Perfect Paradise
Disclaimer: I did this already. On with the show.
Chapter 9: An Unsuspected End
The minute I said the name, my views were blocked as a tall figure stood in front of me. One of his hands spread to the side as if preventing Renji to come any closer.
"Ichigo…" now I was whispering his name.
"What do you want?" Ichigo growled to Renji who was slowly ascending from the stair, his tattooed eyebrows knitted together.
"Who the fuck are you?" was what Renji said before craning his neck to the side to catch my eyes, "Who is this brat, Rukia?"
"The name's Kurosaki Ichigo, and I am no brat, asshole," Ichigo spat before I could even formed an answer.
"Ichigo?" Renji's face twisted as he tried hard to contain his laughter, "Rukia, you're picking up scattered fruit on the street?"
The only answer he received was a beastly growl before Ichigo lunged at the taller man.
It was not easy to restrain two men, especially when they were taller, heavier, and obviously stronger than you, but that was exactly what I was doing. Just before their fist collided, I managed to stand between them desperately trying to prevent any blood spill by placing each of my palms on their chest.
"What is it with you men?!" I yelled and glaring at the two idiots on each end, "Are you planning on throwing punches as soon as you laid eyes on each other? Now apologize!!"
The two men looked down on me with their eyes wide. Whether it was caused by disbelief or hesitance, I didn't give a damn. I crossed my arms and kept on glaring needles to them.
"Renji!" I barked at him.
He startled for a second before finally muttering, "Sorry."
"Ichigo!" the grin that plastered his face less than a millisecond before faded in an instant.
"What?!" he barked back at me.
"Apologize!"
"But Rukia…!"
"Ichigo…!" I could felt a vain popped on my forehead.
"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. There, you happy?" he crossed his hands and pouted like a two-year old.
I had to bit back a smile and the urge to reach out to caress his cute expression. So I cleared my throat instead and turned to face Renji.
"Now, what are you doing here?" his appearance wasn't exactly the best way to end the day that I had in mind.
"I…" he began and glared over my head, obviously to Ichigo, "… want to talk to you."
"Okay, spill it out."
"Not here," he rushed, "At least somewhere private."
I sighed. Did I really need this? This vacation turned out better than I thought it would be. Why did this man have to come?
"Look, Renji. Whatever it is you need to discuss with me, can't it wait until we're back at the office?" I rubbed my temples.
"It's not about work. It's… personal matters."
A sigh escaped my lips as my shoulder slumped, "Don't you think it's two weeks too late for that?"
"Please… Rukia…"
Shit. I was always vulnerable to his begging eyes.
Looking down to his disheveled form, I let myself sigh once more. We were friends for as long as we both could remember, at least I owe him that much.
When I turn to face Ichigo, I saw him still standing behind me. His hands weren't crossed anymore, and his eyes shone in something akin to… hurt?
"I'm sorry, Ichigo. But I think I should listen to him just this once," I smiled at him.
He smiled back at me, but I could saw his jaw clenched as he lowered his head and kiss the tip of my nose.
"Sure," he muttered. And without another word, he hop back to his scooter and drove away.
Somehow I felt my heart clenched watching his retreating form, but I swatted the feeling away.
---
"So? You said you have something to say to me?"
Renji just sat on the couch, staring at the coffee table for the last 10 minutes since we entered my room. At first I was going to use the living room at the first floor, but then again, my bedroom also had a living room, and more importantly, a fridge filled with cold bottled water.
I gasped and the water bottle I was holding almost toppled when he suddenly rose from his seat and walked over to where I sat. On reflex, I raised my hands and a leg in a defense mode.
"What do you want?" I frowned at him towering above me.
Without any warning, he dropped on his knees before pressing his palms and forehead on the floor.
"I'm sorry, Rukia!!" he yelled out to the floor.
Shocked, I froze.
"I know I hurt you, you can hate me for the rest of your life for that. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. But I want you to know that I am sorry," he blurted.
Not even giving me a chance to answer, he continued.
"I was being a bastard, taking advantage over you, treating you… like… like…" he stopped, his head raised from the floor.
