Summary:
Naruto runs an underground newspaper called 'The Daily Ramen', focused on poking fun of the fragile egos of the rich and famous. How does Sasuke respond when he moves to town and gets in Naruto's crosshairs? Not particularly well. But who says arguing can't be foreplay? Sasuke x Naruto (Yaoi boy x boy)
Author's note: Noodles and I finally finished The Worst Shift! Hooray! So now I am picking this back up. I don't know exactly the frequency I will be updating until I get Deception FINALLY done (please god) but I don't plan on posting any new fics until I finish the three I am currently working on. So I will try to focus. And now the dates of the newspaper will be off, because I don't want to do a timeskip yet in this fic. *sighs* Well, it was fun to be 'real-time' while it lasted.
Special thanks to WordWriter and Raz for reading this over, chatting with me, and getting me re-inspired on this story.
-xXx-
The Daily Ramen, December 15
OUR DUMB WORLD - Things that are going on in other places that you couldn't care less about. Weekly international and political news column by Nara Shikamaru
As we count down to the New Year, I have been reflecting on things I learned in the past year. For example, the US government this year clarified for me that 'money' is in fact 'speech', at least when it comes to politics. I have decided to extend this philosophy to my personal life. So the next time I pay a hooker, I can tell the police officer that I am just giving her a compliment. And if I decide to not pay my water bill, I can simply state that I am just 'not talking to' my utility companies that month. I really like this idea, the more I think about it. We have to introduce similar legislation in Japan.
IN OTHER NEWS - If you think you didn't care about Nara's stuff, you REALLY won't care about this. Weekly local news column by Uzumaki Naruto
In a move to drive more international tourism, the city of Wakayama's tourism federation recently translated their site and marketing materials into English. In order to make the name of their organization more 'user friendly', they helpfully created an acronym based on the name of their organization The Wakayama Tourism Federation. You guessed it. They named themselves WTF. English-speaking visitors can download 'WTF sights to see', 'WTF suggestions on things to do', and my personal favorite: 'WTF things to eat' while visiting Wakayama. Um…. guys. Word of advice. Hire a native English speaker if you're gonna do this shit. The acronym WTF is already firmly taken. And it doesn't stand for Wayakama Tourism Federation.
I SAW WHAT YOU DID THERE - Seriously, people. If you don't know what you're doing sexually, can you please just keep it in your own bedrooms? Weekly column by Hyuuga Hinata
With the release of movie version of 50 Shades of Grey (and the numerous jokes about people planning to go with 'their phones set on vibrate') I have been hanging out a good bit at the theatre recently. I have to say that seeing people making out to an almost porno in public does have a different vibe than watching them do it during the horror movies that you usually associate with that sort of behavior. Both tend to have low bars in terms of plot, so you don't miss much if you are sucking face with your date. But if you're going to make out, please don't be sloppy. Sucking face isn't supposed to literally mean slurping loudly like you're drinking from a straw at each other's lips. I was conveniently sitting in the back row of the theater, enjoying the various sources of entertainment around me. Unfortunately, the couple next to me must have had some sort of salivary gland issues. The amount of slurping and smacking noises that was coming from their mouths (and I did check… hands were all above the waist, so there was no other possible source of the slurping noises) was just not normal. No matter how hot your partner is, constant drool like that is just not sexy. And even though the dialogue of the movie was pretty lame, I did at least want to hear some of it.
DUMBASS OF THE DAY - Because some people are just so dumb, they really do deserve an award for it. Weekly award by Inuzuka Kiba
I get that it's fun to take selfies and post them, especially if you can manage to embarrass some of your friends in the process. But you have to remember that once you post them they are public. Which means that people you don't necessarily want to see them might do so. One local twenty-year-old thought it was funny to snap a selfie of himself holding up his friend who was unconscious and drooling after taking an overdose of his mom's Vicodin. A half an hour later he dropped the ODing friend off at a hospital and drove away. But the police happened to find the Instagram. And now the dude's in jail. And our dumbass of the day. Way to go, bra.
