Author's note: Okay, this was idea was submitted by someone who actually REVIEWED!! Remember, if you review and suggest something I may end up using it! So thank you Tater2628 (reviewer actually changed their name that was their name when they reviewed) for the idea I'm going to use. Also, thanks to my readers and reviewers… and my beta of course. I'm not going to even bother typing out my beta's pen name anymore. I'm done with that. Yeah…

Beta's Note: --glares sullenly-- Um, soo….. Someone got their dates mixed up for when the annotated bibliography for the history project was due…. --glares at Carny-- I was up until past midnight actually WORKING yesterday, so I may have missed glaringly obvious mistakes.

Disclaimer: For the last time, I DON'T OWN DEATH NOTE!! If you people think I do, then you are seriously deluded. Oh, and I don't own any movies or movie sequels I make fun of. HA movie bashing.

What if…

L got chicken pox and everyone ditched, leaving Raito to work with the sick detective (Oh gad, this sounds like a crappy soap opera)

Headquarters was Raito's new home; after being practically kidnapped by his best friend he had come to live there. It was okay for the most part. Huge building: good, high tech equipment: good, but… being chained to your best friend 24/7: not good.

"For the last time, Ryuzaki! I am not sleeping in the same bed as you!! What if you have AIDS or something?! I could die! Am I supposed to risk my life for a night of comfort?" Who knows- maybe you could get AIDS from sleeping in the same bed as someone else! (Raito fell asleep during the Sex Ed video).

"Raito-kun, I never said we were sleeping in the same bed. I said 'sleep on the floor beyatch.' I never said 'share my bed', as much as you might wish I had. Freak." L probably needed more sleep than he said- he had been getting really grumpy lately.

"Why does everyone think I'm gay?!" shouted Raito.

"Because we all know it's true."

Raito threw a pillow at L's face. He was too tired for a fist fight; staying up thirty-six hours straight was not good for the human body.

After a couple pillow throws Raito passed out from fatigue on the bed. Of course, L was pissed but he couldn't wake him up.

"Raito-kun! Get up, you lazy cow! Don't steal my bed, it's my bed! Get off! Freaking whore!" Despite all the pushing and shoving, nothing could wake him up. So L did what any normal person does; he chained Raito to the bed and left via the door.

"Watari, I'm going out make sure the murderer doesn't escape his prison. Oh, and make sure Matsuda doesn't do anything stupid," said L, passing Watari on the way out of the building.

"Sure thing, Ryuzaki."

(L's night out)

L walked through the mall at about three am looking at some lovely if not overly priced Christmas items in January. That's how messed up the shopping industries are. Then he found it; the Mecca of all candy stores. 'Frankie Fudgesicles Fudgelicious Fudge shop of absolute Fantasmic Fudgeyness of Fudge'. (Did we mention they have fudge?) L walked in with wide eyes. He was in heaven; wait, no. In heaven, Raito would be in confinement.

"But mommy, I wanna candy bar!" screamed a little girl covered in red bumps.

"Honey, maybe when you're better." The little girl screamed and thrashed about. Damn she wanted that candy.

"But I really want it!"

"No, honey." The mom looked around, a faint blush on her cheeks.

"But mommy!" shouted the little girl, instantly creating a scene.

"No, honey!"

"NOOOOOOO!" shouted the little girl. Crying, she thrashed about, knocking down several stacks of candy. So L, being the naïve twit that he is, decided to interfere with the crying child (remember, people: never stop a screaming toddler with force, even if you really want to) and gave her a kick in the shins. The girl decided to bite L's forearm.

"Gah! She bit me! The freaking toddler bit me!" Then the mom hit him across the cheek with a purse and he was kicked out of the store.

"Nooooooo! My candy! Why can't I get my candy?!" sobbed L. Feeling rejected he decided to go back to headquarters and make sure Matsuda hadn't done anything stupid. If he had done something stupid L could rip on him for it. Score.

