CHAPTER NINE
It was past midnight when Bella dropped me off in front of my apartment building. I went up and headed straight for the fridge, pulling out ingredients for a sandwich. As I munched, I looked for my phone to check for messages. We had rather left in a hurry last night, so I hadn't taken it with me.
The disembodied voice on the line intoned, "You have twelve new messages."
Ugh.
"Edward, where are you? I've been trying to call you and Jasper all day, and neither of you is answering! What is going on? Call me." The four previous messages were also from mom, and they were just like this one. I erased them and moved on, deciding to call her tomorrow.
"Yo, fucker, Emmett here. You coming over tomorrow for rehearsal? You know it's 'Pick Your Poison' night this weekend, and there're a few songs in there we need to go over a couple times. By the way, I heard about Tanya. Is it gonna get weird with James? Let me know about tomorrow."
I'd forgotten about 'Pick Your Poison' night. One night a month, Valentin puts out a box for the audience to drop in song requests. He then draws out twelve slips, and those make up our set. People always made it a point to show up to those nights, eager to see their picks played live. His comment about James did make me curious; I wondered what he'd heard. In any case, there would be no weirdness in that department. I was so enthralled with Bella that I couldn't even remember there were other women on the planet. Tanya who?
I finally got to the last message. "Edward? It's me. We need to talk. I know we're supposed to be on a break, but it's very immature of you not to pick up the phone when I call you. Call me back." Oh, that Tanya. I was sure I'd be hearing from her whether I wanted to or not, so I wouldn't be rushing to call her back, that was for damn sure. And what was this 'we're on a break' talk? I thought I'd been very clear that it was a permanent split. As Emmett would delicately put it, bitch be crazy.
Tossing my phone on a chair, I went into the bathroom as I pulled off my shirt. After a quick shower, I sat on my bed, reliving the past 24 hours in my head. So much had changed in so little time, yet my life felt as if this is how it should have been all along.
Bella's face appeared in my mind's eye, and the overwhelming feelings I had for her earlier today in that heavenly place where she took me returned in full force, warming my entire body. My eyes fell on my guitar, neglected and all but abandoned in a corner of my room. I seldom played it anymore, but suddenly I was itching to strum it. I was on the verge of bursting with all these newfound emotions, and playing something mellow surely would be a good release.
"Hello, old friend," I muttered as I picked up the guitar and settled back on the bed. The instrument felt familiar in my hands; I carried it around everywhere I went during high school. The advantage of it was that I could play it anywhere, not needing an amp to go with it.
I tried on a few chords for size, reacquainting myself with the instrument, when a song started weaving itself through the strings. I'd always felt self-conscious about singing, — that was more Jasper's thing — so the words fell softly from my lips. It was fitting, though.
Wise men say only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay
Would it be a sin
If I can't help falling in love with you
Like a river flows surely to the sea
Darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand, take my whole life, too
For I can't help falling in love with you
Like a river flows surely to the sea
Darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand, take my whole life, too
For I can't help falling in love with you
Good ol' Elvis.
I kept my head bent down over the guitar, wishing I could serenade Bella with this song. Take my hand, take my whole life, too.
A sudden gust of wind disturbed the otherwise still air in my room.
"You sound a lot better than the original," a velvety voice whispered from the window.
Bella sat on the windowsill, one leg dangling outside, looking completely at ease as if she had been sitting there the entire time. Her long hair fell partially over her face, obscuring it from view, but a sliver of light glinted off her cheek.
It should have shocked me to see her there, but all I could feel was something akin to ecstasy as I hungrily gazed at her, elated that she'd heard the song.
She hopped down from the window and came to sit by me on the bed. I still hadn't said anything; I just basked in the relief of seeing her again. It'd been barely an hour since we parted, but it seemed like a lifetime.
"Sorry to barge in like that," she said with a small smile, now seemingly nervous as my silence continued. "I just missed you."
"My door is always open to you, Bella. Or window, in this case," I assured her with a lighthearted chuckle.
She smiled, too, and gingerly laid her hand against the side of my neck. My eyes drifted shut as I froze with anticipation. I felt her breath chilling my skin as she traced my jaw with a graze of her lips. Bella stalled her progress when she reached the base of my neck, planting a delicate kiss there. It took all my willpower to hold myself in place and not attack her then and there. The torture of the limited contact and the slow, gentle way she touched me was exquisite.