BAD SHIT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU - But at least now you know. Weekly horoscope by Aburame Shino
To the Roosters: if you want to make friends with professional wrestlers, you need to have more folding chairs around your house. It will make them feel more at home when they want to smash something over your head. To the Rats: Despite your attempts to make it look like an accident, investigators will see through your thinly veiled attempt to set fire to your boss. Come up with a new plan. To all the rest: I have nothing to say to you. Not even the rabbits.
SPORTS NEWS! - Sports are a celebration of endless youth! Join me in reveling in them! Weekly column by Rock Lee!
I cannot believe it! It is the best, most amazing fitness trend ever! The 50 Shades of Grey inspired smut-fest has spilled over into exercise! Dominatrixes are offering their talents to drive true performance motivation in gym classes! The fad that began in New York and LA has landed in Konoha! I am… beside myself with youthful vigor! I have already filled my schedule for the next month! I am hoping to book several private sessions! I will break the internet with my testimony of its benefits next week!
-xXx-
"No. That's not what I said, and it's not what I meant. And if you'd stuck around to let me explain instead of running off like a fucking girl, then I could have explained it to you."
Naruto eyed Sasuke warily. "I'm listening," Naruto said.
Sasuke opened his mouth to speak, but the knob on the door rattled and an older man with grey hair entered, looking at Naruto's unbuttoned shirt and the way Sasuke was standing much closer than normally considered socially acceptable. "S-sorry, Uchiha-sama. I thought I saw Sabaku-sama come in here. I had some business to discuss with him," the man said obsequiously.
Sasuke arched a brow, daring the man to indicate that anything sordid was going on. After all, he wasn't the one who had unbuttoned Naruto's shirt.
Naruto stood casually, completely unfazed, and offered, "Gaara just left. I think he went back to the party. I'd check over by the bar."
The man nodded nervously, then seemed to recognize Naruto from the little performance he'd put on with Gaara earlier in the evening. "You… you seemed to know Sabaku-sama quite well," the man said, licking his lips nervously. His tone of voice indicated a disbelief that anyone could actually get to know the terrifying young redhead in any capacity, much less "well".
Naruto snickered at the man's expression. God, he loved being Gaara's friend. People were always so freaked out about it. "Gaara? Yeah, he and I go way back. Don't let him scare you. Just give him a big hug and ask him whatever you need to."
Sasuke rolled his eyes and the older man choked at the idea of hugging any business partner, but particularly a homicidal, extremely influential one who could end his career aspirations in three seconds flat. He looked with wild eyes to Sasuke, who merely shrugged, seemingly bored with the conversation. The man had already approached Sasuke earlier in the evening hoping he would agree to invest in a business venture he was proposing. Sasuke had declined. He seriously doubted that Gaara would be any more lenient, but the man was certainly welcome to try. Especially since that would take the man out of the library so Sasuke could finish his conversation with Naruto.
Sasuke was much more interested in the characterization that Naruto had given his relationship with the redhead. Both his words and his tone indicated a friendship. A strong one, but still… just friends. He remembered Naruto saying he was going to show Gaara something. Given what he knew about the blond, Sasuke was guessing it was the T-shirt he was wearing under his dress shirt. The thought made his lips twitch.
So Naruto wasn't after Itachi, and he wasn't after Gaara. That lessened the chance of Naruto being yet another gold-digger, and Sasuke found himself relaxing slightly. He usually could see the social climbers coming from a mile away, and it had pissed him off more than he had expected it to when he thought Naruto had fooled him so easily.
