There are a couple of things from S2 that did not seem right to me. Mr. Bates never apologizes for leaving her. At least, we don't see it. When they are at the pub, he never mentions those words, so, I take a fanfic liberty by assuming that at some point between Vera's arrival and the Red Lion Inn, he did indeed mutter those words. He's an honorable character, right?

I also could not imagine that Anna would not have tried to talk to him again. Four years of patient pursuit and waiting do not disappear in an instant. I believe her tenacious enough to have sought him out before his departure.

I also believe that Mrs. Hughes would be kind to Anna, and that she would have gone beyond the call of duty out of guilt for not sharing what she knew. We see slight hints of Mrs. Hughes concerns for Anna throughout the show.

This is a long chapter, but, breaking it down would make it more awkward to follow.


After leaving Mrs. Hughes' parlor, Mr. Bates hoped he would have at least a few minutes to compose himself before his inevitable conversation with Anna. He would have to pass in front of the servant's hall and she would likely be there. After doing all possible to avoid her during the day, he wouldn't be able to avoid her any further and he didn't want to prolong her anxiety and fear. He lingered a few minutes outside of the sitting room and when he felt his face wouldn't immediately betray his feelings, he moved on. As he reached the open doorway to the common room, their eyes immediately locked together as she looked up from where she was sitting.

She perceived something was amiss. His gaze was slightly despondent. Not enough for the others to notice, but enough for her to know that he was troubled. She couldn't really know what had taken place, but she likely imagined it would not lead to an immediate divorce. Mr. Bates would have sought her out wherever she was if the objective had been achieved. She realized this several hours ago. As the day had dragged on, she was more convinced that Vera had prevailed and her beloved had not. His prolonged disappearance, including his absence at dinner, was her first indication that he had failed. Her second would be the look they had just shared. There was no happiness, no elation. He was likely avoiding her, delaying the inevitable and she felt she knew him too well to think otherwise. She desperately wanted to find out all the details, but, there were too many people in the servant's hall and it was going to be a long night. She smiled at him reassuringly, but deep down, her heart braced for what he would eventually say. Her heart was broken thinking how he had suffered for them both, how he would have felt worthless at not achieving the divorce. He was surely blaming himself and sulking, thinking that she would shun him or be turned off by this. She was not. She had spent the whole day thinking about their situation. She loved him and earnestly believed that she could not have any semblance of a real life without him. She didn't care if things would not be proper. She was ready to make whatever personal sacrifice was necessary to be with him.

He recognized from her smile that she understood that things had not gone well. She was so perceptive and wise beyond her years. Much wiser than he, for she would know what to do in this situation and probably do much better than he would. She was witty, clever and quick and would have known how to turn things around with Vera and get her way. He lamented that de did not have those skills and that he had let it come to this. He kept looking at her, and wished that he could correspond in the same manner with a reassuring smile for her, but he could not. He stopped staring for a moment and did not know how to proceed. Should he take a seat and pretend nothing was going on or come back later when the hall was empty? There were too many others in the room and it would take some time for everybody to clear out. He had been standing there for a few minutes quietly, and as he pondered what options he had, Miss O'Brien realized he was there. She hadn't immediately noticed since she had her back to him.

Amused by the story of Vera's visit, she spoke out. "Mr. Bates, that was quite a secret you've been keeping. Fancy that, there's actually a Mrs. Bates!

Several of the lowlier servants chuckled at her comments, but William and Daisy just rolled their eyes. They both had great respect for the valet and were not happy to have to listen to the Lady's Maid inciting him, yet they were curious. News of Mrs. Bates visit spread around the great house rather quickly and many were surprised to find out that Mr. Bates was, in fact, married. Everyone in the room took turns looking at Anna, trying to determine if she was as surprised as they were, for although nobody knew anything regarding their association, Anna was the person that Mr. Bates spent the most time with. Anna did not say a word and went back to her mending. She knew that any reaction from her now would seal her fate regarding gossip and she would ensure that they got none. She would not give them reason to think they were anything other than friends.

Mr. Bates coyly answered, "Well, Ms. O'Brien, I have no need to discuss my personal life with everybody. Those who needed to know were aware. It's not a secret if your Superiors or Employer knows and as far as I am aware, you are neither."

