Hi... Brittany next. This may even be bordering on angsty Brittany. IDK.


Brittany doesn't get it.

She presses two fingers to both her thinking spots, and squints at Quinn. After a moment, Quinn frowns at her.

'What?'

'These are my thinking spots. If I press here, my brain is more energetic.'

Quinn blinks at her a lot, and then clears her throat.

'They're called your temples, Brittany.'

'Oh, I know, but I'm not religious, so that's their secular name. Thinking spots.'

Quinn doesn't follow, clearly, but Brittany's got bigger fish to fry, and so can't waste time explaining. Instead she circles three times and really concentrates on what Quinn has just told her.

She doesn't get it.

'I don't get it.'

'Brittany...' Quinn looks away from her, and shuffles half heartedly at the counters in front of her. 'I don't really want to talk about it. And it is your go.'

Brittany removes her fingers from her thinking spots, places a counter without looking, and reapplies finger pressure.

'I just don't get it though, and this is supposed to be my area of expertness. Are you sure there aren't any hidden cameras in here that I could watch? I feel like this would make more sense if I could watch how this conversation went.'

'Brittany...I've told you how the conversation went. There are no hidden cameras. I don't want to talk about it. And... how have you beaten me again?'

Brittany shrugs.

'It's only Connect Four. I realised that the trick is paying attention to the difference between the red ones and the yellow ones.'

Quinn looks a little bit lost, but Brittany's not going to surrender her winning streak that easily, and so flips open the bottom so the counters clatter out. After a moment's reflection, she picks up two red counters, and presses those to her thinking spots, to see if it helps.

It doesn't.

'Quinn, I'm going to list. You won't like it, but you're legs are still broken so I can run away if necessary. I don't want to run though, so can I list? Please?'

Quinn does this thing with her eyebrows that used to make Puck turn into poultry, but Brittany's got to be methodical, so Quinn is just going to have to tough this out.

'Rachel was crying. Because she broke up with Finn.'

Quinn nods once, but Brittany isn't finished.

'She broke up with Finn because she wanted to not be with him. Because she thought she wanted him but now she doesn't.'

Quinn nods again, and Brittany briefly considers drawing some kind of diagram, so she can keep track.

'And so Rachel was crying because she was sad, because she felt bad, because she made Finn feel bad and sad, but this meant that you also felt sad, because if Rachel feels bad over Finn it means she still likes him, and this means... what exactly?'

Brittany knows Quinn is totally better, going to be completely one hundred percent fine, from the way in which Quinn glares at her, in a refreshing blast from the past.

'Brittany. Rachel and Finn are... I don't know what they are, but Rachel cares about him enough to cry. And...therefore...she probably hasn't even thought about me, and that makes me feel...horrible...because...'

Quinn actually does trail off at this point, and Brittany eventually reaches for the piece of paper she'd had to prepare earlier on in the visit, because Quinn had kept getting stuck on saying the phrase out loud, but this phrase needed to be said every now and then or Brittany got lost in a sea of confusion soup.

She holds up the sign that says Quinn likes Rachel Berry (likes as in likes likes, not as in just a friend, but that would be good also, too.) Quinn waves a hand at it vaguely, and sighs.

'Yes. That.'

Brittany looks at the sign momentarily, and honestly, she should have just written Quinn loves Rachel Berry, because that is all she is getting, loud and clear, but maybe Quinn would have had a small heart attack, and that wouldn't be good, despite their proximity to defibrillators.

Anyway.

'I get that, I think. I mean, all of it up to the therefore. But, if Rachel has broken up with him, and the first person she comes to tell is you, and she cries and holds your hand and becomes the wobbly jellyfish of woe that she is when she is sad, maybe...'

Maybe, what? Maybe Rachel ends things with Finn because Quinn confuses her? Maybe Rachel constructed a graph of awesomeness of Quinn compared to awesomeness of Finn, and realised that Quinn is like, way awesome, and also can dance? Maybe... Brittany doesn't know. Her brain hurts. She doesn't get why Quinn has decided this is a disaster and worth doing Quinn crying over, which is when she cries inside and the only tears anyone sees are the angry looks she gives everyone.

