Chapter Nine

It was exactly when the moon reached it's zenith that the village awoke. It wasn't voluntary by any means. Rather, their wake up call came in the sound of horns, whistles and screams as the house of Council Elder Eigo's home erupted into light, music and chaos. Pipes burst, paint balloons were released and the dear home owners were forced to notice the conspicuous absence of any and all clothing. Their walls were defaced with propaganda for rival gambling house owners and political enemies. Their lights erupted into miniature suns, having been mysteriously replaced with high wattage street lights sometime after the household had gone to bed. Loud music burst from several conveniently placed stereos, playing young and upcoming hard rock.

Ice cold water rained down on the occupants. The household rushed around, trying to get out of the nightmare. And so it was that the dignified house of Councilman Samana Eigo stood outside in their pajamas and underclothing. Those who slept in the buff stood shivering, trying to hide their nakedness behind soaked sheets. Shinobi arrived soon after, members of the Council Protection Squadron landing around the family. Two of the ninja began handing out blankets, while another five entered the building to turn off the water and the confounding racket. Villagers gathered around, witnessing the utter humiliation of Samana Eigo as he stood shivering in a sheet. It would be false to say that there was not a grin or wink exchanged by the observers.

In the shadows, two figures exchanged high-fives in celebration of a prank well done. They probably wouldn't even find the Nair in the shampoo until they all took a nice, long shower.

--

Naruto was awoken by the curtain being pulled back from the wagon, shining the bright noon sun onto his face. "Argh!" He yelled, shielding his keen eyes from the sunlight. "Sakura what're you doing?"

"I could be asking you the same thing!" Sakura yelled right back. "What were you thinking, pranking a village elder like that!"

"I was thinking he deserved it!" Naruto shouted angrily, throwing back the covers and leaping to his feet. The teammates stalked towards each other.

Sakura thumped him over the head. "Well guess what, genius? Your revenge might get us kicked out of Konoha! Were you thinking about that?"

"Yeah, well, what was I supposed to do! The guy threw a woman out of her house! Besides," He grinned cockily. "They'll never trace it back to me."

"You can't know that!" Sakura exclaimed, exasperated. "You know what? I've had it up to here with you!" She made a fast slice over her head.



"Well right back at ya!" Naruto growled.

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

And with that they jumped off the wagon, slammed the sides with their fists in unison, and marched off. Kakashi and Sai watched them leave from a distance.

"Well…" Kakashi said blankly from where he had buried his head under his pillow. "That went well."

--

Kushina was woken up by a rather loud pounding on her cheap hotel door. However, unlike her partner in crime she didn't have the luxury of a noontime waking. Instead it was at five in the morning, far too soon after going to bed at one. "Uzumaki Kushina, open this door right now!"

With a groan the red head pulled her head from under the pillow. "mm… Go way Namikaze!"

"No!" His angry voice resounded through the thin door. "Do you want to get yourself in more trouble?"

Kushina opened the door so quickly it banged against the wall loudly. "That's a laugh!" She glared at him. "How did you find me anyway?"

"Now you're the one who's joking!" Minato scoffed. "You think just cause you left your apartment for some reason I wouldn't find you? Ho ho ho! Your regard for me is flattering!"

"Oh aren't you a prime example of a bloated ego! I didn't leave because of you, you stuck up selfish, sorry excuse for a man!" Kushina went to slam the door, only to Minato to catch it mid swing.

"What did you just say to me?" Minato asked, glaring at her.

"You heard me!" She reached over to slam her door, only to be thwarted again.

"Yeah, I heard you." Minato growled, hurt. "And you know what? You are the most –y melodramatic and overblown woman who has ever cursed this village."

Kushina stared at him, hurt, as he turned away and marched down the dirty hall. Her face twisted in anger and in a fit of rage she picked up a shoe and hurled it at him. It hit him strait on the back of his head, and he spun around infuriated. "Oh now you've done it!"

"Yeah, get out of here!" Kushina yelled at him.

Minato marched up, ready to force feed her a piece of his mind, when the land lord stuck his head out of his room. "Shut up! It's five frickin' in the morning! Some people are trying to get some sleep here!"



"Shut up you old --!" The angry couple chorused. The man slammed the door, offended.

Kushina turned back to her angry friend. "Listen Namikaze, kazekami, kamikaze or whatever, I don't need you butting into my business. Okay?"

"Your business?" Minato said, exasperated. "It ceases to be your business when I have his royal high horse Eigo knocking on my door at three this morning telling me that if I don't control, and I quote, "my –" then you will be out with the door slamming on your heels by sundown!"

"He called me a what!" Kushina raged. "That's nice of him, considering that he already kicked me out of my apartme…"

Kushina winced as Minato's face darkened. "Kicked you out of where? Your apartment? Is that it?"

"Look Minato, it's none of your business."

"Oh it is my business." Minato interjected. "Now what's this about him kicking you out?"

And so Kushina resigned herself to a day of keeping a certain blond out of her business.

--

Itachi knelt before the Head of his Clan, his head up in false pride, his gaze fixed on the wall behind his father's head. The Uchiha Symbol stared back at him, it's red and blue sides a blatant reminder of his heritage. His cursed heritage.

"Itachi." His father's deep rumbling voice rolled over him, drawing him back to the man's deep set eyes. If Itachi were capable of judging beauty, he would have said his father was a dignified man. He was powerful, his muscles rippling under the thick robe he wore at home. His eyes, deep and fathomless, flashed under heavy brows. Fugaku's mouth was turned down at the corners after a lifetime of hard decisions. The frown lines in his forehead were already indented permanently, as Itachi well knew. Fugaku had been a handsome man when he was young, but the years had matured his beauty into something more dignified and refined.

