Switched
A month. A month had gone by since the most terrifying moment of her entire life. And it wasn't the lack of control over her body that had made it so frightening, though that had helped. No, it was watching Gar fall stiffly to the floor as if dead. That sight had stopped her heart.
She'd known before that moment that she loved him. It was kind of obvious. She'd broken her vow of never getting involved in a serious relationship for him. She'd given him her virginity. She spent every night in his bed, something she never thought would be inside her comfort zone. But watching him fall like that, thinking he might not get back up, it had shaken her to the core.
It had forced her to realize the true depths of her feelings for him. There was being in love with someone, enjoying a relationship and friendship. And then there was this. When she'd thought there was a chance she might lose him, a future she'd never known she wanted had flashed before her eyes. A wedding. A house. Kids.
Coming to terms with those buried desires was made even more difficult by the fact that tensions had been running high between them this past month. Neither was dealing very well with what Control Freak had done to them. Garfield struggled daily to control her powers. She wanted so desperately to help him, but she was struggling herself. Struggling so much it felt like she was drowning.
She was taking to his powers just as little as he was to hers. The past month had been full of fears and moments of panic. She didn't like not having control over her body. Her entire life had been structured around control and tranquility.
But she couldn't get a handle on his powers, so she found herself turning into animals at odd moments, moments not of her choosing. Animals not of her choosing. There was no control involved, and there surely hadn't been any tranquility this past month either. And her biggest fear—not that she would ever confess it to anyone—was getting stuck in animal form. She couldn't control it. She was at the whim of her body. What if it chose not to come back?
She shuddered, wrapping her arms around herself. She wasn't used to being afraid, especially after she'd gotten Trigon out of her life, but she was afraid now. Daily. And it was taking a toll on her. She wasn't sleeping well, and exhaustion only made her new powers more unstable.
And she was constantly worried about Garfield. He was starting to look sickly. Her powers were sapping him of energy, and she knew it was taking everything in him to keep the damage down to a minimum. Starfire had gotten annoyed with him for breaking her favorite mug the other morning at breakfast, but Raven knew the potential for disaster. She knew what her powers were capable of if he fully lost control. Better a mug than half the Tower. The others had no idea the fire they were playing with.
Her constant concern was chipping away at Garfield's psyche. She knew it, could tell by his pinched expressions whenever she got to worrying. Her emotions were making everything harder on him, but it wasn't like she could shut off her anxiety when she knew he was barely holding it together.
They'd even stopped having sex. It was too much for him, the intimacy. Besides, she was too exhausted recently to feel sexy anyway. He'd stopped trying and she hadn't put up a fight. The flame that had burned so brightly between them all these months had been effectively doused by Control Freak's interference.
The only bright spot in an abysmal month was the fact that Robin was working diligently to fix things.
She'd known Robin considered them family, that he would do anything for them, but this past month he'd shown that to a degree she'd never expected. He worked tirelessly trying to find an answer to their dilemma. He stayed up into the wee hours of the night a few times a week looking through books and searching for answers. He went to the prison just as often to question Control Freak again, as if he could somehow trick the villain into giving him answers. He had Cyborg constantly working on the broken weapon, seeing if he could repair it, seeing if he could reverse its effects somehow. Robin had stepped up in a major way, telling them to merely concentrate on learning how to control their new powers while he handled the rest.
Too bad they were failing on their end of the bargain. Badly.
"You ready to start training?"
She glanced up at the gentle, hesitant question. Garfield stood before her in full uniform, and the expression of dread on his face nearly broke her heart. These training sessions were like torture for the both of them. They were supposed to be showing each other how to use their respective powers, but neither one was learning much and it was only causing strain between them. What was meant to help was only making things worse, but voicing it aloud would be admitting defeat. So they both suffered through, too afraid to stop. Because stopping meant giving up.
"Yeah." It was a lie. She wasn't ready. Not in the slightest. But she didn't really have a choice. Not unless she was ready to officially curl up in a ball and give in to her fears, ready to let Control Freak win.
Her expression must have given her away, because he took her hand in his and squeezed it tightly. "Hey…" He laced their fingers, holding on to her tightly, as if afraid she might slip away. "I love you."
The words were right, and she knew he meant them, but the joy that used to sparkle in his eyes was gone. She nodded, feeling tears well. She stepped in closer, not wanting him to see how frightened she was by the absence of happiness in him. She rested her cheek on his chest and just held him for a moment. She was terrified things weren't going to get better and he was going to give up on her. She was terrified this would break them. She was terrified…all the time. "I love you too." She knew one's heart should not ache with such pain at those words, but hers did. How could things have gotten so bad in such a short time?
His hands curled into the fabric of her cape and he held on tightly, as if her fears were reciprocated in him. It was like he was trying to physically grip hold of their relationship and keep it from slipping away.
Raven clung to him just as tightly in return, her heart seizing and constricting. She wanted to beg him not to let go, but before she could form the words, he pulled away.