The older man was busy bowing and making a hasty retreat, clearly deeming Naruto insane for suggesting any sort of physical contact with Gaara, under any circumstances. Sasuke turned back to see Naruto chuckling softly as he buttoned up his shirt. He had to admit he had found it mildly entertaining as well, though Sasuke was used to terrifying people all on his own. He had no need for additional associations to send people scurrying. He frowned at the door that the man had just exited through. Speaking of terrifying, he was pretty sure he had seen his uncle Madara here this evening. Of all his uncles, Madara was the worst. And the most diligent. He seemed to take perverse pleasure in decimating any potential threats to his nephews.
Sasuke knew he'd better not spend too much time alone in the library with Naruto if he was going to stay off Madara's radar. Or some other nosy observer. At these types of events, everyone's movements were tracked and monitored as people looked for signals of possible deals or alliances. It was annoying to have to live life in a glass box, but Sasuke had become adept at it.
Naruto looked over to see Sasuke frowning at the door, and the amusement in his blue eyes faded to show a bit of anger. "Careful, Uchiha. Someone might get the wrong idea finding you alone in a library with another man," Naruto mocked, giving a significant glance to the door which had been partially left ajar. "You'd better get back in your closet."
"Tch, idiot. You're the one who'd have to watch out. My family already knows I'm gay. I don't give a fuck about that," Sasuke adjusted the cuff of his shirt in annoyance, though his eyes did linger slightly on Naruto's fingers as they nimbly re-fastened the buttons of his shirt.
Naruto paused, wondering for a moment if Sasuke was threatening him. "What do you mean 'I'd have to watch out'?"
Sasuke sighed, running a hand through his hair. This was why he avoided speaking most of the time. Words were annoyingly easy to take the wrong way. Which Naruto's narrowed eyes were telling him was happening now. Again. But at least this time Sasuke was fully clothed, and he could make sure Naruto heard him out. "My family is old money."
Naruto bristled, thinking Sasuke was about to warn him off 'outing' him despite what he said about his family already knowing, but Sasuke was continuing. "I don't care about social status or whether someone's bank account is on par with mine. I have enough money to support myself and an entire harem if I wanted it. But I also don't want to get involved with gold-diggers. And my family is a bit… overprotective on that point. We have been the target of social climbers for generations, and my uncles aren't shy about discouraging them. The one time they found out about someone I was having sex with, they turned his life inside-out between financial audits, background checks, and very thinly veiled threats on what would happen to him if they ever found out he was just after my money."
Naruto processed this. He had pretty good bullshit radar, and Sasuke wasn't setting off any alarms. He supposed it would make sense for a family to be overprotective on that front, given the amount of money at stake. And he could appreciate Sasuke's honesty at least in disclosing this potential complication of getting involved with him and his crazy, overprotective uncles lurking in the wings. He was willing to give the guy points for that. Sasuke had already seen what his friends at the newspaper were capable of, thanks to his special birthday issue, so at least he wouldn't have to reciprocate the warning. He supposed that made them equal, in some ways. Feeling his anger dissipate a little, he leaned back against the bookshelf, crossing his arms behind his head and letting his mouth relax into a slight smile.
"Yeah, well…. I'm not after anything with you. I just wanted to grab a coffee, not ask for you to bear my child. Shit," Naruto realized that maybe he and Sasuke were in the same place. Verbal expression clearly wasn't one of Sasuke's strong suits given the way he'd gone about saying it in the locker room, but at least the intent wasn't what it had seemed at the time. Sasuke had just been trying to tell Naruto he wasn't looking for something serious. Which was the same reason Naruto had wanted to have coffee with Sasuke before anything happened. So there wouldn't be any misunderstanding on what he was able to offer at the moment. If Sasuke had been looking for something serious right off the bat, Naruto would have needed to walk away. He didn't use people or lead them on. And evidently, neither did Sasuke.
It actually made it much simpler since they both were evidently looking for the same thing.
Of course, Naruto wasn't going to let the 'gold digger' implication slide. "And for the record, I don't like you for your money. I have my sugar daddy that lives in your apartment building for that, remember? Actually, I really can't think of anything I like about you at all," Naruto gave a lopsided grin, his eyes drifting casually over Sasuke's form.
