~Silver~

Night brought with it nightmares. The sound of wind and hail and evil laughter of those that belonged nowhere but in my past. My father had been there at one point, pointing a long hooked finger at me and screaming inaudible things that just made my head spin with frustration. I could tell I was young in the dream, I could tell I was troubled.

But not nearly as troubled as I was the night before I fell asleep… moments before I gave in to my unintentional desire to be warm. It was disgusting how powerful the cold could be against your rational mind. Gold had made me so angry, for no reason other than the fact that he was the one making me be here. I wouldn't have come so far, I would have turned back when it started to snow harder. But since he was here, there was something to prove.

The cave had felt so stuffy to me before I stepped back out into the cold and found that it was ten million times better than I thought possible. Tight walls with a dry floor and dry pine needles strewn about to create a fire with, it was Heaven in such a mountain. Heaven in the middle of Hell.

When I raced outside in a flurry I expected Gold to fallow instantly. I had actually braced myself to feel his hand gripping my shoulder in attempts to persuade me back into the cave. It never came, and that was the reason I turned back on my own. Gold was going to let me go? In a moment of weakness I thought perhaps that that was the most miserable feeling I had ever felt. It made my heart pound and my stomach twist in such a way that words had actually pushed up out of my mouth while I stood just outside the cave, waiting.

"Gold?" I had said, thinking that he turned invisible and was actually there in front of me with his honey eyes. But he wasn't…

This was what had caused me to go back in the cave… the pure shock and unexpected hurt to know he didn't care. Everything he said to me suddenly didn't matter in that moment. It didn't matter that he had said time and time again he didn't think I should scale this mountain alone. And it didn't matter that he was perfectly ok with not pestering me about my decisions in the past anymore. All the little things that I had began to wrap my finger around slipped away and it was just me, alone, and Gold, warm.

So warm that I fled back into the cave and almost confronted him about why he just let it all go. I thought perhaps he really didn't want me there, and why it bothered me so much was an issue. But he had been wide eyed and fretting, his throat moving back and forth with the movement of his swallow, and his flushed face turning pale. He didn't see me, (or refused to look at me) so I had no choice but to tell him that I was still there.

It was me… Silver… still here… remember?

Those were the words going through my head as I crouched beside him on the hard floor and leaned in to lean against Typhlosion, who's heart was so big and forgiving that he actually smiled at me when I did so. After my pokemon nearly killing him, I expected to be blasted with fire at the very thought. But he was actually encouraging.

I had sat, and looked the pokemon in his charcoal eyes while Gold still refused to meet my gaze. Typhlosion had made it quite obvious that his eyes were moving from me to Gold and back and forth and back and forth again. I didn't want to believe that I understood his silent words, but I knew for a fact he was telling me to apologize, or suggesting I show some sort of compassion. I glowered at the pokemon behind Gold's back, and shook my head furiously blushing.

But in the end his stares had won, and within a moment I was flinching into the warm shape of Gold's back. His broad shoulders, his toned neck, his thick hair that curled slightly at the ends, I found it all too inviting. All the while I blamed it on the cold. The fact that it was too freezing to do anything but… but dare I say… cuddle…

Gold had stiffened at first, and I felt a significant wave of heat go over him, which made me want to pull away.

So I pushed deeper into the shape of him, thinking about everything he said to me. He wanted to protect me… right?

"This was a shitty idea." I spat at last, thinking maybe it would lighten things up a bit. Maybe if Gold was mad at me he wouldn't stay mad now that I was making an attempt to smooth things over. My cheek was pressed between his shoulders on his back and I had brought the blanket up to be halfway over us both, thinking maybe… maybe SOME sign of friendship wasn't too terrible.

"This was your idea." He bit back, and despite myself, I had never felt so rejected in my life. Not even the moment when my father abandoned me so long ago.

"Yeah." I agreed, my voice lined with hurt. I tried again, this time making sure I sounded somewhat normal. "Good night." I murmured.

