hey guys, I know it's been a while, but the next chapter of

reestablishing trust is done. Thank you all for your kind words, they meant a lot. I'll just give you a quick update on what has happened since the fire. the police are still investigating everything and no cause has been determined yet. the local paper did a big article on the fire and put picture of some of the horses lost in it, including both of my girls and a man who read the paper saw the pictures and called me to offer me a colt that he had, no strings attached and completely free. after some thought, I decided to take the baby, and I named him Dakota. he is a red and white paint colt, about six months old and sweet as can be. he'll never replace either of my girls, but he already has his own place in my heart. well, that's all for now, and I hope you enjoy the chapter!

thanks again,

misty

Chapter 9-Losing Hope

Harry was mad, actually, furious would be a better word to explain how he felt when he had been informed that no one had even noticed that he had been missing, but then that feeling was overcome by extreme depression and hurt, but before he was able to break down completely, he was hit by a sleeping spell and the next thing he knew was terror.

He had been awakened by the all too familiar feeling of pain as he was hit forcefully in the face by an unseen fist. He became instantly aware of the sound of screaming and without even fully comprehending the words, he knew that they were mad, and he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were mad at him, after all, they were always mad at him and he prepared for the onslaught of pain that always accompanied those certain tones and feelings and he just prayed that they would continue to argue amongst themselves and forget that he was even there, but he prayers were once again unanswered as their attention suddenly swerved to him.

Sensing what was about to come, he used up the last of his strength and tried in what he knew would be a vain attempt to move away from his tormenters, but all he could muster was the strength to turn his back to them instead, and by doing so, he was suddenly seeing one of his first tortures at Azkaban, at the hands of Malfoy and McNair. This particular 'session' was one of his worst ever, because it was during this round of torture that he first began to believe that he was indeed going to die by their hands, that he was going to be left there forever, that his friends and family had forgotten about him, or had never really cared for him to start out with.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

He was in the small, hidden chamber, standing in the middle with the two death eaters standing before him. His wrists were bound together behind his back and his glasses had long since vanished, leaving him vulnerable and scared as the blurry images began to advance on him.

"So, Potter, how do you like the accommodations?" sneered Malfoy as he began to stalk around the now fifteen year old boy "Do they suite the needs of the famous boy-who-lived?" he mocked.

Harry, knowing by now that smart remarks would get him nowhere, remained silent, his emerald eyes silently watching the blurry image.

"Answer me, boy!" yelled the man after several silent minutes had passed.

"Where am I?" said Harry quietly. All he remembered was waking up in the basement of the Riddle house to the sounds of yelling before Voldemort had come down and cast the cruciatus curse on him. The next thing he knew, he was waking up here and being forced to his shaky feet.

Instantly, a open palm was on his cheek and a loud smack echoed throughout the small chamber before Lucius spoke again "Do look at me with that look on your face, boy!" he growled and Harry immediately cast his gaze to the stone floor in submission.

"I'm sorry, sir" he whispered, his previous 'lessons' at the Riddle house coming to his mind.

"You would do well to remember that, Potter" he warned before resuming his pacing "As for your question, you have been brought to Azkaban, the dark lords new fortress" he said and Harry felt his eyes go wide. Through his visions, he knew that the death eaters had been trying to take over the prison, but he didn't know they had been successful. This meant that all the prisoners and dementors were free. How were the others going to overcome this? His foggy mind wondered and he saw images of Dumbledore, Sirius, Remus, and his friends flash before his eyes before a punch to his stomach brought him back to the present.

"Pay attention when I'm talking to you, Potter" snarled Malfoy "As I was saying, the dark lord has asked us to give you a combined 'welcome home' and birthday gift this evening" he said with a malicious smirk on his features and Harry's brow furrowed in confusion at the mention of his birthday, completely blocking out the part about 'welcome home', and Malfoy, seeing this, plastered a wide smile across his features before he spoke again "Oh, I guess we forgot to tell you the date Potter, it's July 31st, happy sixteenth birthday" he said mockingly just before the beating began in earnest.

At first, Harry was able to tolerate the beating in silence, curled in a small ball on the stone floor, his mind spinning with the new revelation. Had it really been over a year since that night in the graveyard? He couldn't believe it, there was no way that Sirius and the others would have allowed him to be a prisoner for so long. He wouldn't believe it.

Suddenly, his attention was brought back to the beating as he felt the now familiar pain of the cruciatus curse raking through his body. The pain lasted for what felt like an eternity before it ended abruptly, yet his muscles still trembled and he found he was barely able to remain standing when McNair forced him to his feet again, facing Malfoy.

