a/n: A whole chapter from Edward.
Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. The plot and details that lie within belong to goshdarnypooh.
*****
Last time on Regent's Park: I dropped the key to my flat on the floor, and bent to pick it up. As I moved to stand back up the door opened up.
"Thanks Alice I wanted to ask you—"
But before I could finish my thought I realized that it was not Alice opening my door.
"Hi Bella, I was waiting for you."
*****
Chapter 8
Big Issue
Aprox five hours before:
EPOV:
The morning started with a slow mist. I laid back in the grass and cursed the idea of falling asleep out in the open in London. Of course it would rain. Only a fucking idiot would think otherwise.
Rain, meet fucking idiot.
I patted the ground by legs and felt Mary's case under my legs. Even if someone thought of stealing my guitar, one look inside that case and they would throw her back. She might not look like much, but her tone is to die for. Unfortunately, I almost did once.
One whiff of the air and I realized my body was past rip, in fact it smelt pretty darn rotten. No matter really, I reached this state quite often. Too bad the morning rain could not be counted as a shower. Instead it only sufficed to cake my clothes even more against my skin. The chill would be unbearable for most, but I was used to the cold. It was a good contrast to the heat I had endured for so long.
No time to mourn the wicked. Maybe I could scrounge some food from one of the guys here. What I wouldn't do for a fucking hamburger right now. I looked around and noticed that the crowd grew now that it was sunny out and the rain was falling away.
Something along the line caught my eye and I immediately fell back onto the ground staying low to the ground and pulling Mary along with me. When I felt certain she did not know I was there, I watched as she interacted with a guy I met on the streets a few months ago. He was always a pleasant man, when he was not high on whatever drug he could get his hands on. His name was something like Ryan, or Ralph, or –
"It was nice to meet you Riley," Bella looked stunning in contrast to the grungy protestors and darkened sky. Her pale skin looked delicious against the dark folds of her jacket. I could imagine my hands caressing the exposed skin at her neck, taking the delicate area right below her ear in my mouth.
Bella is perfect, and I am a fucking screw-up. To make matters worse, she almost saw me in this mess. Surrounded by a group of people so down on our luck that we were trying to petition Parliament for assistance. Bloody hell, it wasn't that they are bad people; it's just that none of them are really good enough to be around Bella.
The jobless often turned to many elicit activities, this group not excluded. In the ranks I spotted several known drug dealers, as well as a dozen druggies, several prostitutes, and even one of their pimps. To top it all off, practically the entire group was homeless. Not that any of them really would hurt anybody; most caused enough self-destruction that they didn't have time to harm anyone else.
But the fact remained, none of us were good enough to be around Bella.
She had that wholesome American girl feel to her, out exploring the world for the first time. Bloody hell, I was certain the night I carried her home from Peter's pub was the first time she had been totally drunk off her arse. This was probably the first time she was far away from home, away from her family.
I had been far away from Britain once, but it was partially not to my own decision. Definitely not a wholesome experience either. After that experience, I definitely would never be good enough for someone like Bella.
I watched Bella walk toward the Parliament building. She probably did not even realize it, but every old man entering the place was giving her a warm knowing smile. Her returning smile was kind, she had no idea what affect she had on every man within a thirty foot radius of her. She disappeared inside, and I wished for a moment that my caked on clothes were more presentable, because I had the fucking urge to follow her into that building. I walked up to the man Bella had been speaking to moments before.
"Hello –" I tried to remember his name, he looked familiar to me, "Riley?"
Riley smiled at me, a nice looking snaggle tooth protruded from his mouth, "Hi man, haven't seen you in a while," I looked at him for a moment and tried to figure out if I had indeed met him before, "So Edward, it looks like you are still playing guitar."
"Ah…yeah, always at my side," So he did know who I was, I wished I could place him.
"Hey, I just wanted to apologize again for that busted lip. I owed the bloke some money who made me take the swing. Guess he didn't want to get his fist dirty. Tried to take it easy on you."
"Thanks for that," As soon as Riley mentioned the lip the memory started to flood back. He was not the only one who owed that dodgy man money. He gave me the cocaine, but I couldn't get him the cash fast enough to pay him back.
Fucker followed me into an alley outside of a pub I just performed at and obviously hired Riley to help pound it out of me. Stupid to admit it, but I was knocked unconscious after the first swing. With all my training it made me feel fucking weak, I should have been able to put up a better fight. Hell, I should have been able to kill them and leave no trace of their bodies. Instead I was coming off of a cocktail of drugs and liquor when I stepped out of the pub, and after I got knocked out, I woke up the next morning lucky to only have a broken leg and three cracked ribs. I was a little upset over the lip though; I'm so fucking vain.
