Some people have been asking 'what time are these chapters set at?'. Well, at first, this story was set at the very beginning when the New Mutants first showed up. But since this is written in a 'journal' style… and young kids are prone to forgetting about their diaries, a lot of time skipped by. Now the story is taking place right before Evan leaves and when the Institute had just been rebuilt. THAT'S RIGHT, Board boy! Beat it and let ME have all the milk! WHOAHAHAHAAA!

Evan: 0.o;;;

                Errm. But I digress. The Acolytes personally aren't well known of with the students, excluding Sabertooth. So only the Professor, and maybe Logan (and of COURSE Rogue knows Remy. The idiot tried to blow her up) would know of them. None of the other students would have a clue what the hell an 'acolyte' is. Kurt probably would think it's a kind a of soda…  And now, random comments; A Kit moment.

Luna Fox: Let me ask you this.  If you had to go camping with all the New Mutants, Logan, and your forty-some odd multiples, would YOU ever be the same?  No!  Um, I'm assuming the 'savage dancing' Jamie represents some part of his psyche.  It's probably the part that likes cookies.

And Stretch!  This is for you! ::punches Jamie in the arm, puts a bow, some random ribbons, and gift wrap on the multiple::  Here you are!  Keep in mind, they don't last long.  Like balloon animals.

Faeryeyes.  Um.  Sounds like Pyro is… uh… really happy.  Really.  I'm just gonna give him this INCONSPICOUS AND HARMLESS CAKE.  Yep.  No lighters in there… Uh... I mean… The sky is falling!  Ahhhh!!

To Nacla … MOMMA!  SHE'S THREATENING ME!! ::Runs off::

Todd Fan, sorry.  No Mags in this chapter.  I have the greatest urge to write him so badly OC, … well… it's bad.  And thanks for all those Forge idea.  Forge at Halloween comic, coming up… eventually.

Kiki Cabou: You get ten (not real) Kit dollars!  Jamie DOES escape!  Jamie DOES charm them all!  … just… not quite like you probably imagine.

Nine Bucks!  No choking on ice cream!  If that happens, just drink some REALLY hot water.  Fixes that problem up in a hurry.  And you feel bad for the Acolytes now… wait until the end of the chapter.  WHOAHAHAHAAA!

And Pantherdragon:  … do I even have to tell you to drink your milk at this point? …

(NOTE: Due to my usage of foreign language, and my mild case of lazy-ass, all words or slang you do not understand have definitions at the bottom of the chapter.)

                "The Private Life of Jamie Madrox"

                9/09/03

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                (Previously on "The Private Life of Jamie Madrox")

                "'til de p'tit accepts he been ki'napped, we ain't going nowhere." 

                They were heading towards a small cabin in the middle of the woods.  A cabin that had no out-standing, distinguishing marks, no signs, and no way to identify from any of the other dozens of houses that may be in these woods.  In other words, Jamie Madrox, age 14, was lost… with a car full of Magneto's Acolytes, no mutation, and a really bad feeling about the whole thing.

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                Jamie was lifted by Piotr and carried persuasively into the small cabin. After all, when a man who can walk through walls ('through' as in 'knocking them down like cards') picks you up, you really have no say in it. Dread permeated his small frame as the door was pushed open. Jamie half-expected to be instantly struck down by a death ray or something. Instead, he was greeted by a silent cabin.

The wooden cabin was only slightly bigger than a single story house. It had a very short hallway, and a very cluttered den. Magazines, cards, books, various 'pointy' objects, and dirty dishes lay scattered over the floor. There were fire alarms in every room --some rooms had two -- and extinguishers wedged into all the corners. Burn marks from fires and explosions scorched the floorboards. "Man, not even us teenagers are this messy." Jamie wrinkled his nose. He was perched on Piotr Rasputin's shoulder like a large and highly talkative parrot. A parrot who had no hands to use, and when Piotr skidded on a stray magazine, Madrox went flying.

Shrieking in fear, Jamie rolled into a ball to brace himself for impact with the floor. The boy never hit the floor though. Instead, he was caught and cushioned by something meaty. Jamie figured either he landed on the world's largest hamburger or someone very large caught him. Cracking open one chocolate-colored eye, Jamie found himself looking to a pair of russet-tinted eyes. The eyes were glaring.

Sabertooth had caught Jamie.

Jamie thought he was going to faint. "Nice catch, mate! Didja ever think about the big leagues?" Pyro kicked a few of the magazines out of the way.

"NEVER let this pup hit something, or you'll have a big league." Victor snarled, dropping Jamie, but making sure the boy landed on his feet. "Li'l punk copies himself if he's hit." The cat-like mutant then staked claim on one of the chairs of the room, a very plush leather chair.

Straightening uncomfortably, Jamie glanced over at the other Acolytes. Remy looked suspicious. "Dat's not right. Remy saw de boy run into a wall, de car, a door, ma' leg… and no other boys appeared."

Jamie looked down at his feet in shame. "My…" He lead off. He didn't need to look up to tell everyone was staring at him. "My mutation… stopped work-i-n-g." He said the final word very slowly, swallowing the thick sensation in his throat down. "I can't get it to work, anymore." Jamie's voice wavered.

Heavy footfalls and the tip of a silver boot alerted Jamie to Piotr's close presence. Strangely, the large mutant began to undo the knots in the jacket holding his arms down. "I am sorry for stumbling with you. And for your problem, friend." The deep tone to Piotr's voice made Jamie's bones vibrates down to his toes. "It is being unfair for you without mutation." The English he spoke with became rather broken.

"She'll be apples, Billy lid. Maybe… you just misplaced 'em?" St. John shrugged awkwardly.

"Apples?" Jamie blinked in confusion. What the heck did apples have to do with his mutation, and who was this 'she' he was referring to?

