Author's Note: I again wanna thank everyone for your support! Uni is starting up again so updates are going to slow down. For now, enjoy!
viii. they without faith
He spent an increasing amount of time with Tifa and grew to sort of enjoy her company. However, as the days passed, she became more skittish, and he was back to his normal, crazy self again, swearing that he could hear helicopters, and being woken up by the sound of 'imaginary' gunfire.
It was their last night at the Shildra Inn. Cissnei, whilst still not remembering her past clearly, grew to trust them all and was well enough to be moved to the Highwind and out of Cosmo Canyon. As it were, they were all ready to go in the morning, and she, Yuffie and Marlene had gone to sleep. Cid was doing the final checks on the ship.
The inn was empty, aside from the pair and the barkeep. Tifa wanted to give her a few tips, but she held her silence and enjoyed the Cosmo Candle drink that she was given. She watched as Reno inspected his glass for any cracks or chips, because he seemed to be uncomfortable drinking from them, for whatever reason. Just another piece of his finicky nature.
Although she had been speaking to him a lot in the past few days, she did not learn anything new about him, and that made her uneasy. How could someone talk so much and yet reveal nothing? She had told him about her early life and he was generally unresponsive, and yet when she asked, he would never say anything about himself.
"Marlene's getting better at summoning, yo," Reno began, running his fingers around the rim of the glass. He huffed and bounced his leg, glancing at the martial artist, "She can actually conjure Bahamut for a few moments before he fades. The kid needs more practice but I think she'll be good to fight soon."
"She's not going to fight with us," Tifa hissed firmly.
And as always, he laughed, "You know what I'm trying to say."
Tifa rolled her eyes and rubbed her temples. She knew that Marlene needed to know how to defend herself, but that didn't mean she was completely comfortable with the child learning how to summon. It was a tough job – besides, what if Bahamut turned on her? It was something she didn't want to think about.
What was worse was that she knew that, if Marlene was able to learn how to regularly summon, she would be another asset, like Reno. An ally with the power to help bring back the days of the sun, where there was relative peace and no fear of the One Winged Angel.
Reno suddenly shoved her shoulder. Tifa looked back incredulously, "What?"
"You had worry lines on your face. Stop fuckin' worrying."
The harshness of his comment made her stop. Her shoulders slouched forward and she silently sighed. It was hard not to worry. It really was.
"...I like that you don't judge me," he remarked slowly, pushing the glass back to the barkeep and asking for another Cosmo Candle beverage. It smelt like alcohol, it tasted like alcohol, and it was a welcome change. She watched him, "Makes me feel like you have a bit of faith in what I know and what I can do, yo."
When he tried to raise the refilled glass to his mouth, he found that his hand was trembling far too much. The liquid was sloshing around in its confinement, and he was bound to spill it – so he put it down and waited for the shakes to somewhat settle. He laughed.
Tifa smiled a little at his deranged amusement, "You're like a wild scale, Reno. One minute you're alright. You're calm, thoughtful and human. The next, you're irate, inconsiderate and monstrous. Regardless of your 'sickness' and behind your 'iron mask', I'd like to think that you're trying to find a balance – that is what I have faith in."
He laughed, and she couldn't tell if it was at her, at himself, or at nothing. He finally managed to pick up the glass without trembling as much, and, victoriously, he took a long gulp. Once done, he looked to the martial artist, the corner of his lip curving upward, "There's something you're not telling me, yo."
"You're holding out on me too," she replied softly, looking down to her own drink.
It must've been the drink messing with his head a little, but when he looked around the vicinity and found that it was still entirely empty, he leant forward and murmured against her ear, "I'll tell if you do."
If he were a little more observant, a little less unfocused, he would've noticed that before Tifa nodded, she hesitated for several long moments. As it was, the drink was much too interesting to him, and he scratched the side of his face because the ringing, as always, remained, "There's a two things that Sephiroth's mainly interested in when it comes to me.
"The first is codes and passwords. Did you know that before meteor happened, the scientific division was working on something top secret?" he paused, "Wait, let me clarify – top secret in regards to Sephiroth? Yo, and they were almost done. All the research was done, tests were being carried out on small creatures, and yeah. They were workin' on something to break his molecular structure, so that he literally didn't exist. How crazy is that?"
Tifa hid her true emotions well. She didn't know whether to believe him.
"What this serum thing would do is break down the mako and Jenova cells in whoever it was injected into. So in theory, it could take apart SOLDIERs – but they were gonna use it on Sephiroth. He wants the codes to research so he can either change the contents, or get rid of 'em altogether, yo. Everyone else that knew this information is dead, either by their own hand or his.
"This was only a second resort, though. Somethin' that powerful was also really risky. There's something else the scientists were gonna attempt first, because 'breaking molecular structures' is tricky shit. I wouldn't know though, that's not exactly my department... But this is where the second piece of information is!"
