Chapter Eight:
Unexpectedly, The Who Ran Away Came Running Back
Bearing these distasteful pair of eyes for so long, I had grown used to seeing this peculiarity in myself staring back whenever I look at my reflection.
However, me being settled to the fact doesn't mean that other people would as well. Because of these eyes, my appearance came out a whole lot different when compared to others, causing the inevitable to happen.
I got bullied.
I was played upon, shunned away and called names.
But instead of being sick of it, I treated these pair with some sort of familiarity. I couldn't help but be fond of them. Back then, I used to think that individuality can be achieved by acquiring uniqueness — and these eyes gave me that; the right to have something only I could have, to have something that represents who I am.
Perhaps, that was the main reason why I was so disturbed right now. It's just about the same as realizing the fact that humans are not static creatures. They change, turning into something far from what we have grown used to. It was a pain, yes, but nothing could be done about it.
After all, just like what I always say.
To change is inevitable.
But let me ask you this.
Is it possible for something as natural as the human eye to change that easily?
The light reflected from the broken blade in my hand glinted like lasers to my face, and I squinted my eyes in response. Naturally, the one in the reflection did the same.
Though, I found myself asking, is it even the same?
Pulsating red veins were popping from the black mass that should have been my left eye. Alright, my eyes might never have been something pleasant to look on, with it being the same as those of a fish floating bellyfront on water.
But as I said, I have grown used to it.
But as I said too, this not what I have grown used to.
This is 'different'.
Disgustingly different.
So what the hell am I supposed to feel about seeing this?
Fear? Panic? Disgust?
Scratch multiple choice. I choose all of the above.
As if about to touch a foreign object, my other hand that hung lifelessly from before slowly approached it with caution. No, I was approaching it with caution — which was pointless, now that I think about it, since the fact that it's my "own" eye obviously states that it's attached to me, being it a part of my body.
My finger touched the veined side, the one which iris was quivering.
Then, I recoiled.
Like a heart, it was beating, almost looking alive.
Dizziness suddenly overcame me, and bile started coming up from my stomach, scalding my throat like acid coming up from my chest.
Revulsion turned to mild surprise, then panic.
Then, to full-blown disgust.
I couldn't even remember how I ended up in this place.
But once you started walking and panicking and having your head constantly being fed by thoughts that panics you even more, things get muddied, and the last thing in your priorities is to remember. And maybe you're not just walking anymore— maybe you're running, but since you already stopped caring, you won't realize a thing until you find yourself puking your insides out in a back alley you don't even know where.
Yes, on a random back alley, I started puking.
I was no stranger to panicking, but the vomiting was new. I usually don't vomit when I panic. My stomach cried whimpers of pain as the food I had stocked in my stomach started coming upstairs, forcing their way out on my mouth. It hurt a lot I could almost cry, which I was probably doing now anyway, as my eyes stung after they started getting blurry. I had to support myself with my arms acting as pillars to prevent my jelly-like body from collapsing, so I couldn't even wipe the nasty droplets forming in my eyes.
My hands dug on the grimy cobblestones as I heaved deep breaths. The place smelled thoroughly of piss, and of course, I knew it was dirty. But I couldn't find it in me to stand up. My knees felt so wobbly as if they have been boiled on a pressure cooker.
The puddle of nasty slime greeted my stinging eyes as my vision gradually cleared. Gross. The smell was like everything you couldn't have imagined. I dry heaved as I no longer had anything to puke. My olfactory senses were screaming complaints, almost fuming in the mouth. Of course it smelled like shit. Everything in this back alley stunk.
But I don't have a particularly sensitive nose, and besides, I already smelled worse things other than dried piss and fresh puke.
Like blood, for instance.
I wiped my mouth with the sleeve of my jacket, and it came back slimy.
Ugh. Well that was really gross.
More seriously though, I couldn't really bring myself to get up just yet, but the smell was now starting to get inside my head. Any more than this and I would surely carry this smell for the rest of my life. I need to get the hell out of here, clear my head or collect my thoughts, or whatever. I need to figure out just what in the world was going on before I start ripping all of the hair on my head.
Well, not really. I just want to get up.
