During the usual arrival of the owls, a grey-specked owl headed for Harry. He recognized it as one of the school owls. His mind stumbled over thoughts who would send him a rectangular parcel. But then the owl changed directions at the last second and landed clumsily on the table, spilling Hermione's pumpkin juice. Harry snorted a laugh when he saw why.

Someone had taped a parcel to the bird's legs with tape, and the tape had wrapped itself around both legs. It was a miracle the owl was able to stand at all, let alone deliver a parcel.

"Ah, good, it's here," said Hermione contentedly and freed the poor owl from the parcel. The owl hooted its annoyance at her and held out its leg. With a muttered apology she pried the remaining tape from its legs and quickly the owl flew off, leaving behind a mess of pumpkin juice and tape. And the parcel, of course.

It came as no surprise to Harry that the parcel turned out to be a book.

A Muggle book, to be precise. The cover of the book showed a map, along with the words "Secluded world". Hermione made some interested noises and turned it over in her hands, reading the backside.

Ron eyed the book curiously. "Is that a Muggle book?" he asked, and Harry nodded, since Hermione was already lost in her own little world.

"Yeah, it's a travel guide," he explained.

"Why do you have a travel guide to..." Ron tried to read the subtitle, but Hermione's hands covered it. She snapped out of her reading and held the book up for Harry and Ron to see.

"To the hidden countries," she said. Ron took a bite from his toast before asking:

"Let me rephrase: why do you have a Muggle traveling guide to the hidden countries?"

Hermione shrugged. "Wizards aren't the only ones who can write books, you know. Muggles travel to the hidden countries, and since the library has little books about them, I figured I'd try looking in books from the Muggle world."

Harry admitted that was pretty smart of her. Trust a Muggle-born to come up with that plan.

"My mom found a great book about their customs and language," Hermione continued, "so I asked her to owl it to me."

Ron nodded sagely.

"Ah, so that's why the book was bound to the owl by eceltrical tape," he said. Harry and Hermione looked at each other.

"Err, Ron, that's just regular tape," explained Harry. "And it's 'electric'." It was Ron's turn to shrug.

"Dad only has electrical tape, and he tries to use it on everything. Mom goes nuts every time she has to clean up the adhesive he leaves behind."

"I see," said Harry slowly, conjuring up scenes with an overenthusiastic mr. Weasley trying to figure out what electrical tape was for, covering the Ford Anglia with it, wrapping it around pens... A pity mr. Weasley didn't have electricity, so the mystery of the electrical tape would be everlasting.

"At any rate..." said Hermione, but let the end of her sentence taper off when her eye fell on an interesting sentence in the book.

Harry and Ron were used to this by now, so they started up a conversation about why the Chudley Cannons would have a far better chance at the British Championship than the Westridge Wasps.


"I can't believe I'm saying this... But this Muggle book actually offers good information!"

In a split second you saw who was a Muggle-born (or Muggle-raised) wizard, and who wasn't. The ones who were threw an annoyed glare at Ron, who had thrown out the remark in the common room.

"Of course Muggle books contain good information," hissed Hermione. "Not our fault that your dad only has outdated books on car maintenance."

Ron wanted to look insulted, but the text drew him in again. It was a rare thing to see Ron reading of his own volition, but the lazy evening gave room to boredom, which made way for reading as Ron had grabbed the book from Hermione's pile.

Ginny knew that her brother had accidentally destroyed his bookcase, but that didn't matter, since he owned little books apart from his schoolbooks. But the Muggle book with its shiny cover and tantalizing title had offered enough of a distraction in the lone, dark hours of the winter evening.

And now he read out loud from it, to whoever would listen. Ginny put down her own schoolwork. This might turn out to be interesting.

"Listen up: there are several ranks of ninja in a hidden village. Their names vary throughout the country, but there are three levels recognized all across the hidden countries: the gee-nin, the choo-nin and the j-jauo-nin? Higher and lower levels exist, but each hidden country has their own name for them.

Each rank gets their own privileges, mission pay and sometimes uniform. A ninja must first pass an exam before moving upwards. Demotion is uncommon, but can be used as a punishment for failing a mission.