"When I met Haruka, I knew that she was the one for me. But for some sick reason, I couldn't stop myself from seeing you every night."
Ever since I heard about his engagement, I had played the scenes where I got the chance to confront Renji about the problem. And from those scenes, I had so many things I wanted to say. Dirty and foul words, questions, chastising words. But it all slipped out of my brain, leaving me dumbstruck on my seat.
"I don't care if you hate me for the rest of your life, but please, don't hate Haruka for my sins to you. Haruka was the most gentle and fragile being I have ever met."
"So what? You want me to keep quiet about our previous… engagement?" I hissed.
Renji's eyes widened as it met mine, but he shifted away his gaze back to the floor.
"I know I am selfish. But please, Rukia."
So I was right after all. He came to protect his woman.
"And you don't think that you'll hurt me just by saying that?"
He refused to answer but bowed even lower.
"You're one sick selfish man, you know that?" my tone started to rise.
"I know."
"Yet you still had the nerve to say it," weren't I over him already?
"Rukia, I…" he rose from the floor. His eyes changed back to the usual Renji I knew.
"You think by coming here will settle the problems we have? Do you actually think that?!" I yelled out.
"Rukia, I…"
"Do you not know how my heart hurts every time I think about you? Do you not know how frustrated I was, knowing the man I love engaged with another woman? Do you…"
"Did you really love me Rukia?" he yelled back at me, his chest heaved.
"What?"
"I ask you, did you ever really love me?" he said it softer this time.
"What do you mean did I ever really love you," I laughed, "of course I love…"
I trailed off. Was I? It was definitely love, wasn't it?
"When did you realize that you love me? When we were kids? When we started working together? When we started having sex?" he inquired.
"I…," I frowned. His question caught me off, "What does that have to do with all this?"
"Because," he paused, "Because I don't think you ever love me like you thought you were."
He sounded hurt. Wait, he sounded hurt? He was the one who was engaged to another woman, but why did he treat himself like he was the victim? I was ready to retort with a harsh answer, but he beat me to it.
"I was always come second for you, your work was always your first priority. I thought that was what I like about you. Your strong, independent personality was what I always love ever since we were kids. But, no matter how much I hate to say it, I am also a man. I, too, need a woman who needs me, someone I need to take care of, someone to protect."
He reached out his hand and caressed my cheek.
"And you, my lovely Rukia, are a fighter. I've always chasing after you and it took me this long to finally realize that you are way beyond my league. What you felt for me wasn't love, Rukia. What you felt for me was safe. The safe feelings that you didn't need to always look behind your shoulder to see if I was a threat. But that was it. I realize that you don't need me as much I need you. You don't me to take care of you. You don't need my protection. That was when I felt… defeated," he smiled before letting his hand dropped to his side.
"And when I was on my lowest point as a man, I met Haruka. What I couldn't find on you, I found on her. Don't get me wrong, you are a great woman, but she… she was the one who could made me feel… well, a man."
His face blushed. And suddenly, the image of 15-year-old boy with a freshly tattooed forehead popped into my mind. That was the last time I saw his face so… alive. And now, 9 years later, was the first time I saw the same expression on his face. Renji had finally met the woman of his dream.
"I am very sorry it all turned out like this. It was all my fault. I thought it was best for you if you hate me. I still don't think you'll ever forgive me for all that. But at least I want to explain. I want you to know. Please, forgive me. Because you are the one friend I cannot afford to loose," Renji ended his explanation, his eyes pleaded to me.
It was hard for me to accept. My ego had kept preventing me to see the truth all this long. But seeing Renji, who was always proud no matter the situation was, kneeling before me begging for my forgiveness had wiped my ego from my vision.
Ever since I had Kuchiki as my last name, everything I did was based upon the thought that it will please my brother. And somewhere along the road, I guess became what I dreaded to be, my brother. A workaholic and emotionless robot. I became a lawyer because I wanted Byakuya to acknowledge me as an individual, not just some garbage he picked up from the trash. I guess having that as my objective could make me pushed other aspects of my life aside.
And that included Renji.