"We should get to the training room." Keeping his hand in hers, he led her down the hallway. They remained silent on the walk, each lost in their own grim thoughts.
She was relieved that it was still morning. They spent the mornings working on Gar's new powers. At least she could focus on training him for the moment. The afternoons were when they worked on her newly acquired powers. Afternoons were hell. She hated working with powers that weren't her own. She hated how difficult it was for her to transform into animals. And most of all, she hated his powers.
Her own powers had been about control. They'd been about concentration and focus. His powers were about living in the moment, about spontaneity. His powers centered around everything she struggled with. And the more she tried to force spontaneity, the less it came to her.
So yes, she was relieved that it was his turn to practice. In truth, his turn to suffer. And that in itself made her feel guilty. Any relief on her was a weight on him, and vice versa. To say the least, it was putting a little bit of strain on them. They were each trying to be so patient, but it seemed a losing battle. The more they tried, the more they failed. She knew they were both secretly hoping Robin found that magical solution, but each day they remained how they were the less likely it felt like things would ever get back to normal.
As they entered the rooftop, she shot him what she hoped was an encouraging smile. "Should we start with meditation?" She saw the look of irritation that flashed across his features and pretended she hadn't. Acknowledging it would only lead to more problems. She'd learned that very quickly.
"Yeah, that sounds great," he said, his voice giving away the lie.
She turned her back on him, pretending she was picking out a good spot, but in truth, she was afraid her expression might give away her returned irritation. It was just meditation. It wasn't like she was asking him to do anything difficult. If he wanted to get her powers under control, he needed to learn to focus. And recently, it didn't feel like he was even trying. "Okay, let's set up here," she said, lowering herself to the ground and getting into a cross-legged position. "It would be really amazing if you were able to focus enough to levitate this morning. That is a big step in gaining control."
"Sure. Levitation. I'll work on that."
She'd closed her eyes upon plunking down, but she peeked an eye open to stare at him.
He was settling in, shifting his weight from side to side as he attempted to get comfortable. He was so antsy. Why was he always so antsy?
When he was finally situated, she reclosed her eye and cleared her mind. Focus. She pressed her thumbs to her forefingers and massaged them together very gently. Clear your mind. She took a deep, calming breath in through her nose, held it for a moment, then let it gradually out of her mouth.
She continued taking slow, measured breaths in through the nose, out through the mouth. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Before long, she experienced a sensation of weightlessness. It was how she used to feel before levitating during her morning meditation.
Only she couldn't levitate anymore. That reminder dampened any positivity meditation had brought. She missed levitating. More than she cared to put into words.
Still, at least she could fall back on mediation to soothe her soul. It was at least some connection that still remained to her powers. She just needed to be content with that. This was her new daily mantra—be content. It was what she clung to, the most she could hope for.
Her concentration was suddenly broken by shuffling. She peeked her eye open once more to find Garfield shifting around again, redistributing his weight from one thigh to the other.
He must have sensed her impatience with his new telepathic powers, because his eyes popped open and he flashed her a sheepish grin. "Sorry."
She forced down her annoyance and nodded in understanding. "It's all right. I know this is all new for you. Just try to focus."
"Trying." He let out his breath with a forceful exhale and closed his eyes once more.
Raven followed his lead, letting her lashes flutter closed as she emptied her thoughts. Calm. Calm was just what she needed to forget about the stressfulness of her body spontaneously changing shape without her consent or permission. I am in control. I—
More shuffling.
She let out a huff, dropped her hands to her thighs, and wrenched her eyes open to glare at him.
Garfield stared back at her with eyes narrowed in irritation. A long, tension filled moment passed between them. "Sorry," he finally said again, and she could tell he was forcing himself to even out his features to appear less annoyed. "Sorry. I just…I don't get this meditation thing. It's boring."
"Life isn't all about being entertained," she said tightly.
"And it's pointless for me to keep doing this when it obviously isn't working."
"It is not pointless. Meditation helped me get my powers under control when I was young and still learning. It helped me keep them under control."
"Well, it's not working for me," he said tensely.
"Because you're not trying," she accused. "You spend more time wiggling around than doing any actual meditating."
"That's because meditation is useless!"
Her usual tight control finally unraveled at those words, and she was unable to keep herself from lashing out. "Meditation is not useless. You know what's useless? Turning into animals. At least my powers are actually beneficial. Yours are nothing more than a circus trick."
The instant the words were out of her mouth, she regretted them. She'd just been so infuriated at him for insulting one of the rare things she truly connected with, something she felt was a part of her, that she spoke before thinking, before processing. It was completely out of character for her, but wasn't everything that involved Garfield? He got under her skin like no one else had ever been able to.
Still, it did not excuse her comment. She could tell by the stung expression on his face that she'd gone too far. "Gar, I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"
"No," he said, interrupting her. "I get it. I'm a joke." He shook his head in self-depreciation. Somewhere behind her, she heard a flower pot shatter and flinched, knowing he was losing control. "You're not the first person with that opinion. And you won't be the last."
