I wake up with a pulsing pain in my body. It's been the same pain as the last seven days, but the pain gets weaker with every day passing. It's the little improvements that make me happy. Like being able to see clearly. I open my eyes and see an empty bedside. It takes me a second to realize I am home. I am in my own bed. I am safe. Yet, I am alone.

My eyes start scanning the area. Adaline's moses basket has been moved. It's gone. Where is she? Where is my daughter? I turn my head around seeing a closed door. Pain starts rushing through my body. She's outside the room. Somewhere in this house. She's home. She's safe.

I am alive... It's so nice to be able to see again. Silence coats me in. I'm still not able to hear, I guess. But I can see. It's a step in the right direction. I watch the door opening. My husbands walks in and I enjoy the few seconds before he notices me. He looks so strong, so confident… so beautiful. His eyes meet mine and I feel my heart skipping a beat. There's surprise in his eyes as he notices that I am awake. He rushes over to me, sitting in front of me.

"You are safe. You're home." I hear a whisper and lips forming. It's the same words as every day since he saved me. "Good morning, my angel."

I frown before my brain starts connecting the noise to the pictures I am seeing. I can hear! I can hear him! Oh my god! I can hear! Say something! I force myself to open my mouth. My chin feels stiff. I take a deep breath, "Hi." it sounds weak. It's a whisper, maybe even more quite than that. I'm not even sure he has heard me.

His eyes widen and I know he heard me. I can talk! Oh god, I have my voice back! I can talk!

There's a laughter full of amazement coming out of my husband's mouth. He is just as surprised as me. I watch his eyes filling with tears before his lips find mine. He has such soft, full lips… "Hi…" he repeats and I close my eyes, letting his deep male voice ring in my ears. He has such an amazing voice. This melody in it is mesmerizing. I missed it so badly. The depth of his voice echoes in the deepest parts of my body. He has such a beautiful, beautiful voice...

I open my eyes again and see a grin on my husband's lips. His hands reach out to touch me and I feel a relief as his hands finally touch my cheeks. "You can hear and talk…" he shakes his head, still amazed. "How strong is the pain?" he asks me. It's still quite, but I can hear him. If I concentrate enough, I can hear him.

"I'm alive." I whisper back, feeling thirsty. I've lost so much water in the last two weeks… I've never felt so weak.

He places a glass of water in front of my mouth without me requesting it. He knows me inside out. I take a sip, feeling the water running down my throat. It feels so good… I am home. I am safe. I am alive. I can see he's holding pills. It's two this time. Two for the pain.

I want to take them out of his hand, but I feel my body aching as I try to move.

"Open your mouth." he orders and I do so before he places the pills into my mouth. I gulp them down with more water. "Don't try to move so much. You're still recovering. You need rest." He places the glass back on my nightstand.

"I need you." I whisper back.

He tilts his head to the side and I see his eyes watering up, "You have me until my last breath, my angel." I feel his hand fondling my right cheek. "I'm not leaving you alone again."

"You didn't leave me." I say back with tears in my eyes again.

"But I let you go. I let you fly to Miami." his eyes are full of guilt.

I bite my lip, "I love you." it's all I can say to make him feel better.

"I love you, too." he says into my eyes. "More than you know."

"Will you take care of me all by yourself?" I ask him as his thumb brush my hand. It's a small gesture, but it's enough to make me feel his love for me.

"Yes. No other person is going to get close to you." he promises me.

"You can't do this all alone. Taking care of Adaline and me, your job…" it's too much for him. He's getting ahead of himself. He'll have a breakdown.

"My family is the most important factor in my life. I'll take care of you. Instructing Melinda or even another nurse won't work as you won't trust her as much as you trust me. You're even afraid of your own brother. You're scared. Of everything. Every sound can scare you off now that you're finally able to hear. Every person makes you wince and run. You're scared of everyone except me. It's me and you only."

I close my eyes, this was too hard to hear but I know he's right. "Good. You and me… and Adaline when the time is right."

He nods, "Are you hungry?"

I think about the staircase. Eight stairs down to the kitchen. Unbearable pain. The hunger I felt disappears.

