Authors note: So let me first correct a spelling mistake in my older chapters. I think I was misspelling Rose's last name. I'm pretty sure I kept putting Lelonde instead of Lalonde. If I did then I'm terribly sorry!
In other news we are one chapter from the divide, and I'm pretty sure everyone is going to hate me for this chapter if they haven't figured it out by now.
As a shameless plug, if the feels get to be too much you should go read "Behind Closed Doors" by Fluffykins0801, the story is so awesome! :)
I'm just gonna go hide in my bunker now.
The car ride home was made in silence. Other than Meulin's glances at Karkat, there were no communications, no trying to cross the gap that had obviously fallen between Meulin and her son. God she hated the accident and what it had done to her only child. She cursed in her head, a habit she had picked up from Karkat, and fought the tears that threatened to spill over. Meulin couldn't cry while Karkat was with her. It would hurt him to see his mother cry. She only wished that he could understand exactly what was going on.
Karkat sat oblivious in the passenger seat. He was still shivering from the cold. He wrapped his arms around himself and his teeth chattered with an obnoxious clank. Meulin noticed and quickly clicked the apparatus to a higher level and the car began to heat up quickly. Meulin was extremely hot, but it didn't matter. Karkat was cold and so he would be warmed.
The teen was too absorbed in his head to notice the rapidly warming car. All he could feel was cold. He didn't understand what was happening or why. For all he knew this was some odd trip from his medicine. He couldn't distinguish which reality was real. They both seemed too vivid for his liking. He just wanted to sleep. Sleep and ignore the pressing sense of urgency that made his chest constrict for reasons unknown. He wanted to ignore the palpable tension between him and his mother. He wanted to ignore life.
Meulin pulled into the parking garage and shut off the car. It hurt to see her son in so much pain. "Karkat." Her voice was strained as she continued to hold back tears. The snow continued to fall and began to pile and melt onto the hood of the still warm car. "We're here."
Karkat nodded and continued to sit. He didn't need to go inside. He was just fine, wasn't he? He knew the medicine was causing him to flip out, but an unscheduled trip to Doctor Lalonde's was unnecessary. "I'm okay."
"No. You are not." Meulin's anger surprised the teen. He looked up in shock. "You are not okay Karkat. You are going to go into that building and talk to your doctor. Actually talk to her."
The teen nodded. If his mother didn't understand then Doctor Lelond would.
The two left the car and walked in silence to the psychologist's office. Meulin, who had left her coat and hat on Karkat, shivered slightly from the cold. When she noticed that Karkat was still shivering she took off her scarf and slipped it around his neck, leaving herself with nothing but her sweater and jeans on in the snow.
Karkat frowned as he felt the warm object slip around his throat. "Mom, you need it. You're freezing."
"I'm fine Karkat."
"Mo-m-m."
"Karkat you were in the snow for the entire day huddled in that tent. I don't know how long you were out before you got enough sense in you to wrap up in a blanket and answer the phone, but I don't want you getting sick. You don't look hypothermic but I'm getting Doctor Lalonde to check you out."
"H-h-how is my psychiatrist going to help me?"
"She was a doctor before she was a psychiatrist."
Karkat was quiet. He hadn't known this. "F-f-fine."
The two continued to walk in silence until they reached the door. Meulin knocked softly when she found that it was still locked. Karkat pouted in the silence. He didn't want to be here. He was fine. He was just so cold. There wasn't anything wrong with him.
Doctor Lalonde opened the door; looking worn. "Meulin, Karkat, come in." She stood aside and ushered the two of them in. Rose had grown so weary in the past year. Karkat was no closer to getting better, and she felt like she had failed him. Her girlfriend, Kanaya was worried about Rose's health with the situation. She had advised the psychiatrist to take some days off, but Rose wouldn't do it. Not until Karkat was beginning to make some progress.
Rose escorted the pair into her office and sat Karkat down. The elders spoke in hushed voices, and Karkat didn't even bother to listen in. He was to focused on the cold. It gripped at him like a vice, compressing and squeezing on his brain until there was nothing left.
Without Karkat's notice, Doctor Lalonde had escorted Meulin out of the room to begin the session. "Karkat?" Rose frowned when she saw him flinch. "Karkat can you talk to me today?"
"Y-yeah."
"Do you know where you are?"
"The...the office." Karkat's voice sounded like he had been gargling glass.
Rose frowned at the shivering teen. "Karkat are you cold?"
"Y-y-yeah." Karkat pulled the jacket around himself. "Was...was out in the snow.."
