Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for my ever-expanding college loan debt and my new bridesmaid dress for one of my best friend's weddings.
Stephenie Meyer owns all.
" And your slowly shaking finger tips
Show that your scared like me so
Let's pretend we're alone
And I know you may be scared
And I know were unprepared
But I don't care."
--"Vulnerable by Secondhand Serenade
Chapter 9: Going Too Far
I was looking out the window, watching as the familiar landmarks that verified that we were entering La Push flashed by my window. The giant rock that I always thought looked like a bear went by first, followed by the tree that hung slightly over the road almost looking as if it could fall on the passing cars at any second. Jacob and I still had yet to speak the entire car ride so far, and the longer we sat in silence the more nervous I got. He was holding my hand again and just that small touch practically warmed my entire body. With my free hand, I reached onto the dash and turned off the heat. I was beginning to sweat.
"Am I making you hot?" Jacob asked, chuckling.
"Yeah," I said timidly. "I mean your body heat, you're burning up," I quickly added.
"Right," he said grinning. "Of course that's what I was referring to."
"Right…" I replied, turning to look out the window again.
I didn't understand why I was so anxious. It wasn't like Jacob and I never spent time alone in the past. I couldn't quite explain this new effect he was having on me. Of course, I was the one that suggested we go to his house and we both knew what that meant. He knew I wanted to be alone with him. I hoped that he wasn't jumping to any conclusions.
Jacob killed the car's engine in front of his residence and turned towards me.
"Home sweet home," he said, almost seductively while eyeing me up. If I didn't know any better I would swear he knew how nervous I was so he was just trying to get a rise out of me. Well whatever he was up to, it was working. He was making me particularly edgy.
I ignored his comment and climbed out of the car. He beat me to the front door, despite my massive head start. It was frustrating hanging around people with superhuman abilities all the time. Eventually, it was only natural that I started feeling incredibly insignificant.
"You know, you don't have to show off every time an opportunity presents itself," I said sounding irritated, though I was only joking.
"Hey, it's not my fault you are freakishly short Bells, your legs just don't move as fast as mine," he replied smiling wryly, opening the front door to his house.
"I'm average height, Jacob. Everyone is short compared to you. You are just freakishly tall," I retorted as I plowed past him inside. I removed my shoes and Jacob, who just laughed at my outburst, came behind me to help me with my coat.
After he hung up our coats, we both walked into the living room and awkwardly stood in the middle. I could tell he was just as uneasy as I was, but he was trying to play it off like he was fine. The clock on his wall was the only sound to be heard between us for a minute or two. Then, he smiled at me.
"So…" He said trailing off for a second. "What do you want to do?"
"Umm…" I replied, biting my lip and walking around the room looking at some of the pictures on the wall. I have seen these particular photos a million times, but I needed something to occupy my attention. "I don't know."
I heard Jacob's throaty laughter come from behind me. "Really Bells? You're going to look at the pictures on my wall?"
I turned around to face him. He was standing closer to me than I thought, so I had to take a step back in order to see his face. He was grinning at me, looking particularly amused.
"Uh yeah…I guess I am," I said, laughing nervously.
"Wow, we really need to relax," Jacob said shaking his head back and forth. "We're being silly. After all, it's just us."
"You're right," I said, his words automatically helping me to unwind a little. "Gosh, I don't know why I'm so nervous. It's ridiculous."
Jacob shrugged. "I guess I just have that effect on the ladies." He was winking at me. You have got to be kidding me!
I rolled my eyes. "Okay, please tell me you didn't just do that," I said shoving him playfully, of course not able to move him a centimeter.
"Oh I definitely did," he said, taking my hand in his and leading me to the front door. "C'mon, I have something to show you."
Jacob led me out to the garage where our relationship had blossomed over the past couple of months. I couldn't help but feel a sense of warmth every time I walked inside of it. It always brought back so many great memories.
He walked over to his work bench and picked up something that was wrapped in a garbage bag with a ribbon tied around it. He bought me something? I immediately grew slightly irritated.