"Breakfast will be served in bed." he promises me.

"You cooked?"

"Yes." he says with a grin on his lips, "Though it's just scrambled eggs with tomatoes and mushrooms. Nothing special."

"That sounds like the best breakfast ever." I smile at him. A meal cooked by my husband. God, how much I missed that…

"I have to warn you, there's no coffee for you yet. I can offer you either water, tea or juice for the next few days." his fingers brush through my hair.

"Tea. Any tea. Any food… Anything made by you." I say into his eyes.

"Okay." he says, rising from the floor.

"Troy," I start and I watch him stop in his movement. He takes a breath in and I know it's because I've said his name. I haven't been able to say his name in seven days. He hasn't heard my voice in ten days. It's a liberating sound.

He turns around and I can suddenly see the vulnerability in his body. He's suffering just as much as I am. "Thank you." I say to him. It's something I've been wanting to say for so long… and now I am finally able to. "For everything."

His glance meets mine, "Thank you for surviving." he whispers back in a broken voice before leaving the bedroom.

I let the words linger in the air as I try to get up. Pain starts striking through my body. But I can do this. I can get up from bed. Or at least, lift myself. Yes, lifting myself shouldn't be as painful. Pain starts rushing through my body as I use my upper body to lift myself. I feel very muscle working, every nerve reacting with strong merciless pain. It's so hard. I didn't think this would be so hard. But then again I got taught otherwise in the last seven days. It feels like I have to learn everything again except for breathing. And thinking. I bite my lip as I have finally risen. I am so exhausted. One tiny movement and I am tired again. I close my eyes feeling tears building. No I don't want to cry again. I've been crying too much. I have to keep myself together. I can do this. I can sit straight in my bed. I can do this... I hear the door opening. For a second I don't know where I am anymore. For a moment, I think I am back in the room in Rio. For a moment I think I am still held by the kidnappers. For a moment I think I am dying… I feel chills going down my spine and sweat breaking out of every inch of my body. I open my eyes and see our bedroom… our home… and I feel my body relaxing. I am home. I am safe. Troy walks in holding a tablet with food and tea. I can hear a melodic cry and I know it's my daughter. She's crying... is she crying for me? With his foot, my husband shuts the door before walking over to me. There's anger in his eyes as he sees me.

"When I say don't move it means don't move." His voice is strict as he places the tablet at the edge of the bed.

I bite my lip as I watch him rising behind me to plump up the pillow. There's a sharp pain in my back. He takes the pillow of his bedside and plumps it up as well before putting it behind my back. I lean against the softness, surprised to feel only a burn in my body.

"Adaline's crying." I point out as he sits down next to me.

He pulls the tablet closer to us and I can see scrambled eggs, mushrooms, tomatoes, smashed potatoes and a few berries on a smaller plate. He made raspberry tea again. My favourite. He picks up the fork. He's going to feed me. Like he did the past seven days. Until I am able to move my arms and hands again, this is how it's going to be. Through good times and worse. "Yes." He says, holding the fork in front of my mouth, "She wants you. She wanted you since the day you left." How can my daughter miss me so badly, when all I did was feel nothing towards her? I open my mouth and let him feed me. I start chewing, I don't know when I am able to eat harder food. Even chewing soft food is painful. Not as painful as in the beginning but painful enough to make me feel tired.

"I don't want her to see me like that this. I'll traumatises her." I say after gulping. I look terrifying. I mean the many cuts are one thing, but bloody eyes are a whole new level of scariness. "Did she sleep here?"

He sighs, collecting more food with the fork, "Yes. Until she awoke fully at around eight."

"What time is it?" I ask him before I open my mouth again.

"It's ten. Miley, Lucas and me are trying to calm her down but she won't. She must've smelled you in our bedroom or something. She wants you. She knows you're here." He says as I chew the food.

I gulp, "She's stubborn."

He smiles, "Yes. Just like her mother."

I feel my heart breaking. She wants to see me so badly. "I won't be able to hold her."

His eyes are filled with surprise as he collects food again. "She can lay beside you. I think just looking at you is enough to calm her."