And still he didn't answer…

So I fell asleep with guilt weighing down my shoulders, hoping that he would forgive me for being such an asshole. That was when my dreams started, making me restless all throughout the night. Gold had been in the background the whole time too, always at my side, staying perfectly still while I tossed and turned against him. He didn't move while he slept, regardless of the position or anything. That or he was awake the whole night, unable to sleep with my constant irritation.

I don't remember when exactly in the night I fell asleep peacefully… but I knew it had to be sometime close to the coldest part of the night. The hail might have stopped, that could have been partially why, but when I woke up I found it very hard to believe anything that had happened.

You might know how people say everything is better after a good night's sleep, but I was convinced that that wasn't always true. I woke up with more conflict than I had ever felt before… even more so than when I stole Feraligatr from Elm's lab three years ago.

I woke up with my head on Gold's chest, sweaty and hair plastering to my face because one could only handle so much Typhlosion heat. We were laying side by side, me pressed between him and the fire type. His chin was somewhere above my head, so I didn't know what to do.

But I was so absolutely shocked that I jolted upright, forcing Gold's peaceful face to jam up in surprise. He rolled back as I kicked and scrambled upright, and I barely caught sight of the flickering embers disappear beneath his back. He yelped and gasped and threw himself forward, cursing and trying not to whimper as pieces of red hot rock fell back to the ground off his now hole ratted leather jacket. Those embers melted right through it.

I could barely see straight I was in so much shock. Gold and I… had been sleeping in THAT position? After nightmares and fidgeting I had managed to fall asleep like THAT?

…. In his arms?

Choked with horror I got up, ignoring Gold's groaning and Typhlosion's sympathetic grumbling, and flew to the cave entrance. I needed some air.

The snow from the night before had frozen over and gotten extremely hard, so when I stepped out I was almost faced with life or death. My feet slipped and I had to clutch the somewhat rough rock to the entrance of the cave. I was breathing heavily, thinking about the embarrassment.

All I wanted was for Gold not to be mad at me after me being such a jerk. And now THIS happened? It seemed all I could do now was being an even bigger jerk. Gold wouldn't understand… he hadn't been the one fidgeting all night, he hadn't been the one to desire more comfort. Gold was straight, and I was…

What was I…?

My sexuality NEVER played a part in who I was. I couldn't even remember the last time I jacked off—which was kind of scary for a guy—and never once had I considered a relationship with anyone. As far as I was concerned me and Gold had always been rivals… me and ANYONE had always been rivals. Even my own father…

And now this sudden change of events happened and miraculously three years later my rival turns into my "friend" and suddenly I'm sucked into questioning myself.

I racked my brain, while clutching at the ice covered mountain wall and trying not to make any sudden slip-inducing movement, for any female, any at all! That I may have been a slight bit attracted to…

I thought about the twin sisters in the coffee shop back in Viridian City. The blond was too… high maintenance… too out there for a guy like me to understand. She wasn't firm, and she didn't seem to walk with her feet on the ground. The brunette on the other hand, she WAS firm, but she was too firm. An iron grasp, taking control over any and every situation at all. I liked that in a person, but no more than I would have liked it in a passing my trainer on the road. She was average, and average was pleasant… but simply pleasant and no more.

Was there anyone else? Lyra with the annoying Maril?

Not a chance…

That girl in the pokecenter with the Linoone? She WAS attractive, though I never once felt ATTRACTED to her. There was a big difference in those people you could point out and say they looked good, and those that you could point to and say you "liked". And as far as my list went, there was no one I could sit there and honestly say I liked.

But what about Gold?

Did I… like him?

It was too hard to think straight with the smell of him and his deodorant clinging to me. I pulled up the collar of my shirt and took a deep whiff, making my mind whirl back into the dreams I had last night. That was the smell of argument… the smell of irritation and ice and nightmares. The smell of a musky pokemon and charcoal and burning pine. It was everything that happened in the last six or so hours.

This also meant it was the smell of confrontation, confusion, and attraction. The worst part was that I couldn't say I didn't like it either.

"Silver?" Gold's voice came from the cave entrance, a step beside me. I glanced at him, honey eyes glinting in the early morning sun. He blinked almost mildly, but revealing some of that former shyness. It was the same shyness he had when he first became a trainer. The way he looked at me then… the way he looked at me now… it was nearly the same.

