AN: Thanks for the last batch of reviews, you guys! Onward with the craziness!


Chapter 9 - Michelle McCool & the Undertaker (OMG! Older/Younger Relationship Drama!)

Later...

Maury was onstage with Lauren McCool, WWE Diva Michelle McCool's mother.

"Everyone this is Lauren, welcome Lauren to the show." he announced.

"WHOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd cheered.

"Now y'see, Lauren is FURIOUS! Because her 32 year old daughter Michelle fell in love with and MARRIED a 46 year old man, The Undertaker!" he announced as the two were shown backstage, and the audience began a furious uproar.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

(To be honest, the age difference wasn't THAT bad, but for the purposes of this segment, let's pretend it's near illegal.)

"Now-" he began.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" they continued.

"Now, they've been married for two years! And Lauren has come here today to put a stop to this, and to steal her daughter back from a man who she calls a pervert, and a manipulator."

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" they cheered.


Video montage time!

Lauren said, "My 32 year old daughter Michelle is married to a 46 year old PERVERT! I'm 48 years old, and I'm mad as HELL, to know that my kid would give up her life to be with a guy that 's two years younger than I am! Undertaker tries to sabotage my relationship with my daughter, by making up lies and rumors about me! And to add insult to injury, my grandson hates me! Well, I blame Taker's ass for THAT! Michelle should be out partying, and enjoying her youth, but all she does is stay at home with his old ass! This is going to stop, TODAY."


Back onstage...

"You don't like that picture?" Maury asked, gesturing to Michelle and Undertaker standing side by side backstage.

"NO! That's-that's disgusting!" Lauren flinched.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"So what did you think when you first found out they were dating?" he asked.

"Like I said, I just thought that he was a pervert!-*audience cheer of approval*-She-when they started dating, she was 30 years old, and he was 44. And they met on (BLEEP!) phone chat line!" she explained. "In a chat room!"

Wait, how could a chat room be on a phone line?

Anyway...

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!"

Michelle screamed from backstage, "It doesn't matter! I LOVE HIM, it doesn't matter!"

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"He's an OLD MAN, chatting on the phone with my daughter! This needs to stop!"

"Ok, so-" Maury was cut off when the backstage production crew thought that it was a joke to start playing clips of Taker and Michelle kissing sloppily on the monitor.

"BLEH! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!" the audience roared, moaned, and groaned at this.

Lauren looked at this and scrunched her face. "UGH! GROSS! TAKE IT OFF THE SCREEN!"

Michelle and Taker shared one last kiss before the Diva smirked and looked back towards the camera. She was a grown ass woman, so she could do whatever she wanted.

"I'm your MOM!" Lauren exclaimed.

"I don't give a (BLEEP!)" Michelle snapped back.

"She's 32 years old! She should be youthful! She needs to be out there having fun!" she continued.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Meanwhile, you say that he's come between you and your daughter!" exclaimed Maury.

"He tells her that I don't love her! Can you believe that crap?" she demanded.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!"

"Ok, Michelle was in the hospital a little while ago, because she was sick. Those two live 20 minutes away from me, and I don't have a car. So I called her every day to make sure that she was okay-"

"Yeah right." Michelle rolled her eyes.

Taker spoke up for the first time, "You-You made NO EFFORT to come to that hospital!" he shouted, being drowned out by the crowd's boos. "YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE!"

Lauren angrily pointed towards the screen and cried, "WHATEVER! WHATEVER!"

"You're her MOM!" he continued.

"WHATEVER!"

"Her MOM!"

"YEAH, I'm her mom!" she cried back. "And you keep trying to come between us!"

"She almost choked on her jello and you weren't there!" Taker cried back.

"MY DAUGHTER! If it wasn't for me, you would not have her!" Lauren snapped.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Maury tried to calm her down. "All right, so Lauren, you know what we did? We gave him a lie detector test, to see if he's actually going out of his way to keep you and your daughter apart, ok?" he asked.

"Good!" she nodded.

"Listen to this." he announced.


Backstage video montage, take two...

"I met Taker when I was 30 and he was 44." Michelle announced, smiling. "I've loved Taker ever since I first lied eyes on him. *kisses him* Can you blame me? He's gorgeous!"