Sasuke smirked, his body posture relaxing a bit as they fell into their familiar banter. He realized that he had actually missed it. Surprisingly. "That's good. I don't do sloppy seconds from my neighbors anyway. And I don't see much to like about you either," Sasuke said in a bored tone, belied only by the intensity of his dark eyes.
A man's voice drifted in from the partially open library door, reminding Sasuke of where they were. He thought quickly and pulled out his business card, writing his number on the back of it and flicking it over to Naruto. The blond caught it with a downward swipe of his hand and an annoyed glare. "If you feel like discussing our mutual dislike of each other in private sometime, you can give me a call. Just don't show up at my office with a bouquet of fucking flowers," Sasuke said, his eyes lit with dry humor.
"Tch, like I'd ever give an ass like you flowers," Naruto looked at the neat, perfect handwritten numbers on the back of the smooth, formal business card. "Don't pine away waiting for my call."
"Not in this lifetime, dumbass," Sasuke turned and headed back out to do his minimal duty as co-host of the company party. Naruto saw the small smile playing on the man's lips as he left the library when he turned and added, "But I'm leaving on a business trip in the first week of January."
It was a deadline, of sorts. Naruto knew that if he didn't call Sasuke before then, the man would assume he was no longer interested and likely move on.
Naruto ran his index finger, feeling the embossed lettering on the small square of expensive vellum. He watched from the doorway as Sasuke walked fluidly across the room and greeted a group of serious looking businessmen, all of whom immediately bowed deferentially to him. Naruto carefully slid the card into the front pocket of his shirt. Somehow he got the feeling that Sasuke didn't give out his personal number very frequently. The thought made him hum a bit as he walked into the main room, scanning the crowd for the three people he had promised TenTen he would try to talk to for her charity.
Naruto had finished his obligations for the evening, and was scanning the crowd to see if Gaara were still there. He had missed the redhead, and decided he didn't really want to wait until tomorrow to catch up if he could find the man before he left. He felt a prickle along his spine and turned to see another man looking at him from across the room. He looked like a much older version of Sasuke and Itachi, and Naruto assumed that this was one of the crazy uncles that Sasuke had mentioned.
The man's gaze lingered assessingly on Naruto for a moment, then shifted and found both Sasuke and Itachi circulating in the room. His gaze lost its threatening air as he went back to the conversation he was having with the group of important-looking men surrounding him.
Naruto began to have a vague idea of what Sasuke was concerned about.
He shrugged off the prickle of nerves, given that he had no desire to take financial advantage of either of the Uchiha brothers. He turned and headed over to Gaara, who he found leaning against the bar, enjoying his solitude. He raised a brow as Naruto approached. "Hey. Sorry about earlier. Sasuke and I had had a misunderstanding that needed to be cleared up. When did you start working with the Uchihas? Last I heard you were in New York setting up your family's new branch there. It sucks you're only here for three days."
Naruto ignored the covert glances people cast him as he walked over and sat right next to Gaara, grinning at the redhead happily.
"I've been on the board of Uchiha Financial for the past three years, but they just moved their headquarters to Konoha this year. Mostly I've been in New York, but I come back every month or so for business. Usually I'm not in town long enough to do anything social, but since the end of the year is coming up, I thought I'd take a few days to relax."
Naruto snickered a bit at the thought of a social Gaara. He had met Gaara only because he was Sasori's cousin. They had hit it off immediately, much to the shock of everyone, especially Sasori. Naruto had sometimes wondered what would have happened if he had met Gaara first, but there was too much baggage now to ever go that route. Gaara had been there for Naruto when things had been at their worst with Sasori.
"Where are you staying while you're in town?"
Gaara shrugged. "Four Seasons," he took a sip of his drink.
Naruto rolled his eyes. "Boring. Come stay with me."