A ninja shows their rank through various means. Clothing plays a large part. Capes, green vests, hats, all can signify the rank. Sometimes the rank is shown through body decorations such as tattoos or piercings. Some hidden countries change the honorifics behind a person's name, or even change the name of a person entirely."

"I wonder what rank our guards are," wondered Ginny out loud.

"Wait a sec, read that sentence about the clothes again," requested Hermione, and Ron obliged.

"Green vests!" said Ron and Harry at the same time, and Harry made a dash for Ron's chair, reading over his friend's shoulder.

"They both have those bulky green vests, maybe that's what the book is talking about?"

Ron re-read the sentence again and again, but shook his head.

"Doesn't say," he said, and handed the book over to an eager Harry. He flipped through the pages, too fast to read anything.

Ginny got up and joined the boys, homework momentarily forgotten. They could actually find some real info on the guards! Gently she lifted the book from Harry's fingers and flipped through it herself, though at a far slower pace. It didn't take long for her to find the description of how ninja of the five great countries showed their rank.

"Here, it says: 'Choo-nin: green vest. Jauo-nin: green vest.' That's hardly any help."

The book offered a tiny picture of a mannequin wearing one of those bulky green vests, along with blue pants and a blue sweatshirt. Exactly the uniform the guards sometimes wore.

"At least we know they're not gee-nin," said Ron, and took the book back from Ginny. She wasn't done with it, and she yelped in protest. But since Ron was her big brother, she couldn't do anything to him, apart from hexing him to hell and back. Which she wasn't going to do, because, well, he was her big brother.

"Of course they're not gee-nin, guarding Hogwarts is too dangerous to leave it to the lowest-ranked," said Hermione with a sigh.

"We'll have to ask them whether they're choo-nin or jauo-nin," said Harry, but Hermione shook her head.

"They'll want to know how we know those ranks, and then they'll confiscate this book."

Ron didn't see a problem with that, judging by his smirk.

"But you probably have memorized the book by now, right?"

Hermione's headshake wiped the smirk off his face faster than eating a vomit-flavored Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Bean.

"I haven't had the time to properly read it yet," she said. Ron quickly looked at the portrait hole, as if the guards were going to burst through it any moment now and rip the precious book to shreds.

"We could try to ask them and not reveal our source," tried Ron, but Ginny snorted at that. Sadly she'd opted out of the Duelling class. With all the stories floating around about that class, she regretted it ever since. It was hard work, she'd been told, and the guards demonstrated a different approach towards teaching.

Still, she'd heard some stories about their attitude.

"They'd wring it out of you in under four minutes," she said in a flat tone. Harry's facial muscles worked hard to suppress a smirk, but Ron caught it nonetheless.

"What, you agree with her?"

"No," tried Harry, but now that Ron had been insulted he wouldn't let it drop.

"Watch me, I'll ask them and not reveal my source."

Hermione sighed as Ron flipped through the pages, muttering under his breath.

"I'd better read it before the guards confiscate it," she said, and Ginny suppressed another smirk.


"So, are you a chuu-nin ninja or jaounin ninja?"

The question Ron had asked so casually hung in the air like a divide between two worlds. Ron tried not to act nervous or intimidated by the dual masks staring at him. He wished they would answer already, so he could gloat to his friends that he hadn't revealed the source of their information.

"How do you know those words?" asked Crow menacingly, and advanced towards Ron.

"Read it," said Ron as casual as the first question. He hoped. Crow took another step.

"The books in this library have no information on those words," countered Crow. Ron's mind worked a mile a minute as he thought of what Hermione would say.

"Doesn't have to be a library book. There are book stores out there, you know."

He tried his hardest not to take a step back when Crow moved closer once again, but thankfully Fox intervened. He walked over and put a hand on Crow's shoulder. To Ron's delight he saw that they wore the green vests today, making this all the easier.

"We're Chuunin," said Fox in a proud tone. "And don't call us 'ninja'. It's insulting to us, like we call you 'magicians' or, I dunno, 'stick figures'." Crow whirled and looked Fox in the eye, or as much in the eye as possible with those impossible tiny slits for eyes. He hissed something, but Fox ignored it.