"Garcon has no powers now, yet he still kicks 'n' fights us the whole way? Why?" Remy sprawled himself out in a chair, relaxing as Jamie shook his arms free from his jacket. Piotr took a seat near the wall, nearly taking an entire sofa with his massive size.

"You were stealing! And diamonds are special and pretty. You can't take them." Jamie's voice cracked and he cleared his throat. "You're bad guys. Well… except for him. He's a weird guy." Jamie pointed at St. John. The fire-headed Australian was trying to stomp out what looked like Riverdance on the floor.

St. John Allerdyce smiled sheepishly. "Spider on the floor. Gnarly legs. Horrible bugs." The young man shuddered.

"Where did you find him anyway? He's like an extra from the Croc Hunter show!" Jamie raised an eyebrow in bewilderment.

"Oh, com'mon, mate! No one's THAT insane! … I call Good Chair!" And with that, St. John shoved Victor out of the chair and onto the floor. Sabertooth began snarling furiously at Pyro, threatening him with dismemberment and a muttered promise to stuff him into a mailbox. Swiping half-heartedly at the insane John, Victor took another chair and growled threats under his breath.

"Not sure, but Remy t'ink he come from a cereal box." Pulling on the bottoms of his gloves, Gambit adjusted the leather. "He was d'prize at de bott'm, d'Fruit Loop."

St. John sat up rigidly in his chair. "I am not! I'm from Cap'n Crunch! They have better prizes. Oooh! Or Lucky Charms. Magically delish'." Jamie tried not to laugh, pressing his hands over his mouth. Pyro then jumped up and broke into an Irish jig while singing the commercial jingle. And if his 'spider stomping' dance were any testament to his dancing skills, this white boy could not dance at all.

Shortly after this, a large, flaming crocodile, or perhaps an alligator (Jamie wasn't sure which) went gently gliding around the ceiling and turned a loop-de-loop. The Acolytes looked towards the pyro in question who had stopped dancing to watch the show.

"Hey! It wasn't me, mates!" Pyro held his hands up in a gesture for surrender.

As if all their heads were on a string, they Acolytes looked to the other side of the room. Sitting in a darkened corner was an old man with the fuzziest eyebrows Jamie Madrox had ever seen in his life. It was as if the eyebrows were trying to eat the man…

"Mastermind,… back from d'vacation, eh?" Remy rested his arms on his legs, leaning forward to stare at the man. The burning 'gator vanished without so much as a puff of smoke. It dawned on Jamie that Mastermind had the ability of illusions. "Ya like our new house-pet?" Gambit thumbed a gloved hand at Jamie. The boy snarled and snapped his teeth for show. From his own darkened corner across the room, Sabertooth made a ruffled grunting noise and flashed his red eyes over at the group.

"A hostage?" The dusty gray eyes focused on Jamie. Spooky.

"No. House guest." Piotr said in a monotone.

"I still maintain, he'd taste excellent in a barbie, with duck sauce and-- OW!" St. John had been gazing into space, imagining something, which worried Jamie. Remy kicked the fire-starter in the leg. Sabertooth, again, chose to ignore them all, but looked a bit more persuaded to stuff them all in a large oven and trying out John's idea.

Ignoring Jamie (which made the boy sigh in relief) Mastermind's hand pulled something out from under his cloak and he stepped into the light of the room. "My mission… was a bit more successful than yours, I'd assume." Masterind's hand opened and a dark blue gem suddenly appeared. "The switch was never noticed. Not even by you, Gambit." His voice was ancient. It sounded like Mastermind had lived his entire life in a dusty attic. Remy's eyes narrowed at the diamond, then his hand went to a pocket inside his coat. A piece of gravel was pulled out.

"Why'd you need the diamond?" Jamie asked. Mastermind stared at Jamie, and the boy felt the urge to suddenly shut up. Dang telepaths!

"Nice job, mon ami. Fool d'best, and ya fool d'rest." Gambit flipped the rock over his shoulder. "Was just gonna give Mag d'rock when he get back." The crimson eyes followed the diamond all the way back to Mastermind's pocket.

John snorted, throwing his hands over his head and sprawled in the Good Chair. "Yeah. And then he was going to take the rock for a walk. Honestly!" John's hands balled into fists and he pressed them under his chin, batting his eyes and trying to pull off the 'innocent' look. He failed miserably and looked like he had something in his eye. Jamie choked back a laugh at John's bad impression, mashing his hands to his mouth again. Hot breath and repressed sniggers warmed his cool hands, but also dampened the dressing over the torn hands. His palms began to tingle again and he scratched at them through the thick bandages. With every scratch, Jamie winced, but the itching didn't stop.

Jamie nearly jumped when Piotr stood up suddenly. "I take the boy to be healed. His hands have much damage." The Russian gently caught Jamie's arm at the elbow and led him through the cramped cabin to a bathroom. Bandages, gauze, aloe gel, and bottles of peroxide were strewed about the room. It looked as if the Acolytes trained very hard… or were incredibly clumsy. Jamie was willing to believe either.

"Give me your hand, nyehmnogo voeen." Piotr beckoned. Jamie looked up at him in confusion as his hand was cleaned and treated.

"Peter? WhY are you… nice?" Jamie didn't know how to phrase the question and it came out blunt and child-like. In his curiosity, his voice rose back to a squeak.

A pair of cool blue eyes looked down at him, but Piotr said nothing. A layer of fine gauze was pressed into the pads of Jamie's palms and covered with clean dressing. Finally, Piotr replied. "Because… it is what I was taught. I have family back in Russia. I have small sister, much like you." The faintest smile touched his face before vanishing back into his expressionless features. Jamie's other hand was being unwrapped.