"Beast Boy—"
"I'm not Beast Boy anymore. I no longer have such useless powers. I guess I should start calling myself Miserable Gothic Man, now that I'm more like you. Or Emotionally Stunted Guy. Those both seem fitting for someone with these powers," he spat, waving a hand disgustedly toward his chest.
She recoiled at his hateful description of not just himself, but of her as well. "I said I was sorry." Her words came out in a wounded whisper. Garfield was not cruel. He'd never been this cruel. What were her powers doing to him?
One look at his pale, tired face was answer enough. He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. There were bags under his eyes and his ears were drooped so low they practically touched his shoulders. He looked miserable—because of her.
He snorted, ignoring her apology as if she hadn't even spoken it. "And seeing as my old powers are so easy to control, you can train by yourself this afternoon. My emotions are feeling a bit rampant for some reason. I think it best if I avoid being around others for a while. But you're a talented girl. I'm sure you can figure it out yourself. I mean, it's just a useless circus trick, after all."
"Gar!"
He didn't respond. He simply shook his head. Then he stormed by her and stalked through the door that would take him back into the Tower, slamming it shut behind him.
Raven watched him go, her heart sinking to her toes. She hadn't meant to hurt him, but there was no doubting that she had. Deeply. She'd messed up and wanted desperately to make it right, but she understood by his exit that he didn't wish to speak to her. He needed some space. As she once possessed the powers he now had, she understood that privacy was sometimes a necessity. For his safety and the safety of those around him. She needed to let him go or risk making things worse.
That didn't make letting him go any easier. The first sob escaped her before she realized she was crying. She didn't cry! But she was crying. Oh, she definitely was.
Another sob burst forth and she pressed a hand to her mouth, afraid he might somehow hear her and know how truly weak she was in this moment. As she stifled her sobs, she felt her form becoming less solid. Her toxic thoughts were making her newly acquired powers unstable, were forcing a change on her.
"No, no, no." Suddenly, without warning, she transformed into a duck. A useless purple duck. Like some silly children's tub toy.
Fear spiked in her as she realized she'd lost control. Please no. Please no.
Her begging worked, because she returned to her own form. "Please no," she repeated, clawing desperately at the cement rooftop, cracking a few nails in the process. Nothing had terrified her in recent history more than this loss of control.
She'd spent every day of her life up until a month ago trying to harness control over her emotions, her powers. And now, she felt at odds with her own body, because it wanted the exact opposite. It was begging for her to let go, and she didn't know how. She was so lost she didn't even feel like herself anymore.
Garfield's powers revolved around spontaneity, about letting go and giving oneself over to the animals within. She was not one to let go and give in to anything. It had been drilled into her from childhood never to do such a thing. And now she was supposed to just let go of a lifetime of training and give in to a foreign invasion? Because that's what it felt like—an invasion. She couldn't give up control to it. She didn't know how.
But the more she fought his powers, the harder they became to regulate. They forced themselves on her at unforeseen times. They took control of her, making her a passenger in her own flesh. And worse of all was that fear of getting trapped. What if she found herself forever imprisoned in the body of a house fly?
The thought of that sent a wave of panic through her. She sucked in a harsh breath and realized she was on the verge of hyperventilation. Breathe. Breathe. She hurried to the edge of the rooftop. Gripping the small half-wall, she gazed over the side at the stretch of beach below.
Her body felt ready to explode. She envisioned throwing herself over the edge of this precipice and becoming a bird. She envisioned flying off into the salty air, free and untroubled. But then she envisioned the change not coming. She envisioned crashing to the ground, her body shattering and breaking. She pictured herself smashed into the pavement, bleeding…dying.
The mental image had her gasping desperately for air. She crumped to the ground and pressed her back to the wall, too petrified to even glance over at the open space below, let alone jump into it. She brought her knees up against her chest and hugged them in a death grip. Breathe. She sucked in another shallow gulp of air that did little to properly fill her lungs. An unhealthy wheeze escaped her on her exhale and she wondered if she was going to pass out. At least it was one thing she could give herself over to—unconsciousness.
"Raven!"
She blinked, looking up into a familiar face. Cyborg. She hadn't even heard him enter the rooftop. How long had she been up here in the grips of panic? How much time had passed with her gasping for air and losing control?
"Raven, breathe," he instructed. He knelt down in front of her, placing a hand gently on each of her knees. "Raven, breathe." He took in a deep breath of his own, motioning for her to do the same. "Do as I do. Breathe."
His tone was so commanding that she found herself focusing on him, mirroring her breaths to his.
"Breathe, Rae. Center yourself."
She nodded, breathing in tandem with him, sucking in deep, measured breaths. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.
It was only when her breathing had returned to normal that he lowered himself to sit across from her, targeting her with his worried, older brother stare. "What's going on, Raven?"