I open my mouth again and start chewing after he places the food in my mouth. I feel every muscle in my body aching as I chew. "I don't think this is a good idea."

"Okay..." his voice rings in my ears and I know he disagrees.

"Okay..." I echo, my eyes not leaving his for a few seconds. This man is more than I deserve. "How did you find me?" It's time to get some answers now that I am able to talk.

He offers me the cup of tea and I take a sip. The warm liquid feels so good. "Your call was our hottest tip. It was what gave us your location in the end. We watched the videos from the security cameras at the courthouse in Miami. There wasn't much footage. It happened in a few seconds. The security cameras showed you talking to Krimov before you walked into the bathroom. It's the last time you were recorded. The kidnapper got you out via the windows. A few minutes before you walked into the bathroom a red haired woman walked in. Her name is Natalia Davidson. She worked for Tanner. They met in prison. Natalia got out of prison two weeks after Tanner got in."

Natalia... the woman's name is Natalia. "Did you caught her?"

"Yes. But she didn't know much. She was just there to knock you out and get you in a car. She drove the car to an airport. They masked you by saying you were an organ donator for a hospital in Rio. You were unconscious the whole flight. Until you woke up in a load house on Corcovado."

Corcovado. That's the name of the mountain I climbed. It's why I saw the Cristo Redactor statue. I was on the Corcovado.

"I was in the jungle. I was in the Brazilian jungle..." I mumble. I can't believe I was on the Corcovado.

"We found you in a skyscraper in the city of Rio. One of those which were built for the Olympic Games but wouldn't be used because of destructive mistakes." His eyes scan my face. "Do you know how you got there?"

I shake my head, feeling pain. "No. I remember running through the jungle. The kidnappers were chasing me. I got bitten by an ant. I felt the poison running through my veins. My feet hurt. I had no shoes on. I made shoes out of the cardigan I was still wearing. After an eternity of running I finally reached the Brazilian Slums. I asked a man for help. He brought me into a house. He argued with his wife. Then I passed out." I make a pause, feeling my voice losing strength again. Goosebumps start covering my skin. He offers me the cup of tea again. I take another sip. "Somehow the kidnappers found me. The woman sold me for money. I tried to run again, but I felt so weak. They caught me and injected something via a needle. I woke up in the skyscraper." He listens closely to me. "There were a lot of people… They gave me drugs to stay awake. It was... horrific. I thought... I thought I knew what pain was. I thought I knew how strong pain can be... I had no idea." I say with tears in my eyes. I feel my lips shaking and my jaw therefore pulsing in pain. I am feeling pain now but then... back then I was pain. I embodied pain... pulsing pain, sharp pain, strong pain, weak pain and the pain I thought I'd never survive. But I did. I am alive. "Did you find Tanner and the other men?"

He clenches his teeth, "They all got eliminated."

"How many?"

I can see anger in his eyes. "Eighteen people."

Eighteen... God that's more than a football team! "How many of them did you eliminate?"

"Three." His answer is short, his voice is filled with peace. "Tanner, Joshua and Carlos. They were the head of the gang."

I remember them being on the list. We had no idea where they were. Probably all eighteen people were on the list. We had no idea they were working together. We thought it was only one person we should look for... not a gang. I gulp, "And there won't be any consequences?" In the last days I have not seen a police officer once. No one questioned me about what happened. I thought it was because I was doing so poorly.

"No. I cleared that with Scotland Yard and the Brazilian government. There are no records. No official investigation. We deleted every single file, burned every piece of paper. Officially it didn't happen. I used Seth's gun. He said he'd understand and do the same." his lips form a thin line and his eyes widen for a second.

"Did you just shoot them?"

"Why are you asking?"

"Because I need to know if you've let out the monster they turned you into."

He tilts his head to the side, his eyes scanning mine. He wants to know if I really want to know.

"Tell me. What did you do?"

He leans back, creating a distance I don't want. He did something horrible. Suddenly, his hand reaches out for mine "I let them suffer. After we found you..." he licks his lips, "I tortured them in ways I've been taught at the NSA. In ways that make amends for your pain. For your suffering."

