Chapter 9
For once, Goren found himself alone. Usually, either Lewis or Eames was in the room with him, and on the rare occasion they weren't, a nurse was. He looked around, verifying for himself that he truly was alone.
The Doctors hadn't given any indication that he was improving. His friends said he was, but it was hard to take that as Gospel truth when he knew they would say anything to try and pull him out of his depression.
The gnawing pain was still there, but sadly, he'd gotten used to it. He expected pain now, and he knew the kinds of movement that would make it flare. Bobby chewed on his bottom lip and made a decision.
He was going to walk, to prove to himself and everyone else that he could. He scooted closer to the edge of the mattress, suppressing the gasp of pain that tried to escape his lips. Gritting his teeth, he raised himself to a sitting position and dropped his feet over the side of the bed.
He knew if he gave himself time, he wouldn't follow through. In one motion, Bobby jerked to his feet and stood. He swayed a little at first. Then he smiled. Goren looked around, saw the IV and the catheter and knew the truth was he had nowhere he could go. Just for the sake of doing it, he took one small step forward and smiled again. Dizzy, he felt a tickle in his chest. He reached back with his shaking left hand, looking for the mattress.
Before he found it, his brain registered the words, "What the hell are you doing?" and he felt her strong arms around him, supporting his weight. Eames guided him back to the bed and he sat, groaning with pain. The pain brought forth a cough, and she kept him from toppling onto the floor.
Alex pushed the call button with one hand while she held him steady with the other.
"What's going on in here?" Demanded Mildred as she raced to her patient.
"When I came in, he was standing by the bed," Alex explained. She helped the nurse with Bobby until he was lying prone. Alex averted her eyes while Mildred checked the catheter, and helped the woman straighten the sheet and blanket over him. The nurse replaced the cannula under his nose.
"Detective Goren," Mildred said, "You want to go for a walk, you wait until that catheter is out."
Bobby managed his best sigh, and the nurse left the room. He opened his eyes to find Eames staring at him. "Had to try," was all he managed to say. Then he was overcome with exhaustion.
Alex held his hand and studied his face. He had come so far since he was shot, but she had felt his body quivering as she held him. She sighed. He still had a long way to go.
The pain had diminished slightly, but now he was restless. He was well enough to be alert most of the time, and he was bored. He wanted to be up and about but had neither the permission nor the stamina to do it. He had slightly more self-control than when he was dealing with the pain. Instead of snapping at his friends most of the time, he bit his tongue and scowled instead.
Alex was finally reaching her limit. She folded her arms and glared at him. "Are you about finished with this lousy attitude?"
"What lousy attitude?"
She shook her head at him.
"Trade places with me, we'll see how you keep your rosy disposition."
Alex saddened at the thought. "That's not fair," she said. "And for the record, I would rather be the one in that bed."
Now Bobby's expression saddened. "You quit."
"Yes. I did."
"I don't like it."
"I know that."
"Couldn't you just… talk to me first, before you made a decision like that?"
"Like you talked to me about going undercover?"
"Not… fair," Bobby said through a stifled cough.
"Good. We're even."
The conversation was difficult, and they were both angry, but Bobby reached his fingers towards hers. She clasped his hand and gave him a semblance of a smile. "Truce?" she asked him.
He squeezed her hand. Bobby's eyes closed and he felt all of his misery at once. "I hate it here," he muttered.
Alex's heart ached for him. She squeezed his hand and tried to comfort him.
He managed to drift into sleep, and Alex took the opportunity to walk the halls and call her sister. When she returned, he had awakened, and he had the scowl on his face again.
"What's wrong?" Alex asked.
Bobby frowned and looked away from her.
"You want the nurse?"
"No I don't want the fucking nurse."
Alex folded her arms and gave him a scowl of her own.
Bobby clamped his mouth shut and threw his dirty look toward the ceiling.
"Just say it, Bobby. It can't be good for you to hold it in like this."
"Stop telling me…what's… good… for me."
Alex sighed and rolled her eyes, readjusting her hands to hug herself even tighter.
"What do I… do… without you?"
"Huh?" Alex was baffled.
"You… quit."
"Oh, Jesus, Bobby. Again?"
"Did you… un...quit?"