Now that she was calm, embarrassment rushed to the forefront. Not many people had ever seen her break down before. She didn't like adding to the list. "Nothing's going on."
"Raven." His voice was deep and full of warning. She found herself unable to ignore the demand of it.
"Fine," she said grudgingly. "I'm just a little freaked out about using Beast Boy's powers."
"And?"
"And what?"
"What else?"
"Nothing."
"Raven."
There it was. That warning again. She rolled her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall. "And Gar and I had an argument. I said…some things I shouldn't have. Things I didn't mean."
"Ah." There was knowledge and understanding in that one word, and somehow, it made her feel better.
"It was a stupid fight," she said, closing her eyes. "Don't worry about it. It's not a big deal."
"It was a big enough deal for you to have what was obviously a panic attack over it."
She groaned, hating that he'd seen her in such a state of weakness. "It's been a stressful month. I just got a little overwhelmed. I'll be fine."
"You sure?"
She opened her eyes and sent him a little glare. She knew he was only looking out for her, but she didn't need a mother hen hovering over her. Not right now. Not ever. "I said I'm fine."
He held his hands up, letting her know he wasn't going to press any further. "All right. All right. You're fine." He paused and sent her a pointed look. "But if at any time you decide you're not fine, you know you can talk to me, right?"
She remained silent for a very long time. Finally, she nodded. "Yeah. I know."
He nodded, seemingly satisfied with that answer. Pushing to his feet, he paused to pat her raised knees. "I'm here for you, Rae. Never forget that."
She nodded, tears brimming in her eyes. Hell, the last thing she needed was to cry. Again. Forcing down the lump in her throat, she answered in as normal a voice as she could manage. "Yeah. I know." She shrugged. "I can handle this, though. I'm just going to give him some time to cool off…"
Cyborg offered her a small smile. "It'll work out. My boy's too crazy about you for it not to."
She smiled weakly in return, wishing he was right, but the old phrase about how sometimes love wasn't enough danced in her head. "Thanks." She forced herself to her feet as well, forced herself to appear normal, functional, and dusted off her legs. "For…everything."
"Anytime." He opened the door to the Tower and motioned for her to enter ahead of him. Once inside, he let the conversation go and headed in the direction of the garage. "If you decide you want to talk, I'll be in the garage working on the T-Car."
She nodded. "Thanks, but I think I'm going to just head back to bed for a little while. It's not like I'm dependent upon meditation anymore," she said with a shrug. Returning his wave of farewell, she started in the direction of Gar's room and froze. Though she'd been sleeping there for a few months now, she didn't think he would be very welcoming of her presence right at the moment.
That somber thought stunned her. She couldn't remember the last time she'd slept in her own bed and didn't relish the thought. All of the calm Cyborg had instilled in her evaporated at the grim thought of being alone. She'd been alone for the majority of her life and it was not something she wanted to return to, that emptiness, that loneliness.
For so many years, she'd wanted nothing more than peace and solitude. But now, she'd grown used to having Garfield around. She'd grown used to his goofy smiles, his lame jokes. His warmth.
Shivering at just the thought of crawling into her bed alone, she trudged toward her room. Once inside, she crossed the room, sank down to the edge of the bed, and ran her hands through her hair with a little sigh. She again wondered how things had gotten so bad so quickly. A few months ago, they'd been blissfully happy. Now, they were barely holding on.
She knew there was the proverbial "honeymoon stage" of every relationship, but this disconnect felt different. It felt more alarming than a natural cool-down. Control Freak had gone and dumped their budding relationship on its head, and she feared there was a chance they wouldn't be able to fix it.
Tears sprang to her eyes again. In an attempt to deny their existence, she curled up in her bed and closed her eyes. She forced herself to focus on falling back to sleep, on pretending her fight with Gar never happened.
But the more she tried to push it from her mind, the more it consumed her thoughts. She was terrified she'd done permanent damage to their relationship. She'd called his powers useless. Garfield was usually easy to forgive, but that one might be difficult to let go. She'd known he struggled with his confidence after Mento, and she'd taken a shot at it anyway.
Why had she done that? Why?
She wasn't the type of girl who defined herself by her relationship—she never would be. But she loved him. And she didn't want this to come between them. It was exactly what villains aimed to do—break up teams. Would she and Gar succumb to something so cliché? And what would it mean for the rest of the team if they did? Had she just driven a wedge in the Titans with one careless comment?
She was haunted by these thoughts. They swam around and around in her head, plaguing her. It felt like hours passed before she finally drifted off to sleep. And even then, her dreams were troubled.
OOOO
Raven awoke to the sound of knocking at her door. A quick glance at her bedside clock showed that she'd slept through lunch. She gaped at it in shock for a long moment. She never slept like this. She wondered if it was the power shift she'd experienced, as different powers affected the body in different ways, or if it was the build up of stress over the last month. Either way, it was well into the afternoon.