So I got up, vertigo hitting me a second later like a baseball bat straight in my head, and I had to throw my hand on the wall beside me so I wouldn't fall.
My feet slid back on the floor with a sound similar to teeth gritting with each other. My forehead had my bangs sticking on it due to the sweat, so I unzipped my jacket and took it off, using it to wipe the sweat away as well as the grime accumulated in my hands.
I spat the remaining bile in my mouth as I took another glance of the masterpiece I had made of the food I'd eaten for breakfast. Right a foot away from it was a glinting object, and I looked at it.
The broken knife.
Then it hit me again.
I crouched down to pick the blade up. Calmly, if I might add. There is absolutely no point panicking myself any further, I already had my fill for a whole year, thank you very much. And besides, nothing good would surely come if I lost over myself again.
The blade is cold in my hands, and there was not enough light for it to reflect anything, so all I could see was its dull surface. I sighed, a little glad that I wouldn't be surprised to death by looking at it again, then turned around—
Then I froze.
Suddenly, as if by some godlike timing, a silhouette appeared before me, its back facing the light, only giving me a pitch black shadow to stare on.
Upon instinct, my unoccupied hand raised to cover my left eye. The shadow grew larger and larger and I had to back away until my shoulders and spine hit the wall behind me. The footsteps drew closer, then it stopped.
Right in front of me.
My breath spilled in my mouth, the thick and suffocating air snatching every word, leaving me all shocked and speechless.
Enough light shone and I was greeted by a face.
In front of me was the girl who ran away.
~※~
Nishino Yuuki was a bookworm.
She loved reading so much it would be no doubt the books would be flustered should the things bore personalities. But who cares, right? After all, it's her own life, so she had to decide what to do with it. But still, she knew for a fact that her 'passion' made people uncomfortable at times. Before starting high school, many of her teachers seemed to be worn down by her extreme enthusiasm in reading. She found this all a little bit odd. Weren't adults supposed to be interested in children such as her? It was not every day that you got to meet a little girl who reads Dan Brown for leisure reading
In addition, it also came as a surprise to her as to how she thinks differently compared to the other girls her age back then. She acts too mature for her age, having nothing but books hugged in her chest all the time.
Indeed, it would not come out as a surprise that her classmates teased her for being a 'bookworm.'
She had also received a lot of inquiry on why reading was such a big deal to her. And as always, the only answer she was willing to give was, "I love reading."
But she knew for herself that that was not the only reason. Granted, she loved reading. But does that mean she should shut herself to the world because of that? No, that was because there was another reason.
It's because she was lonely.
As a child, she was trained on how to walk with her own two feet. Or more like forced, because no kid would want that. Her Daddy was a dedicated worker, the one keeping their family business in check to the point that it seemed that his business was a lot more important than his daughter. Her mother, on the other hand, was a very adventurous person. She always went out of Japan, flew to Europe, then to Spain. And before you knew it, she was back, carrying boxes of souvenirs for her.
But she never wanted that.
She never asked for gifts.
All she wanted was their company. Yuuki knew that her parents loved her, but she couldn't help but feel that her parents loved themselves more.
Which was somehow, obviously true.
Like, what kind of mother leaves her daughter in the care of babysitters so that she could travel the world?
Like, what kind of father chooses to attend a company conference rather than his daughter's PTA meeting?
She was sad that her parents were too happy, while she was not.
But of course, she never complained. They gave her everything she needed.
Good school, financial stability, and most of all, books.
At young age, she became good friends with loneliness. No Daddy to play with, no Mommy to talk to, only books for her to read. Sad, yes, but she believed she'd get used to it.
Eventually.
But then, summer came, along with 'that boy.'
It had been a strange summer. She expected to be lonely althroughout after she heard the news about her cousins attending a summer art camp — which also meant that she would be left alone.
Every summer, it had been a tradition to spend the rest of her vacation in her Aunt's place. Her parents thought it was a good idea for it would only leave her all alone in the house for the whole summer if she stayed. Which was, indeed a good idea, since she loved the company of Kimi-nee and her brother.
But then again, there goes the dreadful art camp, and much to her dismay, her cousins would be gone for the entire vacation.
And so, she was alone again.
She could never get a break, could she?
