Hey my lovely readers, I've been gone a long time haven't I? I know and I'm sorry but I haven't been in the best place recently but now I'm back on board and officially a high school graduate, pretty cool. And now college has begun im completely swamped. So I hope you haven't all abandoned me! Please review I'm at 138 at the moment 148 before I update!
MITCHIE
I've always hated when people don't explain themselves, and when Shane demanded me to abandon my life temporarily in New York to fly over first class, that's right first class, to California for no spoken reasons, I jumped to conclusions.
Who wouldn't have?
I mean seriously, it's acceptable to call me up to come meet you at the mall or something or no reason, but to swap coasts? Not so much.
Nate had called me hours previous sounding so out of character I wondered if it was even him, and then it was as if he had disappeared off the face of the earth. Nate had always been the sensible one, the one who was safety conscious, hell it wouldn't have surprised me if he wore a protective suit made out of bubble wrap.
But since then? Nothing, not one word, or indication that he was okay, and if this was one sick joke I'd be making sure that any future Nate Jr's would be out of the question.
The flight was scheduled a mere 90 minutes after Shane called me, giving me 20 minutes to pack my belongings and throw myself in the back of a taxi to the nearest airport, my head was all over the place, after all who's wouldn't be if you were given such a short amount of time to drop everything.
School, work, everything.
I raced through the entrance, dragging my suitcase behind me as quickly as I could, dodging people in the process. I was a woman on a mission and no one was making me miss this flight. No one.
And if you saw me, you would know that.
I looked like a hot mess, my hair- all over the place from hours of running my hands through it in anticipation and worry, my clothes? Flung on. Literally my wardrobe had thrown up on me, I was sporting a pair of oversized jeans which I'm pretty sure were Shane's or Nate's to begin with and a hoodie which may or may not be inside out.
So with my make up smeared over my face and my attire damaging to the eyes I jumped on flight H857 and into my first class leather reclining seat as I began my excruciating journey to the west coast.
-
But here I am, waiting in baggage claims at LAX, still clueless, searching for Shane. I had had no contact with him since the brief text I received hours previously telling me he'd pick me up. The flight had been slow and excruciating, my mind going crazy trying to muster and interpret various scenario's as to what had happened, why I was here.
As much as my mind begged itself to believe that I was here for an end of tour celebration, for a spontaneous visit, a sick cruel joke, maybe even Shane planning something romantically spectacular for me, I couldn't help but presume the worse.
Had they been dropped by their label already, was it even something to do with their music?
Had Jason got into more bother with the press? Did he need me with him to kiss his boo-boo's better as he dealt with the exposure?
But when my mind landed on Nate I was swarmed with the memories of the phone call, the contrast in his voice.
I tried to sleep, but I couldn't
I tried to distract myself, but nothing worked.
My mind was screaming for answers, my body aching for the touch of Shane
All in all I was an anxious mess.
It really all could be nothing! Right?
Like I could be over reacting?
I might be paranoid.
My eyes darted from person to person watching the scenes in front of me. I had always loved airports; the emotion they held was indescribable.
The reunions, the goodbyes, the excitement, the sadness.
A small smile tugged at my lips as I watched a man who must have been in his late twenties exiting the arrival gate looking exhausted and drained, dragging his hand luggage by his side, his eyes scanning the crowd desperately until they fixated on something. I followed his gaze, myself coming to a standstill for a split second as I watched 2 young children be released from the embrace of their mother as they darted towards the man, their small legs carrying them as he dropped his bags to the floor, crouching down to meet their level, opened armed as they pounced on him.
I let out a soft chuckle as I watched them for a couple of seconds longer, the man hugging his children for dear life, kissing both of their foreheads numerous times. This is why I loved airports.
I continued to roam the baggage claim, my breathing shallowing slightly as I failed to see him wherever I looked. Where the hell was he? I almost gave up hope, resulting in me pulling out my newly purchased blackberry when my eyes locked with that of my best friend turned boyfriend, the guy who could still make my knees weaken even after all this time. My face broke out into a smile, my chest racing as the reality of our time apart hit me. My hand clutched on tightly to my suitcase as I began to race in and out of passengers towards him, expecting this face to mirror mine, but it didn't. And that's when I realised why I was here.
My pace slowed as I took in his appearance, the distance between us getting smaller and smaller, he was exhausted, his eyes bloodshot, his skin pale, the usual rosy tint to his cheeks vacant. I bit my lip as my eyes travelled down his face to his body; his lips pursed together tightly in a straight line, his choice of attire, contrasting greatly to what he usually wears.
