SEIS - SEARCHES AND SETUPS

Mary finished putting on her shoes, and stood up. Looking ahead, she saw where the dirt path led from the last paved street, across a grassy area, and to where Acme Forest began, which was where she and the rest were standing. Then she looked up and saw Sweetie flying toward her and her friends. Landing next to Sneezer, who was still on the bicycle's basket, she said, "Monty went straight home. It looks like he learned his LESSON."

The rest smiled at the news, and The J.A.M. said, "Okay, looks like we're ready to go."

"Your house is not far from here, is it?" asked Mary.

The jaguar thought for a moment and replied, "Pedalling, it isn't, but since we all have to walk now, it might seem farther than usual. Then again, you're a human, so it might seem farther to you than to Calamity, Beeper, or me."

"Hey, don't worry about me, J.A.M. Skating has its advantages, you know. I'll be okay." She smiled at him, and he smiled back.

"Very well. ¡Síganme los buenos!" With that, he grabbed his bicycle by the handlebars, and padded into the forest.

Mary, Sneezer, and Sweetie looked at the other Mexicans in confusion, until Beeper translated, "'Good guys, follow me'."

Satisfied, Mary and the rest followed him, except for the canarymaid and mice, who were still on the basket. As they walked/padded their way to his house, Mary noticed that her friend led them through grass-covered areas, and pebble-covered areas as well, avoiding bare dirt wherever possible. Looking behind her for a moment, she saw practically no foot or paw prints or tire-tracks left behind. Deeper and deeper they went, and after a while, she began getting just a trifle nervous. As a city girl, she didn't venture into the forest very often, and this was the deepest she had ever gone and in an area she wasn't familiar with. She tried to keep her bearings with the sun and shadows and tried to establish reference points, but the trail became too confusing and monotonous after a while. She doubted Montana would be able to find The J.A.M.'s house, even with bloodhounds or infrared sensors. And even if he did, it would just be him and the jaguar on the jaguar's turf, so Montana would have a terrible disadvantage, even if he had an arsenal of weapons with him.

She felt relieved that she sent her friend the message in time, instead of following Shirley's advice to leave the two alone. Checking her watch, she saw that they had walked for thirty minutes now in an interminable maze of trees, bushes, boulders, rivulets, and other forestry features. Walking still more and more, she deduced that her friend would need to wake up pretty early in the morning in order to get to the Looniversity in time—

Then she realised that none of them were actually riding on the bicycle. Pedalling, the trail wouldn't take so long to take—

She was slowing them down! If she had not come along, everyone would still be on the bicycle, with Beeper following and Sweetie flying next to them! But because she came along, everyone had to slow down to HER pace! But then again, The J.A.M. invited her to come, and she did accept. Sure it was nice for him and the rest to be considerate of her "humanity" and let her very much set the pace of the hike, but once again, she felt left out, and almost marginalised, because she wasn't a furry. Sure, her time skating and playing basketball had given her a good physical condition to walk this trail without much effort, but it was her speed that gave her the disadvantage. She sighed and looked down a trifle, not bothering to try to memorise the trail anymore.

"Mary, where are you going, huh-huh?" asked Sneezer. She suddenly stopped and looked up. Everyone else had stopped, and she was about five metres away from them.

"Um, sorry," she replied. "I didn't notice you guys stopping. Are you getting tired?" she asked, hoping to tease them somehow.

"No. We're here," replied the jaguar, not noticing her attempt to tease. In fact, no one else noticed, either.

Disappointed, Mary walked over to them. "Here?" she asked. They were next to an oak tree that looked like all the others, to her, at least. She was surprised to see the panther move a piece of bark aside from the trunk, as if he were opening a miniature door. He then took a key from his leather pouch, inserted it in the hidden keyhole, and opened the "door" to his house. Mary was more than stunned at this. The door was perfectly camouflaged in the tree trunk, and since it wasn't rectangular, but irregularly shaped, the cracks blended in the bark perfectly. Also, it opened inwardly so as not to sweep aside any grass, pebbles, or dirt outside. The felid pushed his bicycle inside, and the rest followed him. The inside of tree was spacious, some four square metres, but not quite big enough to serve as a home. The J.A.M. leaned the bicycle against the inner wood, and the mice climbed down. Instinctively, he locked the rear wheel to the frame.

"This is your house?" signed Beeper, looking around.

"Oh, no, this is just the entry and garage," he replied, closing and locking the front door, and turning on a hidden light switch. "The rest of the house is over here." He padded across the tree, and opened another hidden door. It was completely dark inside, until he turned on another light switch.