"Now before you get all angry with me," Jacob said, reading my mind, as he walked towards me with the mystery object. "You should know that I only paid five dollars for this."
He placed it in my hands and I sighed. "Jake," I said. "You know I don't want you buying me things, especially whenever there's not even an occasion."
"I'd say this is definitely a special occasion—my first date with you," he said smiling warmly.
I felt my anger fade. He was too considerate to stay mad at for long. I couldn't help but smile back at him. "You shouldn't have—"
"Just open it and see what it is," he said, interrupting me.
I slowly untied the bow and reached inside the black garbage bag, pulling out a brand new motorcycle helmet. At least it looked brand new. It was painted a deep shade of forest green with my name and yesterday's date written in small black letters on the back. It was perfect--definitely an improvement from the brown and rusted one I had been wearing.
"Jacob, this is great," I said enthusiastically. "It looks brand new, though. You had to of paid more than five dollars for this."
"Nope," he said proudly, "I got it at a flea market and repainted it. I knew you wouldn't want it to be pink or anything like that."
"Thank you," I said genuinely grateful. I was touched that he would take the time to do this for me. "It's perfect, I love it."
I did love it even though I kind of thought my motorcycle days were over. My reason for riding them in the first place was kind of irrelevant now, but he didn't need to know that. I put the helmet down on the work bench and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him in for a hug. The hug started out as a friendly gesture, but then changed to something more when he pulled me closer to his body and my face found a place in the warmth of his chest. We stood like that for a while, both of us not wanting to back away. I felt invincible whenever he held me in his arms like that.
"Well, I am glad you like it," he eventually said, pulling away from me. "I knew you would get mad at first, but then I figured you'd see my side of things after you saw what it was. Hopefully, we can put that thing to use this weekend."
"Yeah, maybe…" I said doubting that greatly. I guess eventually I was going to have to explain myself to him. He deserved to know just how crazy I was--trying to do reckless things just to hear Edward's voice.
"Well, we should head back inside," Jacob said in response to my shivering against the cold air. He took my hand in his again and led me back indoors where it was warmer.
I was pleased that I was no longer feeling anxious and the awkwardness between us had lifted. I walked over and knelt down in front of the TV, looking through some of the movies he and Billy owned. Most of them were older and I did'nt even know who the actors were that played in them. I picked up a movie called Tristan and Isolde and held it up to Jacob. It was one of my all time favorites.
"Hey, can we watch this?" I asked him.
He took it out of my hands and examined it. "This looks like a chick flick," he said frowning.
"No, it's really more than that. It's a great movie; I promise you'll like it. Besides, I don't even like most chick flicks," I explained to him.
"Oh fine, like I would be able to refuse you anyway," he said already putting the movie into the VCR.
I happily crawled over to the couch and climbed on. I lay down on my side facing the TV, very content. After Jacob got the movie started, he came and sat down on the floor right in front of me, leaning his back against the couch, purposefully blocking my view of the screen.
"Hey! You don't make a very good window" I said throwing a pillow at his head.
He just laughed and scooted over so I could see. "Oh sorry about that, didn't see you there."
I just rolled my eyes at his lameness and then turned my attention to the movie. Not even twenty minutes into the movie, after seeing Tristan on the screen without his shirt on, Jacob turned around and raised his eyebrows at me.
"Ohhhhh, now I see why you wanted to watch this," he taunted.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, laughing. "Don't be ridiculous."
"Oh c'mon, just admit it. You know he's the only reason you like this," he said climbing up onto the couch and pushing me onto my back, straddling me.
"No, I swear that's not the case," I said, laughing and trying to push him off of me. He was gently tickling me and I was unsuccessfully trying to squirm out from underneath him.
"Isabella Swan, I thought you to be better than that, really I am appalled," he said teasingly, still tickling me.
I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe. "Jake….please….stop….it..." I managed to get out between breathes.
