Thank you so much to all who have reviewed on this story, you guys make me feel all warm inside lol.

ashikinz – Thanks so much, I try to put as much real emotion and vulnerability in as I can.

LoveAsh87 – Glad you liked it. I kinda love Spashley too!

hugbuddy13 – I figured it was about time I got some Spashley kisses in there!

grangergirl22 – Thanks for your review

mutt009 – Cheers for the review and the song recommendations (you'll see I've used one in Chapter 9)

WillowOn3 – I like your wild imagination, I think it's on par with mine lol. I'll take full credit for making you go there. Yeah I like Lily too, I'll let you borrow her lol. Thanks so much for your kind words…once again :D

MrsMusgraveTNG – Well Super Rock Star, thanks for the review. I'm not giving anything away but I will gently remind you that I am a fan of happy endings…I will not say any more lol

Hope you all like this chapter!

What Went Wrong

Chapter Nine – Tangled Up In You

Spencer and Ashley lost themselves in the kiss. It was hot, intense and emotionally charged. Both women had a feeling that being there in that moment in each others arms was exactly where they were supposed to be. In that moment the past fell away and all that they were aware of was the love between them.

In desperate need of oxygen, Spencer pulled away. The tiny amount of distance that movement created seemed to bring reality crashing back down onto her. Spencer's hand flew to her lips and she stared in open mouthed shock at the beautiful brunette still clutching her waist.

Ashley let her hands drop to her sides and took a half step back, "Spencer, oh God I'm sorry. Shit I shouldn't have done that. I told you I wouldn't push and there I go and practically molest you! Spencer I am so sorry!" Ashley was looking panicked. One moment she had everything she ever wanted back in her arms and the next she felt like it was all being torn away again.

Spencer raised panicked eyes to meet Ashley's, which reflected her emotions perfectly, she swallowed audibly and swept her fingers over her lips. She took a hesitant step forward and whispered softly, "Ash its ok."

Ashley froze and stared in wonder at the breath-taking blonde in front of her, "Seriously?"

Spencer chuckled and smiled, "Yeah seriously."

Ashley positively beamed and went to pull Spencer into her arms again. Spencer stopped her with a gentle hand against her chest, "Wait Ash, before we go any further I really think we should talk. There is so much I want to tell you, so much I need to tell you."

Ashley nodded and took Spencer's hand in hers, "Of course, whatever you need Spence. What did you want to talk about?"

"Not here Ash, can we go somewhere?" Spencer asked as she tenderly squeezed Ashley's hand. Ashley nodded and let Spencer lead her from the room.

Spencer held her hand as they walked along the hallways of the MTV offices and out to the underground car park. "Ok Spencer are you planning to kill me in here?" Ashley asked with a grin.

Spencer threw back her head and laughed, the musical sound swimming around Ashley and making her feel a happiness she could only ever feel in Spencer's presence. "Nuh not gonna kill you…yet," Spencer said with a huge smile as she led Ashley to her car.

"Mini Cooper huh? Nice!" Ashley commented as she settled herself in the passenger seat.

"Yeah she suits me," Spencer replied with a huge grin. She started the car and they drove out of the car park.

It wasn't long before a look of recocognition crossed Ashley's face, "You're taking me to the beach aren't you?"

Spencer just grinned and kept driving. Her eyes widened in astonishment when the next song to start playing on the radio was Dirty Mind. Spencer turned to look at Ashley and gave her a warm smile. They sat in silence as the song played, each lost in memories of the past, happy memories this time.

'Summer's getting hotter and winter's growing colder...
And everybody's turning another year older
I wonder when I'll be lying head to toe again
With you my friend
And time will stop and space will bend'

Ashley joined in and began singing the song along with Madison's voice as it spilled from the radio.

'Please come find me with your dirty mind

Here you come just like a meteor shower
Call me up at the dreamiest hour
Sighing with your lazy voice on the phone

Oh please come find me with your dirty mind
Hold me down until I cry
With your wicked secret smile

Hold me down until I cry
With your wicked secret smile
Hold me down and make me cry'

The music faded out and a disposable pop song began to play. Spencer sent Ashley a grin. "You know as much as I love Madison's version, it has nothing on the one you recorded for me."

"Yeah?" Ashley asked with a nose-crinkling grin.

"Yeah." Spencer pulled into a space at the beach and got out of the car. Both women rolled up their pant legs and kicked of their high heels. Spencer grabbed a blanket from her trunk and led the way across the warm, soft sand to their spot under the pier.

This spot would always be special to them.

Spencer spread the blanket out on the sand and they each took a seat facing out towards the ocean. "You know ever since I've moved back to L.A. I have avoided the beach like the plague," Spencer murmured, her eyes staring out at the waves.