On a particularly boring afternoon, she'd decided to read the new book her Dad had given to her as a gift. 'Alice in the Wonderland,' the title said.
Under the shade of a tree on her Aunt's backyard, she began to read. Alice, it seemed, was a very adventurous person. And overly curious as well. Who eats a thing without even knowing what's in it? she asks herself, appalled, but of course, she got no answer. While reading it, she also felt some distance to the character. It's weird, she always feels some sort of connection while reading a book. But now, it didn't. Nothing was clicking.
Why so?
Alice had the Hatter, the Hare, the Dormouse, the Smiling Cat and many else, inside or outside the rabbit hole.
And Yuuki?
She had no one. That simple.
Letting out a sigh, she snapped the book shut and gazed up the sky.
I'm so lonely, she thought.
"Yo."
Until he came.
The boy who climbed the three-foot fence so he could talk to her.
Well, talk might not be appropriate. He was not much of a talker, he just liked to read books. But one time or another, he would share some insights about what he was reading.
In a much depressing manner, she might add.
She could only stare at him, being shocked for something as unnatural to suddenly appear. Days passed, then a week, but he was always there, his eyes that looked like a zombie and words like a man who just got divorced.
But she never complained.
In fact, she enjoyed it.
She'd never had anyone reach out to her before.
Well, not really. She had some friends, but they were too energetic for her. It's like she was being drained whenever she gets close.
Timidness, might not be the only reason.
She was just bad at dealing with people.
In addition, some also associated her 'timidness' to the way she looked.
She inherited her mother's light brown wavy hair and her father always wanted it to be cut down to shoulder length. The reason? She would never know. Her face would also look nothing different compared to her father. Sometimes, she kind of wished that she inherited her mother's features instead.
Her mother, for the lack of a better description was definitely beautiful. She emitted this aura of 'elegance' that was somehow, and unfortunately, always being misunderstood to 'arrogance'.
She would never mind having a face like that. To be honest, it would actually do well in her favor. But instead, she inherited her father's kind looking face, so kind that she almost looked fragile.
Back on the topic at hand.
She was always alone, only her books to keep her company. It was a rather odd feeling. Sort of embarrassing, even. But at the same time, it was nice not to be alone. It was a little disconcerting to find out the she already got a friend without her knowing.
He used to call her Four Eyes because she wore glasses back then. At first, she thought it was only his way of teasing her, but after hanging out with him for quite some time, she realized that maybe he only had a knack for giving people nicknames. The thought gave a warm feeling coursing through her chest. He gave her a nickname, something that not even her parents dared to do.
It was nice.
Then, like other things, summer ended. She went back to Tokyo to continue her studies, though she promised her 'friend' that she would be coming back next summer. He only nodded at her as if he didn't really care, but she knew better. After all, she was sure that this summer had been fun for the two of them.
Before she knew it, she was looking forward for the summer vacation more than she expected.
But then, the tragedy came.
She had never expected that she would be coming back to her Aunt's place so soon.
On a funeral, to boot.
Half a year after she came back to Tokyo, her family received the news about her Aunt's house having burned down in a fiery wreck. Everyone died, except for her Kimi-nee who was in Tokyo too for college.
The house was ruined.
What 'that boy' always said was actually true.
Reality is cruel.
Indeed it was, and it hurt her to realize it this way. Then the thought of never being able to meet 'that boy' again only added to her grief.
Later, she graduated middle school. High School came out slick and nice, she had friends, she had fun.
But somehow, it felt empty.
Along with her memories of her Aunt and cousins, she missed the boy with zombie eyes.
Not to mention that Tokyo was no longer doing her any good. Not every people in the world were good natured. Not everyone were supposed to be nice.
There were evil ones too. And scary ones, as well.
She had a stalker.
But there was no way that she would tell her parents about something as silly as that. Perhaps it wasn't silly, but she didn't want to ruin a person's life just because he became attracted to her. Knowing her parents, they would probably make a wreck out of that guy if they heard the whole story.
So she decided to take the step forward. She talked to her parents about transferring schools from Tokyo to Chiba, saying that Tokyo was no longer being a good place for her. She said she hated the crowd, (which was true) and she said she wanted to study in a more peaceful place, (which was true as well).