He stopped and smiled down at me. "Okay fine, you win," he said, leaning down to gently give me a quick peck on the lips. He moved off of me to lie down--squeezing between the couch and my back. He wrapped his arm firmly around my waist and pulled me in closer to him—if that were even possible. My back was pressed up against his body—his heat overpowering. It wasn't long before it was too much to bear, so I slowly unbuttoned my blouse and removed it to reveal the white tank top I had worn underneath. I knew that Jacob was not oblivious to the fact that I was shedding my clothes, but he remained silent.
Sometime mid-movie I felt Jacob's hand stop tracing paths of circles that it had been drawing on my arm. I hadn't even realized he was doing it until he stopped. Suddenly, I could feel his fiery breath on my neck and I was very aware of each time his chest would rise and fall with each of those breathes that he took. I wondered if he was still awake. In that instant, I became exceedingly aware of just how close his body actually was to mine. Unexpectedly, it was starting to have an effect on me and I was finding it difficult to pay attention to the movie. The tension and previous nervousness that was between us was abruptly flooding back into my system.
I was no longer conscious of how much time was going by. It all seemed to be passing in a blur. I was getting lost in my own thoughts--thoughts about the past couple of days and how much has changed in such a short period of time. Thoughts about Jacob and how incredibly special he was. I knew that I was lucky to have him in my life, which was something I'd be forever grateful for. I also knew that I loved him more than I had ever thought possible.
I felt Jacob stir behind me. A second later, I felt his scorching hand move from my arm and down to my waist-- creeping underneath my shirt and touching the bare flesh of my stomach. I couldn't stop myself from shivering as his hand slowly inched its way up my abdomen. I heard him chuckle softly at my reaction—or maybe I just felt the rumble in his chest—which of the two I can't be sure. I guess that answered my question. He was definitely still awake.
His hand came to a rest just below my bra on my lower ribcage. I felt a set of warm lips kiss my shoulder. I jumped whenever his lips unexpectedly met my bare skin. I guess I already forgotten that I removed my blouse.
"Bella, relax," I heard him whisper softly in my ear, causing my whole body to cover in goose bumps.
"I'm not going to try anything…" he said, trailing off.
Who said I didn't want him to? The thought escaped me before I had any chance to suppress it. I was very grateful that he didn't know what I was thinking. I took a deep breath and slowly turned around in his arms so that I was facing him. I was growing tired of not being able to look in his eyes. He smiled at my warmly. I felt my heart melt.
"You trust me…right?" he asked.
I nodded and bit my lip. It wasn't him I didn't trust. I was always the one with little self-control in my past relationship.
He kissed my forehead softly and wrapped his arms around me resting his hands on the small of my back. My arms were squeezed between us, awkwardly situated on his chest.
"Good," he said leaning back slightly to look me in the eyes. He paused for a moment. He seemed to be studying my expression. I couldn't help but feel self-conscious under his stare.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked, suddenly more serious.
"I don't think I should answer that," I said barely above a whisper. He really didn't need to know what I was thinking about at this point.
"Then you must be thinking the same thing as me," he responded, grinning. I felt his hands find their way underneath my tank top again and slowly make their way up my back. My body responded reflexively to his touch and arched in towards him. My head was starting to spin. I could feel myself getting caught up in the moment. However, in the back of my mind I couldn't help but wait for the instant where he would have to pull away from me-- for my safety.
That instant never came. Instead, he leaned in even closer until his lips meant mine. He kissed me softly once, twice, a third time. However, the fourth time our lips meant they did not part. His hands slid out from under my shirt and found their way into my hair, gently pulling me closer in order to deepen the kiss. I felt myself grow dizzy with desire. That is when it hit me. Jacob and I had no boundaries. There were no lines that we couldn't cross. He was not already pulling away from me before we had ever even touched. One by one, I felt the small imaginary walls that I had built around myself after Edward's departure begin to crumble. I started to kiss him more forcefully, demanding his lips to mine, as my hands shakily started to work on the buttons of his shirt. I wasn't thinking anymore. I was only feeling.