I feel chills going down my spine, "How?"

"Gabriella..." he shakes his head, "Don't make me wanna tell you about the monster I was to make amends for my wife's pain. Please don't."

"I love every shade of you. I love the angel and the devil in you. I even love the monster inside."

He bites his lip, "Gabriella please."

I stay strong to his glance. I have to know. Otherwise my mind won't stop creating scenarios. Otherwise my husband won't sleep through the nights. He needs to tell me just as much as I need him to tell me. "Tell me or else you're going to have nightmares and you start kicking me during the nights again. We've been there before. We're not doing it again. Do you understand? Tell me what you did. Tell me how you killed them. Don't leave out the horrific details. Your shit is mine, remember?"

With closed eyes he sighs before his dark orbs look into mine, "There was a tool kit, that I used. The tools were already dirty, covered in blood and rust. I knew it was your's. I started with ripping out their nails out. With pliers. Finger by finger, toe by toe. I needed this to be clean. I didn't know what I wanted to do in the beginning. I had no plan. Then I broke their fingers with a hammer. One hammer stroke. Bone by bone, toe by toe. I was precise. After that I started doing the same to their teeth and jaws. 32 teeth, 28 teeth and 30 teeth. Five were out of gold, two out of ceramic. Their mouths were full of blood and they started coughing. Suddenly, I didn't care if it was messy or not. Next I started shattering their patellas before doing the same to their elbows by shooting with Seth's gun. I used six bullets for that. The last time I used in a gun was way before we met, but it felt like no time passed. I enjoyed it... But it wasn't enough for what they've done so I started cutting into their flesh with scissors I found. I cut deeply, through the skin, the fat, the muscles until I saw organs." He stops as he sees the expression on my face. It's somewhere between horror and amends. "I was careful. I didn't want them to pass out due to the pain. I needed them alive. I know exactly how much pain a person can tolerate before they die. Their cries were not strong enough. Their pleas not good enough. I stopped until I held the heart in my hands. Until I held the last beating, pulsing organ in my hands. I didn't squeeze. I didn't gave them an heart attack when they asked me to. I ripped it apart. With my fingers, with the muscles in my hands and arms. It was only then when the cries were shrill enough and my mind started feeling calmer. I did this three times. I would have done it a million times, only to make amends for what they've done to you."

A monster is an understatement for what they turned him into. They deserved everything he did to them. They deserved an excruciating death. I take his hand and kiss his knuckles, "Thank you."

"Don't thank me for something that was my fault in the beginning. I only cleaned up after my mistake."

"And that you did very well."

His response is silent. I can't believe he killed for me. He never killed anyone. Even with his kind of history, he has never killed anyone. Until now. Until he met me.

"What else did you find there?" I ask him, sensing that there's something he isn't telling me.

"There's… there's a video." he brushes through his hair. "It's why we found you in the skyscraper."

"They recorded it?" I ask in surprise. I didn't see a camera. At least, I don't remember one.

"Yes." his voice is full of anger and contempt. "They wanted to blackmail me."

I feel a shiver going down my spine. "Did you…" I close my mouth. I can't ask him that.

His blue orbs have crack in them. "I couldn't bring myself to watch it yet. But I will. Seth and his team saw the tape. The faces I looked at when they told me there's a video... Something cracked inside of me as I saw their eyes telling me you won't survive this, telling me they haven't seen such things before."

I shake my head, "Don't watch the video. It won't help you. You will only feel pain and guilt... and anger. Don't do this to yourself. Please don't beat yourself up for this. You killed them. You got your revenge. Do you feel better now?"

"I would have felt better if they didn't kidnapped you. Let alone have you for three days." His features are stiff. He's angry.

"It's over." I whisper to him. "I am alive. I survived."

He presses his forehead against mine, "Thank God, you survived... thank god, you're alive."

"I told you I wouldn't let you out of this marriage so easily."

His smile is all I need. It's why I fought.

"I love you." I whisper again.

"I love you, too." He whispers back before kissing me softly. I feel the kiss echoing through my body. For the first time this morning I feel no pain. It lasts only a few seconds, but that's enough. For now.