"Now, Now…There's no need to be so defensive, Mr. Bates. We're all just surprised that she's never been mentioned before, but, I'm sure now that she's come, we'll see more of her. Who knows, you might even settle her in one of the cottages near the house so that you're not lonely." Miss O'Brien was definitely trying to irritate him and as she said the last words, she turned to look at Anna. Anna had not looked up since the conversation started, and was still very much focused on her mending. She had done a good job of concealing any possible reaction to what was being said.

Breaking the tension, Mrs. Hughes entered the room, completely changing the atmosphere within the servant's hall. She had come on purpose, sensing that she might have to hurry along the servants to bed, but she had not heard Miss O'Brien's comments. She wasn't in the habit of sending them off, they were, after all adults and could do with their free time what they wanted. Her knowledge of certain events that would unfold that day led her to believe that she might have to help the process a little. Getting everybody away would give Mr. Bates and Anna the privacy they needed for the tragic conversation to follow.

"It's very late. What are you all still doing here? You must get to bed." Everybody, including Anna, stood up in response to her order. They all scampered off, but Anna remained.

"Excuse me Mrs. Hughes; I still have to finish mending this frock of Lady Sybil's. She'll need it for her trip tomorrow. I'll go up as soon as I finish."

"Very well" she answered as she turned to walk out. She couldn't even face the girl and quickly retreated back to her sitting room.

Mr. Bates had retreated with the others and Anna was sure that he'd be back. He would not leave her with this doubt in her mind. She had not lied when she said she had to finish the frock, so, she endeavored to complete it rapidly and be ready when he returned. A half an hour later, she had finished. When he had not returned, she decided to go to the kitchen and prepare a kettle for some tea. This was likely to be a longer evening than usual. She would have to contend with his darkening mood and sense of defeat and tea would be necessary to both comfort him and soothe her.

When the water had been boiled and the tea prepared and he had still not arrived, Anna began to worry that he might not come at all. It was past midnight, she was certain almost one. Still, she made her way back to the servant's hall quietly distressed at how long it was taking him to come to her. As she reached the doorway, she finally heard his trademark half step in the distance. She laid the tea kettle and cups on the table. She didn't want to sit, rather, she remained standing, thinking that he would need a big embrace to calm his dejected spirit. There was nobody around and she felt that she could get away with it. Lord Grantham had called for their propriety and discretion, but, surely this warranted some extra love and attention.

When Mr. Bates walked into the servant's hall, he was not expecting Anna so close to the door. He though he'd find her sitting, still mending peacefully. He speculated that this entire scene would play out with him standing and that the table between them would act as a necessary barrier. He'd need that barrier between them - For him to fight the urge to hug her or kiss her while saying he was sorry for what he was about to do; for her, quite possibly to avoid smacking him when she heard the words he had prepared. He had rehearsed in his room before coming down. He thought of the many words to describe his actions: unforgiveable, callous, pitiful, cruel, unfeeling, and cold-hearted. He also prepared words he could pronounce to convey how he felt: sorrow, remorse, guilt, shame, and regret. He made word pairs in his mind: unforgiveable action, broken heart, pitiful human being. He'd even put together several key sentences to use: "Anna, I regret that life has taken me in a direction that I could not foresee, so, with great regret I take back my promises and apologetically depart from Downton. Can you forgive me this unexpected treachery against you?" That seemed a little too proper with no emotion. Perhaps this approach was better: "Anna, when all is said and done, you will realize that I am nothing, being with me comes with too many problems and I could never provide for your well-being as others might. My leaving, could in fact, be beneficial to you. " There were other approaches and never did anyone seem to be right. No matter how prepared he was, his ability to put words together was tested when he crossed the threshold into the servant's hall. Anna sprung forth to embrace him, with a very concerned gaze upon her. It wasn't how he had pictured it in his mind. There was no table between them, no physical barrier. She was coming forward towards him with her arms open.

"Mr. Bates, I've been worried about you. Whatever happened with her is not important as long as were together."

He caught her by the wrists as she was about to place her hands on him. "No, Anna – Don't."

Anna knew his dark side and believed for a moment he was sulking at his failure, not fully comprehending the real situation, not realizing she was being abandoned.

"Whatever is the matter, Mr. Bates? If you've not convinced her, it doesn't matter to me. Let me show you."

He dropped her wrists and took several steps back, almost reaching the hallway outside of the servant's hall.