The Gray brothers always made an effort with their appearance, no matter what the occasion, but now? Now he was wearing a pair of Grey sweats and a crinkled t-shirt which he had obviously put on in a hurry
And as for his hair?
Well, it was a mess.
Actually, he was a mess.
Something was wrong.
Seriously wrong
Oh god- Nate.
I inhaled sharply as I came to a stop right in front of Shane, his eyes searching mine frantically for something before he engulfed me in his arms, holding me tightly against his chest, his body shaking in my embrace. No words were exchanged between us as my suspicions were confirmed by the small sobs escaping his lips.
I pulled away reluctantly bringing my hand to his face, wiping away the stray tears with my thumb "Shane" I breathed out cautiously as his eyes met mine once more "Shane" I repeated "What's happened?" I asked, trying my best to keep my voice as level as I could.
If something had happened I needed to be strong, or as strong as possible to be here for Shane, I couldn't be a wreck too.
He gulped as he opened and closed his mouth several times to speak, yet nothing came out
"Baby" I cooed now rubbing circles on the back of his hand soothingly "Is it Nate?"
His gaze fell to the floor as he nodded, my stomach churning uncomfortably as my mind went crazy
"W- What?" I let my voice crack no longer to hide the emotion that was currently over whelming me; the suspense was getting too much
"H- He..." Shane closed his eyes "He's in hospital Mitch"
My breath hitched as my chest tightened, the colour from my face now draining
"He's in a coma"
My body tensed at the work, a coma? My mind went back to when I last spoke to him, his vulnerable voice begging me for help, guilt washing over me as I had to listen to the call disconnect. He was ill, and there was nothing I could do about it.
I grabbed his hand as I pulled him to a more secluded corner of the airport, out of the way of prying eyes and potential paparazzi
"Shane, what happened?" I demanded softly, my patience and sanity running thinner and thinner as every second passed
"He was found by a bystander in the middle of the street out cold. Phone smashed by his side. By the time we were contacted and arrived he had already had emergency surgery..."
WHAT?!
"To have his stomach pumped, he had overdosed Mitchie, my brother...Nate" a sob left Shane's lips "overdosed on a cocktail of illegal drugs"
My mind went blank.
Nate? No Nate would never do that, he was too sensible, he had been to the health classes, he knew the risks, why on earth would he do it? What was troubling him so much that he turned to drugs? I closed my eyes, feeling my breathing shallowing as my mind tried to process the information, refusing to believe any of it.
It was Shane's turn to comfort me as I felt a strong pair of arms wrap around my small frame, keeping me upright his hands travelling up and down my back "the operation went as successful as it could but- but they had to put him in an induced coma to try and let his body recover, but they don't know when or if he'll wake up" the last few words were barely above a whisper as I lost it, my body jerking violently as the emotions hit.
He might never wake up.
I pulled away abruptly from Shane's grasp, his face portraying that of shock as I grabbed my suitcase and began to speed away towards the exit. It took a few seconds before he caught up with me, utterly confused.
"Mitch what are you doing?"
What am I doing? Well what a stupid fucking question Shane, I thought you were a little smarter than that.
"Trying to get to the hospital dumbass"
Don't I know how to treat my boyfriend? Obviously not, but I had a damn good reason.
Shane only nodded as he followed suit, our legs taking us speedily towards the exit and into the parking lot. I let out a small laugh as I noticed a unmarked black SUV, with tinted windows parked obscurely outside the entrance, trust Shane not abide by parking laws.
I threw my suitcase into the backseat, not giving a shit whether or not I had damaged his precious car interior, after all he could afford another one.
The car journey to the hospital was short yet excruciatingly unbearable, my pulse increasing as we got nearer and nearer. I was sure that if I didn't regulate it soon, I too would be in a hospital bed. I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to provide warmth to my shaking body. My eyes fixated on the building full of illness and death as it came into view, a few inches of concrete now separating me from my best friend.
The car came to a halt, as my body refused to move, I needed to see him, but my hand wouldn't let me unbuckle myself. I closed my eyes allowing myself to gain some composure as the ability to move reappeared, my shaky hand pressing down slowly as the seatbelt unbuckled. My eyes travelled to Shane who hand intertwined his fingers with mine, squeezing my hand telling me he was there for me.
Surely it should be the other way round. After all they were actually related.
His own flesh and blood.
I wasn't, no matter how much I considered he was part of the family.