"What happened to Krimov?"

He sighs, "My first instinct was to fire him..."

"Troy..." he did nothing wrong. Even he couldn't have foreseen this.

"I didn't do it. In fact he helped finding you."

"He's not gone?" I'm surprised. I thought he fired him. Or scared him of.

"No. He did nothing wrong. He didn't miss any signs... but I gave him the next week off. I don't think we need him."

"Good." I want to smile, but I don't have the strength out of the sudden. "What about Pastor Reed?"

His lips form a thin line again, "He's behind bars for the rest of his life. In case he does get out - for whatever reason - I can't guarantee you that I can hide the monster inside of me."

His blue eyes have darkened and I gulp. He's promising me to kill him if he gets out. He'll kill for me again...

"Shall I get Miley?"

I nod, I am not hungry anymore. "Yes."

He rises from the floor and picks up the tablet, which is almost empty. I watch him leaving the bedroom and hear my daughter's cry for me. I really hope Miley is going to help. Closing my eyes I relax for a few minutes. I am so tired. My body aches so much... I hear the door opening and I open my eyes again. I feel my body reacting with chills and sweat again. Troy was right. I am afraid of every little movement I can hear now. I am afraid of every person coming close to me. I see my blonde best friend walking in, holding a makeup bag in her hands.

"I would like to hug you or hold your hand or anything but after yesterday... Boy, I've heard Troy yelling no but Ryan's arms were already around you. It was too late and you... you screamed. I've never heard that sound before. It was pure pain, pure horror... it was heartbreaking. I mean, we were all in tears when you left. Ryan was so sorry and so full of fear. And the stairs... God, stairs never sounded so painful. I will never be able to walk down stairs the same way before."

I don't know what to respond. Ryan had no idea in how much pain I am. He didn't knew... he meant well. I would have done the same.

"You look absolutely horrible." She says, sitting next to me. "How much pain are you feeling?"

I focus her bright blue eyes, "I felt like death in the last days... now, I feel like dying."

"That doesn't sound like an improvement to me. But let's see how much I can cover up." She says, opening the tiny bag in front of her.

"It's big improvement. There's a huge difference between feeling dead and feeling like dying."

She fishes out foundation and a brush. "To me it's the same."

"I'm alive. That's all what counts." I say. I stopped rating my pain. There is no number for the pain I felt, for the pain I am feeling. It's too strong to rate it.

"We were all so scared, Gabs." Her voice is soft as she starts putting foundation on my face and neck. I wince as I feel every brushstroke echoing in pain through my body.

"I know..." I was scared as well. I thought I'd die. I thought I wouldn't survive this. But I did. I survived. I am alive.

"Troy was... God, I've never seen him this way. He was so helpless. So full of anger... so full of worry and guilt. He was a whole different person. Even Lucas said he had never seen him like this."

I gulp, trying to avoid imagining being in his position. I would have freaked out. I would have done everything I could to get him back. I would have given my life to save him.

"He told us what really happened on New Years Eve." She says as she puts on concealer for the worse hematoma. "I have no idea how he can deal with you and not cry all the time. I mean, it must've tear him apart. I know it would tear me apart."

I gulp, feeling pain going through my body, "I'm waiting for his breakdown as well."

"He's too strong for a breakdown."

"He's human."

"He saved you… Because you saved him. You guys are constantly saving each other."

I don't respond. I don't know how. We save each other... because we don't exist without each other.

"Why didn't you guys inform us earlier about New Year's? We could have helped. This whole fucked up situation was a family thing."

"You know why." I answer simply back. She puts blush on my cheeks.

She sighs, "Troy jumped into the plane a day after you flew to Miami. He was torn between taking Adaline with him and letting her here with us. We promised to take the best care of her we could - and not let Diana alone with her. Lucas told me what happened that night... how she attacked you and Troy threw her out. Why didn't you tell me? We're family. Literally."

I close my eyes, "Diana and Troy... it's complicated. They love each other, they are afraid of one another, they protect themselves from each other..."

"Diana attacked you with a knife!" Miley breathes out. "She could have killed you!"

