Okay so what happens in this chapter? It's a new year and Jack learns of Ianto's dizzy spells. Ianto's nightmares grow worse, Jack is haunted by songs, Ianto makes an online friend and his hallucinations start to talk.

This chapter is rated M for…oh you'll see. Don't get your hopes up.


The previous New Year's Jack had made arrangements that once a year, Ianto's brother would call him with an update. Well actually, it had been Martha's idea but Jack didn't dispute it. Maybe as long as Jack knew Ianto was doing okay things wouldn't be so bad. Mind, Jack still looked like a biker and try as he might and he did try, he just couldn't be the man Ianto had loved.

So that New Year's Eve Devin Jones called him via Skype.

"Captain, even if Ianto remembered you, he wouldn't recognise you" was the first thing Devin had said "you look like a lumber jack who decided to try out for Hell's Angels."

Jack rolled his eyes "Get to the point Lt. Colonel Jones. How's Ianto?"

Devin sighed "Ah, well he and the twins have moved in with Jason."

Jack felt a twinge of jealousy "That's nice. As long as he's happy. Wait, that sigh, do you not approve?"

Devin sighed again "I'm just not sure if it'll work out. Randy tells me Jason was in love with someone else before he met Ianto. I'll be honest, Jason is a good man, he cares for Ianto and the girls and he has the patience of a saint. Ianto says he loves him too."

"So what's your problem?"

"It doesn't seem real to me, I can't quite explain it."

"Ianto's your baby brother, I think your feelings are normal."

"Maybe. There's something else you should know. During the summer Ianto started getting dizzy spells and black-outs…"

"What?"

"The CAT scans were clear so I need to know if that's a side effect of retcon."

Jack nodded "It can be. Is he all right?"

"Well he says they stopped but I don't know if I believe him because I know he's still worried. Jason says Ianto's been having nightmares and been more emotional."

"That's a side effect too. The nightmares are likely memories he doesn't know he has. Is there anything else?"

"If there is, Ianto's been keeping it to himself."


Easter break, Sequoia National Park

Ianto hated camping, he always did. But Jason and the girls had convinced him and at least they were in a cabin. If it had been tents he'd have refused. He almost did anyway; in the two weeks since he'd agreed to this he'd been having nightmares about cannibalistic country people. Perhaps he shouldn't have watched "The Hills Have Eyes" but he wasn't sure that was the cause.

He'd been starting to remember the nightmares he'd been having since November and seeing things out of the corner of his eye. He wasn't sure they were hallucinations or not so he kept them to himself for the time being. He really hoped he wasn't schizophrenic. That would suck.

After another nightmare involving a butcher's knife to his throat Ianto got out of bed before dawn and padded to the cabin's kitchen to start the coffee. Bloody nightmares, at least he hadn't woken Jason that time, mainly because he'd been too scared to scream.

He took several deep breaths and got to work on the coffee. The machine was just a thirty dollar Mr Coffee but it would have to do. As he went to the sink to fill up the pot he looked out the window to see a face staring back at him—it was the man from his nightmare. Ianto dropped the coffee pot and screamed, jumping back from the counter and pressing himself against the fridge.

His scream brought everyone running.

"Stay back girls" Jason said and went to Ianto, putting a hand on his shoulder "What's wrong?"

Ianto pointed a shaky finger at the window "There was someone…"

Jason looked out "I don't see anyone. But I'll go out and check."

Ianto grabbed his arm "No, don't he's a cannibal" Ianto realised what he said and sank to the floor "oh dear god."

Jason bent down and kissed the top of Ianto's head "Girls, stay with your dad while I check outside."

The twins got on either side of Ianto and hugged him "Are you okay, Tad?" they looked as worried as Jason had.

"I don't know" as a father he should be strong for his children and pretend everything was fine but in the state he was in they'd have known if he lied.

"Did you have a bad dream?" Branwen asked.

"I must have."

A few minutes later Jason came in reporting that no one was outside and if they had been they weren't know. He knelt down in front of Ianto who was still on the floor "Why don't we pack up and head home?"

Ianto took a breath "We don't have to. I'm sure I'll be fine. I was just tired…" his eyes stung but he refused to lose it in front of his girls.

"It's okay, Tad" Ceinwen said "we can go home."

"Tell you what," Jason said "let's stop in L.A. and look around Hollywood."

Ianto was the same shoe size as John Wayne. That actually made his day when they were looking around Grauman's.

Jason linked his arm through his "Do I need to start calling you Duke?"

Ianto smirked "We'll see."

The twins giggled.

"You two stop, you don't even know who John Wayne was, which is very sad."

They had fun running around Hollywood and later that night when they were home and the girls were in bed Ianto and Jason had a talk.

"Okay, Ianto" Jason said "what's going on?"