But then again I'm pretty sure Shane would be feeling the same as I do now if Jake was in Nate's place. Our families were tight, we cared for one another, loved on another and nothing would change that.
My shaky hand came in contact with the handle as I let myself out of the car, my legs making contact with the concrete as the cool air whipped against my face, throwing my hair in different directions. I looked up towards the sky, calming myself as I left Shane lock his fingers with mine once more. We walked in silence towards the entrance and through the numerous corridors, the bland painted walls sending shivers down my spine.
I came to a complete stand still a matter of metres away from Nate's room, Shane being drawn to a halt also. He spun around, his blood soft eyes boring into mine
"I can't do this" I choked out, my voice unsteady and broken. If I had known before hand, I could have prepared, I could formulate a plan in my head, but no.
Shane took a step closer pushing my bangs out of my face as he cupped my face with his hands "yes you can"
I shook my head, still in his hands, my eyes clouding over with tears "I can't" I weakly protested "Shane I can't"
"Listen to me, you can, Mitch you're one of the strongest people I know"
I gulped, nodding at every word he said, not agreeing with it, nor listening.
"But-"I began again, my mind searching for any viable reason for me not to step foot in the room, to not see my friend, my brother in that state.
I'm not strong.
It's my hard exterior.
Inside, I'm weak, vulnerable, a kid. Because after all I was, a kid. 18. I'm not ready to deal with the potential situation of my best friend never waking up.
But then something clicked, as if something shifted in me, he was my best friend and I was standing out here, making up excuses not to see him,
I wasn't being a good friend; I wasn't being there for him like I vowed I would.
I pulled away from Shane' grasp, giving myself a quick shake as I mentally prepared myself "Okay, I'll go"
"Do you want me to come in with you?" he asked, concern still evident in his voice, reaching back out to pull me closer once more. I looked up at him, locking eyes with his, as I tried not to frown at the obvious sadness and distraught spread across his features. He was knackered.
I took a step closer, making whatever distance between us disappear "I'll be fine, go and get some rest, I'll come get you soon"
"Sure?"
I nodded as I got on my tip toes bringing my lips to his quickly "I love you" he muttered against my lips before reluctantly pulling away. I let the corners of my lips tug up slightly as I put on a brave smile
"I love you too Shane"
I turned on my heels slowly, as my hand came in contact with the metal handle. I exhaled deeply as I opened the door, closing my eyes momentarily until I was in the room and the door was shut safely behind me.
As I heard the door click I cautiously opened my eyes, my gaze going directly to the bed. I gasped slightly as I took in the appearance of my best friend, tears brimming at my eyes once more. I took a step as I noticed his paled skin, flawless, as white as snow; he looked so...peaceful, so calm.
I sat down on the poorly cushioned chair next to the bed, my eyes never once leaving his face. My hand found its way to his forehead, brushing away the stray curls, the usual glossiness of them now absent.
The room was silent besides the beeps coming from the numerous machines he was attached to as my hand caressed his face.
I wanted him to wake up, for those brown eyes of his to stare back at me, for those killer dimples to make an appearance; I wanted him to make fun of my choice of attire, tutting and shaking his head in disapproval.
I wanted my Nate and I wanted him now.
"Hi Nate" my voice barely above a whisper, I paused, knowing I wouldn't get a reply, yet a small part of me thought that maybe he would.... like I could be being punk'd right now... Hey Ashton Kutcher if you're out there, game over- this, this isn't cool man.
I sighed "Nate.... why? Why did you do it?"I felt the tears begin to slowly cascade down my cheeks "were you so miserable that this was the only option? You could have come to me Nate, you should have come to me..." my voice cracked "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for upsetting you and not understanding you, I'm sorry I wasn't here when you needed me most....I'm sorry for being such a terrible friend."
I bowed my head, my bangs falling in front of my face as the sobs began to escape from my lips once more, my words being muffled by my tears "Please wake up Nate, I need you. I-I love you so much. I don't even want to begin to think what I'd do without you. We all miss you, Shane, Jason, your parents, and don't forget Alyssa..." I trailed off my voice getting progressively quieter before I slapped my hands down harshly on my thighs "dammit Nate"
I continued to sob quietly as the room echoed the numerous beeps from the machines Nate was hooked up to.
Maybe this lifestyle of the rich and famous was doing more harm than good. First Jason. Now Nate, I'll be damned if Shane is next.
Fame wasn't all it has cracked up to be.
And I'm not just going to sit back and watch the people I love crash and burn.
