Chapter 9 - A More Beautiful Word
Her mind wandered for a long while simply allowing the sensation to engulf her, sustain her with its peacefulness. It's just a dream, a small remote part of her brain told her in the quietest of whispers. The smaller body pressed into her chest burrowed in a little deeper seeking warmth and she tightened her arms protectively around it pulling it closer to her but not so much as to wake her. The smaller girl laid facing her pressed close to her with her head on the pillow but tilted towards the older girl chest almost as if in prayer, her neck resting upon Sachiko's left arm while their legs were partially entwined. With a contented sigh Sachiko shifted her head on the pillow so that her cheek rested against the smaller girls' hair and inhaled the rich sent of violets. "Hmm" was the sound she made low in her chest that sounded suspiciously like a purr, as she enjoyed the smell and inhaled again.
"You smell good Onee-sama," whispered a very groggy and sleep filled sultry voice near her chest.
"Five more minutes," Sachiko whispered in a dreamy voice not yet ready to give up this pleasant dream. I wonder if that's how she really sounds in the morning whispered that distant corner of her mind before she pushed it away.
The younger girl shifted snuggling in closer and drew one leg upwards slipping it between Sachiko's and bringing it to rest near mid-thigh from where their legs had been entwined. One slender arm slipped from between their bodies and snaked its way around the older girls' waist and pulled her closer possessively with surprising strength. As she shifted her head upwards on the pillow her lips were only an inch from the older girls' neck and whispered in an equally dreamy voice, "Alright." Her warm moist breath caressed the exposed skin near Sachiko's throat playfully. "I'm not done dreaming yet but I have to go." Suddenly there was a cold breeze as the warm body that was snuggled against her rolled away moving the covers and letting the early morning chill in.
Sachiko's eyes flew open as all vestige of sleep flew from her mind and her heart took off like a horse from the starting gate at full speed. What! Not far from her she could see Yumi making her way to the door and upon reaching it sliding it open and slipping out of the room. Judging by her unsteady steps it was clear to see that she was still half a sleep. Once the younger girl was out of the room Sachiko sat up abruptly. "Oh dear," she said in a trembling voice, "she must have crawled into bed with me during the night." Yes! Yes that has to be it she decided finally feeling her pulse starting to returning to normal. She must have gotten scared awaking in an unfamiliar room during the night. "Perfectly logical," she mumbled to herself. It was only upon turning over and pulling the covers up around her shoulders that she noticed her own empty tatami mat complete with covers next to her.
Yumi made her way down the hall to the bathroom Sachiko had showed her last night. What a beautiful dream her sleepy mind thought as she hugged her arms to her chest. Her mind imagined that she could still feel the warmth of her Onee-sama there. Stupid body she berated her body for having to use the bathroom right at that time. Couldn't you have waited a little longer? While doing what needed to be done her mind thought back over the dream for a moment. It was a dream wasn't it? It sure seemed real. It had to have been a dream, even though a very beautiful one, she finally settled on. There is no way Onee-sama would have been holding me like that or said those things to me. By the time she washed her hands and made her way back to the room she was certain it was no more than a dream. As she entered the room she saw all the proof she need before her eyes. "See, Onee-sama is curled up in her own covers," she whispered under her breath upon seeing Sachiko laying there with her back to the room's door and the covers pulled up around her shoulders on her own tatami mat. As quietly as possible so as not to wake the sleep girl she slid the door closed and then returned to her own bed and climbed back into the covers pulling the blankets up over her shoulders and snuggled in. "Still," she said softly, "it was a beautiful dream Onee-sama…holding me," her voice trailed off as sleep once more claimed her.
Next to her Sachiko's heart skipped a beat as she heard Yumi words and believed that Yumi knew she was awake however the steady rhythmic breathing soon told her that her little sister was asleep once more. A beautiful dream? She must have thought she was dreaming. Sachiko couldn't help but smile as she also thought it was a beautiful dream. No! she quickly corrected herself. I can't allow this to happen again. Yumi is my little sister! Sachiko laid there for some time berating herself for her weakness. She's just a child! It would be totally improper for there to be anything between us other than sisterly love for each other. Dreams were one thing she reasoned to herself. After all no one can control what they dream. Right? Allowing dreams to become reality was another issue and completely out of the question. Just when did this change happen she wondered yet again as her mind drifted back to those fateful events.