I open my eyes, "She's sick."

"That's not an excuse."

"You sound like Troy."

"Because he's right."

"Next time someone attacks you, shoots at you or tries to kidnap you, you tell me!"

I smile at her, "Okay."

"I love you." her blue eyes are glassy.

"I know. I love you, too."

"You showed me what family really is. You are my family, Gabriella. Without you..." she gulps, "Look at where we are. We're with loving caring men, who'd do anything. We live in beautiful houses... you have a daughter." Tears start rolling down her cheeks, "And now think of where we could have been if we hadn't met. I'd have starved myself to death by now for sure. Kelsi would have killed herself, too. And Ryan... He would have taken an overdoses at one of these Upper East Side parties. And you..." she shakes her head, "You'd be all alone."

I feel tears building in my eyes too. "Don't think of what could have been. Think of what is right now."

She nods, "Yes..."

"How did Adeline deal with us being gone?"

"Not good." She says before covering my lips with chopstick. They are still a bit cracked. She puts on a nude coloured lipstick. "It was very hard for us to calm her down. She was crying. She was crying for her mother. It sounded different than before. She wasn't hungry, she didn't need her diaper to be changed, she didn't want her attention. She wanted you. She ached for you and Troy. She wanted her parents so badly."

I feel tears building in my eyes again.

"It's the same way she's crying now. It's just like you said, she has a different tone for different needs." Her blue eyes scan my eyes, "I think now you look a lot less demolished."

"Do you think I'm going to traumatise her?"

She shakes her head, "She wants you. She doesn't care how you look like. She wants to see you, feel you. She loves your heart not your appearance."

"I can't hold her. I can't raise my arms yet."

"She'll be pleased with a finger for now, I think." My blonde best friend says with a smile on her lips.

I nod, "I'm ready for her."

"Okay." Miley rises from bed and I watch her walking out of the bedroom. I close my eyes, inhaling deeply. I can do this. I won't traumatise her. She'll be fine. She'll be fine...

The door opens and I can see Troy walking in. He's holding our daughter. She's a little moody, but she stops the second she's in the room. She really must be able to smell me. Or feel my presence or something. It's amazing.

"How do I look?" I ask him. I haven't looked in a mirror, but I trust Miley.

He closes the door with his free hand before looking at me. "Pain free." He says simply. I am glad he doesn't lie.

I nod, "Good." I don't feel like it. But at least I look like it.

He walks over to me, "Where shall I lay her down?"

I can't have her weight on my legs. She might be light and tiny but my body is too sensitive. It would be too painful. I strike the blanket next to me, smoothing the surface before Troy lays her down. She protests at first, but stops as she lays down next to me. Her bright blue orbs start looking at me and I feel my lungs losing air. God, this glance! It feels like she's looking straight into my soul. She makes me feel emotionally naked. Just like with her father, there's nothing I can hide from her. I bite my lip before I start fondling her cheek with my forefinger. She has grown so much... I can't believe how much I missed. Suddenly, her hand wraps around my forefinger and I gasp. Her eyes look into mine and I know she's forgiven me. She forgave me. For leaving her.

I feel tears building in my eyes as we stare at each other. Troy was right. She doesn't need me to hold her or feed her or walk around with her. She just needs me next to her. Looking at her. Giving her comfort. It's enough. It's all I am able to give and for her it's enough. She's amazing. My daughter is amazing. I can feel weight on the bed and I look at my husband. He's sitting next to me on the edge of the bed with his elbow he reaches out for her. I can't see him clearly as my vision is still a bit blurry from my tears, but I know he's just as in awe with her as I am.

"Are you okay?"

I nod, "I am feeling." I say in a whisper.

He smiles, before his fingers brush through my hair. "You are?"

"Yes. I feel… everything. Joy, gratitude, fear… love. A lot of love. It feels like waves of emotions inside of me." I am amazed. By everything.

"You feel…" he echoes.

"Yes." I agree with him before I look at our daughter again. She looks so happy. She looks satisfied. She got her will after all. She's with me. Her mother. And I'm not going anywhere. "God, she's so beautiful…" I breathe out, watching her stretch her arms and legs while her hands are still glued on my forefinger.