As Fukagu frowned at his son, Itachi kept his face carefully blank. "Two of the guards reported you spending time with the Caravan. What were you doing there?"

Itachi didn't hesitate in answering. "I was gathering information."

"I see." Fukagu responded after a moment. He had no reason to doubt his son, as Itachi had been the perfect son and tool for years, never telling any lies except for those the Head had ordered. However, something in the face of his spies had alerted him to an anomaly in Itachi's behavior. When pressed, the chuunin had finally admitted that Itachi had been acting… almost like a normal child. But that was 

preposterous. Itachi was not some village brat who wildly let his emotions drag him wherever they will. He was better than that. "And what did you discover?"

Itachi's face didn't change or flicker, and Fugaku felt himself relax slightly. "The caravan members are friends, most likely working together for years. I suspect several of them have had tussles. There is underlining sadness. However, I deem they aren't a threat, nor will they be a hindrance to any Clan dealings. Their merchandise is good quality, and they expect to begin selling iron and steel tools soon. I would recommend engaging in trade." Itachi fell silent.

"Is that all?" Fukagu asked, except this time his voice was displeased.

"Aa." Itachi answered.

"You mean to tell me that in the six hours you spent with them this was all you discovered?"

Itachi tipped his head to the left slightly in a way not unlike a cat observing its prey, his keen eyes piercing as he stared his father down. Despite the sudden awareness in his eyes, his face remained blank, dull and lifeless. The Uchiha Head felt a shudder run down his back and was suddenly reminded that though Itachi was a weapon, he was also human. And humans were unpredictable. Itachi kept his gaze on Fugaku for what seemed like hours, before tilting his head back into the upright position. "Aa. That is all."

Fugaku felt inexplicable relief when Itachi returned to normal, so after ordering his son to gather all information possible about the outsiders, he nodded to Itachi in dismissal and tried to ignore the feeling that he had just taken a test – and failed.

--

Naruto was sitting on the Third's head, his normal sitting place dislodged by the fact the Yondaime hadn't been selected yet, overlooking the village with a sharp eye. One knee was pulled up to his chest, the other hung over the Third's forehead. His brown arms were wrapped around the drawn up leg. His trench coat, the long black one with the orange flames along the bottom, was draped over his shoulders like a royal cloak. The orange flames were spread out behind him like the train of a king. His eyes were slit more than usual as he watched the bustling village below. Red streaked through the blue iris' like ribbons of crimson. The sun broke through the clouds, lighting his hair into a golden halo. It's warm beams lit up long eyelashes and made the blue of his eyes translucent.

Naruto didn't flinch when the sun landed right on his face. He didn't look away or even blink. Instead he stared directly at the sun, daring it to try and make him blind, all the while knowing it was unfair because there was no way Kyuubi would have a damaged container. When he lowered his gaze back to the village below, he didn't even see spots. The red and green rooftops were so familiar yet so foreign. Eagle eyes, or rather, fox eyes, picked out familiar profiles that were a good ten to twenty years younger than the last time he had seen them, depending on when they had died. He spotted Tsunade once, and 

it nearly made his heart stop. She was walking with a tall man, whose long grey hair made him recognizable despite never having met him in person.

Tsunade's fiancé, Dan. So he was too late to save her brother. That was okay – he didn't even know her brother had died. It made him sad to know that he couldn't spare his ba-baa that pain. Jiraiya was probably peeking into the girl's bath right now. He wondered, if Dan never died, if Jiraiya would ever tell Tsunade how much he loved her. Probably not. Even Jiraiya, dense as he was, had seen how happy Tsunade had been with Dan.

Somehow he had to keep Dan from receiving the First's necklace, however. Once he put that on, there was no saving him.

Naruto sighed and leaned back to rest on his elbows. "Are you just going to stand there all day, Itachi-kun?"

"How did you know I was here?" Itachi asked, curiosity the predominate emotion in his eyes. It warmed Naruto to see it.

"Weeelll… you see I met this old fortune teller and she was like, 'a young robot will find his way to you.' I was, you know, kind of hoped to meet my first tin man, but since this is Konoha I assumed it must be you." His explanation was complete and utter bull, of course, but Itachi didn't need to know that. Of course, judging by the skeptical look Itachi shot him, it was a lost cause. However, no one ever accused Itachi of being dense, and he let it drop.

Naruto patted the ground beside him, inviting the uptight four-year old to sit down. Itachi did so slowly, his eyes lingering on the black trench coat.

"Nice coat." Was all he said. Naruto grinned at him. For that comment alone, Itachi would have won Naruto's eternal friendship. And thus the strangest mentor relationship ever seen in the history of the world was formed.

--

Kushina looked up from her scroll to see Minato staring at her intensely. She sighed and turned back to the paper. "You know, if you keep staring, someone is going to think that you and I are…" She nodded suggestively.

"Are what?" Minato responded.

"You know…" She trailed off. When he continued to look confused she leaned forward. "Together."

Namikaze's face screwed into an imitation of a pug. "We're what!"



Several heads turned throughout the diner and Kushina quickly lowered her head, blushing. "Will you keep it down! I was just saying that if you keep up with the intense staring thing, the rumor mill will have me pregnant by nightfall!"

If either of the jounins had been watching, they would have noticed an abrupt shift of attention to their table. However, since they were so embroiled in their own discussion, they didn't realize the predicament they were putting themselves into with every passing second.

