Chapter Nine: Cry
When Meredith walked into the kitchen of her house she found Lauren and Izzie sitting at the table drinking coffee. Lauren instantly noticed the swollen red eyes and the bruise on her face so she simply stood up and hugged Meredith.
"Derek called Izzie"
"So you know"
"I am so sorry Meri; I know Susan was so good to you"
"I just thought for once maybe I could have a real family but I guess it is just something I don't deserve."
"Meri, why don't you go up and sit in bed? I will be up soon with some food and we can talk"
"Actually the only thing I want right now is my good friend tequila"
But Lauren stopped Meredith before she could take another step.
"Meredith you cannot just drink away your problems. Go upstairs I will be there soon"
Meredith sighed, she knew she was not going to win this argument so she just slumped up the stairs and went up to her bathroom. She got changed and washed her face. She would brush her teeth after she ate whatever Lauren brought up. She walked out of the bathroom and sank into her bed. She actually felt as though someone had reached down her throat and pulled her heart out of her chest. She felt empty, alone and completely helpless. She was doing so well, he was right but this night had changed everything. Then she remembers Derek and reached for her cell phone. [i I'm home with Lauren and Izzie and will call you in the morning maybe. I am sorry I didn't kiss you goodbye or tell you
that I love you, because I do. I just can't be with you tonight. I am so sorry [/i As she shut her phone Lauren came in with a bowl of soup.
"Who were you talking to?"
"Oh I just texted Derek"
"Is he on his way here?"
"No, I don't want to spend tonight with him. I need to think tonight"
"Meredith you can't keep running from him"
"Lauren I am not running from him"
"Yes you are Meredith. When I came here the day of your mom's funeral I could see how much you love him and how much he loves you. Why are you not confiding in him?"
"Because all he ever does is tell me that everything is going to be okay and we will make it, and that is encouraging to a certain degree. But I just don't feel like everything is going to be okay anymore. He is just making me frustrated"
"Well you have to tell him that"
"But when I tell him stuff like this he gets all mad and defensive. Lauren we just don't know how to communicate that well together. And god I love him so much but it just seems like there is always something preventing us from being together"
"Meredith there is nothing preventing you from being together"
"Yes there is. The first time we were together he didn't tell me he was married, then he chose his wife over me. Then he walked away from me and tried to beg for me back and it worked. And just recently I got caught up in my mom and he go caught up in the race for chief and then I almost died and my mom died and now Susan is dead. Lauren what the hell is wrong with me?"
Meredith was crying and shaking now, Lauren just sat on the bed and held her the way a mother holds their child, resting Meredith's head on her shoulder so she could cry.
"Just let it out Meri, you have kept this bottled up inside of you for so long I can hear it in your voice. Just cry"
And it was exactly what she did. After a long 30 minutes Lauren wiped the tears from Meredith's eyes.
"Meredith you need to talk to him"
"What difference will it even make?"
"Because if you keep running away like this…" she trailed off.
"What? Come on Lauren I am a big girl now I can handle the ugly truth"
"If you keep running away, you may run too far and when you turn around he won't be there anymore"
"I know that"
"So don't take advantage of how much he loves you because you are hurting him Meredith"
"I know"
"Okay so how about I call Derek and tell him to come over here and spend the night with you, I think you may just want him to hold you tonight. You will sleep much better that way"
"Thanks his cell is speed dial one on my phone"
"I could have guessed that"
Meredith smiled and lay down as Lauren walked out her room.
0000
He picked up after the first ring
"Meredith?"
"Um sorry Derek it's
Lauren"
"Is she actually okay or is she just Meredith okay"
"She will be okay, I
am just wondering if you would like to come spend the night with her.
She shouldn't have to sleep alone tonight and I think she really
wants you here"
"Thank you for taking care of her Lauren, I
am on my way"
"Thanks Derek"
"Bye"
"Bye"
0000
Derek made a 30 minute drive in less than 15 minutes and he ran into the house and found Lauren in the kitchen.
"Is Meredith in her room?"
"Yes she is but Derek
I need to tell you something in case she doesn't. I think we both
have experienced enough of Meredith's stubborn personality to know
she doesn't do everything the way she should"
"Yes"
"Now this may sound harsh, but you have to stop telling her that everything is going to be okay, because look at where she is right now. She is so lost and confused Derek. You need to get her to talk and to listen"
"I will try my best"
"Just at least promise me you won't tell her everything is going to be okay"
"I promise"
"Okay, good night then"
Derek headed up the stairs and opened the door to Meredith's room.
"Hey baby, I know you want to talk but we can in the morning. I just need to hold me until I fall asleep right now"
"I can do that"
"Thank you"
He stripped down to his boxers and got in the bed with her. He pulled her in as close as he could and the sound of her soft breath put him to sleep.
I have seen fear. I
have seen faith.
Seen the look of anger on your face
And if you
want to talk about what will be,
Come and sit with me, and cry on
my shoulder,
I'm a friend.
And if you want to talk about it
anymore,
Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a
friend.