Her parents, being the oh-so-understanding-parents they were, complied with her requests. They gave her an apartment to live on, enrolled her to Sobu High to continue her second year, and never forgot to fill in her 'excessive and obviously unneeded' monthly allowance.
Her Dad was a little against it at first, saying that he couldn't possibly let off his 'little girl' alone. But when she offhandedly remarked that his supposedly 'little girl' had already spent most of her childhood alone, he could only shut himself up with a bitter look on his face.
And so, she was in Sobu High.
Never did it crossed her mind that transferring schools was a very good idea. It was Monday, inside the bland clubroom where her English teacher forced her to run an errand on.
On that room.
The so-called 'Service Club.
She met a pair of eyes she became so familiar of.
He was there, donned with the ever so bored look on his face.
But then, there goes another realization. Of course, it had been years since they last met. She didn't even know his name, nor did he know hers. So it was inevitable, yes, now that she thought about it.
He had forgotten about her.
But regardless, she still introduced herself to him.
"You mean... you're that Four Eyes?"
She couldn't even put on a straight face when he asked her that, wide eyed, as if he had seen a ghost.
Reality wasn't that cruel, it seemed.
Only for her, she supposed.
She later discovered that 'Hikigaya-kun' had became as lonely as she was back then.
He was always alone.
Let her clarify this first though, she was not a stalker, nor did she plan to become one. It was just, he happened to stick out, like a large black dot on a white paper.
That was the reason why she decided to do this.
That was why she reached out.
It was because she wanted to pay him back.
"I never asked for your consideration."
That, he didn't.
"I never asked for your worthless pity."
That, he didn't too.
So why did she do it? Why did she reached out?
"There's no way that a 'Little Miss Perfect' like you would give a damn about an outcast like me. But that's the point, wasn't it? That's the reason why you reached out. Because I'm an outcast—the same as you were back when we were children. And since I fell into the same realms as the past you, you feel obligated to reach out in return. Maybe it's also even out of pity."
He was too right. Too damn right it hurts. So she ran.
She ran as fast as she could, with tears welling on her eyes. She was not crying because she's angry at him. It was because she's sad. So sad for she had been so stupid. She wanted to be mad at him for putting her on such a rough emotional turmoil, but she couldn't bring herself to.
She was constantly being reminded of those times when they were still children, how he looked so happy under that stoic face of his — it was the same expression he held when she introduced herself to him.
He was happy to see her.
Why?
Because he was alone. He was lonely.
But it didn't make sense to her. He seemed to have a lot of people who cares about him. So if that's the case, then why would he be lonely?
Then she realized something.
"Just leave me alone."
Unless he was also pushing them away.
That was the moment when something clicked inside.
When the mystery started to make sense.
She didn't have a clue as to what had driven him to say those words.
She had no idea how he became this way.
But she was sure of one thing.
She would never leave.
So, she turned on her heel and walked back to the place she once ran away from.
After all, she needed to get the books back.
.
.
.
However.
What she saw next was not what she had been expecting.
~※~
With my throat getting scratched by the remaining bile like sandpapers, I managed to utter my fears out.
"Did you... did you see?"
And like a broken dam, everything came flooding back in an overwhelming, fluid quality. Flashes of images gushed through my head endlessly, engulfing every last bit of the back of my brain. They sucked me into a world only I was present, pulling me away from what was real and into a place reminiscent of a deserted street - where two bicycles stood by each other.
I saw a girl, whose eyes were glowing through the sadness of being pushed away. I heard my own scathing words, biting and boiling with venom, hissing with the sole intent to hurt someone.
Then I looked up, and realized that it was not a flashback I was seeing. The shadow before me was not a mere illusion, not my mind playing tricks just to spite me.
She was actually here, in flesh. Nishino was here
"I'm not sure. But if you count seeing someone trying to stab you, then I guess I did saw something."
A silent smirk escaped my lips, echoing on the walls surrounding us. The bite of the early January wind toyed with the strands of my hair, seeping through the bushes and gnawing at my scalp. In my mind, I saw a man with long greasy hair kneeling with a handle of a broken knife in his hands. In my head, I heard muttering, the word "monster" echoing through, crawling inside my ears.