"Listen," Minato whispered harshly, leaning forwards across the table. "All I want to know is why you are suddenly bunking in a hotel room. I would also like to get a formal apology for the destruction of Elder Eigo's home, but that's not as important right now." His glare turned pointed. "An apology for all the names you've called me today wouldn't hurt either."

"Ha!" She hissed back. "Fat chance, you tawny haired little snippit! If you keep this apology thing up, someone will think we're getting married!"

"Why you…" Minato cut himself off when he noticed the beaming waitress who stood next to their table. "Er… hi… We don't need anything right now…"

"Oh I'm so happy for you!" The girl burst out. "Let me be the first to offer my congratulations!"

She hugged Kushina around the neck, kissed Minato on the cheek, and went off squealing towards the kitchen. Kushina and Minato blinked owlishly after her, wondering what the hill-billy she'd been on, and where could they get some. As several other customers got up to wish them congratulations before heading out the door, Kushina and Minato turned to each other in confusion. Little did they know that the news that the Yellow Flash was having a kid and getting married, to none other than his childhood rival, Uzumaki Kushina, was soon to be spread throughout the whole village.

--

It was funny how things came together, Naruto mused as he corrected Itachi's footing so as to give the boy better balance. No sooner had Itachi sat down with him on the Old Man Hokage's brow line than he asked him point blank what ninja village he had been affiliated with, and would he teach him? Naoki had stared at the boy with his jawbone somewhere down by the Third's chin, before stammering out some denials. Itachi had listed to Naruto for exactly five minutes and forty five seconds before calmly shooting his excuses down with some well placed logical investigations.

"First of all," Itachi had said, his voice monotone. "You knew I was here, even though I placed a low level gen-jutsu on myself. I have advanced shinobi training, and I am a child, meaning I am lighter on my feet and can hide myself more easily. Second, you show the signs of a trained shinobi in your walk. You also scan your surroundings the way our veterans do. You show no surprise to the rules of the shinobi life, nor did you launch into speeches of the inhumanity of raising children to kill. You showed no shock towards my family. Not only this, but you and your companions are using code names."



Naruto blinked a few times.

"Well… when you put it that way."

He told Itachi an abbreviated and heavily edited version of their 'tragic tale.' When he was finished, Itachi moved his head to the side and studied Naruto. Naruto didn't look away. Instead, as he saw the calculation and cunning hidden behind the façade of neutrality, he felt excitement. This was a person he could – would – save. Itachi turned his head upright, and smiled for the first time.

And Naruto felt like he had taken a test – and passed.

Itachi followed Naoki around, but it wasn't the hero worship sort of way Naruto was used to. It was more in a learn what you can as fast as possible sort of way. And it wasn't just ninja arts, which Naruto had already promised to teach him about. It was also about human interactions. Itachi watched from a distance when Naruto bought food, or when Naoki flirted with some of the girls at the counters. He listened as Naruto talked with some of the towns people about different things varying from the war to how crops were this year. When Naruto took him to a playground and saw how parents hustled their kids away because, "he's the Uchiha genius," Naoki promptly bought Itachi some new civilian-esque clothes and it wasn't a problem any more.

Now they were in one of the middle training grounds – far enough away to be discreet, close enough so as not to arouse suspicion. Naruto had told Itachi his village had kept good intel about the Hidden Village of Leaf, Rain, Rock, Sand, and Mist, so as not to surprise him with his knowledge.

"I know more about bloodlines than most people." He said whilst leading Itachi to one of the facilities. It's tall, bushy trees were perfect for hiding from unwanted eyes.

The day started with simple sparing – Naoki asked Itachi to show him what he knew. Then Naruto improved on that, using hard earned lessons of the past to see through the young Uchiha's defenses. He tore down the Clan-encouraged habits, lectured on the strengths and weaknesses of other clans and individual shinobi. He scoffed at the ideals of clan pride, saying that the only pride you should have was in what was built through hard work and the respect of your fellow comrades.

"The problem with the Uchiha Clan," Naruto explained, catching Itachi's fist in the palm of his hand. The child's face was red from exertion, sweat pouring down in buckets. Naruto was kneeling before him, sparing from the balls of his knees so as to be at Itachi's height. "…Is that they assume no one can or should be better than them. Now, eight out of ten times, that's true. The trouble comes in the form of those two who won't bow down to Uchiha supremacy." He blocked a side pivot kick with a lazily lifted arm. "Ironically, many times these are the people most easily underestimated. They are the people you and I would look over and dismiss. Dead lasts, lazy sleepyheads, fan girls."

"Fan girls?" Itachi asked, his face confused before throwing another hit and kick.



Naoki froze in mid block before he caught himself. "You'll understand someday." He cleared his throat uncomfortably before continuing. "What's really sad is that the Uchiha Clan has so much potential – and I'm not talking about that cursed Sharingan you guys are so proud of either. I'm talking about the base character of her members. You guys have a long history of genius' especially before you activate your eyes. Afterwards it's just copy copy copy. No originality, no flavor. The Sharingan users get trapped in their own techniques, and eventually, your gift destroys your mind and turns you psychotic."

"Why?" Itachi asked and caught Naruto by surprise, having expected Itachi to protest.

"Er… it's because your mind can't handle remembering so much, especially the carnage and destruction. Every bad memory is recorded, since, unfortunately, you don't use it to remember the good ones. It causes a meltdown which…" Naruto stopped. "You know what? I'll have Haruko explain it later." He muttered under his breath. "Much later."

