. It caused such an ache."
Cullen slid her hands up her bare thighs. "Did you touch yourself while thinking of me?"
"Wouldn't be the first time."
He pushed the tunic up passed her hips and groaned finding nothing underneath and the inside of her thighs already slick with arousal. "I don't think I'll ever tire of your distain of sleeping in small cloth."
She chuckled softly. "I'm pleased to hear that." Grabbing the tunic by the collar, she whisked it over her head and watched his amber eyes darken. She started clawing at the ties of his trousers. "Now, I've gone far too long without your touch. I think it's time to rectify that."
"Boots. Boots." Cullen crocked out franticly, finding it hard to think beyond her sword calloused hands stroking down his hardening cock. "Sweet Andraste."
"I need you now, Cullen." Hands holding her firmly by the hips steadied her as she sank down onto him. "We'll go nice and slow next round."
Cullen groaned in agreement.
The coupling was hard and fast. Filled with sloppy kisses and desperate touches. Under the urgency, there was a tenderness to it of two lovers reconnecting after weeks apart.
Shortly after, Cassandra's growling stomach led the pair to leave the comfort of their bed in search of food.
"I can't believe you're walking around Skyhold in nothing but my tunic," Cullen muttered pulling her into the kitchen. Thankfully, it being the dead of night, the area was empty.
She glanced down. The fabric fell to about mid-thigh. "All the important bits are covered. Besides." Cassandra smiled at him. "I doubt anyone would be brave enough to say anything with you around."
"Not if it was Bull," Cullen countered. "Or worse, Dorian."
Laughing, Cassandra tugged on his hand. "Come and sit. I'll see what kind of food is laying around."
"You just returned after three weeks on the road. Aren't I supposed to be taking care of you?"
"I feel well rested and refreshed after sleeping the day away." Cassandra pushed on his shoulders, forcing him to sit at the table. "You on the other hand probably haven't eaten or slept properly in the past three weeks."
Cullen opened his mouth only to close it when he realized he didn't have a leg to stand on. Instead, he watched her move about in solely his tunic while piling an array of food on two plates. He couldn't deny seeing her like this made his mind wander to a different time and place. To a future he didn't think was possible. To a life he didn't know he desperately wanted. One away from constant life-threatening violence and rib crushing responsibility.
"I see Skyhold has made great strides since we left." Cassandra set the plates on the table followed by a jug of wine and cups before sitting across from him.
Cullen filled them both to the brim. He had to admit that the sight of the food made his mouth water. Now that the gnawing worry was gone, he found himself famished. "The supply routes that our Ambassador set up have contributed greatly. In fact, a few merchants have set up shop and we get new recruits and pilgrims almost daily."
Though she was joyous to see the Inquisition thriving, it also made Cassandra worry. "Have we increased the number of scouts?"
He nodded. "And extended their range. There hasn't been much to report. It seems that the Red Templars and Corypheus's attention is elsewhere."
"I wish we knew what awaits us in the Approach. Stroud was vague on the details."
"I got the same impression from Hawke during our meeting this afternoon." Cullen took a small sip of the wine. "A meeting you missed by the way."
"Did I miss anything important?"
"Not much. Mostly Josephine drawling on about the Winter Palace and how we have to prepare ourselves adequately. By that she means learning all about the game, proper manners, and how to dance."
Cassandra froze, sandwich halfway to her mouth. "Dance?"
The corner of his mouth twitched. "I think that one was directed more at Alex. Even forcing her to have lessons."
"Who is the poor soul that has to suffer along without dear Inquisitor?" Cassandra wondered and not at all prepared for the answer.
"Hawke."
Her gaze shot to Cullen and found him dead serious. "What?"
"He wanted to feel useful since he's hanging around for the for see able future." Cullen shrugged. "It might be easier on Alex to go through the lessons with someone she knows than some random person."
"Perhaps." Cassandra thought to the last three weeks as she took a healthy bite of her sandwich. She'd awaken several times to find the pair sitting by the fire talking. Some nights it was Hawke talking about his experience in Kirkwall and listening to the burdens that now fell on Alex's shoulders. Other, to Cassandra's amusement, they would be softly arguing over constellations. Something Alex had a fondness off. Was it friendship or something more brewing between them? Cassandra intended to find out, but for now she was going to focus on her time with her Commander.
"I received a letter from my sister yesterday afternoon," Cullen announced beaming. "Less yelling in this one. Apparently she is teaching my oldest nephew to beat me in chess should I ever come visit."
"Well, it has been some time since you last were home," Cassandra pointed out. "You haven't even seen your youngest nephew and he's three seasons now?"