Brittany wonders whether this is the moment to bring up the conversation she had with Rachel in the library, before the crash, about how Rachel was doing a lot of...umm... "thinking", about Quinn. But then she spots that Rachel would probably not appreciate that, and so goes back to pressing her thinking spots.

Quinn's looking at her funny.

'What?'

'Brittany, what on earth were you just thinking about? You just grinned to yourself and air-quoted without speaking.'

Crap.

'No I didn't. There was a, umm, fly. I caught it with my fingers.'

Brittany feels like Quinn may not have totally bought that, but she drops it anyway. And Brittany hates this, because Quinn's looking really sad and small and broken, but Brittany's gut tells her that Quinn should be really pleased, and looking forward to seeing Rachel, and maybe figuring out the logistics of how to get Rachel close enough so she can kiss her.

Maybe that'll be the solution.

'Quinn, if you really do...' Brittany hold up the sign, and Quinn closes her eyes in response, but Brittany presses on undeterred, 'maybe you should just kiss her? And, see what she says?'

This is like, way complicated now, because Brittany knows what Rachel would say, probably something like you lips taste divine and you make me want to kiss you forever, even if that means I'll never get to sing loudly ever again, but Brittany has to pretend that she doesn't know this, and when Brittany wins an Oscar, she's going to thank Rachel for putting her into such a challenging acting position, because everything else will surely be easy, after this.

Can heads, like, pop, from complicated-ness?

Quinn looks at her, all sad still.

'Things don't get solved through just kissing people to find out how they feel, normally Brit. You and San were a fairly unique situation. And, I'm pretty sure Rachel is too wrapped up in the Finn business to want to be kissed by anyone, let alone me.'

Brittany doesn't know what weird word game Quinn is playing here, because surely there isn't a person in the world who would react negatively to being kissed by Quinn, but the confusion soup is extra murky right now, so Brittany strikes out for shore.

'Maybe... do you want me to ask her if she wants to be kissed by you? That way I can feedback to you before you press her up against a piano and kiss her senseless?'

Quinn managing to blush, roll her eyes, look panicked and vaguely irritated, which is pretty impressive.

'No, Brittany. No. You can't say anything to Rachel, she'll stop visiting. And...I'd miss her. You can't tell anyone. Santana already knows, speak to her if you must, but no-one else, understood?'

Oh, god. Not another secret. Brittany tries, if only for the sake of her own sanity.

'I really think that Rachel wouldn't be that bothered Quinn, if you liked her. She might...like you back?'

Quinn locks down, and frowns at her, and Brittany can tell that they are done talking about this.

'We're done, Brittany. Ask me something else.'

Okay, then.

'When you get your wheel chair, will you let me push you around? I'm a bit of a pro with Artie, and I feel like you are going to be even more aero-dynamic.'

At the look on Quinn face, Brittany feels the need to offer some reassurance.

'If I promise not to kill you, or anyone else, that is.'


Santana might get it.

'San... why is Quinn sad that Rachel is sad that she made Finn feel sad?'

Santana puts down her drink really carefully, and frowns at Brittany.

'I think I might need some extra words to go with your question, B.'

Ugh, Brittany hates it when people need extra words. Usually Santana is really good at filling in the gaps, but like, Brittany knows what she means, because she was there and had the conversation and saw how Quinn's eyes alternated from really sad to deliberately feeling nothing every two seconds, but she's never very good at mapping it out to other people.

Luckily, Santana's already had some of this conversation with Quinn, so catches up pretty quickly, part way through Brittany's explanation.

'Ohhh, yeah, got you. It's, well it is basically a result of Quinn being a stone cold ice queen bitch for a couple of years – she's managed to convince herself that nobody really likes her. Not really.'

Lies. That's lies.

'But, we like her, and Puck likes her, and Sam, and Finn when he isn't breaking up with her, and like, everyone in Glee club, and that isn't including Rachel, who both likes and likes likes her, which is super convenient, and a neat conclusion, no?'

Santana waves a hand at her.

'Yes, yes, we know that, everyone knows that, except the Rachel stuff, that's still a select group so you still have to tell no one, okay, but Quinn doesn't get that. She's... she doesn't understand why people would like her. She thinks we all still remember cyborg-uber bitch Quinn.'

