I knelt down next to the body. The body. What a terrible way to describe the young woman. She was someone once, someone who had fought the Borg, wrestled with Hirogen, ate in the mess hall, joined along in Mr. Paris's many colorful holoprograms, most likely chastised by the doctor about self care at some point, missed her family. Her family. Another surname on the docket of the faces of people I will have to let down when we get home. I will have to look up into their desperate eyes and say "Im so sorry, but not only did I steal away your child's hopes, dreams, possibility for a family for you to grow with. I also stole their life. Now I must force you to grieve all over again. To have your hope dashed away from existence."
"Well, at the very least we can say it was quick" The Doctor explained, in a surprisingly loving tone "She didn't suffer much."
She lay on her back, her hand still reaching out to the phaser laying just half a foot away from her. Her chocolate brown eyes staring off into the unknown. A long, dark lock of hair lay against her cheek. I realize then a few hair pins were scattered about her. I almost wanted to laugh. She must have been shot when doing her hair. My fingers brush against her cheek.
Don't feel embarrassed my sweet. I say to her in the depths of my heart I probably will go that way too.
I examine her long face, high cheek bones, her long wide set nose, large lips and dark eyebrows slightly quirked in worry and her deep carmel skin.
"Lakota" I hear myself say
"That's right" I hear Chakotay say from behind me before kneeling down.
"Is she from…?"
"No."
"Do you think…" I catch a breath "Did she believe in the same place as…your people?"
"Will her spirit move on to be one with the many spirits in another great and bountiful world?"
I look at him.
He half-smiles before saying "Happy Hunting Ground. They call it."
"I hope she gets there"
"We will honor her spirit. She will get there."
"Crewman Little Iron will receive a parting she justly deserves" Tuvok states above us "But first it is imperative, in her honor, we seek justice for her murder."
"Of course" I state before standing "Report."
"The crewman was found just one hour ago after Crewman Whitticker heard a shout when passing by. The crewman appears to have been shot directly in the heart but of course we will wait to confirm. Crewman Whitticker quickly called for security where precisely three point six minutes later we discovered the assailant standing above the body while holding a standard issue phaser. She appeared to be shaken. We immediately took her into holding. Since she is unable to speak I would request…."
I hold up a hand to silence him. I look around, truly taking in my surroundings.
Oh god no.
Gingerly, I step over the newly deceased crewman towards the bunk beds
"Captain?" I hear the Doctor inquire nervously.
I get onto my hands and knees. I reach under the bed until my fingers brush against a smooth rectangle . Slowly, I produce a small wooden box. I lift the lid to see a series of small, foil wrapped tear drops with little papers reading "kiss kiss".
I slap the lid closed and grip the box almost hoping to crush it into a million little pieces.
"Does anyone else know?" I ask hoarsely
"No, Captain."
"She's in holding?"
"Yes, Captain."
"Then I will speak to her."
"Captain" Tuvok states carefully "I must advise for you to wait to speak to the Crewman before I am able to interrogate her."
"Thank you, Tuvok" I reply coldly "But I need to speak to a member of my crew."
I begin to make my way to the door, again avoiding making contact with the body. Tuvok remains in place but leans in toward me, letting his presence be known.
"Captain. I must advise you to not impede an investigation on the grounds of personal needs."
A silence looms over the handful of officers in the tiny quarters. The air is heavy with tension.
"Thank you. Your advise has been noted." I reply slowly before turning to Chakotay "You have the bridge, Commander."
My vision narrows. My stride widens. My entire body is fueled with the heat of my fury. My nerves spark. My jaw sets. Perhaps people spoke to me on my way to the Brig, I wouldn't know. Perhaps Voyager jolted violently from an unknown alien attack, you could have fooled me. Nothing matters until I am at the Brig and suddenly…
I'm there.
The guard standing before the Cell Holding Console looks somewhat bewildered by my entrance but quickly stands attention.
"I wish to see her" I state.
He nods and opens the force field into the cell block. I step in and quickly see the Ensign curled up in the corner of the cell nearest to my left. She looks up to see me and quickly stands.
"I wish to see her…alone" I say, not taking my eyes off of her.
"But ma'am it's…" he attempts to say but I quickly turn to look at him and the smart boy takes a hint before leaving. Tuvok looks at me for a long moment then quietly steps away.
I turn to see she is a step closer, her large blue eyes shining.
"Yes or no." I ask coldly "Did you do it?"
Her lip trembles as she stares back at me.
"I asked you a question, Ensign!"
She jumps at my bark. Her shoulders slump before faintly nodding.
I close my eyes and tighten my grip on the little wooden box. Before opening eyes once more to see her looking at what I have in my hands.
"What you have done is…..reprehensible." The word tastes weak in my mouth, like ill made tea "deplorable….malignant…loathsome…"
I see her wince slightly as each word is thrown her way.
My words fail because I know what I want to say. Despite my life of scientific pursuit and my careful upbringing to have a questioning mind. I know the only thing I want to call her is so opposed to who I am.
I want to call her evil.
I see this tiny box in my hands and think back to the way she felt in my arms, the way the chocolate danced against my tongue, and the way BE'lanna's voice rose and fell in such a beautiful way in that sickbay. I want to lift the little box high above my head and with all the force that is in me, send it hurtling towards the grounds so it will never make my skin burn with the little moments. Then the little moments will never exist and I won't have to feel this way.
But then, something catches my eye as I turn the tiny contraption over in my hands. Little letters engraved in the bottom right corner. My finger brushes against the little grooves, making words, making a message.
Sweets, for my sweet, when life ain't sweet. Love, Mama
The fire inside me eases down into a glowing embers.
"I hope…for her sake" I say as I thumb the letters "You have a damn good reason. But you know…to her mama…Crewman Little Iron…" I look up to the eyes of a young killer "…your reason just won't be good enough. Your trial will be in two days time. A worthy representative from your peers will defend you."
I turn on my heel and quietly walk out to the pained squawks of the condemned Ensign
Tuvok stands outside the Brig. I hand him the box.
"I can assure you that my personal emotions will not interfere with the decision of her fate. But I will need…a moment to gather myself."
He nods and I am thankful.
I realize how tired I must be when I see a bulkhead flicker and waver before I blink. When I look again it once again is still and sturdy as ever. I begin my journey to my quarters for what I know will be a restless sleep.