"Haruko? Why later?" Itachi blinked. "Is she angry at you?"

"Welll… let's just say I couldn't leave a damsel in distress alone and leave it at that."

Itachi blinked twice before deciding he didn't want to know. Naruto stood up. "Well, that's enough of that." He stretched. "How good are you at chakra manipulation?"

"I am advanced for my age." Itachi answered. Naruto snorted.

"Isn't that a load of useless information. Most kids your age don't even know what chakra is, much less rationalize it and harness it. In fact, most kids your age are only learning how to talk!" Naoki ruffled Itachi's hair, his grin increasing when the genius didn't pull away. "I know you're advanced for your age. What I want to find out is if you can think on your feet."

--

Neji and Lee were in a face off. Neither side was ready to admit the other had valid points. Neither side was willing to back down. Neji wasn't prepared to apologize, Lee wasn't ready let him off the hook. Chouji was playing referee. Ino and Sakura got the popcorn. Shikamaru declared them all idiots and left to take a nap, conveniently in the wagon which let the others wander away. Naruto was conspicuously MIA, but they assumed that had something to do with the screaming match with Sakura this morning. Typically, these showdowns would end in a fight.

And what a fight it would be. It would simply be impossible for the boys to resolve their differences without speaking through their fists the way Gai had taught them. Their ways of talking were just so different: Lee was filled with the flowery and dramatic flames of youth, and Neji was an ice cold diplomatic… ice berg. It was fire and ice. Yin and yang. Sunshine and Moonlight. Star Wars and When Harry Met Sally.



It was a great surprise to everyone when they entered the field to see Itachi and Naruto facing off. Itachi was showing the signs of ICD – Initial Chakra Depletion – while Naoki actually had a cut here and there. As they watched, Itachi launched himself off the ground and aimed a top kick at the blond's head. Naruto grabbed Itachi's ankle and snatched him out of mid air. Wrapping both hands firmly around the boy's ankle, he spun in a tight circle. When he was going so fast all that could be seen was a colored blur he released the kid. Itachi sailed through the air again.

Itachi flipped and landed on the branch of a tree, his strength at its limit. Glaring at Naruto from his perch parallel to the ground, he placed a hand on the wood and closed his eyes. The sudden surge of chakra lifted the hair on the watchers' eyes. It sent static down their backs and made them shiver.

The tree shivered. Leaves browned, fluttering to the ground. Other leaves burst into bloom as if it were spring. This cycle continued as chakra surged from the tree and was pulled into Itachi filling his chakra banks and refreshing his stamina. Haruko hissed. "He's like a Moloch Horridus."

Katashi blinked a few times before letting out a low whistle.

"Nice trick."

--

Three Hours Later

Katashi was strolling along, feeling rather pleased with himself for all the chaos he'd caused today. He'd set Sakura onto Naruto, 'helpfully' advised some customers of competition about some shady business and scams that they may not have been informed of, had annoyed Ino and Shikamaru, gotten Chouji to yell at him after he spoiled a whole hour's worth of meals, and had refereed the Lee/Neji match of the week. Oh yes, he was good. Now he was searching for his favorite victim, because, after all, it wasn't fair that he 'punished' everyone else and didn't punish himself! Mini-me, here I come.

He was just walking past the new BB-Q when he heard the rumor.

"Did you hear?" The lady hissed to her customer, her body quivering in anticipation. Her round, cheery face was lit up with excitement and her hands shook as she bagged the customer's onions and green peppers.

"Hear what?" Her neighbor leaned over, wanting to join in too. Who cared about competition when there was a rumor about after all. Kakashi sure didn't and quickly backtracked to eavesdrop.

By this time there were four women crowded around the vegetable stall, each of them leaning in to get their share of news. The first lady was puffed up with pride, pleased to the one to break the news to them. "It's all over town! In the Kunai and Kata Café, you know the small one just around the corner? Well, I heard from the waitress herself, she's my niece and all, and the Yellow Flash and Uzumaki 

Kushina were there – together. And apparently, Kushina is pregnant! Why, my niece was standing right by when she heard Minato mention marriage!"

"What?" One of the younger girls gasped. "No!"

"Yes!" The plump vegetables lady insisted. "Of course it's no surprise. He's been flirting like mad with her for years now."

"Well I heard he's been seeing her on the sly." A tall, scrawny woman with a hawk-like face said coyly. "Why, this morning my boys saw them come out of a hotel together."

There was a round of gasps and exclamations. One woman, dressed in stylish clothing, clicked her tongue. "Well, it's no surprise. After all, if she is pregnant and they haven't tied the knot, it means they went bad somewhere along the way."

The younger girl who had gasped before, turned up her nose. "It would be that Uzumaki girl's fault. That little snit came from the middle of nowhere, tagging along at Mina-Namikaze-sama's heals. The poor man was just forced to adopt her."

"She's fiercely independent I hear." The hawk faced lady inserted. "And I needn't mention her delinquent behavior." The women exchanged knowing nods.

"I honestly don't know how a polite man like Namikaze-san ended up with that rug rat!" The stylish woman added. "Every time she opens her mouth it's peppered with inappropriate language. I don't care if she is an orphan from the sticks. A woman should know better."

The women dispersed, no doubt hurrying to carry the latest news elsewhere, while Kakashi pealed an apple he had snatched from one of the vendor's stalls. He frowned as he pealed it, pulling the long red strips from the fruit with a penknife and carrying it to his mouth. This was unexpected. It was doubtful that Sensei and Kushina-chan were actually dating, but the rumors hadn't started until a year before Naruto's conception. Finishing off his apple with a satisfied slurp, Kakashi wandered over the the plump ladies stall and calmly stole all her money from the day. Then he meandered away, pleased with his petty revenge.