My throat was constricted with the grunts I was choking down; my mouth was watering, my stomach was clenched tight. When Bella removed her lips from my neck, I wanted to cry for the loss.
"It's very late, I should let you get to sleep. I just needed a little taste to hold me over through the night," she said with a mischievous little smirk.
The woman was trouble. Delicious trouble. If she thought I'd be able to sleep after that, she was out of her mind.
"Um, yeah," I stammered. Was she really going to leave me… like this?
Bella pecked me on the lips and headed towards the window. "I'll get to the club with Alice with plenty of time before your set starts. See you tomorrow night, Edward." She waved her fingers at me and slid out of sight.
Yes, she was.
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I pulled up in front of Jasper's dorm, reaching for my jacket on the passenger seat as I opened my door. It was already past 10am and we were due at Emmett's in less than thirty minutes. Dammit, I knew it would take me at least that long to just get Jasper out of bed, so we were definitely going to be late.
The car door slammed behind me as I shrugged into my jacket and almost fell over in shock. Not only was Jasper awake, but he was sitting on the front steps, holding his guitar case between his legs. I checked my watch again to make sure it wasn't the middle of the afternoon. I'll be damned, the son of a bitch is up on his own before noon.
Okay, Ashton, come on out. I must be on Punk'd.
As soon as he spotted me, Jasper picked up his case and jogged over to me, slapping me once on the shoulder and popping the trunk open to stow his guitar. I was still too shocked to speak.
"Bro, you okay over there?" Jasper asked with a hesitant smirk.
"Um, yeah, sorry. How the hell did you drag your ass out of bed on your own so early? Bella and I left last night before you and Alice, and we got in pretty late as it was."
Jasper's face lit up with amusement. "Alice felt bad for getting me in so late, so she showed up this morning to get me out of bed in time to meet up with you."
I just became Alice's biggest fan. Well, second biggest, judging by the fanatic gleam in Jasper's eyes.
"I wanted her to come to rehearsal with us," he continued in a disheartened tone, "but she was adamant about going shopping with Bella. She said we won't be sorry for their being gone all day, whatever that means." He shrugged and got in the car.
When we arrived at Emmett's, James was already there. He gave me a little shit eating grin as I walked in that made me want to ask how he was enjoying my sloppy seconds, but I figured that'd be kind of childish. He had been to Perestroika the night before to pick up the list for 'Pick Your Poison' night. I scanned it quickly and handed it back to Emmett; it was not going to be one of our best nights. Some of the songs were old, but still awesome. Others, however, I wasn't too enthusiastic about. Careless Whisper? Whoever put that in there, I hoped they were expecting the Seether version; Jasper was already going to have too much fun with that as it was.
Emmett was reading the list, absent-mindedly tapping a pen to his lips. "Edward, you'd better play first guitar for I Remember You, let Jasper play acoustic for that one, then switch back to the bass for Slow Ride. And you're also gonna have to sing the Theory of a Dead Man song, it's too low for Jasper's voice. Let's do that one acoustic with two guitars. Jasper, you're playing harmony with Edward. Let's start with that one," Emmett decided. After a moment's pause, he thought better of it. "We'll do I'll Remember You next, then you can switch back to bass and stick with it for the rest of the night," he said, changing his mind about the order of the songs.
I nodded in agreement, unable to keep the grimace off my face. Every once in a while, there would be a song in the pile that I'd have to sing, a song that required a lower voice. Though I always felt jittery when I had to sing in public, I was looking forward to singing that one, especially with Bella there to listen.
James, however, didn't seem too excited about the idea. "Last time I checked, I was the other guitarist here, not Edward. What the fuck, Emmett? Why is he playing first guitar for that song?" He fumed.
"Because you can't pull off the solo, and since Jasper is singing, playing the acoustic will give him more freedom to focus on that. Now untwist your panties and go set up," Emmett deadpanned, though his expression made it clear that the subject was closed.
Jasper shot me a look that said, I'm not going near that one.
James stalked off to unpack his gear, visibly pissed off.
This was definitely not going to be one of our best nights.
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Bella POV
"Won't we be slightly overdressed wearing this stuff to the club tonight? Perestroika is not exactly the Boom Boom Room," I argued in exasperation as Alice pushed a dress into my hands.
"Who cares? The boys will love it, and that's all that matters. Trust me, you have to wear the Stella tonight. Edward won't even know what hit him," Alice insisted. She did have a point.
