I know its been forever. Don't shoot me! I promise regular updates now. I've moved states and my entire household has been sick with one thing after another since november. All better now though!
Leave a review, yea? :D
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Sunday evening, Lily was sitting in front of the fire in her common room when she heard a rather loud banging. She rolled her eyes, leaving her book on the back of the couch.
"What do you want?" Lily asked as she was pushed passed and bombarded with smells. "And did you really just come straight from practice?" Her nose wrinkled in disgust.
"Is that any way to greet your hero?" Sirius asked as Peter followed him through the portrait, mud on his face and hair and very obviously having just ended Quidditch practice. He gently touched a purplish bruise on her cheek.
"When you smell like that, yes," Lily told him.
Remus placed a tray of brownies on the table. "Go uses James' shower, yea?"
Sirius nodded and disappeared.
"Oy! That's my shower too!" Lily said, scurrying towards the bathroom and frantically trying to remember if she'd left any unmentionables out. It was locked. She sighed, defeated. "You can't just come in here and use my shower!"
"I think he just did," Remus said with a smirk as the shower could be heard running.
"Because you told him to!" Lily said. "What the hell is wrong with your own shower? Too filthy?"
"House elves keep it clean," Peter piped up.
"Why do I put up with you people?" Lily asked in a huff.
Remus laughed. "You love us."
"More like you annoy the hell out of me and just won't bugger off." Lily grabbed a treat and sat on the couch.
Remus raised his own half eaten brownie in a mock salute to her from the chair he occupied. "You'd miss us if we left you completely alone."
"Merlin knows why," Lily muttered as they silently ate the plate of treats Remus had brought from the kitchens.
"James didn't leave any clothes? The fuck," they heard Sirius yell five minutes later.
Lily laughed. "Serves him right!"
Sirius finally made an appearance wearing the same jeans and no shirt, Lily shaking her head at him.
"At least you're part way dressed," Remus said mildly, as if Sirius was rarely fully dressed in their dorm. And, Lily thought, he probably didn't.
"Move up," Sirius told Peter, who was sitting on the other end of the couch.
Lily stuck her legs out, so she occupied all the cushions. "Oh no you don't. You are not sitting on this with those pants."
"Lils," Sirius whined playfully. "I'm clean! You don't want me to take these off do you?" He tugged at the waistband of his jeans.
She groaned. She just couldn't win with these guys. " You may have showered, but your clothes are still dirty. You'll be scrubbing your crusty mud off it later,"
Sirius picked up her legs, sat down, and then settled her legs on top of his lap. "Be lucky that's all I'm going to be scrubbing off here,"
Remus and Peter laughed. "Don't be gross," she told him, throwing the rest of her sweet at him. It bounced off his arm and landed on her ankle. Sirius popped the rest of it into his mouth.
"Alright. So, time to get down to business."
"I actually get to know the reason for this visit?" Lily asked sarcastically.
"Patience, Evans," Sirius told her as she rolled her eyes. "There is a reason for our visit."
"For once," Remus added.
The boys fell silent for a moment and Lily looked at them each in turn. Their faces were so serious that suddenly, Lily didn't want to know why they were in her common room. Each set of eyes met hers.
"What's going on?" Lily asked quietly.
"Well.. it was mentioned about you and James sending owls since he's been gone so long with his parents - "
"A month, give or take," Remus corrected.
Sirius waved the interruption away. "But we wanted to know what you knew about it all."
Lily stared. They were here because they wanted to talk about James? "Er.. not much. He mentioned they were sick and dying,"
Remus nodded. "They have something no one has ever heard of in recent times, but it's suspected to be old and no cure, since healers haven't found anything to help it. James is the only child," Lily nodded to this. "So he's having a rough time of it. He's also the only one left in the Potter line. When they go, it's going to be rough."
"More so than it is now," Sirius added.
"I'm following. So far."
"Well, we know how you are, Lily," Sirius said, almost gently.
"What's that supposed to mean?" She frowned.
"Just that you're a bit...er... bossy." Remus said.
"And obsessively controlling." Sirius said.
Lily's jaw dropped. Was that really how everyone saw her? As a bossy, controlling, obsessive freak? Was she really that bad? Sure, she got a bit upset when things were altered, out of place, or flat out wrong, but didn't everyone?
Sirius patted her knee affectionately. "Don't get offended. We know you mean well most of the time, but you tend to try to control situations and this one is out of your hands. Don't make it harder for him by getting involved. Especially since when things don't go your way you get a little..."
"Insensitive." Remus supplied.
"Was gonna say bitchy..." Sirius said, wincing as Lily knocked her foot into his stomach. "Hey! Just being honest! You're not always insensitive or bitchy." He grabbed her foot before she could use it again. "Usually you're very considerate and have a big heart. We know this. We're saying that just now, we need that side of you as James goes through this."
"Well then," Lily said, still mulling over her personality.
"We don't mean like that. We mean, er..." Sirius trailed off.
"Emotionally, you can run someone through the wringer with just your words, Lily," Remus said. " When things dont go your way, get ..pissy and mean. But, James doesn't need that right now. He's got enough to do and worry over that the last thing he would need is you trying to control every second of it."
"So basically I'm to not hate him or call him out on stupid shit?"
"You don't hate him." Sirius said. "Don't lie."