"No harm Riley," Couldn't really blame the asshole, he would have ended up in the same predicament if he hadn't followed orders. Every man for himself, or some shit like that, "At least you had the decency to leave my guitar around."
"That piece of shit, we took one look at it and figured it would be more effort to throw it away then leave it there. You still have it?"
I patted the case lovingly, "She still carries a tune. I can make twenty quid playing down in the Tube Station during morning commute. So what are you doing here today?"
"Honestly," Riley looked around then whispered at me, "Bree promised that we would get a sacked lunch if we hung out here for a few hours."
"Obviously word got around, I came for the same reason. Come out, hold some signs and chant every once and a while. Easy way to earn a dinner."
"Crimany, your mum lives in town don't she? I seen her face in 'Big Issue', she looks like she can cook. Why aren't you eating there?" Riley smirked and patted his stomach for added effect.
I pinched the bridge of my nose, "I can't go to see my mum often, only if I know my father is going to be out of the house. He has been working out of there a lot lately, so I have to look for some other options."
"Bastard fathers. I'd kill mine if he hadn't already been shot."
"No matter, life's fucked up anyways," I had enough small talk with Riley, now I was on to why I really stopped over to see him, "So, I noticed you were talking to a nice young lady before."
"Yeah, she sure is, well…wow! Girls like her make you wish you were actually on their playing level," Riley smirked and threw a glance at Parliament. I could hardly disagree with that statement.
"So…what was she talking to you about?"
"You sure are fucking nosey," Riley laughed and gave a little jab in the shoulder, "If you must know, she wanted to know what the hell we are doing out here."
"Hopefully you were a little more polite about it."
"Yeah, yeah. I sugared it all up for the pretty girl. Told her if she need any more knowledgeable information about us to find me."
"She was real sweet and all, didn't even make fun of me for being homeless. Seemed concerned, unlike most of these assholes who walk right by and never pay us any attention," Riley gestured out to the sidewalk across the road where all of the morning commuters strolled on by. Looking all polished in their suits and dress clothes, most made a point of looking anywhere except at the group of inferior people standing a few fucking feet away. I wanted to scream at them, my best mates died so you could fucking walk on that sidewalk and ignore us like we are filth.
I was done being a freak on display for the day, and turned to walk away without finishing my conversation with Riley. Fucker busted up my lip; I could leave when I wanted to without being polite.
I grabbed Mary and swung the strap over my back before Bree stopped me. She gave me a bag with a sandwich and apple inside even though I was leaving early. Tried to give it back to her saying I didn't deserve it since I was walking out before I was suppose to, but she wouldn't hear of it. Stuffed it in my arms and yelled at me in a shrill voice to stop being a wanker. Then she turned all sweet when I accepted it and told me to come visit her at the center soon. The world needs more people like Bree.
Free for the afternoon, I decided on a leisurely walk up Whitehall and stop at Trafalgar Square to sit in the shade of one of the four lion statues. It was a great place to people watch and just blend in. It was still warm for a fall day, so people where out in large numbers, playing more attention to the surroundings then the random mess of a man hunched over a brown paper bag.
To say the food tasted good was a fucking overstatement. The sandwich was stale, and the apple was bruised beyond belief. I wouldn't put it past Bree to have salvaged this crap from a dumpster. Despite that I ate it happily. Free food was good food.
I thought back to what Riley said about my Mum's cooking. He hit the nail right on the head. She could cook better then any fucking chef in this city. Gordon Ramsey, watch out—Esme Cullen has your number. The only thing I could never eat of hers was the haggis. Her Mum would cook it all the time when we would visit her out on the Isle of Skye in Scotland. Emmett and I would eat the crap, and then quickly excuse us to puke it all up. That shit is nasty. When we first bought the house in London, Mum tried to make it for us. That was when all of the Cullen men finally told her how horrid it tasted and how none ever stuck around in our stomachs for very long. She took the hint and the haggis recipes were forever banned from our home.
Nowadays, there were times when I was so desperate I would even consider eating haggis again. Who am I kidding, I would rather starve to death.
I thought about taking out Mary and playing a few songs to catch some loose change of the passerby's. It looked like there were some tourists out, and they usually gave good money. My theory was that the ones from small towns were the most skeptical about giving money because they assumed I would use it to buy beer and drugs. The people from larger cities, probably thought the same thing but figured it didn't matter and tossed a few coins in anyways.
I pulled her out and tuned her up a bit. I wasn't a fool, even though my clothes looked like crap, and my mop of a hair was greasy, I knew I had a pretty face. Throw on a sweet smile and the girls will come a flocking.
Mary was still in tune and I searched my head for a song to play. Upbeat songs brought in more cash. No one really wanted to hear the slow, painful music coming from someone who looked down on their luck. I usually only played that shit late at night when folks were coming out of the pubs and would empty their change no matter what you played. That was the time the music was about me. But when it was busy out, the music was about them.
