Zaofu
Late Winter, 175 AG

Dear Mako -

I still haven't heard from you. Have I said something stupid and offended you? If I have please tell me, please don't do that thing where you just refuse to speak to me. I understand if you are too busy to write - I know Republic City is a mess, Tu has filled me in on a lot of what is happening, and Su regularly gets updates from her sister - but I just feel like this is personal. Or who knows, maybe it is just me getting all over nerves for nothing. We all know how that goes. I'm like a nervous little poodle monkey, even though I would far rather come across as a goat gorilla. Or a sandshark, maybe. I bet if I came across like a sandshark I wouldn't have to talk to the Cockroach tomorrow. He's come to (berate) visit me yet once again. Hooray, says Wu sarcastically, with a horrible sulky face.

I have an announcement to make! This morning during my waterbending forms I was able to execute and hold the earth dragon! It was only for a measly few seconds, but considering that every other time I have attempted it I have toppled over like a toddler, I felt extremely accomplished. Chef made my favorite smoothie in celebration. It has mango in it. It is to die for. Only not by being stabbed, ha ha ha.

Kyoshi Yumi has joined us in our morning group as well. She's the one who saved me, did I tell you? She went off-duty when we arrived back at Lord Moon Peaches' house that night and she had gone back to the room the Warriors slept in to take off her uniform and makeup and such, but she said something just felt wrong to her and she couldn't settle, so she took up her fans and katana - which she's technically not supposed to do out of uniform, but I'm certainly not going to turn her in for it! - and went exploring around. She was outside the house and saw that my bathroom window was open and immediately ran into the house and straight for my bedroom, brushing past Kyoshi #2 and #4 who were (allegedly) on duty and she was already opening the bathroom door when I finally had brains enough to shout for help. The funny thing about it is that I saw her, but I had NO IDEA who the random woman was in my bathroom with the sword because I had never seen her without her makeup on! I didn't recognize her! In any case, when this was all explained to Su's satisfaction, she let Yumi stay on with me. The rest were sent home in disgrace. It turns out that Yumi is pretty nice when she isn't looking like she wants to kill someone. And I was right, she was laughing when I asked about the concubines. She told me she couldn't believe I could discuss concubines in a room of such august personages with such a straight face. I'm glad she leaves off the makeup right now, though, because the makeup deeply unsettles me if I am being honest. It looks so blank and angry. Also! Kyoshi! Not so friendly to Earth Kings, if you recall your history!

In other news, Huan is teaching Tu more advanced earthbending! I know, I was surprised, too. I mean, I know Huan's an earthbender and a metalbender at that, but I'd never actually seen him bend anything but his sculptures. I asked him about it and he gave me a very long and detailed explanation which frankly I found hard to follow but it had something to do with pacifism and also believing that bending could be taught without violence. Also, as I think I mentioned before Huan doesn't like strange people touching him, and that includes people heaving dirt at him. I'm thinking that maybe he should have been the airbender in the family. But in any case, it's interesting to watch. I thought teaching earthbending would be a lot of throwing rocks at people's heads, but with Huan it involves bare feet, blindfolds, and lots of concentrating. I don't know anything about bending but even I can see that Tu is improving. Apparently once Huan is satisfied that he can earthbend like a badgermole they will move onto metalbending.

So long story short, one of Su's security force is going to escort Grandma Yin back to Republic City in a few days and Tu is staying here for awhile. I'm happy. I actually do like Tu. He has the manners of a wolfbat, of course, but I secretly envy him that. I should like to have the manners of a wolfbat in the middle of abdication discussions! Also, I envy his arms. I could do waterbending forms for the rest of my life and never get my arms to look like that. Alas!

I get dispatches every day about the situation in the Earth Kingdom. Between trying to hold earth dragon and drinking smoothies and admiring my manly scars I'm actually trying to think about what is happening. It's become painfully clear to me that my whole idea of abdicating - just going into Ba Sing Se and saying, yes, Wu is done, carry on with yourselves whilst I return to Republic City and sing for a living - is really not going to work. It doesn't mean I can't abdicate! But it does mean that if I don't want to watch the Earth Kingdom tear itself into pieces I have to do it slowly and in stages, making sure that the democratic states are well and fully in place before I do it. It will probably take some time. Not years or anything, but possibly another year or two of getting it all in hand.

I will tell you - and I have told no one else, not even Su or Huan - that I am so sad. I didn't want this. I wanted to be able to be free, to be able to just tie it all up in a neat little bow and walk away from it, to live my life for myself. What a fool I am. What a fool I have always been. I am about ready to chuck it all and run away to the Sandbenders like Jade Blossom. I don't want this responsibility. I am terrified to be a King. I'm really not a very brave person when it all comes down to it. But there's no one else to do it, so here I am. Mistakes and all.

I thought about Korra, though - she was born to be the Avatar, it was never a choice for her either, she is who she is and she had to embrace and accept all the parts of that. And so do I. I was born to be a King, and it is my duty and responsibility to be the best King I can be for as long as necessary. I will be a different King, this I do swear. And perhaps if I work very hard and try to make the best decisions I can, some day in the (near?) future the Earth Kingdom will no longer need a monarch, will no longer need to define itself as a kingdom, and that will be a good day indeed. I have started this game of Pai Sho and all I can do is hope I am a good enough player for an entire Kingdom.

Please, Mako, please. Write to me. Tell me I am doing the right thing. Please tell me that it is right of me to try and set things straight before I step down instead of just walking away. Because at the end of the day when I am all alone again here in my room I am just the same old Wu that wants nothing more than to make you proud of me. Please tell me that you are. Please.

- Wu