Undertaker added, "I love Michelle more than anything in the world. Not to mention that I have the sex life that any 46 year old could ever want, heh HEH!"

Michelle continued, "Even though there's 14 years between us, we like to keep it really spicy in the bedroom."

Taker was shown kissing Michelle's feet. Fetish?

"Whips, fetishes, edible underwear, everything. I'm his dominatrix!" she finished.

*outside audience disgust!*

"My mother refuses to accept my marriage to Undertaker, and she needs to back off, because he's not going anywhere." she finished.

Taker added, "Michelle's mother NEEDS to back off, because we love each other and we have a beautiful family together."

"I love Taker, and I don't give a damn about his age! If my mother wants to be in MY life, she better get used to it!" Michelle finished, with attitude. Nuff said.


Back onstage...

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Well, here they are. 32 year old Michelle and her husband, 46 year old Undertaker!" announced Maury.

The audience continued their boos as the two held hands and strolled onstage. Michelle immediately began waving her hand around, crying, "You have NO say in our relationship, mother!"

(BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!)-MY child!" Lauren yelled towards Taker, as he just sighed and said nothing.

(BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP!)

"You are CRAZY!" she continued. Nobody could really hear what anyone was saying due to the mix of bleeps, yelling, and the audience screaming like a crowd of banshees.

"It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter!" Michelle repeated as she and Taker took their seats on the other side of the stage.

"No, you are going to BE in my life, do you understand me?" Lauren demanded. "I don't care who doesn't like it!"

Maury changed the subject. "Undertaker! Nice to see ya!"

"Nice (BLEEP!) to see you, Maury." he nodded.

"Everybody, what's wrong with this picture?" asked Maury.

There was a garbled mix of boos, people crying 'HE'S TOO OLD!', and people pointing out the fact that Taker had some gray hairs beginning to show. Totally off topic, lol.

"HE'S TOO OLD!" added Lauren.

"YEAH!" agreed the crowd.

Michelle slumped in her seat and rolled her eyes.

"Michelle! What are you doing with a 46 year old?" asked Maury, with an amused smile on his face.

"I love him. And-" she began before the crowd cut her off with some more boos. "AND he takes damn good care of me! He treats-HE IS A GOOD FATHER-" she kept getting cut off.

"What does she know about love yet, she's with a damn pedophile!" Lauren exclaimed. (Technically, she wasn't, but whatever.)

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Whatever, whatever." Michelle smirked.

"But before we all judge each other, let's get something straight. Michelle, YOU called the show!" exclaimed Maury.

"Yes, I did." she agreed.

"Why?"

"Because I want my ma and Undertaker to learn to like each other." she answered, and the scene was pretty funny considering that there was a 6'10 man dressed entirely in black, glaring bullets through Michelle's totally normal looking mother. "I am going to be with him, she's my mother, and she's just gonna have to deal with it."

"Taker is INTERFERING with my relationship with my kid, and my grandson!" Lauren exclaimed.

"Hey you listen to me, I brought her over to your house! I-" began Taker.

"SHE MAKES YOU!" she cried. "Taker, when you first started bringing Michelle..."

"...you're her mother, and she loves you.." he spoke at the same that she did.

"He would stay outside, he wouldn't even come into my house!" Lauren exclaimed.

"That's because Fluffy nearly scared him half to death!" Michelle snapped. "And besides, he didn't have to bring me!"

"Chelle, I WANT to see you!" she exclaimed back.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"LIAR! You never wanted to come over! You NEVER came to see me!" the Diva began to break down. "You (BLEEEEEP) trying to-"

"NEVER!" Undertaker chimed in.

"I was stuck in the hospital sick, and you weren't there when I was choking off of that chunk of jello!" Michelle began sobbing. "You did NOT call me every day!"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!"

"What kind of mother doesn't come to see her daughter?" Taker demanded. This really wasn't his place to say anything.

Lauren shot him a look. "Who the HELL are you to judge what kind of mom I am?" she screamed, getting up in his face. "You're NOBODY!"

"Hey, you watch your mouth!" Taker cried, looking up at her.