"Please don't spread those words around. And this book... did other people read it?"

Ron shrugged, still trying to act as nonchalant as possible.

"Some friends and my sister. But I promise I won't let other people read it," he hurried to add when Crow's glare focused on him again. "And I know it because the book said something about a green vest and we figured that you always wear green vests so we thought you might be chuu-nin or a jaounin but we weren't sure."

Ron cursed at himself. Stupid Crow's glare, he intimidated Ron way too much. He had lasted even less than four minutes. But then again, he hadn't revealed the title of his source.

"Do not let those words leak out," said Crow, "and do not mention this to anyone. Or I will find your bed."

Crow left the threat dangling and Ron thought that might be a good time to exit stage left.

"Yeah, no prob, it won't happen again. I mean: ever. It will not."

He backed up and when a corner prodded at his back he fled into the corridor, leaving the scary guard behind. That had been dangerous. But at least he knew their ranks now, maybe Hermione could order some more books about that village and they could finally start unraveling the mystery of the guards.


Naruto had been unusually quiet the entire patrol, but Sasuke didn't mind. He was fighting a cold and didn't want to gain another headache through his teammate's way too loud talking. So when Naruto spoke all of a sudden, Sasuke gave him more attention than usual.

"We've got a cat-stalker."

"What, that small stringy cat?"

That bothered Naruto? It had been stalking them for some time now, but Sasuke paid it little heed. Until it grew poison fangs and gained a few feet, it'd remain that way. Naruto looked back over his shoulder to the cat, who all of a sudden decided that it had to wash itself. Typical cat behavior. But Sasuke knew that this cat had more intelligence than the average shinobi (Naruto being the example he based this on), and he suspected some sort of summoning contract between the janitor and the cat. Naruto glared at it and smirked.

"I think it belongs to that civilian janitor. Wanna see what happens if I -"

"No, I don't," interrupted Sasuke. "In fact, I'll be over here, oblivious to what you're doing over there."

Naruto stuck out his tongue. Always the mature one.

"Party pooper. Go hide in a closet, scaredy cat."

"Truly the master of insults," scoffed Sasuke. "If you wish to scare a cat, go right ahead."

The cat annoyed him too, but not enough to go after it. The janitor would find out, and it'd compromise the mission. But as long as Sasuke was on the other side of the castle, he could claim ignorance and let his teammate deal with the fallout. Naruto felt he had to justify his desire, because words kept on coming from his mouth.

"I don't like the way it stares at me. As if I've done something wrong by walking here."

"Well- " began Sasuke, but Naruto interrupted him.

"Don't, Sasuke. People've looked like that at me all my life, and now I can do something about it."

Ah. The guy went down that path again.

"… Fine, go scare your damn cat."

Throw him a bone, else Sasuke would have a sulky Naruto on his hands. And he didn't want that one bit, not when an interesting book waited for him back at their room. Sasuke could picture the foxy grin growing behind Naruto's mask.

"I will scare my damn cat. Not my cat, but, you know," Naruto said, and abruptly turned around. Sasuke made good on his escape and ignored the surprised cry from the cat. Time to not be here.


"Give me your wand."

It was a command, but Naruto was used to not following those, so he made a rude gesture and continued reading the scroll. Sasuke scowled. He had read about the Priori Incantatem-spell, and he wanted to test it out. But to do that he needed another wand. And since Naruto was the closest (and the only one who in this place who he could trust)...

"I said: give me your wand." Sasuke didn't like repeating himself, especially when he asked his teammate for help. Why was Naruto being so stubborn? He asked, demanded, it nice enough. No insults or anything.

"It's for a spell," explained Sasuke, but that didn't convince Naruto either. Another thing Sasuke didn't like was being ignored, like Naruto did to him right now.

"Give me your wand before I come over there and take it."

His tone grew more threatening, but still no reaction. Well, he had warned him...

Sasuke swiftly jumped up on his bed, bent his knees and pounced. Naruto was on to him, but reacted a second too late, and they both went tumbling down onto the hard, stone floor.