"How bad is it?" he asked and to my dismay, started unzipping the lighter jacket that he was wearing beneath his leather one. He turned as he unzipped, hiding his chest a moment in time, but not fast enough to avoid me seeing his bare shoulders.

Gold always had the most distinct skin color. Olive toned and smooth, always somehow just a bit tan, even in places like this, wear the sun was so faint it might as well not be there. I could see that he was tattered with few scars, which I found to be a boyish trait.

He was broad, I knew this, but I never took the time to speculate it. Not until now that is… Each shoulder blade was its own rolling hill on his back, smooth and rounded and defined enough to wear I felt the need to push my thumbs just below them and make the slight crease become a valley.

"Well?" Gold asked in a small voice. He was shivering, though his skin looked warm to me.

I hadn't even bothered to look at what he was showing me. I almost cursed, and I focused in on the few red splotches down the middle of his back on his right side. One of them drew a speck of blood, but most just looked a little raw. They would scab over thinly and be fine in a couple days.

"It's not that bad." I said awkwardly, ignoring the fact that we were acting like friends, when so clearly we were both flustered by the fact that we had been sleeping like much more than friends.

He sighed and shrugged the light jacket back on before moving to go back into the cave. I had no option but to fallow, my stuff was in there too, as well as my dignity.

Typhlosion was already called back into his pokeball, which gave us more space to maneuver through. We gathered our stuff silently, tossing down a bottle of water and granola bars—though I felt too disgusted with myself to enjoy it—and then attached out belts to our waists quickly.

"I have an idea." Gold broke the awkward as we stepped onto the hard ice outside. "Since we are too light to walk on this… we will just slip. Why don't we use my pokemon?"

My first reaction was to snap back at him and say it was a stupid idea, but that would have been a stupid remark. I was forced—once again—into believing Gold's logical mind over my stubborn one.

"What pokemon?" I had to ask though, dreading it before it was out of him mouth.

"Mamoswine…"

I wanted to slap myself in the face. My head hung in defeat at the thought of riding on such a smelly, matted creature. Those things lacked in everything from hygiene to intelligence. All it was good for was defense and brute force. I didn't even think its skill was that great, and here Gold suggested we use it to our advantage.

Why… why did it have to be a good idea?

The fact of the matter was, we wouldn't be walking around another day with soaked pant legs, and we could probably cover a lot more ground.

He took my silence as agreement and yanked off one of his pokeballs. I knew he was stalling, waiting for me to reject before calling the monstrosity out. I simply crossed my arms and took a deep breath as the mountain roared to life around that pokeball.

Mamoswine was expecting battle; perhaps that was why it was acting like a savage thing. Gold pulled his hands up to show no harm, and then reached forward to stroke the pokemon between the eyes. Its wrinkled, hairless mask around its eyes was about the size of Gold alone. I flinched in disgust as he clamored onto the thing, using its tusks as a boost.

"It will be fine." Gold smiled weakly down at me from the creature. "You don't want to walk miles in the snow again do you?"

I scowled at him and his so obviously sheepish face, wishing once again in a flash of hate, that he would have just left me alone after that day in the Viridian forest. Not EVERYTHING had to happen for a reason. I shouldn't have to worry about things like this… like the way I felt about other people.

Sighing heavily I paced forward, slowly not to slip on the ice. Mamoswine's foul breath made me want to gag as I came closer, so hitched up my shirt around my jaw and nose and breathed slightly, picking up only tiny traces of Gold on me. With tight hands I gripped the clumps of brown fur on the pokemons shoulder and hauled myself up. It was unfazed by this, groaning and snorting for no reason at all.

Gold rolled his eyes at me as I swung my leg over the huge back of the pokemon, having plenty of room to even lay down if I wanted (though I never would).

"This is foul." I muttered through my shirt smelling of him.

To my surprise he only shook his head at me, huffing under his breath. "Anything to bitch about."

"Hey, I heard that." I glared.

He managed a small laugh and then turned to be looking forward in the view of the pokemon. "Come on Mamoswine! Straight ahead."