"No, Anna. You must not come near me." He felt himself losing control of the situation and of his senses.

Those words really cut into her heart. For almost four years, she had been used to his cryptic answers, but they were never cruel or cold. His words had been very forceful, his hands on her wrists rough. There was no emotion, no twinkle in his eye. There was just a scared man with a cold gaze. This was a different reaction she was not used to seeing.

"Why? What's happened?"

In the precise moment that he was confronted with telling her, he lost sight of everything he had prepared to say. The words couldn't come out. He searched in his mind and there was nothing remorseful or soothing. He could only assemble a gaunt explanation for his behavior.

"My life is over and my wife will collect me in the morning. I am leaving. Good Bye Anna." He couldn't look her in the eye and turned away. He felt the walls of the house caving in on him, the realization of what he had just said to her making him nauseous and in desperate need of air. He turned to leave and walked away from her as fast as he could.

"Wait, what do you mean you're leaving?

Mr. Bates had already reached the door and was out in a second. Anna had reacted and followed him outside. It would prove to be her worst night ever.


Anna remained in the courtyard sobbing, the crude awareness of what had just happened, stopping her from getting any composure. He had walked away as fast as he could and she could see him hobble on in the distance. Where was he going? Perhaps she should go after him to make him understand that she could not live without him. She thought to herself that he wasn't thinking clearly. He couldn't have changed his mind so quickly about them. It wasn't possible. He loved her and she knew it. But she let him run and stopped herself from following him. It would be better for him to spend some time alone to reconsider. She needed to control her crying as well. When he came back, she wanted to be serene and level-headed to reason with him.

As time passed, her sobbing subsided to silent tears and after a while, they were gone. She sat motionless on one low lying crate, almost near the floor, her dress quite soiled in the process. Her eyes were swollen and puffy and her usually neatly coiled hair showed signs of her desperation. Some pins still held back the tresses, but random bits of hair hung lose, the bun hanging towards the right side. The head ruffle still held on, but just barely. It had only been an hour, but the time was past two am. She was going to wait for him until he came back. He must pass in this same direction, she reasoned.

She looked straight forward, her blank stare echoing the emptiness in her heart. After a while, she could no longer think anything and fell into a semi-catatonic state. Her only sane reaction was to occasionally glance in the direction towards which he had left. She was so intent on glancing in that direction that when she heard a noise coming from the opposite side, she was slightly startled. Mrs. Hughes had made her way into the courtyard and was standing a few feet from where Anna sat.

The Housekeeper had known that Anna would need help tonight, but had allowed enough time for the conversation between them to take place. Just to make sure, she had checked on Anna in her bedroom and when she noticed that she was still not there, went to look for her. Searching would not prove too difficult, as Anna spent many evenings with Mr. Bates in the courtyard and it would be natural to find her there. At least she had hoped that she wouldn't have to scour the grounds and prayed that Anna had not done anything out of character. She was a resilient girl, very sensible and prudent, but in a situation such as this, anything could happen. She was truly relieved to come upon her so quickly.

Anna was too drained emotionally and physically to stand or react appropriately in the presence of her Superior. She shifted her gaze to look at Mrs. Hughes, but the warmth was gone and in its place was a hollowness that represented her despair. Mrs. Hughes noticed the disheveled state and knew that she had to get her inside. The coolness of the air would make her sick and her emotional state should not be compounded with the complication of illness. She shouldn't be seen by anybody else this way either. It would not be likely that anybody would stir at this time of night and deliveries were still several hours away, but, you never knew in a house this large with so many employees. She must help Anna back to her room and away from any further situations.

Anna tried to say something, but the words could not be formed. She shifted her gaze away from Mrs. Hughes and resorted to looking straight down at inlaid bricks of the courtyard floor.

Mrs. Hughes spoke for her. "He's told you, then?"

Anna managed to nod just barely to affirm that this had happened.

"Is he still outside?"

Anna acknowledged he was by pointing her finger in the direction he had walked. Mrs. Hughes responded by requesting Anna move indoors.

"Anna, you mustn't be out here anymore. The night is cool and you've had a very difficult evening. We must get you inside to rest. Some warm tea and a soft bed is what you need right now. I'll help you."

No sooner than Mrs. Hughes had suggested she come inside when Anna started to tear again.