Oh. Brittany lies back on the bed, and stretches her legs towards the ceiling, partly because she feels like she is going to cramp up, and partly because she likes how Santana's face goes all funny and her eyes have to fight really hard to not look at Brittany's legs.

'Why don't we just tell her then? We could like, tell her that everyone thinks she's pretty cool and special and sane, now she isn't always looking at people like she is planning a messy death for us, and then maybe Quinn would start thinking like a normal person, and realise Rachel is doing really complicated secret body language that translates into something like 'I have just realized that you are perfect for me, and am waiting to mount you at the earliest opportunity?'

Santana laughs, which is good, and then gets up from the chair, and strolls over towards Brittany's bed in the secret walk that secretly means 'I would be super available for sex right now, if that is cool with you.'

Which is totally is. Brittany shuffles over, and maintains her casual face, because sometimes things are more fun if she doesn't tell Santana she can pretty much just read her mind. Santana lies down on her front next to her, and then props her chin up with a palm.

'Not our job, B. As much as just telling Quinn what is going on would be damn easy and deeply satisfying, Quinn's got to figure it out. And Berry has got to find a way to broadcast this, rather than just finding ways to heap extra misery on someone who is legitimately already feeling crappy.'

Santana's totally not impressed with Rachel. And like, Brittany's sort of not really that cool with what Rachel did, timing-wise. Because if someone is really sad, and stuck in hospital, and you're the person they look forward to seeing the most each day, maybe turning up and crying a bucket over your ex-boyfriend isn't that awesome.

She gets that, though. Rachel's like a time bomb of emotion. Sometimes she just goes off.

Brittany rolls onto her side and runs a hand down the length of Santana's back, trying to make her de-angry. Santana hums and stretches underneath her in the way that always reminds Brittany of Lord Tubbington, but she isn't allowed to mention that because last time she did Santana didn't speak to Lord Tubbington for a week, which had been really awkward.

'Rachel has to drop clues, huh? And Quinn has to detect them. This could take forever San. I'll get bored.'

'Might not take forever, though. Look at you, you've got everything completely figured out. They can't be that far behind.'

Well. Brittany doesn't know about that. She is, like, a genius, at body conversations. Other people seem to take ages to catch up.

'It's not like we want them to waste time though. Rachel's got to go tell New York how special she is, Quinn's got to go be Quinn in Yale. Like. They could probably still figure stuff out there, but I want to see. I don't want them to realise that they are future sex-ers when I'm not there, that'd be way annoying.'

Santana snorts, and then rolls sideways so they are facing, and it'll be sex in about...five minutes, Brittany thinks.

'Your obsession with their future bedroom fun is a bit disturbing, Brit. This is Rachel Berry, remember.'

Brittany rolls her eyes.

'Whatever, you know it's hot. But, yeah, we need to figure out how to move stuff along a bit, so that Quinn knows that people love her.'

Santana's eyebrows flicker when Brittany says the l word, and she reaches out for Brittany's waistband, tugging her a bit closer.

'Maybe you should go speak to Rachel then. Teach her how to be a bit more obvious towards Quinn. You're good at obvious, B.'

That's a kind of awesome idea.

'She'd be like my apprentice. I'll make her wear one of those cone hats.'

Santana's grinning at her like a crazy person now, and Brittany's done with pretending she doesn't want sex straight away.


It's tomorrow.

(Technically it isn't, because tomorrow never comes, but it is tomorrow compared to the conversation and sex that she and Santana had yesterday, which Brittany had just been thinking about on the bus journey over)

(So technically, today is today, that all of that stuff was yesterday. But it was today when the conversation happened. But today is now today. Definitely.)

(She is going to make an excellent Dr Who, she can tell. Though she's not too impressed about the surname change, Brittany Who sounds like people have forgotten who she is, and duh. Like that's going to happen.)

Anyway.

Santana had said that Brittany could go along and maybe tell Rachel how to be obvious, as long as Brittany was subtle. And once Santana had explained that subtle was nothing to do with stubble, and that Brittany wouldn't need to find a false beard, Brittany had decided this was well within her capabilities.

How hard could it be to get Rachel to talk about her feelings, really? All Brittany needed to do would be to maybe kidnap Rachel, take her to Quinn's room, and make sure Rachel was wearing a blindfold so she didn't know where she was, and then ask her probing questions about her feelings about Quinn, so Quinn could listen while Rachel said that she thought Quinn was her perfect person.