"Why?" Ashley asked as she turned her face to look at the blonde.

"Simple, it reminded me of you, of being with you and it hurt." Spencer said, still staring out at the water.

Ashley lowered her eyes, "Spence I know I've said it before but I am so sorry about everything."

"Ash," Spencer waited for Ashley to meet her eyes, "I know you're sorry. I'm sorry for my part in it all too. I kind of wanted to talk about that. I mean you explained everything to me, how you felt and all that but I never really explained to you how I felt after we…ah…lost the baby." Spencer's eyes filled with tears and she furiously blinked them away.

Ashley turned her body around so that she was sitting facing Spencer. She knew that Spencer had not yet forgiven her and it hurt, but she would wait. She had waited so long to hear what Spencer was about to say. "Spencer if you want to talk about it I'm all ears, I've always wanted to know, wished I'd known then so I could have helped you. I just wanted to take your pain away."

Spencer gave a bitter little laugh, "At that point in my life nothing was going to take my pain away, least of all you," Spencer stopped, realising she had been a tad harsh, "I mean I was in a dark place and I needed time to get myself out of there." Spencer took a deep breath to steady herself. She had never actually verbalised any of her feelings about the baby, it had remained a taboo subject in her life that everyone avoided at all costs.

"When we decided to have a baby I was scared but so excited. I wanted a family, a life, everything with you. The day we found out I was pregnant is one of the happiest memories of my life, even though it is now coloured by all that happened afterwards. I was so excited Ash. It was like all our planning, hoping and dreaming was coming true. Everything was falling into place. It was one of the happiest times of my life." Spencer gave a sad little smile.

"Then it all came crashing down around us. I remember the night I lost the baby like it was yesterday. I have had nightmares about that night so many times. I remember I had just gotten home from work and gotten changed. I was thinking about you actually, wondering if you were going to burn down the kitchen while you were cooking dinner," Spencer paused and gave Ashley a ghost of a smile, "Then this unbearable pain shot through my stomach and I knew, deep down I knew what was happening. I was so scared. I bit my lip to keep from crying and lay down on the bed, hoping against hope that I was overreacting and that the pain would go away."

Ashley felt her heart constrict and tears fill her eyes. Spencer let her own tears fall unchecked down her cheeks, "Then you came in and ran to me, you called the ambulance and then lay down behind me, wrapping your arms around me. That is what held me together until I felt the blood coming from me. I knew without a doubt that I was loosing the baby. I felt pain like I have never experienced before, emotional and physical. I kind of just wanted to die."

Ashley looked at the blonde in horror, shaken to her core and unsure of what to say. Spencer seemed to sense this and lay a hand gently over Ashley's before she continued, "Everything after that was a nightmare, a waking nightmare that I just couldn't force myself to wake up from. I can still hear the sound of that machine, the one that they used to take away all that was left of our child. In that moment I started to hate myself. I blamed myself for losing the baby."

Ashley went to speak but was silenced by Spencer, "Please let me get this out. I felt that I must have done something wrong, not taken care of myself and our baby. I felt so guilty and angry at myself. I wished with all my soul that I could go back and save our child. I kept telling myself that if only I'd done things differently, anything then maybe I could have stopped our lives falling apart.

It was bad while we were in the hospital but I knew once we got home it would be worse. That's why I asked you to get rid of all the stuff that would remind me of the baby and the pregnancy. Knowing you though I bet you didn't throw it out, what did you do with it all?"

Ashley squeezed Spencer's hand, "It's all in a box at Kyla and Aiden's. You're right I couldn't bear to get rid of it. I also felt that maybe one day you would regret asking me to get rid of it and I didn't want you to, so I kept it all. I have only opened that box once in two years."

"I actually think I'd like to see the stuff sometime, not right now but sometime. Thank you for not listening to me," Spencer grinned.

"You know me Spence, I rarely listen."

Spencer chuckled softly, "I vaguely remember that about you." They smiled fondly at each other for a moment before Spencer continued, "Well coming back to that loft was harder than I thought it would be. The second I walked in the door I just want to sink to the floor and sob. That place was just too full of memories, and then there was you. God Ashley I love you, but seeing you so broken and sad just reminded me of what I had lost, what we had lost. It hurt just to look at you. I could see how badly you wanted to help me but it just made me feel worse. I felt undeserving of your love and support because I lost our baby."

Spencer was crying in earnest now, the memories coming hard and fast. Ashley had tears pouring from her eyes as well, she had never known the depth of guilt that Spencer had carried with her. "I pulled away from you, but to me at the time that was the only way I knew how to survive. I was drowning Ash, sinking and a huge part of me was desperate to let go. Hell if I didn't love you so much I would have. I would have given into the gut-wrenching pain and just let go.