Before I could play any of the usual money makers, I had to get one song off my chest. It had been stuck in my head for the last several days, and although it wasn't finished I had to get it out. It was the same song I was writing at the park when Bella ran by me the day before.
I was having a hard time writing the ending, when I saw Bella's gorgeous body coming down the path. The way her hair swept back and forth and her long tone legs hit the pavement I couldn't stop myself. The way she sang that crappy popular song from that wacked out American singer. I had to speak to her.
Bella caught me off guard when she actually stopped to talk to me. Okay, so I faked an injury to stop her, but she came back to check on me. The only thing I could think of was to apologize. I thought it was pretty fucking heroic of me since I have not apologized to anyone for my dumbass actions for years. But I sat there and apologized as she looked after me.
Then I had to go ruin my good mood by asking her about that fucker Mike. It was obvious that he wanted to get in Bella's pants the moment I saw him in their room. He was clean polished and being all gentlemanly, but anyone could see it in his eyes. He wanted Bella, and in theory he is the kind of guy she should have. Someone who is educated, acts well behaved, and has, well…a future.
Even if I left Bella at the park on a bad note for me, she helped me write a few good ones. I finished up the song, but now I could not get it out of my fucking head. So I put my pick to the strings and sang it out to the strangers in Trafalgar Square.
The piece wasn't so much about vocals, but the rise and fall of the guitar notes. It started off smooth and slow, which reminded me of Bella's perfect body and sweet voice. Then it picked up in a fury, like what she unleashed to me in the basement of MTH when she caught me playing piano, and again in our band practice. The fury lead way to excitement as I thought of when I kissed her. Her slap echoed in a mad thump against the wood of my guitar before finishing in a swell of hope. The final cords turned minor, as did my realization that I could never be with someone like Bella. The slow pains of my heart played out as the last notes faded into the crowed square.
I had closed my eyes when I played the piece, something I never do since I usually have to be vigilant of some fucker coming along and stilling my case with loose change dropped inside. But I let it go for this one moment, and when I opened them a small crowd had formed and was clapping. My case was not only filled with more notes then usual, it was filled with higher denomination notes. It seemed like the mere thought of Bella had an affect on people even when she was only present in song.
An older gentleman came and threw a couple quid into my case and winked, "Must be some girl," then he went over to a grey haired woman giving her a quick kiss and walking away.
Since the crowd was still there I played a few more upbeat popular songs and some began to join in. I quickly wrapped things up when I saw a bobbie coming across the road toward me. I really did not feel using the money I just earned to pay off a fine.
I decided to head on to visit Alice and see if I could take a shower at her place and get cleaned since I knew Bella was out. I was also curious to ask Alice if she knew what Bella was doing at Parliament. She was dressed quite nicely and obviously was not just taking a tour of the building.
I cursed my stupid brown leather shoes after I walked several more miles up to Regent's Park. My feet were sore, and since my socks were still wet from the night rain, the additional friction created a new set of blisters on my already callused feet. I ended up pulling my shoes and socks off and walking the last half-mile barefoot.
The sight of MTH was inviting. I slipped the borrowed key card into the door and let myself in. The door watchman did not even give me a passing glance; I was there so often he probably thought I was a resident. Running up the stairs I prayed that Alice was in her flat right now. If not, I could always go downstairs and punch away at the piano.
I knocked on Alice's door and heard her ever so light footsteps dance toward the door. She paused for a moment to check through the peephole, making me happy. I practically screamed at her the last time she failed to do that reminding her of the psychos that hung out in the streets of London and my first hand experience with many of them and how she was practically inviting them in to attack her.
A brief moment later the door swung open and she jumped out about to hug me before recoiling back.
"Sorry Edward, no hug today. You are filthy and I just bought this shirt," Alice smiled and I walked with her into the small flat, "So what brings you here today? Check-in isn't for a few days."
"Well…I was kind of hoping my favorite little sister would let me hang out here this afternoon and maybe take a shower?" She was right; I didn't need to check in until Saturday. My Mum and Alice's appointed time to make sure I was still alive and not stuffed in a dumpster somewhere. My other check-in time was band practice; Jasper would let Alice know I made it if she did not show up. It made Mum and Alice feel more at ease, even though I knew if I didn't show up, I was probably already dead and there was nothing they could do about it.
"Oh, Bella found this on a park bench yesterday, I believe it belongs to you?" Alice held out my pen. My eyes lit up as I snatched it back from her hands and stuffed it into my guitar case, "It looks like your clothes need to be washed to."
I nodded sheepishly while Alice went to her closet and pulled out what looked to be men's clothes in my size.