No one would slur Minato and Kushina in front on him and get away with it.

--

The days of Shinsei's stay were up, but as far as Hinata could tell, he hadn't made a move to go anywhere. Right now he was stripped to the waist and knee deep in water trying to spear some fish. She had offered to buy a fishing line, but he had stared at her as if she were an alien from Alien vs. Predator, so she figured he didn't want it. He didn't need it either, she acknowledged as she cleaned the three other fish he had caught.



Shinsei had long since given up trying to figure out how she did so many things blind. She had given him some practical advice, such as how to find your way in a dark room, or how to know who a person was even without seeing or hearing them. "It might be good if you ever find yourself in a place you can't use your eyes." Was all she had said.

She probably didn't even need to offer an explanation, as Shinsei drank up everything she said like a dying man taking his last drink. She placed the fish on the fire and walked over to the river bank. "Have you finished, Shinsei?"

"Ile." Shinsei answered. "I hope to have some to salt for when your companions return."

"I see." Hinata answered. "They should be back in a day or two."

Shinsei blinked. "Already?"

The 'blind' woman's laughter pealed out like silver bells. "Shinsei-kun! It's been two weeks and a half already!"

"Oh." The boy looked down. "Do I have to leave?"

Hinata's grin faded into a small smile. "Only if you want to."

Shinsei swallowed and looked up to meet her eyes straight on. "I think I'll stay then."

"Hai." Hinata answered. "Okay, who's turn is it to do the dishes?"

--

Kushina glared at Minato as he trailed her to the meeting room. "Are you ever going to stop following me?"

"Yep."

"Right now?"

"Nope!"

"Minatoooo." Kushina groaned. "Can't you just leave it alone?"

"Leave what alone? I don't think you've told me what's wrong yet."

Kushina scowled and slammed the door to the meeting area open with a bang. It crashed against the wall and would have bounded shut if not for Uzumaki's hand holding it open. Her petite frame quivered as she stomped into the room and flopped into a far away chair surrounded by women. The only open spot was about five chairs away and surrounded by some the largest gossipers in the village – Chouza 

and Inoichi, who were also temporarily not on speaking terms. Minato glanced at the open chair in consternation.

Kushina 2 : Minato 0

--

"Minato – I want you and your team deployed at the border in two days." The Sandaime said solemnly. "I know Obito and Rin are still genin, but we're losing ground rapidly. Your job is to identify the locations of the enemy camps along the river. Mark them on the map and send it back with one of your summons. Observe for change."

Minato nodded. "Hai, Hokage-sama."

"Kushina, Danzo, Kaito and Tairu – the InoChouShi Team has reported a large force moving toward us from south of the river. You all have group attacks, so I want you to lead four squads into battle. I don't want a single Iwa survivor."

"Yippee!" Kushina said sarcastically, picking up her orders. Danzo glared at her reprovingly, but she just ignored him. The old fart was a stuck up idiot anyway. Strange how many of those she knew, wasn't it?

She had worked with her three teammates before, so she threw a smile at Kaito and Tairu. The two jounins waved back. Now that her job had been handed to her, Kushina shifted uncomfortably in her chair. The hands of the clock moved agonizingly slow and her straining ears heard each tick as if it were a gong. As the Sandaime droned on and on, her boot clad foot began tapping a steady rhythm against the floor. Ta, dada-taada-tadadada-ta. One of her friends smirked and leaned over. "Metallica?"

"Hey," Kushina whispered back unapologetically. "I'm bored!"

Her friend rolled her eyes and leaned back into her chair. Minato looked away, shaking his head in amusement. The Sandaime finished assigning home patrol duty and closed with a blessing. Kushina bolted out of her chair, the window dead ahead of her and offering so much freedom. Grabbing hold of the window sill, she threw herself through to soar in the air. Kaito and Tairu landed beside her, laughing.

"My, my, Kushi-chan!" Tairu said playfully. "One would think there was a fire! This one hopes you are not becoming claustrophobic. This one would not like to see you sleep in a tent while struggling."

Kaito didn't say anything, but he nudged her playfully. Kushina rolled her eyes. "Oh stop it you two. I'm just trying to get away from the overprotective guard dog I suddenly gained."

Tairu's hazel eyes lit up. "Ah yes! Namikaze-san! This one would like to offer his condolences. This one is sorry you ended up in such a predicament. However, this one is pleased to see that this is the result of years of bickering, instead of other more dire consequences. However, this one wonders why you are 

harried while in your condition. Were this one to decide, you would be staying at home. This one will have to have a talk with Minato-san."

Kushina blinked. "Okay… weird." Sure, it was annoying to have Minato tailing her, but that sure was a bizarre response from Tairu. Shaking off the sudden feeling of foreboding she started in the direction of her hotel room. "Yo, I'm gonna go pack. Meet you at the gate at seven!"

"Hai!"

As Kushina disappeared in a puff of smoke, Tairu turned to tall, dark and silent – also known as Kaito. "Is it not wonderful, this one's friend? Our dear Kushi-chan is having a child – and getting married. However, this one wonders why she has not said anything. This one wonders if this one should be offended. Of course, naturally, that one does not know the news is already spread throughout the village."

Kaito nodded in solemn agreement.