(Back at headquarters)

"Where is that son of a bitch Ryuzaki! I'm going to kill him, I swear I will! I don't CARE if he says I'm Kira! This is it; I am not his freaking sex slave!" Nobody could hear the chained teen's screams and curses. Raito was still bound to the bed, and no one had bothered to unlock him. 'Damn that insomniac detective to the deepest pit of hell!'

L walked into the room and Raito smiled victoriously; now he could finally beat the crap out of him!

"Finally! You took your time! I've been stuck here for five freaking hours. FIVE FREAKING HOURS!!" Raito kicked L's shins. But the detective just ignored him and sat down on the bed, scratching his neck absently.

"Don't ignore me! Come and unlock me and fight like a man!" L just started to scratch his arm instead.

"Everyone left for vacation today, as soon as I walked in. Even Watari."

"Oh, really good for them. NOW UNLOCK THE CHAIN!!" L ignored Raito and scratched his wrist.

"But it was only when they saw me that they left." Raito sighed.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Fighting aside for the moment Raito allowed himself to feel worried about everyone ditching the two of them. That's when L turned towards him.

"Oh my god! You look hideous, and you're covered indisgusting little red bumps!" L gave him a deadpanned look.

"Thank you for the wonderful insight, but I already knew that." Raito tried to control the horror on his face, but… this was just too horrible. Everyone had ditched him and left him with L! 'No! This can not be happening to me!'

"Well, looks like you either developed an allergic reaction to sugar or you have the chicken pox. Personally, I think you're allergic to chocolate and sugar. Better stop eating it." L looked at Raito.

"I've never had the chicken pox before."

"Well, duh, you can only have it once. But remember, you're allergic to chocolate. You might as well commit suicide now."

"No, I think it's the chicken pox," countered L. Whatever. The detective could think what he wanted.

"Fine; be that way. Let's try to make you less red-looking." L was in a sorry state with red bumps appearing randomly on his skin.

(Raito the doctor)

"Okay, so I've heard that for chicken pox you bathe in 'The chocolate bunny's eggs'. So get in the freaking tub and take your freaking bath in some freaking sugar-o's." Raito shoved L into the bathroom before he could get Raito sick too. He hated sick people; he nearly died when he was dragged to the hospital for charity caroling.

"Don't you mean oatmeal?"

"Yeah, but your unusual appetite for sugar must help your immune system or something… so bathing in it should get you healthy faster." Raito slammed the door in L's face.

"But Raito-ku-" Raito opened the door and pointed at the tub.

"Sugar bath NOW!!" L shut the door without a word. Raito was scary when he was stressed.

L set up the bath and poured in the chocolate cereal. He stared in horror- it looked disgusting! Most people might say that L was a disgusting hobo who had no personal hygiene ('most people' being Raito and Misa) but he knew when things were icky. And that bath was icky. He carefully put a foot in and shuddered. He could get through this… then he would have his revenge! Chicken pox would curse the day it took L as his victim!

Meanwhile, Raito took the few moments of freedom to watch some stupid program with Ryuga Hideki. It looked like the stupid movie about some teenage heart-throb that sings and dances his little heart out in a freaking musical to impress some nerdy hot chick that has no will of her own. (High School Musical, in case you're wondering). Raito hated normal musicals, but this was about as brain damaging as L singing Christine's part in Phantom of the Opera.

What the hell was the insomniac doing in there?! He'd been in there toooo long….

L sat in a sea of chocolate pebbles, ignoring the brown water around him and the itchiness of his skin. It was so itchy he just needed to scratch it once.

"What's taking you so damn long?!" Raito's shout reverberated into the bathroom. Really, sometimes he could be so rude.

"I'd like to see Raito-kun fare half as well!" L poked a pebble with his foot. Was this junk even edible? He sincerely doubted it. Time to update his to do list. Catch Kira, beat Raito at tennis, Sue Pebble-o's, and kill the chicken pox. Yup, looked like he was good. He scratched his forearm again.