"You miss your sister then?" Jamie said softly. Family was always a very touchy subject around mutants. Most didn't have a family, or perhaps were on their own due to a family disaster. The few lucky enough to still have a caring family --Jamie included-- didn't see them often.

"Da. Illyana… was very close to." Piotr's voice became incomprehensibly soft and a few words were incomprehensible. "Some day, she will come to America. If she is a mutant too, she will need guidance." Jamie watched in silence as the mighty Colossus tucked the loose ends of his bandage into neat folds.

"Peter? My name is Jamie Madrox."

"It is nice to meet you, Jamie Madrox." Jamie's small fingers were enclosed by a massive paw.

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                Looking back, Jamie realized it was foolish to tell his name to someone so readily. It was a routine of Good Cop-Bad Cop, with Piotr as the Good cop. But Jamie was alone, scared, and sent utterly reeling at the situation. And there was Piotr Rasputin, acting as his surrogate big brother. For all Jamie knew, Piotr could have been some master at manipulation or something.

Still, Jamie would have done it all again had he the chance. He needed that person to support him. "Ok, let's try it one more time. Peetor." Jamie said aloud, trying to pronounce the Russian's name with the same inflection that he was taught. "No… Piiteer. Ack, too much." His pen was drawing spirals along the margin of the journal. "Pii-tor. … close enough, I think. There! I got his name!" Jamie scrawled the correct pronunciation in the journal.

"Now if only I could understand what the heck, 'nyehmnogo voeen' means?"

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                "Hit me!" Jamie challenged.

"Ok, mon frere. Y'asked for it." Gambit rolled up his sleeve, his demon eyes narrowing.

A card went flying face down on the table in front of Jamie. The boy peeked at it, lifting the waxy paper from the table only a single inch. A large shit-eating grin spread over his face.

"Oooh! I don't like that smile!" St. John leaned away from Jamie. "Holy dooley. Well, hit me too." A card slid to the pyro-kinetic. Lifting the card to the other two he was holding, Pyro held up his free hand and began counting on his fingers.

"Do not strain yourself." Piotr warned. Jamie smiled even wider.

"Shaddup! Ok, twelve, sixteen, twenty-thre….DOH! I bust." Johnny groaned, throwing his cards to the table. "Wipe that smile off your face, James!"

Piotr had told the rest of the Acolytes Jamie's first name, but only after consulting the boy. St. John had thrown an arm around Jamie's shoulders and taken immediately to calling him 'James' and 'Prongs'. Why Prongs? Because St. John had the entire collection of Harry Potter books resting on one of the shelves.

In his utter boredom, Jamie actually squealed with joy when he spotted his favorite series of books.  Remy looked horribly embarrassed to even have those books in the house.  When he had pointed to the hard-bound volumes and asking if anyone had read them, Johnny's answer was:

"Too right! Almost finished the very last book, so no spoilers." A large firebird was summoned up to accent the fire-starter's point. John --it seemed-- had been bitten by the Harry Potter bug as well. A large three-headed Fluffy toy menaced Sabertooth until the older mutant stalked out of the cabin. Cats and dogs don't mix; and as John claimed, this toy was bound to be shred into stuffing like the last four toys were. Victor had a spiteful streak a mile wide, and enjoyed seeing John bawling at the loss of his toys.

With everyone now calling Jamie by name, it also put the boy on guard. Having near-strangers call out your name is rather unsettling. Particularly if they were strangers as spooky as the Acolytes. Mastermind seemed full interested in studying Jamie and his mutation problem, and voiced his opinion that Magneto would as well. THAT idea didn't go over very well with anyone. Especially Jamie, for obvious reasons.  The other Acolytes seemed to pity Jamie just enough to not want to see him involved in any experiments.

The Acolytes were strangely attentive in making sure nothing happened to Jamie. Piotr was constantly keeping the young boy in arm's reach from danger and Victor. But Victor didn't have any of the urges to rip the kid a new navel like he normally did with people and simply ignored him. Jamie was able to make faces at him without being instantly killed. Remy was also keeping an eye on Jamie; insistent upon filling Jamie's head full of knowledge of stealth, self-defense, and teaching the boy how to be his own powerhouse. And John was the goofy big-brother type, teasing and pulling pranks on the younger boy. It felt almost like being at home with the X-men, but with an added level of danger.

"So, when does static-cling man return?" Jamie asked as nonchalantly as possible.

"Magneto." Jamie was corrected by a very irritable sounding Mastermind. And Mastermind was, in turn, ignored.

"He'll be back tomorrow." Piotr was reading a classic literature book. The book, 'Faust', was an English translation. Jamie had tried to read the first few lines, but found it so amazingly boring that he joined Remy and John at cards. Mastermind kept his seat in the darkened corner, his eyes boring into Jamie's head. The boy was almost positive the old man was trying to read his mind, so he pulled out his deuce he used for mind readers.

'I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves! Everybody's nerves! Everybody's nerves! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how is gooooes! Da dada da daa. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves! Everybody's nerves! Everybody's nerves! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and …' I think you get the point. Jamie kept singing the song over and over, watching in idle amusement as Mastermind's fuzzy eyebrows began to twitch spastically. Now the song was stuck in his head, Whoahahahahah!

Even if Jamie was in the middle of the Acolyte base, his mind was still running situations for his escape. So far, his plan was for the cabin to be hit by a meteor, flooded by a tidal wave, or spontaneously swamped by a very angry force cows. Of course, the odds any of those things happening was a little better than John winning at cards.

"You're cheating, mate! I know you are!" St. John pointed an accusing finger at Remy. He had lost his 34th consecutive game in a row.

"That's what happens in life. People cheat." Remy shrugged, not denying the accusation. "'Course, when dey cheat, dey usually win…" Red on black eyes flashed over to Jamie. The small boy was hoarding a large pile of poker chips and counting his wins. Perhaps it was best that they had not decided to play 'strip blackjack' after all.

