Title: The Darkside of Twilight
Rating: M (which means there are complex plot devices, lemons, decapitations and lots and lots of blood)
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns twilight. She is Bella's creator. I am Bella's Executioner. (and this is the story that I kill her in)
\/Darkside\/
Question:
Contentment: (also called complacence) is the neuro-physiological experience of satisfaction and being at ease in one's situation. The calm before the storm.
Answer:
Chapter 9: Happy in this new life or All Cullen Men Are Whipped
\/Darkside\/
EmPOV (two months later- hunting- forest Northern California)
I laughed as my little sister spit out the blood- again. Bella wasn't enjoying the Cullen style of hunting. Edward huffed again like a daddy trying to force-feed his daughter squashed peas. Bella made a gagging sound and stuck out her tongue. That sent me into roaring laughter once more.
Told you she'd hate it! I chuckled. Edward scowled but didn't waste his time with acknowledging my thought. The enormous black bear made a second swipe at Bella and she rolled her eyes as she stepped forward and snapped his neck. She sighed when the giant body hit the ground. Edward folded his arms over his chest and stared down at her from the slight hillside.
I was practically in fits of giggles when she stomped her foot and shook her head. She was such a newborn!
Edward growled- at his defiant mate, or at me who knew! But he was frustrated with everything these days.
Edward wanted everything for Bella to run smoothly- be perfect. Load-o-bull I say! Nothing was ever easy with endless amount of potential and the enforcement of immediate restraint. Edward knew that better than anyone!
Now, for me, it wasn't hard being a newborn. I tried the animal thing in the day for Carlisle and the family Cullen- but at night I'd slip here and there- Never any big epidemic like a certain mightier than thou older brother. But I wasn't plagued with the torture that Carlisle and Edward insisted locking themselves in. They regarded my extra curricular activities as heinous. I snorted. The only person whose opinion mattered to me was Rosalie and Rose didn't give a crap how many humans I ate from my midnight snackage.
Course Rose didn't give a crap about much these days. She'd been so mopey since Bella's arrival that I was worried we'd never get back to my other favorite sinful hobby. And lately when she did fool around- it was more aggressive and angry than passionate. Don't get me wrong- dominating hate sex was fun... and GOOD. But she never told me what was wrong. I didn't have Carlisle's patience to talk to her, or Jasper's ability to soothe her. And though Edward could read Rose's mind, he couldn't read Bella's. I didn't have whatever talent he used to make sure she was never pissy with him the way Rose was with me. I didn't possess any sixth sense of how to deal with girlie problems.
"BELLA!" Edward bellowed and I caught the scent of the human in the distance as I saw the tall white blur streak after the littler one. Seemed like a waste to me. He didn't even smell that good. But then I had been at this longer than my little sister. I only ate humans now with my yearly free pass. I had saved the last five years up- the next one I ate would have to be a damn singer.
Rose crouched at that top of the hill staring down at me with a vacant expression. Then she turned to see Edward dragging Bella back to the bear. I chuckled again- with Bella things sure as hell weren't boring!
"I told you this was too close to the town!" He hollered at me. I shrugged.
Best place for bears.
"Grow up Emmett."
Take her somewhere else. Since when do you HAVE to hunt with the rest of us? He snarled. Yeah, I know.
It wasn't fair to expect Edward to go this alone. We all had help from the family when we came on board. Bella wasn't any different. That's not true- she was completely different just in strange ways. Like how she was so calm and reserved all of the time. I'm just now kind of getting the hang of that and I'm fifty years older than her. Or how she makes everyone so comfy and sleepy when she's not keeping tabs on her ability. It wasn't like when Jasper made you feel calm. It was different, like reverting back to being a human and actually feeling tired. It was creepy. And it was the reason I was hardly around the family anymore- Rose hated Bella messing with her body. I could sneak in to watch a game, and we could hang out when Bella was off exploring with Edward or playing with Alice. But Rose harbored no affinity to our new sister and her gift.
She had practiced on everyone else. Alice said it tingled. Jasper was in awe of having his body affected that way. Esme found it endearing. And Carlisle and Edward were regular Freud and Jung- fascinated and dedicated to studying the poor girl. There were only two Cullens that refused the test- Rose and me. Rose because she hissed whenever Bella even looked at her- And me because I hated the idea of giving up so much control.
