"Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent." ~ Marilyn vos Savant
"Bella? Bella hun, are you awake?"
I groan and cover my head with my pillow. Maybe she'll get the hint and go away because I'm not awake.
My bedroom door opens anyway. "Um, Bella, there's a, there is a boy... out in the driveway. He appears to be...to be asleep... in his car? I don't know him, so will you, uh, go and see if he's... yours? Please?"
What is she talking about? I huff and throw my pillow to the floor. "Mom, are you serious right now?" I can't image who would be asleep in our driveway.
I look at the clock, Edward isn't due here for another hour and a half.
It's too damn early to deal with this, but I slip on a pair of flip flops and head outside.
As soon as I open the door, I freeze in my spot.
I know that car.
It is Edward.
What in the...
I approach the car, nervous and unsure.
I peek in through the window.
Yep, it definitely is Edward and he's definitely still asleep.
His head is thrown back against the headrest and his mouth is gaping open. That may even be drool that's rolling out of the corner of his mouth.
Aw, he's still cute.
I bend down and use my fingernail to tap on his driver side window.
He doesn't move.
I make a fist and rap a little harder on the window.
He doesn't even budge.
Shit.
I check the door, it's unlocked, so I jerk it open quickly.
His head flops to the side but he still doesn't wake up.
But what I notice is the aroma from the interior of the car that assaults me as soon as I open the door, all cinnamon and clean and warm and boy.
It makes me tingle.
His gum has fell out of his mouth and is stuck to his shirt, and there's a small puddle of drool on his collar too.
The lights are still lit up on his dash, so his car probably was running at some point when he fell asleep, and I bet he has ran out of gas. But did he run out of gas as he got here or while he waited?
And why would he not come to the door and knock?
Edward Cullen, what am I going to do with you?
I put my hand on his shoulder, he's still warm, so he's not dead, not that I thought he was, but... yeah.
I push on his shoulder a little.
He sways with the force, but doesn't wake up.
I push a little harder, practically shaking him now, "Edward, wake up! Edward! Hey! Wake up!"
His eyes begin to flutter open.
Thank goodness.
His hand comes up to wipe at his face and his drool drizzled chin.
He looks over at me, still standing in my pajamas at his open door.
His eyes narrow and then he looks around again, obviously confused and still half asleep.
"Bella?" His voice is low and scruffy, it sounds different first thing in the morning.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" I step back and watch him unbuckle his seat belt. He's still looking around his car, then he turns off the switch.
He mutters something under his breath, I try not to laugh at him.
"Uh, I came over here last night... you weren't home, so I was going to to wait until you got here. But I must have dozed off and left my car running, and now, crap. Now I'm out of gas. Www-what time did you get home anyway?" His voice begins to rise as he talks and at the same time his cheeks darken in embarrassment.
"Edward, come on in. Let's get you a shower and some coffee. We still have an hour or so before we have to leave for traffic school. We can talk after you wake up."
He seems hesitant, but he follows me in.
I show him where he can shower and clean up in the spare bathroom. I ask if he needs anything, he shakes his head, so I go to my own bathroom to get ready.
I don't have any idea what he would want to talk to me about.
I said I would ride with him and that we could hang out for the rest of the week.
What else is there?
... *lg* …
I dress and pull my hair up. I go into the kitchen and start us a pot of coffee. I go ahead and prepare our lunch, more pimento cheese sandwiches and chocolate pudding cups.
Before too much longer his bare feet drag against the hardwood floor, alerting me of his presence. He's carrying his shoes and socks in his hands. His hair is wet and flat, and darker than it normally is. He also has shed one of his t-shirts, the drool stained one, only wearing the plain white under shirt.
I watch as he looks at our surroundings. He's never been in the inside of my house, only a few of my friends have. It's weird to see him here, but weird in a good way.
He sits his stuff down near the doorway, and runs his hand through his hair. He's shuffling back and forth on his feet, clearly uncomfortable.
"How do you like it?" I ask as I hold up a coffee cup.
Instead of telling me, he takes long strides over to me, and takes the cup out of my hands. He fixes his coffee to his liking and I watch with amusement.
He always seems so confident and even borderline cocky, and now he's all shy and at a loss of words.
I like it.
He turns around to stand and rest against the counter. He blows at his coffee. I watch as his lips pucker and then force myself to stop looking. I take a seat at the table, throwing out my hand to offer for him to sit with me.
Eventually he does.
But we are too stiff and quiet.
Screw it, "Why were you asleep in my driveway, Edward?"
