A/N: Phew. This chapter ended up so much longer than expected. There may be an epilogue for this-I'm not quiet sure yet. Ya'll enjoy and thank you for the reviews. I had fun writing this one. Until next time-ya'll are the best-PCGirl.
Finishing his call with Anna, John knew that what little life he had in Port Charles was now over. Focusing ahead he looked at Jessica's car in front of him and went again into deep thought.
Natalie had DID. That idea had never crossed his mind. He'd never pictured her as the type to have something cause her psyche to split. He actually wasn't sure what it was-he hadn't thought to ask.
Because he knew it didn't matter-what did was getting back to his son. And then finding a way to work his way back into Natalie's life in more than a co-parenting kind of way.
Looking at the time he decided he could make one more call before they got into Llanview.
"Hey, bro. What's going on?" asked Michael as his voice filled the car from it's Bluetooth.
"I'm about 30 minutes out of Llanview."
"Really? That's awesome. You talked to Natalie finally?"
"You don't sound surprised," said John realizing his brother already knew something. "When did you find out?"
"Find out what exactly?" he said, trying to play coy and knowing he was failing at it.
"Her DID."
Michael sighed, "About a month ago."
"And you thought I didn't need to know?"
"It wasn't my place, John. It's hers, and she's told you now so who found out when is kind of a moot point."
It was John's turn to sigh now, "I know. I just-I wish I could have helped her get through it."
"I know. And she knows you would have wanted to be there too. But she also had to prove to herself once again that she's strong and in control, and this most likely for her will not happen again."
"Tell me what I need to know about this. I mean I've seen Tess around before-but I really didn't pay as much attention as I should have."
"It's not really my field of expertise, John. I just think you and Natalie have to decide what you want and the two of you work towards whatever that common goal is. If it's just parents to start off with then don't push it further.
"John's talking to someone back there," said Natalie as she looked in the rearview and could make out his lips moving and his hands waving a bit. "Probably Sam," she said with a chuckle.
Jessica gave her a side eye at that comment, "I doubt that. He seems pretty eager to get home."
"He wants to give us another shot," said Natalie softly, focusing on the passing landscape.
"How do you feel about that?" asked Jessica, knowing a part of her sister was wanting them to get it right, but then there was the part of her that was reluctant. Tricia had been so verbal on her dislike for John and the stress he caused them.
"I love him. Despite Tricia's warnings and thoughts on him I do love him. But we hurt each other so often-if Liam weren't in the picture I really could just have walked away this time. But I can't do that to my son."
"Natalie-will you look for something in my purse. Look in the zipper pocket and there's a jewelry pouch. Hand it to me." Natalie did as her sister asked and then watched her pull out the engagement ring, "John gave this to you not just because you are Liam's mother. He gave it to you because you two were about to start your life together."
"Until he had to chase another ghost, Jess."
"Then call him out on that. Call him out on kissing another woman. But don't hide behind your DID just because you can now. You are better than that, Natalie. You never have hidden behind anything or anyone. Why now?"
Natalie glared at her sister, not saying a word, but instead picked up her phone and dialed. Looking in the mirror she could see him glance at the caller ID before answering.
"Hey-you ok up there?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Listen, when we get back to town, I need to go to Llanfair for something, but then I'll meet you at the house, ok?"
"Ok, I'll see you at home," he said, hanging up and wondering what that was about.
Natalie rung her hands as she paced the living room. She had expected John to be here when she arrived, but he wasn't. She hoped he didn't give up and decide to go back to Port Charles. Hearing the key in the door she turned to see him coming in and couldn't help but smile, "Hey."
"Hey. You ok?" he asked, noting that she seemed surprised he was here.
"Yeah-I just was surprised I beat you home, that's all."
"I wasn't sure how long you were going to take. Stopped at Rodi's to check up on things."
"I need to tell you something about that."
"The safe and the night deposit?" he asked and watched her hang her head in shame at what Tricia had done. He reached out and lifted her chin, so she'd look him in the eye, "It's ok, Natalie."
"No, it's not. I stole from us. I stole from Liam's future."
"You didn't. Tricia did. Jeff also told me that Jessica brought the money to replace it the day it happened."
"Yeah, I paid her back already."
He nodded; his hands stuffed in his pockets as he walked around the room. Looking at Natalie he was reminded how much they had been through already, and he wondered how much more they would be, "So, you want to tell me about her?"
Natalie walked towards the couch and motioned for him to sit, "Apparently she split back when I was young. When Roxy would leave me at the strip joint or the pool hall for too long while she gambled. Normally, I would put on my brave face and be strong. But a kid shouldn't grow up in those, you know?"
John nodded, he always hated hearing how rough of a childhood she had, this was no exception, "So that's what she did-protected you?"
"Yeah, there was some guy watching us once and I got scared. She came out and kept her eyes opened for predators and such. The first time she ever showed her face in Llanview was apparently while I was in that pit Hayes held me in."