Hell, Edward hasn't even been able to talk about what he'd seen when they went under that first time. We all knew, Bella told us, but he'd just get paler and turn away without talking about it. I shook my head as I caught the scent- Grizzly. I didn't have any desire to face my nightmares. I was pretty happy with just enjoying life. Screw the melodrama. Blow off the worries. We were strong and we were never going to die- what more could you ask for.
Rose disappeared to follow the scent of the brown bear in the north. I sighed. She didn't even wave goodbye. It was going to be a fun night- wild sex. But sometime after she finished having her way with me and I was getting dressed like the cheap tramp that I was, I might have to admit that she was damaging my cool.
I gave Edward a break. See you man! He nodded and I followed the trail of the Grizzly to the east. I snickered as I heard Bella whining behind me. I think I heard the stomping foot again. Nice.
I slowed my pace when I found his trail. It took me straight back—every time. Maybe that's why Esme and Alice adored Bella's talent so much- they liked remembering what it was like to be human. I didn't need some circus trick to remind me. I heard the husky grunt as my prey shoved the small tree out his path.
My lips pulled back from my pearly white razor blades dripping with venom. Grizzly was my favorite. The last time the human me met one of these big brutes, he didn't walk away. So there was a narcissistic delight that I got from hunting them now. That- and I just liked the Grizzlies approach to life. Get up. Eat. Enjoy. Shove a tree now and then. And their style of fight suited me too. You didn't have to do any of that stalking strategic following bullshit that Edward enjoyed from hunting mountain lions. Bears just stood up and fought.
Hell YES! I growled a fair warning for the fight to begin. DING! He stood up- probably a good eight to ten feet. Not bad. I bared my teeth in a snarl as he returned the action. My hands were iron claws. My eyes were lethal slits.
He ambled towards me. He was a solid son of bitch. His massive paw swiped out- tearing across my chest. Awe, DAMN! Rose gave me this shirt. I looked down at my unmarred chest. The little boy wicked grin spread across my face- casting that twinkle in my eye. I had had one hell of a mess of blood and guts when that grizzly struck me in my former life. Now, I laughed as my opponent cuddled his claw to his own chest and howled in pain.
It was all too easy. I let him lunge for my head and neck with his enormous mouth. I laughed hard and sharp as I heard his jaw snap off when it connected with my stone skin. It almost made me sad. It would be a nice change to actually have a challenge once and a while. I butted the beast in the head and sent him sailing ten feet in the air. When he landed he was still fighting to stay alive. Tough. You had to admire the Grizzly. He didn't just lie down and die.
I launched myself at his throat and tore through the thick layers of fur and fat to release my prize. His groans of struggle were mixed with a fast gurgle and then he was dead.
Good game. I thought. He was big and there was a good amount to drink. I would still be thirsty- we were always thirsty. But I just smiled as I pulled in his warm fluids. Let's see- that makes it the Grizzlies- 1 and Emmett- 215. No, I would never understand Carlisle and Edward's Emo depression over this life. It was freakin' sweet to me.
\/Darkside\/
BPOV
I glared at him as handed me the dead fox. I turned my face away with a sigh and said nothing. I wasn't some three year old who needed her daddy to hunt for her. I was trying. I knew it would be hard. I knew that I was tempted because I had something to compare this subsidiary food source to. But the way he watched over me was so damn annoying.
I loved that Edward was attentive- especially now that we were embracing our sexual relationship on a more regular basis. And I loved that I was his entire world- nothing else matter but him to me. But I couldn't piss on the pot if I was always being watched!
I wanted to fall flat on my face- I was used to that. When I was Bella Swan, falling was like breathing. It was my method for learning. But Edward was always there to catch me. It was sweet, but it made me want to punch him at the same time.
I knew that it was just Edward's nature to protect what he loved, and I had seen ever part of Edward's nature in the past two months of my new life. I didn't want to anger him- push him away and make him feel like the degenerate that he believed he was. That would only undo the careful steps that I had taken since that night in the meadow. I knew after we experienced his darkness that I would have to help Edward get over his past. I had to work on some way to slap the snot out of him and get him out of that hundred-year funk that he hid behind. I had covertly been working on changing him in subtle ways.