It was raining. It was always raining these days she thought to herself as she stood and slipped her book into her school bag. The car should be here shortly to take me to the hospital she reasoned looking at her watch. Yumi and herself were the only ones at the Rose Mansion that day.
"Are you going home," Yumi asked from across the room turning from having just closed the windows.
"Yes, I'm done for the day," she replied forcing a smile on her face. I don't need to worry her with my family problems.
"Another…,"suddenly came the hurried request from Yumi. "Please give me another promise."
"Another?" questioned Sachiko.
"You said you would go to the amusement park with me," she reminded her Onee-sama.
"I can't promise you anything right now." I've already canceled twice. It's not fair to get her hopes up and then disappoint her. "I might have to just cancel once again."
"I don't care! Please just give me another date so that I have something to look forward to!" Yumi implored. "I don't care if you have to cancel again so long as I have a date I won't worry about it."
Suddenly the door opened and Touko-chan stepped in, "Sachiko Onee-sama!" Moving to the older girl she leaned in and whispered that the car had arrived early and was waiting for them at the front gate.
"I understand," Sachiko replied before turning and following the younger girl towards the door.
"Onee-sama, we're not done talking," Yumi stated from her place across the room.
Sachiko paused for a moment, "Touko-chan, can you wait for me downstairs?" Touko-chan agreed and moved out of the room and down the stairs. "Yumi, I don't know my schedule right now so I cannot make you a promise at this time."
"Then when?" Yumi demanded clearly hurt by being put off.
"I don't know that either right now," Sachiko replied sadly. I can't say anything to her or I'll break down and start crying. The car is waiting so I'll explain it to her later.
"Onee-sama…" Yumi began crossing the distance between them.
"Please! Understand." Sachiko cut her off feeling the tears starting to form in her eyes. I can't let her see me cry. She'll just worry more she thought as she turned and moved the rest of the way to the door.
"Please don't leave me Onee-sama," Yumi begged with a quiver in her voice.
"Rosa Chinensis!" Touko called from below.
"You're choosing Touko-chan over me!" Yumi flung at Sachiko's back as the older girl made to leave.
"That's enough," Sachiko spat out looking sharply over her shoulder. I hate this! I just want to break down and cry on her shoulder. I just want her to hold me while I cry just as she did in the old greenhouse that day. Why do I have to be the strong one all the time? The shocked expression on Yumi's face and her tear filled eyes were the last thing she saw as she pulled the door closed behind her. All the way to the car she felt incredibly guilty for snapping at Yumi that way. All she wanted was a date, something to look forward to. She didn't even care if I canceled again. Would it really have been that difficult a thing to do for her? Sachiko silently berated herself the entire drive to the hospital. I'll apologize and make it up to her she decided while walking to her grandmother's room.
Due to Kashiwagi-san's terrible driving Sachiko became car sick and missed the next day of school. Following that her grandmother took another turn for the worse and so she stayed at the hospital for the rest of the week only returning home on Sunday to be car sick once more. Upon returning to school on Monday she anxiously waited for lunch and rushed to the Rose Mansion to see Yumi and apologize however when she arrived she learned from Shimako that Yumi had not been to the Mansion the previous week at all. That's not like her at all! Sachiko sat and waited all through lunch to nervous to eat but Yumi didn't come which worried her greatly.
What should I do? "Baka!" she called herself under her breath. I drove her away from me, but I didn't mean to she reasoned with herself. I just didn't want her to worry about me! No, it's much better that she thinks you're angry with her and that you don't need her! Baka! Sachiko suddenly stopped in her tracks in the middle of the hallway she was walking through. But..but I do need her! Now more than ever! she suddenly realized. Maria-sama! Please don't let it be too late! Yumi, please don't give up on me! Sachiko's mind raced on what to do as she stood there. If other students gave her strange looks as they hurried past she didn't notice them so lost in thoughts was she. If she won't come to me then I'll go to her she finally decided. I'll tell her about my Grandmother and ask her to come with me to the hospital and to help me through this. I'll beg her to forgive me! With her mind set on what she felt was the best course of action she once more started to move and managed to get to class just before the bell rang.
As soon as class was done she left and walked to the building where the second year classrooms were at. One of Yumi's classmates informed her that Yumi had music room cleaning duty today. After thanking the girl she stepped out of the classroom and back into the hall. I can wait for her outside the music room however there will be others there and I don't want to cause a scene for Yumi. Glancing at her watch she realized that the car would be here to pick her up any minute now. I'll wait for her outside the entrance to the shoe locker room she finally decided. The car will just have to wait for me.