There, Mary saw that the tree now gave way to a cave that wasn't visible from the outside. This reminded her of Buster's and Babs' burrows, even though those rabbits never bothered to invite her, or any of the "bit players", to their homes.

As they all walked/padded/flew into the cave, Lightning asked, "How do joo get joor mail here?"

"I don't. I have a P.O. Box downtown. I check every day just before school."

Mary looked around. The second door led to a spacious area surrounded by stone, not dirt. There was a small blue sofa, and behind it was a large round table with several white chairs around it. A few shelves on the stone wall were filled with books in English and Spanish, and some pictures hung on the wall too, featuring more jaguars and other Latin American animal species, obviously The J.A.M.'s family and friends from Mexico. Beyond the living room and dining room there were two open doorways, the left one led to a dark hallway, and the right one to the kitchen. This she verified by looking inside and seeing a small refrigerator, a small electric stove, some cupboards on the wall, and a microwave oven on top of the counter opposite of the sink. The hallway, she guessed, must lead to the bathroom and bedroom. Looking down, she could tell that the stone floor was freshly mopped, apparently done hastily to make the home more presentable to Mary and the "bit players". Also, she couldn't help but notice a prominent smell all over the cave. It wasn't offensive, like Fifi's, but it reminded her of tree sap, dust, and Furrball—

She guessed that it was The J.A.M.'s own personal scent, now made more obvious to her less sensitive olfactory bulb because this was an enclosed space—

"Hungry?"

Suddenly whirling around, she saw the jaguar poke his head into the kitchen, where she suddenly saw herself in. "Help yourself. I just restocked," he added, going back to the living room.

Recovering from her momentary fright, she opened the refrigerator, and found lots of fresh meat, yoghurt, and an assortment of fruits. Apparently, either he had a taste for simple things, or this was just how jaguars ate. Opening a cupboard, she saw cereal boxes and plenty of bags of assorted M&M's. "Looks like he's very fond of this," she said to herself.

She returned to the living room to hear Sweetie ask, "J.A.M., don't you have a TV or STEREO?"

"Yes, but they're in the bedroom. I don't want to make too much noise with those things out here, otherwise someone might hear them outside."

"And how did you get your utilities here?" asked Mary. "I didn't see any poles outside."

"Ah, that is the wonder of technology now," he replied, sitting down at the table. "All my utilities were installed underground. It's amazing what rabbits and moles can do these days. I don't have cable yet; that's a bit difficult to get in this area, so right now the TV and radio antenna is hidden in the tree. I get good reception, though. Maybe I should get a satellite dish…" He trailed off as he stood up again and padded to the kitchen. "Anyone for frozen yoghurt and M&M's?" he asked before going in.

"Yeah!" replied the mice and canarymaid, while Mary and the rest just nodded.

Later, the toons were seated around the table, with a huge bowl of assorted M&M's in the middle, currently being assaulted by the mice, canarymaid, roadrunner, and jaguar, and bowls of frozen yoghurt in each place. Books were once again spread all around.

"You seem to have all the basics down," said the jaguar to the humanmaid. "All you need is practice time."

"But that brings us back to square one: with who? Right now the only work of mine anyone has seen is the written assignments we get."

"Written? Then you should be good at word play and such," he commented.

"Yeah, right," she scoffed. "I got a 'D' in word play! That's why I need help in writing wacky newscasts! I just can't do it myself!"

"But have you seen other wacky newscasts, huh-huh?" asked Sneezer.

"Yes, but what does that have to do with this? Sure they're hilarious, but I just can't seem to assimilate that material!"

"Have you tried seeing classic comedy?" signed Calamity. "You know, Charles Chaplin, Buster Keaton, the early days of Laurel and Hardy?"

"Classic comedy is something more fit for you, Cal," she replied. "It's very physical, and I wouldn't be able to use my voice at all!"

An eyebrow was raised above an orange eye. Voice? "Miss Melody, you like using your voice?"

"Well, of course! It's part of who we are as toons, except for Calamity and Beeper here."

The jaguar tapped his extended claw on the table for a moment, and asked, "Miss Melody, perhaps this is a long shot, but do you like to sing?"

The humanmaid blinked at this question, and stuttered, "Um—well—uh—yeah—kinda—"

"You should hear her in the SHOWER," quipped Sweetie, with an evil grin and her trademark giggle.

"HEY!"

Lightning snickered, "Ha ha! Joo mean leesten while I shower or leesten while SHE showers?" All the males, laughed, except for one:

"Well, thanks for the mental image, menzo!" growled the jaguar, lowering his ears and slapping Lightning's cap off his head.

