Some of the kids were outside on the school grounds with the day's failing sunlight as they did the work around the outdoor booths. Ian was stacking up empty cans for the bean bag throw, while Helga was on the other side of the schoolyard, ignoring him as she had been all week. She'd managed to act herself again, but avoided prolonged contact with Ian and Arnold.
After a while, when most of the kids had been herded outside, Rhonda took her place atop a picnic bench and announced her commanding presence. Everyone's attention was directed to the pamphlets she was waving in the air. Consequently, they weren't advertisements to hand out for the fair. They were for her party that would take place afterwards. She quickly made her way around the crowd, tossing a copy to every fourth grader. She batted her eyes at Ian as she passed him a copy.
"I certainly hope you'll be able to attend," she cooed, and hurried on to everyone else. Ian was smiling at her when she said that, and when she left he let out a laugh. She was weird.
Ian noticed Sheena and Nadine approach him, so he turned to see what they wanted. Apparently, each girl hadn't planned on the other's identically hasty arrival, so Ian was a bit unsure of their edgy mood. After harshly whispered bickering back and forth, they asked Ian to the party. He didn't have to answer, because the two began to argue over who he wanted to go with. He slipped away in the midst of their uncommon squabble; he had other plans. Ian went to look for Helga.
Phoebe spotted Ian wandering within the crowd and shouted out. He stopped and looked at her; she was outside of the crowded schoolyard and stood by the fence outside of the lit school. Her heart raced as his face lit up. Ian changed direction and headed over to her. She could feel her face redden and thanked the darkness.
"Hey Phoebe, how's it goin?" he grinned. Phoebe stared at him. What a grin. Suddenly she felt like an idiot, and occupied herself by absently fidgeting her fingers in the chain link fence resting behind her. Now or never, she figured.
Helga pulled the last of the flowers from the store-bought bundle and neatly placed it in the arrangement where it was assigned. She fiddled with crumpled petals for the finishing touches and crumbled up the bag.
"Ouch!" she exclaimed in surprise as a stray thorn in the bag stuck into her finger. She stared at it for a moment and plucked it out of her finger. A small trail of blood began to trickle onto her skin, so she stuck her fingertip into her mouth.
Arnold approached her and looked over the stand she'd set up.
"That looks really good, Helga. I didn't know you did flower arranging." Helga removed the finger from her mouth to snap back at him.
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, Flower Boy--buzz off." Arnold scratched his arm thoughtfully, wondering if he should be grateful or not that she was back to normal.
"You goin' to the party?"
Helga stared at her injured finger. "No." She didn't see Arnold's disappointed expression.
"Well, I hope you'll change your mind. It'll be fun!" He inched a little closer and nudged her playfully. Helga turned her head and shot him an annoyed look. He smiled back and left her alone with the flowers. Helga's pouted expression softened as she felt a little sad that she wasn't going. But she really didn't want to, and had already decided it best to avoid the hustle and bustle.
Suddenly Phoebe came over and greeted her with a smile in hopes of cheering up her friend.
"Hello, Helga," she said. Helga returned the greeting half-heartedly and waited for the question.
"No, I'm not going to the party," she replied.
"Oh, come on, Helga. Just for an hour." Helga looked over at her. "One hour. That's it. Then you can be done."
"Whatever," Helga mumbled indifferently. Phoebe's smile grew in hope that she had just won.
"Really? Well, alright, then. We can get ready together if you want. And we-" she stopped when Helga pushed herself past her and left the school. Helga just needed to be alone. She didn't want to go to a stupid party.
The walk in the darkness felt good, and Helga knew when she reached the spot. She stopped and dug her hands in the front pockets of the sweater she wore over her dress as she looked up at the dark silhouette of the tree house. The silence felt good, too. But in that silence she heard a voice behind her. She turned and vaguely saw a dark figure approach.
"I followed you, this time," Ian admitted playfully. Their voices were crisp in the night air as they talked for the first time all day. "Are you going to Rhonda's party?" Helga instantly felt her frustration reach its boiling point.
"Sheesh, why is everyone asking me that!? Who gives if I'm going or not, anyway? No, ok?! No, I'm not going. Parties are for social weenies with nothing to do but gather in herds to mindlessly sip their way drunk while gossiping about whatever nonexistent excitement is occurring in their otherwise dull and meaningless lives!"
Ian was quiet as Helga got herself back together from the outburst.
"They're serving alcohol?"
Helga exhaled obnoxiously to show her apparent annoyance. "You never get it, do you Ian?!" she shot back. Ian chuckled.
"No, no, I'm just kidding. I was just wondering, that's all. Well, I guess I'll see ya tomorrow at school then, Helga." He waved despite the slight darkness and left. After he was gone, Helga turned and looked back up at the tree house. Then she climbed it as she had yesterday, knowing she would be alone this time. Helga slowly made her way up and into it as she carefully felt for each step in the darkness. She walked over to the side where the moon was shining into the small room and gazed toward the cloudy, starless sky. The same sky that she and Arnold happily gazed at before.
