AN: I'm hoping to start updating regularly again! Let me know what you think, it must just about be time for Jack to get back in the field...
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
When Carter returned from the bathroom, Jonas and Teal'c were only just finishing up their breakfasts and looking decidedly better for it. Jack was sitting behind his half-empty plate, staring into his coffee like it was three fingers of whiskey, and wishing that it were. As she approached the table, Teal'c stood.
"Major Carter, would you assist me in clearing the table?" Carter nodded, and they began collecting plates.
"Thanks for the great breakfast, Colonel," Jonas said, sounding more like his usual chirpy self. "I'm feeling a lot better now." Jack grunted in reply.
In the kitchen, Carter began rinsing the dishes for Teal'c to load into the washer. Once the others had left, Jack reminding Jonas where the shower was, Teal'c turned to her.
"Are you well this morning?" he asked softly. Carter focussed on the pan in her hands.
"A little headache, nothing out of the ordinary." Although she kept her voice blank, she could feel Teal'c's gaze and knew that he knew.
"Please let me know if there is anything I can do."
"Thanks, Teal'c. I really appreciate it." She really did.
"Anything at all."
Carter chuckled and glanced sideways at her friend. His impassive face told her that everything would be alright. She touched his arm affectionately and nodded to show that she understood. He would always have her back.
After Jack had dropped Jonas off in the bathroom, he went back to his bedroom. He had no desire to be around Carter any more than was necessary.
The bed creaked under his weight and he grimaced. He thought that he'd been hitting the gym pretty hard lately (it being one of the only things to do on base), but apparently the extra beer he'd been smuggling onto the base as a way of passing the evenings had taken its toll.
Jack lay back and sighed, staring at the ceiling. In the three weeks since he had returned from Ba'al, it was like the world around him had changed. Things felt different now, like the universe had moved on without him and he didn't quite know where he fit in anymore. He had clung to Carter as a pillar of strength, a marker to remind him what was real. As much as he had longed to get away from the base, his house felt alien to him now. More alien than the alien planets they visited.
Jack screwed his eyes shut and covered his face with his hands. In a world where he was lost at sea, he needed his lifeboat more than anything. He had to put aside his broken heart – hell, they'd been doing it for years now, they should both be used to it – and focus on recovering, and he needed her for that.
The smell of coffee lured him back to the kitchen. Teal'c wordlessly handed him a mug, and the two of them went to join Carter in the lounge. She was curled up in a corner of the couch, looking as if she were only just in control of her facial expression. For a few minutes, they sipped their coffee in silence, the only sound the faint patter of the shower. Jack sighed.
"It's weird being back here. It doesn't feel… right."
"Sir?" Carter said, looking up sharply. Teal'c raised an eyebrow at him.
"I feel… out of place. Like I don't belong. In my own house, for crying out loud!"
It took Carter a few moments to recalibrate to the situation. Jack was showing her that he was putting it behind him and they could continue as before. She was grateful.
"Surely you have been tortured before, O'Neill? How did you recover then?" Teal'c asked with his usual tact. Carter shot him a look.
"I openly talked about it with friends and trained professionals so that I could come to accept it and move on, how do you think?" Jack said, completely deadpan. Still coming to terms with sarcasm, Teal'c raised an eyebrow questioningly.
"By which he means, he bottled it up, didn't speak to anyone, deflected it with humour, and distracted himself with beer," Carter translated, her mouth quirked up in the corner. Jack's eyes met hers and it was almost like they were back to normal, sharing a private joke, even if it wasn't very funny.
"That does not sound like a very successful coping method, O'Neill." Carter stifled a grin.
"I'm workin' on it, believe me," Jack sighed. There was a long pause, in which they heard the shower switch off and Jonas emerge from the bathroom. "Hey T, could you go tell Jonas we're gonna head out when he's ready?" Teal'c inclined his head and rose, leaving Jack alone with Carter. Once the door had closed, he spoke again.
"I'm tired, Carter. Restless. I'm surrounded by people, but I feel so alone. I'm just tired, of these people, these places, of being cooped up and going through the motions, over and over and over. I don't know how much longer I can do this."