He hurt me, that was true. But I hurt him too. We both stumbled on what it seemed like love and hurt each other in the process. I knew I was being selfish if I wanted him to hurt after this. After he found the love of his life. The love that had brought back his lively expression. We were friends a long time ago and I, too, didn't want to loose him as a friend. He mattered to me as much as Rangiku. They both played an important role in my life. And I'll be damned if I let him go. But still, I had one thing left to do.
"Get up," I commanded softly.
Renji's face fell as he rose to his feet.
As we both stood up, I balled my fist and deliver a swift punch across his face making him landed on the floor – much to the shock rather from the force, I guess. He stared at me wide-eyed from the floor.
"That's for deceiving me all this long," I said as I offered my hand to help him back to his feet, which he reluctantly accepted.
"I think I owe you a congratulation."
"Huh?" he said while wiping away a drop of blood from the corner of his mouth.
"And you owe me a decent introduction to your fiancée," I smiled to him.
Another shocked expression formed on Renji's face before it slowly turned into an understanding one, and he smiled back to me.
"Thanks, Rukia…"
"Friends don't say thanks or sorry to each other," I raised my hand to stop him, "Now just get out of here. Kwan will gladly provide you with a room. We can't possibly share a room again now can we?"
Renji let out a laugh and slowly headed to the door, "I guess we can't. Good night, Rukia."
"Good night, Renji." I waved at him before the door shut in silence, leaving me alone.
Not really sure what to do, I walked out to the balcony.
"Ah…. I got dumped, again," I chuckled to the flickered star as I leaned to the railings on the balcony.
"You really are a hopeless woman," a voice startled my from behind, causing me to jump at least 5 inches to the air.
I spun my body around to see Ichigo leaning to the wall beside the door leading to the room.
"Jeez, you almost gave me a heart attack!" I punched him in the arm as he walked closer.
"You're satisfied with just a punch?" he said suddenly after a few minutes of silence.
"Huh?"
"That pineapple friend of yours, are you satisfied with just a punch? I mean, he did dump you twice. I… can teach him a lesson… or two," he shrugged.
I snorted, "No. It's enough. Besides, I don't want to have to drag your ass to the hospital."
"Hey!!! I…"
"Where the hell did you came from, anyway?" I cut him off before he said anything.
"I climbed the balcony," Ichigo pointed with his thumb.
"What are you, Spiderman?" I sneered.
"I would prefer Romeo," he rested his back against the railings, our arms brushed.
"Ah," I smiled as I gaze at the dark sea and put up my best tragic-façade, shouting, "O, Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name. Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet."
Or so what I remember from the play.
"Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?" Ichigo whispered Romeo's dialogue with a smile.
I lifted an eyebrow, "That's a surprise. Shakespeare-reading bartender/dive-lodge-owner/sailor?"
"I do smarter than I looked," his cocky grin reappeared.
"Ah, so you do admit you look stupid then."
That erased his grin as fast as it appeared.
"Smart-ass," Ichigo hissed.
"So, how come a bartender/dive-lodge-owner/sailor reads Shakespeare?"
"Aren't you tired saying all that? Anyways, his works are incredible. I finally bought a whole set of them during college days."
"Eh? You went to college?" my eyes widened hearing at the new info.
Ichigo snorted.
"I told you, I do smarter…" he glanced at me, obviously remembering my previous comment, "I do smart. As a matter of fact, I have a master degree in business."
"Eh? You're kidding me," I said that just a little too loud than I had intended.
"Just because I run a diving lodge doesn't mean I'm undereducated," he rolled his eyes.
"No, that's not what I meant. What I meant was, um… I thought you'll be… I mean, you can have all those fancy jobs at the Caymans. But why…" I trailed off.
"Why did I stay on this island running a dive lodge?" Ichigo finished the sentence for me.
I nod.
"Because I can't leave this sea," he said with a gentle smile towards the ocean. His eyes sparkled with an evident affection.
"I tried to. I spent almost three months working at the Cayman Bank. But all the time, all I could think was how much I missed this sea. Not just any Caribbean sea or beaches, but this one," Ichigo said again.