"I should have found you quicker," he said, feeling guilty at how long she was missing back then.
"But eventually you did," she said with a tenderness she usually gave him when he started beating himself up about something in the past.
"Again, she was a guard. She was protecting me and letting me rest. I was scared to close my eyes for fear that something would happen, but she wasn't. It may have been because of her that I lasted as long as I did down there.
"The next time was in the basement of Llanfair. She thought I was starting to split again and came out to stop it. When Jared found us, she felt safe enough to let me come back out. She loved Jared, by the way."
"She must hate me," he laughed.
"Yeah, she's pretty vocal about her dislike of you," said Natalie, unable to keep a slight laugh from coming out.
"I wish I could talk to her," he said out loud.
Natalie looked at John hard, surprised at his words before reaching for the television remote, "You can't-but you can see what she said about you. Maybe that will help," she said and pressed play for the DVD she'd picked up from Llanfair earlier.
John watched Natalie appear on the screen-sitting across from who he assumed was Dr Jamison. Looking at her closer he could see a slight difference-the way she held herself with more anger than he was used to with Natalie.
"Tricia, I want to discuss John McBain with you today."
"What for?" she said shortly.
"He's a part of Natalie's life. And I can tell you have some pretty strong feelings for him."
"If those feelings are of distrust then yes, I suppose so."
"Why do you distrust him?"
"Because he hurts us-he says and does things that make you think he cares for Natalie and then turns around and does the complete opposite. And he's never been able to love her unconditionally. Not like Jared did."
"Do you want to give me an example of when he's hurt Natalie?"
"This last time. He bought a house with her-proposed to her. Made her think that this was it-she was finally getting her happy ever after. But the whole time he's away chasing after another ghost and I guess falling for some new woman. I don't understand it-I don't understand why we aren't enough."
"We?" repeated the doctor.
"Well, Natalie-when does she get her happy ending?"
Dr Jamison nodded and made a few notations on his paperwork before speaking again, "Once you are integrated again-if Natalie chooses to go back to John how will you feel about that?"
"I guess I'd have to accept it-I mean she's the true personality. I'm just a split of her psyche, right?"
"I think you are more than that, Tricia. From what I've seen of Natalie in the past with Jessica and Tess, and what I hear about her-she's strong. And she's always pulled that strength from you. You two need to be reintegrated so her life can continue as normal as possible. Do you see how important you are to her?"
"Yeah," she said with a surprising smile.
"Good," he said as he made a few notes on his paperwork. "I think that's enough for today. Natalie-I want you to focus on Liam and step back forward," he said as he clicked a remote that ended the recording.
John watched as the screen went blank-not saying a word but just soaking up what he'd just heard. Looking over at Natalie he saw the tears in her eyes. He turned towards her and took her hands in his, holding them tightly as he stared in her eyes and started talking, "I don't know how any of this works-I don't know if she can hear me, but I want to say this to Tricia. I'm thankful for you and I'm sorry.
"I'm thankful because you protected Natalie so much-especially when she was a little girl and was in a position she never should have been. I'm here now though-and I'm going to protect both of you, if Natalie will let me.
"And I'm sorry to both of you-sorry that I went chasing after another damn ghost that never needed chasing. I shouldn't have-I should have done what was asked of me by Blair and come back home immediately. If would have stopped a lot of heart ache this year from happening.
"I want to be better-and I know it won't be easy, but I'd like to try," he said with a sigh and let go of Natalie's hands to wipe away the tears that were showing on her cheeks. "I want to remind you what unconditional love is-I want you to know you will always have it from me."
"John," she said softly. "My whole life I've had to fight for myself. Fight for food and shelter with Roxy, fight for my place in the Buchanan family. And now, for past few months I've had to fight to just exist.
"Tricia-she did some of that fighting also-fighting to keep me safe from predators or serial killers. Fight to keep me from having another persona. She said that you didn't love us unconditionally-but she was wrong. You've given me more than that.
"You've let me cry when I need to cry. You've let me fight-for the most part-when I need to fight, " she said with a slight laugh and wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes. "And you've let me walk away from us when I need to do so.
"I still don't know what's going to happen next. But I'd like for you to be there by my side through it all."
"Of course," he said as he touched her cheek and let it linger there for a moment before leaning forward and giving her a kiss. He had planned on it being light and quick, but he felt the sudden heat of passion between the two of them and leaned more into her, laying her onto the leather couch. He forced himself to stop-not wanting to hurt her or go any further unless she wanted to. Pulling back, he looked in her eyes and saw the passion in them that burned his soul. The look she would give him when they were alone in their bed. "Natalie," he said quietly.
She smiled at hearing him say her name like that-not like when they were at the station and he was getting her attention for a case, but in the privacy of their room. When the only thing in the world that mattered was the other. "Make love to me, John," she said as she reached her hand up and placed it gently on the side of his face.
He turned his face into her hand and kissed her palm before looking back at her, a boyish grin appearing on his face before speaking, "With pleasure."