It was just after midday by the time they returned to the base, just in time to wolf down lunch in the commissary, although that actually made Jonas feel even more ill. After Jack ordered him back to bed, the rest of SG1 wandered down to the gym for an easy-going workout and sparring session. Jack was determined to put off going to bed for as long as possible. He was working on not pushing people away and shutting himself off, even though that's all he wanted to do. It was hard, but he could see that Carter knew that he was trying and was proud of him.
Finally, after dinner, they unanimously decided to call it a night and Jack returned to his stark, empty quarters. Three beers later, and he was sound asleep.
"Nobody knows you're here. Even if they did, they wouldn't be able to rescue you because this place is a fortress…"
"We're both victims, you and I…"
"Insidious, like… acid."
Jack tossed fitfully in his sleep. Images swam in his mind, Ba'al, Daniel, Carter…
Carter.
He was in his cell. The opening was high above his head. He'd been there for six weeks – forty-three agonising days, although in actuality he had lost count. It had been days since he had last seen Daniel.
Suddenly, he was suspended in Ba'al's torture chamber. Ba'al was speaking but his words were muffled. Jack started struggling, trying to wrench himself free.
"Sir!" His head jerked up, and he saw Carter. Ba'al was holding a knife to her throat and there was a large cut on her cheek. Tears streaked the dirt on her face. The sight of her activated some primal instinct in Jack, and with a sudden surge of adrenaline he tore himself away from the bars.
In his room, and still asleep, Jack's unconscious mind gained some control over his limbs and he leapt to his feet. He stumbled out the door and sauntered off down the corridor, mumbling incoherently. The SFs stationed there shared a look, before one of them found the nearest phone and dialled the infirmary. The other cautiously approached Jack.
"Are you alright, sir?"
Ba'al grinned at him and drew the knife slowly across Carter's skin, his other arm holding tight against her struggling.
"Jack—" Carter groaned, her hands desperately tried to stop the blood flow, but it was too late. Jack rushed forwards, and Ba'al let Carter's lifeless body slide to the floor. He swung at Jack with the knife, who swerved out of the way, spun around, and kicked the back of his knees. Ba'al fell and Jack punched him hard in the side of the head, knocking him unconscious.
There was a thud as the SF fell, out like a light.
"Sir?"
Jack turned at the sound of Siler's voice behind him. Siler emerged from his lab with a furrowed brow, and noted the prone body of the SF on the ground. Jack mumbled at him.
"What was that, sir?"
Jack blinked. It was happening again, but their roles were reversed. Carter was alive once more, but suspended against the bars. Jack's windpipe was constricted — Ba'als hands were tight around his throat.
Siler put a hand on Jack's shoulder, now very concerned. Jack's mumbled intensified. Siler leaned in closer to hear, and caught the word 'Ba'al' before Jack's fist caught him square in the nose and he staggered backwards. The one SF who was still conscious heard the commotion and ran back around the corner to intercept, but Jack's foot instinctively shot out to kick him in the groin and the man doubled over in pain.
"No..! Get away from—from her, you—!" He struggled to get away from Siler, away from Ba'al. He had to save Carter.
But he was too late. Blood had begun to pour forth from a gash in her stomach, and she was dead in seconds. There was nothing Jack could do. He fell to his knees, sobbing. It was over. He had lost his last reason to live. Ba'al had taken everything.
Suddenly, Jack's eyes snapped open and he froze, trying to take in his surroundings. Siler was doubled over with a trickle of blood coming from his nose. There were two other people visible who were either unconscious or curled up on the floor. Jack was huddled in a corner, and his cheeks were damp with tears. He was not in Ba'al's torture chamber, or even his own quarters. He blinked, and cleared his throat.
"Uh."
He slowly got to his feet, surreptitiously wiping his eyes. At that moment, a nurse showed up, out of breath. She began trying to tend to Siler, but he waved her away, gesturing towards the SFs.
Jack wasn't quite sure what was going on, or why there was a small trail of clothes and bedding leading from his room.
"Night, Siler…" he murmured. Siler nodded at him, and Jack threw a mock salute at the SFs before turning. He made his way slowly back to his room, picking up his things as he went.
The pills seemed to be calling him from inside his desk. He opened the draw and glared at them. Taking sleeping pills felt like giving up, giving in… but he needed to knock himself out enough that even his subconscious was asleep. Jack was sick of sleep walking.
He took two pills, dry, and collapsed on the bed, slightly comforted by the knowledge that he could still disable three men in his sleep.
And with that thought, he was gone again.