It's raining again…no still. Will it ever stop? Will I ever see the sun again? In her heart she knew by sun she really meant a special girl with her hair tied up in pigtails. As if called like magic by the very thought of her Yumi suddenly stepped out of the building and reaching into her school bag pulled out a red umbrella. I wonder where her favorite blue umbrella is flashed through Sachiko's mind for an instant and then was gone. "Yumi." Sachiko said softly only to see the young girl freeze in place like a child who expects to be scolded for doing something wrong.
Yumi turned her entire body before replying, "Onee-sama…"
"I thought I might find you here," Sachiko said as she walked forward stopping a few feet short of her Petite Sœur. "I have a lot to talk to you about." Her body tingled with the desire to reach out and embrace the girl before her that she had wronged but instead she raised one hand and briefly let her finger tips run down one strand of the properly tied sailors scarf. "Yumi," she tried to start again feeling her throat choke up and her chest constrict in a painful manner. Please say you'll forgive me Yumi! she silently prayed.
The sound of a locker door being closed caused them both to pause in what they were going to say and turn and look only to see Touko walking towards them. "Sachiko Onee-sama. Sorry for making you wait," she said as she drew close.
"So this is how it is?" Yumi said in a resigned tone laden with great sorrow and then turned and started away.
Yumi's tone of voice struck Sachiko like a physical blow. No! It can't be! She cried out within her mind though no words passed her lips.
"Please wait Yumi-sama. We're not done talking." stated Touko. "We're in a bit of a hurry so we can't stand around talking but if you don't mind we can talk as we walk to the front gate?" Touko smiled to Sachiko and then added, "How about it Rosa Chinensis? Let's do that."
Sachiko used the delay Touko's words offered to gather herself once more and turned slightly where she stands next to Touko to look at Yumi. "I guess that works. Yumi, lets walk to the front gate together."
Yumi turned away unable to see the two of them together any longer and lowered her head before responding in a hollow and empty voice, "No, it's alright. I understand." As a heart wrenching sob escaped her lips Yumi ran from them both headless of the rain pouring down on her as well as the closed umbrella in her hand. Even though Touko called after her she didn't stop.
Somewhere, deep inside Sachiko, a cold wind blew through her heart and the flame of hope flickered and then went out as she watched Yumi running away crying and so did the light behind the older girls eyes. She felt cold and empty inside. I just want to curl up in a ball and disappear. How..how could this be happening she asked only to answer it herself. I did this. My thoughtless actions caused her to hate me. I've deeply hurt someone I care about. Without even realizing it her body moved opening her umbrella and following after the fleeing girl as quickly as she could. Faintly in the distance she could hear Yumi's anguished cry of 'Sei-sama!'. It was all rather surreal she thought as she paused and retrieved Yumi's dropped school bag and umbrella.
"Sachiko?" a confused and bewildered Sei asked upon looking up from the sobbing girl who had collapsed into her arms upon seeing her.
"Yumi.." Sachiko tried to apologize only to see the crying girl shake her head and hide her face in Sei's arms. Feeling utterly devoid and lifeless inside she knew that staying would only hurt Yumi more so she handed Yumi's school bag and umbrella to Sei and said "Take care of her please." Out of habit she reached out to touch Yumi's hair but stopped just short of doing so fearful that it would unset the girl further. Clenching her hand close and bringing it to her chest above her heart that was breaking she walked the rest of the way to the front gate and got in the car with Touko which then left to take them to her grandmother's house.
Sachiko's grandmother, knowing that the time was short had been transferred back to her own house by her own request. She didn't want to pass in a hospital surrounded by strangers and machines. Instead she wanted her final days to be spent in a place she loved surrounded by those she loved and cared for. On the day that an old friend of her grandmother's paid a visit and had a long talk her grandmother finally passed away with a soft smile on her face. For Sachiko it was as if the final pieces of her world had crumbled and turned to dust.
The next several days were a blur in which the outside world did not exist for Sachiko. The loss of her grandmother and what she had done to Yumi festered inside her dragging her spirit down into the darkness. She didn't hear those around her and so wouldn't respond when spoken to or even eat when food was placed before her. She cast herself down prostrated upon her grandmother's bed and refused to leave from there. Even her Onee-sama Youko couldn't get a response from her on the day of the funeral.