I smiled indulgently at her. We had spent the afternoon at Neiman Marcus, after Alice took one look at our overflowing closets and declared we had nothing to wear for tonight. I had very little interest in clothes and shopping in general, but she was quite passionate about fashion, how could I deny her? It had been 90 years since Alice was changed, but I still felt the overwhelming urge to give in to whatever she wanted in an effort to assuage the horrors she went through when she was human. She remembered none of it, but what I saw on her last day as a human still haunted me.
"Bella? Are you listening to me?" Alice said, snapping her fingers in front of my face.
I bristled with feigned indignation. "Of course I am. You want me to wear the Stella. What do you say about the silver Jimmy Choo's to go with it?"
Alice perked up at once. "Perfect!" She squealed, and dashed into the closet to retrieve the sky-high strappy stilettos.
The dress Alice picked out for me was truly stunning. It was a Stella McCartney mini-dress of deep blue guipure lace, long sleeved and form-fitting. The lining of the dress matched my skin color, so it looked as though my skin was visible through the lace. I hoped Edward would like it.
"Alice, have you decided on yours?" I asked her, wondering which of the twelve dresses she purchased would be her choice for tonight.
"The leather and lace Valentino," she purred.
I nodded in approval. The sweetheart dress had a leather corset and a lace over silk skirt; it appeared sweet and innocent, but hinted at a wild streak underneath. It had looked gorgeous on Alice when she tried it on at the store.
"And the black knee-high boots?" I presumed.
Alice nodded enthusiastically.
"I guess we are all set then. Shall we get ready?" I said, reaching for my dress.
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Edward POV
The place was packed to capacity tonight, and we weren't even going on for another hour. I wasn't surprised, though; it usually was on 'Pick your Poison' nights. I sat at the bar, the beer in front of me all but forgotten. My eyes were glued to the entrance, eager to see Bella come through the doors.
Something cold touched the back of my neck, and warmth spread through me.
"Hey, stranger," Bella whispered behind me. How had I missed her come in? I hadn't looked away from the door for a second. I turned around without rising from the stool, my mouth opened as I was about to ask her just how she had snuck in, but then my eyes fell on her. And I forgot how to speak.
Bella was sheathed in a lacy dress that looked like it had been painted on her body. I pulled her to me and held her close, basking in the contentment of touching her. It still caught me off guard just how empty I felt without her near me. The idea that I already couldn't be without her boggled my mind.
"I've missed you so much." The words tumbled out of my lips; I had meant to ask her how her day had been.
She gazed at me intently, and I could see my own longing reflected in her eyes.
"As I have missed you," she said, never looking away from my face.
Unwilling to wait a second longer, I leaned over and touched my lips to hers. I vaguely wondered if it would always feel like this, as if it were the first time. I might have forgotten where we were momentarily, because as my hands started roaming over Bella's body while I kissed her, I heard someone clear their throat next to me.
Bella broke the kiss, and I turned to find Emmett standing there. "What is it, Em? I'm busy."
"I can see that. Aren't you going to introduce me?" He prompted with a wolfish grin.
"Bella, Emmett, Emmett, Bella. Now, get lost," I recited quickly.
Bella held out her hand to Emmett, which he took in both of his, and kissed it as if this was 1932.
"Hey, stop frenching my girlfriend's hand," I was saying, but stopped myself, suddenly unsure. Bella and I had not yet discussed the actual status of our relationship. Were we officially together? Would she be upset that I referred to her as my girlfriend? What if I were assuming too much, or she didn't want other people to know?
I wasn't left to fret for long. Bella placed a cool hand on the back of my neck, scraping her fingertips there lightly, and whispered to me, "It's all right, Edward." Could she tell what had been troubling me just a second ago? Somehow it felt like she was soothing my unspoken fears, as well as meaning that she wasn't bothered by Emmett making out with her hand. Turning back to him, Bella nodded with a charming, friendly smile. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Emmett."
"The pleasure is all mine. I've been curious to meet the girl that knocked Masen here on his ass," he boomed with a laugh.
He seemed completely oblivious as I glared at him. "Don't you have to go set up your gear or something?" I said curtly, and took a swig of my beer.
"Relax, Masen. I won't bite," Emmett snickered.
"I might," Bella replied with a mischievous grin.
The sip of beer I had been in the process of swallowing came shooting out my nose as I choked and snorted at her words. In a second, Bella had a napkin in her hand, which she used to dab gently at my face as she laughed softly.