He confessed that he could hear my thoughts when we were physical- I used that to my advantage. I washed him in thoughts of his goodness and how important he was to my life. As a result our lovemaking was more than distracting. I think I could almost see Emmett blush when he'd see Edward and I returning from our days of absence in the woods. We all had euphemism for the incidents of overwhelming lust- Alice and Jasper called it mood regulating. Carlisle and Esme called it poetry readings. Rose and Em called it wrestling with their demons. And Edward and I called it exploring. To an outside observer noting the length of time that was devoted to these hobbies- it didn't seem like we were talking about having sex. But vampires didn't need to stop doing anything if they didn't want to. And once we Cullens got going- usually didn't want to stop.
I ignored him when he touched my arm in the way that made me melt. I had told him fifty times every minute since that night that I loved him- and it always made him smile. I couldn't believe that he had spent a century caring for people with the ferocity that he had inside of him and not one of them had said the words. It was easy to understand, to me, why Edward had such a negative vision of himself. But I would force him to look through my eyes.
He smoothed his fingers up and down my naked arm and I suppressed a moan. Damn him. No matter how confident I grew in holding my own, he was always more seductive. I was imagining us naked in our meadow. He laughed. He could hear my thoughts. I sighed pulled away again. Without skin-to-skin contact it didn't matter if I was randy or not, he couldn't hear what I was thinking. And as I contemplated my next move I didn't want him having the upper hand.
Edward didn't realize that I was taking him under the last couple of weeks. I had practiced with the family- Alice and I were becoming a machine at it. I could take them in- control the dreams or help them see their pasts. I could also project an astral version of myself- but the mind had to be out of control at the time. So I had practiced with Alice while she hunted- that worked pretty well. Extreme emotional surges that caused the mind and body to detach gave me an in. All I had to do was think about that person while their mind was disconnected. Of course I made the mistake of thinking of Carlisle one morning while he and Esme were enjoying a round of Robert Frost in their bedroom. Awkward. I had had a hard time looking my father and mother in the eye for a while after that event. I still hadn't worked up the nerve to ask Edward to try what I saw them doing.
So, with my training I had perfected the transition with more finesse. And my lover didn't know that he was falling asleep in the middle of our explorations. In truth- I could make the dream more real than reality. Down to the scent of the purple flowers that bloomed in the meadow and the sounds of my thoughts in his head when he touched me. But I could control Edward when I was in his mind like that. I could make him forget his worries. When we'd lie in each other's arms between bouts of passion he would talk with no inhibitions. He wasn't repulsed when we discussed his rebellion- he was actually very animated and excited as he described his removal of the vile creatures that stalked innocents in the night.
He would laugh and we would love and when I would bring him out of the other world he would raise his head with a severely satisfied look on his face. I didn't know if it would change anything. And the first time I did it he really didn't seem any different apart from the goofy grin he wore all day. But slowly I would notice that he mentioned his evil less. He focused on the things that made him happy- made our union happy. And though he would still get that pang of guilt in his eyes when he spoke of his past, he no longer hid it away like it was a festering sore. I truly believed he was healing. I was even cocky about it.
Of course the unfortunate side affect was how our bond had grown from the exchange. We were obsessed enough with each other before but now I saw him everywhere. I knew how intoxicating hearing my thoughts were for him because I could read his mind in that other consciousness. I spent every minute wondering what he was thinking. I was driven crazy by just looking at his lips or hearing his voice. And he was so fixated on my every breath that sometimes I wished that I could just be alone. Then he would leave the room and I would be devastated in darkness without him. Edward once told me that my blood was like a drug to him- well we were both hopeless junkies now.
But hunting was not improved by my midnight musings. And Edward was almost as stubborn as me when it came to arguing his point. I simply wondered why we couldn't drink donated blood. It was human. It was not killing. Edward's defense was that it was meant to save humans and by us drinking it we denied them aid. He didn't like it when I pointed out that it did save their life if I drank from a plastic tube rather than their neck. He was going to force the human out of hiding one way or another.
I laughed at the errant thought. The human had been silenced in me since the night I let Edward claim me. I could still hear her every now and then- mostly in the back of my mind when we were lost in Edward's fantasies. She liked just lying in Edward's arms- talking and dreaming with the man we were both now thoroughly in love with. But she still cowered away from our reflection in the mirror in our bedroom- especially afraid of the eyes. They were more of an amber color now, not fully diluted to the honey golden shade of my family's eyes. But she was silenced. I didn't hear her scream inside my mind anymore- no longer haunted by the forgotten father who everyone in Forks believed had left town with his daughter suddenly one day. I wouldn't admit it to Edward but she was occasionally tortured by the casualness with which I approached hunting. I scoffed as I remembered the guilt in her plea for me to stop- had anyone ever shamed her out of eating a pop tart when she was ravenous.