"She is…" I can hear my husband agreeing with me and for the first time I am just as in awe of her as the rest of my family is. I can feel my heart nearly bursting with my love for her. She's our's… I can't believe we created her. I can't believe I carried her for 42 weeks… I can't believe how perfect she is. How stubborn… how strong... how beautiful. She yawns before her eyelids start closing. She's sleepy, but she doesn't let go of my forefinger.

"She's afraid you'll be gone when she wakes up." Troy voices my thoughts.

"I won't go anywhere." I promise her in a whisper, watching her fall asleep. I could watch her all day and night. She's so beautiful, so perfect... so genuine. "Call Melinda. You won't be able to handle me and Adaline at the same time." I say, looking at my husband. A newborn is a hell lot of work for their parents anyway, but dealing with her alone and caring for a helpless partner on the other hand... he won't handle it.

His lips form a thin line and I know he doesn't like this idea.

"I won't be as afraid of her as with a different nurse. I know her. I know how she interacts with me."

"No."

"Troy… you have your firm, Adaline… and me? That's too much. You need a break. You need time to breathe. You need time for yourself."

"I have a five minute break in the mornings and evenings when I meditate. I don't need more. What I need is to know you guys are safe. Alive."

I close my eyes, there's no need to start an argument. I'm home for less than 24 hours and already arguing with my husband. "Fine." I'm giving in. It's the best option right now. "But ask Dr. Gardener to make home visits please. I don't want to walk down those stairs again. At least, not until I've recovered a bit."

He places his hand on mine, "Dr. Gardener will be here this afternoon."

I can't help but smile, "You're thinking ahead. Maybe you really are able to take care of your beaten up wife and sleeping daughter after all, Mr. Bolton."

He smirks, "Just know, I would kiss you dizzy right now."

"My favorite kind of kisses."


I can't see anything. I am going out of air. Water is still storming onto me. I won't survive. Not this time. Not this time… I feel my vision getting dark as the cloth on my face gets lifted. They stopped, but I don't think it was soon enough.

I open my eyes full of shock. My heart is beating heavily in my chest, my nerves are screaming in pain. I look to my right and see Troy sitting in an armchair, holding my hand. His bright blue eyes are soft. "You are safe."

I want to smile, but that would hurt too much. Usually he would greet me or kiss me. But now... now his first words are you are safe. He has told me this every time I awoke from one of my flashbacks. Every single time. I don't count and I think neither does he. He will tell me this until I believe it. Until the flashbacks are not as scary, not as real, as they are right now.

"I'm safe." I repeat in a whisper.

He nods before his lips kiss my knuckles, "Yes you are."

Adaline's gone. I must've fallen asleep after eating lunch - or rather being fed. Where is she? The door opens and I can hear footsteps. For a second I want to run again, but then I remember where I am. I am in my safe harbor. I am home.

I watch Dr. Gardener walking over to my bed, stopping across me. Her dark brown hair is open, her eyes widen as she sees me. In her hands she holds a folder with information about my condition and her doctor bag. Home visits have something magical.

"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Bolton. Mrs. Bolton how are you feeling?" There's a smile on her lips. I have no idea where she finds the strength to smile.

"I am in pain. But I am also getting better." I know how scary I look like - how abused my bones are, how dark the hematoma on my skin are... I look like a victim that's escaped. I look worse than any of these Hollywood movies could capture.

She opens the folder and holds up the x-rays from my bones."You have several bruised rips and other bruised bones. There are no fractures. It's a miracle. Your blood test is not as good as it should be. Have the doctors in Brazil considered putting you in a coma?"

"Yes." Troy says for me.

"Considering these pictures it would have been the better choice." she says before she looks at my MRTs. "What medication have you been prescribed?"

Troy gives her the bottles containing the pills. I watch Dr. Gardener reading the labels before walking over to me. "Okay, I'm going to give you stronger pain killers. They can make you a little nauseous and make you very sleepy, which is exactly what your body needs. You need to sleep as much as possible. And you also need to hydrate. Drink a lot of water. You also need a better salve for the wounds. Clean the wounds every two days." she places the bottles on the nightstand next to me. "And now please raise a little so I can check your heartbeat and lungs." she asks me.