Sitting up in bed, she ran her fingers through her messy hair and straightened her clothing. She then climbed to her feet and attempted to present herself as put-together. Just because she'd succumbed to exhaustion didn't mean she wanted everyone to know about it. "C-come in." She grimaced at the stammer in her voice, but there was no correcting it now.
The door slid open and Garfield entered, his face drawn in a line of obvious determination. He stopped just inside the doorway and set her with a hard look. "We need to talk."
Those four words had her heart freezing in her chest. No good conversation started with those words. Ever. Those were the type of words one used right before they broke up with someone. "Okay," she said quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. Unable to help herself, she crossed her arms defensively over her chest. "So talk."
He stared at her for a long moment, his nostrils flaring at the sight of her obviously hostile body language. Then he closed his eyes and let out a long exhale. When his lashes fluttered open again, his eyes were softer, gentler. "Raven…"
He trailed off. Then with a shake of his head, he crossed the room to her and took her hands in his, lightly shaking her arms and forcing her to uncross them. "Do you remember on New Year's Eve after we shared that smoking hot kiss, I made a promise to you."
Her brows furrowed in confusion as her mind attempts to pull up the exact details of the night. She remembered the kiss. How could she forget? Their first kiss had been explosive. The kiss she definitely remembered. The promise he'd made…
Before she could retrieve it from memory, he spoke. "I vowed to you that night that I was willing to do whatever it took to make this work." He tugged on her hands, drawing her closer. "I meant that." His ever-expressive eyes sought hers. "This is me doing that, Rae." He pulled her into him and wrapped his arms tightly around her. "I'm not going to let Control Freak tear us apart. No matter hard how it gets."
She shuddered in his embrace, her arms automatically circling around his waist. She clung tightly to him, never wanting to let go. Her fingers curled into the fabric of his uniform and she held on as if afraid he might slip through her fingers. The relief she felt at his words was overwhelming. He wasn't here to break things off with her. He was here to remind her of one of the many reasons why she'd chosen him to begin with.
"I'm sorry I walked out on you. I promise never to do that again."
"I deserved it," she whispered into his shoulder. "I never should have said… I didn't mean…" She fumbled for a proper way to apologize. But how could she? What she'd said…how did one make that right? She'd called his contributions to the team useless.
"I know you didn't mean it," he whispered into her hair.
"I didn't," she said firmly. "I'm just so…scared."
He jerked in surprise and pulled back to look at her. "Scared?" The word seemed to genuinely confuse him. To him, this power switch appeared to be annoying, sure. Agitating, yes. But never frightening. He might be all over the place with her powers, they might sap him of energy, but fear had never been his reaction to them.
To her, this power switch had become terrifying. His ability to go with the flow had helped him adapt over the last month, at least as far as fear was concerned. Sure, he still had a long way to go in mastering her powers, but he wasn't frightened of them. Raven, on the other hand, with her rigid ways…she was not adapting well at all.
"I'm terrified," she admitted, her whole body trembling. She lifted her face from his shoulder so he could see the truth in her eyes. "I'm not good at being spontaneous. You know that. And that's what your powers require. Your powers aren't stupid. I'm just too stupid to use them," she admitted helplessly. "And I was embarrassed to admit that."
She felt her cheeks heat with a flush as her confession hovered in the air between them, practically tangible. And still there was more weighing on her… She'd already confessed to most of her issues. She might as well get it all out in the open.
That decided, she added in her final fear. "Worst of all, I'm terrified I'll get stuck in animal form, never able to transfer back. I'm so afraid of that happening that I fight it with everything in me. I don't like giving myself over to anything, and allowing something to take over my entire form? That's major. Too major. I just…I can't."
His eyes had widened at her confessions, growing larger and larger the more she spoke. Once she was finally done, he shook his head and cupped her face in his hands. "First off, you are the most intelligent woman I've ever met. You're so smart it's intimidating, so you can just stop with that 'too stupid' to figure out my powers nonsense." His expression softened. "And, Raven, don't you know…you can't get stuck."
"How could you possibly know that?" she whispered, feeling fear swell in her chest at just the thought. "Just because you were good enough never to get stuck—"
"Babe, there's a failsafe," he said with a smirk.
She blinked at him, not understanding. "There is?"
He nodded. "How did you never notice?" His lips quirked with amusement. "If I get startled badly enough, I revert to human form. If I get knocked out, I revert to human form." He lifted his eyebrows at her. "Did you think it was a personal choice changing from being a Pachycephalosaurs with protective bones in its head to a diminutive human after being tossed into the side of a concrete wall and sliding to the sidewalk?"
"Your body reverts?" she asked in amazement. He was right. How had she never noticed that before? It was knowledge that lingered in the back of her brain, but she'd never really paid much attention to it.
"I revert." He shook her arms lightly, playfully. "So there's nothing for you to be afraid of. You aren't going to get permanently stuck. If you ever start to worry you can't change back, just give me a sign. I'll give you a few good conks on the head and you'll be back to you. You'll have a blazing headache, but you'll be you."
