Hermione was lounging across Draco's armchair, one leg lazily moving back and forth, with a herbology book resting on her stomach as she occasionally flicked her eyes up to watch Draco working on an essay. Snow had cancelled their lessons and although Ron had since stopped his harassment campaign of Hermione, she was still more prone to be found with Draco than in a common room. Hermione's eyes slipped back to her text although her eyes remained unfocused as she thought back to how Ron had responded to her revelation a couple of months backā¦
Ron sat up blearily and looked balefully at Hermione "Fred?" He eventually managed weakly.
Hermione nodded "yes Ron, Fred" she said sadly "wonderful, bright, enigmatic, brilliant Fred with his ridiculous but clever humour and a smile that took my breath away. And don't think that I haven't berated myself for not finding him sooner, for not saving him because I blame myself every single bloody day Ron. Late at night I sit in my bed unable to sleep without him whispering into my hair and I go through all the ways I could have found him sooner and kept him safe but I can't change what happened and neither can you. But he died knowing he was loved and he died with both his hands held by two people so important to him that he was fighting and giving his life even though he was terrified for himself, for me, for you and for everyone else he cared for. He was strong and he was brave and I miss him so much sometimes that it feels like I'm drowning from inside myself."
The men watched her in stunned silence as she delivered her berating speech to Ron with a thick voice and tears streaming down her face. When she was finished she sniffed loudly and rubbed her wrists across her eyes "I loved him and I miss him but he told me not to blame myself and to live my life, however long it was, as best I could and that's what I'm trying to do."
"I never knew" Ron whispered hoarsely, "George never said anything, never teased you guys."
Hermione sighed "He didn't because he knew how serious Fred actually was. He promised not to."
Ron frowned "but you never go near George anymore, if he kept your secret shouldn't you guys be closer?"
"I know it's illogical but I struggle sometimes seeing George without seeing Fred and George doesn't deserve that when he probably goes through the same thing every time he looks in a mirror."
Draco stepped forward "We visited George recently, when Hermione had told me, because she wanted George to know that we were getting closer rather than risk him hearing or seeing something and it being out of context. She didn't want him to think she'd forgotten Fred. He was happy for us; said Fred would be as well."
Hermione watched, distracted from her thoughts, as Draco groaned in frustration and threw a ball of parchment towards the bin. "Trouble with the essay?" She ventured gently.
His shoulders sagged and he turned towards her, only slightly wincing now as his almost healed scars strained with the movement. "Nothing too bad, I'm nearly finished now." He stood and crossed to where she sat "where have you been the last hour?" He asked, "You've been lost in memories again," he supplied when she frowned in confusion, "good or bad?"
She shrugged slowly and sat up, tucking her feet underneath her, "both I think" she ventured, "I was thinking about when I told Ron about Fred. And then I was thinking about Fred" she admitted carefully, watching Draco for his response.
To his credit Draco didn't flinch at her honesty as many others would have. She often battled with herself over how much to admit to Draco when it came to Fred; she didn't want to hold part of herself back but at the same time she was aware it could be wounding to a man's pride if the person he was with was thinking of a dead love too often. Not that she was, or wasn't, but obviously there was no guide on such a thing. "He was a big part of your life, at one point he was your future and that isn't something you can or should easily forget or shrug off. I imagine being here isn't helpful in terms of memories either" He finally said.
"No, not really," she confessed, "I think I'll always love him" she told Draco slowly, her eyes never leaving his, "but I do accept he's gone. Sometimes it's nice to think of him, but I am also aware of you and what you mean to me"
"Hermione you don't have to say anything if you feel pressured to," Draco cut her off worriedly.
She shook her head and smiled almost shyly at him "I'm not," she promised him, "I'll always love Fred, as you said I planned a future with him; we were engaged, I was pregnant and we had a whole life plan before it was taken. He was my first everything pretty much. But at the same time I want you to know how I feel and for you to know that while I loved Fred and still do, I can love you as well. Does that make sense?"
Draco nodded slowly and kissed her forehead "It does" he said, "it certainly does."