Why did they leave the clubhouse? She couldn't remember. All she could remember was sitting quietly, alone with Arnold in the miniature house, her thoughts wandering to the question of if that was what it was like to sit home as a married couple; not saying anything, but just enjoying each other's company. Kind of like a silent conversation. And she'd decided, in her temporary childish state of mind, that her and Arnold were married. Sitting in their own little house, not arguing like her parents did, and not busy with work until late at night. Arnold would not get a job as time-consuming as Bob's because he would want to spend time with his wife. He would want to spend time with Helga.
Helga, knowing she was alone, laughed as she recalled her previous drunken thoughts. Man, she really was out of it yesterday! But for some strange reason, she didn't mind the feeling. The feeling of not having to snap some sarcastic comment back at anything he said, the feeling of peacefully sitting next to Arnold and not saying anything as he sung to himself (well, she had decided he was singing to her), the feeling of his arms wrapped around her, him bravely carrying her down the--Helga's thoughts were immediately intercepted by a new wave of memories. She saw Ian's worried face hovering over hers, the feel of his hands against her cheeks, the warmth of his body and the firmness of his grip as he lowered her down the ladder, and the soft smile as he propped up her weak body when they reached the ground.
"Oh no..." Helga groaned sickeningly, lowering herself to her knees. She felt as weak as she had been earlier, except instead of being overcome with nausea, her remorse and distress weakened her. It was the same awful feeling she'd had lying in bed that night. Desperate for comfort from the confusion overwhelming her, Helga dug into her sewn pocket. She frantically rummaged through every one of her pockets, feeling only emptiness between her fingers. Her locket! Where was her locket? Helga paused and remembered something else. The locket had slipped from her fingers, and now it was lying somewhere on her floor. She had forgotten all about it. Helga felt her eyes sting at the awful weakness she felt now, and her vulnerability was at a new high as a wave of sorrowful emotions rolled into Helga's confused heart. She felt like everything was changing. She hated change. Helga liked the familiarity of a normal, day-to-day life. When things changed, Helga lost control. She could not handle not having control of her life.
She leaned forward while still on her knees and rested against the windowsill. There was nothing to hear Helga's first tears but the darkness and the lonely moon in the sky.
The school grounds were bustling with lively giggles and chatter of the school children being let out into the waiting fair. The smaller children were especially anxious; they had watched the gradual construction of the event all week, and waited impatiently for the day they would be set free into the wonderful looking festival.
The fourth graders were not as antsy, having been able to work on it all week, but they were certainly proud of how good everything looked. Mr. Simmons, especially, was beaming like sunshine at the work they had put together. The day went fast, and the sun seemed to move quickly across the sky. The soothing glow of the coming evening was what summoned the rest of the town out to enjoy the fair. Parents and city workers all came to have a good time and support PS118.
There were many stands set up for display, the loudest being the water dunk in which Curly sat upon the chair above the tank, laughing like a madman and taunting the thrower. His insane behavior of dancing on the seat accompanied by random noises certainly attracted more customers than any other booth. Rhonda had set up a fashion consultation booth with a row of third graders lined up to hear advice on becoming as cool as the older fourth graders. Phoebe and Helga had a Japanese calligraphy booth, while Gerald and Arnold had a stand for trading baseball cards. Their booths were only up for a short time because they were anxious to experience the rest of the festival.
Arnold and Gerald were the first to close, and Gerald eagerly directed Arnold to the calligraphy stand. When they got there, Phoebe was the only one attending, and she was in the middle painting a child's name on rice paper. Her face was scrunched in concentration as her fingers skillfully trailed the painted black brush along in wispy writing. Gerald leaned over and an impressed expression grew on his face.
"Hey, that's pretty good," Arnold said, peering over Gerald's shoulder. Phoebe finished and looked at them with a smile.
"Thanks." She handed it to the happy child who scampered off with his prize.
"Where's Helga? Shouldn't she be helping you?" Gerald asked.
"Well, she said she had some previous engagements to attend to." Gerald looked disappointed.
"Guess you can't come with us to the rest of the fair, then," he said. Phoebe put her brush back and folded up the paper.
"Actually, I'm just about done, myself," she said. But then she interrupted Gerald's brightened expression as she added, "But..." and paused.
Phoebe didn't need to explain, because Ian's arrival explained. Arnold looked at each person, not understanding. He would have thought that Ian would be off finding wherever Helga was, like he had been doing recently.
"C'mon Phoebe, there's a portable laser tag building on the other side of the school." They left and Gerald stared. He looked a little mad at the spoiling of his plan but pushed it aside and walked in the other direction after kicking at the ground. Arnold saw his friend leave, but hurried next to him.
