A/N: Thanks for all the well wishes for my family during our health crisis. I scrapped what I had written before and wrote fresh, over 18,000 words! Since that will take my beta and pre-readers forever to get through I have decided to release it in three parts so that I can get it to you faster. The next part will be out Wednesday, then on Friday we get to the JUICY part!
I want to give a shout out to all the ladies that help me: ACEMCKEAN- my beta extraordinaire!, BEEGURL13- who is a great source of information and ideas and a kick ass author!, TWILIGHT44- a great sounding board and cheerleader for all the drama. She wanted me to wait and post together but I'm too impatient. Sorry!:) SUNSETWING - the girl is talented! She fixes my booboos and writes great stories herself!
If you guys TWEET you can follow me on TWITTER. I am CallMeMrsWrite
I post story previews to my blog - TwilightMommyof4girls (DOT)blogspot(DOT) com
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BPOV
"I love you, Bella, so much," he said as he laid me down on the floor, quickly covering my body with his.
"Make love to me," I begged as I pulled him in to kiss him. "Please."
"If I do... Bella, if we do this, I'll never be able to let you go. I need you... not just for a night, but for forever... if you don't want that, if you can't promise to try, to at least work towards that... then we have to stop. I can't have my angel back in my arms for only one night. It would kill me to lose you again," he begged.
"I love you," I said, panting. "I want this. I want us. I can't promise it isn't going to be hard. We have a lot we need to get past and a lot we need to learn about each other, but I feel the same way. If I were to wake up tomorrow and find you gone, it would kill me. "
"I love you," he said, pulling away from me and standing up. My heart felt the distance immediately and I looked up at him, questioning the space. He just smiled, which confused me for a second, until he bent down and picked me up.
"I am not going to do this here," he said, lifting me up bridal style. "You deserve more that a frantic fuck on the floor. You are my angel and now that I finally have you in my arms again, I am going to do this right. I have dreamed of this for years and I am going to treat you like I should have treated you all along. I am going to worship your body, until neither of us can even move."
I wrapped my arms around his neck, anxious to worship and to be worshipped by, my own personal Adonis and began pressing soft, wet kissed along the exposed skin of his neck, shoulder and chest, concentrating on the collarbone area, since it had always driven him nuts.
"Bella," he growled.
"Um hmm," I said, not stopping the trail of kisses. "Do you know what you are doing to me?"
"Uh uh," I said, playing innocent. I knew exactly what I was doing.
"I'm not going to be able to worship you as I should if you keep that up," he groaned.
Edward had always prided himself on remaining in control. In every aspect of his life, he had a plan for how it should go. Even with sex. Not that sex with him hadn't always been fantastic, but the few times that he had completely lost control were unbe-fucking-lievable!
I shifted in his arms as we got to the bedroom, nipping at his earlobe. He had always been sensitive to my kisses and nips there and I found myself wondering if he still was.
The growl he emitted when I nipped at the sensitive flesh let me know he was. I smiled.
He sat me gently on the large bed and moved to pull away, only I wouldn't release the hold I had on his neck. I kept my arms around him and pulled him into another heated kiss. His initial reluctance was blown to smithereens as soon as our lips touched. I gently sucked his bottom lip into my mouth as he claimed my top one, suckling it gently before pulling back slightly, which left me gasping. As soon as he saw the opening, he dove forward, claiming my mouth again, pressing his tongue through my lips. I didn't waste the opportunity and gently sucked, causing him to groan into my mouth. The taste of him in my mouth sent shivers through my overheated body and I shivered slightly. He pulled away again, with a slight frown creasing his brow. The hold I had on his neck had loosened and he stood up, looking around the room before returning his gaze to me.
"You're cold," he said. "How do I turn on the fireplace in here?"
"I'm not cold," I said, laying back on the bed, content that there was no real problem.
"I felt you shiver," he said.
"Still not cold," I said as I moved my hands to unbutton my jeans.
"Bella," he growled as he looked down at me hungrily.
"Yes, Edward," I said, delighting at the sound of his name on my lips.
"What do you think you're doing?" he growled, crooked smile firmly in place on his lips.
"They're in the way," I said innocently, as I lifted my hips to shimmy the tight denim down, exposing my pink lacy panties that matched my bra perfectly. They weren't the sexiest things, barely a step up from the white cotton bras and panties I wore on a daily basis before, but it was as good as it got here without making a trip to Prince George or Vancouver.