"Oh yeah?  … It's the HARD KNOCK LIFE for us!  It's the hard knock life FOR US!  'Stead of treated, we get tricked!"  Allerdyce jumped to his feet, singing in his loudest possible voice.  Remy gasped, and clapped his hands over his ears.  "'Stead of kisses, we get kicks!"  Remy jumped to his feat, hands pressed to the sides of his head and howling out what might have been French cusses.  A chair was quickly overturned and Johnny ran through the room hollering out the rest of the words as Gambit tried to stuff exploding cards in the pyro's ears.  Jamie took the time to peek at Gambit's abandoned hand, and then doubled his bet.

A few minutes later, John stopped singing and sat back down at the table.  Remy was rubbing his ears violently, as if trying to scrub the song out.  Without a word, Jamie flipped his hand up to reveal a perfect blackjack to Remy's three card twenty-one.  "That… I swear, is impossible." John snapped his lighter twice. "People just don't win that much in real life. You need to adjust better to reality, Prongs. Com'mon! Let's go throw stuff at other stuff." John snagged Jamie's arm and dragged him to the kitchen. Jamie was forced to follow, bewildered and more than a little hungry. He had been putting off eating any food from the Acolytes base in fear of it being drugged. Paranoia via Scott's teaching, ain't it great?

Inside the kitchen was Victor, looming over the refrigerator. When John pulled Jamie into the room, Victor glared at them and growled. The Australian unconsciously clung to Jamie at the sight of his much hairier and much larger teammate snarling fiercely. "Whoa mate! We're not touching yer meat! Just… going to throw pots at pans and see if we can give Remy a migraine." John's hobbies included fire (duh), Harry Potter, reading Harlequin novels, bad 80's bands, and giving Gambit headaches.

"We are?" Jamie mumbled from under John's arm. Victor grabbed a package of frozen meat out of the freezer and threw it roughly onto the open flame of the stove. Then he held up his index finger and stalked outside.

"Yeah yeah, one minute, high flame. I know." John snorted. Seconds later the small blue flame on the gas stove became a massive, orange and red flaming inferno. Jamie squeaked in fear, hiding under the table and the flame formed into the shape of a cow and began stamping all over the meat. It mooed and stomped. It flicked its fiery tail. It chewed its fire cud. Yep, cows --fire form or otherwise-- were pretty boring to watch. A sudden idea hit Jamie. While Pyro was busy 'cooking', why not make a break for the back door in the kitchen? It was only feet away from the very spot Jamie was cowering. The door was obviously unlocked, as Victor had walked right through. Once free, Jamie would only have to follow the road back to a town and then he'd try calling home again.

Creeping along the floor on all fours, Jamie looked back at Pyro for a second. He had a massively homicidal grin on his face and was waving his arms like some kind of nutcase conductor. Jamie increased his speed, edging towards the door. Carefully, ever so carefully, the boy levered open the heavy door leading outside. It was dark, nearly without any light at all. The moon glistened off the pine trees just enough to give the hint of shadows and outlines. Looking back at John one more time, Jamie steeled his courage and jumped outside.

WHAM! Jamie's head rammed into the very door he swore he had just opened. Rubbing his neck and looking up, Jamie realized just where his plan went wrong. Sabertooth. The wild mutant was standing in the doorway, his arms crossed, and a smug smirk on his face. Reaching down and seizing Jamie by the collar, he dragged him back inside like a bag of cement. Jamie flailed helplessly as he was dragged back into captivity. John still noticed nothing. At this point, Jamie was pretty sure a herd of flying pigs could have come through the house and he wouldn't have noticed. Sabertooth kept Jamie held under one arm, so the boy dangled several feet off the ground. 'I feel like a piñata.' Jamie thought. 'Just as long as no one starts beating me… I can live with being a piñata.' One minute later, the cow vanished back to a controlled blue flame and the chunk of meat was a darkened red color.

"Wooot! Flash fried to perfection!" St. John cracked his knuckles and stretched out, as if cooling down from a long work out.

Victor stalked over to the stove, grabbing his food and dropping Jamie on the floor. "If you make a racket, I'll rip off yer arms and smack you 'round with 'em." He growled around a bite of the cooked meat. Jamie gave another frightened peep and froze in panic. Apparently the threat was so plausible, even John paled. The two younger mutants stood there in fear long after Sabertooth left and Piotr came in.

The Russian took one look at Jamie and frowned at the dark rings under the youngster's eyes. "Jamie. You are hungry, da? We make something before you fall asleep where you stand." Piotr rummaged through the fridge, pulling out the makings for sandwiches. Jamie pulled himself up to the table, sitting in one of the oversized chairs. St. John decided to help and pulled out hot sauce, wasabi, and bell peppers. Jamie began to think he had a fetish.

"I could eat a horse and chase the jockey! Want a sanger? It's goooooo~od!" St. John offered, holding up his 'creation' and dancing it across the table. Jamie refused as politely as he could with one hand clamped over his nose. He could feel his nostrils burning at the smell of the sandwich.

Several ham sandwiches were made and consumed by the boy. 'Several' as in 'half a dozen' kind of several. Jamie's appetite seemed to match his growth spurts. John put away two of the sandwiches, but slathered them in mustard, hot sauce, pepper, and jalapeno peppers. Piotr didn't seem to eat anything, but the large plate of extra sandwiches did vanish when Jamie had his back turned.

Stomach full and injuries cared for, Jamie's head felt rather heavy. The cottage was very warm; a result of Pyro's 24 hour fireplace display running (currently, it was 'fire celebrities'). In the den, Remy was singing "Que Sara, Sara", but every other word seemed to be a mumbled swear.  It still sounded very soohing. It was all Jamie could do just to keep sitting straight at the table.