"I'm sorry, Edward, but I couldn't resist it. The look on his face…" Bella said, and lapsed into chuckles again.
My own face broke into a wide smile at the sight of her glee.
Jasper appeared next to me, clapping his free hand to my shoulder. The other was tightly encased in Alice's. "Hey, bro. I already set up our stuff for tonight, so you don't have to worry about it," he said. "Alice helped me," he continued, looking down at the beaming girl next to him with open fascination. It just added to my happiness that my brother had found his true love as I did, and that, though it the whole thing was very unique, — if I were being honest, completely insane — we'd be living through it together. It was oddly comforting to know that I'd always have my brother with me. We've seen each other through all kinds of situations over the years, and it gave me a measure of security to know that I'd always have that. There was just one piece missing; if only Rosalie could be here. As much as I leaned on Jasper, he leaned on me just the same. Rose, however, was the rock, the safe port. Growing up, I could always count on her steer me through murky waters. Right then, I decided I would go to Italy and see her during winter break. I wondered if Bella would want to join me; I'd love for her to meet Rose.
Emmett returned then, James on his heels. He still looked sore about not playing first guitar for one fucking song. Seriously, are we in second grade or something? He needed to get over himself. Emmett, on the other hand, looked positively delighted. "Edward, you didn't tell me you and Jasper were dating sisters! And smoking hot sisters, too," he crowed.
Sisters? We'd never said they were sisters; they didn't even look alike. They had the same pale skin and honey-colored eyes, but their similarities ended there. But now I was wondering about that myself. I didn't think they were sisters; Bella called Esme mother, and referred to her as such, while Alice called her Esme. I realized I didn't really know the actual dynamics of the Cullen family. I made a mental note to ask Bella about it later.
I stuttered some, not knowing what to say to Emmett, when Alice intervened. "So you guys are playing Careless Whisper tonight?" She asked Emmett. "Jasper is so excited to play that song, but I'm not entirely sold on the version by Seether. George Michael was so dreamy singing that song, and I usually prefer the original version of songs, you know?" Alice rattled off at top speed, effectively distracting everyone from the "sisters" comment.
Bella was looking at Alice with an approving smirk, when she suddenly stiffened. It lasted only a fraction of a second before her face relaxed again, but I detected the tension spike by the way the hand that had been caressing the back of my neck stilled and hardened for a brief instant.
"Edward, Jasper, you guys should go get ready," Bella prompted. "You're on in 10 minutes, are you not?"
Emmett looked behind us at that, noting that Valentin was hopping on stage to announce the 10 minute break between shows and that Babylon was up next.
"Again, a pleasure to meet you, Bella, Alice," he said, and walked towards the side of the stage, beckoning us to follow him.
I gave Bella a kiss that I was reluctant to break, so she took it upon herself to pry us apart and shoo'ed me with a giggle. Her face looked off though; the smile didn't reach her eyes. Walking towards the stage, I turned to look at her once more, but she had already vanished from the spot where I left her, along with Alice.
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Bella POV
"She'll be here in two minutes and thirty-seven seconds," Alice muttered when her eyes came back into focus.
"Any idea what she wants?" I asked, as we moved to stand against the very back wall, without losing sight of the stage.
"For now, she just wants to make her presence known as she passes through town so that we don't think she's up to no good. She doesn't want a repeat of last time," Alice answered.
Memories of our last encounter flashed in my mind. Piles of bodies in dark alleys, the newscasts abuzz with reports of unexplained deaths; exsanguinated bodies with minimal external damage. The humans were baffled, at a loss for an explanation for what was happening.
My family, however, had known exactly what was happening. There had been a vampire on the loose in Seattle, hunting indiscriminately. We had a tough time finding the culprit and it took a lot of threats to get her to leave town before our cover was so endangered that we'd have to move ourselves.
Now, she was back. Hopefully, she knew better than to repeat her little rampage this time around.
"Stand beside me, and keep your eyes on the stage, but don't let her notice that you're watching out for any particular humans. I'll deal with her," I instructed. Alice simply nodded and took her position.
The place we chose to wait was empty of humans, who were either at the bar getting drinks, or congregating closer to the stage in expectation of the next show. If we had to leave in haste, we would be able to slip out unnoticed.