As soon as the pants reached my thighs, he grabbed the bottom of them and tugged, removing them the rest of the way. He looked me up and down hungrily and I blushed slightly, wondering what he was thinking about the changes in my body.
"God, Bella," he moaned, lowering himself onto me. I spread my legs and wrapped them around him, pulling him towards my center.
Feeling him, hard against me, though still not skin to skin, was almost too much for me. My head felt dizzy from the pleasure and although there were still too many layers of fabric between us, it was still better than I remembered.
I moved my hands to the waistband of his jeans and tugged the button loose.
"Bella, Love," he moaned. "I want to worship you, I need to worship you!"
"Later," I said. "I need you, Edward. I need to feel you inside me. I need to be joined to you. Please!"
I knew he would never deny me. He looked into my eyes and nodded slowly. I moved my hand to lower the zipper and my feet to move his jeans away from his hips. As soon as they were past the curve of his ass he pulled away again to remove them completely, tugging his socks off as well.
Socks were not sexy!
Seeing him in his boxers, brought tears to my eyes.
"Bella?" he asked, as he looked at me, taking note of my tear filled eyes.
"I didn't think I'd ever see you like this again," I said softly.
"I'm so sorry," he said.
"No more sorry for now," I said. "Just make love to me. Make me yours again."
He smiled and moved to grab one of my legs, placing it on his shoulder. He began running his hands up and down the smooth white flesh, causing me to writhe as his hands moved so close to where I wanted him to touch me. He hesitated, leaving his hands there for a moment before moving them towards my ankle again, eliciting a groan from me.
He chuckled softly before reaching to remove the little ankle sock that was still covering my foot. He placed a soft kiss and nip on the instep of my foot that caused me to giggle.
Damn my ticklish feet! And damn that little smirk on his face! He knew exactly what he was doing!
He repeated the process with the other leg, this time allowing his hand to touch my panty covered center. I let out a hiss of delight that caused him to smile as he quickly moved down to remove my other sock.
"So pretty," he said, as he gazed down at me. I watched closely as his eyes moved over my body, certain that he was taking in all the changes that had occurred since he had last seen it. I couldn't help but worry that he would be disappointed. I felt my cheeks begin to flush and silently cursed the blush that had haunted me all my life.
"I missed that," he said running his finger along my cheek. "You are even more beautiful than I remember." He moved his finger from my cheek down between the valley of my breasts to my stomach, where he leaned over and pressed a kiss, just above my panty line.
"Please, Edward," I said, reaching up for him. "I need you."
He moved his body over mine again as he moved to capture my lips. Our lips moved hungrily and he rolled us on the bed so that I was on top of him. My hands wound into his hair, pulling slightly.
My fingers relished the feeling of his hair mixed between them. My lips celebrated the feeling of his moving with them. My core screamed with pleasure as his underwear did little to contain his hardness. My whole body was alight with my desire for him. Every nerve called his name. If I died right now, I would die happy.
He moved his hands to unclasp my bra, fumbling as he always had.
"Let me," I said, reaching behind myself to unclasp my bra. He used his hands at my waist to push me up so I was straddling him. As soon as I loosened the clasp, one of the straps slipped from my shoulder, causing him to groan.
"So pretty," he said, as he moved his hands to the straps of my bra, causing the other side to fall from my shoulder. I bit my lip nervously as he gently tugged it away. I looked at him as he watched the fabric come away from my chest, exposing my breasts to him.
"So fucking beautiful," he said, almost purring as he tossed my bra across the room.
His hands claimed the sensitive flesh as soon as they could, causing me to moan out in ecstasy. He kneaded my breasts, carefully avoiding the hard peak of my nipple that just seemed to get impossibly harder with his avoidance, calling for his fingers to touch them.
I moaned in delight as he finally moved to touch the sensitive bud. I began writhing against him, finding friction against his fabric covered hardness as he moved from touching them to pinching. Without warning, I found myself, bucked off, and lying flat on my back in bed.
"If you kept that up," he said huskily as he tugged my panties down, "I was going to blow up before I even got to take these off."
"So perfect," he moaned as his eyes drank in my naked form. The unmistakable look of pleasure on his face killed the last of my inhibitions and I lay there, almost panting as he examined my body.