Maybe something more low key, subtle means 'tricking people, but they will never know you tricked them.' Santana had made her write it down on her hand. It's washed off now, but that's fine because Brittany's memorized it on her soul.

She practices by subtly waiting for Rachel to notice that Brittany's standing outside her house, but after five minutes that hasn't worked, so she rings the buzzer.

'Hi Rachel!'

Rachel's always really small. But this will not be too much of a problem when her and Quinn finally start kissing, because Quinn isn't that tall either, so they'll fit. Finn's body always looked like it was trying to figure out how to get his spine to telescope when he was kissing Rachel.

Anyway.

Rachel's just asked her what she's doing. If she is being subtle, she isn't allowed to say she was thinking about Rachel kissing Quinn. Or Finn. Or anyone.

'I'm here to say hello. And also, I thought maybe we could go see Quinn together, today, because...the nurses scare me, and you are way more confident than me and they seem to understand what you are talking about.'

Rachel blinks at her loads of times, and looks like she wants to say no, but Brittany avoids this by not letting her say it.

'Anyway, ahh, Santana missed her slot on the rota this morning because she was...she was fighting crime, so Quinn hasn't seen anyone today yet, which is breaking the rules as laid out in your rota, so we need to get over there asap. Speedy. Stat. That stuff.'

That gets Rachel moving.

'I cannot believe Santana would be so lax as to not stick to the rota, and equally to not inform people so the back up plan could kick in. This is...thank you for telling me Brittany. I'll head over.'

It still isn't an invite to come with her, but Brittany just follows Rachel to the bus stop regardless.


On the ride over, Brittany realises she needs to message Santana.

If Rachel asks, you were fighting crime. Tax evasion.

Then she spots that she has to message Quinn.

Just say Santana didn't go, this morning. I am up to something, but you aren't allowed to ask. Subtle. Pink Panther. Out.

Ugh, this is a massive web of deceit, and Brittany feels like a spider with a migraine.


From the moment her and Rachel arrive, the plan goes out of the window because Quinn is in wheelchair.

'Quinn! You've got wheels! That's...I go first right?'

Rachel and Quinn do some secret body talking with their eyes, which mainly involves them saying hi and I missed you and I wish it was you here by yourself and how is it that you are so beautiful all the time, but Brittany has no time for this, because Quinn has wheels and Brittany wants to know how accurate her estimate of four minutes forty seven is for a lap of the top floor of the hospital.

'Rachel, time me. Quinn, be aero dynamic.'


Two minutes in, a nurse yells at her for power walking, and Quinn waves a hand up in front of Brittany's face.

'Brit, you'll make me travel sick.'

Reluctantly, Brittany takes it down a gear.

'Can we like, do it properly at some point though? Artie thinks his solo attempt can beat our team effort.'

Quinn snorts, and points at the shoulder still in the cast.

'What exactly is my contribution to the team effort Brit? I can't actually use the chair at the moment unless I want to circle on a spot.'

Oh, Quinn's grumpy pants are on. Brittany shouldn't be surprised.

'Quinn, your job is like the co-pilots on those rally cars. You have to describe the corners coming up. But, like, without opening your mouth too wide, or you'll catch the air and the aero-dynamics will be ruined.'

'Okay, firstly, my mouth is not that big. And secondly, I don't know what the hell you are up to with Rachel Brittany, but I'm really not in the mood for it. I don't want you staring at me or whatever my body is doing while Rachel is in the room, because this isn't fun, or entertaining, or something you can latch on to for your latest hobby. This isn't funny Brittany. I don't want your analysis of what I'm thinking about Rachel.'

Whoa, seriously grumpy Quinn today. Like, if Brittany had just gotten wheels, she'd be all for burning rubber, not telling people off about totally innocent hobbies.

Brittany stops pushing, and walks around to the front of Quinn, and sits down cross-legged in front of her. Quinn rolls her eyes.

'Brit...we're in the middle of a corridor. You can't stop here.'

'Whatever Q. I'm just here because I wanted to see if maybe you'd got things wrong about Rachel, or something. Because, you are really bad at seeing when people care about you. I thought you could want some feedback on what Rachel's thinking.'