She gave him a sour look. "What do you want me to do, Bobby? I made a decision. I weighed all the options, and I made a decision. I have to do what's best for me, for my future."
"You… weighed all the options… what, for two seconds?!"
"Maybe I'm not the heavy thinker that you are, but I gave this some serious thought, Bobby. God knows I had plenty of time to think about it." Her thoughts went back to those first days of his hospitalization, when she spent every waking moment terrified that he might die.
"Should… have…" an alarm started to sound over his bed, and it seemed like Bobby was short of breath. "…talked to me…"
"Settle down, Bobby."
"Don't tell me-!" he was interrupted by a nurse who gently pushed Eames aside and spent some time getting a solid flow of oxygen back into her patient.
Tears welled in Alex's eyes, and she stepped backwards and out the door. She couldn't stop the sobs from overtaking her, no matter how hard she tried to stifle them.
A warm hand was against her back. "Alex?" Lewis asked. "Is he...?"
Alex gave a shrug and realized just why she was crying. She'd never been the cause of his setbacks before. "He's… I think he's fine now. Go ahead," she told Lewis, and sniffed.
Lewis seemed torn about leaving her, but he had to reassure himself about Bobby. He stepped inside the room and just as quickly returned to Alex. "What happened?" he asked, his hand against her back once more.
She had regained most of her composure. "He's angry with me. We were trying to talk and his oxygen crashed..."
"Angry like the usual angry? Or is it something else?"
"He can't forgive me for leaving the force."
Lewis frowned and gave a sigh.
"Lewis, I… I can't do this… to him. I'm gonna go home…"
Bobby's friend nodded at her.
"Keep me posted, okay?"
Without a word, Lewis stuck his hands in his pockets and bobbed his head in a nod. She walked slowly past him, craning her neck as she passed Bobby's room, but without even turning to enter. Fighting tears again, Alex left the hospital.
Lewis turned and walked back to the room his best friend lay in. The nurses had returned to their stations, and Bobby lay staring at the ceiling. The oxygen cannula was stretched under his nose once again. Bobby heard the shuffle of Lewis' feet and turned his eyes to meet his friend's.
"What's all this?" Lewis asked him, hoping to get Bobby to talk.
"Fucking lungs don't work," Goren snipped. "Where's Eames?"
Lewis looked back toward the door and shrugged. "Uh… she went home, I think." He avoided Goren's eyes for a moment, but couldn't do it for long. Bobby didn't look happy about Eames' departure.
"She's pissed at me."
Lewis frowned. "She's upset… that she hurt you." He could see Goren's shallow breaths coming faster and he rested his hand on the man's shoulder. "Look, she'll be back. She just needed a break, that's all. This…" Lewis gestured to each wall of the room, "this is hard on everybody."
"Fuck," Bobby breathed, but he didn't upset himself further. He stared at the ceiling again, and although he was glad for Lewis' touch, he didn't complain when Lewis pulled away and flopped down in the visitor chair.
"Look, I can't stay long. Shop's getting busy. I wanted to come by and see you while I had time."
"Go, Lewis. I don't need you to… babysit me."
"Bobby," Lewis protested. "That's not what I think. Anyway, I want you to do something for me."
Goren's eyes met his friend's. He had no idea what he could do for anyone at the moment.
"Think. About Eames. And be fair about it. And when you've done that, give her a call." Lewis folded his hands together as if he wasn't sure what to do with them. "She loves you, man."
Goren shivered at the words. He knew it was true, and he loved her too, but neither of them had ever admitted it. He coughed softly. "She tell you that?" he whispered the question.
Lewis shrugged and his knee bounced. "Yeah, I'd say so, yeah. Everything she does says it, man."
Bobby huffed a breath and turned his head.
"Well, whether she said the words or not, doesn't change the truth, Bobby. Do what I said. Think." Lewis got to his feet. "Call me if you need me. And no more alarms, you got that?" He dropped his hand onto Goren's and gave it a squeeze. "I'll see you later."
Bobby nodded, squeezed Lewis' hand, but said nothing. He felt the pain of his wound, but now his heart ached, too. After Lewis was gone, he thought about calling Eames and apologizing, but he didn't feel sorry. He was angry with her for quitting the force, and he didn't think any amount of thinking was going to change that. With a sigh, he closed his eyes and eventually managed to fall asleep.