Ianto sighed and sank onto the bed "I don't know but I'm really starting to freak out. The man I saw in the window was the man in my nightmare last night. I just remember bits and pieces but I was in the countryside of somewhere and there were cannibals. He was holding a knife to my throat."

Jason sat next to him and took his hand "What else is going on?"

Ianto leaned against him "The nightmares and I've been seeing things out the corner of my eye."

"Have you been getting dizzy?" Jason held him close.

"Sometimes" Ianto admitted "but not as often as in the summer. What if I'm crazy, Jason?"

Jason kissed him "you're not crazy, babe. We'll figure out what's going on and we'll get you the help you need."


It was now 2010 and Jack had been without Ianto for almost two years. Martha and Mickey were married (how had that happened?) and Gwen had just given birth to a baby girl. With her on a rather forced maternity leave (really Jack had to threaten her with 'take the standard leave or you can quit) it was time to look for more people to hire. Jack left the search to the Smiths but he would make the final decision.

Jack was stopped at a rather long stop light due to construction and he heard the radio of the car next to him.

I never told you what I should have said, I never told you I just held it in.

When the female singer said "I see your blue eyes every time I close mine" Jack had enough, he revved up and ran the red light weaving through the construction crew. That damn song had Jack and Ianto written all over it but then so did a lot of songs Jack had been hearing lately. There was Sting's 'A Thousand Years' which made Jack shoot himself, James Blunt's 'Good-Bye my Lover' which was made even more painful by Blunt's melancholy voice, Nick Lachey's 'What's Left of Me' which caused him to hang himself, Idina Menzel's 'If I Told You' and Joanna Wang's 'Best Mistake I Ever Made' both of which led to razor blades in the bathtub. Jack only knew the names of the singers of these songs because he looked them up afterwards, he had to know who was singing such depressing Jack-you're-an-idiot songs. Oh let's not forget about John Barrowman's "What About Us?" which almost made Jack go and murder his young look-alike. However, he did send him a rather angry letter one drunken night. He said something like 'why didn't I hear that song when it mattered?' and other things that ended up placing the blame on Jack himself so it turned into an I-just-need-someone-to-talk-to letter.

He hadn't received a response yet, mainly because he hadn't singed it and had slipped it under the door of John's dressing room when he was doing Pantomime in Cardiff.

Jack knew everyone was worried about him but wisely they'd stopped saying so because he would bite their head off.

He was in the archives which of late he had preferred to rooftops. But it wasn't organising he was doing down there. With no desire to find an actual bed partner Jack got his jollies off by watching free porn on the internet. He'd grown quite addicted to it actually. He went for the free stuff because he didn't feel he should have to pay for it. Besides the music in the professional stuff was distracting, he preferred the real stuff and avoided the ones that attempted to add music especially cheesy music that belonged in an elevator in an 80s dentist's office. The primal moans and groans of natural sex—hetero or homosexual—was a big turn on for him.

Right now he was in the gay section and watching a ten minute video. He liked them short, some quick sucking and then move on to the fucking; he got bored if they prolonged it. Any longer than, say, fourteen minutes and he was looking for something else to watch.

"Oh yeah, lick that…" he unzipped his jeans and pulled out his the mini captain. The two on the computer screen were having fun on the beach. The couple couldn't be more than 21 but it was impossible to tell and they were lean and decently endowed. The darker haired young man was clearly in charge as he now had the blond one on all fours and was preparing him for entry with his tongue.

Jack rubbed in rhythm to the couple when Brown Hair entered Surfer Blond. He came just after they did, some of his cum got onto the computer but oh well, Ianto wasn't here to read him the riot act. However, that had always turned into a good time.

After he caught his breath he got up and found the all-purpose electronics cleaner and a rag. Ianto may not have been here physically but he was in Jack's head.

"Can't believe the coffee boy's got you whipped."

Jack glared at the life size cardboard cut-out he'd had made of Owen. There was one of Tosh too. He hadn't made one of Ianto yet, he was afraid he would do naughty things to it.

It was then he realised that he could well be going insane, he also realised that he didn't give a damn.

When he got back up to his office he found Gwen waiting for him. Jack sighed "I gave you six months Gwen, it hasn't even been one."

"I understand that about the field and I won't argue with that. But what if I just do desk work? Direct you from here when you're out on alerts and the like?"

"You need to spend time with your baby and you can't bring her here. And when you do come back, your hours will be cut. Gwen, trust me on this one. You'll thank me later. Now go home, you won't get these days back. She'll be grown in the blink of an eye so enjoy this while you can. Now go before I call Rhys to come and get you."


Because Ianto's blood pressure was high and his lithium levels were normal they decided he needed to cut back on stress and talk to a therapist on a regular basis. But if it got worse they would put him on medication which he refused initially.