-
SHANE
Hours dragged into days as I continued to watch Mitchie and Alyssa stay by Nate's bedside in shifts, he was never alone.
But it had been a week.
7 days.
168 hours
Since Nate's been in a coma, a whole week since the world has been graced with his witty humour, his ingenious lyrical skills been a week since i've had my brother, and I missed him.
I miss the way he always acted like the adult, telling me what to do rather than the other way round.
I miss how no matter what I did, what I'd done, he'd always stick by me
I just- I just miss him.
I watched wordlessly as Alyssa said her goodbye's unable to stay any longer, she needed to head back to campus, but vowed to be back in a day or two, but their optimism was wasted on me. I was losing hope; his vitals had shown very little improvement and even though he had regained the ability to breathe on his own I knew that the odds were against him.
As each minute passed I knew that the likelihood of my brother waking up would shrink. My parents had been here earlier, distraught, yet had left after my mom couldn't function any longer. She was falling apart, Alyssa was falling apart...
Mitchie was....Mitchie is destroyed
And me? I'm broken, defeated, helpless. My life was crashing down around me, and I don't know how to stop it.
"I'll be back on Friday" Alyssa said as collected as she could, she was a mess, she loved my brother more than life itself. "Call me if anything happens, I mean anything and i'll be in the next taxi down here, okay?" she looked between me and Mitchie for reassurance as we nodded.
She strived over to me open armed as she embraced me in a tight hug. As she pulled away she whispered in m ear "he's going to be okay"
I pulled away from her looking at her through my glazed over eyes as I bit my lip giving a small nod, trying to convince myself of her words.
She hugged Mitchie before walking back over to Nate, pressing her lips against his forehead as she mumbled some incoherent words before waving slightly and leaving, the silent room, becoming even quieter.
I stared up at the ceiling momentarily as I let out an over exaggerated yawn, stretching my arms above my head before letting them drop flimsily onto my lap.
"You should go and get some sleep you know; your awesomely good looks are diminishing as each day's passes. Soon I'll see no reason to stay with you" Mitchie spoke up as I looked towards her, a small smile tugging at her lips. She looked equally drained but she was trying to keep herself together the best that she could- by saying the crappest jokes ever.
"Seriously Mitch, never pursue a career in comedy, joking about my looks is the most unfunny thing ever, and besides who would believe you, the whole world knows I'm sex on legs" I tried to joke back, but the lack of enthusiasm and warmth in my voice was evident.
She too let out a yawn before stifling a laugh "Hmmm, whatever. But seriously babe get some sleep, I've already got one sick Gray, I'll be damned if I have another."
"I'm fine" I protested pathetically as I was interrupted by yet another spontaneous yawn. Mitchie rolled her eyes as I gave in "Fine, fine, I'll go, but I will be back in an hour."
"Hmm, whatever you say."
-
MITCHIE
I watched as Shane trudged sleepily out of the room, my boyfriend- a shell of the usually bubbly self everyone knew and loved. He was taking it the hardest, Nate was his world, whether he liked to admit it or not. I let out a yawn as I readjusted myself on the uncomfortable cushioned chair as I leaned over; resting my head on the pathetic excuse for a mattress that Nate was currently laying on. After all what harm would a quick nap do? It's not like I had anything else to keep me occupied in the mean time.
I let my eyelids drop, the days of sleep deprivation weighing down on them like a tonne of bricks, as I felt my body to relax. I nestled my head further into the mattress as I finally gave in, sleep overcoming me within a matter of seconds.
My sleep was dreamless; my body regaining some much needed strength- well that was until I felt something shift next to me. I ignored it, convinced I was just imagining it and if I was honest, waking up was not what I wanted to do right now. I pursed my eyes shut tighter trying to get my mind back into a state of sleep when I felt something move again- for the love of god, what does it take for a girl to get some shut eye around here?
I opened one eye, checking my surroundings before proceeding to open the other, the light of the room blinding me as it reflected off of the white walls. I lifted my heavy head off of the mattress, blinking several times as I tried to wash away the feeling of extreme tiredness. I let out an unsatisfied yawn as I brought my gaze to...
What the fuck.
"Nate?" a gasped, lying before me was a once comatose Nate, now eyes open wide looking directly at me with some sloppy lopsided smile. I blinked several times, hoping my eyes weren't deceiving me as I leapt out of my chair to get even closer to him.
Yet after blinking numerous times, the sight was still there, he was still there, looking at me wordlessly.
"You're awake" I said awe struck, nice one Mitch, way to point out the obvious.