Then I saw a flash of light followed by a clanging sound, and I was back to where I was, leaning on a wall while staring a Nishino's face.
Still trying to cover my left eye with my hand, I cleared my throat and mumbled, "Courtesy of your loyal stalker, apparently..."
To my surprise, she took my words at heart, gasping as she widened her eyes.
Without further ado, she bowed.
"I-I'm sorry. I have no idea he would go as far as to follow me all the way here-"
So he really is a stalker. Damn, I could be too perceptive sometimes.
Cutting her off, I raised a hand as a sign for her to stop. "Not your fault. It's not like he's your responsibility or anything-"
But payback was a bitch, and I was cut off as well.
"But he is!"
Sighing, I pushed myself away from the wall, my hand digging into the moss as I attempted to maneuver my legs into moving again. "No, he's not. He is a criminal, a danger to people. It's the polices' damn responsibility. Not yours."
My legs felt gelatinous, immobile and quivery. Every little twitch sent thousands of needles poking on my skin, and try as I might, I couldn't ignore it. My body felt so weak and sensitive all of a sudden, but I tried to move my legs and walk regardless.
"W-where are you...?"
Looking back, I saw Nishino looking at me with both confusion and worry glinting on her eyes.
I cleared my throat. "Didn't I tell you to just leave me alone?"
Her eyes widened, and she looked down, stuttering. "W-well you did... but the thing is..." She stopped mumbling and looked at me straight in the eye, a smile on her face. "I kind of decided not to."
For once, I actually said what was on my mind.
"You're mental."
"Maybe I am. But you can't stop me from doing this."
She really was. No doubts about it. Completely mental.
"I don't get it, Nishino. I really don't. What's driving you to go as far as this? It's not like I did anything remarkable-"
"But you did!" she shouted, her hands forming into fists as she glared at me. "You became my friend, right? Isn't that reason enough?"
"But I already told you!" I shouted back, taking a short step forward and straightening my slouch to assert my physical dominance. "I'm no longer the kid you've met before. Everyone change, and I change. If you're doing this just because you think you could still meet the same pathetic brat, then you're wrong. He's long gone."
For a moment, she just stared at me blankly. She didn't even flinch. She just gave me an inquisitive look, as if she was searching for something hidden inside me.
"Liar."
She hissed that word with such intensity that I actually had to take a step back.
"You think I'd buy that? You think I can accept that you're some cold and heartless person now? You need to get a hold of yourself, Hikigaya-kun. Yes, a lot of time has passed, and I may not know you like how I did before. But let me tell you something," she moved forward, intensifying the glare in her face, "People only change superficially. They make their exterior appear to be the same as what they want to be inside. You might have changed, but at your core, I know... the boy I became friends with is still there."
I was speechless. Nishino was a complete mystery. That was becoming exceedingly apparent, and my mind kept winding back to the words I'd said to her. She just shrugged it all of completely, she was even trying to patch things up with me.
What's with this woman?
Anyone would have hit me if I even talked to them the way I did to her before.
"Alright, let's say I never changed. Let's say that I am still that snotty kid you met. What's the point? What is there to talk about? Us being friends when we're children doesn't necessarily mean that we should still be friends till now."
She looked down, her hands clenching the hem of her dress as if trying to bite back any scathing words. "But I want to be friends with you..."
"Because of what? Because you think you need to pay me back for reaching out? Nishino, I don't want anyone to offer me friendship because they think they owe me. Just imagine this for a sec. What if it was some other person you became friends with? You think you'd still want to keep up with me? No. You'd be out there, not giving me a single sideways glance-"
"Could you please shut up for moment and listen?"
That tone of voice was not something I would've expected for someone like Nishino would take. I could only shut myself instantly and look at her, trying my best to keep my gaze at hers as she look at me blazing eyes.
Oh, this is it.
I finally broke the dam.
"Yes. Perhaps "owing'" has everything to do with what I'm trying to do, but that doesn't mean all of my intention revolves around that. Yes. Perhaps in another timeline, in another world, another person became my friend. Perhaps there, I won't try to bother you this much. But does that even matter? No. Because it's you. And no matter how many times you rant about "what if this" and "what if that" nothing will happen. I will still be here."