--

Katashi lounged against the telephone pole, his legs crossed. His book was held firmly in his right hand, while his left was tucked in his pocket. He lifted a lazy eye from the lewd pages to squint at the sun. Checking his watch, he looked up to the corner in front of him. If his calculations were correct – and they were always correct – his younger self would be passing this way in five, four, three, two…

Ah, there he is! Katashi thought gleefully. Sure enough, Kakashi-junior rounded the corner at five o' clock sharp. Katashi snapped his version of Icha Icha Make Out shut and bounded over to the boy's side.

"Good afternoon, Salami-san!"

Kakashi jumped, his face paling as he took in the sight of the interloper. Katashi stood leaning over him, his eyes scrunched up in a smile, a pearly white grin beaming down on the smaller boy. Wait a second… Kakashi rapidly backtracked. "How did you get salami out of Kakashi, you nitwit!"

"Well…" Katashi began. "It's like this: I was walking down the road of life when I found a single kanji, lying in the middle of nowhere. Not one to leave a poor letter all alone, I picked it up, only to find that it was—"

"Shut up!" Kakashi yelled. "I don't have time for this! I have a mission! Mission! And I don't care how you got Salami. My name is Kakashi! Ka-ka-shi! Now I have to go – goodbye!"

He dashed away, only to find himself running on air as the annoying-being-who-should-have-never-been-born lifted him into the air by the back of his shirt. "Whoa, there tiger! Not so fast!" He dumped Kakashi into a pile on the road. "You know, if you keep that stress level up so high, you'll be gray before you're twenty!... wait… You already are grey! Now when did that happen, I wonder!"



Oh great, Kakashi thought to himself from where his head was planted in the dirt. Not only is he a lazy, pervy idiot, he's a lazy, pervy scatterbrained idiot. Why oh why can't I attract the attention of someone useful every once in a while? I'm not asking for much here! Hello? Anyone listening?

Katashi knelt down beside him. "Why Kalamafi - what are you doing on the ground? If you're not careful you'll get your face dirty!"

Kakashi didn't think he'd ever been so thankful for a mission.

Ever.

--

Itachi landed another kick on Naruto's forearm and the blond couldn't help but feel a bit of vindication at the frustration that flashed over the four-year-old's face. Was it childish to say, take that to the younger version of the man they had never managed to put a scratch on? Or phase. Or irritate. Or kill. Especially kill.

"Where are you going after this?" Itachi asked, leaping over a sweeping leg kick. He threw a haymaker only for Naoki to casually block it.

"We were thinking about Suna. It's nice this time of year."

"Suna weather never changes." Itachi said calmly, bouncing into a flip.

"Exactly." Naruto grinned.

--

Katashi nodded to one of the passing chuunin cheerfully, ignoring his shocked stare. "Howdy!" he said to one. "Good day." He said to another, all the while smiling with a very ticked off Kakashi tucked under his arm.

"Let me go, you big bag of rotting cabbage!" Kakashi yelled, kicking. After being teased a few times about Katashi over his language he decided not to give the man anymore ammunition. Unfortunately, now Katashi had another thing to tease him about.

"Aww… isn't the little boy cute? Trying to keep his mouth clean." Katashi chuckled. "Chibi-Kakashi – you are a hoot!" He nodded to another staring passerby. "What say we go meet your team!"

Like this? Kakashi thought in horror. "No! Let me down! Let me down! I hate you!"

Katashi just laughed as he carried the kicking and screaming boy towards the worst humiliation possible.

--



Kushina bumped fists with Naruto, smirking down at him. "Well, I don't know when I'll get back. However… that one rabbit is still in the target zone. Next time you stop by you might find him a little toasty."

"Man you suck at code language." Naoki snickered. "But I will definitely have to get a copy of the video. You did plant the security camera, right?"

"Duh!" Kushina smacked him over the head. "You think I'm going to miss the havoc of my prank?"

"Your prank?" Naruto said pointedly. Kushina rolled her eyes.

"Fine, fine. Our prank – happy?"

"Indubitably." Naruto answered, smirking cockily.

Kushina huffed. "Hey watch it, or I may just have to see how good you are at avoiding pranks."

"Do that and it'll be a war Konoha will never forget." Naruto warned. Kushina grinned and Naruto got the impression that was exactly what she wanted.

Her teammate called out to her and she flashed him the universal "one minute" signal. Ruffling Naoki's hair fondly she smiled. "Take care of yourself, okay?"

"Hey – I'm not the one whose going death defying." Naruto groused, smoothing down his hair futilely. "Take care of yourself, you old hag."

"Will do." And with that her team ran out of the city.

--

Minato riffled through the papers, half an eye turned to the door. The creaking of the stairs, the opening of a bottle from downstairs. Voices in the hallway. They seemed supersonic to his adrenaline charged ears. Gloves ensured that no prints were left on the polished mahogany desk. He carefully placed the papers back the way they were. He grunted in frustration and turned to the drawers. Deactivating the security on the corners, he pulled it open quietly. A triumphant smile flashed across his face as he pulled out the yellow folder. "Bingo."

Laying it on a scroll he rapidly formed seals. The seal on the scroll flashed red and an identical copy formed beside the original. Minato replaced the folder and carefully shut the drawer. He activated the traps and picked up his acquisition. "Well… this should answer a few questions."

He walked over to the door and strained his hearing to see if anyone was near. Satisfied that he was for the moment alone, he pulled the door open. Shutting the door behind him, he walked confidently towards the building exit, Uzumaki Kushina's file held securely under his arm.



Judging by the thickness, it would be good reading for the mission.