"You are NOBODY to me!" she repeated. "That's MY child!"

Taker stood up and got all into her face, too! "And you haven't been taking care of her!" he shouted back.

She screamed about 2 inches from his nose, "HOW DO YOU KNOW?"

"I KNOW!" Taker responded.

"Where have you been? How the hell do you know?" she repeated, before two security guards had to lead her back to her seat and possibly restrain her.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the audience whooped.

Lauren sat down and appeared to be calm for a moment, but then stood back up and continued, "Who are you to judge ME?"

"Lauren, SIT DOWN." Maury announced.

"I'm not JUDGING YOU!" Taker called back, annoyed.

"YES, YOU ARE!" she cried back. "You judge me every day-"

"I KNOW what I said!" interrupted Taker.

"SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH AND LISTEN TO ME!" she cut him off. Angry woman was on a roll!

"WHOOO!"

"Lauren, calm down!" Maury stopped her.

She ignored him AGAIN! "You're a PERVERT!" she cried. "You can't judge what I feel for my daughter, you're nobody to me! She loves you, I don't!"

More cheers from the audience.

"Hey, hey, but you do need to respect him because I DO love him!" Michelle spoke up.

"How the hell could I respect somebody that's trying to turn you against me?" Lauren demanded.

"Ok, so here's the thing. I don't know much about personal relationships as much as my buddy, Dr. Jeff Gardere, what do you have to say about this, doc?" Maury asked the replacement psychiatrist that the show recieved ever since John Morrison quit that job to run off with one of the guests in the past.

So I'm going to run through his speech very quickly because it's boring as hell. Basically he said some stuff about emotions getting in the way of words, and blah, blah, blah, something about Taker TRYING to love Michelle, blah blah, trying to do the right things, yada yada, pathological reasons, blah, huge age range, Michelle not being loved enough by her mother, yada, finding parental love through Taker, blah blah, the end.

Taker lazily slumped in his seat and was instead reading the teleprompter that had the words that Maury was scripted to say during this waste of five minutes.

After the Doc was finished speaking, Michelle asked, "Yeah, WHY ma? Why am I finding parental love through him? Why is that?"

"We go to church. We have a life, we have a family-" began Taker.

"You're a BIGOT!" Lauren snapped.

"I am not a bigot!" he spat back.

Michelle began crying.

"Like you've ever seen the inside of a church!" Lauren cried back.

"Like I said, we go to church, she doesn't drink, she doesn't smoke, she doesn't go out and party-" the Deadman continued.

"Because you forbid it!" Michelle's mother interrupted.

"Cause we're living a good life!" he corrected her, his mascara framed eyes bugging out.

"You're nothing but a damned BIGOT!" Lauren repeated.

"You're terrible, you want her to drink and become an alcoholic..." Taker shouted at the same time that Lauren was yelling. "You want her to grow up to become a drug dealer?"

Michelle was now covering her face and sobbing at this mess that she created.

"DRUG DEALER?" Lauren demanded, getting up once again. "Ooh!"

The guards had to sit her down again.

"You think you're better than us because we were raised in the poor part of Florida! We were raised around drug dealers, SO WHAT?" Lauren screamed, as Michelle couldn't hear any more and decided to head backstage.

"Sit down, Michelle!" called Maury.

"Does that make you better than me?" her mother continued to grill Taker. The Deadman ignored her and joined her backstage as the crowd began booing.

"I hate you! Screw you, BITCH!" Michelle snapped. Damn.

"OH!" the crowd cried, absolutely shocked at this.

For shame, Michelle. For shame. :(

On the monitor onstage, Michelle broke down and sobbed in Taker's arms when Lauren asked onstage, "What the hell did she say?"

"I don't know what she said." Maury lied. He could've told her, but then he would've began another 10 minutes of pointless arguing. "So now I'm going to find Michelle, and we're gonna read the results, ok?"

"YEAH!" everyone cheered as he headed backstage to bring the happy couple back. He grabbed Michelle by the wrist while she was sobbing, and unsympathetically said, "C'mon, Michelle, everything's gonna be all right."

Soon afterwards, everyone was seated and order was restored.