Two minutes and thirty seconds passed, and my eyes cut the door. I wanted to follow her every move from the second she entered the building. Tension was stretching my nerves tight; having Edward in any kind of situation that could prove remotely dangerous set my instincts on edge, but I focused on not letting it show on my face. It would be unwise to draw attention to the fact that I was concerned about a specific human.
Alice was doing no better, I could feel the anxiety radiating off of her. She was as worried for Jasper as I was for Edward. "Alice, calm yourself," I hissed with a second to spare before the newcomer was standing before us.
"Bella, Alice," she said with a nod of her head to each of us.
Thankfully, Alice had managed to appear cool and collected, and it was with warmth that I did not feel that I returned the greeting. "Hello, Victoria. How lovely to see you."
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Edward POV
We were on in one minute, and I was frantically searching for Bella before the lights were dimmed, signaling the start of our set. I found her just a few seconds before the club was plunged into semi-darkness. Alice stood slightly behind her while she talked to a red-haired chick. I couldn't see a face, her back was towards the stage. All I could make out was a long mane of fiery red curls.
Valentin was walking onto the stage to announce our set at the same time that I saw Tanya walk in with a couple of her girlfriends in tow. I couldn't help the pang of guilt as I realized she was looking rough. Her strawberry blond hair was not in its usual shiny, smooth curls, but rather limp and scraggly around her face. She had no make up on, nor was she dressed in her customary designer clothes. She looked positively forlorn.
James had seen her enter, too. The look of pure venom he shot me was unmistakable. He thought she looked this ragged because of me, but it was clear on his face that he was upset not because Tanya was hurting, but because he was jealous that she was still hung up on me. How much of an asshole can he possibly be? I hoped Tanya found happiness with someone, but James was definitely not going to be it.
I picked up my guitar and settled on a stool in front of the mic, Jasper taking the stool to my left. The lights came on above us, I counted to three with dull thuds on the guitar's body, and we began playing.
I remember all the summer days
Drinking wine in the sunshine
I hope it never leaves
And I remember all the summer nights
Staring at you in the moonlight
I hope you never leave
Cause baby you're so good to me
You have all that I ever need.
It's easy to love you
So easy to love you
You know it's true
The best part of being with you,
To know you're with me
It's not so hard to say
It's easy to love you
Scanning the audience, my eyes fell on Tanya, who was staring intently at me, mouthing along the words to the song. Awkward. I could feel James's eyes practically boring a hole in the back of my head. I looked away, continuing to sing, looking for the one that made my heart swell with the truth of the lyrics. Bella was still at the back with Alice, the redhead girl standing next to her, looking at the stage with an enraptured expression. It was easier to see her face now, her skin shone pale in the dim lights. It suddenly occurred to me that she was probably one, too… another vampire. Was Bella in any danger? I shook my apprehension before it could fully set in, bringing my mind back to the moment.
A smile broke over my face as I sang the next verses to the only woman that mattered.
You and me will be together
I know our love will last forever
You and me will be together
I know our love will last forever
You know it's true
The best part of being with you
You're easy to love
Bella grinned back at me, and I had to remind myself that I had to keep playing. I just wanted to jump off the stage and wrap my arms around her. It was official, I'd become a romantic fool. And I was loving every minute of it.
The song ended and I moved to switch instruments, taking Jasper's stool away as he stepped over to sit on the one I had been occupying. James shot me some extra hateful glares for good measure; we were playing I Remember You next, the Skid Row song. I still didn't get why he was so pissed off about not playing first guitar for a song by a fucking 90's hair band, but whatever, at this point I didn't give a shit. I guess I wasn't the only one with PMS days, I thought darkly.
Jasper brought the house down with his vocal prowess for I Remember You, and I had a blast playing Slow Ride, and with that, we were in high spirits by the time our set ended. The girl that had been speaking to Bella earlier seemed to have left sometime during our set; she was nowhere to be found. Bella and Alice were waiting for us near the front of the bar, and I couldn't get to my girl fast enough. As soon as I pulled her to me, the dull ache in my chest disappeared; the briefest touch of her skin was like a balm to my Bella-addicted soul.
Emmett strolled over to the bar, followed by a few girls with obvious kinky drummer fantasies. I didn't see where James had run off to, but I was glad he wasn't around. That dude needed to chill the fuck out, and I didn't need him around to sour my mood. Not that he would accomplish that when I had Bella with me, but still.
"You guys were great," Alice was gushing as she hung on to Jasper's arm as if it were a lifeline.
