Bookends By: Bella's Executioner.
Rating: M- this means if you're under 16 you are agreeing to break your own ToS by reading this and I'm not your mother so be responsible for yourself.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. She is Bella's creator. I am Bella's Executioner.
A/N: Bookends is the very first fanfiction I started writing. It's been on this site, moved and come back. It has errors, fuck ups and lots of proofs that I'm human but it also has all of my heart and soul in it. I welcome you into this world of pain and love and hope that you enjoy. I also welcome your thoughts as you read—pm me or review and I'll be happy to discuss the story with you.
Chapter 9: A Stranger Now Unto Me
-**-Bookends-**-
EPOV (Cullenista campaign party, Victoria, B.C. one week later January 2008)
I stood in the bathroom of the rented house staring down the motherfucker in the mirror for the hundredth time today.
Who the fuck was he?
I knew who I was—Edward Masen, seventeen year old fuck up and bastard best friend to Bella Swan. But the motherfucker was… someone entirely different.
I don't know how it happened. One minute I was completely in control, just like every other fucking night. Bella was playing her shit-ass game of touch and go. She was feeling sorry for herself that I would go away to Boston, leaving her all alone. I could read that shit in her eyes. So I did what I always did. I fucked around with her. I took her, and me, pretty far. And when she was gagging for me to just finish the fucking job I stopped.
But she didn't stay true to form. Usually she played the solid trooper and just stopped too. I gave her the same amount of time to collect herself that I had given her every night. But this time she slipped.
For the briefest of seconds I saw the utter devastation that I was causing her.
I snarled at the motherfucker in the mirror. He had no fucking right! That bitch was hurting me! Mike Newton knew more about Bella's childhood than she ever shared with me. Emmett was the one she really wanted to fight her battles. Alice was the shoulder she really wanted to cry on. And her daddy was the only guy she really wanted to have love her.
Fucking spoiled bitch!
The motherfucker's face didn't frown to match mine—it scrunched in to a grimace of self hatred.
He wouldn't let me ignore it.
The way that tiny shred of pain on her goddamn beautiful face ate at me. Then, because she was drunk and would have little recollection of the night's events, she slept facing me.
I sighed along with the motherfucker this time.
That was always sure to undermine my determination. It just felt so fucking right to have Bella pressed against me like that. When we spooned she was still in my arms and I could still breathe in her sweet scent. My arms could still keep her safe and our bodies could find warmth from each other. But when she faced me… I could feel her heart beating next to mine. I could feel her breath on my skin. That made the twinge of guilt burn inside of me that night.
And when her little lips touched my neck so fucking softly that I nearly cried… the motherfucker took over.
"I love you," he whispered.
What the fuck was that! I didn't love her! I didn't love anything!
Tanya and Ed had beaten that fucking emotion right out of this sorry ass. But there I was, fucking holding her and smelling her and fucking feeling sorry for her.
No...fucking loving her.
The big brown eyes that were embedded deep in the motherfucker's waxy face were terrified. I couldn't keep denying it to my self much longer. In the beginning, I hung around Bella because I felt sorry for her. I made a promise to myself four years ago that I would do right by her and not let her end up like me. But I didn't consider the possibility that I would fucking fall for her.
There was a soft knock on the door.
"Edward?"
Fuck!
I gripped the sink and the motherfucker ducked his head toward the basin with me. I needed to get a grip before she came in—I couldn't fight the motherfucker with her around.
"Be out in a minute!" I shouted.
My voice was strained. I needed to get out of this fucking place and get back to our tree. I needed to relax with Bella in my arms and… what? Did I honestly believe that by falling asleep with her scent in my nose and her warm body pressed against mine that it would help me forget her?
" Kay," Bella said real fucking quiet.
I sighed again. The motherfucker wasn't staring back at me when I looked up, but I got the feeling that he wasn't gone completely.
I rolled my eyes. This place was too fucking full of people and way too fucking loud for me tonight.
Bella was standing against the wall facing the door when I came out. She looked a little worried about me.
Why? I only had a couple of shots of vodka—that shit I could handle.
She was the fucking light weight. Her eyes were already glazed over from her Tom Collins. She was biting that fucking luscious bottom lip of hers. I licked mine in some fucked up anticipation while I watched. I was always going to be too chicken shit to follow through with doing anything that I really wanted to do with Bella.
I told myself that I kept my distance from her to tease her. To make her earn me. But really...I was afraid of the dark shit I had buried deep inside of me. I was a fucking pussy when it came to trusting anyone with my heart.
And I really fucking wanted to give my heart to her.
The motherfucker stirred somewhere deep inside at that stray thought.
"Hey," she whispered.
Fuck. Why did it always drive me fucking crazy when she said that?