And for a true dramatic effect, he leaned back in, his cracked lips brushing against Tifa's earlobe, and she shivered.
"I know where the last WEAPONs are."
She froze, "The WEAPONs?"
He smiled, and it was genuine, "All three of them."
"You know where the WEAPONs are? The creatures of the Planet, designed to kill Jenova or any other major threat?" she turned in her seat and looked as he asked for another drink, because it made him feel 'warmer than I've been inside in years', "They wanted to use them against Sephiroth?"
He nodded, cursing thereafter because he realised that one of his fingernails had broken. And so, he began to bite the rest of them to the same length, speaking as he did so, "The plan was to direct the WEAPONs to Sephiroth. Two years ago, they couldn't sense him, hence the rampage. Now, it could be different, but they weren't certain."
The information was almost overwhelming. She ran her fingers through her hair and took a large gulp of her drink before exhaling, "Well, I can see why he wants you dead. How long were you going to keep those secrets? When were you going to tell me this?"
"When I knew that you had faith in me," Reno answered.
He pulled his hand away from his mouth, observed his fingers and, satisfied, moved them to smooth out the wrinkles in his pants. He looked to Tifa, whose face was growing paler by the second. He furrowed his eyebrows, "I've told my secret, now you tell me yours."
He watched her tuck some of her hair behind her ear, and paid no mind to how she would only look at the table before her. She sat a little taller and spoke, knowing that what she would tell him would change things. Still, the letters fell easily from her mouth, "Cloud's alive."
From the corner of her eye, she saw nothing cross his features.
"Once meteor was stopped," Tifa began, rolling her shoulders back, "Sephiroth was understandably furious. I don't know what he specifically did, but soon enough, Cloud was under his control, like a puppet... I think it might have something to do with their shared cells," she took a deep breath in, "After that, some of the others were killed, and they everyone fled the Northern Crater. Cloud is posted as a remnant somewhere on the Planet, and I don't know where..."
Her throat felt as though it was closing up. Losing her friends was a toll on her heart – not knowing where she could save another felt as though it were eating her alive.
Beside her, Reno remained silent; but inwardly, he was furious.
Their secrets were different. His was information, a key to executing a plan. Whether that could be achieved or not was entirely out of his hands. He wasn't strong enough, and he knew it. The only one who had a bit of Cloud's strength was the woman beside him, who rubbed her eyes and was breaking faster than his own mind.
Her secret, though – her secret was a bigger one. One of the supposed strongest fighters to ever live, the only living person who had a legitimate shot against bringing down Sephiroth and his veil of hated order, survived. The person who could use the information he had was still breathing. The mercenary of Midgar, the hero of the Planet was alive and well, but out of his right mind. As if there was such a thing as a 'right mind' to begin with... right?
Reno's hands shook violently.
"I don't know where he is," she echoed solemnly, more to herself than anybody else.
He fought to contain the laughter, he fought to contain the surge of insanity, but he wasn't strong enough. He laughed. He laughed so hard that tears fell from his eyes as he threw the glass onto the ground, much to the surprise of the two remaining people in the room. He laughed so hard that his stomach ached, that he found it difficult to breathe; but none of this was fucking funny at all.
He thought about the people of merit who had died during this entire ordeal. He thought about the people that were still alive – and none of them held a candle to those who had fallen into the Lifestream. In honesty, in quality, or in talent. Reno was only a shadow of the Turks. Tifa was only a shadow of Aerith. And Cloud, that fucking Cloud, was only a shadow of Zack.
He grabbed the stool he'd been sitting on and then threw it against the wall, watching as it left quite an impact. But when he realised there was no sound, he stopped and just stared at the shattered mirror gazing back at him. He scratched his cheek, and there was no noise. He pulled at his sleeves, and there was no rustle.
So he waited. He stood there in the middle of the room and waited for the sound to come back to him. Even as Tifa presumably apologised for the damage and began to clean up in his stead, more than likely reasoning that he was sick, sick, sick; he waited to hear again. He waited to hear the sound of metal, the sound of breathing and the ticking of the clock on the wall.
It never came.
"I'm deaf," he announced, hands still shaking, and mind still so unbalanced.
Tifa looked at him and rose from her kneeling position. She snapped her fingers on either side of his head and saw no reaction. A frown formed on her features – at least she had the decency to look ashamed – she took his hand and moved to lead him up the stairs. Instead, he ripped it from her grip.
He patted his hand to be rid of the echo of Tifa's touch, as though it were dirt, and growled, not hearing himself but knowing what he was saying, "Your secret's a lot bigger than mine, yo. I wonder when you were going to tell me, because I never doubted you. Not once."
All thoughts of heroism, of restoring order, vanished into the Cosmo Canyon night. They were replaced with chaotic anger.