I was awed by his innocent confession that for a moment I was at lost for words.
He glanced at me and his cheeks turned red, "But this island is filled with people like me. Zan, Yoruichi, Urahara, Chad, Mizuiro, Keigo, Ishida, my father. Sometimes it's quite painful for me to remember that I lost someone I love to something I also love. Yet, I still find it hard to leave all this behind. That was why I used my life savings to build the lodge. Not a very cool thing to say, huh?" he chuckled at the memory.
"I envy you," I said at last.
"Me? Why?" he knitted his eyebrows.
"Because you're making money by doing something you love."
"You… don't love your job?"
I shook my head, "I never really think about it. But when I decided what I wanted to be, it was not because I really wanted to. The only reason was because I wanted to please nii-sama. Didn't I tell you before, that doing what I actually like is a privilege I cannot have. The fact that I'm good at what I do now is just a bonus for me," I laughed bitterly.
"So just run away," he grinned.
"Ah, a carefree kid like you won't understand what grownups like me think," was what I said.
But the man just laughed.
"Are you that desperate to be older than I am?"
"I am older than you, orange brat," I pouted.
"Then stop acting like a kid and behave more like your age," Ichigo slid his arms across my stomach before pulling me closer to him.
"And what kind of behavior are we talking about?"
"Mm… Let's see… maybe you can start by moaning my name?" he said huskily to my ear.
"Perverted kid!" I pushed his chest and successfully shoved him away from me. The railings shook when his body bumped to it.
"Jeez, you're powerful for a midget…" he started but stopped when I glared at him.
I turn on my heel, heading to the bedroom.
"You can always say no, you know. You don't have to be harsh."
I stopped on my track before looking back over my shoulder, "Did I say no?"
When I heard his footsteps behind me, I knew he was snickering all the way.
---
I should've been running by now, but why did my legs wouldn't move? Why did it stuck on the sand? And why did my eyes fixed on the dark horizon when the sun was rising from behind the mountains on its opposite? But why, even without doing anything, my heart raced so fast and my breath came out in short pants?
"I love you…"
I frowned remembering the words.
I must've been heard wrong. Yeah, that was it. My ears deceived me.
Dammit, no use. I heard it just fine. Yeah, how could I not? He whispered the goddamn words on my ear.
True, blood rushed through my ears in lightning speed and breathing was becoming extremely hard for me at that time, but I heard it nevertheless.
"I love you…" was what he said only a second after we finished another session of passionate sex last night.
And that three little words had turned my head upside down, torn my heart into a million different emotions that weren't even supposed to exist. Confusion, nervous, flattered, fear, and this particular feeling that making my heart throbbed in a painful way.
I squeezed the part of my shirt that was hiding my heart and flinched. Was I having a heart attack?
Thanks to those words, I hadn't slept at all. And at the first sign of dawn, I sneaked out of the bed and went to the beach with a purpose of having a jog. But instead of jogging, I stood on the empty beach like a moron waiting for the sun rising from the west.
Another groan escaped my throat.
I just got off a bad relationship. Falling in love with a total stranger, one year younger than I was, living thousand miles away from where I was supposed to be was…
"Shit," did I just say falling in love? I shook my head. I must have been dozing off. Yeah, I was sleepy. That was not what I meant. I meant to say… having an emotional relationship. Yeah, that was it, having emotional relationship!
"What's not emotional? I did cry on his chest, and we did share our bitter past…" I countered my own statement.
God, I must be crazy arguing with myself like this.
Feeling too exhausted, I sat down on the sand and my hands instinctively wrapped itself around my knees.
Was it some kind of a bad karma? Trouble seemed to find its way to me everywhere I go.
My life seemed to had started to shift on the right track before, but something just had to derailed it once again.
I cursed under my breath. Why did he have to say those words? Things were doing great between us before. We both had fun, we were getting along well.
This relationship between us, it was a no-string-attached relationship, right? What else could he possibly expected from a tourist like me? He surely knew that I had no intention to stay, right? So why did he…?
"This is not what I need. I don't need more complications in my life," I reluctantly raised myself, stretching my legs along the way.