"I love you so much, Bella," he said as a single tear leaked from his eyes. "I never believed that I would get to worship your body again. Thank you, thank you, thank you." He leaned down and started placing kisses on my stomach, moving up to kiss my breasts.
I writhed in anticipation and moved my feet so that I could hook my toes into the waistband of his boxers. It was a little tricky, especially when his lips finally engulfed one of my nipples suckling it furiously, but I managed to endure. Once they had slipped past his ass, they were still caught in the front. He lifted up a little, moving his hand to free himself from the fabric, and my overheated core got it's first skin to skin contact with his engorged member, or any engorged member for that matter, in seven years."
"Fuck," he cursed under his breath as I gasped at the sensation.
"I need you, Sweetheart," he said, moving so that he could discard the rest of his boxers.
"Please," I said. "Please, take me."
He lined himself up against my dripping core and gently eased the head into my dripping center.
"So wet," he moaned as he slipped gently in. The incredible feel of him filling me was so intense, I nearly lost it instantly. He moved cautiously, I'm sure remembering that it had been a long time since I had last done this, filling me slowly until I could feel his pelvis pressed against mine.
"Yes," I hissed, bucking my hips up before moving my legs to wrap around him.
He moved, tentatively at first, before moving faster and faster. He lowered his head to my lips, claiming them in a heated kiss as I cried out, into his mouth at the pleasure he was creating.
"Bella," he said, pulling away from the kiss and staring down at me. The intense delight in his eyes was nearly my undoing.
"Edward," I whimpered as my back arched. "I love you."
"I love you, Angel," he called out, leaning down a little more. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer, suckling at his earlobe and moving down his neck to his shoulder. I nipped and sucked my way back to his collarbone when I felt him begin to lose control. His measured pace became near frantic and I felt my walls begin to clench as my orgasm overtook me.
"Edward," I screamed as the orgasm ripped through my body.
He couldn't fight his own orgasm off anymore and yelled, "Bella," as he collapsed against my chest, sobbing.
His tears mingled with my own as he rolled us to our sides, our lips meeting in soft gentle kisses as we came down from our highs.
"Emmett is definitely going to make me turn in my man card if this night ever gets out," he said softly.
"This is you and me," I said, sniffling. "Nobody else."
"I love you," he said.
"As I love you," I said.
We lay there kissing and caressing for a little while longer before uncoupling ourselves with a groan. We didn't go far, simply moving so that he lay on his back and I lay with my head on his shoulder.
"Tell me why you named our son after me," he said softly, his fingers plying with my hair.
"I had a list of twenty names that I liked and decided that I would choose his name when I saw him. I had carefully avoided any name that might remind me of you, trying to get past us," I said, linking my hand with his.
"Yeah?" he asked.
"Once he was born, and the doctor laid him on my chest for the first time, I could see the copper hair and I knew I would never forget us. When he opened his tiny eyes and they were green, it sealed the deal, so I decided to call him Masen. It just seemed to fit," I said.
"I like it," he said.
"I'm glad," I said, snuggling in tighter. I kissed his chest and cuddled in.
"I love you so much," he said.
"I love you," I told him, allowing my hands to roam over his body, relearning every curve.
As dawn broke, I found myself laying in the exact same position, with my head on Edward's chest, my hand gently caressing his chest. Only now I was looking out the large picture window in the bedroom that looked out over the water. Edward was awake as well, gently stroking his hand up and down my naked back. This was my happiness, and I was so afraid that something was going to disrupt this fragile bubble we had created.
Neither of us had slept all night, alternating between making love, silent cuddling and reminiscing about our time together, before all of this. We carefully avoided all sensitive topics, preferring to remain in the contented bubble as long as possible. We knew that the bubble would burst soon and that we still had a ton to discuss.
"It is so beautiful here," he said softly. His velvety voice was husky. I lifted my head from his chest and looked into his eyes, smiling softly.
"This is my favorite cabin," I said, biting my lip. He moved his hand to caress my cheek, using the pad of his thumb to pull my lip from between my teeth.
I could feel the bubble starting to go and I fought against the panic that threatened to engulf me. I knew we had rushed things to end up where we were.
"I love you," he said as he lifted his lips to meet mine.
"I know," I said, smiling sadly. "I love you, too."
"Where do we go from here, Bella?" he asked with a sigh.