"Did you enjoy that, Potter? I will stop, you know, if you beg me enough, I will stop" he said quietly "Will you beg?" he asked before he cast the cruciatus again.

"No" said Harry once the curse was lifted and he was again on his feet.

"Will you beg?" asked Malfoy again as he cast the curse for the third time.

"no" repeated Harry, causing Malfoy's face to contort in rage before he smirked again.

"As you wish, Potter, you have had your chance" he said quietly as he leveled his wand on the kneeling figure before him "Petrificus Partialius" he said and Harry felt his legs straighten and all of his muscles tighten against his will as he fell to his back on the stone floor, but strangely enough, he could still move his head freely "I will no longer give you control of where this stops, I choose when to leave, cutlius" he snarled and through the corner of his eye, Harry saw the shining blade of a large knife being levitated toward him, and he knew without a doubt that this would be painful, that thought still running through his mind as the first cut was made, down the length of his left thigh. He couldn't stop the flow of words that this action triggered next, his brain clouded as it was with the pain. When the knife was removed from his leg, he looked to Malfoy pleadingly, his voice no more than a whisper as he said the words that he never though he would say.

"Please don't hurt me anymore" he begged and the man only laughed as the knife continued its advance, this time slicing down his right arm, sending his head spiraling in pain as he bit his lower lip in an attempt to not cry out.

"not again.please no.please stop.no.no.please no.no." he repeated over and over again as the edges of his vision became blurry and his ears rang with the sounds of Malfoy and McNair laughing.

"I gave you a chance, Potter, and you refused it" taunted Malfoy after what felt like an eternity "What do you think of your precious friends now, for allowing you to suffer like this?" he asked suddenly

"They will come, I know they will, they are my friends" he whispered, hoping it was true but doubting it himself now.

"But why haven't they come yet, Potter? It has been so long and they have yet to rescue you, why?" he taunted "Perhaps it is because to them, you were only a celebrity, their way of destroying Voldemort, and now that you're gone, they see no need in trying to get you back, they really don't care for you, do they?" he asked as he brought the knife back to the bloody body on the floor, slicing it across his stomach.

"no please stop.please" Harry begged and after another eternity of pain, the knife was once again removed from his flesh.

"Well, you never did answer my question, Potter, what do you have to say?" he asked and Harry weakly answered him through the haze.

"They are my friends.my family.Sirius.he will come" he said defiantly and Malfoy, enraged, sent the knife back again.

"Stop.please no" he cried as his blood was once again spilled onto the stone floor

"Where is your godfather now, Potter? Where are your friends?" taunted Malfoy

"He won't leave me here.they won't leave me here" he mumbled through the pain and the blackness overtaking him

"But they already have, he already has" said Malfoy, his voice the only thing reaching Harry now that his vision was completely black

"No please.they forgot about me.they don't care" he mumbled, tears leaking down his face for the first time since the graveyard

"Do you want to die, Potter?" asked Malfoy suddenly

"Please just kill me.please kill me.please" he slurred through the pain

"Not today, Potter, not today. The dark lord wants that honor. McNair, give him a healing potion and a nutrition potion and then secure him" ordered Malfoy and Harry felt his head roughly lifted from the stone floor and two potions poured down his throat and his arms released before being encircled in another chain, then the body bind was released before the blackness completely overtook him yet again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The next time that Harry awoke, the hospital wing was shrouded in shadows and the only sound that met his ears was the deep and steady breathing from somewhere to his right, though he couldn't see who was there. For several moments, he wondered just why it was that he couldn't see the person, but then he remembered with terrible clarity that he had only been able to see from his left eye for a long time now, and with that though, he was almost overwhelmed with another memory, but he forced himself to breath deeply and focus his thoughts elsewhere and he was able to keep the scenes buried for a little longer.

Remembering the sound of someone beside him, he silently turned his head and the blurry image of his godfather met his tired gaze, and judging by the awkward angle his neck was bend, he assumed that the older man was asleep. Deciding that he didn't really want to wake the man and be pulled into yet another tense conversation, he allowed his mind to wander to his own thoughts, for no other reason than to forget about the memory that he had been forced to relive when that person had hit him.

Sure, he was still quite angry about the whole situation, that he had been forgotten and judged because of another's actions, but deep down, he was more relieved to be out of that terrible torture chamber in which he had been imprisoned for the past five years.