--

Obito and Rin stared, their jaws hanging somewhere below their knees. Rin blinked, and then Obito was rolling on the floor holding his hides as he collapsed into hysterical laughter. Rin was soon to follow, but at least she tried to hide the snickers behind a hand. Unfortunately, her increasingly red face gave her away. Finally, Kakashi's teammate gave it up as a bad job all around and let her laughter soar.

Kakashi – suspended from under Katashi's arm with makeup and hair dyed blond – flushed red. He was going to kill them. Tie them up, hang them upside down from the nearest telephone post, and force-feed them… carrots! And… and green beans!

He didn't make any graphic death threats for fear Katashi could read his mind – he wouldn't put it past the perv. He shot a death glare at his teammates, but when they burst into another set of giggles he assumed the makeover had ruined the effect. Katashi set him down and patted him on his newly dyed hair. Kakashi lurked into a sulk. He didn't even know when it had happened! One minute Katashi had been carrying him kicking and screaming down the street, the next he was surrounded by women with mascara and lipstick.

At least Katashi had drawn a line at the frilly pink dress. Wait, did that sound grateful? No! I'll never be grateful to the --!

"No swearing Kamalafi-kun." Katashi admonished. Obito mouthed Kamalafi as Kakashi stared at the adult incredulously.

"Do you read my mind or something?"

Katashi grinned cheerfully and winked. "Or something."

Rin giggled, and started asking a thousand questions. "How did you do that? Was he really swearing? How did you dye his hair? Who did the makeup. Can you teach me? I like makeup, but I don't have a lot of chances to use it, because it's impractical on missions. Of course, some girls take it anyway, but it just takes up room that I can use for medicine so I don't. Do you like makeup? I mean, naturally, not on you because you're a guy, but do you like it when girls wear it? My mom says I should wear makeup more, but my dad says I should stay plain or else he'll have to put bars on my window. He's joking of course, but still. Are you married? Do you have a daughter?"

Katashi blinked as Rin's rapid shot questions caught him off guard. Kakashi couldn't help but smirk when the normally implacable man was caught flat footed. "Er… yes, I mean, no, I mean, I had help… er…"

Rin lifted an eyebrow. "You had help having a daughter?"



"NO! I mean, not that." Katashi floundered before saying forcefully, "I meant I had help giving the squirt a makeover."

"Ooohhh!" Rin said, nodding sagely. "So how did you have a daughter without help?"

It was only when the boys caught the wicked glint in her eye that they understood that Rin had planned this all along. As Katashi actually blushed, Obito and Kakashi shared a laugh. That was how Minato found them, in the midst of a fist pounding, side aching frenzy, Kakashi with lipstick and eye shadow across his face and Obito with tears running down his cheeks from laughing. Rin was hunched over, and a poor bewildered man was opening and shutting his mouth like a fish.

Wait… Minato backtracked. Kakashi in what?

-0-0-

Minato had said a fast fare-thee-well to Naruto, so the blond was feeling rather cheerful. If Itachi wondered why his mentor was so blasted happy at having said goodbye to a virtual stranger, he chalked it up to outsider weirdness and left it at that. He made absolutely no attempt to catalogue the obvious similarities in appearance, or the vaguely uncomfortable aura that he associated with distant cousins when they came to visit.

Nope.

Not at all.

If he had catalogued it, he would have been obliged to submit his observation to Clan Head, and he wasn't about to give the –– any more ammo than they already had. Naoki led him to the covered wagon where he was greeted by Haruko. The cherry girl nodded to the Uchiha in greeting then turned her full glare on the blond beside him. She opened her mouth, presumably to scold him. Suddenly it seemed she became aware of the guards who were watching over their wagon and clamped her lips shut. Naoki relaxed slightly.

I assume she knows better than to undermine the leader in front of potential threats.

He was pleased by this. Naoki entered the wagon for a few moments, and the sound of shifting boxes was apparent even after the curtain had fallen shut behind him. He was sure he heard several crashes, and glass breaking before Naruto poked his head out again. Haruko was visibly restraining herself as some of the damage was revealed. "Utter, and complete slob! Hurricane Naruto! Grrr…" Haruko muttered to herself, marching over to the wagon. Itachi blinked. Naruto? Who's Naruto?

He was distracted when Naruto knelt before him. "Here, I want you to have this." He opened his hand to reveal a small gold medallion, the chain long enough to hide it under his shirt. "This was a gift from my mentor. It'll keep track of you – if you're ever hurt, or sad, or whatever – if you ever need me channel chakra into that and I'll come running. You're too young to handle the world yet."



Itachi looked at the coin size charm Naoki had dropped in his hand. He tipped his head in a way not unlike a cat and examined it.

He met his mentor's eyes and nodded seriously. The blond grinned and ruffled his hair.

That moment was when Itachi decided it didn't matter what Naoki's real name was. It didn't matter where this caravan came from. It didn't matter if they were good for Konoha or not. Whoever he was, Naoki was offering him the choice to not be the strongest. He slipped the thin chain over his neck.

"When will you be leaving." He asked calmly.

"Oh…" Naoki straightened. "This afternoon I think. We want to hit the road before sundown."

"Interesting." Was all Itachi said. He could have mentioned how most people would want to leave at dawn, so as to travel far before night fall. He could have mentioned how traveling at night raised suspicion. But he didn't.

Naoki winked at him anyway. Somehow, Itachi figured he would have to get used to people who read his mind.

--

Sai handed Itachi a painting just before they left. It was a simple ink sketch of the Caravan members with Itachi standing in the middle. Two large stone Dragons were painted on either side. "Artistic license." Sai said with a shrug when asked about them. Kiba snorted suspiciously, but Itachi decided to accept it as is.