"Never did," Remus added.
Lily conceded. "Okay... so be nice to Potter. Got it."
"Good talk yea?" Sirius said with a grin.
"Yea," she sighed.
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The next morning, Lily sat quietly with her friends. She hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, Sirius and Remus' words echoing in her mind. Was she really that controlling? She didn't think so. She liked things a specific way. She liked rules. What was wrong with that? she frowned.
"You're going to get frown lines, Lily," Mary told her. "Or scowl lines, I guess, if you glare into your porridge any harder."
Marlene laughed. "What's wrong?"
She sighed. "Am I controlling? Or bitchy? Honestly," Lily added, seeing Marlene get a protective gleam in her eye. "Please."
Her friends exchanged glances, which didn't reassure Lily at all.
"You're not controlling! We would never ever call you bitchy or even consider it." Lily threw a doubtful look at Mary. "Well...You can be a bit uptight," Mary said hesitantly.
"But not in a bad way! At all." Marlene said quickly. "You're very organized. And you like being organized and practical. Sometimes it just comes off as controlling. Stand-offish if you will."
"No," Mary corrected. "You're just opinionated and strong minded sometimes. Not stand-offish. Never stand offish." Mary added. "But that's a good thing because you know where you stand and don't sway on the important stuff."
Lily nodded, letting out a depressed sigh and feeling as if she didn't deserve the friends she had. They were so sweet and she was just mean. Rude. Insufferable .Not only to them but a lot of others. Unintentionally, of course, but that fact didn't make her feel any better. Especially when she considered her friends' words against Remus and Sirius' and her treatment of the Marauders as a whole. James Potter was a whole other category she didn't even want to examine at that point. She looked at her friends, who were waiting for her reaction and obviously expecting anger. That made her feel even worse and she felt almost like crying. She watched them a moment, blinking to get rid of the tears and realized one of her friends hadn't actually said anything. "Susan?"
Susan put her fork down and sighed. "You're controlling and stubborn. Bitchy too. Sometimes you need to let things go and laugh. You also tend to get upset when things don't go the way you expect." Susan paused before adding, "I just think you may need to learn to balance your emotions a bit more."
Before Lily could respond to Susan's harsh but honest assessment, a commotion caught their attention. Lily rolled her eyes as Sirius, Remus and Peter came clamoring into the Great Hall stumbling over each other and laughing. They were always creating some kind of disturbance. Half the time it was annoying.
She paused. Maybe she should learn to laugh more. Maybe a personality over-hall was in order. Lily didn't want to be the person her friends had described, but she was. She wanted to be more caring, compassionate. More aware. Less controlling. That would take some work, but she could do it, she was sure.
"Oy, Evans!" Sirius said as they headed over.
"Do they have to sit with us all the time now?" Susan sighed. "They act like lost puppies since Potter left."
Lily shrugged. Sirius sat next to her, Remus across and next to Mary. Peter sat on the other side of Marlene.
"What's for breakfast?" Sirius peered at her bowl and made a disgusted face. "This is not breakfast, Evans." He whisked her bowl away and proceeded to fill a plate with things he thought she would like and should be eating.
"I already ate," Lily said, watching him pile bacon, eggs, ham, cantaloupe, biscuits and toast on the plate.
"Bollocks." Sirius said. "That bowl of useless slop wasn't even touched." He set the plate in front of him and held up toast. "Tastes good," he taunted. Lily rolled her eyes.
"Is this our morning habit now?" Mary asked annoyed. "You trying to force feed Lily? It's a rather old habit that should never have existed to start."
"Only looking out for our dear Head Girl," Sirius grinned.
"James would kill us if we didn't," Peter supplied.
A collective groan ran through the group. Lily snatched the toast Sirius had been waving in front of her nose and bit. When he opened his mouth to tease her, she shoved the rest of the bread into his mouth. "Stuff it," she told him.
Seeing Sirius nearly choke, Marlene grinned. "At least he shut up,"
"Not for long," Mary lightly elbowed her and nodded to the doors. James Potter had just entered.
Lily watched as James paused just inside the doors, obviously searching for his mates. His hair looked even more unkempt than usual. She also noticed the faint bags under his eyes that she hadn't noticed Friday. He seemed more reserved too. Lily thought back to the letters they had exchanged. He hadn't told her much, but surely something like that would weigh on a seventeen year old. And it seemed that it had. She watched as his eyes scanned the Gryffindor table, knowing the instant he realized who his friends were with as he stiffened his spine. It made him a few inches taller and his chest puffed out. She read the signs. It was because of her. He didn't want to be near her.. And after the entire weekend she'd had, Lily couldn't blame him. She owed him an apology for Friday.
But it was so much more than that now too. She owed him many many apologies that she had never given him over the years. She'd been rude, butting in, and trying to control things he did for as long as she could remember. Especially when he bullied Severus. Obviously the end of her 5th year hadn't served as the lesson it was supposed to have been a year and a half ago. With two short, but heavy, conversations in her mind, she could see now that she'd stepped in - always had stepped in - to control situations of all kinds when she really hadn't needed to.
Lily sighed as James made his way over, despite his reluctance. She owed him an apology, but she needed to get herself together before attempting it. A slight overhaul of her personality was in order. Then she could make the wrongs right.