I lift my upper body, not masking the pain. My bruised hips pulse in pain as Dr. Gardener places her stethoscope on my heart. I bite my lip as I feel the cold steel touching my skin. It hurts. Breathing hurts.

"Inhale as deeply as you can." she says and I do as she tells me to. My body responses by shaking, my eyes by tearing up. My nerves go crazy as pain rushes through me. This is not fun. "Okay." Dr. Gardner says putting the stethoscope away from my upper body. "That didn't sound good, I'm not gonna lie."

"It fits to my condition." I joke and have no idea where I find the strength to.

She doesn't smile, "Your rips are still very bruised, but your heart sounds okay. It's beating a bit faster than it should, but that's understandable. Your lungs are still not using their full capacity, but that's going to get better over the weeks. I have to check your blood pressure as well." She gets out a pressure cuff. "That may be uncomfortable." she slowly wraps it around my right arm in height of my heart. I wince as she starts pumping air into it. It hurts. It's not uncomfortable, it's painful. I feel pressure on my arm, I feel nerves reacting with pain, I feel my eyes reacting with tears. This is so painful…

"Good, your blood pressure is a bit too low." she looks at Troy as she opens the pressure cuff, "I need you to check her blood pressure twice daily. And every time she feels dizzy. Give her one of these if it's too low." she gets an orange bottle with pills out of her bag before placing it on the night stand. She looks at me, "Follow my finger." she says and moves her finger from left to right, up and down and right to left. "Do you feel dizzy?"

"No."

"Nauseous?"

"No."

"Okay." she walks away from me, before holding up her hand. "How many fingers am I holding up?" she ask me.

I squeeze my eyes and feel my head responding with pain. "Four?" I guess.

She lowers her hand, shaking her head. "Three would have been correct." She sighs as her hands dig into her bag once more. "To be honest, I would like to have you in a hospital bed on watch 24/7 for at least two weeks." she says to me.

"I don't want this." I say back. I spent already enough days in a hospital.

"It would be the better option."

"It's not an option at all." I hiss back.

She chuckles before looking at Troy, "You have a stubborn wife there."

He smiles at her, "Oh you have no idea..."

She gets out three bottles and one tub before she looks at my husband again. "These are for the night." she holds up the first bottle, "Those for the pain. No more than five a day, but I think two will do the job." she places the first and second bottle on the nightstand. "The third bottle is for supporting your liver. One every two days." she places the third bottle on the nightstand, "And the salve for the wounds." the puts the salve next to the four bottles. My nightstand looks like pharmacy. Dr. Gardener looks at me again, "You are a very strong woman, Mrs. Bolton. You'll need this strength in the next six weeks. Recovery won't be easy - it will be a hell lot of pain. From the bruised rips to your bruised hips, every movement will hurt. But just know it's going to get better. You will recover from this. Physically and mentally. Take one step at a time. Don't rush it. Just walking through this room will feel like a marathon for you. Take care, will you?"

I nod, "If not, I have my husband who will."

She smiles at me before she looks at Troy, "If you need anything call me. No matter the day or time. Call me."

"Yes, we will. Thank you Dr. Gardner."

"I'll pay a visit in two weeks. You have a great family supporting you." she smiles as she picks up her bag and walks out of the room. I can see Lucas standing in the hallway, waiting for Dr. Gardener to come out. I guess he let her in and will escort her out. Lucas hasn't stepped into the bedroom. I guess he's still terrified from my appearance. Troy closes the door behind her.

"Where's our daughter?" I ask in a whisper.

"She's with Miley, who tied her in one of the wraps you bought. She loves getting carried that way. They are downstairs, making music. Playing the piano, singing… Adaline's laughing her heart out and babbling along. Just wait until you see those two in action."

I smile. Making music… "I think our daughter is coming more after me than you."

He returns my smile before sitting down on the bed next to me, "I agree with you on that one."