I gasped as a pair of hands wrapped around my upper body, squeezing me tight.
"The bed felt so big without you," he whispered to my ear.
The same agonizing pain was back as my heart throbbed. Breathing was difficult when his scent was the only thing my lungs were willing to take in.
"I… I… went for a jog," I stuttered.
"Really?" he tightened his hold, "You're not sweating. And you're… cold."
I shrugged my shoulder and released myself from his arms.
"Are you okay?" Ichigo asked with his usual frown in place.
"Yeah, I… uh, I... don't feel like jogging anymore."
"You look pale," he said closing the gap between us with a single step. But when he was about to reach out to my face, I took another step backward. His frown deepened.
"I'm okay. I think I just need… breakfast," I laughed nervously before mentally kicking myself.
Breakfast meant we had to get back to the villa. And it also meant that I will have to deal with a conscious Ichigo. How should I act? Should I pretend that I never heard anything or asking what did he meant?
"Sorry," Ichigo said breaking me out of my thoughts, "But I have to get back to the lodge. I just remember we have our monthly supply-drop this morning. Usually Ishida was the one handling the supply, but he's on the honey moon trip. Keigo or Mizuiro will certainly mess things up. And the last time Chad handle the supply, we ended up have to ship it all the way back to Rio because the man couldn't even say that we have the wrong goods. So I think I'll be busy 'til this afternoon."
I didn't know if Ichigo recognize the relieve sigh or the lopsided grin I gave him when I said, "Okay."
"Listen, I, uh…" he scratched the back of his neck, "I… was wondering if you'd wanna have dinner with me tonight. It'll be… a real date now."
My heart throbbed with the same pain seeing the man's hopeful gaze.
Another okay escaped my mouth even when I wanted to say no. His face lit up as he pecked me on my lips.
"I'll see you after I finished, then."
He then started running to the direction of his lodge.
My heart fluttered for a moment seeing his broad back. I felt its warmth from the times when he drove me home. His scent, his gentle touch, his soft whispers, his taste, I've felt it all, and surprisingly, I liked it.
But he was too good for me. He was a nice, gentle man deep down under his rough and brash manner. And I was not the one he should be focusing on. I still need a lot of things to settle with myself. And another uncertain relationship was not what I need right now.
For the second time in the last 12 hour, I saw his retreating form and made up my mind.
I walked back to my room as fast as I could and shoved all my belonging unceremoniously to my duffel bag. I didn't even think about having a bath before changing to my pants and plain t-shirt. As I opened the door, Renji was there, his hand raised to knock at the door.
"Going somewhere?" he frowned after seeing my duffel bag.
"I'm going back to Tokyo."
Renji just stood there for a second before saying, "Hold up. I'm coming with you."
It took 10 minutes for the taxi to arrive and another 15 minutes ride after an awkward goodbye with Kwan. I was glad it wasn't Zan's taxi. I wouldn't know what to say if it was him who dropped me off at the airport.
After a long and uncomfortable wait, Renji and I were finally boarded on the plane. Renji didn't even say a word ever since we left the villa. Even though I knew he was curious with my sudden decision, he never asked anything. And I was thankful to him for that.
When the plane started to move, I felt like a stone had been placed on my chest. But I dismissed it as the pressure from the plane before taking off. Yet, after the pilot announced that the plane had reached a constant altitude, the stone was still there. And when I looked out to the window where Karakura island gradually shrinking into its blue ocean surroundings, I knew it wasn't because of the pressure.
Of course not, cabin pressure wouldn't cause your eyes to water and your heart to ached, would it?
---
A/N: Sorry for all of you who were expecting more drama (or fight) when Renji and Ichigo met, I just don't think Rukia is the kind of woman who's happy to see people fighting for or because of her. What do you think? Should I end it here then? Again, grammars and spellings are bad (if not even worse than previous chapters). But the thing is, I'm glad to have finally post this chapter after being absent for so long. I got so many things to do and somehow ended up at an ER at 3 am last week (Hm, sounds like just another excuse, huh?). Thank you again for reading and don't forget to drop me a review!!!