Jamie yawned, his jaw popping and eyes tearing as he fights the inevitable. He doesn't feel anything as Colossus lifts him from his chair, and by the time his head touches a pillow, he was already asleep.

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                Actually, sleep didn't sound too bad to Jamie right now. Stretching, he put his pen on the journal and began to loosen up his muscles. Logan had put Jamie through his own gauntlet earlier that day, testing his new abilities. With his growth spurt, Jamie was now stumbling over his longer legs and knocking his elbows into everything, be it table tops or people. He was even more clumsy than usual!

Outside in the hall, sounds of several of the students running were heard. The new student Scott had picked up ended up bunking with Rahne. The young girl was only a year older than Jamie, and had the ability to create and destroy electric fields. She was currently learning now not to destroy electronic appliances. So far, though, she'd gone through two lamps, a alarm clock, the big TV in the den, and accidentally shorted out the main generator three times.

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                Sitting in the middle of the floor, Jamie Madrox looked over his shoulder at the Acolytes. They were all distracted at the time, juggling fire or cards or food. It was time. Jamie made a break for the door, and before anyone could reach him, threw himself out into the woods. The trees choked the sky from view as he ran. Jamie didn't dare turn around to see if he was being followed. He was almost free! If he just had help, or a distraction, he could go home!

A figure was cutting through the thick brush ahead. Jamie skidded to a halt, his breath choking in his throat. It… couldn't be.

"LOGAN!" Jamie cheered, leaping at him for a hug. He was saved! Logan had found him after all! Logan always showed up to save the New Mutants, like their own personal bodyguard. All the tension of being kidnapped faded away as Jamie clung to the brawny man. "I'm so glad you're here I was worried that no one was coming and my mutation still isn't back," Jamie babbled, sniffling into the thick flannel of Logan's shirt.

Covering Logan from behind was Nightcrawler, Iceman, and Cannonball, all looking about the forest warily. "It's ok, Squirt. Now that we've got you, we can sing."

"…wha?" Jamie pulled back, looking up at Logan in confusion. He must have something in his ears, because that really didn't sound right.

Suddenly, it seemed like they were standing on a very picturesque setting. Tall trees loomed overhead while mountains rose from the distance. Jamie was now positive he heard music playing in the background. What the…? Was all this behind the cabin the whole time?

"I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok! I sleep all night and I work all day!" Logan sang, his coarse voice hitting the notes all wrong. In the background, Kurt, Bobby and Sam echoed his song with the refrain.

"I cut down trees! I eat my lunch! I go to the…lavatory (whatever the hell that is). On Wednesdays I go shoppin' and have butter scones for tea!" He began to dance. Jamie was now terrified. The trio of background singers echoed him, standing around in Canadian Mounty uniforms.

"Cut cuts down trees! He eats his lunch, he goes to the lavatory! One Wednesdays he goes shopping and has butter scones for tea! He's a lumberjack and he's ok! He sleeps all night and he works all day!" Kurt, Bobby, and Sam linked arms and did the can-can. Logan still singing. Jamie cowered.

Suddenly Sabertooth began to sing, stepping into the spotlight. "I cut down trees! I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers! I put on woman's clothing, and hangs around in bars!" Wolverine's foe was wearing a cocktail dress and stiletto heels.

The background singers looked a little confused at Sabertooth's confession, but continued to sing. "He's a lumberjack and he's ok! He sleeps all night and he works all day!"

"I cut down trees, I wear high heels, suspenders and a bra! I wish I'd been a girly, just like my dear papa!" The two savage men were prancing about, wearing very pastel colors. Jamie could feel his gag reflex triggering.

                Suddenly Jamie wakes from his dream. "PETER!!!! I had a nightmare!" He shouts, clutching at the blankets. In the background, someone was playing Monty Python, and it happened to be on the Lumberjack song. It was daylight outside now. The pale light was filling the room and dust motes danced in the air. The golden particles went soaring when Piotr hurried over to the sofa where Jamie had been sleeping. A table was kicked indifferently out of the way as he reached Jamie's side.

Colossus sat quietly next to Jamie, placing one large hand over the boy's head. Jamie was shuddering in disgust from the dream. Angry, hairy men should never be stuffed into dresses!

Still in his corner (Jamie was now convinced Mastermind was glued to his head), the telepath suddenly stiffened and then broke into fit of coughing. Did that jerk just read his mind? 'Hey! Leave my head along, Caterpillar Eyebrow-guy!' Jamie thought. Now Mastermind's eyes jerked up to stare at Jamie in flat out shock. 'Yeah! Yer eyebrows look like a couple of wooly 'pillars! Caterpillar-guy!' As most 14-year-old are habituated to do, Jamie than began taunting Mastermind's eyebrows.

"Jamie… you alright, there?" Piotr noticed the way Jamie seemed to be glaring into space, as if he were thinking about something really hard.

"Uh… yeah. I'm fine." Jamie stretched. He paused in mid-stretch. "Hey! It doesn't hurt anymore!" He suddenly announced.

"Pouqoui? What doesn't hurt no more?" Gambit leaned into the room.

Jamie jumped to his feet, stretching his arms and back. "Me! All my aches and stuff are gone! Those… growing pain thingys." Jamie began to jump, testing out his legs. "WHOA! I'm tall!" Jamie suddenly noticed just how tall he was. The sofa, which was almost the exact same one in the den of the institute, was now very small looking.

The rest of the Acolytes entered the room at the racket and spotted the not-quite-so-small boy jumping around, waving his arms, and cheering. Sabertooth walked in, and immediately walked back out without stopping. Mastermind followed immediately after him, grumbling something about caterpillars under his breath.