"Um, Gerald, I'll catch you later, okay?" Arnold asked, unsure whether or not it was safe to leave his friend's side. "I've gotta go find some... thing."
"Yeah, sure. Okay." Gerald said, ignoring what Arnold just said.
Arnold ran off and left the bright lights of the school grounds. He walked along the dark sidewalks and eventually reached the right house. He knocked on the door and felt relieved when Big Bob didn't answer the door. Instead, it was just who he wanted to see. The girl looked at him dully. Arnold didn't greet her at first, but instead pointed to the bag in her hands.
"Aren't those gross?" he asked, pointing to the dried pork loins. Her face remained stone-like. "Aren't you coming to the fair?"
"...No," she said, adding sarcastic emphasis to her voice for good measure.
"Can I come in?" Arnold said, waiting for her to shove him down the steps. She didn't. Instead, she went back inside and left the door open. A gracious invitation coming from her. Arnold followed and they went upstairs. Big Bob was snoring on the recliner, and Miriam was asleep on the kitchen table with a neat little puddle of drool beneath her mouth.
They sat at the top of the stairs; she would never let him in her room, anyway.
"How 'bout you get ready and we can head back to the fair?" He tried again.
"Listen Arnold, I don't want to go. I just want to stay home and-"
"Wallow in your own self pity," Arnold finished.
"No!"
"C'mon, you'll have fun." he got up and took a hold of her wrist. Helga distastefully shook him off.
"I said I don't want to go! Excuse me, Mr. Do-Right, but I prefer you stop coming to me every time I feel like being anti-social to persuade me to come and do whatever stupid stuff everyone else is doing!"
Now, Arnold knew she was a sour and stubborn person, but she was acting a bit out of character. Of course, he knew she had pulled through every time, and that she really was a nice person underneath that shell of hers. He was determined to get past that wall of hers sometime. Well, she had gone to the baseball game, hadn't she? He took her wrist again.
"C'mon, you can't sit at home. Everyone's there." Helga pulled back again, but got up next to him and stomped down the stairs. This is ridiculous, she thought. Arnold followed with a smirk on his face. Good old Helga.
They walked down the street in the darkness toward the faint lights brightening behind the apartment buildings in front of them.
"Where is everyone?" Helga asked aloud, noting the absence of the other students.
"I don't know. Around, I guess. We could go by the rides and check them out." They headed to the other side of the fair and Helga didn't notice how her face lit up at the sight of the spinning, racing machines awaiting her. Arnold did.
"Come on, let's go on the Tilt-A-Whirl first!" he shouted, catching her off guard as he ran ahead. Helga happily followed.
They screamed and clutched the safety bar, sometimes daring each other to let go and raise their arms in the air, feeling as if they would fly right out of their seat. The ride was exhilarating, and wasn't near enough to quench their thirst for excitement. They went on every ride, and spun and twisted their way around each nauseating mechanism. Both were not wavered by the jolts of the ride, and Arnold was silently thankful for Helga's strong stomach. Lila on the other hand was not as worthy of his gratitude.
Finally they decided to go on the calmer Ferris wheel. Arnold bought two tickets and they climbed into a booth. He couldn't help but be a little excited about having alone time with Helga; it was always relieving to see her other side, the side he had always wondered about. But it was quickly cut short, because the ride ended before it began.
"Phoebe!" Helga said when she spotted her friend. She quickly climbed out, and caught Arnold off guard so he couldn't stop her.
"Wait!" he called after her. He quickly got out and followed, hurrying past the confused attendant.
"Oh, Helga!" Phoebe said, surprised but glad of her friend's arrival. "You came!"
"Yeah, well, not much else to do around here, ya know?" she replied, feigning indifference. It didn't take more than a moment for Helga to notice Ian's accompanying presence, and it was then Arnold caught up to them. He didn't say anything. The girls decided to ignore the presence of the boys beside them.
"So, are you going to the party, too?" Phoebe asked. Helga shrugged.
"I dunno. It's not like I have anything to wear."
"Oh, we'll find something." The two girls chattered, looking forward to the night's coming occurrences with a newfound enthusiasm.
Arnold, meanwhile, was a little taken aback by Phoebe being with Ian like that. The thought left when he spotted Gerald. He ran over to him
"Gerald, where have you been?" Gerald managed to regain his normal, somewhat optimistic mood.
"Nowhere in particular." They walked back to the others, but only met Phoebe.
"Where'd Helga and Ian go?" Arnold asked.
"Ian had to talk to her about something," Phoebe responded. She really did like Ian, but managed to put together just now that something strange was going on between Helga and Ian. She couldn't explain it, nor could anyone, but nonetheless it was something and Phoebe felt she was treading in delicate waters. She covered her thoughts and diverted Arnold's and Gerald's attention from their absence by inviting them to join her for the rest of the fair.