Relief washed through her and she sagged against him. "That's something I wish I'd realized a month ago." She nuzzled into his chest, relishing the comforting and familiar feel of him. "It's been hell." And truly it had been. The most embarrassing part was that an easy reassurance had been at her fingertips all along. If only she'd properly communicated with him… She let out a sigh, feeling tension ease out of her with each slow breath. "I really am sorry, Gar. I promise I'll try harder at this."
"And I'll try harder too. If you say meditation—"
"No. Just because meditation worked for me doesn't necessarily mean it's right for you. You were right about that. Maybe we should try something a little different…like a yoga/meditation blend. It's a little more movement, a little less quiet. That might be better for someone high energy, such as yourself. It was selfish of me to expect you to automatically connect with what worked for me. That wasn't fair to you."
He squeezed her tightly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "To be fair, I wasn't trying very hard either. I'm so used to my powers coming naturally that having to work at things has been an irritation to me. But that isn't your fault. I should have been giving my best effort, and I wasn't." Pulling back slightly, he gazed down into her eyes. "We'll try the yoga thing tomorrow morning. Then in the afternoon we'll work on your transformations. Now that you don't have so much to fear associated with shifting, I bet things come easier for you."
He suddenly smirked, his expression becoming devilish. "But for now…I just want to kiss you." He softened his arms around her, his grip becoming more romantic and less about comforting mutual fear. It was the embrace of a lover, and she willingly relaxed into it.
While she grew comfortable in his arms, he lowered his lips to hers, treating her to a gentle, lingering kiss that melted her insides like warm cocoa.
With a soft whimper of approval, Raven opened her mouth to him, deepening the kiss.
Garfield tugged her closer, his hands running seductively down her spine to rest against her lower back. He pressed his body to hers, his warmth sinking into her, heating her, his hard muscles sending a tremor of longing through her. "I feel like it's been forever since I've good and kissed you," he said with a groan.
"It's been about a month," she admitted. "I've missed it."
"I missed it to." He ran his hands gently down her face, brushing her long purple hair back. "Let's never allow a villain to have an impact on our relationship again." He leaned down and nuzzled his nose against hers.
She sighed, the rest of her tension evaporating. "Agreed." She closed her eyes, soaking in the sensation of his mere presence, of the obvious love radiating from him. "Thank you for coming to me, for being the bigger person."
If there was any question in her mind that he hadn't matured over the years, that he was no longer a boy but a man, this would have cemented it. He'd swallowed his pride and come to her. He'd made himself vulnerable in an attempt to repair their relationship, and she wouldn't forget that.
"I'll always come for you, Rae."
"Garfield, those might be the most romantic words ever spoken." She lifted her face so she could gaze up at him. She took in his bashful expression, his messy green hair, his gentle eyes. And she loved every detail she saw.
"Surely not. They came from me, and we both know I'm hopeless when it comes to that sort of stuff."
She rolled her eyes. "A hopeless romantic, you mean." She smirked teasingly. "I'm still not sure why I thought hooking up with a guy who wears his heart on his sleeve was a good idea."
"Please, you wouldn't have it any other way."
"You're right." She lifted up onto her tiptoes to brush her lips against his. "I wouldn't."
OOOOO
It was early the next morning, the sun having barely risen, but Raven and Beast Boy were already well into their yoga practice. And it was going well. She'd walked him through an hour practice, talking him through different poses, showing him the basics…and a few things that weren't so basic. Now, they were finishing their practice up with a free flow session, each repeating poses that had felt good for them this morning.
Raven wasn't sure if it was the fact that they'd strengthened their bond the day before or if yoga was just that much better for him than meditation, but things were so much improved it was hard to imagine yesterday had actually happened. Things felt close to how they'd been before Control Freak switched their powers.
She watched from downward facing dog as he returned to a very complicated upward facing two-foot staff pose. She smirked from her position, watching him arch and bend his back. After half a minute of controlled breathing in the pose, he pushed back up on his arms into a backbend. Then with agility, he flipped his heels up over his head to land on his feet.
Yeah, he was definitely taking to yoga.
"That was awesome," he said, moseying in her direction. "I can deal with meditation when it's mixed in with other stuff. And some of those yoga poses are no joke. I take back every sarcastic comment I've ever made about it."
From her bent angle, she saw his lips curve playfully as he approached her from behind. "It's the kind of workout that makes a guy horny. And you're looking really good right now." He placed his hands on her hips and playfully thrust his groin into her backside.
Raven's eyes widened and she had to dig her fingers into her mat to keep from toppling over in surprise. They hadn't had sex in a month. The emotional onslaught of such intimacy was not something he'd been prepared to handle. He sure seemed ready right now.
She wasn't going to just swoon like some girl and give him what he wanted right away though. That wasn't her style. Kicking her feet up, she bounced them off his chest and did a handspring of her own to land on her feet. "Well then come and get me."