Piotr checked Jamie's hands quickly before going to retrieve the first aid kit. As for John, he went back in to the kitchen, where all the things that could potentially explode were located. Remy was the only other one in the room. He was leaning against the wall, one hand in his pocket. Jamie fidgeted uncomfortably in the silence that followed.

"Uh.. I … should find Peter." Jamie jumped to his feet, heading towards the bathroom after the silence became intolerable.

"Day 1. Moral is low, but due to that pile of candy I found, I'm sugar-high." Remy began to read from a torn piece of newsprint. Red crayon marked all over the page in childish print. Jamie froze in place as Gambit read. "At first, I thought I was kidnapped by a 3-ring circus, but there are actually five of them. Add one more Acolyte and it would be like Jamie Madrox and the seven dwarfs. I definitely don't want to be here when angry-electric 'dwarf #6' comes home. Unless my mutation comes back I don't think I want to be around when the bad guy comes back."

Gambit looked away from the paper to the slack jawed expression on the boy's face. "Ya spelled 'electric' wrong, garcon, and ya need t'hide yer diary pages better." The thief smirked, his darkened crimson eyes narrowing in amusement.

"Givitback!" Jamie jumped for the paper. Gambit held it above his head.

"Ah ah. It's not bad, tapis. Kinda… fun. F'Remy t'read, that is." Gambit lowered the paper just a bit, and then jerked it back up as Jamie jumped.

Jamie widened his stance, pouting. "How'd you find that? I put it where no one would think to look!" Jamie had hidden the 'journal entry' wedged between the last pages of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. At the rate John was reading, he wouldn't find it for quite a while, and no one else showed even the slightest desire to read them.

A lightbulb flickered on in Jamie's head. "You were reading it... You were reading Harry Potter!" The not-currently-multiplying-mutant began to raise his voice. "So you finished already? What did you think? Did you like it too?!"

Remy's eyes widened in horror. Quickly he thrust the page back at Jamie and then clamped one gloved hand over the brunettes mouth. "Not a word, garcon. Remy keep your secr't, you keep Remy's, oui?"

Jamie smirked.

Gambit frowned and removed his hand

"Ok. Deal!" Jamie held his bandaged arm out. Remy shook his hand. "No more reading my journal, and I won't tell anyone you're a closet fan."

"Swampy is a what?" John leaned into the room, smirking. Remy charged a single card until it was a blinding gold. "Uh… I… heard nothing." St. John said mechanically and pulled back out of the room.

Jamie took the sofa over by force, sprawling out on the leather. "So… how'd ya find your mutation. Fo' that matter, what IS de mutation?" Remy began to flip a single card about in his long fingers.

Figuring Gambit already knew about his mutation (Jamie had the sinking suspicion that Magneto had been keeping tabs on all the students at the institute), he decided to tell the his story. Couldn't hurt anymore than them already knowing his name, Jamie reasoned. "Well, I was up in the attic back at home, and I was looking for a box. The attic was really dust and gross, and this BIG ugly spider dropped down the back of my shirt. So I started jumped around yelling and rammed my head into a rafter. The next thing I know, there are three other me's all running an' screaming an' jumping around. For a moment, I thought I was seeing double or mom had mirrors hidden up in the attic."

Gambit chuckled softly. "Bet your 'mother' was shocked t'hell to see she had four dusty li'l boys." Jamie laughed too.

"Yeah, when I first started multiplying, my copies were filling the whole house. It was like that Star Wars 'Attack of the Clones''!" Remy dropped his card trying to keep from laughing any harder. An army of small, cute boys was almost as ridiculous as the fire zoo that John started behind the cabin.

The afternoon began to tick onwards. Mastermind received a telepathic signal from Magneto, and informed everyone he'd be over within an hour. Jamie suddenly felt all his courage drop down to his shoes. Clutching his eyes shut, Jamie waited for his doom. He would have curled into a fetal position, but he wanted to be brave. He wanted to show his friends back home he wasn't scared of anything, even when he should be. Piotr cleaned Jamie's dressings one final time, and then gave the boy a sympathetic pat on the back. But at that moment, Jamie felt something… 'click'.

"Kak! Skol'ko… so many!" Piotr's English became nothing more than broken fragments. Jamie felt odd. His eyes were still pressed closed, but it was as if he could see everyone gawking at him. How was that even…

Jamie's eyes suddenly snapped open, his mouth hanging open. Sitting around him, looking confused, were two copies. The duplicates had no bandages on their hands, and seemed horribly confused about their arms and legs for some reason.

"Hey! We're all tall!"

"Dude! We don't have to use a chair to get cups anymore!"

"Wow, the floor is a long ways a way now."

"Dance boogy! Dance dance dance!" (You probably guessed it… Savage dancing).

"WHERE HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN?" This was the original Jamie. He jumped forward and grabbed his two multiples in a hug,

Remy and John were staring at Jamie in utter shock. "Mon Dieu! De boy is like a photo copier!" Gambit blinked a few times, wondering if his brain were being manipulated by Mastermind for a second. Mastermind was wondering if his brain was being manipulated by that ham, salsa, and mustard sandwich John had smuggled into his lunch.

St. John, on the other hand, "WOW! Ace! That's bloody wicked, Prongs," was orbiting the Jamies like an electron and firing off question at an astonishing rate. "Can you copy things too? Do you know what your copies are thinkin'? Which is the evil one? How many of 'em can you make there?"

"Muhwa?" Was all three Jamie's answer. Their brains had been fried. Jamie #3, naturally, burst into dance without the head-Jamie to tell him to stop. Sabertooth walked into the room, spotted three Jamies (one of which was dancing like a spaz) and immediately left the room again. He wasn't paid enough to deal with multiple little kids. Hell, he wasn't paid enough to deal with Johnny.