Gaara raised a hairless eyebrow. "Hmmm. Let's see. Sleeping on a king-sized bed with high thread count sheets, stacks of pillows, room service, and a concierge I can terrorize vs. sleeping on your sofa with questionable levels of hygiene, a throw blanket, and eating instant ramen."
Naruto grinned. "So… you're coming over, right?"
Gaara finished his drink. "Of course. We'll have to go by my room to get my bags."
Sasuke was standing off to one side of the room, trying to avoid the daughters of several members of their board of executives who had been trying to corner him. He wished he could have just asked Naruto to leave with him and go grab a drink, but Itachi would have killed him if he'd left early. Not to mention that half the room had likely noticed him step into the library after Gaara and Naruto, and would have taken note if they'd left at the same time. He'd given Naruto the CliffsNotes version of the issues with his family, and the boundaries it placed on any potential interactions between them. He'd let Naruto make the call as to whether he was interested in anything after this.
Sasuke felt a presence at his shoulder and was not surprised to find Itachi standing there.
"You seem less annoyed than you did earlier, Otouto," Itachi said casually.
Sasuke shrugged, looking out over the sea of guests, careful not to let his gaze drift too frequently to one of the only blonds in the room. "Why did you want it to appear as though Naruto was here as your date?"
Itachi took a sip of his drink, his long, elegant fingers supporting the crystal tumbler with practiced ease. "Why would the idea of Naruto being my date annoy you?"
Sasuke said nothing for a moment. Then, "Uncle Madara is here this evening. Did you really want to subject Naruto to that kind of scrutiny?"
Itachi arched a perfect eyebrow. "Worried about him?"
"I just think it's a bit callous of you to involve random strangers in these little games you like to play with me," Sasuke said, unable to keep the slight edge from creeping into his voice.
Amusement shone in Itachi's eyes. "How noble of you. If it makes you feel better, I had already informed Uncle Madara the purpose for Naruto's presence here."
"Hn," Sasuke said, feeling somewhat appeased. His eyes were fixed on the crowd, blatantly ignoring the assessing look that Itachi was giving him.
"It looks like Naruto is leaving with Sabaku-san. I had thought the two of you would spend a little time together this evening," Itachi said after a moment.
Sasuke took another sip of his drink. "Why would I? He has nothing to do with our business."
Itachi was too controlled to give in to the desire to sigh, but Sasuke felt the sentiment anyway. It almost made him smile, but he suppressed it since smiling would destroy the air of 'not caring' that he was trying to pull off. The last thing he wanted was Itachi playing matchmaker any more than he already was, even if it did imply that Itachi approved of Naruto at least on some level. It would make things easier if Itachi wasn't dead set against him. Sasuke nodded to one of the heads of their financial derivatives business unit and walked over to make the obligatory small talk and show of personal interest. He could feel Itachi's eyes on him the entire time.
It was going to be a long evening.
Naruto and Gaara lay on the floor of Naruto's small living room, game controllers in hand.
The blond watched as the redhead's character scaled the walls of the elaborate palace before diving down to take out six guards in less than three second.
"Sweet!" Naruto said. "Shit, I forgot how good you are at Assassin's Creed. Shikamaru always falls asleep when we play. And Lee and Kiba are just too spastic to get a strategy right." Naruto pause as his character took a swan dive off the cathedral-like tower to land softly on his feet before taking out the palace guards on the ground floor. "Hinata's pretty good, though," he said thoughtfully, the tip of his tongue sticking out as he used his phantom blade to kill the head guard before dropping down from the mezzanine and walking calmly up to Gaara's character.
Gaara's eyes flicked briefly to the side as their characters crept through the hallways. "So. You and Uchiha?" He twisted his wrists and his character thrust a knife up under the chin of a guard that had come around the corner unexpectedly.