"Bella please…" Edward said in that persuasive tone that made my stomach squeeze. Damn- we had stopped three times on the way down here to... explore. At some point even vampires had to reach a limit- right.
Edward turned me to face him and launch the full-blown attack- golden intense eyes of seduction. Damn. "For me. Please…" How did he do that? I could make his entire world become a fantasy. I could just picture us in some other place and time and we would be there. But I couldn't fathom how he did that to me. I couldn't even describe what that was. But he did it. And he did it well.
My mind went blank and I nodded in total complacency. I took the dead animal from his hands and drank the blood. It was warm and wet and the satisfaction ended there. It wasn't enough but usually after the first kill of the hunt I was pretty willing to continue with the secondary source. It was really disgusting, from one point of view, but I had only drank the blood of my mortal father- and yet it was the sweetest blood I would ever drink. I imagined that that was the flavor in my mouth as I gave in and drank my fill of the bear that I had killed. His blood was starting to cool, but it was still flowing and wet. The itchy thirst was calmed for another few weeks.
Edward waited for me to finish. He took my hand in his and together we hunted a herd of deer that we could hear to the east. We crossed Emmett's scent in the middle of the forest. I could hear his booming laugh as he wrestled with the Grizzly. Emmett! He would never let that last fight go.
We chased the deer and I landed two bucks while Edward finished off the rest of the group. I liked finishing before Edward. I liked to watch him feed. I think even the human had to admit that it was erotically fascinating to experience. He was so strong- so sure. He dominated every move, leaving his prey inescapable in his grasp. It was exciting. And I was excited. The thrill of the hunt- the surge of the blood and the promise of Edward's skin tingling next to mine. Hunting always lead to only one thing for me and my mate- exploring.
He rose from his last kill, one single drop of blood marring his perfect pale lips.
He smiled with lust-hooded eyes.
\/Darkside\/
RPOV
I pulled my hair back into a lose bun while I waited for the bear to stop struggling. I held its neck under my steel foot. I would never understand Emmett and his need to fight any of these creatures. It just messed up your hair.
I caught the scent of Edward's new bitch running through the woods, her servant at her heels. It was point of fact- ALL CULLEN MEN WERE WHIPPED. And I had to begrudgingly admit that the new succubus caught on to that trick very quickly. But my admiration for her ended there.
Edward was the only one of them that hated this life more than me. And everyday for sixty years I had been satisfied by the look of desolation on his face. No matter how much I missed my human self, or how much I wished to have a child in my arms that I had given birth to, I could look in Edward's eyes and see that he was still suffering more than me.
It was a sadistic consolation but I embraced it just the same. And now he had something that made him happier than that little sugar coated pixie. I played the good little Cullen because everything about being a vampire repulsed me and this life that we created was as close as our kind got to being human. But I didn't have to be nice about it. Carlisle could roll his eyes all he wanted when I left the room upon Bella's entrance but he was the one who did this to me in the first place.
The bear whined beneath my foot and I pressed harder- not enough to kill her, as I wasn't done fixing my hair. Let her suffer a minute longer I didn't deserve to be alone in the grief.
I wasn't one of the adoring morons in my family who welcomed Edward's new toy and her shiny gift like it was Christmas morning. She was unimpressive at best. I didn't need her talent to help me remember my life. I was a full-blooded human trapped in this vampire body. I could remember my life. I could remember my death. And I could remember the arrogant ass's face when I tore his head off for what he had done to me. After waking up with this power it was all too easy to do it- and I liked things nice and easy.
I applied the tiniest pressure with my toe and the mother bear's neck snapped. I suppressed the distaste and fed.
Emmett came over the ridge as I finished cleaning the blood from my lips. His shirt was torn to rags. His pants were covered in bracken. And his curls were dripping in wayward blood. I sighed.
"You didn't even muss your hair." He joked. His huge face pulled into that devilish childlike grin that made his two dimples pop on his cheeks. I tried to hold on to the anger.