I stumbled slightly as I leaned into her and pressed her against the wall. I let the buzz lead the way as I ran my nose along her neck. She went fucking ape shit whenever I put my lips on her neck. The motherfucker really wanted to make her go a little crazy—kind of like she was making him feel.
I kissed her skin below her jaw and I heard her breath catch. I smiled against her flesh as I nipped her throat with gentle teeth. She whimpered delicately. I pressed my now painful erection against her—right there in the middle of the fucking hallway.
Totally fucked.
Some asshole cleared his throat to let me know he needed to take a piss. I snarled as I turned my head to glare at him. He was drawing my focus away from my girl's skin—I'd bash his fucking face in.
"It's okay," Bella breathed. She actually sounded a little embarrassed. She pulled my face back to hers. The motherfucker really loved looking at her face.
"Let's go outside."
I nodded.
Whatever she wanted—I was fucking hers.
There were hundreds of stoned-assed motherfuckers all over the three-story house. Alice and Jazz were sucking face in the corner and Emmett and Jake we checking out one of the many bedrooms.
Fuck. Why couldn't I just do it already?
I fucking wanted Bella so bad. Why couldn't I just let her have her way just this once.
Bella grabbed a bottle of Jack from the bar as we headed through the glass doors.
The night was crisp and chilly. There was a spacious garden that led to a surrounding of a couple of moonlit paths. One of the darker walks led to a huge covered deck by the lakeside.
I stumbled along the path, pulling her beside me down to the lake. I would rather we be in our tree house tonight, but we were two hours away from Forks, and there was no fucking way that I would be able to even get to my Volvo let alone drive us home.
Luckily there wasn't anyone there when we found the improvised sanctuary.
I took off my jacket and draped it around Bella's shoulders as we sat on the edge of the deck. It wasn't exactly like sitting in our tree. The sky was a little clearer- you could almost make out the stars. And instead of the unending Cullen backyard we had the quiet lap of the midnight water as it hit the shore with the gentle breeze.
But it was peaceful. We were the only two people in this place just like we were in our hideout at home.
Home. There was a fucked up word in my vocabulary.
Bella handed me the bottle and I took a long pull of the burning whiskey. You really shouldn't mix your alcohol unless you want to see your toes come out of your nostrils but I needed to drown the motherfucker before he made me do anything else that I would regret. I could feel the fire burning down my throat and relaxing my limbs even more as I looked over at her.
"My dad didn't even return my call this morning," her voice was all quiet and shit.
The motherfucker was coming up—waiting for the right moment to attack my resolve.
She laughed. "I guess there are more important things to worry about. Tonight was her dance recital."
Her face got all bitter when she mentioned that girl—Vanessa. I know it wasn't her fault for living, but it wasn't Bella's fault for wanting half the support she saw that little cow get.
I didn't say anything. I just listened. That was the one damn thing I never fucked up with Bella. I could listen to her forever. I sighed and threw back another shot. T
hen I froze as I watched her from the corner of my eye—the motherfucker just might get his way tonight. She was fucking beautiful.
Fuck.
Bella's hair was just long enough to be pulled back and as she released the clips she shook out the silky locks like she was moving in slow motion or some shit. Her lips were pink and pouty and slightly parted. And her eyes were huge and almost emerald in the moonlight. She looked really fucking good wearing my jacket. She wasn't wearing it so much as swimming in it. But I got some fucking primal sense of satisfaction when I imagined it was me she was wearing, not just my clothes.
I took another swig of the caramel colored liquor.
What the fuck was I doing with this girl?
That day all those years ago, in this very town, I got into her bed against my own will- like some goddamn magnet was in Bella's body pulling me toward her. And when I saw that pain in her eyes, the same pain that I put in her eyes the other night, something inside of me solidified. There was an ironclad cable from her body to mine. I couldn't not be with her. I couldn't not notice her pain.
The motherfucker stirred through my rapid inebriation.
I couldn't not fall in love with her.
Fuck.
There it was. I fucking loved her.
I followed her around like some lovesick pussy whipped puppy for years and put up with her shit just to be graced with her presence. I stared at the water, my vision blurry around the edges. I really couldn't fucking deny it anymore.
I fucking loved the shit out of this girl.
Totally fucked!
And maybe I really did push her away at night not to protect myself but to keep her safe. I had to—who the fuck else would do it?
For all intents and purposes Bella was every teenage guy's dream girl. She was gorgeous. She was stacked and she had so many issues fucking her mind six ways to Sunday that she was ready and willing for just about anything. At least she was with me. I never really noticed how Bella acted around other people... my mind was growing pretty fuzzy as I thought about it.
Was Bella ever around other people?
I shook my head.
This shit was pretty potent.
A tiny feminine hand reached out and took the bottle from my grasp. I followed the pale arm with my expectant eyes. The bottle rose to the succulent lips that I fantasized about every single minute that I wasn't kissing them. Her pull of the brown liquid was not as deep as mine.