It wasn't supposed to be like this her voice echoed within the blackness of despair in her mind. The day she accepted my rosary, even though I knew I was unsuitable to be her Onee-sama, she made me feel that it would be alright. With her by my side I had a reason to be a better person. She made me want to be an Onee-sama worthy of her! Sachiko's eyes hurt from wanting to cry though no tears would come. But for her to run from me and turn her back to me like that…I have failed her! Why does it hurt so much? First Obaa-sama and then Yumi. Why must I lose everyone that I love? If it hurts this much to love then I don't ever want to love again!
Something…what is that? Deep within Sachiko, past the sadness, past the despair, past the darkness, at the very core of her being…something fluttered and a warmth she couldn't place reached out and gently caressed her soul. Perhaps it was because of this that she heard the doors open and then close and the soft footsteps that approached her. With great effort she opened her eyes and beheld an Angel! "Onee-sama," the Angel called to her as the warmth she felt within her began to spread.
Slowly she managed to lift her body from the bed and in a trembling voice, fearful that should she even whisper a word the Angel would vanish, "Am I dreaming?" It must be a dream. How…how can my Angel be here? Hesitantly Sachiko reached out, afraid that if she touched it, this dream, that it would vanish like smoke before the wind. Instead, she felt the warmth of a small hand in hers holding her hand tightly and pulling her towards her. The Angels lips brushed across her cold fingers spreading warmth just as the warmth she now knew to be love was spreading through her soul driving out the darkness before it. "Is this a dream," she asked again as she was pulled to her feet and she embraced Yumi tightly to her chest.
"No," Yumi replied in a loving voice looking up into her Onee-sama's big blue eyes. "No, I am here."
"Yumi, why…" Sachiko asked with a voice heavy with emotion as she reached out and caressed the young girls' cheek tenderly. I…I don't deserve you.
"Onee-sama. I'm so sorry Onee-sama. I've caused you so much trouble by being selfish while you're going through a difficult time!" Yumi exclaimed in a trembling voice on the verge of tears.
"You're not the one to blame Yumi. I'm the one at fault." Sachiko replied taking responsibility for her own actions.
"Onee-sama.." Yumi started to say.
"You're still calling me that," questioned Sachiko as a smile spread across her face. I've never heard a more beautiful word she silently thought to herself.
"Of course I am," Yumi said and then leaned in and slipped an arm around Sachiko's waist holding onto her tightly as if she would never let her go. I'll always call you that Onee-sama!
Sachiko gently squeezed Yumi's hand which she still grasped. "Will you forgive me?" she finally asked.
"Forgive you? You should have told me." Was the reply, her voice rough with emotions.
"I couldn't," the older girl explained. "If I thought about my grandmother in front of you I felt like I would break down and cry. I thought that you would understand Yumi even if I didn't say anything to you. But I was naïve to think that. I hurt you, of all people, and I disappointed you. What kind of Onee-sama am I if I didn't notice that?" she said. "But it is because I am not one to cry, I'm sure my grandmother brought you to me." Sachiko tried to smile slightly before continuing. "I love you." she managed to say past the lump in her throat and the fear in her heart as tears which had refused to come began to fall from her eyes.
"Onee-sama!" Yumi cried as tears began to fall from her eyes as well. "I love you so much!"
Sachiko closed her eyes and gently laid her cheek against the top of Yumi's head and clung to the smaller girl with all her heart. "Thank you!" she softly whispered. Thank you my Angel for allowing me to be your Onee-sama!
Author's Note:
I realize that there will be some of you out there less than thrilled with the start of this chapter. It is important to keep in mind that if the characters are to grow and continue to develop they will leave the well-formed roles we're use to from the books\manga\anime. Growth equals change. Rest assured that Sachiko is sufficiently shocked and dismayed by her actions. I had to give her a Time Out she was so upset!
My Muse says to blame the opening scene on John Mayer and his song "Your Body Is A Wonderland" which she was listening to at the time I started to write this chapter. For those of you wondering, "Baka" translates to "idiot".
Finally, the flashback scene or sequence of scenes has to be for me the most touching and endearing scene from the entire anime series. It never fails to bring out the water works! There is one other scene that does this to me however as I feel I will probably do a flashback to it at some point as well so I'll leave it to your imagination.
As always, though certainly not required, I do appreciate any and all reviews, comments and Private Messages.
Kind Regards,
EJ Daniels
All characters within this story, unless otherwise stated are the sole property of Oyuki Konno the original writer of the Maria-sama ga Miteru light novel series.
