Blair woke up early. She had been in bed the entire day before and couldn't help but be up at the crack of dawn. She had been such an idiot. How could she have believed in Chuck? He was just as unreliable as ever. She went online, with a faint hope that there would be something about Chuck that would assuage her thirst for him because, sadly, she still wanted to be in on his life. She was pathetic and knew it, but she had to know what he was doing, or who.
She was utterly shocked to find a picture of her and Marc sharing their 'kiss' from the previous day. It did look very convincing. Of course, they didn't stick around to take a picture of her dismissal of him. Below the picture were over 100 comments about the relationship between Blair and Marc. It made her stomach turn, knowing that all these people were fully convinced that they were together. She secretly wondered how Marc took the news. Blair was certain he would be embarrassed more than anything. Even though he had completely offended her, Blair still had a soft spot for him. He deserved a girl who would want to be with him, whole-heartedly, not pining for someone else. Then Blair had an epiphany.
Holy shit! Of course! Chuck had seen this and thought that she was seeing Marc. That was why he was with that blond slut. She immediately tried to call him. He didn't answer. She tried three more times with no success, but then stopped to catch her breath. Was she really willing to just forgive Chuck for what he did? He didn't even try to talk to her; he just found some random girl and did what he did best, without giving her a second thought.
It didn't matter, she was going to tell him what really happened, and would decide later how to deal with his indiscretion. She got ready and wet out to find him. First, she went to the Palace, expecting to find him in his suite. However, she was disappointed to find that he was nowhere in sight. She whipped out her phone to call Serena.
"Hello?" a groggy voice asked.
"Wake up S, it's me."
"Blair? What the hell? It's-"
"Time for you to get up? I agree. Now drag your ass down the hall and tell me if your demon step-brother is there?"
"Chuck, yeah, he's here," she groaned, "He came stumbling in around 4, waking me up, hence, the drowsiness, so you'll have to-"
"That's nice Serena, I'll see you in ten," Blair said, snapping her phone shut and hailing a cab.
She walked into the quiet van der Bass apartment and headed straight to Chuck's room. Serena had for sure already gone back to sleep, and Blair was on a mission. She swung the door open and saw him laying there, half naked, but, to her relief, alone. She whipped the sheet off of him with one swift motion. Then she opened the blinds, allowing the morning light to pour into the disheveled room. She turned around to se Chuck slowly showing signs of life. "Morning Bass."
"Blair?" he asked, rubbing his eyes and sauntering towards her. "To what do I owe this pleasure?" he sneered.
"I just thought I'd tell you what a fantastic show you put on yesterday. Even I was impressed with your complete lack of common decency," she said. She was trying to sound as bitchy as possible, but unfortunately, the hurt was apparent in her voice.
"Decency? Who are you to lecture about that?" he chided.
"Oh, you must be talking about how Marc and I have been sneaking around, right? About how you saw the picture on Gossip Girl and your fears were confirmed, so you didn't even bother talking to me, but instead went and…and…" she was trying to be strong, but the words were flooding out of her without her general filter and she couldn't seem to stop. She looked at him in the eyes and pleaded for him to say something.
"And if I had talked to you, then what? I get the signature Blair Waldorf speech about how she's not ready and I'm not ready and the other man is much more suited for her because Blair belongs with the Nates and the Marcs of the world, not with Chuck Bass? Huh?" he asked, hands shaking with anger.
"No!" she yelled, "You would have gotten the truth!"
"Which is what?"
"Which is that I defended you. I told Marc that I didn't care what he thought of you, and that I would rather be with you than be friends with him. Which is that he forced himself on me and I was pushing him away the whole time. Which is that the whole time he was basically molesting me, I was thinking about what you would do to him when I told you. Which is that I came looking for you yesterday to tell you that I was tired of waiting and that I wanted you. Which is that when I saw you with her I wanted to die," she had slowly been inching closer and closer to him, her voice slowly descending to a whisper.
The pain was evident on his face. She had completely and utterly blindsided him. "I didn't sleep with her," he blurted out.
"I don't care," she said quietly, as she made her way to the door.
"Blair, wait," he said, grabbing her arm, pulling her close to him.
She looked at where their skin met and then returned her gaze back to his eyes. "Let go of me," she said menacingly.
He released her. "Why did you come here?"
"I just wanted to let you know the truth. I wanted you to know that you were wrong and that you should have trusted me. You should have had some faith in me, instead of ruining everything."
"Blair please don't-"
"No, Chuck, you don't get to dictate how this ends. I've made my decision. I can't trust you. I'll never be able to."
With that, she left his room and started the long walk home.
Or, at least, that's how she hoped it would've happened. Instead, she was intercepted by Lily who insisted, despite Blair's numerous protests, that she stay for brunch. Blair sat down at the table accompanied by Serena who was eyeing her curiously. "Did you see Chuck this morning?"
"Yes," Blair answered shortly. She hadn't really talked much to Serena, especially about Chuck and wasn't about to spill her heartbreak story at the kitchen table with everyone just steps away.
"And?"
"And nothing."
"Blair what's been going on with you two?"