I was stunned, breathless, and I could only keep silent as she continued.
This was not what I had been expecting.
"You kept asking about why "someone like me" whom you barely even know would try to be your friend. But that's the point of being friends with someone, right? To get to know someone, to earn their trust. You don't have to know everything about a person for you to be able to make friends with them. It's the other way around, Hikigaya-kun. You become friends with someone so you could know them more."
I knew Nishino Yuuki. She was the girl who introduced herself to me as "Four Eyes." However, that was all I know about her. The one I knew, specifically, was her younger self. I had little to no idea as to who she was now.
Yes, there was nothing wrong from trying to be friends with someone. But-
"But why me? It could've been someone else, right?"
And again, I voiced my thoughts out loud.
"You really are a dummy, aren't you?"
She let out a small laugh.
The girl who was crying earlier.
Just laughed at me and called me stupid.
"...that was a really dumb question."
It was. After all, I'm a dummy, right?
"But you don't even know me now..."
Let me continue being a dummy then, please.
"Look, Hikigaya-kun, allow me to put some sense into you. Back then, when I was so lonely... when even my parents couldn't give me the time of the day, you came. You tried to be my friend. That was all I need to know about you. That was all I need to know to want to be friends with you..."
Friendship was a curse.
Nothing could be achieved by small talks and pointless hanging out. You just cling onto each other, searching for some sense of approval, or acceptance.
It's like how a parasite destroys its host, only with both of them getting ruined in the end.
As I drown myself with these thoughts, Nishino heaved a sigh.
"And besides..." she looked down. "I know you're thinking that I already graduated from being a pathetic book fangirl. You think that I already earned my keep in the social hierarchy. You think this. You assume that. But remember that time when you worried about tarnishing my "reputation"? What did I tell you back then?"
I don't really have that much of reputation to begin with.
That was the moment when I started feeling ashamed of myself.
"I never changed, Hikigaya-kun."
She took a step forward.
"I'm still that pathetic Four Eyes."
And another.
"I'm still alone."
And another.
"Isn't being lonely not reason enough for me to want to have a friend?"
I know myself more than anyone else, that was a given. The one Hikigaya Hachiman had a bad habit of pushing people away, thinking that by doing so, he was making himself safe from all those rejections he'd faced before. But in the end, he just made things worse.
Choosing to be a loner earned me a "compulsory" application to the Service Club. Pushing Yuigahama away only increased her motivation to try to get close to me more. Staying away from people only caused me to stick out.
And now.
Pushing Nishino had literally just fucked us both over sideways. She had her reasons, and I had mine. I said what I had to say. But did I even try to listen to what she had to say?
No.
I began to question myself. Pushing people away, did that ever made me happy? Again, no. I was human, and I had feelings as well. I wanted to be accepted, to be loved.
But wanting something only leads to disappointment after not getting what you wanted.
I was fed up of those.
I was so tired of expecting nothing.
I was so tired of this game of misunderstandings.
Nishino implied that she wouldn't had reached out should another person became her "childhood friend," which was reasonable and logical no matter how many times you rephrase it. You would never reach out to a stranger, to a person you couldn't give a damn about. But just like she said, did that even matter? I was the one who reached out, and no matter how many times I complain about "what ifs" it would only come to this.
Why couldn't I accept that?
What was wrong with me?
I looked at Nishino, and she stared back, unblinking, unflinching. There was determination brimming in her eyes, yet they were dulled by the darkness that also looms in mine. It was loneliness. I didn't know the one named Nishino Yuuki, saying so would be akin to arrogance. I only know Four Eyes, that girl who wears glasses and always reads books.
But looking at her now, with my mind slowly reaching into realization, a different light was starting to shine.
I realized that we're the same.
Looking back, maybe I already realized this earlier and just averted my eyes to the obvious fact.
Because it made me realize that even if that was so, we were so different too. I would never admit to anything like that without it being pried from my mouth. My past experiences already taught me not to expect something as superficial as having some sort of connection with someone through shared similarities. There was no way I would continue having all those expectations after being pushed away so many times.
But now, looking at this girl, looking at her expectant eyes, I was starting to think twice.