"Thanks," I said. Turning to Bella, I asked her, "Are you ready to leave?" I was anxious to be alone with her.
Her eyes flickered to Alice's for a fraction of a second before she shook her head and said, "Let's stay here a little longer. I'd love to see the next show."
Lenny? She wanted to watch Lenny's show? What in the hell? I was about to open my mouth to argue against it, but the look of sweet expectation on her face silenced me. "Sure, love, whatever you want," I assented with a sigh. I sat down on a stool with my back to the bar, tucking Bella between my legs with her back to my chest, my arms tight over her shoulders. Goosebumps erupted all over my body when her hand came to rest on top of mine, though somehow I doubted they were caused by the coolness of her touch.
Bella turned her neck to feather a kiss on my jaw, and I could resist no longer. My lips met hers, and I devoured them hungrily. I kissed her harder than it was polite for a public place, but I didn't care, and apparently neither did she. I lost myself in the ecstasy of my mouth on hers, surreptitiously running my tongue over her bottom lip. It felt like sucking on a silky, frozen cherry, and the taste and sensation of it were out of this world. It was a very good thing that she was standing in front of me; my shirt wasn't long enough and I needed the cover. But of course, the fact that her body was pressed against the length of mine didn't help matters, either.
The lights dimmed once again, and Bella broke the kiss to face the stage and applaud along with everyone else as Valentin announced Lenny's set. I didn't clap, though. That would require relinquishing the feel of her in my arms and letting go of her was not something I was capable of right now. When the clapping died down, she turned her head once more, but this time, to whisper in my ear, "I love you."
So this is what pure, unadulterated joy felt like. A stupid grin smeared itself on my face, happiness oozing from my every pore.
"Isn't Lenny just great?" I asked Jasper with an enthusiasm that most would think was drug-induced. Jasper just stared at me like I'd lost my mind.
We ended up staying at the club for the entirety of Lenny's show. Babylon usually closed the night, but on Pick Your Poison nights, we always went on before the last act since it's a longer set. It was very late when we finally got to my apartment, but I was far from tired. I had been glued to Bella since I left the stage tonight, and being with her just infused me with energy. I felt like I could jump out the window and fly. Okay, bad analogy.
I tossed my jacket, wallet, and keys on a chair and pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge. Before I could think of what I was saying, I turned to Bella. "Can I offer you anything?"
She raised her eyebrows in amusement as she answered, "Sure, a pint of O neg would be great. Shaken, not stirred, hold the olive."
"Sorry, we're fresh out," I quipped back, not missing a beat. It was astounding to me that I could already be so cavalier about her realities, and joke with her about drinking blood. That made me speculate about what was it in the blood that made it palatable to vampires. I'd tasted my own blood before the way most people have, you know, sucking on a paper cut, and it tasted kind of gross, metallic and bitter. I was vaguely wondering how it would taste to me once I became one of them when I was jolted out of my reverie by the realization that I was thinking about human blood. Truthfully, that was something I hoped I'd never taste, because in order to do that, I'd have to basically commit murder. I wasn't at all comfortable with that possibility.
"Bella, can I ask you something?"
"Of course," she answered from her perch on my bed. Her silvery shoes sat neatly on the floor next to my nightstand.
"Have you ever…" I waffled. How could I ask her if she'd ever killed anyone? I felt like an asshole for asking, but I decided I needed to know. I swallowed my hesitation and plowed on. "Have you ever… slipped? You know, cheated on your diet?" Yeah, talk to girls about their diet, there's an icebreaker. Though I suppose this was a slightly different situation; candy bars weren't sentient beings.
She didn't answer at first, but merely looked at me with her warm caramel eyes that turned sad, and I had my answer. She had slipped before, and she felt like shit about it. My question had brought her shortcoming into stark relief; she was visibly upset. Good job, Masen, you fucking asshole.
"I'm sorry, Bella, I shouldn't have asked," I hastened to apologize, sitting next to her on the bed.
"It's all right, you have a right to ask," she whispered in a small voice. "It was a long time ago," she added. "In the beginning, it's very hard to control your impulses, and I put myself in a situation where the temptation became too much." Her eyes were downcast, her face a mask of regret for succumbing to her nature.