I smiled my fucking drunken smile.
Bella hated alcohol. She hated all of the shit that took you out of control. But she liked the release.
Didn't we all? She liked not being able to think straight, and not having to remember the pain.
A stray memory flooded my mind... a hand coming fast at my face.
I closed my eyes and clenched my body against the threat of pain.
Fuck. It was the smell of the Jack. It always brought back the memories of Ed.
Fuck. I peeked over at Bella, a little apprehensive and shaky.
Her eyes were wide and glazed. She seemed to realize some shit was going on inside my mind but she was too far fucked to fight the warm buzz settling over her.
I smiled again, that fucking crooked smile that I reserved just for her.
Somewhere in the back of my mind I gave up and let the motherfucker win. Why the fuck not. She was everything I would ever want. Who the fucked cared if she never gave herself to me fully? I would take twenty percent of Bella over one hundred percent of any other fucking girl any day.
Just this one moment with Bella was way more than worth it.
More than anything I just wanted to take away her pain.
When I turned my body toward her I was already planning it out. She would be the priority, this wasn't fucking about me. I was pretty damn skilled at taking care of myself these days anyway. I gave her a once over, pulling my eyes slowly across every delicious line of her body. Making sure to take my time staring at my favorite parts. I caressed the skin of her neck with my chocolate stare and when my eyes reached her peaks she let her awareness show as her nipples poke through her shirt.
I just couldn't fucking stop smiling. I was feeling pretty fucking good. Whether the buzz was from the liquor of my hormonal high, who the fuck cared?
I lunged at her... a little too intense. My lips closed around her right breast. She gasped as she fell back under my attack.
I sucked hard through the layers of fabric. She arched her back and moaned. I should have been going crazy—like I couldn't fucking wait to be inside of her. But the motherfucker was front and center in my brain. He wouldn't let this be about me.
I ran my tongue back and forth over her peak.
Fuck, she tasted good.
Her hands tangled in my hair. She was breathing heavy.
Out of nowhere, and with very little build up, my hand smoothed down her chest and abs and found the button of her jeans. I never moved my lips from her chest. I don't know why. I would have fucking loved to kiss her lips. I know that she would have fucking loved to have my lips on her neck.
But I was caught in frantic panic as the motherfucker moved my hand further down her body. Sucking on her tit was like home-base for me. It was safe. It kept me grounded in what I was doing.
And it helped to keep my dick in my pants.
The shit was getting fucking real. And I didn't have the excuse of her age to keep me back anymore. True she was still a minor—but she was hardly a child.
My teeth grazed her nipple and the soft cry that it elicited from her mouth should have driven me fucking insane.
In some odd part of my mind it did, but all it did was force the motherfucker to peal the fabric away from her waist. My fingers followed the warmth beneath her panties.
Fuck I would've loved to see her underwear. I would've loved to see her fucking face. But the motherfucker knew this wasn't about me.
I sucked harder as my fingers felt how intense her reaction was to me. The motherfucker slipped a little then. She was so goddamn wet and hot and from the sounds coming from her chest and mouth she was really fucking enjoying it.
The motherfucker was good to his girl, but he wasn't a fucking saint. Even he was a horny motherfucker.
She didn't speak or move.
She just rode the rhythm that my finger set between her thighs. My tongue followed the pulse and I could feel her body drifting in ecstasy.
It wasn't not pleasurable for me. I really fucking liked the sounds coming out of her body. And I could smell her, heather and raindrops. I kind of rocked uncontrollably next to her as my hand and tongue guided her to that sweet release.
She was arching her back and neck as her hips rose to meet my fingers in a more rapid pace.
It started to rain—some part of my mind noted. The rain fell hard and sharp on the water behind us. The wind whipped through the deck and the trees shook with its violence. Something about the sound of nature's fury pushed Bella over the edge. I was practically there with her as her body pushed harder and faster and then was suddenly tense and still.
She let out one last slow moan and her hands fell from my hair limp by her sides.
I looked at her then. Her forehead was sweaty and her hair stuck to it in wisps. The beat of her heart was still frantic in that spot where he neck met her chest. Her eyes were closed and her lips pulled into a dazzling smile.
I think I had a hint at what the word love meant when I saw that smile.
Bella opened her eyes and the depth of emotion in the sage depths was fucking severe. My breath grew all fucking heavy as I realized that I would crawl over fucking glass to put that smile on her face everyday. Bella was sunshine and happiness. And I fucking loved her.
Her hands wound languidly up to my hair again. I just kept staring in to the center of my universe.
"What the hell was that?" she purred.
Totally fucked!
"I love you."
The conviction in my voice sobered her up instantly. I smirked at the stunned look on her very fucking pleased face. I kissed her lips, my lips, to seal the promise.