"I can't leave. He has to come back around this way and I'll talk to him again. He'll see me and change his mind. He can't leave me."

Mrs. Hughes responded in a most assertive tone. She knew that in this emotional state she could never expect Anna to agree easily and that she would have to be very firm.

"Anna, you will not convince him. He's made up his mind and you must come in from this night air immediately. We'll both catch pneumonia."

"I can't", a heaving Anna implored. "I must see him again."

"You will come inside now and we'll sort this out within my parlor."

Mrs. Hughes reached out to take Anna's hand, tugging gently to urge the housemaid to stand. Anna did just that, timorously. She was still crying as Mrs. Hughes put her arm around Anna's shoulder and led her towards the house. Even in her disconsolate state, Anna was lucid enough at that moment to realize that if they were heading towards the sitting room, she could still get her way. The sitting room was positioned at the entrance to the house and she would still be aware of when he would return.

Once inside, Mrs. Hughes moved her towards the settee.

"Anna, lie down and wait for me while I fetch us some tea."

Mrs. Hughes went away and maneuvered as quickly as she could. She hoped Anna had the good sense to stay where she had been left and that she had not wandered outside again. When she made it back to her parlor, Anna was still there and still awake.

"Drink this. It will calm your nerves."

Anna did as she was told. The hot liquid did actually make her feel calmer and more rational. Anna could see Mrs. Hughes preparing to lecture her. Would the Housekeeper be kind or remind her that this was her fault for attaching herself to Mr. Bates so early on? Mrs. Hughes had not really approved of the proposal, so, would she be happy now that he was leaving her?

"Anna, you must go to your room and sleep. I understand this evening has been difficult for you, but you won't make it any easier by wearing yourself out."

Anna wouldn't hear of it. She shook her head vehemently. "I can't go. Not now. I must see him before he leaves."

Mrs. Hughes knew this would happen. Anna was always strong willed when she wanted to be. She couldn't just be forced to do something. She needed to be given a reason, or coerced into reaching the conclusions herself. This always required ample information and much patience. She wasn't sure she could get Anna to react the way she wanted.

"What will you gain by doing that, my child? He's a grown man. He must have his reasons."

Further, Mrs. Hughes wished with all her heart that she could divulge to Anna what she had heard in this very room several hours earlier. It haunted her to know. It haunted her to not do anything about it. It would be all too easy to tell, but what good would come of it? She had already replayed several scenarios in her mind, each bearing different results. Those results, though, never ended with a happy Anna, so, she thought it was best to just let this be kept her secret. Mr. Bates needed to do what he needed to do and she would not interfere. All of this turmoil, the reasoning to herself that she was doing the right thing, and the pain that Anna would take on for the Crawley family, perhaps, was what propelled her to remain awake and bear witness to the unfortunate events of this night. She couldn't tell Anna, but she would be there to help in any way possible. She'd promised him too when she saw him worried; however, she reasoned that even if she hadn't promised him, Anna would get the support, as she would have remained anyway. Anna's grief was too painful for a woman who would consider herself the housemaid's surrogate mother.

Anna answered back, "That's just it. He's not given me a real reason. I know he is lying and doing something gallant. I need to know why."

"Anna, you must realize that actions speak louder than words. It doesn't matter what reasons he gives, he's leaving in a couple of hours. Does it matter why he leaves, if he is ultimately leaving?"

"He can't leave."

"He must and he will. Let's take comfort in knowing that your entanglement was not known beyond Mr. Carson and myself. You can start over. Nobody has to know what has happened."

Anna wouldn't relent. "I can't let him go without me. I know he loves me. I love him. We are meant to be together."

Those words were too much for Mrs. Hughes. It seemed like Anna was drifted further away from reality. She was not doing a very good job of convincing her. She was more forceful in her tone and the delivery of the words. She even reached out to hold Anna's chin so that she could get the undivided attention for what she would say next.

"Listen to yourself child. Be reasonable. You cannot lose your mind. You will let him go and he will leave without you. IF you truly love him, you will not stop him. Whether you are meant to be together will be tested with distance and time. "

Mrs. Hughes took Anna's hands in hers. Anna's eyes had watered again and it seemed the words just spoken had been understood.

"Anna, let me take you to sleep now. We can go to my room so Ethel isn't any the wiser of your situation. I'll cover for you in the morning. You'll feel better in the morning, I promise."