"Four." Cullen felt a pang of guilt. It had nearly been a decade since he last laid eye on his family. He had helped his sisters and brother relocate after the blight tore their village apart before he settled in Kirkwall. He didn't even return for his brother in law's funeral as tension in the city left him unable to leave. Sighing, Cullen rubbed a hand over his face. "When this is all over, we'll go visit."
She changed the subject to help relieve Cullen of his guilt. "Tell me what else has happened while we were away."
0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0
"Don't you look refreshed," Alex teased the following morning when she met Cassandra near the sparring ring.
"I'm sorry I missed the debrief," Cassandra apologized.
The mage dismissed it with a wave of her hand. "It wasn't too terribly exciting."
"I don't know. I heard that you're being forced to take dancing lessons." Cassandra watched her friend blanch at the thought. She couldn't help but smile as she continued her teasing. "With Hawke of all people."
"He volunteered for it."
"So I heard." Cassandra glanced in the direction of the stables. "Has Blackwall approached you?"
"No," Alex huffed trying her best not to think about it. Even after three weeks it stung to think about their walk on the battlement and what was said. But Alex refused to lose any more sleep over the man. "For the best it seems."
Cassandra thought back to Crestwood and how the Champion seemed to be growing fond of Alex. She wondered if the Inquisitor noticed the shift in the relationship. Or if Alex was shrugging it off to protect herself from making a fool of herself all over again. Cassandra figured that it would be best if she sought out Hawke to get down to the bottom of things for Alex's sake. And, of course, her own curiosity. For now, Cassandra didn't push. "Are you ready to spar?"
"Actually, no. It seems we need to set out for Redcliff this morning."
The Seeker's brow furrowed. "Why the urgency?"
"A letter arrived for Dorian yesterday evening and it's a delicate matter of sorts. I'll leave it up to him to explain as it's not my place to do so. The two of us can easily make the trip, but I would feel better with you and Cole tagging along."
"Of course. No reason to make another trip in two days' time if you're going today. I'll get my pack and meet you by the gate with the horses."
"I'm sorry, Cass. I know this isn't fair to ask of you."
"None sense. I am here to service the Inquisition in whatever capacity is asked of me."
"I am unworthy of such devotion, but I won't get into that as I won't win that argument."
Cassandra smiled. "You know how I love to argue."
As Cassandra suspected, Cullen wasn't exactly happy with the news, but knew better than to question it. He ended his meeting early to walk her down to the stables. Cassandra bumped his shoulder with her own. "Don't fret, my love. A quick trip. We should be back by nightfall."
"My fear is that it won't be a quick trip. Trouble always seems to follow the Inquisition."
"That it does."
Cullen took her hand, linking fingers. "I would feel better if I knew the details of what makes this so urgent."
"It's for Dorian. That's all I need to know."
"Yes, of course. You're right." Despite his apprehension of mages, Cullen had grown fond of the Dorian. He owed him for saving Cassandra's lift that night they found her wandering the snow bleeding to death.
"Good morning, Master Dennet," Cassandra greeted the horse master with a warm smile. "I hate to put this on you with such short notice, but we need four mounts ready to go as quickly as possible."
"Is everything alright, my lady?" Dennet asked.
"We're moving up our trip to Redcliff is all."
"You're leaving so soon?" The question came from Blackwall behind them. "You only just returned."
Cassandra sparred him a glance. "Circumstances have made our plans shift."
"Who is accompanying you and the Inquisitor?" The Warden wondered.
Cassandra thought about lying and saying Hawke, but she wasn't one to stir trouble. Not to mention, Hawke was growing on her. "Cole and Dorian. We should be back before nightfall if things go as planned."
"Which they never do," Cullen muttered next to her, earning an elbow to the gut. "It's true."
"Don't worry, Mistress Seeker. I'll have the horses ready in ten minutes," Dennet assured.
"Thank you, Master Dennet." Cassandra linked arms with the Commander and started back towards the courtyard without another word to Blackwall.
Cullen glanced back to see the Warden brooding. "Not sure if that constitutes as being very professional."
Cassandra scoffed. "If he never planned to act on his feelings for Alex then he shouldn't have strung her along for so long." She urged Cullen to look forward. "He's lucky that I haven't resorted to knocking him on his ass."
"To knock sense into him?" Cullen asked highly amused by his lover's protectiveness of Alex.
"That ship has long ago sailed."
"You have to look on your face?"
"What look?"