Then, with a ruffle of his hair from Naoki, a pat from Katashi, and a nod from Sai, the caravan left.

Itachi was startled to realize he would miss them.

He'd never felt that before.

--

Hinata smiled when she felt the first rumblings of the wagon pulling up. It had been a long three weeks, but it was over now. Brushing her hands off she got up to greet them. Shinsei watched her in confusion, not having the senses to feel the rumbling of wagon wheels on the ground. However, he picked up the game of Go and followed her out, only to stare as the white covered wagon came through the trees.

Tsuki was already running before the covered wagon cleared the tree line, her obi fluttering behind her. Kiba and Neji jumped from the wagon and hurled themselves at her. She was swept up by Kiba's hug as Neji scanned her for any signs that something was wrong. Seeing no broken bones, bruises, or other nefarious signs he relaxed for what was probably the first time since they had left for Konoha.



They pulled the wagon into the cave and Hinata enthusiastically dragged them around the fire to tell of their adventures. She was pleased to learn her tapestries had been enthusiastically received, having sold out by the second week. "Seriously, Hinata." Kiba said enthusiastically, biting into the chicken she had prepared in case they arrived at home in time for dinner. "I think there was actually a cat fight over the blue one. You know with the wolves?"

"Really?" Hinata said, amused. "And I'm sure none of the Inuzuka clan was involved with that."

Kiba looked affronted for a minute before his twitching lip gave him away. "Why Hin-Tsuki! What are you insinuating – that's clan pride you're insulting!"

"Technically," Sai said from where he was dissecting his chicken, separating anything that didn't look like meat with the precision of a surgeon. "then wasn't it a dog fight?"

"Yeah." Kiba said, a disgusted look crossing his face. "No way were they related to cats."

They waited until Shinsei was in bed to give her the important news, such as Naruto taking Itachi under his wing, or Katashi annoying Kakashi to near suicide. They told her about seeing faces long gone again. Neji quietly told her about his surveillance of the Hyuuga clan. "They're doing well, Hinata-sama. Otousan and your father are… really close. Your dad's just started courting your mother. My parents are already married." He muttered something that sounded a lot like, "Thank God." Hinata shot him an amused glance.

"What?" He said in exasperation. "All I'm saying is it was awkward enough without seeing my parents wandering around like moon-eyed cows. I mean it was bad enough seeing them…" He blushed furiously and Hinata's gentle smile turned a bit more teasing.

"Ooohh, did Neji spy something he shouldn't?" Kiba laughed.

Neji threw a handful of dirt at him. "Shut up!"

"Make me!"

When Neji actually lunged across the fire to tackle the dog user, the rest of the ex-ninja scurried out of the way. After three weeks of walking on egg shells a good fight was just what they needed. As the two boys brawled – well, okay. Kiba brawled, Neji did a deadly dance – their fellow survivors jeered them on. Lee yelled furiously about the power of youth, Hinata cheered for them both at once, and Naruto orchestrated the betting. After everyone had placed their dibs, Shikamaru bet all his money on Kiba.

To the shock of them all, Shikamaru once again proved to be right.

When Kiba stared at his rival down in the dirt he couldn't believe it. He blinked. Blinked again, and then with a wild, enthusiastic howl announced his victory to the world. Neji, it seemed, would be doing the laundry for a long time.



--

There were several fights during the night. Sai and Chouji faced off once. Ino and Sakura had a go at it. No one fought Shikamaru because the night brought the epitome of his power to the front, and no one wanted a guaranteed lose. Finally they wound down and Naruto called them to order.

"We have several options from here. Suna, Mist, or we make a pit stop at Grass. We need to get as many of those civilian villages on our side as possible before Orochimaru gets to them. However, he's not going to make a move for a few years, and I hear Sand's wonderful this time of year. Nice, warm, very little rain…"

Sai snorted. "That pretty much describes it all year long."

"Exactly." Naruto stated firmly. "Plus, they just got out of sand storm season!"

"And the scantily clad women during the festival has nothing to do with it." Sakura said dryly, abruptly reminding everyone that the Celebration of End of Sandstorms was just around the corner. Kakashi sat up.

"I vote we go. Naruto does have a point – the Sand are rather suspicious of people like us, and well, since we're planning to brainwash Gaara I figure why not get their trust while we can, eh?"

Ino rolled her eyes. "Of course you do." She sighed. "I've got no opposition to going. I just ordered some great material for Suna anyway. They love their colors, and I've got just the thing!"

Naruto started bouncing in his seat. "Okay, so that's three votes."

"You have mine!" Kiba declared. "Man, those girls are hot!" Hinata glared at him so frigidly Akamaru whimpered. Kiba slunk into the shadows. "Well they are." He said petulantly.

The final tally was seven to four in favor. And for once Hinata proved herself a capable shrew by giving Neji and Kiba the cold shoulder.

One thing was sure – this promised to be a very promising next few months until the next stage of their plan. And they couldn't wait.

--

End Part One

--

TBC…

Moloch Horridus – small lizards approximately 6-8 inches long. They have ridges on the outside of their skin like horns. The Moloch stands in a puddle of water and swallows rapidly. The ridges made by the horns pull water from the puddle, carry it up through the channels to the lizard's mouth where it drinks.

Author's Note: This chapter took a lot longer than anticipated. I guess it couldn't be helped with it being test week and all. Once again, thanks to my beta! Well that concludes Part One. Next up is an Interlude and then it's on to part two.

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