Blair saw that Eric, Lily, and Bart were approaching the table and frantically put her napkin on her lap, "Please S, can I just tell you about it later. I really can't right now," she begged, feeling her breath speeding up and her face getting hotter. She felt the tears welling in her eyes; she was still reeling from her encounter with Chuck. She ended things. She couldn't believe she had ended things. It was finished. She just kept thinking about how she didn't have a someday with Chuck and she couldn't help but start to tear up.
"Blair, are you feeling okay?" Bart asked in a semi-concerned tone.
"I'm great," she answered with a fake smile, as she saw Chuck walking to the table and taking to seat across from her.
"Good morning Charles," Lily said brightly.
"Is it?" he said off-handedly. She just gave him a patronizing smile, clearly used to sarcastic responses. Lily had actually begun to see them as endearing.
Blair pushed her omelet around on her plate, cutting it up into small pieces and then moving it around some more. She cut up her toast and would raise it to her lips, but would ask a question or make a comment instead of putting her food into her mouth. She had become a pro at getting people to think that she was eating. No one noticed a thing.
Blair avoided Chuck's pleading eyes for the duration of brunch. She felt his eyes on her, watching her not eating, watching her be distracted by looking at her watch or fixing her hair or saying something to Serena, but never eating. He noticed, and she knew that he noticed, but didn't care. He had showed her exactly how much he could be counted on and she was done with him. Once brunch was done, and the plates were cleared, Serena and Blair retreated to Serena's room.
"Okay, I'm dying here. Tell me everything," Serena demanded.
Blair flopped down onto Serena's comfortable bed, "I was so stupid. I actually thought that Chuck had changed, I thought that he was different. I'm such an idiot," Blair cried, finally allowing her tears to be released.
Serena flew to her best friend's side and gently cradled her in her arms, "Oh B, talk to me. Tell me what happened."
"I thought that we had a future. We had basically said that we were going to be together when I was ready. And yesterday, I found him at his suite with a girl. It was pretty obvious what was happening," she wailed.
"B, but everyone thought that you and Marc-"
"No!" screamed Blair, "I have never been interested in Marc, nor will I ever be!"
"Okay, on Gossip Girl, you two seemed pretty…ummm…close."
"That's because he basically assaulted me!"
"B, it looked mutual. Chuck probably saw that too."
"Well duh. I know that, but it's about him not trusting me. Whenever things get tough, he just screws the next thing that walks by. I can't do that; always worry that he'll betray me."
"B, when you left, I thought Chuck would never be the same. And I was right. He did change. I can't believe I'm defending him, but he is different. Yeah, sometimes he reverts to his old ways, but no one's perfect. Even just the past month, he's been happier. He comes home at a reasonable hour, he eats with the family, he smiles more. I'm just worried about him now, that's all."
"So, I'm the bad guy?" Blair gaped. "Poor Chuck, right?"
"I didn't mean it like that Blair," Serena tried to explain.
"You know what Serena? This is the second time Chuck has made me want to die. Do you know how it feels to have the person you love hurt you like that? Chuck can make me feel so bad that I leave the country and yet, he still wins. He's still the good guy!" Blair yelled.
Serena just gaped at her best friend, "Two things. One, Chuck was the reason you left?"
Blair looked at the ground, "He was my last hope for a friend, for support, and he said some things. I'm not going to repeat everything, but I will say that the phrase 'rode hard and put away wet' was thrown around," she answered darkly.
"Oh my God B! I'm so sorry. And two, do you realize what you just said?"
Blair gave Serena a blank look.
"'Do you know how it feels to have the person you love hurt you?'" Serena echoed Blair's words. "You love Chuck."
"No I don't!" Blair said defiantly.
"B you-"
"I do not love Chuck Bass!"
"Whatever you say, Blair, but I just want you to be happy, both of you actually."
"Can we drop this please?" Blair begged.
"For now," Serena said with a smile.
Blair went home and did all of her homework, on a Saturday night. She couldn't get to sleep afterwards. Her head was drowning in thoughts of Chuck. Once again, another sleepless night because of Chuck Bass, and not even in a good way. She loved him? Did she? She thought that maybe it was a possibility, but then got scared and denied everything.
She toyed with the idea of loving Chuck Bass in her mind. If she told him, would he say it back? Was he even capable of love? He had already proved that he couldn't commit. He would never be able to be faithful. What would happen if they were together? He would just cheat. And even if he didn't, would they be happy? Chuck and Blair as a couple; it just didn't seem right. Their dynamic was too abnormal to fit into a relationship.
But, what if he loved her, and what if they worked? It would be perfect. No one else could read her every thought with just one look. No one understood her the way he did. They could communicate without words, they were utterly perfect.
Ugh! It was too confusing. Why did she have to always be thinking about him, no matter what. She wondered if he gave her the same amount of thought. She rolled her eyes at the very thought; it was doubtful.
No! She came to her senses, all of a sudden. She was Blair Waldorf. Didn't she just decide to revert? She was not going to sit around waiting for Chuck Bass to grow up. He had messed around with some dumb blond and broken her heart, again. She would have to ignore him. She couldn't let him hurt her again. No, she had put herself on the line too many times, and she was done.