Jamie's thoughts quickly collected. He had his mutation back and there was only one thing he wanted to do (well, besides go to Disneyland). "RUUUUN!" Jamie howled, punching himself in the chest. Five more duplicates popped out, and they all scattered. It was like an infestation of Jamies in the small cabin. Several Jamies began leaping over the furniture while Remy tried to grab them. One ran over to the fireplace and inevitably started dancing in front of the flames, which distracted St. John. A few ran around Mastermind in a circle, calling him 'fuzzy head'. One clung to each of Piotr's legs like Jamie-leg-weights.

Even more multiples were added to the mix. No one knew who the real Jamie was. There were multiples raiding the fridge. Multiples watching TV. Multiples opening and slamming doors. Multiples throwing things. Multiples everywhere! Mastermind had long since pulled his mind inwards to his 'quiet place' and was sitting in the middle of the den staring blankly into space. Sabertooth had vanished deep into the woods and climbed a tree, snarling at anything that came near. Remy and John became entangled in a toilet paper and duct tape web that the multiples wove over the bathroom doorway.

"Kid has kangaroos loose in the top paddock. I swear." John said, suspended upside down. All the blood was rushing to his head, and his lighter was laying on the floor, mere inches from his fingers.

Piotr, however, had not budged a single inch. Ten Jamies were pulling on his arms, and more were trying to push him from behind. "Jamie, I know this is you." Piotr's hand gently nudged one of the many Jamies milling about. The boy froze in fear.

"How… can you tell? We all look alike." His voice quavered. His escaping-via-driving-everyone-insane plan wasn't working!

Reaching down, Piotr tugged on the clean, white bandages on Jamie's hands. "Your brothers look like you, but they do not have these. Jamie's red shirt almost covered the bandages, but Piotr was more perceptive than the boy thought.

Jamie's head sagged to his chest in dismay and his multiples stopped trying to push Colossus. "Are you going to lock me up?"

"Nyet."

Brown eyes bugged open. "What? You aren't? I thought… you…" The young mutant became confused. Several of the multiples began to vanish as he lost concentration.

"You have nothing we need, and we can gain nothing with you. You are young. Go home. We will not tell Magneto of you." Piotr gently pulled the multiples off his legs, setting them on the ground beside the original Jamie.

"Go home?" Jamie echoed.

"You are now my brother, nyehmnogo voeen. Go home." Colossus stood firm, waiting for Jamie to move. The multiples faded away to only Jamie and his psycho dancing copy. The boy was staring up at Colossus, tears burning at his eyes.

"Thaaank you, Peter." He choked, his voice cracking. Stepping forward, he hugged the Acolyte and stifled a sniffle.

"Alright Precious, I'm here!" A new voice called out.

Jamie froze and pulled away from Piotr. "I know that voice…" He mulled. A wild blew through the cabin, sending magazines and garbage flying. The wind was laughing at Remy and John in their sticky web.

"...PIETRO!" Jamie shouted.

The speed mutant stopped abruptly and lifted his hands to his ears. "We've got to stop meeting with you screaming in my ear, Squirt." Pietro winced. Then he did a double take. "SQUIRT?! What are you doing here?!"

"I got kidnapped, but Peter says I can go home now." Jamie's voice was carefully kept at a low hum to prevent squeaking. It would be embarrassing if Pietro heard his voice crack. Jamie dashed down the hall to say goodbye to the captive Remy and St. John. Maybe Piotr would let them out… after he had a moment's peace. Jamie actually hugged John (from his sticky trap) and then warned Remy to 'stay away from my Rogue'. The Cajun stared down at the boy with a slack jaw before trying to struggle free again, muttering words in French.  That was when Jamie broke into song…

"So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, good night!"  Jamie waved.  Remy broke into a coughing fit.  "I hate to go and leave this pretty sight!  So long!  Farewell!  Auf Wiedersehen!  Adieu!  Adieu!  ADIEU!  To you and you and YOOOOU!"  Crooning, Jamie jumped out of the hallway and quickly mugged Mastermind, leaving a Remy in a musically-induced coma and John trying to 'air-applaud' his singing.  Remy soon broke out of his silence and began swearing even louder.

"Oooh! Dishware!" St. John looked over at Remy, appalled. "I'm onto you, Swampy!" Remy, however, was now confused. He began charging the sticky tape as Jamie ran back into the den.

"Bye Peter! I'll miss you." Jamie waved, stepping next to entryway of the cabin.

Colossus kept his arms folded and had not moved an inch since Pietro's arrival. "You are still saying my name wrong. 'Piotr', not 'Peter'." The giant corrected.

Pietro, of course, saw this as 'cannon fodder'. "Be right back, Petey. I'll just take the little guy home then, before dad gets here." Pietro shuddered. Lifting Jamie onto his back, Pietro stumbled a bit. "Hey kid? Did you grow or something? You seem heavier." Jamie snorted. He didn't know the half of it. There was a silver, green, and red (this was Jamie's shirt) blur as they smoked out of the cabin. Piotr was waving.

"Wait! Go back, Pietro! There is something I have to do first." Jamie turned about in Pietro's arms, trying to see back to the cabin. And suddenly they were there. Remy and St. John appeared to have gotten free from the tape trap and were leaving the house veeerry sloooowly. Or at least, it seemed that way to Pietro.

"HEY JOHNNY! Here's a spoiler for you, … SIRIUS DIES! WHOAHAHAAA!"

St. John was silent for a bit. "… Wha… Oh my god. YOU LITTLE PUNK!" A giant firebird exploded from the house in the woods as Pietro sped away with Jamie Madrox. Remy's favorite pair of socks on the line was quickly incinerated.

"Merde. Remy liked those socks, too."

***********************************************************

                Pietro had dropped Jamie off at the gates of the Institute, warning the boy that the whole place had been in an uproar over his kidnapping. Ruffling Jamie's hair, he made Multiple promise to tell him the whole story before zipping back to the cabin.