The sexy grin that spread across his face at her challenge had her knees trembling, but she pretended to be unaffected as she lifted her chin stubbornly.
"Oh, I do love the chase," he said, voice low and gravelly. He started forward, stalking toward her with determination.
When he reached for her arm, Raven twisted, spinning away. She bounced on her feet, turning to face him. "And I love the fight." She balled her hands into fists, squaring off against him. They hadn't sparred like this in what felt like forever and it was just one more thing she'd missed. The yoga mats spread on the rooftop would break the majority of their falls and it would be a good workout.
"How do you intend to resist me without your powers?" he asked in amusement. With a lightning quick move, he snagged her wrist and whipped her toward him. He spun her, placing her back against his chest, holding her captive there.
Raven kicked her feet up off the ground. When her momentum brought her back down, she kept her legs tucked up against her chest, forcing him to support the bulk of her weight. She might have been small, but he wasn't expecting the move.
He stumbled forward, losing his balance. His grasp on her broke and she tumbled to the mats on her hands and knees. When he recovered and reached for her, she rolled onto her back and then kicked his legs out from under him.
He hit the ground and before he could recover, she thrust him to his back and dove on him, her knees pinning his arms to the ground.
"I'll just have to overpower you the old-fashioned way." She smirked down at him, applying a little more pressure with her knees.
He chuckled, amused. "You seem to forget that I'm not shorter than you anymore, Rae Rae. I'm bigger. Stronger." He managed to bring his legs up and around her waist. With one hard tug, he knocked her to her back. Rolling through, he straddled her abdomen, pinning her to the ground instead. "You can't win."
"Said every chauvinist ever," she grumbled. She'd never been much of a fighter, but Robin had been working with her over the years. He'd been preparing her in case she ever found herself in a position where her powers weren't available to her. And she'd been learning.
Reaching up quickly, she wrapped her arms around his neck, getting him in a half nelson hold. The headlock pulled him off balance, lessening the pressure he put on her waist to hold her down, and Raven was able to roll. She came to rest awkwardly between his legs, but for the moment, she had the advantage.
That was until he brought an arm up. With a vicious chop to her forearm, he broke her hold on his neck. As her arms came free, he grasped her wrists tightly in one hand. Then he used his weight to roll once again.
She was pinned beneath him, breathing hard, hands restrained above her.
Before she could fight back, he said, "Let's just call it a tie." Then his mouth claimed hers in a bruising kiss. He pressed the erection that had been growing with each grapple into her, rocking their hips together.
Raven moaned into his mouth, arching her body up into his. It was glorious to feel his mouth on hers again, his body hard and demanding against her own. It had been too long, and her need for him was overwhelming.
He growled possessively, his hand tightening around her wrists. His free hand buried in her hair, tugging lightly at her locks before running down the side of her face.
She whimpered, squirming against him, feeling desperate for more. She'd missed this so very much. The way he could ignite a fire in her almost instantaneously. "Gar…" She tugged lightly at her hands, and he released her. The instant she was free, she curved her arms around his neck, keeping him close as she deepened their kiss.
His tongue delved into her mouth, sliding against hers in an erotic, slow tango. His hips ground against hers again, needful and full of unfulfilled longing. Too quickly for her liking, he drew his mouth away from hers, but the words he spoke against her lips were worth the sacrifice.
"What do you say we take this back to my room?"
She blinked up at him in surprise, her heart pattering in her chest and her body thrumming with need. "Are you sure you can handle it?" she asked, unable to keep her concerns at bay.
"Trust me, I can handle it," he responded, his voice thick with arousal. "I've found my focal point of concentration and peace." He smirked and brushed his lips against hers. "It's you." He kissed her again, his lips lingering longer this time. "As long as I'm with you and we're a team, nothing can rattle me."
Her heart swelled at his admission, cementing for her that things were going to be all right. She had him in her corner and there was nothing better than that. "Well then what are you waiting for?" she asked coyly. "Let's get to your room."
OOOOO
An hour later, Raven lay draped across Garfield's chest, her body stated and content. Forget meditation. There was nothing more relaxing than a love-making session with him. It was hands-down the best way to relieve some stress. She gave a satisfied sigh and hugged him tighter.
His fingers had been grazing through her hair, but they stopped at her exhale. "Hey, Rae?" he asked curiously.
"Hmm?" Her eyes were closed and she was too relaxed to open them.
"What do you think about trying to transform into an animal now?"
And there went her relaxation. Her eyes popped open and she lifted her head to gaze down at him. "Now?" she asked incredulously. While she was naked and in a post-coital haze? Was he insane?
"Yeah, now." He shrugged with a guilty little grin. "I wouldn't be wrong in saying you're pretty relaxed right now, right? What better time to try something you're nervous about than when you're feeling all languid and lazy?"