I pulled my perfect face in to a haughty pout- seething through my eyes. His chest rumbled deep and menacing. He leaned forward into a hunting stance. His eyes were slits of fire.
Good. I needed to face some demons for a little while. I let my hair down in almost slow motion as a subtle command for him to do it. As if he were programmed to only do my bidding, he lunged at me- all Cullen men were whipped.
\/Darkside\/
APOV (Forks, same day same time, Cullen House)
I giggled as I saw him chase her. Edward had truly found his match. Jazzy finished packing our knick-knacks and touched my arm sweetly to remind me that it was almost time to go.
I nodded- still a little lost in the beautiful image of them tangled in each other's arms. So alluring. So provocative.
"Alice," Jasper scolded. "Leave them their privacy." I could see the spike of my desire in his eyes. I tried to calm the emotion in my body to help him calm his own.
"Sorry." I said sheepishly. "They're just so cute." I smiled at him- so pleased with the addition of our new sister. Bella was just like Edward- beautiful, kind, loyal, talented, and 100% Cullen. She was quickly becoming my partner in crime and after seventy years of not having a close girlfriend, it was nice.
Jazzy smiled. He kissed the tip of my nose and then my lips. He was always so sweet. I could feel a shot of pleasure hit me when bit my lip and left the room with the last box.
I was sad that we had to leave Forks so soon. But we would have to leave before we could stage the accident that would finally put everyone at rest with the disappearance of Charlie Swan and his daughter. And it was just time.
We needed to keep moving to be always one step ahead of the watchful eye of the guard. We were far too close to a forgotten legacy of werewolves in the nearby reservation and the longer we stayed the closer the young boys of the tribe would get to being forced in to that wretched fate to fight us.
I wondered where Bella would like to go. The sky was the limit. Cullens wanted for nothing. We could forge through the snow in the Himalayas, or we could rest in the sand on the beaches of Isle Esme in South America. We could go on safari in the outback- though there was the blaring sun to worry about there. She had expressed an interest in Europe but anything that drew the four of us closer to Italy made me anxious.
I scanned ahead in the future to see but I couldn't see anything yet. Bella hadn't made up her mind. I saw darkness, and occasionally some dark alleyways but that didn't make any sense. I was troubled by a reoccurring vision of Edward lying alone in a forest- and the rest of us living in our retreat in Alaska with the Denali clan. I dismissed the images from my mind since they did not contain Bella and simply could not be true.
She was a part of this family and this life forever now. But I had a gnawing fear that I had to watch around Jazzy. I felt whatever the lying visions meant- I would know the answer soon.
I shook my head and went down to the living room. Jazzy was taking the last of the boxes out to the moving van. If all went as planned there would be a thunderstorm tonight and we could play ball one last time before we had to leave. The hunters would be back by this afternoon- providing that Bella ever stopped begging Edward to do that thing with her hair. I made a mental note of the position for reference when Jazzy and I were doing some mood regulating of our own. I thought the words and he felt the way my muscles clenched at the thought. He shook his head and chuckled as he left the room.
Carlisle was polishing the silver one last time before he packed it for shipping. I bit my tongue to keep from laughing. All Cullen men were so whipped.
"Hello Alice." He said smiling. I smiled. Esme came in handing him a book of poems and kissed his cheek. He went back to buffing her spoons to a radiant shine. Yep, that's why they were so apt to be our slaves.
Poems, demons, moods and explorations- vampire sex was awesome no matter what you named it.
Jazzy slapped my butt as he walked by. Esme disappeared up the stairs and I tried to ignore the vision I got of Carlisle bringing the poetry back into the bedroom.
I followed Jasper to that place just past the river- where we liked to be alone. I sat in his lap, gazing in to his eyes. I ran my hand through his hair. He did all the work. I was happy. I was content. I was giddy. And feeling me in such a good mood put him in one too. We kissed gently. Patient. Just happy to be in each other's arms.
He laid me down and my mind was filled with visions of him. I could see where he would touch me before he did. The anticipation of his touch was almost more stimulating than the actual contact. And then as I grew more aroused he could feel my pleasure as his own.
It was tremendous- overwhelming- perfect.
But in the back of my mind while I drifted back down in his arms- I could see the darkness in Bella's future. It worried me.
Jazzy lifted his head to look deep in my eyes at my moment of weakness. He felt my worry. A clap of thunder rolled in the distance.
A storm was coming.