"I don't know, Edward. I wish it could be as easy as this," I said motioning to our current state of undress.
"We still do this rather well," he said, rather smugly.
"Yeah," I agreed with a slight smile before laying my head against his chest again.
We lay silent for a few moments.
"What is Masen going to think of all this?" he asked finally.
"I wish I knew," I told him. "There's so much change right now, with Jake leaving and you guys arriving. I'm going to need to talk to him for a bit, just to see how he is."
"Do you want to wait before we tell him?" he asked.
"No," I said. "For a couple of reasons."
"What reasons?" he asked.
"One, Emmett is here, and unless he has suddenly developed a verbal filter, then Masen is going to hear something from him before we can tell him, which is not advisable. Two, I want you two to get to know each other. The more time you have for that before you have to go..."
"I'm not going back," he said.
"Edward," I said. "You don't have a choice. There's all the customs stuff that you have to deal with. You can't stay here indefinitely without getting into trouble."
"I can't, Bella," he said, clutching me tighter.
"You have a job in Seattle, a house... You can't just up and leave them," I stuttered.
"You don't want me here?" he asked.
"I do," I said. "It kills me that you have to go back, but I know the customs stuff isn't easy. It doesn't mean we can't talk all the time and visit each other. Once the summer is over..."
"Bella, I stood there and let you walk out of my life once and I barely survived. The only thing that kept me going was the fact that I was certain that I was doing what was best for you and our son. When I found out that it wasn't the case... I lived only to find you. I can't let you go. I just can't!" he said, almost pleading with me.
"You have to go back, Edward. At least for a little while. You have to wrap things up there and come to Canada legally. I want you with me but you have to do this the right way or you could lose the ability to come to Canada permanently," I said, panicked at the thought of him being stuck in the States, unable to visit us.
"Come with me," he begged.
"How Edward?" I asked. "My life is here. Masen's life is here. I can't just up and leave. Maybe I could have, for a little while if Jake was still around, but I am now short staffed. I need to be here."
"There has to be a way, Bella," he begged, his arms clutching me to his body. "I can't lose you again."
The desperation in his voice pulled at my heart strings.
"I don't know how, Edward, but we'll make it work. We may be separated for a little while, but we'll work something out. I'll go down and visit as often as I can and you can come up here whenever you can," I said. "We'll get some immigration lawyers working on everything. We have to do this right or we could lose everything."
"What about Jenks?" Edward asked.
"What about him?" I asked him.
"Maybe he could help us," he said.
"It didn't sound like you two had a very good rapport," I said. "From what you said, it seems like he'd be unwilling to help you at all."
"Yeah," he said. "But for whatever reason he likes you. Maybe he'd do it for you."
"That's a long shot at best, Edward, maybe we should go through legal channels first."
"I can't lose you," he whimpered.
"I know," I said. "I don't want to lose you either, but if we have to be apart for a short while if it means we can be together for the long term, then we have to do it."
"I know," he whispered. "I just can't bear the thought."
"Me neither, but we survived for over seven years apart. We can do it for a few months. As soon as September rolls around, the lodge is nearly dead and I could come to Seattle some more if you can't move here. I'll just homeschool Masen so we can travel a bit more."
"God," he said, running his fingers through his hair. "I can't believe I am going to get to be his dad. Tell me more about him. I want to know everything."
"He's so smart, Edward," I started. "Even as a baby he loved books. He was so calm as long as I read to him, so from very young we started on the classics. He gets frustrated if a book has too many pictures... unless it's a science book, then it needs to have pictures."
"He sounds perfect," he said.
"I like to think so," I said.
"He doesn't really play a lot with kids his own age," I said. "They all like baby things still."
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"Any toy that says age 8 and above is up his alley. They little boy toys don't hold his interest. He could build insane structures out of legos from the time he was really little," I said.
"I love legos. I think my mom still has all mine," he laughed.
"He's really good about cleaning up after himself. He hates it when the vacuum eats his stuff," I said. "He lost a single piece of lego when he was four and has never forgotten it. I think it was because it was a present from his dad."
"From me?" he asked.
"I told you that I gave him presents from you. It was usually lego or transformers. It was always something I ordered online that couldn't be bought here," I said, blushing a little. This was really hard to confess to.
"What does he know about me?" he asked.
"He knows he got your eyes, your hair, your smile. When I want him to eat his vegetables I tell him it is so he can be big and tall like his dad," I said.