Therapy and yoga helped for a while. The dizzy spells were few, his nightmares lessened and they did not manifest themselves in his waking life. It was refreshing. However, he seemed to develop an addiction to the internet.

One day, when he had a day off, Jason was with clients and the girls were in school, Ianto found himself looking at a free porn site. He was especially drawn to the gay videos. He spent a couple hours watching before moving on to a UK chat room. He was feeling homesick and wanted someone to talk to.

He chose flyboyluvr as his screen name because of his love of the RAF.

The name coffeeslave caught his eye and he decided to PM them.

Flyboyluvr: Hello.

Coffeeslave: hi there.

Flyboyluvr: s/l?

Coffeeslave: m/a rainy place. Age doesn't matter to you?

Flyboyluvr: not really.

Coffeeslave: so what's your s and l?

Flyboyluvr: m/ a sunny place. So you a coffee fan then?

Coffeeslave: depends on who makes it. You?

Flyboyluvr: same. I only drink mine.

Coffeeslave: so do you like pilots or something?

Flyboyluvr: yes.

Coffeeslave: fancy that

Flyboyluvr: are you in the UK?

Coffeeslave: yes. you?

Flyboyluvr: US.

Coffeeslave: hence the sunny. lucky. I'm stuck in Wales.

Flyboyluvr: wish I was. I'm Welsh.

Coffeeslave: sorry. That is to say, sorry you're not here if you want to be here. I'm in no way insulting the Welsh.

Flyboyluvr: It's okay.

Coffeeslave: whereabouts US are you?

Flyboyluvr: California.

Coffeeslave: again, hence the sunny. You homesick?

Flyboyluvr: Very much.

Coffeeslave: you on holiday?

Flyboyluvr: no, live here now.

Coffeeslave: why?

Flyboyluvr: I ask myself that every day.

Coffeeslave: what do you do?

Flyboyluvr: Office assistant, you?

Flyboyluvr: you there?

Coffeeslave: Sorry, phone call. I work in an office too, seems all I see is paperwork.

Flyboyluvr: Tell me about it. Do you have any kids?

Coffeeslave: no, you?

Flyboyluvr: Twin daughters, they are not as homesick as I am.

Flyboyluvr: hello?

Two minutes later…

Coffeeslave: Sorry again, nature was calling.

Flyboyluvr: That's okay. I should go, time to get the girls from school.

Coffeeslave: Okay.

Flyboyluvr: We can talk again?

Coffeeslave: I'd like that.

Flyboyluvr: You busy around 8 am Sat. your time?

Coffeeslave: Not so far.

Flyboyluvr: Meet me back in this chat room.

Coffeeslave: I'll be here.


Jack didn't believe in coincidences. Flyboyluvr was Ianto, he was sure of it. He'd find out more to be sure of course. He probably shouldn't be talking to him but it's not like Jack would give anything away and besides, he didn't want to wait till New Year's for an update.

The next time he chatted with flyboyluvr, Jack had no doubt he was chatting with Ianto. Ianto talked about his job, his girls and his neighbourhood. He did not talk about Jason or any health problems. In return, Jack gave very little but his answers satisfied Ianto just the same. Jack told him that all he ever seemed to do was paperwork which was pretty much true because he rarely went out on alerts anymore. He told Ianto that he rode a motorcycle, which Ianto thought was cool.

They met in the chat room once a week, Friday night for Ianto, Saturday morning for Jack and they never exchanged real names. They chatted about classic movies and music. Ianto had become quite the Glenn Miller expert, Jack was quite pleased. At least one good thing had come out of this, Ianto's taste in music had improved. Whenever they chatted, Jack felt like himself.


Did this count as an affair? It's not like they'd had cybersex, the subject hadn't even come up. But every time Ianto chatted with coffeeslave, he felt so much better. He didn't get dizzy, didn't hallucinate, and on the nights they chatted he didn't have nightmares. As for the rest of the time, things were getting worse.

For three months the yoga and therapy had helped, then his therapist suggested hypnosis to recover his memories. Not only did that fail miserably, the hallucinations developed names and attitudes. The first time he'd been at work and didn't realise right away he was hallucinating.

He was in the break room fixing coffee when a cockney voice said "I'll take one."

"Sure" Ianto said, pouring another cup when he realised he didn't know of any cockneys who worked here. He turned to his right, a shorter man who looked like living proof humans were related to apes stood there "Hello? Who are you? Do you work here?"

"Are you that stupid or did Jack just shag your brains out?"

"What?" Ianto's face felt warm "who's Jack? Who are you?"

The cockney rolled his eyes and sighed "God Ianto, what's wrong with you? Bring my coffee to the lab and let Dr Harper check you over."