"Alice, please tell me these are not designer clothes. You know I literally got the shirt stolen off my back the last time I wore something nice."
She handed them over to me along with a towel and some shampoo, "It pains me, but I learned my lesson. These are, ugh, it hurts to even say it – from a department store."
I ran to the shower across the hall and took a very long shower. The warm water washing away not just the grime, but a little bit of the inadequacy I felt for being a screw-up. I hated that Alice probably thought I only visited her when I needed something. The truth was, I didn't visit her because I hated her having to see me be this fucking weak.
When I came back to Alice's flat, after scrubbing ever inch of my body, I walked in to find her packing up a satchel and talking on her mobile phone. She bounced around the room, grabbing random sketch books and tiny pieces of a fabric, shoving everything inside the bag.
"Sounds good, I want to do a preliminary fitting for dress…Yes today…How am I going to stay on schedule if we don't do it now…Of course…But there will have to be alterations…Just make sure the model is there…Ten minutes." Alice hung up her phone and turned to me, "Edward, I have to go to a fitting for one of my pieces that I am using at the Fall Fashion Show. Bella is probably not going to be back from her internship for another hour or so."
"Internship, is that what she was doing at Parliament?" I asked eager to find out some news on Bella.
"Yes she's interning there. Umm—how did you know that?" Alice turned and gave me her undivided attention for the first time since I stepped back in the room.
"Bree asked for some bodies to hold signs this morning at the protest and I saw her walk in," I shrugged looking at the ground. Alice knew who Bree was and exactly why she would ask me to be there today. Someone like me adds fuel to their crusade.
"So you didn't go there to talk to –"
"No," I cut Alice off, "I didn't even step inside the building. Do you honestly think I would go inside to see him. Bloody hell, I don't care if we are the same fucking blood, he doesn't give a crap about me!"
"Alright, alright," Alice came over and wrapped her arms around me. I realized I had started shaking after my mini outburst, "Just asking Edward. How about this, why don't you stay here and take a nap. My bed is up for grabs, and now that you don't smell I'll let you on it. Rest a little bit, maybe even go downstairs and play a little piano."
"That sounds good, thanks Alice."
"Jasper will be back from class in a couple of hours, by then I should be back from the fitting. Why don't the three of us go out for some dinner, okay?"
I nodded, and Alice gave me a kiss on the cheek before releasing me from her hug. For being such a tiny pixie, she sure knew how to placate her stupid older brother.
Alice grabbed her bag and left me alone in her flat. I went over to her bed intending to take my nap when my eyes slowly drifted over to Bella's side of the room. Whereas Alice's side was filled to the brim with crap, Bella's was uncluttered. I found myself rising from Alice's bed and walking over to Bella's bookshelf.
The only decoration she had were a few pictures unframed and sitting on the ledge. One was of her and an older man who I assumed was her father with the same brown hair and chocolate colored eyes. They were standing on the porch of a small white house and Bella was holding a large fish that she must have caught. The man was grinning ear to ear, holding a fishing pool in one hand while the other arm was wrapped around Bella. It looked like they had a loving relationship something that I used to think existed between my own father and me.
I turned to see Bella's bed was made and had the simple linens MTH provided. Before I could even stop myself, I walked over to the bed and lay down instantly smelling the sweet strawberry fragrance of Bella on the pillow. I felt like a fourteen-year-old boy grabbing that pillow and pulling it to my face imagining it was the girl of my dreams.
Just imagining it was her I drifted off into the best sleep I had in years.
A noise woke me up, it wasn't loud, but it was enough to startle me. And since I've been in the middle of some fucked up situations, it usually takes a lot more then a little tinkle to startle me.
It wasn't so much the noise as the realization that I had fallen asleep in Bella's bed that brought me back to consciousness. Alice said she would be back in about an hour. I glanced at the wall clock on her side of the room. I slept for an hour and a half.
Bella is at the door.
"Bloody hell," I muttered to myself before jumping from the bed, quickly smoothing over the covers before running to the door.
I opened the door to find Bella bending down to pick up her keys, "Thanks Alice I wanted to ask you—"
I immediately panicked and said the first thing that came to mind, "Hi Bella, I was waiting for you."
Crap, that came out sounding like I was a fucking psycho stalker who was about to lure her in before doing her in. I had to fix this situation quickly.
"Umm…Alice asked to meet me here to go out for dinner but she is running late at a… at a dress fitting!" I was full of crap, "Do you want to come with us?"
"Sure, I didn't have any plans," Bella walked past me at the door and dropped a bag off onto her desk. She sat on the edge of her bed and tore off the shoes she was wearing before rubbing her feet, "You know your sister has a wicked sense of humor forcing these death traps onto me."
"Alice is a wicked and conniving woman. I never bet against her though, she always seems to get things spot on."