"Where does he think I am?" he asked softly.
"He knows you are working hard to be a doctor so that sick people can get better. I think everyone in Prince Rupert knows that fact by now," I said.
"What else?" he asked.
"Lots actually," I said. "Way more than I ever intended to tell him... He knows how we met... not the city but that we met at school."
"So he doesn't hate me?" he asked. I could hear the vulnerability in his voice.
"No," I said. "I think you are his hero."
"Why?" he asked.
"I think every little boy wants to be just like his father," I said. "He doesn't know anything bad... just good memories."
"Why?" he asked.
"Why what?" I said, feeling the tears start to build in my eyes.
"Why did you do that?" he said.
"Tell him about you? Make him think you were real and that you were somewhere out there?" I asked.
"Yeah," he said.
I couldn't fight back the tears anymore and they ran down onto his chest.
"It came upon me really quickly. I had never thought about what I'd say. I just couldn't tell him that you were dead, or that he didn't have a father... and I couldn't tell him that you were out there somewhere and just didn't want him as I believed..." I sobbed.
"Shhh," he soothed.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know what to tell him... then it was just easy to pretend that you really were out there somewhere, wanting him... wanting us," I sobbed.
"Oh, my beautiful girl," he said, moving us so that he could kiss my cheeks. "I will never be able to thank you."
"Thank me?" I sniffled as he swiped my tears away with his thumbs.
"I always dreamed of finding you two, but as the time passed, I wondered what my son would think of me. Would he hate me for what I'd done? Did he even know I existed? I dreamed of you guys all the time... especially after Jazz saw you at the zoo and I had an idea of what he looked like. As time went on I was sure he was going to hate me and now you are telling me that I'm his hero," he said, tears forming in his eyes. "It's so much..."
"I'm sorry," I said, worried that it was too much, that I had set Masen's expectations too high.
"Never be sorry," he said, letting the tears spill onto his cheeks. "This is so much better than I ever expected!"
"What?" I asked, sniffling.
"He doesn't hate me. We don't have to tell him that I'm not really dead... This is so much better than any scenario that I could have hoped for," he said.
"Don't expect him to run to you with open arms though," I cautioned, rubbing the tears from my eyes.
"I'm sure he'll have questions and stuff," he said, "but, Bella, we can work with those."
"I don't know how he'll react to you going back to Seattle... he kind of expects us to be one big happy family once you come. It was all his thoughts, but I did nothing to dissuade them," I said.
"We'll work it out. I'm going to do my damnedest not to leave. I want to be here," he said.
"Parenting isn't all the fun stuff you see on TV," I cautioned. "He's got his own way of doing things and sometimes it makes you want to bang your head in frustration..."
"I want it all, Bella," he said.
"I want to be the one to get up with him in the middle of the night because he's sick. I want to discipline him when he hits a baseball through the window. I want to make sure he gets his homework done and that he brushes his teeth with more than his finger," he said, causing me to giggle.
"How did you know about that trick?" I asked him, still sniffling from my recent crying jag.
"Know about it! Pfft! I invented it. I even started wetting my toothbrush so that my mom couldn't tell I hadn't used it. She still caught on though."
"Definitely your son," I said.
"I wish I had been there for everything," he lamented.
"Just be there for the rest and you're forgiven," I said. "I'm not saying it will be easy, but I want to be with you."
"I want you, Bella," he said. "Forever."
Conversation ceased at that point as his lips found mine. Pretty soon the conversation was all but forgotten as he finally got around to worshipping me the way he wanted to. When we finished, Edward pulled the covers around us and we snuggled together, finally falling into a blissful sleep.
I was woken some time later, my naked body wrapped tightly with Edward's, hearing his voice, which sounded slightly frantic.
"Bella," he said, shaking me gently. "Bella, wake up."
"Hmmm," I said opening my eyes sleepily. I looked up at Edward and smiled softly at him. He did not smile back, he simply pointed. I blinked back the sleep from my eyes and rolled over to look where he was pointing.
There, perched at the end of the bed was Masen with the biggest smile on his little face.
I pulled the covers up quickly, making sure I was completely covered, pulling away from Edward a bit. Apparently, he was having none of that and he pulled me so that my back was against his chest.
"I knowed you were my Dad! I just knowed it!" he exclaimed.
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