Naruto pretended to focus on the game for a few minutes, picking a lock then sneaking into a room and cutting down three more guards. Despite Gaara's eyes staying on the TV, Naruto could feel the man waiting for his reply. Gaara was the one person Naruto could talk freely about this. Even a corpse couldn't keep a secret as well as Gaara.
"I don't know," Naruto said, thinking about the card he had placed carefully on his nightstand when they'd gotten back from the Uchihas' party. "We have this… weird thing going."
From the corner of his eye, Naruto saw a hairless brow lift in enquiry.
"We met sort of at random, and mostly just really piss each other off, but…"
"But?" Gaara prodded.
"But I guess… there's this weird attraction that just… is really intense and sort of feeds off the fighting."
Gaara smirked at that. Those types of relationships were more Gaara's style. He had only known Naruto after he had begun dating Sasori so he didn't know what Naruto's dating pattern had really been before that.
"A lot of people think the Uchihas are attractive. I didn't think you were the type to just go for looks, though." Gaara's voice was inflectionless, reflecting intellectual curiosity rather than any sort of judgment.
Naruto grumbled something under his breath.
Gaara bit back a snicker. "What was that?"
"It's not just his looks. He's… sort of funny. In a dry, assholish kind of way. He's…" Naruto didn't really know what adjective he was looking for. "... Interesting," he finished lamely.
"Hm," Gaara said noncommittally. "So… you're together?"
"No. We barely know each other. I'm not looking for a relationship yet. And he's already told me that…" Naruto paused as they cleared another room of guards. "... that, given his family situation, he really isn't looking to date either."
They played in silence a bit. Then Gaara clarified, "So you're just fucking, then?" His voice reflected no opinion on the matter. He was far from romantic himself, and didn't see the need for anyone else to be, either. He thought it was probably good for Naruto to slowly get used to the dating scene again without jumping into something too heavy on the relationship side right away. And Sasuke was different enough from Sasori to put Gaara at ease that Naruto would fall into another self-destructive relationship. Sasuke was unlikely to get high on coke and throw a washing machine at Naruto. Unlike Sasori.
Naruto blushed, and he pushed the buttons on the controller with slightly more force than was absolutely necessary.
"No," he said somewhat defensively, then paused. "Not yet. He gave me his number. It's sort of… a standing offer, I guess."
Gaara nodded. "I think that's good. You can ease back into dating. It's safe, with clear boundaries. You can keep it casual and not worry about hurting each other. And he's not a junkie. And he interests you on other levels."
Naruto felt somewhat reassured by Gaara's words. At least he and Sasuke had somewhat cleared the air. They were both in the same place: feeling the intense attraction, finding each other interesting, but not looking to jump into a serious relationship. Sasuke had already seen Sasori and had clearly drawn the correct conclusion about Naruto coming out of a messy break-up. And Naruto now knew about Sasuke's insane family and the man's desire to avoid anything serious or public.
They were both adults, walking into this with their eyes open. It could be good. Interesting company, fierce sexual attraction, and no expectations.
As long as no one found out. The last thing Naruto wanted to was end up in his own fucking newspaper again. Or being targeted by one of Sasuke's psycho uncles.
Now all Naruto had to figure out is what the fuck to say to Sasuke when he decided to finally make the call
-xXx-
to be continued…
Credits and comments on the column: Yes, the 50 shades fitness craze is TRUE (I heard it advertised on my way to work, and it is discussed in Shape magazine as well). The WTF is based on a true story I heard about the Wisconsin Tourism Federation… and they don't even have the benefit of English not being their first language. Dumbass was a nomination who wished to remain anonymous. LOL.
ALSO - I have had several readers tell me that they don't like yaoi but read this for the articles/humor. Just as a warning, starting next chapter there will be most likely be sex, so… you might want to stop reading now, or just don't go past the articles if boyxboy sex isn't your thing. This fic will be about 17 chapters, and most of them will have sex from here on out. Don't complain about it… you've been warned.