"Well, she obviously does not know me well enough to understand how bad high heals are to accident prone person like me."
"So, how did she convince you to wear these," I said pointed at the midnight blue heals that looked damn fantastic on her delicate feet.
Bella looked slightly embarrassed before answering, "She—she hid all of my other shoes while I as taking a shower."
I couldn't help but laugh. Bella looked at me with an exasperated expression, and I could sympathize. When Alice put her mind toward something she became an unstoppable force of nature.
The room phone rang and Bella started to look for it. She dove under a pile of Alice's sketch books and triumphantly held it in the air when she rose from the clutter.
"Hi Alice…Sure, I can go to dinner with you and Jasper…I actually had something I wanted to ask you anyway …Where do you want to eat?...Oh, yeah. Edward's still here…Wait, you can't go to dinner now?... But half a minute ago you were good…Alright…might stay where?… Bye Alice," Bella hung up the phone and turned toward me with a confused expression.
"Sounds like Alice isn't coming back."
"It was the strangest thing, one moment she was giving me directions to a restaurant to meet her at, the next she suddenly couldn't make it. Sorry Edward, I guess your supper plans with her and Jasper are cancelled."
I was disappointed; I knew she would have treated me for dinner. It would have been nice to just hang out with her and Jasper for a bit. My hand went to my pocket and I felt the small wad of money I earned earlier at Trafalgar Square. It wasn't much, but enough for a couple meals.
"Bella, could I take you to supper? It would be my treat."
"I kind of want to stay close to MTH," Bella bit her lip and then smiled at me, "Why don't we go to the student café and I can use my meal plan. If I don't use up my extra meal points there, I'll just spend them at the bar upstairs anyways. And you've had the unfortunate experience of seeing me after a night in a pub."
I didn't want to impose on Bella, but she was already grabbing a light jacket, "Sure, sounds swell," Swell Cullen? I sound like a fucking pansy. Bella must have thought so too because she giggled.
"Before we go, can you help me find where Alice hid my shoes?" We searched for about ten minutes before I found then stuffed above a ceiling tile. When Bella asked how I thought to look there I had to admit that Alice learned that trick from me. I didn't go into details on why I need to know how to hide something in the ceiling; some thing's are better left a mystery.
We walked down to the student café at ISH and started loading our trays from the À la carte line. Not wanting to impose I only grabbed a sandwich. Bella looked at it and frowned before adding a salad, some fruit, and a juice container. Before I could protest she grabbed my tray and hers and headed to the checkout line. Making me follow her to a table in the back.
"Bella, that wasn't necessary, maybe I'm not that hungry," I tried to reason with her.
"I could hear your stomach growling since we left MTH. Why can't guys just accept when girls treat," she muttered something like 'stupid chivalry' under her breath before digging into a pasta salad.
"I'm sorry Bella," there I did it again, fucking apologizing, "I didn't mean to upset you."
"It's alright Edward, I just had an interesting time at my internship this morning and I'm taking it out on you," Bella picked at her food for a moment before looking up at me through her long eyelashes, "I should be apologizing to you for acting so rude."
The look in her eyes was sincere and warm. I felt like I could trust her, I wondered if I could trust her with my secret. Quickly, I aborted that idea. I didn't want her pity and I certainly didn't want her to think I was even more of a fucking screw up.
We held a comfortable conversation; Bella asked me a lot of questions about living in London and recommendations of things she should see. I gave the usual standard responses, the Tower of London, Westminster Abbey and the British Museum. But then I few lesser know sites like the Imperial War Museum , the Docklands and the Lord's Mayor Parade in a couple months.
I felt relaxed around Bella, and seemed to forgive me for my sudden kissing outburst. To make me even more excited to be with her, she pulled out a slice of chocolate cake from her tray.
"I can go get you your own, but I couldn't finish it all on my own anyways," she smiled and handed me a fork.
"This is fucking perfect," I smiled as I practically inhaled every morsel. When I looked up at Bella figuring I looked like a disgusting slob, she just smiled and put down her fork, sitting back in her chair and rubbing her belly.
"I'm stuffed," Bella announced proudly. I nodded in agreement. It dawned on me that our dinner was going to be up soon and she would head back to her flat. I felt normal around Bella and I wanted to keep that illusion going, even for a little while longer. I grabbed both our trays to empty them and decided to man up for once.
"Have you been to the Rose Garden in Regent's Park yet?" Bella shook her head, "It's just a short walk away, would it be alright if we went over there?"
"Sounds nice, I don't have anything else to do today except some research for my internship. But that can wait a bit," and then Bella did me in. She bit that fucking little perfect bottom lip of hers. It took every ounce of strength I had not to ravish her there on one of those sticky café tables. I knew I was a sick masochist to begin with, taking her on a walk when I couldn't even touch her. God knows I wanted to, but I couldn't stop myself from being near her.