                That was nearly three days ago.

Jamie looked out the window at the bright sunlight streaming into his room. It seemed strange to grow. One minute he was the smallest of all of the mutants in the institute, and the next he was towering over half of them and sounded like he had swallowed a brick.

While Jamie had been missing, the students and teachers had gone on search and rescue missions all day long. They managed to track Jamie's trail as far as the phone booth in the gas station where he took a bathroom break. But the trail went cold before they could go any further. Upon Jamie's return, everyone had gone frantic with relief and coddled him. Kitty was opening crying, promising over and over to never leave him behind again. The new mutants were simultaneously amazed he had gotten back all on his own (Pietro's help remained a secret), and vowing that if he ever got kidnapped again that they would find him and kick his butt after they kicked around the bad guy. Logan was visibly relieved and spent a good deal of time teaching Jamie new martial art maneuvers. The Professors looked as if the weight of the world had been removed off his shoulders. But it was Rogue who was the most changed at his arrival.

Rogue was constantly keeping an eye on him in the Danger Room, even if they had a 5 AM session. She never asked a single question about his whole trip, but Jamie could see the intrigue lighting eyes whenever Jamie spoke in his new voice. Before, Rogue would listen when he spoke. Now, she would do the speaking and he would listen. She would take him into town and he would watch as she taught him to skirt around giant crowds. And early in the morning, before anyone else got up, Rogue would tell him secrets that she had told no one else.  She had found the bag of diamonds Jamie had tossed out of the bags and the authorities had recovered all of the precious stones, save for one.  The one Mastermind had gotten.  The same one Jamie gave to the Professor the second he came home.  During the wild pandemonium of his escape, Jamie mugged Mastermind and grabbed the diamond off of him while the man was in his own private 'lala-land'.  Now the museum had their entire collection back, thanks to Jamie Madrox.

Charles Xavier had called Jamie straight to the Medlab when the boy returned, pulling him from the crowed of students.  Hank had run a full diagnosis on Jamie, looking over old injuries and checking him for new ones.. The damage to his hands was actually healing very well, thanks to Piotr's care. Jamie's mutation had also returned in full and was just as it had been. Still, the few days that his mutation had gone dormant rose many questions about how it had been possible.

One idea was that Jamie's skin had somehow formed an 'anti-kinetic suit' of sorts, keeping him from copying. With his growth spurt came new levels of testosterone and adrenaline, which acted as a buffer for his mutation. Once his hormones leveled out again, his skin regained his old ability to absorb kinetic energy. Or might have been that his mutation evolved around the chemical change and got used to the surge of hormones. It was like a teen getting oily skin during a growth spurt; Jamie got a mutant-repressed ability.

'I learned many secrets from this. While I can't remember where the Acolytes base is hidden, I learned Rogue's real name is Marie. I learned Piotr is homesick. I actually have pity for Sabertooth now. I learned more about my mutation than I'd ever care to know.  Remy is terrified of musicals.  And Johnny talks about Oprah in his sleep.  But most of all, I learned how much I miss myself.' The penmanship was still as messy in the new, leather-bound book as it was in Jamie's old one.

"Looks like I'll still be getting nagged about my sloppy handwriting." Jamie grinned.

BAMF! Jamie jumped, knocking his leg on the underside of his desk. Knowing he had only two seconds before utter embarrassment, Jamie grabbed his leather book and sat on it. A multiple behind him stared up at the ceiling in confusion, waving his arms as a distraction.

"Kurt?"

"Jamie." Came the reply.

"Why are you hanging on our lights?"

"… Um… you know that big plant Storm had in the hall?"

Jamie #2 thought for a bit. "You mean that big Century plant?"

"Ja… that one." Kurt's voice wavered slightly. "Um… well, Storm now has a big plant…"

"KUUUURT!" The sky began to darken and lighting ripped through the atmosphere.

"…all over the dinning room floor…" He finished, voice laden with horror.

Multiple Man surveyed the raging storm outside, and his blue friend hanging from the light fixture. "You can hide in my closet! I'll sneak you food at stuff! It'll be like having a roommate!"

"HEY! I'm your roommate though!" Jamie's multiple interjected.

"No you aren't! You're like an evil voice in my head who comes out and blames everything on me!"

"No I'm not! You do that!"

"No I don't!"

"Yu-huh!"

"Uh-uh!"

"Yu-huh!!!" Jamie shoved Jamie. Another multiple appeared.

"Uh-uh!" For a change, Jamie pushed Jamie. Yet another multiple appeared.

Kurt joined the two multiples on the floor, munching on a bag of chips and watching the soap opera unfurl. The pushing and shoving became the focus so much, Kurt missed it when Jamie began to cuss in French and Russian and using Australian slang…

One of the many multiples filling the room broke away from the even and picked up the fallen journal. Finding the black pen, he scrawled along the margin in loopy print, finishing the entry.

                'I'm still waiting for the day I can use all this knowledge as blackmail information. I can even blackmail myself! WHOAAHAHAHAA!

                                                Jamie Madrox (#14)'

***********************************************************************

And now, the great and collective DICTIONARY!

                Australian word-age! Gotta get around to thanking my great aunt. She's wiggi.

Ace = very good! Excellent!
Billy lid - little kid
Holy dooley! = Good heavens!
Sanger = sandwich
She'll be apples = it'll turn out ok. (A/N: confuses the hell outta me too)
Too right! = definitely!

                Russian Vocab! (GOD, MY NON-EXISTENT RUSSIAN SKILLS!!)

Nyehmnogo voeen = little warrior
Kak = what
Skol'ko = how
nyet = no

                And French (,)

Pourquoi = why?
Garcon = boy
merde =  shit