Five years. Five long and pain filled years at the hands of the most evil dark lord that the wizarding world had ever seen and his most trusted, loyal, and evil death eaters. He still couldn't believe that it had really been that long since he had been at Hogwarts, since he had been free from pain and misery. Sure, he had know it had been a long time, but surely not that long, but he now knew that it had. His best friends were no longer the naïve fourteen year olds that he remembered. No, he had seen them himself for a moment before the memories became too much to handle. Ron was no longer the gangly redheaded boy with his youthful face splattered in freckles and his robes several inched too short on his arm and ankles, overshadowed by his older brothers. Now, he was tall and muscular, and even though his robes were still not the best of quality, no doubt due to the war, they were of the proper size for his adult form.

Hermione, on the other hand, had developed into a beautiful woman, her body looking mature and her once bushy hair taming down enough to be pulled into a neat bun. Perhaps the most shocking change of all though, is what he saw on their faces. They were not the expressions that one would normally expect to see on nineteen year olds who were supposed to be enjoying the best years of their lives. Quite opposite, in fact, their faces looked far older, like they had seen too much in their short years. Their eyes were tired and their skin lined with premature wrinkles, faint, yet still present. Ginny, once seen only as his best friends little sister, had also aged too much in such a short time, and had he not seen her several times during his visions, he wouldn't have been able to recognize her with her mature figure and now long red hair.

That is what was most shocking to Harry, more so than anything else. During his entire captivity, he had been assaulted by visions nearly every night, and on more than one occasion, he had seen familiar faces, for everything Voldemort saw during the many battles, Harry saw as well. He saw the deaths of Charlie and Percy Weasley, Cornilius Fudge, Dean Thomas, Cho Chang, and many others that he would rather have never seen. During these horrible visions, though, he did see things that gave him the smallest bit of hope, the members of the light side fighting with all they had to keep their dreams and future alive, no matter what the odds were against them, and during most, if not all of those epic battles, he saw more than one familiar face fighting. His best friends, godfather, professors, and others were at the forefront of this war and seeing their valiant effort gave him the hope to carry on when he no longer thought that he could.

As his thoughts paused there, he heard the sound of shifting from the chair beside him and he turned his gaze to meet the sleepy one of his godfather.

"Hey" Sirius said quietly when he saw that Harry was awake "How are you feeling?" he asked

"Better" answered Harry just as quietly, keeping his gaze focused to his clasped hands instead of looking into Sirius' worried eyes

"Are you hungry? Thirsty?" asked Sirius when Harry said nothing else

"Not really" he responded "Where is everyone else?" he asked timidly, dreading the answer, worried that Ron, Hermione, and Ginny still believed him to be a killer.

"Bed, it's about two in the morning" answered Sirius "Don't worry, Dumbledore talked to them and explained everything. They want to see you later, when you're feeling more up to it that is" he added hastily upon seeing the fearful look on his godson's face.

"Oh, ok then" he said, then paused for a moment as though trying to gather his thoughts "What about you?" he finally asked

"I believe the truth, that you are my godson, the son of my best friend, and that someone has been trying to tarnish your good name by doing horrendous deeds for the past five years while you were hurt in ways I can't even begin to imagine. Harry, I'm so sorry" he said suddenly and Harry had no idea how to respond, so he said the first thing that came to mind.

"What?' he asked dumbly

"I'm sorry Harry, you were right to get angry with us earlier. We are your family and we didn't even realize that you were gone until we found you, and even then we didn't even believe that it was you. What kind of family are we if we don't even realize that you had been missing for over five years?" he asked with his eyes glazing over with tears

"The kind that was taken in by a very elaborate hoax constructed by a very intelligent man and who no proof on the contrary of what they had seen with their own eyes, someone who looked exactly like me with the dark mark on his arm killing and torturing those who fought against his master" said Harry bluntly, his voice showing no emotion what so ever.

"Exactly, we should never have fallen for something so ludicrous as that, we all knew you would never do those things" said Sirius, begging for his godson's forgiveness

"But you did, Sirius, you did and that's what matters" said Harry, finally looking into his godfathers eyes.

What Sirius saw there made him feel even worse than he already did. The one green eye was hard and showed absolutely no emotion, as though he had resigned himself to what he said, that no one really cared for him as a person, only him as the hero of the wizarding world until the instant they found reason to turn on him. He thought that it would be like that for the rest of his life because of what had happened to him in the past years, and seeing this, Sirius vowed to himself that he would never allow this to happen, no matter what it took. As he made this silent promise, Harry had turned his back to his godfather and curled into a small ball and once again fell asleep, hoping his dreams would be filled of better times and not the constant horrors of Voldemort and his followers, but his prayers, as always, went unanswered.