Why couldn't I accept what she wanted?
Was I scared?
But I already got past this. My clubmates would be the living proof of that. Yes, I might not be able to shout at face value that they were my "friends." But I had let them in.
So what was barring me to do the same with Nishino?
Why am I being so damn illogical?
With a sigh, I let out a smile to grace my face.
I already made up my mind.
Only am immensely stubborn person would choose to repeat the same mistakes. Yes, it was easier to walk down the familiar path, but what was the point of staying in what you'd gone used to if it would only end to a pitfall?
This time, I would start to fix the mistakes I'd made.
And all that started with this girl.
"I'm sorry."
Nishino jerked upright, twisting her neck to face me. Her eyes were so huge, glossy and wet with unfallen tears, and the moment her head shook with movement, all of those stacked beads fell in slow motion, gently trickling down her cheeks.
Her lips started to tremble, and her eyes widened even more, starting a freshly made surge of waterworks.
I sighed. It seemed like I was not the only one who misunderstands.
Taking my eyes of hers, I cleared my throat and bowed my head. "I'm sorry... for being such an idiot. I hope you can forgive me."
This what I had chosen to do. No more of this game. No more pushing away. If this girl wants to be friends with me because she was so lonely, then what kind of person I am if I pushed her even further? I wouldn't even be able to look Komachi in the eye if she knew that I did such a thing. Not that I plan to tell her, but you get the point.
Raising my head, I looked at her. She looked back, her eyes even wider than before, (oi stop, you're gonna pop your eyes out) then her shoulders began to shake.
She kept her eyes fixed in mine, a new set of twinkles sparkling in them. Then she laughed, covering her mouth timidly with her fingers and rocking her shoulders in the surge of giggles.
"What are you laughing for?"
Her laughter shook in my bones, sending tremors of embarrassment over my whole body.
"I'm laughing at you," she squeezed between giggles, grinning. "I can't believe I still have to spell it out for you to take a hint. It takes a girl a whole lot of effort to do something that embarrassing, you know? You're such a dummy."
"Guess I deserve that..."
"After all those rude things you said to me? Yeah, you really do."
"I'm really sorry..."
"You don't have to, you know." She lowered her head and sighed, "I think we are what we're raised to be."
"Being an idiot? Um, rude?"
"Eh? No, I don't mean it that way! I mean, it's not your fault that you revert into this always doubting and unapproachable person! Ugh, thanks for ruining the moment, Hikidummy-kun- ah, w-where are you.. ?"
"I'm a bit thirsty. Want to go to that cafe you're talking about? My treat."
I looked back, seeing a confused looking Nishino frantically trying to catch up to me. With my hand still covering half of my face, I cracked a small smile.
I straightened myself up and rubbed my eyes. It's still there, I couldn't shake the feeling. The sensation of something dipping into my pupil, consuming and sclera and covering the entire white surface with a jet black color.
If anything else, I was no longer that afraid of knowing what had happened to my eye. What was worrying me more was the consequences of I was about to do.
But there was no other way around. I was not sure as to what exactly happened, and I wanted to know why. The only person who could explain everything to me was someone who saw the whole thing in a different view.
That would be the person in front of me.
Trying, her words echoed inside my head, trying to stab you.
That bastard "tried" to stab me. But what happened next?
Only one way to know.
I removed the hand covering my left eye and faced Nishino.
"C'mon... we have a lot to talk about."
DarkNight21: You do realize that by asking that, you're giving me the idea of writing a tortured Hachiman, right?
kadenismyname: Thanks man, really appreciated that.
nick1012: I hope I didn't made you choke on your food during lunch break due to how cringeworthy my writing is.
SilentXD7: I'll think about it, though I reaaaally love Yukino(lol).
Deutzieg: Well, greetings, my comrade. Hope this chapters satisfies you.
Mokkel: Oh man, thank you very much for being one of my consistent reviewers, I really appreciate that. Thanks!
Godz1llex: I love this fic too, thanks.
HachimanOwlPlease: Here you go, bud. Sorry for the delay. And "Hachiman Owl"? Hmmm *thinking emoji*
Exiled Soul Nomad: It was not. Really. Believe me. Please.