Mary deduced that the last word was a Spanish insult, apparently a mild one since her friend didn't censor himself. "Thanks, J.A.M., though I don't know if I should feel happy or insulted by what you just did."

Her friend looked at her for a moment. Even with his feline vision, it was difficult to tell if she was blushing or not, but it was obvious that he was. "Oh, you should most definitely feel happy about that, yes, oh please, happy, please—!"

"AHEM," she said, frowning slightly, but still smiling. Her friend's ears returned to their normal position. "As Sweetie so crudely put it, yes, I like to sing, but you can't be funny by just singing, you know."

"Oh?" asked Sneezer. "What about that bit that Wakko asked you to—"

"SHHHHH!" she hissed at the mouse.

This wasn't something the jaguar was going to pass by, of course. "What 'bit'?" he asked.

Certain that her friends were going to spill her secret, Mary just covered her face with her hands and slumped her head on the table.

Beeper signed, "Wakko asked Mary if she could sing a parody of the 'Circle of Life', from 'The Lion King', in their show, 'Animaniacs'. I'm sure you've heard of it?"

The panther replied, "I think I've seen it, yes."

"Well, I guess that just before that, Sweetie heard Mary singing and recorded her somehow, and sent the tape to Wakko, since she knew he and his brothers were looking for a new voice for their parody. Wakko asked Mary to sing it, and she did. 'The Surprises In Life' was the theme song for 'The Tiger Prince'."

Slowly, the jaguar turned to the embarrassed humanmaid. "That was you?" Mary raised her head a trifle and looked at him with one eye. Slowly, she nodded. "Miss Melody, that was a hilarious song!"

"Yeah, RIGHT!" she suddenly shot back, sitting up. "How many actually paid attention to the song the first time?" She looked at the sign that Beeper had shown The J.A.M., and explained, "Beeper, I'd hardly call that a 'theme song'. It was more like a 'score'. And you all know that a score is really just to provide the background!"

"Now, Miss Melody, we may be on to something here," pondered The J.A.M. "Did you enjoy singing it?"

"Well, yes."

"Did you think it was funny?"

"Um, yes."

"Well, there you have it then! There are tons of music with hilarious lyrics in Mexico, so I don't see why that can't happen here as well!"

"Bott J.A.M., joo know mosst of de fonny music ees folklórica! Eet woodn't make sense een Eengleesh!"

He turned to the Latin mouse, "You have a point there, Mister Rodriguez. Folklore is almost impossible to translate, but it's not impossible to put to music. The Animaniacs do that all the time, so I don't see why you can't do that for Tiny Toons, Miss Melody."

"And you will admit, Mary," added Sweetie, "they didn't choose Babs, Shirley, Fifi, Elmyra, or me, for that matter. You BEAT US ALL THERE!"

The humanmaid raised her hands in order to stop this nonsense flattery, "Well, sure, but we're still brought back to square one! I didn't write that song! And I can't write funny lyrics like that, much less wacky newscasts! I don't know what I would have done if Wakko had asked me to write the parody song!"

The J.A.M. sat up at this. "Miss Melody?"

"Yes?"

"What would you have done?"

"Huh?"

"Yeah. What would you have done if Wakko had come up to you and said, 'Miss Melody, we've seen your written work. You've heard the 'Circle of Life', so could you please do a parody for us?' What would you have done then?"

Mary looked into his orange eyes, lost for an answer. "J-J.A.M., that didn't happen. Neither Wakko nor Yakko nor Dot would have ever come up to me to ask me that. The only ones who've seen my written work are the teachers!"

"You don't know that," signed the coyote.

She was losing this battle. All her arguments were being destroyed, leaving her no place to stand on. "M-maybe. But still, I would have told him that—that—I—er—couldn't—"

"Why?" asked the panther. "Didn't you say that your biggest dream was to be funny? Why would you have told Wakko that, even if he had served you your greatest opportunity on a silver platter?"

Mary was getting confused as her excuses ran out. "I—I guess it's because—because I simply wouldn't know where to begin! I have never done anything like that! I—I—just couldn't!"

"You wouldn't have tried?" asked The J.A.M.

"I—I—wouldn't—have been—able—"

"Miss Melody, would you have tried?" All the "bit players" looked at her, but no one said anything. Finally, the jaguar continued, "Miss Melody, you've complained of how no one ever gave you a chance to do anything funny. Here would have been a great opportunity to try, and now you say that you wouldn't have tried. How do you really know you can't if you haven't tried it?"