I heard him groan as my hands found their way onto his bare chest. His skin was smoldering under my touch. I couldn't get enough of him. My hands felt like liquid as I started to slide them down even further, however, they were engulfed by Jacob's hands before I managed to make any substantial progress. He was holding my wrists, keeping me from going any lower.
"Bella…" he breathed as he quickly broke off our kiss. My name came out as a question. His eyes, now slightly wider in shock, were searching mine. I wondered what he would find in them.
I leaned in to kiss him again. I didn't want this to end, but he stopped me.
"Please stop," he said, sounding almost pained.
"Why?" I asked confused. "Don't you….want me?" That is hardly what I meant to say. There was supposed to be more to that sentence. I didn't know what I was doing. What was I even thinking? Abruptly, I felt rejection settle in as my cheeks grew hot and my skin flushed. Was there something wrong with me that my boyfriends seemed to find me so resistible?
"What a ridiculous question," he said in his throaty voice. "You have no idea how much I want you."
He was staring back at me with conflicted eyes. He looked like he was about to say something else, but he closed his mouth instead. The couch shifted underneath me and I felt myself shiver against the cold air. Jacob had left my side. I wrapped my arms around my chest as I sat upright on the couch. Jacob was standing in front of me buttoning up his shirt. I glanced up at him only long enough to see that he still looked conflicted before I returned my eyes to the floor. Wow, this was really embarrassing. We were both silent. I heard his footsteps as he paced the room a few times before stopping and kneeling down in front of me. His hand was under my chin tilting my face up so I would look at him.
"Hey Bells…I'm really sorry," he said softly. "You know I love you."
I could only bring myself to nod. I couldn't think of anything to say. He had pushed me away from him. He didn't want me to go any further. Why was I so upset by this? I wasn't even entirely sure I wanted to go any further. No actually, I was definitely sure I didn't want to go any further. If that was the case, then why did I feel so hurt?
"I should probably get you home before our eleven 'o'clock curfew," he said kissing my forehead softly. I couldn't help but notice that his words seemed slightly forced. What was he thinking about?
"Yeah…" I managed to reply, getting up from the couch and walking over to put on my shoes and coat.
The car ride home was painfully awkward. I wanted to apologize to Jacob for my behavior but at the same time I didn't want him to think that I regretted kissing him like that. I really didn't want to know what he was thinking about at this point. I probably gave him the wrong impression of me and he was most likely assuming I had much more experience than I actually did. Oh God. My cheeks were getting redder by the second. Luckily, we were pulling into my driveway.
I quickly got out of the car and walked by Jacob's side to my front door. We both looked at each other for a second before I turned to open it. When we walked inside, Charlie and Billy were waiting at the kitchen table for us.
"Bella, you're late," Charlie told me, suspiciously. He was eyeing down Jacob again and this time I guess he actually had good reason to, not that it was Jacob's fault. I looked at the clock and sure enough it read 11:12p.m.
"Dad we just hit a lot of traffic—" I started to say.
"Well, we both fell asleep while watching a movie—"Jacob gushed at the time as me.
Jacob and I both stopped and looked at each other.
"You know, we both fell asleep and then hit some traffic on our way home," I eventually said, completely mortified.
Charlie and Billy were both staring us down, obviously not buying into our excuses. I tried my best to avoid their suspicious gazes.
I sighed. "Dad, it was only ten minutes. I'm sorry for being late but I'm really tired. I'm going to bed."
I turned towards Jacob to see that he was looking at me as if to say, "We will talk about what happened later." I nodded at him.
"Goodnight Jacob. Thanks for dinner," I said, trying to act like everything was normal.
"Goodnight, see you tomorrow, Bells," he replied.
I turned around and headed right up the steps and into my room. Not only did I have to face Edward in my dreams tonight, I would now have to face both Jacob and Charlie in the morning. Great.
A/N: Sorry, I lied. This is the last edited chapter updated May 28, 2009.
The remaining chapters haven't been updated yet, but they will be eventually.
Poor Bella always getting cockblocked--I feel for her. Really, I do.