"I think I broke something," groaned Naruto and coughed weakly. Sasuke didn't buy that for one second. He rifled through his teammate's pockets to see if he kept his wand there, but stopped when his hands didn't encounter anything wand-like.

"Do you even have it on you?" asked Sasuke, but Naruto coughed once more for added effect. Sasuke allowed himself the luxury of an eyeroll before flipping his teammate on his back and standing over him. It'd be more threatening if he wasn't already wearing his nightshirt, but he let his killing intent dress him.

"Last time, Naruto. Where. is. your. wand."

"Or what? You're gonna pummel me some more? I quiver, lord Sasuke."

Naruto's words rang true. They beat each other up at least twice a week, if not more often, so any threat of bodily harm was useless. But Sasuke had knowledge something Naruto hadn't bothered learning about... Magic.

With a wicked grin Sasuke pulled out his own wand and aimed it at his teammate. Naruto grew still, and Sasuke almost saw the (rusty, rusty) gears in his head turning. Naruto had seen Sasuke perform magic before, and learnt about the effect of spells through his bunshins. So if Sasuke pointed his wand at him... He could do stuff. Nasty stuff. And Naruto had no defense. With a dramatic sigh he relented.

"It's in the leg pouch on my pants."

Sasuke smirked, stepped off him and then proceeded to ignore all of Naruto's questions. He finally had Naruto's wand in his hands, and tapped it with his own wand. Carefully he redirected his chakra flow, and said clearly: "Priori incantatem."

Some smoke drifted upwards, but then poofed out of existence. Sasuke scowled. That wasn't supposed to happen. Did he do something wrong? He repeated this process three times, but all he got was smoke with no discernible shape. Annoyed he looked up at Naruto, who had taken the opportunity to climb back onto his bed.

"Have you even used your wand?" Sasuke asked in an annoyed tone, and Naruto grinned sheepishly.

"Maybe, kinda, err - no, I haven't."

At Sasuke's raised eyebrows, Naruto felt he had to defend himself.

"It takes way too precise chakra control! And you know I suck at that. Besides, half the spells you try melt something or blow up in your face. Why would I want that to happen to me?"

"Maybe because there are tons of useful spells?"

Sasuke knew that Naruto often needed an example before he got a concept, so he pondered over what was important to Naruto.

"You can make water boil in an instant, for example."

Sasuke let that sink in for three seconds, and then Naruto got it. With a wide grin he commented: "So... I can make true instant ramen then? No more waiting three minutes?" Naruto managed to keep it in for another three seconds before he burst.

"TEACH ME!"

"You're always thinking with your stomach, aren't you? Don't answer, it was rhetorical," added Sasuke when Naruto opened his mouth. "Though I don't know the spell from the top of my head, I'm sure we can find it in the library, somewhere."

"To the library!"

"Not now, idiot." Sasuke grabbed Naruto by the back of his nightshirt, to stop his teammate from marching off and finding this elusive spell right now. "Tomorrow morning," he ordered, and Naruto dove back into bed, a wide grin still on his face.

"Fine. But early. Damn, I miss Ichiraku ramen..."

He murmured in his pillow, and turned his back to Sasuke. Sasuke shook his head at his teammate's obsession with ramen and settled down for the night as well. He hoped tomorrow Naruto wouldn't whine too much that doing magic was too hard.


"I want one."

Sasuke didn't even bother looking confusedly at Naruto. He just kept walking. In due time, his idiot teammate would explain himself. He slowly counted to three in his head and on the third number Naruto opened his mouth.

"One of those small elves with those huge ears," said Naruto, and indicated something about a foot high. Sasuke didn't want to get dragged into this conversation, but he couldn't help correcting Naruto's lack of knowledge of this world.

"An house-elf," said Sasuke, saying the word in English. He didn't bother translating it for Naruto.

"Houself? Alright, then I want one of those houselfs."

"Why," said Sasuke blandly, "do you want one?"

Even behind the mask Sasuke saw Naruto's 'duh' face. "Because they do like, everything for you! Imagine all the extra time you'd free up if someone else did your housework for you."