He looks up at me over his mug as he takes a sip, stalling. "I told you, I was waiting for you. Where were you all night?"
I roll my eyes. "I was here, I got home around eleven thirty. Then I went upstairs and went to bed, but why were you waiting on me?"
"It didn't look like you were home. I mean, that's why I didn't come to the door and knock or anything. I didn't want to wake your parents up, but... you were here?" He sits his cup down on the table with a look of agitation in his otherwise, gorgeous green eyes.
"You wouldn't have woke my parents, it's just me and my mom and she works nights, so..." I don't know why I'm reluctant to tell him things.
"You're home at night by yourself?" He asks with shock.
I nod.
"Every night?"
I nod again, "Yeah, I'm used to it."
"Where does she work?" He begins to whisper now.
"It's not important Edward, and you're not going to wake her up, trust me. We can talk about that another time." I tuck my stray hair behind my ear, "But what did you want?" I notice that I'm whispering to and leaning in toward him just a little.
"I wanted to talk..." He fingers the handle of his mug. His eyes wide and sad, his eyebrows scrunched together.
"About what?" I ask, so quiet, it's almost just a breath.
He waits to answer, "Anything..." he looks down at his hands before looking back up at me, "...everything."
Then my cell phone buzzes on the counter, breaking us out of our bubble.
I go and check it.
I laugh when I look at it. "It was my alarm, Edward's going to be here soon to pick me up."
He shakes his head with a laugh. "We should get going then, before he gets here. Let me get my shoes on."
"Take this." I stuff the full lunch bag into his hands after he joins me back in the kitchen.
"What's this?" He asks as I lock the front door.
"It's our lunch, we'll have plenty of time to eat. It seems you got some 'splaining to do today." I wink as we walk toward his car.
"Crap, I'm out of gas remember." His shoulders fall in defeat and he just stands there.
"Hang on." I run back inside and grab my keys to my car. I dangle them in front of his face, "You can drive mine."
"Seriously?" He asks almost giddy as he rushes around to the driver's side to unlock the door.
"Boys," I mumble as we get in and drive away.
... *lg* …
Edward's quiet as he drives, he keeps rubbing his hands over and around the steering wheel and pushing all the buttons.
"You like my silver Volvo, do you?" I tease.
He shrugs, "I just like driving different cars, it's a thrill." He pushes on the gas harder and looks over at me wiggling his eyebrows.
"Is that why you're in traffic school?" I ask.
"Doing this?" He revs the motor again. "Yeah, I have a lead foot, I've gotten one too many speeding tickets and then I ran a red light, well, technically it was still yellow, but..."
I snort, "You're such a rebel."
"What about you?"
"Oh, uh, let's see. Speeding, failure to use a signal, not yielding to traffic, speeding again, broken tail light, eluding police and then finally, reckless driving."
"Holy shit. Were you trying to get your license revoked?"
I take a deep breath. "No, I just hoping not to get caught. I've learned my lesson though, sowed those seeds, whatever. My dad's a cop upstate, so he pulled a few strings for me." I feel guilty as I talk about it. It all sounds so immature now.
"Damn." Edward says under his breath.
"What did you want to talk to me about?" I ask as we pull into the building where traffic school is being held.
Edward gets out and reaches into the back seat for our lunch. We meet at the front of the car and he says two words, "Ben Cheney," and I know this talk will have to wait.
... *lg* …
Officer Jenks tells us after he takes roll that we will be watching a slide presentation in another room today. He leads us down the hall into a room that has bench seats that look like old church pews. Hard, uncomfortable seats. Really? We have to sit here all day?
Edward and I find to a place to sit toward the back.
I'm right, we might as well be sitting on a bare two by four.
Edward sits on the end and not long after the lights go off, his heads starts to bob forward. He's falling asleep!
I elbow him, "Wake up!"
He shakes his head and rubs both his palms over his face. "Sorry, I didn't sleep much last night. I was awake until three waiting on you." he hisses.
Just minutes later his head is falling forward again. I lean over toward him, gently reaching up and sliding my right palm against the left side of his neck. I tug his head over toward me. I know he's half asleep but I instruct him anyway. "Edward, lay your head on my shoulder."
He scoots further down into the bench, his legs widening and his knee rubbing against my leg. His arms are crossed, and he burrows his face deeper in the crook of my neck, so much more intimate than just leaning his head over onto my shoulder.
I hold my breath a little.
My fingertips are still on his bare skin on his neck, right at the edge of his hair, I can't help but scratch and move my fingers up just a little before I pull my hand away. He makes this noise, it's a cross between a hum and a groan, and I feel the vibrations of it skate over my body, like a warm breeze on a cool day.