I simply sat there, digesting what she'd told me. How did I feel about it? Bella had killed someone, not out of greed, or hatred, but simply because it was her nature to do so. Much like a lion and an antelope, humans were her natural food source. I tried to picture a lion living on cucumbers, and it dawned on me the supreme willpower it must take Bella and the Cullens to resist the sustenance they were designed to consume. From what she'd told me, the vast majority of vampires didn't bother with denying themselves human blood. It didn't make me uncomfortable now to know that she had killed before. I only felt a deep compassion for her, seeing on her face how repentant she was for her slip, and an enormous amount of respect the Cullens for their efforts to preserve human lives. Bella truly was a pure soul.
After a long pause, she asked, "Do I disgust you now?"
The incongruence between her question and how I felt about her in this moment threw me off completely. "What? No! How can you think that?" I pulled her to me, hugging her close, desperate to reassure her. "I could never feel anything other than the utmost adoration for you," I whispered into her hair. "I'm actually in awe of you," I admitted.
Bella pulled out of my embrace to look me in the eyes, as if she had misunderstood me. "Awe?"
I nodded vehemently. "The self-control you and your family have to be able to turn away from the only food that actually appeals to you, I can't even imagine it. I hope…I hope I can have that same strength someday, when I…you know…" It felt good to admit this fear out loud.
She touched my face gently, never taking her eyes off of mine. "You will, Edward. I will help you, we all will. I won't let you fall into the same traps I did. You will not live with regrets, this I promise you," she vowed. I believed her.
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The last few days had been amazing. Bella and I spent every spare moment together, and each day was better than the last. Last night we stayed at her apartment, watching old movies and making out like teenagers. A part of me — and uh, it's a big part, if I may say so myself — was eager to escalate the make out sessions but, for the first time in my life, I was uneasy about moving things forward. Not that I thought Bella would reject me; I just didn't know how to go about it. We haven't talked about this particular aspect of our relationship yet, and I was afraid to fuck things up. Was there anything different about sex with a vampire? Besides, I felt slightly guilty for my indecent thoughts, something else new for me. It was completely irrational, but I had this image of Bella that was just pure, immaculate. I felt like a perv every time I caught myself imagining her naked, but there was no denying that I wanted her desperately. I suspected she knew exactly how much; I had trouble holding back my enthusiasm when she was close to me, if you get my drift.
"Earth to Edward," Jasper called, hitting me in the face with a french fry that he had the courtesy of drenching in ketchup first.
"What the hell?" I yelped, wiping ketchup off my nose. "Bastard, I'll get you," I muttered, promising untold horrors as revenge.
Bella and Alice were in class, and Jasper and I were grabbing a burger at the cafeteria on campus. The girls only had the one class this afternoon, so we decided to wait for them. I had wanted to eat in the meantime so I didn't have to waste time away from Bella later to scavenge dinner.
The little shit laughed heartily at the success of his missile attack, which pissed me off enough to grab an ice cube out of my cup and chuck it at him. It seemed that when left to our own devices, we reverted to our pre-teens.
"Hey!" Jasper complained, wiping the front of his shirt with a greasy napkin that made an even bigger mess of it.
"That'll teach you," I said smugly.
"Jackass," Jasper growled.
"You started it, asshole," I retorted. We were so mature.
Jasper shot me an annoyed look that quickly turned to one of apprehension as he spotted something behind me. "Tanya's here," he whispered with a quick jerk of his head in her direction.
The groan was out of my mouth a second before she was standing next to me. She was going to bitch me out for not calling her back, I just knew it.
Before she could say anything, I began, "Look, Tanya, I'm sorry I didn't return your call, but I've been very busy, and…"
"I don't care," she cut me off abruptly. Looking at me, and then Jasper, she asked, "Have you guys seen James?"
"Broken up already? That was fast," Jasper interjected.
Tanya shook her head, a frantic edge to her movements, but otherwise ignored Jasper's comment. "He's been out of reach for days, hasn't shown up to classes, none of his friends have seen him, nor his parents. His roommate says he hasn't been back since he left for the club last weekend, but all his things are still in his room."
Come to think of it, I hadn't seen James since we got off the stage on Pick Your Poison night.
"I haven't seen him since we played last weekend," I told her.
"I haven't, either," Jasper piped in, suddenly looking concerned.
With a look of barely controlled panic, Tanya whimpered, "I think James is missing."
A/N:
So sorry for the delay in posting an update. Life just got crazy for a bit there, but I won't go without updating this long again. I hope you like it, and I'd love to hear what you think!
Thanks for reading ;)
