Chapter 9:
A.N: Thanks for all the reviews! Guess summer reading is going on hold. To address some certain points raised up:
Yeah, I agree that checkpoints would make the struggle less important. I'll just glaze over the things that are repeated so you don't have to read the same thing over and over and bore you guys.
I get nervous when I write humor, so thanks for the compliments!
Thor94: You're right, dude. I was planning to have pairings but it was hard to mix it with the plot, so I put it on hold right now. You can't put three genres so I put humor on hold, but I switched them now. And if you have a problem with my humor, just don't read. And I know its not 100% serious. I want it to be a mix, I'm sorry if I made it so it seemed like a non-serious comedy. Besides, why so serious?
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It took a while, but he had the mind walk down pat. Ok, maybe not, but he could get it to work most of the time. If it weren't for the fact that he was much more experienced than the average genin, he'd be hopelessly confused. Not that he wasn't confused anyway, but he got he got the basic concept. You had to send your inner consciousness embalmed in chakra to prevent it from dissipating by establishing physical contact with the target's head. Luckily, he had some experience with similar circumstances by having his mindscape containing Kurama. Speaking of Kurama…he missed his recently made friend. He hadn't had much time to focus his attention on his missing half. It didn't help that D- rank mission littered in between, along with rejections for training from Kakashi-sensei. He was almost at his limit.
Well, it was time. With the new jutsu he would be able to be stronger, more noticed and not be forced to kill himself when things went wrong. He usually required sufficient motivation to get going, and few things pressed him as much as the thought of repeating the whole grueling cycle again.
Well, he had to find his sensei. But how? Aside from bumping into him, Naruto had never actually tried to find the elusive jounin. What attracted him from his daily life? The only thing he seemed to enjoy as a hobby was reading Jiraiya's smut. Hmm. The only other obsession he had was keeping his face hidden. He remembered tailing his sensei to try to see when he would take it off, but he had constantly eluded them. Maybe he could sacrifice a loop to see what it was…eh not worth it. Only if he knew he was going to loop he would try.
But hold on! He suddenly recalled one of the times that the sharingan wielder had evaded them. What was it? Oh yeah! He was all excited about his makeout paradise book, and then he turned out to see something. Something about having to order tickets in advance? Maybe it was a movie. Ha, well he knew what to do now.
Five minutes later, he and his shadow clones had successfully posted notes about a preview for the next book in the icha icha series. He waited in the disclosed location with a slip of paper he had quickly jotted down. He knew enough during his training with pervy sage to write a few tidbits that would probably catch Kakashi's interest. He would give it to him as compensation if he succeeded.
It was almost sad how fast he suddenly heard footsteps rapidly approaching him.
Kakashi had swiftly arrived, uncharacteristically eager. His eye drooped when he saw Naruto. He had ditched a meeting with the Hokage for this? Oh man, he was going to hear some choice words if the third found out.
"Hey, Kakashi-sensei!"
Said man looked up at his in depression.
"Naruto, was this an elaborate plot to get me to train you? I told you, teamwork first. And this is very immature of you to deceive me like this!" Aw who cared about that. He was really just upset that his hopes had been lifted and then crushed.
"Oh haha, don't worry sensei. I actually do have a preview! Here, come closer and lean your head toward me. Anyway, I was just thinking…'MIND WALK JUTSU'!" Naruto leapt at his teacher and activated the jutsu. He found himself in his teacher's mind.
"YESS! IT WORKED!" Now, to find the elusive jutus's he needed. Where to go? He really was a novice at this, he had no idea what to do. Maybe walk, or he guessed floating towards the brighter patch of the weird world of his sensei's mind would do something. Only after taking 3 steps he met a barrier that smacked him in the conker, and he was swept off his feet to land in the real world again.
"Uh, Naruto, you ok?" All the jounin knew was that his student just leapt at him and touched his head before falling on the ground moaning.
Was that some kind of mental defense mechanism? Look at Kakashi-sensei, he doesn't even look fazed. Is he faking? Unknown to the blonde, his paltry attempt at the mind walk jutsu had been so weak the jounin hadn't even noticed he had repelled it.
"ugh…Oh yeah I'm fine hahaha...oh yeah, here's the preview."
"Naruto, this looks like a scribbled note from an academy class."
"Uhhh that's probably because the author was quickly jotting ideas. I saw it drop out of Perv- I mean a white haired old man's pocket.
Master Jiraiya? This must be authentic then! The jounin mask spread in what appeared to be a wide grin and he embraced his student.
"Thank you so much Naruto! You have no idea how much this means to me, heck I'll even teach you a jutsu!"
"Really? Wow thanks!"
"Yeah, I got to go though, right now. You need your rest after putting up all those poster I bet." Kakashi practically skipped away, holding up the note in glee and giggling.
Naruto sweat dropped. Need my rest my ass. I shouldn't have given him that sneak peek. He's probably going to be reading that for the rest of today.
It was time for a new plan. And to cry. A lot. His sacrifice of his mind's sanity after his payment to Ino had been for nothing.
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Naruto let out a sigh of defeat. He held back tears at the tragic sight. His frog wallet was empty, kaput, devoid of a single ryo. Why? The answer lay at his feet. 10 bags of sweet, syrupy dango. It was time to enter the lion's den. The seductive, sex-crazed sadistic lioness's den. Hoo boy.
KNOCK KNOCK
His hand trembled a bit as he knocked in trepidation of what awaited him.
The door swung open, revealing a scantily dressed, sexy, purple headed kunoichi.
"Uhh hey um…euuhhh…A-aunty Anko…"
"Aunty? What's with the name, kid?"
Oh shit. He'd forgotten that he had looped last time, meaning her session with him hadn't happened. Well, it still left its mark on him!