I led Bella out the door and toward the park. We didn't have far to walk, and I knew a little bit of my masculinity died the moment I decided to voluntarily go to a glorified flower garden. But damn it, Bella deserved to be around some fucking flowers.
We were mostly quiet on the way there, but it wasn't uncomfortable. I fought the urge to hold her hand, but figured that was going a bit far. Instead I stuffed my hands in my pocket and started humming a tune. It took a moment before I realized that a gorgeous voice accompanied me.
"Alas my love, you do me wrong/To case me off discourteously/For I have loved you well and long/Delighting in your company—" Bella's soft voice rose and fell with such tender strength.
Bella shrugged, "My mom used to sing it to me when I was little. Sometimes she would just hum it, and every once and a while she would sing the lyrics. I always thought it was beautiful, almost magical."
"Did you know that in some translations of The Canterbury Tales, green was the color of lightness in love," I said trying to pull some of my limited intelligence to the conversation. Bella mumbled something and her face flushed, "What did you say?"
"Like your eyes—your eyes are a piercing green," I blush spread across her face and I couldn't help but chuckle and smile. Bella liked my eyes. If only she knew what kind of horrific things these eyes have seen.
"Well, your voice does the song justice," the words slipped out of my mouth. Damn mental filter went out the fucking window. Seeing as I am already going to hell, I gently put my hand into Bella's. The moment our skin touched I felt a bolt of electricity fly through my body. I had never felt anything like that before. She didn't pull away; instead she secured the grip and continued to stare forward. The electricity did not go away, instead it continued on in a slow hum.
Bella and I walked in comfortable silence for a few minutes, the physical connection comforting. The park was filled with pedestrians, but I tuned them out and imagined us alone here. I contemplated getting us lost so we could spend more time just holding onto one and another, but the entrance to the garden came into view and Bella pulled me along.
It was the end of the flower season and everything was in bloom. The smells of the different varieties of blooms filled the air, but I was a little fucking annoyed that they were blocking out the scent of Bella. I took it upon myself to lean in a little closer to her and smell her hair.
"Did you just sniff me?" Bella tilted her head back and looked into my eyes.
"I—um —I—" Bella looked at me expectantly and all I could mutter was, "Aye."
Bella pulled me along to the next small flower section turning her attention to a yellow rose, " I shouldn't be surprised. You did taste my lips already, I suppose smelling is next. What sense are you going to use next Edward?"
"Touch," I slapped me free hand to my mouth. Bella whirled around in a frenzy and her wide eyes spoke volumes. Bloody hell, she was going to murder me with that stare. Her mouth dropped and I wanted to take it back, all of it. I wanted her to think I was a normal man and not some creep who was following her around like a puppy. I wanted her to know I cared about her—
I fucking cared about Bella.
That is no good. None of this is good. I have nothing I can offer her except baggage. It was too late anyways, by the look on her face I scared her away. She was going to tell me I was an arse. I deserved it too. Bella was too fucking perfect for a shithead like me.
"Why did you really yell as me when you were playing the piano at MTH?" That was definitely not the words I was expecting to come out of her mouth. I noticed she still had her hand in mine and she was leading us over to a bench just outside of the garden.
We sat down still hand-in-hand. I had only met this girl a few short days ago and her very presence sucked me in. I couldn't deny her anything, but to tell her the truth—I don't think could survive the letdown. After I told her, she would know what a monster I truly was and would run away from me. A few fucking days and my life turned upside down.
Bella obviously did not know anything about my past or present. Alice was always too kind to divulge that information. She usually didn't have to though, my sap story made the papers before thanks to my father's position and fame. I was the sore mark on my family's good name. But Bella, she had no idea what had been written in the British tabloids, the articles that made front-page news in the Financial Times. She would find out sooner or later seeing as she was interning in Parliament, it was probably best if the story came from me.
For the first time in a long time I felt ashamed of what I had become. Not all if it was due to my own circumstances, but much of it was a result of my own choices. I had to live with this life, but sitting next to Bella was the first time that I truly regretted every decision I had made. It was time to come clean. I turned on the bench and looked into Bella's eyes. I wanted to trust her.
"I was mad that someone heard a piece that was so personal, but that wasn't the real reason for my unreasonable outburst. Being caught down there could mean I lost my time with the piano. I didn't recognize you and thought you were one of the MTH employees."
Bella looked at me confused, "I don't understand."
"It will make more sense if I explain something to you first, please try to listen before you jump in?" Bella nodded and I took a deep breath before continuing on, "Bella, I'm homeless. I have been for almost two years now."