He opened his mouth to speak yet closed it before pulling an unattractive face, I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion at expression that was until he motioned that he wanted a drink with his left hand.
"Of course" I scurried across the room and quickly filling up a plastic cup with water before passing it carefully over to him. I watched with a smile across my face as gulped down the drink with no hesitation, his expression relaxing considerably.
I took the cup away and placed it on the bedside table
"Hey, you look like a hot mess" he croaked out, his voice hoarse from not using it for days
I rolled my eyes "hey yourself" I replied the smile on my face widening even more, the tiredness I once felt now replaced with utter elation
"Where am I?" he asked as his eyes wondered the room with curiosity
"Hospital Nate, do you remember what happened?" I asked as I sat back down in the chair, scooting it as close to the bed as possible, wanting to be a close to him as I could
His eyes left my face as they travelled to the ceiling; it was obvious he was in some sort of emotional battle, the occasional sigh leaving his lips
A silent couple of minutes passed before he lowered his head and nodded "kind of, I know, I know I took something...I woke up...somewhere and left, last thing I remember was calling you..." he trailed off, his voice getting small as he looked at me ashamed
I inhaled deeply "you collapsed Nate, you body reacted badly to the pill, you were lucky when someone found you when they did. You were in a bad way Nate, you had to have emergency surgery on your stomach and you've been out ever since"
"Out ever since?" he questioned quietly, still unable to look at me in the eye
"7 days Nate, seven fucking days we were worried sick over you, me, Shane, Jason Alyssa, everyone. Why did you do it Nate? It's so unlike you,"
He remained silent, refusing to talk
"Nate" I reached over to his hand, lacing his fingers in mine "Nate look at me" I ordered softly as he brought his gaze to meet mine "help me understand, I'm not angry I just want to know why you did it. Ecstasy Nate, that's serious shit, what's wrong?"
He gulped, pursing his eyes shut tightly "I-I-I" he stuttered, opening his eyes and looking towards his hands as he battled to find the right words to say "I just wanted to...forget, to not be me. T-to be careless"
"What?" I spoke out quietly in disbelief
He shifted in his bed, moving his gaze to meet mine "I'm so sick of being the responsible one Mitch, I'm so fed up of being the one that does everything, I look after all of you, give you advice, I work my ass off for the band and I never get anything back but shit. I lost it. I went out to get absolutely wasted, I just wanted to be normal again, not some new music sensation, I wanted to be anyone but me. Shane and Jason get to be so carefree so why couldn't I? I met these guys and they told me that they would make me forget and have a good time, they offered me the pill, and I took it. I fucking took it because I didn't want to be boring old Nate any longer. And for that split second it took me to swallow the pill I didn't care about the implications or what you guys would think. I just didn't care." His voice was blunt and full of frustration, his eyes screaming out apologies.
I pulled my hand from my lap, taking his in mine, intertwining our fingers "Nate, you should have told me, you know that you can tell me anything, I thought we were best friends..." my voice trailed off as I fought to understand how and why it got to the stage where Nate voluntarily took drugs because he couldn't stand the way his life was going, and at what stage he stopped seeing me as his best friend
He squeezed my hand tightly "You are my best friend Mitchie"
"Then why couldn't you tell me what was wrong?"
"We were arguing" he stated sheepishly as I let out a sigh
"Everyone argues Nate, I would still be here. If not Alyssa, I just, argh, I just don't see why you couldn't have phoned me, I would have sorted Shane out, i would have helped!"
Nate bit his lip, knowing i was right as he nodded "I know and I'm sorry-" yet before he could finish his sentence the door swung open, hitting the wall harshly as it shook on its hinges.
My head swung around to be greeted by a tired, dishevelled Shane clutching his phone tightly in his hands, an unreadable expression spread across his face.
He stepped into the room before striding across its length towards the bed where Nate was currently sitting on, his speed increasing with every stride he took.
"You are a fucking idiot!" Shane exclaimed his eyes glistening as he literally pounced on Nate, embracing him in a tight hug "a fucking idiot" he repeated
Nate looked at me over Shane's shoulder and rolled his eyes slightly "I love you too Shane"
So there you go guys, there is your update, I apologise that it's taken me weeks and weeks, I'm now at college and the work load plus working at weekends full time is actually killing me, I barely have time to sleep these days. Anyway I'm on a roll tonight so you never know you may get another update from me today or tomorrow if not very soon.
Please review guys or this story will go on permanent hiatus.