"Um, I meant hey there Anko…do you think you could help me with some interrogation techniques? Like getting information out of people?"
"And why would I do that?"
He nudged the 10 bags of her favorite treat with his foot at her. Stars appeared in her eyes and she started bawling in joy.
"Oh my sweet babies! Come here, Momma's gonna take good care of ya!" She looked at Naruto and beamed. She was liking this kid!
"Alright kid, who's this interrogation for?"
"umm do you need to know?"
"Uh, kinda, yeah."
"It's for Kakashi-sensei."
"WHAT?! Why? Isn't he your teacher?"
"I guess, but he won't teach me anything so I was going to interrogate the shit out of him to get some jutsu."
Hmmm Im really starting to like this kid. He's got potential, and I do need a test subject for my pleasure techniques.
"Alright, tell you what kid, I'll help you. On two conditions."
"Oh come on! I wasted my life savings on that dango!"
"Yeah and I'm risking my career to help you. Now, I want you to promise never to tell anyone of this."
"O…k?"
"And…I want you to be my test subject!"
"Oh hell no!" Never again!
"Alright then, maybe I should go visit your sensei and tell him a tale of a certain jutsu-stealing brat."
Oh that was it. He'd force it out of her if he had to. He had her techniques after all, from the torture he had endured that had never happened…ugh that was confusing.
"Infinite ecstasy jutsu!" Ha, let's see how the witch bitch liked her own medicine!
Anko was writhing on the ground seemingly in pleasure. Until she sat up and smirked.
"Did you think that I wouldn't be protected from my own techniques?"
How did the brat learn that jutsu? I thought I came up with it. Hmm, maybe he's a secret pervert! Although how a novice like him came up with that jutsu is beyond me. Ah, whatever. All it meant was that her test subject had just become much more interesting. Hell, they could have even more fun haha.
Naruto panicked. How had he not thought of that? Oh man, he had to escape. He'd find another way to get jutsu. It wasn't worth it!
"Haha, just kidding! I've really got to go though, so enjoy the dango its on m-"
"Cellular orgasm jutsu!"
Naruto had one last thought before exploding in pleasure. This was a terrible mistake.
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Once again, our hero is found outside Anko's doorstep shivering. Who knew that each individual cell could have an orgasm? He felt like his insides had been blended after the excruciatingly pleasant sensation had stopped. Not to mention the other techniques.
Earlier:
Naruto woke up to a familiar scene. Only this time, he was chained to a bed in a lit up room. Anko was downing stick after stick of Dango. She saw her captive awake, and decided to have some fun.
"Oh, Naruto-kun. I seem to have this awfully sticky syrup all over my face, and I just can't get it off. Be a good little genin and lick it off for me?"
"Hell no! Get away from me you snake pedo!"
"Why you little-" Anko was annoyed. She wasn't that old, was she? And anyway, he was a genin now, a ninja. That put him, according to jurisdiction, as an adult.
"Well, if you do, I'll put in all my efforts to help you get your sensei's jutsu."
Naruto contemplated. Unknown to her, he'd done much more than just licking her face in the past. Well, to her it had never happened. Well, whatever, he'd do it. It wasn't that he didn't find her attractive, he just didn't like being forced. And hell, he barely knew this woman!
"Fine. But that's it, ok?"
"No promises." The special jounin smirked and walked over to Naruto. She leaned over expectantly. Naruto wrinkled his face and hesitantly stuck his tongue out, licking the sweet sauce off her face. Then, she suddenly lunged down and captured his tongue with her own. Naruto just gave in, he knew what would happen if he resisted. Well, that was the second time he'd gotten his first kiss from Anko. The one with Sasuke didn't count!
Anko moaned a little and drew away, licking her lips.
"Well, brat that was pretty good. I guess I can help you now."
"Eww…yeah whatever. What interrogation techniques are you going to teach me?"
"None. I have a plan."
"Ok?" Damn, Naruto had planned to use the jutsu's for other people as well. (In the present: Well, at least he'd gained some more pleasure techniques from his second session. Although having them forced on him wasn't his preferred learning method.)
"Now, listen up. What does Kakashi treasure above all else?"
"uh…teamwork?"
"No! His porn novels!"
"Oh yeah that too."
"So, all you got to do is sneak into his house, grab them, and threaten to burn them if he won't cooperate!"
"Hm, that's a pretty good plan. Except for the fact that HE'S A MOTHER FUCKING JOUNIN AND I'M STILL A FRIGGIN GENIN! How do you expect me to manage to steal his most treasured possessions?"
"I'll teach you the body flicker jutsu in case you need to escape, and some infiltration techniques to get in."
"Alright! Now, can you let me go so we can begin?"
"Haha, nice try kid. You still need to owe up on your payment." The Mitarashi kunoichi licked her lis.
"After all, a kid who managed to find a jutsu like the infinite ecstasy jutsu couldn't possibly not enjoy what I'm about to do."
"W-wait I didn't ma- AHHH"
Yup, Anko had found the perfect test subject.
Back to present:
Naruto trembled again. Anko had been even more ruthless this time, as she thought he had made the ecstasy jutsu. True, if he had he would want nothing else than what he had just gone through, but he had learned that from Anko! Not that she'd ever believe that.
Well, it was time to use the fruits of his suffering and work. Kakashi would be in for a surprise, and Naruto, well Naruto was going to learn more jutsu than he had his whole life. Now, time to try out those infiltration techniques. Oh, and find some clothes. He was stark naked.
O_o
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Hope you enjoyed! After the wave arch, I'm going to focus more on training and the plot than humor, although I might add more Anko visits and some pairings. Review please.