"A look means you're scheming something," Cullen explained watching her expression closely. She may have schooled her features, Cullen knew her well enough that he hit the nail on the head. "Care to share, my dear Seeker?"
Ever so slightly, Cassandra rose on her toes and planted a kiss on the corner of his scarred mouth. "Not just yet, dear Commander."
"Hmpf." Cullen made a disgruntled noise in the back of his throat, but let the matter drop for now. He had few precious moments left to spend with her and he was going to make the best of them.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
"Are you sure you're okay?" Alex asked Dorian for the third time in less than a minute. She could tell the mage was still struggling to process everything that happened in the tavern. The tick in Dorian's jaw concerned her greatly. She'd never seen him mad or even truly upset.
Sighing, Dorian leaned against the fence post that was down the path from the tavern. "To be honest." He ran a hand through his hair, dislodging a free strands in the process from his perfectly sculpted mane. "I don't know. I wasn't expecting…Well, this."
Cassandra placed a hand on his arm. "What can we do for you?"
"Can I help?" Cole asked hopeful.
Dorian waved them both away. "I'll be fine. I would like to walk for a bit."
"I'll be around the market if you need me," Alex informed.
"And I'll be down to visit the herbalist," Cassandra added and Cole said nothing. The Seeker knew that he would follow the mage around in his special way.
Dorian perked up for a moment, mouth twitching as he couldn't quite muster a smile. "I still stand by my statement. I would make a good Uncle."
Cassandra felt her cheeks start to burn and could feel Alex staring down at her intently. Cole, bless the young man, looked up from under his large brimmed hat with a mixed expression. Cassandra spoke before the spirit could dig into her thoughts. "Do I need to gather any other herbs?"
"I could use some more Crystal Grace if you can find some," Alex answered still looking at Cassandra with a curious expression.
"Then I shall meet you three at the Cross Roads." On their first visit to Redcliff they had convinced the elvhen Herbalist to move to help those that needed it most.
"Alex you go with her. Who knows what kind of trouble our Seeker can get herself into," Dorian insisted. "I'll be fine. Plus, I'll have Cole."
Cassandra looked around to find the man in question already gone. "What if your father decides to take you back by force?"
Dorian gave her tight lipped smile. "I'm a very adapt mage and will not hesitate to burn off his family jewels. Maybe that would get the point across."
Because she felt compelled too, Alex hugged the mage. "Remember you have a family that does love and accepts you."
"I mean honestly, if you think you kept such a secret hidden you should never play Wicked Grace. You'll lose the clothes off your back." Cassandra managed to get Dorian to flash her a real smile this time. "I mean walls aren't sound proof and you and Bull could be heard throughout the entire Keep."
"If you're saying this in hopes to make me blush, you're going to be sorely disappointed." Dorian released Alex, feeling lighter as the burden of his secret was out there in the open. "And may I remind you of a certain night in camp where a certain someone shouted a certain Commander's name?"
Cole appeared beside them within the blink of an eye. "Smiles. He likes when you smile. Your eyes dazzle. You like his eyes." The trio looked between them trying to figure out which of their thoughts he was picking at. "You watch him and he watches you. Neither of you notice. But you hope. You're afraid to hurt again."
It was clear now that he was pulling from Alex and Cassandra's gaze shifted watching the Inquisitor's expressions very carefully.
"He remind you of f-."
"Cole!" Alex grabbed the spirit by the arm to silence him. "Remember what we talked about? How some thoughts are not meant to be shared with others?"
He cocked his head to the side as if he was fighting the urge to blurt out more. "But you're thinking loud." His pale eyes swept over the other two in the group. "You all are. You are full of feelings. Good ones. Of the ones that make you happy." Now he turned back to the Inquisitor. "He's happier too."
Though the information caused Alex's heart to flutter, Alex took Cole by the arm. "That's enough. I know they're good feelings, but they're still personal."
"I'm sorry. I'll try harder," Cole promise committedly.
"I know you will," Alex assured with a gentle smile and like that Cole was gone again.
Dorian waved the two women off. "Shoo. I promise I'll be fine."
"If you're not at the cross road in half pass the hour, we're launching a raiding party on Tevinter," Cassandra threatened drawing a deep belly laugh from Dorian. "We're family after all and nobody messes with it."
Dorian leaned over to kiss the Seeker's. "You're delightful, you know that."
She scowled. "I object, there is nothing delightful about me."
Dorian just walked away laughing.
Cassandra looked to Alex to find the mage smiling. "What?"
Alex's smile grew wider. "You're quite delightful."
Letting out a disgruntled noise, Cassandra led them away from the tavern.