Quinn breathes in really slowly through her nose.

'Brittany, this body talking stuff... it's cute, okay, but this isn't a scientific investigation you're doing. Half the stuff you make up is ridiculous.'

That's a bit rude.

'So, what, you don't want to know what Rachel thinks when she sees you?'

Quinn lies, and Brittany hates it when people lie, the world is complicated enough.

'No. I don't want to know what you are dreaming up about Rachel.'

And whatever, Quinn's angry, and maybe scared about her legs, and hurting over whatever she thinks is happening in Rachel's head, but that doesn't mean she can be this rude to totally innocent people who are trying to use their super-powers for good.

'Fine Quinn. Anyway, my feet are tired. Let's see how long it takes until Rachel comes to rescue you.'

Brittany feels a bit bad, as she walks away, because Quinn is calling after her in the voice that Quinn's mom uses when embarrassing social things are happening, but Brittany's okay with being the bad guy, she guesses, if it means Quinn can see how desperate Rachel is to be the good guy.


'Hey Rachel.'

'Where's Quinn?'

'I...oh. She was supposed to be following me.'

'Brittany! She can't move herself yet, what... Have you just left her somewhere?'

'Ummm. Yes. Near a notice board I think. Something to do with hand sanitizers, maybe?'

'Brittany!'


Eight minutes twenty seven, which makes Brittany think Rachel must have gone the long way around to find Quinn.

And now they're both really angry with her, and that makes Brittany feel a bit like one of those misunderstood villains in comic books, who nobody realizes is actually a force for good.

And this is starting to annoy Brittany alot, because even though Rachel's looking at her like Brittany just suggested she'd sound better auto-tuned, Quinn is too busy being all angry and prickly to notice that Rachel is like way protective of her, the same way that Brittany is over Santana.

Everyone is stupid.

Rachel and Quinn are having this really weird polite conversation about how to get Quinn back on her bed, whilst their bodies are screaming just be near me, and ugh. Just ugh. They're beyond Brittany's help. Her subtle skills aren't up to this.

She also maybe needs to go before Rachel rips her head off.

'Bye guys.'

Nobody says bye back, and Brittany's kind of bummed, because she was only trying to help. Jeez.


On the bus journey home, she gets a call from Santana.

'B... did you just leave Quinn somewhere? Rachel's just rang me up to yell at me for not turning up this morning, which is totally fine because I reckon Quinn can draw up her own goddamn rota now, but she also then tried to yell you through me, like we're psychically connected.'

'Did you tell her you were fighting crime?'

'No. I told her the rota sucked ass. I don't think she'd believe the crime fighting. For some reason.'

Brittany pouts unhappily, and tugs a little at the fraying material of the seat in front of her.

'It didn't go quite to plan, San.'

Brittany likes how Santana can always tell when she's not feeling good, and how her voice softens automatically.

'Ah, well. It was never going to be a quick fix B. Least Quinn got to hear Rachel being shrill and angry. Nothing more arousing than that, I'd imagine.'

Brittany shrugs, because she isn't sure if Santana is being sarcastic or really does find angry people sexy, and then remembers Santana can't see that she's shrugged.

'Maybe. Can you come over later? So I can tell you that Rachel's really annoying, sometimes, and Quinn's really stupid.'

Santana laughs.

'Sure, Brit. Give me a couple of hours.'


When Brittany gets to her room, she's got a message on her phone.

It's from Quinn. She sort of wants to delete it, but then remembers that she is supposed to be using her powers for good, and Batman gets like, no recognition.

What was Rachel saying, Brit? In between her words. I'd like to know. If that is okay?

It isn't a sorry, but Quinn doesn't maybe know she needs to apologize. Brittany decides that she'll just have wait until everything has gotten sorted and there are no secrets anymore, and then explain to Quinn, so she'll get her sorry then.

Lots of stuff. Like, I'm happy you are still getting better, and I'm happy I'm near you, and I really want you to be happy that you're near me.

She presses send, and then another thought strikes her.

Remember it isn't a science exam though. I could be imagining.

It only takes Quinn a couple of minutes to answer.

Your imagination is pretty good, most of the time. Thanks x

Brittany decides that things might not have been a total waste of time.