She countered, "But that's just it, J.A.M., I haven't tried because no one has asked me to! Sure, I can sing, but I can't play any musical instrument! The 'stars' can, so maybe that's why they get more air time!"

"Not quite," said Sweetie. "I play the flute, and Furrball plays the violin. You know that. And they still don't want us to hang AROUND THEM."

The jaguar stood up at this. "So, if the 'stars' won't give any of us the time of day, that means that we have plenty of time to work on our own material." He padded to a shelf, and pulled out two very thick books.

"What's that, huh-huh?" asked the American mouse.

"These—" (KATHUMP!) "—are to help us in word play and other comedy styles."

Mary looked at the dictionary and thesaurus that were dumped on the table while Calamity signed, "There is also a web site and a CD that can help with rhymes. There really isn't any reason why you can't write your own material, Mary. All you have to do is try."

"And it doesn't even have to deal with music," added the jaguar. "Miss Melody, what is the basic definition of 'comedy'?"

Mary sat up again and replied mechanically, "Comedy is the art of bringing out humour, laughter, and absurdity. J.A.M., that's the first thing we learned when we got to the Looniversity."

"Okay, then, you have a topic: everyday news. Can you find absurdity in today's broadcast?"

Mary looked down at the books for a moment, and replied, "I—I don't know. I've never tried it."

"Well, you can try NOW!" replied Sweetie.

"But—but—I don't know where to begin! I appreciate what all you guys are trying to do to help me, but right now I have this HUGE block! I really can't think of anything right now!"

"Is it because you're still angry?" asked the panther.

Mary looked up at him again, and slowly turned to look at the others. She leaned back on her chair and whispered, "Yes. I can't even deal with anger like you guys do. But I just can't help feel mad at Fifi and Shirley for what they did! Not to mention————" she looked down and whispered even more quietly, "—————myself."

"Yourself?" signed Beeper.

"You heard me in the Film Vault. As a human, I don't have any natural abilities like you guys do, and I'm not as strong or agile as you are. If I hadn't come along today, you would have got here much earlier! I wish I could be a furry toon, like you guys!"

"But you're a human, for a reason," countered The J.A.M. "You don't have to worry about shedding, drying your fur, or predator-prey instincts."

"Not to mention fighting the urge to go to the bathroom every time you walk beside a tree or fire hydrant," signed Calamity, making everyone laugh again.

The jaguar added, "There are also spiritual issues that pertain exclusively to humans, you know. And we may be stronger, but you know that humans are more energy efficient than furries. Humans don't get tired as easily as furries do. Most of us can beat you at the hundred meter dash, but you'd probably beat us all paws down in a triathlon."

She raised her hands again, trying to regain control, "Okay, you have a point. But how do we deal with Shirley and Fifi? How can I stop being angry at them?"

He thought for a moment, and replied, "Well, she knows she can't read my mind anymore, so I'll just do as she asks and stay out of her way—"

"NO!" yelled the humanmaid, making the mammals lower their ears, and the avians lower their necks. "She doesn't have the right to push anyone back like that!"

"But Miss Melody, you already told her off! She'll probably just as well stay away from me!"

"But don't you get it? She's one of the 'stars', and from the way she treated you she'll probably start placing everyone against you!"

"She cood do that, J.A.M.," added Lightning. "Plocky and Sheerley don't like joo now, so dey cood work toogedder to do dat."

"Or, by doing that, everyone could turn against THEM," countered Sweetie. "If no one likes Plucky, and everyone knows that Shirley tried to FORCE herself into someone's mind, they could be branded as VILLAINS NOW."

The jaguar summarised, "None of us can stop Miss Loon from starting a 'campaign' against me, Miss Melody. What matters now is that I've never done anything wrong against her, and she knows that, as well as the rest of the school. What you said today on the air is likely to make everyone see the truth. Miss Melody, what she does is her choice, and if she doesn't like me or even if she hates me for no reason, there's nothing I can do to retaliate." He then looked aside and reflected, "I guess it's just part of the package."

"Package?" asked Sneezer. "What package?"

The panther suddenly hushed and lowered his ears again, almost as if he had just revealed a very deep secret. Since he had already spilled the beans, he had no choice but to continue. "Well, you asked earlier how I was able to stop her from reading my mind?"

"Yes," replied Mary.