"So Undertaker, do you have a problem with Lauren?" asked Maury.

"I-I just don't like the lifestyle, and..." he slowly began, while Lauren gave him this weirded out look.

"Do you think that Lauren has stolen from you?" he asked.

A few people in the audience chuckled for some apparent reason.

"Uh...well...nothing of much importance, but she DID steal from her grandchild." Taker said with a casual shrug. Ooh, BOMBSHELL!

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!"

"Wha?" asked Maury.

"That's what I heard."

"NO! Let me tell you what happened. When I went to their wedding, and I catered for their wedding, there was some change missing from the baby's bank. My granddaughter-" began Lauren.

"What change, there was over $100 missing from that piggy bank!" Michelle cried.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!"

"Wait a minute!" she cried.

"Take a lie detector test, then." the Diva suggested.

"No, I'm not!" she exclaimed back.

Before another uproar happened, Maury said, "All right, I have more important issues to get across here, like how he feels about you, Lauren, and if he has a misconception about how he feels about you, in terms of whether you think he is trying to keep you away from your daughter, all right?"

She nodded.

"So let's read the results of the lie detector test!" he announced, grabbing the envelope.

The results are IN!

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"You were asked if you were intentionally causing problems, Undertaker, between Michelle and her mother because you don't want Michelle to have a relationship with her. You said no and the lie detector determined...you're telling the truth!" he read.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Michelle rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

"You were asked, are you in love with Michelle. You said yes and the lie detector determined...you're telling the truth!"

More cheers from the audience.

"You were asked, do you picture spending the rest of your life with Michelle. You said yes and the lie detector determined...you're telling the truth. Now, Lauren, that's your daughter, that's your son in law, you have a grandbaby. Think of the bigger, bigger situation here, all right?"

Lauren nodded in agreement.

"We'll be back right after this." he announced.


All was finally calm onstage, but after the show backstage...

Michelle was still in tears after seeing the bad blood between her mother and her 46 year old husband. She told a camera, "No, I'm NOT upset, I'm pissed as hell!"

The executive producer dude said, "Let's have you, Taker, talk to Lauren alone, ok?"

Bad freaking idea, dude.

Later...

"This must be what happens everyday between you two, huh?" he asked.

"You're just a damn liar!" Taker cried.

"Oh, NOW you're calling me a LIAR?" demanded Lauren, shoving him back.

"Don't touch me!" the Deadman snapped.

"I will BEAT your ass, PERVERT!" Lauren snapped back, as the producer had to hold her back.

"Hey, hey, hey!" he tried to stop her.

"Go ahead, try me! I'm the Deadman/The American Badass! TRY ME!" he snapped back.

"I will beat you DOWN." Lauren threatened.

"Hey hey, come ooooonnnn!" the producer dude cried. "Time out!"

"You and me are gonna have a problem." she continued.

Later...

A few guards had to lead Taker and Michelle away for their own good as Lauren cried after him, "You ARE stupid, IDIOT! (BLEEP!)"

Undertaker glared back at her, spanked Michelle, and chuckled before they headed off. He narrowly missed a shoe that was thrown at him, courtesy of Lauren.

"Ok ok, we're done, forget my bad ideas." the producer said. He turned to Lauren and said,
"You can't go on like this, Lauren."

"You know what, I have nothing to say to either one of em! He can take her! Let him go! I have 15 other grandkids. (DAMN!) Let him go." she finished.

...

Hey, kids, there's an update on what happened to Lauren, Michelle, and Undertaker since the show!

Turns out that a week after their appearance on the show, Undertaker was arrested for allegedly using his American Badass gimmick to rob a bank.

Now he is currently serving time in Sing Sing correctional facility.

There are now also other investigations going on regarding him robbing other banks in the area as well.

Michelle heard of the news and fell into a temporary depression after finding out that Taker had lied and told her that he was going to work, but was robbing banks, and there is a possibility of a divorce in their future, if Taker was to be convicted. But on the positive side, Michelle and Lauren had rekindled their mother-daughter relationship, and to help with this tough period in Michelle's life, the Maury show sent the family a gift - A $25 gift card to Wal Mart.


AN: Love this one! Stay tuned for more Maury madness!