I felt like I was letting you down in every way Ashley, by loosing the baby, by pulling away from you and by not being able to help you through your grief. I knew you were grieving too and that just made me feel guiltier. I hid from you, pushed you away as a means of surviving something I really didn't think I was going to survive. I didn't want you to see how bad I was feeling, I didn't want to add to your pain. That's why I wanted to get away from you for a while.

I spent the entire drive to my parent's friend's cabin playing everything over and over in my head. It made me hate myself even more. I saw how by pushing you away I was only adding to your pain. I got to the cabin and instantly turned around to drive home. I guess you know what happened when I got there…" Spencer trailed off and stared out over the ocean.

Ashley sat in silence trying to process everything that Spencer had said to her. She swallowed around the lump in her throat and said huskily, "Spencer you did nothing wrong. It was so not your fault that we lost the baby, these things happen sometimes and there is nothing anyone could have done. It was a freak thing Babe and there was nothing that you could have done to prevent it. I understand why you felt guilty, I felt the same way when I lost my baby in high school, but please believe me when I tell you it wasn't your fault. Nothing that happened back then was your fault Spencer."

Spencer wiped the tears from her cheeks and sniffled a little bit. "Thanks Ash," Spencer looked thoughtful for a second and then a watery smile formed on her lips, "God I feel free, like a weight has gone. I think telling you all that was exactly what I needed. Fuck, I've been waiting over two years to have you tell me that you don't blame me for losing the baby, I just never realised it." Spencer laughed softly and shook her head.

"I never blamed you Spence, not for any of it. I wish I'd known you were blaming yourself, although in hindsight I so should have been able to see it. I'm sorry that I didn't see it and for everything else." Ashley said, locking her eyes with Spencer's.

Spencer just smiled and held Ashley's hand more firmly in her own. They say in comfortable silence for a while until Ashley noticed Spencer shivering. She scooted closer and tentatively wrapped an arm around the blonde's shoulder, giving her the opportunity to pull away if she chose to.

Spencer snuggled into the familiar embrace and rested her head on Ashley's shoulder. She felt ok, really ok for the first time in a damn long time. Ashley held her close as they watched the sun start to sink below the water. "Ash?"

"Yeah Spence?"

"What are we?" Spencer asked quietly.

"We are whatever you want us to be. I love you and I want to be with you but I don't want to push you into something you don't want or are not ready for. The ball's in your court babe," Ashley murmured planting the softest of kisses on Spencer's forehead.

"Ok, let's just sit here for a while then, just be here in the moment together. Is that ok?" Spencer asked gently.

"It's better than ok."

They snuggled against each other in the dying light, each just revelling in the joy of being together. Spencer tilted her head to look up at Ashley and whispered, "will you sing something for me?"

Ashley smiled and murmured, "Of course, any requests?"

"Whatever you feel," Spencer replied.

Ashley thought for a second and then smiled as she began to sing.

"You're my world
The shelter from the rain
You're the pills
That take away my pain
You're the light
That helps me find my way
You're the words
When I have nothing to say

And in this world
Where nothing else is true
Here I am
Still tangled up in you
I'm still tangled up in you
Still tangled up in you

You're the fire
That warms me when I'm cold
You're the hand
I have to hold as I grow old
You're the shore
When I am lost at sea
You're the only thing
That I like about me

And in this world
Where nothing else is true
Here I am
Still tangled up in you
I'm still tangled up in you

How long has it been
Since this storyline began
And I hope it never ends
And goes like this forever

In this world
Where nothing else is true
Here I am
Still tangled up in you
Tangled up in you
I'm still tangled up in you
Still tangled up in you."

Spencer grinned tenderly up at Ashley and snuggled deeper into her arms. Ashley smiled and held the blonde closer to her. They didn't need words, they just needed the closeness of having the other with them.

They sat there until the sun was completely gone from the sky, which had turned the deep, dark blue of night. Then Spencer stood up and held out a hand for Ashley who willing took it and let herself be pulled up to stand beside her former lover.

"Ash there's something I need to do, will you come with me?" Spencer asked, still clutching Ashley's hand in hers.

"You know I will." Was Ashley's simple reply.

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The song in this Chapter is Tangled Up In You by Staind, a huge thank you to mutt009 for suggesting it!! This song is also the name of the chapter.

TutorGurl – your comments on an earlier chapter inspired the conversation between Spencer and Ashley, I wanted to explain Spencer's POV a bit more, so thank you.

Not too sure how I feel about this one, would love to get your opinions!

I have a feeling the next chapter might be the last…