"But your family lives in London—" I held up a hand to silence here, "Sorry, go on."
"Yes, my family lives in London now. But I cannot live with my parents because my father and I are estranged. My Mum has me check in occasionally, but only when father is not home,
"I am technically not supposed to be at MTH, I'm not a student. But Alice was able to snatch her old roommate's key card when she left. I come in to play the piano occasionally, or take a shower. Obviously getting caught would result in losing my safety net. That day I thought if maybe I scared you away, you wouldn't think to check and see if I was enrolled student. I felt so bad about how I acted though that I tried to follow and apologize, but you were already gone."
"So if you are homeless, where do you sleep, keep your things?" I could almost feel her start to pity me, and that is something I did not want.
"The only thing I own is my guitar, which is right now sitting in your flat. Oh, and the pen that you found, thank you for that Bella. As for where I sleep, well you found me yesterday morning just after I woke up. Sometimes if the weather gets too bad, Jasper will hunt me down and force me to stay at his place."
"But what about tonight, they said we were probably going to have rain showers," Bella's concern was evident in her voice.
"Bella, it always rains. This is London. The rain doesn't bother me that much anymore. If I get really tired of it I can try and go to the local shelter and see if there are any empty beds."
"You can stay in my flat tonight."
I started to get angry, I didn't need anyone's charity, "I won't impose on my sister and you. I got into this mess, and bloody hell I will find my way out of it!" I tried to let go of her hand and move from the bench, but she held on tight. She was feisty, but I managed to pull away.
"You listen to me Edward, I told you off once and I will do it again. If you would have listened to me, you would have discovered that Alice is going to stay at Jasper's tonight and her bed is free. She said it was yours for the night, and I had no idea why she would say that until now," I stood frozen for a moment before Bella grabbed my hand again, "Now show me the rest of the fucking garden."
Bella and I walked together quietly. She would go one way or spot something in another direction, but she always pulled me with her. It was almost like she thought if we lost contact I would bolt and run away.
That was semi-true, except she had one thing I needed, my guitar. I could try and wait to get it back from Alice when Bella left the flat the next day, but there was no telling when I would be able to get it. I had never slept on the street without Mary.
If I was being honest with myself I also didn't think I could disconnect the electric current between Bella and my hands either. When I did it back at the bench it almost physically hurt me to be even an inch away from her. I had no idea what kind of fucking witchcraft she was using, but I was under its spell.
When we covered the grounds Bella led me back to MTH. We hadn't said another word since my outburst, and I knew that I should apologize. I was always fucking apologizing to Bella. As if she could feel my tension, her thumb began rubbing circles on my hand in a comforting motion. It was the most soothing touch I have felt in years. I wanted to know what was going through her mind. She was letting a homeless man sleep in the same room as her unattended. She knew nothing about me other then I was Alice's brother.
And yet she trusted me.
Her faith in me was more then I could ask for. Shit, she had no idea how much it meant to me. Trust is what had been ground into me for so long, and then to have everyone take it away, well— it broke me.
We walked without saying a single word. It was getting dark, and I hadn't realized how late it was getting. Bella silently scanned her key card, and turned her head to smile at me. All the while our hands never broke their hold. She opened the door to her flat and I couldn't help but ask her.
"Bella, are you sure you want me to stay here tonight?" Part of me wanted her to say no, to send me away. I shouldn't be anywhere near her with my problems, my past. But the greedy side of me wanted her to keep me there. Wanted her to desire my presence. I was a selfish man.
"Edward," Bella almost whispered as she finally dropped my hand. I didn't want to hear her rejection through the quiet tambour of her voice, "I trust you."
"Why?" I couldn't hold back my shock at hearing those words.
"To be honest, if you wanted to take advantage of me, you already could have," Bella took a step closer to me, "The night you carried me home from Peter's pub. I remember bits and pieces—this is so embarrassing."
I couldn't help but smirk. I remembered that night too, but I was fucking greedy and I wanted her to say it, "You remember what?"
"You're going to make me say it, aren't you," I feigned ignorance, "Fine, I remember the key incident."
That was what I was waiting for, the blush. That over the top, brighter then a rose bush, make you want to dance the fucking jig, perfect blush.
"I have never done something like that before, and you acted very much like a gentleman."
"You certainly did not make it easy for me."
"Well, I appreciate it. And I want you to have a dry place to sleep tonight. Think of it as a thank you."
I couldn't stop myself before my hand went up to her face and stroked her cheek. The small contact was enough to excite me. But I couldn't lose my control with Bella, and I quickly pulled back.
"Thank you," the whisper came out of my mouth and she smiled at me.
"I am going to go change into my night clothes in the bathroom, you might as well get comfy," Bella turned and grabbed a t-shirt and sweatpants before retreating out of the room.