"What lab?"

"Ianto," Fred, who worked in the cubicle across from his came up to him "who are you talking to?"

"This annoying cockney, don't you…?" Ianto blinked and the cockney was gone. Ianto slumped against the counter "Oh dear god."

He was sent home early that day. That had been the first time a hallucination actually interacted with him, he'd been seeing the pterodactyl out windows for a while, he called her Mywanwy.

On the way home, he nearly crashed when a very scary thing from his nightmares ran in front of him.

When he got home, no one else was there because it was early. He got in bed and just curled up. Who was Jack? Why would he shag his brains out? Who was this Dr Harper?

"Was Owen giving you a hard time?"

Ianto started at the soft voice, a Japanese woman stood over him. She was pretty and considering Ianto didn't know any Japanese women he figured she wasn't real.

"Do you mean Dr Harper?"

"Why so formal? If he wants the title he shouldn't act like such a jerk."

"You're always the first to defend him" just why Ianto knew this, he didn't know. He didn't even know the woman's name and she was gone as quickly as she appeared.

So the annoying Dr Harper had a first name. He didn't even look like a doctor, he looked like a monkey.

Ianto didn't tell Jason about the Japanese woman and Owen the monkey man or the monster in the street. He'd wait, see if it got worse.

It did.

That very night when Ianto couldn't sleep and he was in the kitchen eating cookie dough out of the tube he saw the last person he wanted to see.

"Hello Ianto."

Ianto jumped out of his chair, knocking it over "Dad? You're dead."

"Yes."

"Right. Are you a hallucination or a ghost?" and there was a question Ianto never thought he'd ever ask.

"Does that matter?"

"For my sanity, yes."

"Then you don't want me to answer."

"Damn."

"Don't swear and you shouldn't eat raw dough."

"Please go away, Dad."

"Is that how you talk to your father?"

"I said please didn't I?"

"Ianto?" Jason came into the kitchen "who are you talking to?"

Ianto sighed, his dad was gone "My dad was just here, telling me off for eating cookie dough."

Jason put a gentle hand on his arm "Come back to bed."

"You think I'm mad don't you?"

"No, Ianto I don't. We'll make another appointment in the morning."

"My boss called you didn't she?"

"Yes she did."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I was hoping you would."


This is why I don't buy refrigerated cookie dough, I would just eat it out of the package. Who's with me?

Look up those songs and you'll see what I mean. Oh the one Jack heard in traffic was Colbie Callait's "I Never Told You".

Okay attention fans of Gambit and Endgame, I am in the process of working on a small sequel that I hope to have up by the end of October. POV is going to alternate between Jack and Ianto, though Remy will be in it we just won't go into his head. It is so far untitled and I'm only 20something pages in so I don't want to give much away but Jack and Ianto are now living together, we learn something interesting about 51st century men, Ianto learns about Flat Holm and there's some spooky stuff. Here's an excerpt of what I have so far:

"It's contained. What's the matter, Ianto? You scared?" his voice was teasing.

"No, it's just Catholics always get possessed."

"Maybe but you're not exactly a good Catholic are you?"

"Jack."

"Come on" He took hold of my arm "It'll be fun" he pulled me to the back door. "You know, I liked the Edwardian Age. I had a handle bar moustache."

"I didn't know you could grow facial hair. Jack, this is trespassing."

He began to jimmy with the door handle "Do you or do you not have a surrogate father in the Thieves Guild?"

"Jean-Luc says to avoid haunted houses whenever possible which is very difficult in New Orleans but that's beside the point."

Jack was having trouble picking the lock.

"Oh give me that" I shoved him out of the way "You're pathetic." I had the door open in seconds.

Jack laughed "Knew you could do it."

I glared at him "Do you enjoy the couch? Because that's where you're sleeping if I get possessed."

"Will you relax? You'll be fine." He turned on his torch.

The house was dusty and dark and damn cold. I felt like my spine was replaced with an icicle. I was wearing my duster but the cold seeped right through it.

I shivered "It's freezing in here."

"It is a little chilly," Jack nodded "your eyes are glowing."

"They do that sometimes in dim light. But sadly it does not help me see in the dark."

We inched our way through the house and found the parlour. Jack shone his torch around the room "That's interesting" he shone the torch on the mantle.

"What is?" I followed his gaze and froze.

"Looks like a Confederate army cap" He took a step towards it "and a musket."

I grabbed his arm "We have to get out of here."

"Why?"

"Please Jack, please let's go" I pulled him back the way we came.

He must have heard the panic in my voice and I think my vice grip on his arm helped. He ran with me till we were back in the SUV. I wouldn't speak till we were back in Cardiff.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? About the chapter or the excerpt? I'll be happy to answer.

TTFN