Suddenly, a crash resounded from inside the room outside. What the deuce? A few more crashes and a couple curses came from the room opposite. Not to mention laughter; perhaps the lack of sleep had finally caught up to Raito. Note to self: force Raito to sleep on the floor.

Sighing, he got up and wiped off the sugar demons stuck to his body and wrapped himself in a towel. Who knows what disaster awaited him in the opposite room?

Raito stood with a smashed lamp in his hand. Blood dripped from his fingers on the floor, staining the carpet a lovely crimson. His eyes danced in the sheer prospect of some idea unknown to L. Oh, and the T.V. was smashed into a million pieces beyond repair.

"DIE, TROY!! HA HA! SEE YOU IN HELL!" L looked from Raito to the T.V. Who was Troy?

"Erm, Raito-kun did you really need to kill the T.V?" Raito looked up with a bored expression.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist."

(Watari's vacation)

Watari sat on a beach in Hawaii drinking a strawberry smoothie wearing a typical tourist Hawaiian T-shirt. This was the life. Not that he didn't like L, but he could be a little wearisome after a while. And after a very long time, he couldn't take it anymore. It was time for a break. Of course, there was the fact that Ryuzaki had gotten sick, and there was no way that he was going to care for the brat.

Yup, this was the life.

(Raito and L fight boredom in an epic battle)

L and Raito sat on a couch trying to think of ways to kill time. L was in no condition to work on the case, especially since according to him Kira had sent him this vile disease. So they had decided to instead watch one of Misa's movies.

"What's this one called?" After several hours of arguing over a film, they had finally decided on one that was slightly less girly.

"Raito-kun, you may recall we decided on the movie Jaws VII: The Revenge of the Revenge of the Killer Fish with Gills." (Do I have to say what I'm going off of?)

"There's a seventh Jaws?" L scratched his neck and Raito slapped his fingers.

"It would seem so, Raito-kun." L scratched his leg with his foot, receiving another finger slap from the ruler of death.

"Where did Raito-kun get the ruler?!" Raito slapped L's fingers again. What could he say? It was the best fun he'd had in years.

"It's my ruler I can do what I want with it!" L scooted away from the wrath of the ruler, and put the movie in the DVD player. Skipping through the credits, the two sat in silence and watched with slightly bored expressions.

"In a world filled with big fish, there is one terror that has never been relieved. The demon of the sea only known by the name of JAWS!!"

"Wow, I can almost feel the terror." Raito sighed and dropped his head. He could just feel his brain cells committing suicide.

The usual Jaws theme kicked in and showed a great expanse of the ocean. Finally, it zoomed in on a couple of teenagers near a dock.

"Let me guess. They're going on a boat for the day but get stranded… and two of them have sex. Not to mention there's a killer shark on the loose. Hooray." L gave him a deadpanned stare. 'Are we having fun yet?'

"Dude, let's totally take your dad's boat without permission and go and drink beer despite the evil shark on the loose." The boy had the stereotypical surfer boy tan and pecs most likely picked for his looks and not his acting.

"Yeah! It's not like we'll be eaten!"

"So says you fools. Okay, I'm done now. I really want them to die." Raito reached for the lamp. L whacked his fingers with the ruler.

"Ack, you hypocrite! What was that for?!" L pointed to the T.V.

"We only have one television left, Raito-kun. I don't want Misa hanging out with you during our working sessions." Raito nodded.

(Things that Raito Yagami hates)

Hypocrites

Sweets

Criminals

Musicals

Blondes

Bad fan fiction (Gulp)

Being chained to another person

(Things that L hates)

Criminals

Bitter things

Kira

Musicals

Misa

Socks

(Raito and L need help)

Watari's cell phone rang unexpectedly and woke him from his tanning session. Damn. He thought he told no one to call him at this number!