Sasuke briefly daydreamed of one of those tiny creatures scurrying in his house, cleaning his clothes, cooking, doing the dishes... always chattering away, disturbing the sanctity of his home...

"I prefer to at least act like I'm an adult, with adult responsibilities. I know that that must be very hard for you."

Naruto briefly clenched his fists, but his desire to talk was greater than his desire to fight. For now. "All the time better spent training," said Naruto, playing his trump card. But Sasuke preferred doing his own chores and not have one of those noisy house-elves in and around his house.

"Shut up," said Sasuke instead. "Or at least lower your ridiculously loud volume. We're in a library."

Naruto scoffed. "Yeah, we just walked in and-"

"Shush!" screamed Madam Pince, and glared at them with her lidded eyes. She and Naruto got along like the floor and the ceiling of a room: best to be kept apart. She had tried to kick them out a few times, but Sasuke had let some killing intent seep out and the old lady withered and build herself a fort out of her precious books, leaving a tiny hole to glare through at them and the students.

"You don't even know where to get an house-elf," said Sasuke at a much lower volume, heading for a shelf full of spell books. He needed some more tips on how to control an Wind-spell, because his supposed powerful hurricane was a small breeze. Since he had a lot of control over fire, he thought it best to focus his wandwork on elements he hadn't mastered yet, to cover more bases. But that wasn't easy.

"Sure I know where to get one. From the kitchens. I walk up to an houself, and ask if it wants to live with me."

"That sounds like you're proposing to one. Before you know it, you'll have tiny ugly house-human-elf hybrids."

Sasuke imagined the screwed up face Naruto pulled right now. And, sure enough: "First of all: ew. Second: what the hell kind of pervert do you think I am? Third: ew."

"You just admitted you're a pervert," said Sasuke as he pulled a book on wind spells from the shelf. This looked interesting. Naruto sputtered before coming up with a reply. But before he graced the world with his brilliance once more, a female voice interrupted their bickering.

"Excuse me, were you talking about house-elves?"

Both shinobi turned around and Sasuke recognized the girl as one of the special charge's friends. A bag full of books weighed her down, and it looked like she just walked into the library too.

"Yes, we were," answered Naruto truthfully. Sasuke knew he should have translated the word, so the girl hadn't heard and understood part of their discussion. One word of it anyhow.

"He wants one," said Sasuke, jerking his thumb towards his teammate.

"Yeah, yeah, you know how I get one?" asked Naruto hopefully, but they both realized that was a mistake when rage grew on the girl's usually pretty face.

"You do realize that you're talking about enslaving an intelligent BEING?"

If she had x-ray vision, she'd be looking at two surprised faces. Sasuke's expression remained only a second before he once again schooled his controlled blank mask back into place, but it was enough.

"Err, no?" tried Naruto, but the girl had barely started ranting.

"The whole wizarding community treats them like they're the lowest of the low, just because they're brainwashed into thinking they like working themselves to death. And for what? For lazy wizards who don't even have the decency to provide them with pay, health insurance, or even some shred of dignity. They're slaves, pure and simple. And now you want to get one?"

"I think one may like-"

"Like? They have nothing to say about their own fates! They're left to the fickle needs of the wizards. And if they get old, they get discarded and die in the gutter."

"Shush!" yelled Madam Pince at them again, but none of them paid her any heed.

"I'm working on freeing them, making them see that there are better things in life than working and slaving away over a hot stove, in return for no gratitude. I suggest you join S.P.E.W., because they make your bed, light your fire, cook your food. The least you can do is give them their freedom."

"I only want-"

But Naruto didn't get a word in edgewise. The girl resembled Chouji on his way to barbeque. No matter what kind of obstacle stood in her way, it'd get flattened and rolled over to surrender. Quick as lightning the girl whipped a donation tin from her bag and held it under Naruto's nose. "I'm using the donations to raise awareness of the house-elf situation in Britain, and to buy wool to create clothes, so they can be free."