Except Mrs. Hughes wasn't sure she would. She wasn't sure how Anna would survive this. The building devotion between the couple couldn't be cured that quickly. Anna calmed down a little, but, still showed her stubborn side.

"I'll stay here until he comes. I will not leave. If you don't want me in the parlor, I'll go outside or to the servant's hall, but, I won't go to bed now. Not until I see him."

Mrs. Hughes realized that she wouldn't convince her and it best to settle in for the evening. She wouldn't leave her to her own devices. Anna's resoluteness to talk to him needed to be supervised. If it was to happen, it would be on her terms and in her parlor where the conversation and temperaments could not get out of hand.

"Very well then, if you are intent on staying, stay. I will be here too. You see Anna; I won't let you do anything you will regret in the morning. Go ahead and stay there, lie down even. I will sit in my chair and keep myself busy with accounts."

With that, Mrs. Hughes set herself to do some mundane tasks and Anna rested.


The house was eerily quiet at almost 430am. So quiet, that when Mr. Bates walked across the courtyard, she heard him. It was a muffled, distant sound which increased exponentially as he neared the entrance to the house. In the darkness, she glanced over at dear Mrs. Hughes who had tried so hard to make her go to bed and saw that she had succumbed to the tiredness. She was sitting in her desk chair, her head resting on the hard surface. At the Housekeeper's urging, Anna had remained, perched across the small settee. She had not slept at all in the last hours, her heart's desire to see him, stronger than her body's need to rest.

Without making a noise, she quickly but carefully rose. She would have to be swift if she wanted to catch him. If he disappeared on to the stairs, she would lose her only opportunity to confront him. The door to the sitting room was opened and closed rapidly with only a minor creaking noise. She heard him arrive at the door as she darted out of the way and into the darkness just beyond. She didn't intend to startle him, but, if she remained in that place, her encounter may not be what she planned. Mrs. Hughes might wake up and stop them from talking or worst yet, he might see her and turn back again. She managed to make it to the middle of the first staircase, completely out of his line of site, when he finally made it through the doors and stepped into the hallway. He must take these stairs to get to his room, so, there was no escaping her.


Mr. Bates had run from Anna and he felt like such a coward for leaving her in the courtyard as he did. For all the reckless acts he had done in his past, this scene, by far, played worst on his heart and conscience. The anguish born from years of drunken stupor, the mind numbing years of war, his years of oppressive incarceration or even his mother's recent death could not compare to the torment of listening to the deafening sounds of her sobs in the courtyard. He hobbled away as fast as he could and as far away as he could, the destination still not known to him. All he wanted to do was get away from her crying. He must have been several kilometers away from the house, somewhere in the orchards, but he could still hear it echoing in his mind. He would have wanted to go farther, somewhere where even the silhouette of the great house was not discernible, but his injury would not let it be. When the pain in his leg became too much, he reluctantly stopped and steadied himself against the trunk of a large oak tree.

The weight of what he'd just done hit him all at once. Still holding on to the majestic tree, he sunk to the ground, landing on his knee and dropping his cane fitfully. His knee protested the physical assault, but, the pain in his heart was greater and he ignored the burning feeling emanating from his leg. His eyes were consumed now with endless tears. He had been strong when they spoke and she'd not seen any tears from him. That was right, he reasoned. If she would have seen any of the tears he was holding back, she would not have believed what he was saying.

He hadn't wanted to be a coward. He hadn't wanted to leave her there, but how does one abandon somebody and manage it properly? Did such a way exist? He would have been spared seeing the crying and his subsequent anguish over it if he'd written her a letter, but, that would have been worse. She at least deserved to hear it from him directly. Could he have done better with the excuse he gave her? Of course, he thought. It must have sounded pitiful to her. He'd talked about how poor his marriage to Vera had been so many times. She'd never believe his reasoning wholeheartedly. He wished that her innocent heart did not read further into the situation. Had he been convincing enough? He reasoned that it didn't matter anymore. What if he'd told her a partial truth? Could he have gotten away with telling her that he left her against his will? No, that would not have done either. He needed to sound and be cruel. If she even thought that he still loved her, she would not move on and open herself up to love another.