"Well, I don't actually do it. Someone very close to me does it." He straightened his ears again, stood, padded to the shelf, and brought another Book to the table. "This is the package I'm talking about," he said, showing them the title. The toons recognised it and wondered what that Book had to do with mind shielding. The panther sat down, opened the Book to a particular page, and read from a particular segment:

"Because I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not comparable with the glory that will be revealed in us humans. For the earnest expectation of creation waits for the manifestation of the sons of God. Because creation was made subject to vanity, not willingly. But because of Him who has subjected creation in the hope that creation itself will also be delivered from the slavery of corruption into the glorious liberty of the sons of God, we thus know that all of creation weeps and is in birth pains together until now."

He put the Book down and explained to the confused toons, "Me and my family are Waiting Ones. Since we're not humans, we won't get all the glory that humans will, but we do expect a glorious liberty."

Sweetie flew up to him and said, "That would explain THESE," as she held his gold Cross and Star of David.

"Yes," he replied. "We basically follow all the Creator's guidelines, even though we won't get all the promises. We have some measure of physical protection, but not as much as humans do against deliberate attacks, and even then, humans are not 100 exempt from them, at least not until the Manifestation. But apparently, one of the promises of protection includes shielding from spiritual and mental probing like mind reading, provided that we don't dabble in metaphysics, mysticism, and new age, and that we only seek the Creator for spiritual guidance and information. That's why I doubt Miss Loon and I will ever be more than acquaintances. Also, I doubt that she could read my mind even if I let her, much less see my future."

"That explains a lot," sighed Mary. "We never knew Shirley could get so defensive when it came to her abilities."

"And now that she's met someone she couldn't walk all over, she freaked out," signed Calamity. "It was scary, but it was time someone finally fought back against them walking over us!"

"Well, Mister Coyote," replied the panther, "I wouldn't call that 'fighting back', since I didn't actually do anything. She merely activated the defence system which was promised to us."

"But you will admit that you fought back against Fifi, didn't you, Chilango?" asked Beeper.

"Only in self-defence. I'm not the vengeful type, you know. She attacked first. That, and she triggered a rather sensitive reflex I have." The J.A.M. turned to Mary again and said, "Speaking of whom, Miss Melody, you yourself told her that she has a problem, so you already dealt with her and what she did. Why are you still angry at her?"

The humanmaid looked into his eyes and replied, "Well, I guess I'm still angry because she didn't accept what I told her."

"Like Shirley?" asked Lightning.

"Uh, sure, something like that. And now that I really think about it, we did kinda argue with her with just our opinions. J.A.M., I think it is time someone shows her what she's doing."

"And it's time someone shows Shirley as well!" added Sneezer. "Maybe that way the 'stars' will finally stop walking over us, yup yup!"

"But even if we do, what good will it do to us if we're still not as funny as they are?" asked Beeper. Everyone silenced at that question, and the mammals lowered their ears again, except for Mary, who simply lowered her head, as Sweetie did. Not even the jaguar had an answer to that.

Five minutes later, it seemed as if a light shot through the humanmaid, clearing her mind and soul from all confusion, as she suddenly realised what was happening. Mary suddenly stood, "We don't know that. We don't know because we haven't tried! And our excuse for not trying has been because no one has asked us to! Well, that excuse ends right here, right now! The J.A.M. showed me that we've been saying that we 'can't' without even trying! Well, I'm not going to do that anymore! I may not know where to begin, but there are seven of us here, and I'm sure that at least one of us knows where to start! Heck, we probably have more talent here than the 'stars' do! We really should dig deeper and see just what we can do! We all know that comedy comes from within, so it's time we dig and drill to get it! It won't come to us otherwise. Sure Furrball failed, but that doesn't mean we will too!" Everyone looked at her with shock and surprise. Perhaps, finally, the vicious cycle had been broken, and Mary Melody was the one to finally break it. "We'll also deal with Shirley and Fifi so we don't have any more blocks."

"Wait," said Sweetie. "We're going to study our brains out AND deal with THOSE TWO?"

Mary looked down at the canarymaid, and replied, "I can't guarantee we will, but I can't guarantee we won't, either. We can try, Sweetie. There are seven of us, and we have all weekend. The 'stars' and faculty may not give us the time of day, but who says we need them to give it to us? We have watches and clocks of our own! And if we don't have practice space at the Looniversity, we can find it elsewhere! We've been sitting on our butts for too long! And you saw what happened when we made an effort to get the booth at Weenie Burgers because we all worked TOGETHER! Maybe THAT'S why Furrball failed! He tried to do it by himself, and he failed. But if we stick together…" Here, she just smiled, and said no more. All the "bit players" looked at each other, then they looked back at Mary, and suddenly all flipped open their books, notebooks, dictionaries, thesauruses, laptops, rhyme lists, and finally got to work.


Spanish - English

Menzo - Dummy, jerk, dweeb