It was dark without the lights of the fair to light up the rest of the distanced streets, but it mattered to neither Helga nor Ian. They sat on the curb of the empty street corner.
"So did you and Arnold have fun?" Ian asked, without any jealousy to sour his tone. Helga nodded, but realized it was useless in the dark. Either way, Ian felt the response in her quietness and understood.
"I didn't know you liked Phoebe. You know, like-like." Helga felt ridiculous using Lila's stupid phrase but knew no other way to put it.
"I don't. I like you." The blatant response cued a pause void of any remote element of surprise.
"So why'd you take her?"
"She asked."
That did surprise Helga a little. But just a little.
"Will you go to the party with me?" Ian asked, completely changing the subject, as usual.
"Why do you think I'd say yes?"
"Because you're jealous that I took Phoebe to the fair."
"What!?" Helga shot back defensively. "I am not!"
Ian had no reply. Helga couldn't wait in his silence and added as she stood to her feet to look down at him, "Why do you think I'd be jealous? That's insane! I'd never be jealous in a million years, Cat Boy! You're letting your idiotic wishful thinking get ahead of you!" She stammered a little and continued to herself, "I can't believe you-" but realized she was rambling and quickly shut up, hoping to God she wasn't jealous because honestly, she didn't know. Helga finally sat back down without another word. She contemplated in the pause of their conversation whether it was really worth it to go. Helga decided she didn't want to answer.
"When does it start?" Ian looked at his watch and turned on the glow. The faint green light illuminated his face from the rest of the darkness.
"Hour and a half."
Helga hated making decisions. It was such a pain.
"Let's just go back to the fair," Ian finally said at length. He got up and waited for Helga to join him. She didn't.
Except, she asked in a small voice, "Ian?"
He sat back down. "Yeah?"
Helga paused. "Is that why you took me out here? To ask me that?"
"No."
She paused again, thoughts in mind.
"Then why?"
Ian didn't answer at first as he sat in contemplation, knowing but unmoving.
"Helga..." he started to question, but stopped. She waited for him to continue. "Helga, why do you love Arnold?"
The question caught her off guard. "Why?" she repeated from his inquiry. She sighed; she didn't even know for sure, herself. She had never been asked, of course. Plus she had forgotten that Ian even knew about it since he had never mentioned to anyone, even her, about what happened at her locker that day. But she remembered now. Helga decided there was nothing to do but drop her veil a little, knowing that Ian really did want to know her. Besides, the veil she put up all the time was starting to choke her a bit, even if she didn't notice.
It seemed a little easier to answer in the darkness, for some reason. "He gave me his umbrella."
Ian waited for a moment, going over the unexpected answer in his mind.
"...That's it?"
Helga could read his confusion and uncertainty, expecting it.
"I don't understand."
"I know you don't. But there's some things not worth understanding." The answer didn't satisfy Ian.
"How can you possibly love someone just because they gave you an umbrella?"
Helga knew she couldn't explain it to him. She couldn't explain it to anyone, let alone herself. But she tried.
"Ian, have you ever been alone? Truly alone?" Ian knew such an idea to be an understatement for him. But this he understood.
"Yes."
"Well, when Arnold gave me his umbrella that rainy morning of my first day at kindergarten, it was the first time I... well... it was the first time that awful feeling left me. I didn't feel alone anymore."
Ian understood a little more of what she meant, but still couldn't completely grasp the concept. He simply sat in his thoughts, cursing the fact that he was too late. Ian knew he would give anything to be in that position; to be the one that made her feel loved in kindergarten. He wouldn't have hesitated to be there for her all those years. But he knew that he could wish as hard as he could and nothing would change the past. All there was left was the present.
He questioned her some more about it, but Helga failed to come up with the right words. Ian had brought up the subject of noticing how upset her feelings toward Arnold seemed to make her.
"No, it's not like that," Helga replied calmly. "It's hard to explain." She shifted herself and continued. "I don't love Arnold for the sole purpose of him loving me back. I just... kinda watch over him, you know? Love him from a distance. I don't expect anything from it." She paused to think. "It would be nice, though... if..."
"If he loved you back."
Helga didn't answer. But she knew he was right. Oh, was he right.
In the darkness she could only feel Ian lean over and instinctively wrap his arms around her. Helga submitted to his touch and turned to bury herself into him. Ian's arms fit perfectly around her, almost as if it were what they were made for. Helga moved her head against his shirt, snuggling into his scent. He smelled good, but the scent was still unfamiliar. It wasn't Arnold's wonderful, musty scent of baseball, boyhood, and rainfall shampoo.
Ian placed his head onto hers, causing Helga's previous thoughts of Arnold to unconsciously drift away.