"I heard. Could you take the jacket and things off for me? I need to check you out for frostbite and hypothermia."
The teen nodded and with shaking fingers he removed his mother's jacket. The bones in his arms stood out and his shirt was baggy on his small frame. He fumbled as he tried to remove the knotted scarf and eventually Rose had to help. "You're so thin Karkat."
"I...I didn't notice." He looked away from Doctor Lalonde's face. He couldn't bear the scrutiny in which she looked over him. He focused his gaze instead at his feet, which he noticed were just covered in socks. He wondered what had happened to his shoes or if he had even worn shoes that day.
Rose followed his gaze and frowned. "Karkat where are your shoes? Do you know?"
Karkat shook his head; biting his lip. Everything was so fuzzy around the edges. Much like a dream, nothing seemed real.
Lalonde sighed softly. "Karkat do you want to talk about anything?"
"I think...I think my medication...is...is making my head...fuzzy..." Everything was losing focus again. He wondered if he was moving into reality or into a hallucination. He couldn't quite be sure anymore. Nothing seemed real in the constantly shifting world. He couldn't even trust himself.
Karkat wasn't even sure how to tell which world was real. He was just so confused. He couldn't even tell which one was the real him. He didn't one to believe he had let himself go so far, to starve himself, to freeze out in the middle of nowhere.
Doctor Lalonde noticed Karkat's expression changing and snapped her fingers in front of his face. "Karkat can you hear me?"
"Y-yeah...Everything just...kinda went fuzzy."
"I want you to try to stay with me now. Just focus on my voice and trying to answer my questions okay?"
Karkat nodded and wrapped his arms around himself. "O-Okay." Why did he hurt the longer he stayed out in this world. Why couldn't he go back to the other one. It was so much nicer.
"Okay Karkat, when you start 'fading out' where do you go?" Rose's voice was a bit louder than usual. Probably to make up for Karkat's lack of attention.
"I...I don't know. I mean...sometime I think I'm with...with Gamzee and Terezi...but then like...like this last time I ended up alone in a tent."
"When was the last time you saw them, excluding the tent?"
"I went...I went to the park with them." Karkat's answer was innocent enough.
"You went to the park with them?"
He nodded. He didn't see what the big deal was. He had gone to the park with his friends. "Yeah..I spent some time with Gamzee and...and Terezi...I got sick afterwards, but it was nice."
Doctor Lalonde sighed. "Karkat do you remember the accident?"
"Y-yeah. I do..I mean the parts that I was...conscious for." He bit his lip. He hated talking about the accident.
Doctor Lalonde got up from her seat and grabbed a blanket from behind her desk. She generally would wrap it around teens who were dealing with loss or emotional stress. Blankets would help calm them, and give them something to focus on. The blanket was made of dark purple and white yarn. Kanaya had crocheted it for her patients as a way to try to connect with Rose's work.
She wrapped it around Karkat's shoulders. It hurt to see him so lost. "Karkat, tell me what you remember of the accident."
"I...I was driving. We hit...we hit a large puddle." His breath was beginning to come faster and he slipped his fingers in the holes of the crocheted blanket. "I...I think the road was flooded or something... I lost...I lost." Karkat had to stop. He couldn't breathe.
"Karkat I need you to take a deep breath, can you do that?"
He nodded as he tried to calm his breath. "Karbro, it's okay. Just relax alright?" Karkat nearly jumped in surprise at hearing Gamzee's voice, but assumed it was just a figment of his imagination.
"We...We crashed. I..I got out of the car...walked away and fell...Someone showed up and called the ambulence. I stayed awake as long as I could...but..I just couldn't stay up." Again Karkat could hear Gamzee whispering. "It'll be alright bro. I promise. I promise."
"Karkat do you remember any sounds?"
"Just the guy's voice."
"Karkat. When you woke up in the hospital, was anyone there with you?"
At this Karkat frowned. "I don't...I don't think so."
"Karkat hospitals only have one intensive care unit. Do you think you would have seen Gamzee and Terezi there?" Rose hated that she had to do this to him. She hated that she was shattering his hope, his happiness.
Karkat nodded. "Yeah. I figured...They were in surgery or something..."
"No Karkat." Doctor Lalonde took a deep breath. "The reason you didn't see them Karkat is because they weren't there."
"Of course they were there. They had to be." Karkat's voice was failing him. "T-they had to." He had started to shake again, and the world around him felt icy cold.
"Karkat, your friends died in the accident."
AN: Yeah I'm just gonna go hide in my bunker. LATER 3