She kissed me back timidly. I almost laughed at the fucking deer-in-the-headlights feel of her response. I would make Bella see that I wasn't going anywhere. She didn't get to throw the pity party around me anymore.
Fuck it if she thought she could unload and take and never give me any of her in return. I just took a huge fucking piece of her tonight and it was all fucking mine.
Bella didn't even realize it yet.
Now I didn't have to hide behind the fact that I was totally fucked because she knew I was totally hers.
I fucking knew she was only mine now too.
And I wasn't going anywhere.
-**-Bookends-**-
JazzPOV
"Al are you in here?"
I was getting worried since I hadn't seen her in a while. Em and Jake were relaxing by the pool. And God knew where my brother and his rebel without a cause were.
I spotted Victoria in the kitchen.
Funny, Al had said they were going to go over some new designs in the studio. Where the hell was Alice if Victoria was here?
I awkwardly made my way toward the statuesque redhead. She was a good foot taller than me and very intimidating.
I calmed my nerves so that she would be at ease talking to me. But just as I opened my mouth to speak, I saw the bruise on her wrist. And I heard the sobs coming from her chest. I backed out of the room before she could see me.
That answered most of my questions.
Al obviously wouldn't be meeting with her if she was in that state. That just left one question—where the hell was Alice?
I headed out on to the balcony. The party was mostly dying down. I caught a glimpse of Edward and Bella out on the dock—dancing in the moonlight. The look of carefree happiness on both of their faces was calming. I don't think I'd ever seen my brother smile as much as he did when Ms. Swan was around. It made me smile to think about. He dipped her back in his arms and I could almost here the laughs from her fun. They kissed tenderly once she was upright.
It was truly mesmerizing to watch.
It made all the hellish sights and sounds of debauchery inside the house fade away. All I could hear was Bella laughing in Edward's arms. I imagined that Edward was humming her song as he swayed their bodies in the pouring rain.
Everything else was quiet. Save one little sound. A hitching breath and a tiny cry.
I turned toward the sound in terror. It was Alice, I knew it. My body was tense with fear as I followed the soft noise into the darkness of the garden just off the balcony. Each step that drew me away from the house amplified my anxiety.
When I found her, my heart stopped.
She was pressed against a tree clutching her knees to her chest. She was shaking like the trees above. I was frozen in shock and then I was clenched in rage.
What the fuck happened to her?
"Alice?" I breathed. She gasped and locked her body in terror at the sound of her name. We stood there staring at each other for a few heartbeats. Her makeup was running down her cheeks and her hair was completely matted to her head.
I could see that one of the straps of her dress was torn. My hands were white knuckled as I tried to make sense of what was going on.
"Oh, Jazz," she whispered. Her voice was strange. Not frightened like her face—devoid all emotion really. She ran to me and threw her arms around my neck. I locked her in my protective embrace fiercely.
"I was so fucked up...and then I was lost… And I didn't know where you were…I think there was something in one of my drinks…"
I shushed her and rocked her in my arms. I caressed her back and assured her that everything was okay. She would be hard pressed to convince me that we needed to come back to another one of these parties anytime soon.
"Are you okay?" I asked looking into her eyes and trying to understand the change in her demeanor.
She nodded slowly. I wasn't looking at my Alice. It was freaking me out—on the inside.
We heard laughter coming up behind us.
We turned to see Edward chasing Bella up the path. She was swatting his hand away as he tried to pinch her rear. It was actually cute, but I couldn't appreciate that with my broken girl in my arms.
I ignored the lovers and put my hands against Alice's cheeks. I stroked her flesh with my thumbs—pleading with my eyes. This was more than just a drugged drink…
She shook her head.
Drop it, her eyes said. She turned to meet the happy couple with a perfect pixie smile that looked completely genuine. I was taken aback by the sight. Bella scowled when she noticed the state of Alice's dress. I quickly removed my jacket and draped it over my girl's shoulders. Alice never looked back at me to acknowledge the gesture.
Bella threw a glance over her shoulder at Edward briefly before the girls locked arms and headed up to the house. My brother and I stood for moment in the pouring rain digesting the night's events. It was like we traded places. Like Edward was suddenly optimistic and in love and I was fucked up and at a lost with the woman I loved.
He glared over my shoulder to the balcony railing. I looked up just in time to see Victoria's boyfriend, James, turn away.
I looked back at my brother. His hands were balled in to hard fists as he continued to glare at the now empty balcony.
"That fucking jerk was dropping aspirins in the girl's drinks last summer in Cannes. I'd be willing to bet my fucking five hundred dollar shoes that he was fucking doing it again tonight," he snarled and looked back at me. It was clear that Edward was not aware of my conversation with Alice, or I would be holding him down as he went on the warpath. So he misunderstood the steel hate in my eyes at his words.
If I ever found out that that motherfucker had hurt my Alice, Edward would become the tame Masen brother.