I striped down to my boxer shorts, and climbed into Alice's bed. Somehow the bright pink comforter pulled me back to earth from the high of touching Bella's skin. Every piece of masculinity that I had left jumped out the window when I put my mop of hair on the butterfly pillow. I was a fucking fairy. Shit, I didn't care as long as I was in the same room as Bella.
Bella walked back into the room and I almost jumped up and pulled her into the bed with me. Even a plain old t-shirt looked regal on her body. She must have caught me starring at her because the blush came back and she darted over to her bed and under the covers. Her delicate hand reached over to the switch by her head and she turned off the room light.
"Goodnight Edward."
"Goodnight my Bella."
The gunfire came from behind and I crouch in the corner of the room holding my ground. It is night and the faint glow of the moon let a small crack of light wash over the contents of the space.
Two men are on the floor sprawled out. I crawl over and feel for a pulse on the first. Nothing. Coldness. The same with the second man.
Two men that I shared a meal with just an hour before are now killed. I pull myself away and crawl back to the entranceway. There must be a way out, but the way we came in is now blocked, and the gunman came from the only other entrance.
Loud sounds come from outside the building. Vehicles pull up on the other side of the wall. A rush of men try to enter the building.
The gunshots begin again and I take my chance to leave the room. I ignore the dead; there isn't anything I can do for them now. Instead I run into the corridor and pray to God that the gunman has left. I turn toward the exit and face the barrel of the same gun that has just killed. On the other end of the barrel is the shooter is what can only be thought of as a child no more then fifteen years old. He isn't a child anymore, he is a killer and he pulls back on the trigger.
My only saving grace is that he trembles and the shot misses the main target of my body and only grazes the side. I feel the warm blood begin to depart the wound. He looks to take aim again, but before he is successful in taking down his mark, I raise my gun. Unlike him, my aim never falters.
"Edward!" How could the young man know my name?
"NO!"
"Edward wake up!" I felt small warm hands take hold of my face. My instinct told me to jump up and defend myself. But when I opened my eyes to a startled Bella I immediately tried to calm myself, "Are you alright?"
I pulled Bella close to me, of all the times I had this nightmare, this was the first time that I felt consoled. It took me a moment to realize that I was shaking and slightly breathless. Having her in my arms calmed my heart rate and brought me back to reality.
"You were screaming Edward, are you alright?"
"It was—it was a bad dream."
"Do you want to talk about it?" I was relieved that Bella didn't pull back, instead she laid her head onto my shoulder.
"I am—," a monster. That was the truth, but I couldn't push Bella way. I need her there at my side, "—tired. Maybe in the morning? Right now I just need to rest."
"Okay," I could hear the skepticism in her voice as she started to stand up. Before I could stop myself I reached out for her hand.
"Will you stay with me?" The words showed my vulnerability. I never let myself so out in the open. Living on the streets a weakness like that was easily exploited. My brain wanted to stand guard, but Bella's very presence made me stay at ease and break down my calloused barrier.
Bella didn't answer out loud; instead she just nodded her head and sunk back into my grasp. I wrapped my arms around her and we laid in silence. With Bella's hair sprayed out on the butterfly pillow, I finally felt my masculinity start to charge back up.
It only took a few minutes before her body slacked and her breath steadied. My eyes followed the soft curve of her nose and the tiny freckle on her left cheek. Her soft strawberry scent filled me up so much more then the pillow from her bed from earlier when I napped on her bed. Bella in real life lying in my arms was simply perfect, her body molding perfectly into my grasp.
"Beautiful music," Bella mumbled.
"Are you still awake?" No response. Bella's eyes began to move quickly behind her lids. She was deep asleep and giving me a little peak into her subconscious.
"Edward."
Oh Bella, you cannot have me in your dreams. The only person in the world who doesn't see me as the monster I am. She is also the person that I wished would stay away from me for her own good. I should get up and walk out of the room and leave her and my sister alone for good. A noble man would leave.
But I was no noble man. I was a selfish bastard. And this selfish bastard had his arms around Bella. Bloody brilliant.
I wondered if Bella would ask me again about my nightmares in the morning. Even more then that, I wanted to know what exactly she heard me say in my sleep. The last time I stayed at Jasper's place he casually mentioned how vivid my dreams were. He was always kind in his comments, never passing judgment on me.
But when I slept at Jasper's place I never had this kind of comfort to get me threw the nightmares. Most of the time he just slept through my outbursts and I would lay away, scared shitless to fall back asleep. But here in Bella's arms I felt safe. She couldn't weigh much over a hundred pounds dripping wet, yet she was protecting a grown man from his insanity.
For the first time in years I slept and the only thing I dreamt of was lying in a bed and holding my Bella.
I guess you could call it a dream come true.