Damn it, he was right. She was always struggling with his abilities because she was tense and worked up. Now that her muscles were relaxed and her mind was calm, it was the best time to attempt a transformation.
"And I promise you won't get stuck in animal form. Just turn into something small, like a kitten or something, and if you get stuck, I'll throw you at the wall."
Her eyebrows rose at this. "Whoa. And here I thought you were all against animal cruelty. Then you go offering to throw kittens at walls."
He chuckled, shaking his head. "That's worst-case scenario. I feel fairly confident I won't have to throw any kittens. Otherwise I wouldn't have offered." He shrugged. "Besides, if I throw you at the wall, when you hit, you'll become Raven again. I'll be throwing Raven into a wall, not a kitten."
She rolled her eyes at this attempt at logic before asking, "But if I know it's coming, doesn't that defeat the purpose of being startled?"
He snorted. "Trust me, I've been thrown into walls numerous times. It doesn't matter if you know it's coming. It's startling all the same."
She narrowed her eyes at him, looking for any sign that he might not be telling the truth. Not finding any reason to distrust him, she sighed. "Fine. I'll try turning into something. But does it have to be a kitten? Kittens are so…girly."
"Hey, my cat form is one of my favorites! There's nothing girly about it! But whatever. You can turn into whatever you want. Kitten, snake, meerkat." He grinned, waggling his eyebrows. "I just envisioned you as a cute little kitten curled up on my chest, purring. There's something kind of sexy about that."
She sat up, shaking out her hands to ward away the nerves rising in her. "You're weird," she accused.
"We've already established that, yes. Don't pretend like it's a surprise now, six months into our relationship."
She laughed lightly, a smirk coming to her lips. "I suppose you're right. Too late to worry about your weirdness now." Immediately following her sentence, she let out a long exhale. "Okay, turn into a kitten. I can do that, right? I've become a cat before, albeit unintentionally. I can do this."
"You can," he said encouragingly. He sat up in the bed and the blanket pooled into his lap.
She took a moment to longingly peruse his abdomen with her gaze. She would much rather lick a path up his abs and repeat the activity they'd just partaken in, but she knew that would just be stalling, no matter how fun it might be. "All right. I'm going to do it."
Closing her eyes, she took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, picturing a small, harmless kitten. As she focused on the form, she reminded herself that a kitten wasn't such a big deal. And she couldn't get stuck. There was nothing to worry about.
Once she had a clear vision in her mind of what she wanted, she silently commanded herself to become what her mind saw. She heard a little 'pop' that was followed by a moment of weightlessness. An instant later, her feet hit the comforter—all four of her feet.
She opened her eyes and glanced down at herself. Paws. Fur. Whiskers. She was indeed a cat. She stretched out a front paw, testing out the form. She'd never transformed into an animal without the accompanying sensation of panic, so this was a different experience. She could take the time to observe her new body, her new vantage point of her surroundings.
It wasn't all bad, she supposed. Being a cat was rather comfortable. She didn't feel as if she was about to have a panic attack, so there was that. It was better than any other time she'd been in animal form, so at the moment, she wasn't going to complain.
Garfield reached a hand out and stroked it along her back. "You okay?" he asked.
The sensation of his hand stroking along her fur, down her tail, was unbelievably pleasurable. She found herself arching against his hand instinctively. Not wanting to get too distracted, she nodded in response to his question.
"Good. Do you think you can become Raven again? This one should be easier, as it's your natural form. Your body is accustomed to it and feels most natural reverting to that."
She bobbed her head again, wondering how it must look to see a purple cat nodding in understanding. Closing her eyes once more, she concentrated on what her reflection appeared like in the mirror. She envisioned her purple hair, her pale skin.
He was right about her body reverting naturally to its original form, because the 'pop' came almost before she was expecting it. She opened her eyes in excitement, a small grin touching her lips. "I did it."
"I knew you could." He reached a hand out to stroke her bare shoulder. "There's nothing we can't accomplish when we're working as a team."
"Cheesy," she accused.
"Yeah." He chuckled. "But it's true."
"It is." She leaned forward in a rare spontaneous movement and kissed him. Sure, they kissed all the time, but it was usually Garfield who initiated intimacy. She was too awkward, too shy. Most of the time.
Now, though, she pressed her lips firmly to his and lifted a hand to cup his cheek. She scooted closer on the bed, her other hand coming to rest on his pectoral muscle. She splayed her fingers out, feeling his heart beating beneath her hand. It was a comforting sensation.
His hand went to her hip and he tugged her closer. "You know what? I've changed my mind. Forget having a purring kitten draped across my chest. I want a naked Raven draped over me. Are you down with that?"
She smirked and moved in closer, crawling on top of him as he laid back down against the pillows. "I'm completely down with that." She stretched out on top of him, enjoying the rare moment of peaceful alone time with him, enjoying the sight of his happy smile. "I could do this all day."
"And I have every intention to." With that, he put a hand to the back of her neck and drew her in for a kiss.
