Requested by: Manu259

Current Client: Cú Chulainn

Irisviel: Angry man walking toward me with a spear. ANGRY MAN WALKING TOWARD ME WITH A SPEAR.

Cú Chulainn: Hey, lady, I need some help.

Irisivel: I SWEAR I DIDN'T – wait, what? Uh, yeah, sure! I can help. What seems to be the problem?

Cú Chulainn: I keep dying.

Irisviel: You aren't human!

Cú Chulainn: What?

Irisviel: I'm sorry, I just felt like saying that. Ahem. Do expand.

Cú Chulainn: There's nothing to expand on! In all three routes of Fate/Stay Night I die a horrible death, and I want to live!

Irisviel: Almost everyone dies in Fate/Stay Night. It's just that kind of story. I die horribly in my own story, too.

Cú Chulainn: I could at least last a little longer! I'm the disposable character! I'm the laughingstock!

Irisviel: Oh my.

Cú Chulainn: AND THEN people have the nerve to complain that I'm too hard to kill in Fate/Grand Order! WELL EXCUSE ME FOR WANTING TO SURVIVE!

Irisviel:...

Cú Chulainn: Lady? Why are you hiding under your desk?

Irisviel: You're kind of scary, you know.

Cú Chulainn: Thank you. So what can you do for me?

Irisviel: D-do for you?

Cú Chulainn: About the whole dying thing?

Irisviel: H-hey, I'm not in charge of who dies or anything. How am I supposed to keep you from dying? Heck, how are you even here? Most people stay down after they've died, even if they've only died once.

Cú Chulainn: Go on. Say it. I dare you to.

Irisviel: People die when they are –

Cú Chulainn: You're useless. I'll just find a way to survive on my own.

Irisviel: Good luck with that. Wait, on second thought, maybe that's not the best goodbye wish...