"Hello?" Watari rubbed his eyes. What time was it anyways?

"Watari, Raito-kun and I are in a bit of a predicament…"

"A BIT?! What the hell have you been looking at?!" Damn, L needed help. Leave your work to a teenage boy and what do you get?

"Listen, boys I'm sure you can take care of it."

"Oh, so he says we can take care of it. Hmmmmm tell him: HELL NO WE CAN'T!" There was a bit of arguing in the background.

"Well, we would appreciate the advice." Oh crap. There went his vacation.

"Go on."

"Raito-kun and I got into a fight and I accidently smashed him into a mirror and caused quite a bit of blood to get on the carpet-" Raito interrupted.

"To hell with your bloody carpet!" screamed the boy. Oh, dear God! How much blood was 'quite a bit'?

"And then he passed out and he regained consciousness recently, but I really didn't want to take him to the hospital due to the risk of exposing myself."

"I COULD DIE, YOU ASSHOLE!" L ignored the teen's screaming.

Okay, so Raito could end up dying because L had smashed him into a mirror. Brilliant. Whatever. It wasn't his problem.

"Sorry. I'm on vacation right now, so why don't you two figure this out on your own." He hung up on the two boys. Good riddance.

(Back with the boys)

"He hung up," said L in shock. Watari had NEVER hung up on him.

"Oh, goody, so are you going to do the stitches… or is the chair?" Raito was lying on the floor next to the ever growing stain of red. L was starting to panic; he had no medical experience whatsoever, but he couldn't go to a hospital.

"It's okay. I knew you were going to kill me one of these days… I just didn't think you'd smash me into a mirror." L went pale. Oh God, he'd mess up and leave Raito dead. How would he get rid of the body?!

No, he can't think like that, not now!

"Raito-kun you won't die, for I will do the stitches!"

"That's it. I'm dead."

(Everyone returns)

"We're back, Ryuzaki. We came as soon said you were better." Matsuda and the rest of the team walked in. L nodded and sipped his tea. Watari had come back a day before with plenty of useless souvenirs that would no doubt be sold in some future garage sale. Thank God the chicken disease was gone- he felt like a normal person again.

"Ryuzaki, where is Raito?" Oh crap, explanation time.

"He didn't feel like moving." The team stared at him.

"He didn't what?"

"Feel like moving."

Watari had rushed to Raito as soon as he had gotten back… a little too late. L had done some stitches.

"Ryuzaki, did you use any antithetic?"

"No."

"You could have killed him!" He probably did, from the look of it. Wait, no. Raito's finger twitched

"Raito-kun can handle it."

"That's it. You leave and watch T.V." L stayed put and sighed.

"The television also had a little mishap."

"What did you smash IT into a mirror too?" L grinned sheepishly.

"No, Raito-kun smashed it with a lamp. I smashed him into a mirror, only he's slightly less durable than a television." The heap that used to be the television sat in the far side of the room. That's it! He would never leave these two alone again!

And so Watari stitched up Raito and wrapped up the various wounds, making sure he was out of the way of all cameras and equipment. His father would never forgive L if he saw Raito like this.

But with the task force's luck, it was Misa who found Raito first, and hugged him to death! Well, close to death. She nearly got there, but Watari saved the day again. And so, Raito vowed that as soon as he was free of this hell hole he would become a complete asshole towards Misa.

And that's what happened; creepy how he kept his word.

Author's note: Okay here come the apologies

I'm sorry to any emo kids I offended: smashing mirrors is a fine way to live.

I'm sorry to any High School Musical lovers: I just hate it.

I'm sorry to any Jaws sequel lovers: it's not my fault the sequels suck.

I'm sorry to anyone who likes Misa: Raito is an asshole to her.

And most importantly: I'm sorry L can't do stitches, and so is Raito.

Remember to review; sorry to all of you who wasted your time. (Did the last scenario/chapter make sense to anyone besides me?)