He remained in that same spot for at least a couple of hours. He'd found a nook among the roots to lie in and he'd rested his head against one of the protruding stumps. He took out his watch. 3:00am He imagined that if he returned to the house too soon, he might encounter Anna again. She was tenacious and he imagined that it was not above her to wait for him. The longer he stayed out, the higher the probability that she'd gone to bet. It was cool this evening, and in the middle of the orchard, it was chillier than usual, but, it wasn't cold enough to will him back to the house. Another half hour passed and he realized that he would have to start back soon. He hoped Anna had gone to bed and that he could get in without being seen. He realized that spending the evening lying amid the trees and not actually sleeping would catch up with him, but this was a much better alternative than trying to sleep in his room knowing that Anna was only meters away, suffering at his expense.

He rose and made his way back slowly. The previous exertion rendered his leg less willing to cooperate and made him walk with more care and less force. Vera had confirmed that she would collect him in the morning, early enough to catch the first train away from Downton. That would be 6am, so, he expected that she would be there to fetch him at half five. That gave him just enough time to wash up, change into his traveling clothes, retrieve his valise and slip out of the house without encountering anybody. He wanted to leave undetected, not having to provide further information to the others. He was relieved that he was already packed and that his valise was ready to go. When Mrs. Hughes had dispersed them in the servant's hall, he'd dashed back to his room to pack his belongings. There wasn't much to take with him. He only had his good suit, some night clothes, a few books, grooming articles and the frame with the picture of his mother. It all fit nicely with room to spare. He'd also endeavored to leave the room in an orderly state, as his hasty departure did not warrant uncleanliness. This preparation has caused him to be late in his encounter with Anna, yet, now it provided a convenient and quick escape to have everything ready.

When he reached the bottom of the staircase and took the first step, he saw her. Her face was gaunt, fatigued and her expression was of pain beyond consolation. He couldn't turn back; there was really no place to go. He took a couple of steps forward until he was in front of her.

"Anna, you shouldn't be here. You should be asleep."

"I could never sleep knowing that you would leave me without providing a real explanation." She paused, "Our conversation was not over when you left last night. You haven't been honest with me."

"Anna, the conversation is over. I have nothing more to say."

She was blocking his way through with her body.

"Two days ago, you agreed to tell me the truth about everything and not keep me in the dark. I know you're hiding something. Even if it is painful, please tell me."

"I can't. I am leaving with my wife and that is all I can say."

He took her by the shoulders and moved her aside, stepping forward of her. He moved almost an entire floor before Anna caught up to him and held on to his wrist, pulling him back.

"What happened to the promises you made to me? Mr. Bates, Do you not love me anymore?

"I had no right to make those promises. Forgive me for being so foolish and forgetting I was in no position to make them." He couldn't look at her, and just looked in the opposite direction.

"But you made them. We can have a life together. I know you love me." She took her free hand, cupped his chin and forced him to look at her. "If she's forcing you to leave, you don't have to go with her. We can run away together. I can be ready to leave in 20 minutes."

"No Anna, I am not being forced. I am leaving with my wife and you will remain here." She started to cry and he turned away again, angling to keep moving up the steps. He would barely have enough time to leave the house undetected. It was nearing 5am and soon the scullery maids and hall boys would be up preparing the house for the others.

Anna would not relent and she still had him by the wrist. "Look me in the eyes and tell me now you no longer love me." He would not and could not ever say that to her. He freed himself from her wrist and continued moving forward until he reached the landing that separated the stairs to the male and female servant quarters. He smelt smoke, recently produced and worried if anybody had heard their conversation. The words produced in the stairwells tended to drift upwards. It would be disastrous for Anna if that had been the case. She reached him one final time and stood in front of him, blocking his path.

"Anna, I am sorry for what I've done. Please forgive me. I never wanted to hurt you. You're the best person I know and I will forever regret this pain that I have caused you. I will always regret leaving you. Now Please, I must leave." He moved her aside once again and started up the male staircase.

She let him leave, painfully aware that all was lost. She only had one more thing to say to him.

"You said you'd tell me you loved me whenever I needed to hear it. I need to hear it now. Tell me you love me Mr. Bates."

He didn't turn around; she could not see the tears that had finally sprung forth and she could not hear that he did in fact say, barely as a whisper, "I love you, Anna Smith, more than you'll ever know."


A/N Let me know what you think. Anna's grief will be next. :)