We stay in this position for a long time. Every once in a while he takes this deep breath and then slowly exhales. It tickles the stray hairs around my face and my neck. It makes my breath catch every time.
Once I even accidentally turn my head toward him, forgetting he was so close. The hair on the top of his head brushes against my nose and before I can stop myself, I'm inhaling him. The bad thing is, I don't stop. I keep breathing him in. My face practically buried in his hair. Over and over again. His smell is strong and distinctive and good and all him.
I forget who he is, and who I am, and all those walls that will always be between us.
Right now, he's just a guy and I'm just a girl, nothing more, nothing less.
When Jenks goes to turn off the projector, I'm hating the fact that I have to stop smelling him, and that I have to wake him up.
I refuse to think about how much I have enjoyed our bubble.
And that it's a turn-on in the most odd of ways.
I reach back up, put my fingers in his hair, right behind his ear, "Edward, Hey! Wake up!"
He groans again and I back away. His head slowly lifts from my body and instantly I miss it.
He looks up at my face with groggy eyes and then back down to my shoulder.
I tentatively smile and mouth the words, "wake up."
"Oh shit." He stretches his arms above his head and I force myself to look away. "Is that?" He points to my shoulder, "did I drool on you?"
I stand and cringe, even though I don't think it's gross at all. "Yeah, I guess you did."
"Let me..." He bites his lip and shuffles to stand behind me. He tilts my head over to the side, and begins to wipe at my shirt. But instead of feeling that, I feel his fingertips as they accidentally swipe the bare skin of my neck. I feel the toes of his shoes between my legs as he stands so close. I feel his knee bend and hit against the back of my leg as he shifts even closer. I see the top of his head as he peers over my shoulder from behind. I feel his shirt as it comes into contact with the back of my arm.
"There," then I feel his breath heat my shoulder as he inspects my shirt.
"It's... gah... don't. It's fine." I walk away quicker than I should to the break room so we can eat our lunch.
He takes our food and begins to spread it out on the table while I get us a couple of drinks from the machine.
"Have a nice nap?" I hand him his Dr. Pepper.
He takes his gum out of his mouth and pops the top to take a big drink. "Not enough. I'm still tired as fuck."
"Hmmm," I nod.
We eat in silence. He devours it. I take my time.
I only eat half my sandwich. I wrap the leftovers up to toss them in the garbage and he watches me like I've just lost my mind.
"You're not throwing that away are you?" He scoffs.
"Yeah, I guess, I..."
He shakes his head and takes it from my hand, only to remove the wrapper and stick the rest of it in his mouth all at once.
I roll my eyes and look at the clock, we have ten more minutes.
"So?" I say.
"Yeah," he rubs his hands on his thighs and rocks back and forth.
"I talked to Emmett." Edward admits.
"I figured as much." I say as my body starts to stiffen with disgust.
"And Bella, I had no idea. I was out of town when that happened, and you know I had nothing to do with it, don't you? I.." he shakes his head. "I'm so sorry."
I cut him off, "Edward, I didn't know what your involvement was or anything, but I don't think I'm the one you need to be apologizing to."
He nods. "I know that, I just feel so shitty about it all. I swear, I don't know what my problem is."
I generally feel bad for holding it against Edward when he probably didn't even have anything to do with it.
"Now do you understand what I mean when I say we can't be friends? It won't work, Edward."
He stands up and ignores my comment. "Let's go back to class."
He walks away and I follow him down the hall. His demeanor is defeated and his hands are tucked deep in his pockets. He takes long strides, but his steps are slow.
He plops back down on our spot on the bench seats. I carefully sit down beside him. He looks over at me, his gorgeous face marred with a heartbreaking frown.
I try to smile at him, but he looks away first.
The lights go back off and the hum of the projector fills the room again.
Edward leans over, his face still looking straight ahead, and not at me. "I don't care what they say, Bella... we're still friends. I won't let them dictate my life like that."
I look over at him, his face serious and stern, his lips straight, his jaws clenching.
I want to agree with him, I do.
It just isn't that easy, and as bad as I don't want to admit, it might not even be worth it.
Can you say slow burn?
It's only Wednesday in fic world, so they have 2 days of traffic school left. Have I said yet that this traffic school is based on RL events? I went (had to go), as a senior, I met a guy (very popular guy from my school), they rest they say is history. I did date him for a few weeks, but we didn't .. ya know. Now I'm wishing...
Please review.
Twitter: Mrs_Robward