The last part didn't make any sense to Sasuke, but the girl was far from stupid. Probably some weird magic law. Naruto looked from the donation tin to the girl. "I don't have any of your money," he said. Which was partially true. They still had some money somewhere in the room, but they'd spent a lot of it already when they visited Hogsmeade. That didn't deter her in the slightest.

"Alright, then you can donate some of your money and I can exchange it later on," she said.

"Will you leave me alone then?" he asked, and the girl seemed insulted, but nodded nonetheless. Relieved, Naruto took his frog wallet from his pouch and selected an amount which wouldn't even get you the time of day in this country. The girl had no idea what their currency was worth, at any rate. With flourish Naruto dropped the coins in the tin and Sasuke decided it was time to leave before the girl would come after him.

"Hey, isn't that Victor Krum?" he asked in a forced curious tone, and when she turned her back, he used the kawarimi technique to book it out of there. He clutched the book on water spells in his hand and realized he hadn't officially checked it out. One more thing for Madam Pince to hate him for couldn't hurt.

"Hey!" he heard her yell, and the subsequent "shush!" made him smirk. Evasion: success.


Before Naruto even opened his mouth, Sasuke held up his hand.

"Do you remember the conversation we had about sentences I never wanted to hear from you again?"

"How could I forget. You dangled me above an active volcano until I repeated everything you said."

Naruto shuddered as he recalled that particular memory. Sasuke's face had looked like that fateful battle at the Valley of the End, only this time Sasuke had the upper hand in the fight.

"So you remember the two phrases I particularly never want to hear from you again. For completeness sake, repeat them for me, please."

Sasuke's hand-position indicated that he could easily start a Chidori and make contact with Naruto in the time it took to hurl something out of a window, while you're standing right next to the window and the object hurled is something light, like a feather duster. Sadly, the average human body is heavier than a feather duster. So Naruto thought it no problem to answer and avoid bodily harm, if at all possible when Sasuke was in a mood like this.

"Let me think, they were ... 'here Sasuke, I baked you a cake', and the other one was ..."

Naruto's mind drew a blank. Oh crap. Sasuke looked less than amused, and advanced on Naruto. The blonde shinobi subtly felt around for the doorknob, which had to be somewhere behind his back.

"The other one was ... Wait, I remember!" cried Naruto relieved. "It was 'it seemed like a good idea at the time'!"

Sasuke's hand dropped from its Chidori-enhanced position and the owner of the hand smirked. "And what phrase seems appropriate for this situation?"

"Err... 'it seemed like a good idea at the time'?"

"Correct. So don't ever come in here again, ready to utter that phrase. Because I will kill you and bury the remains at the foot of the Hokage tower. And then piss on them."

Sasuke turned his back to Naruto and vaguely waved a hand in the general direction of the upper floors.

"So get those floppy rabbit ears removed at the Hospital Wing, and don't come back until they're gone. Or I will punch you in the face. And then piss on you."

Naruto wanted to snipe something back, but the duck-butt hair on the back of his teammate's head convinced him otherwise. Sasuke was, for some reason, pissed off at him. Since Naruto had run patrols all day and for a good portion of the night, he was exhausted, and for once getting in a brawl with Sasuke wasn't worth it.

He located the doorknob and silently disappeared out of the door. He hoped that Madam Pomfrey would be more accommodating in removing the fluffy bunny ears he had acquired.

Back in the room, Sasuke breathed freely, and slowly rolled up his right sleeve. He cursed when the chameleon scales were still there, where they now flared a deep red in accordance with his mood. Stupid human transfiguration, it was all way too complicated for him.

He didn't even want to know how Naruto managed to gain rabbit ears, no matter how astounding it was that Naruto had managed to do anything considered 'magic'. It only made the potential for mischief and larking about grow exponentially.

And there was one thing he never wanted to hear from Naruto again: 'it seemed like a good idea at the time'. Especially not mixed with magic.


A/N: In a crack-ficcy mood I added 'in my pants' to every sentence of the scene where Sasuke tackles Naruto. The results are rather... I'm sure SasuNaru fans enjoy it, but judge for yourself and hit up my LJ, found via the 'home page' link on my profile. There you can find some more deleted scenes.