Chapter nine
"Orders and Friendship"
In the afternoon Tom got to Mike's room and knocked.
"Come in", Tom heard and entered. To his astonishment Sasha was sitting on the couch. When Mike looked up he said, "Ah, Tom good to see you. I have some things to discuss with you, actually with both of you." He gestured Tom to sit down and handed him a sheet of paper. Tom looked at it while Mike explained the context of it.
"So, these are orders from the President. He wants you definitely on that plane the day after tomorrow. You and only you have to deliver the seeds. You are not allowed to give them to someone else except him. He will send you a driver who will bring you to the White House."
"That doesn't make sense. Why only me? The seeds are the most valuable things in the world. Why should it be only me to bring them home? I can't protect the seeds while my kids are with me. I can't leave them behind when we touch down."
"I know, I know." Mike told him. "Your kids are allowed to come with you. There is more".
"What?" Tom asked curiously between Mike and Sasha.
"It was planned that Sasha gets on the plane and brings the seeds back to St. Louis. She and other Navy Intelligent officers should bring them directly to the President. But they were ordered back. The President only wants you. Either he trust only you or it is a trap."
"You think…?" Tom couldn't end the sentence. "Then why should I do it alone now? And with the kids in tow. How can I protect the seeds when I have to protect my children?" Tom asked angrily again. He continued before Mike could interrupt him. "And everyone should know by now that I would protect my kids first before anything else. So why putting me in that position?" Tom was furious now, pacing through his former cabin.
"I don't know, Tom. I'm sorry. That was my exact thinking." Mike said with a sight, looking at Sasha. "This is why I asked Sasha to join you on the plane. So that you have someone to look after the kids if something will come up." "
Tom looked at Sasha. "So are you coming with me, then?" He asked hopefully.
Sasha looked distressed. "Tom, I don't know what is going on but there is definitely something going on. I was ordered back from my boss. I'm absolutely not allowed to be on that plane. I have to follow these orders since I blew up with the Fletcher incident to save my career." She hoped that he could see her sincerity.
"So you both are telling me that I don't have any backup and my kids can be at danger?"
"Yes, I'm sorry." Mike stated.
"No, I don't do this!" Tom said angry, looking at them in disbelieve. "Not with the kids. Mike, you of all people should know what they got through. I told you. It took me months to get them settled and it took over a year that they don't have nightmares any more about their mother dying in front of them and about the fact that they were forced to look at the execution of their Grandfather!"
"Please, Tom you have to see our point. Our hands are tied with this," Mike tried to reason with him.
"No, they are not. Since when do you follow orders when it is strictly against your gut feeling?" Tom asked angrily.
"I'm not you, Tom." Slattery replied angry. What was Tom thinking? "You were the man who didn't follow orders. You were the man who turned his back towards the US when the President ordered you to come home. You made the correct choice at that time. Without these actions we wouldn't have a cure. But, Tom, I'm not such a man. I follow orders. I fall in line. Like you wished three years ago. I can't afford to turn my back against the Navy and my country and go to a vacation for sixteen months." Mike becoming angry with the stubbornness of Tom Chandler.
"So this is all about my so called vacation? You are angry with me about that and put my kids in danger?" Tom returned, his voice getting louder. "Do you think that that so called vacation was really a vacation to me? I needed that break to come to terms with my life and to hold the dark thoughts at bay. At that time I only wanted to pull the trigger and makeing my kids orphans. Do you think that this is a wonderful experience to see the gun in your hands? That you actually consider to do it? I loved to be on the James, but I couldn't do it any more. I'm sorry that I haven't called or send you a postcard." Tom stormed out of the room, shutting the door with a loud bang and leaving Mike and Sasha agape behind.
Sasha stared at the closing door and jumped a little bit when it shuts with a bang. "What was that? What did he just say? Pulling the trigger? Tom considering to commit suicide?"
"What…. What was that?" Sasha asked after she could wrap her thoughts around the things Tom just said. "He really considered to pull the trigger?"
"I don't know. But I've seen him on that plane, Sasha. He was devastated. He had bad thoughts, but I didn't know that it was that bad." Mike said still shocked of his friend's confession. Shaking his head he continued "You know I was furious with him when I saw this peaceful village and I thought really that he was on a vacation. Perhaps I thought wrong of him."
"It's the same with me. I never ever considered that he needed really that break. You know, it is Tom we are talking about. The mighty Tom Chandler who can do what he wants and be everybody's darling."
"Yeah, I know." Mike said deep in thoughts. And then he jumped up "You know, I have to go after him and talk about it. He's still my friend and I have to come to terms with all what happened." Mike went out of his room to find his friend and make things right. He knocked at Tom's door and opened it immediately. While entering he saw Tom turn around and face him.
"What do you want? Another accusations?" Tom asked mad.
"No, no at all. I wanted to apologize for my suggestions about the vacation." Mike said apologetic. "I'm really sorry and I didn't know what was going on with you." Mike said holding out his hand. He hoped that Tom would accept his apology. He didn't want to fight with him. Tom was and is his best friend after all. Tom got stiff the moment Mike entered the room. Seeing him now processing what Mike said, he could see him relaxing a little bit. "Perhaps I haven't blown up our friendship" Mike thought.
With a sight, Tom took his hand immediately and hugged him. "Apology accepted." He wanted his friend and brother back. Tom gestured to the chair while he went to sit on his bed.
"Thank you. So it was that bad for you, then? Those suicidal thoughts?"
" Yes, it was. But it's a long story." Tom sighed.
"I have time, though" Mike answered curious to know what was going on in his friend. Tom nodded his head.
"I shot Shaw although she was unarmed. I only wanted revenge for all those people who got killed by her actions: Val, Mitchner, Tex, my Dad. But by doing so I didn't felt relief, I only felt guilt. I did the same Shaw did: Taking lives. How am I to be the one who judges who can live or die?" He asked. Mike knew Tom wasn't expecting an answer. Tom continued "I was responsible for the death of Rachel and my Dad."
"What? What is he talking about?" Mike asked himself.
Tom continued "Did you know that Rachel came to my room that night and swayed her hips all the way? Her intentions visible. If I had taken Rachel to bed that night, she wouldn't be dead. I wasn't ready for another relationship. I had to mourn Darien and I thought it would be too early to introduce a new woman into my children's life. So I told her to be save and that she should find me when she has finished her task. She went back to her room and got shot because of my actions." Tom told. Mike knew that Rachel went to Tom's room but he didn't know that she wanted more of him than a normal friendship. Well, he could feel Tom's bad conscience. But no one could have seen ahead of what was happening that night.
"You aren't to blame, Tom. You couldn't know that the bastard was in the hotel and what he wanted to do. No one could have known. Don't be so hard against yourself."
"But, Mike it was my fault. She could have been save that night when I had given in." Tom argued.
"Yes, she could have been. But only for that one night. What about the other nights that would have come? You couldn't protect her. No one could."
Tom hang his head "And my father? When I had gone back to the US after we found you and the others on that island, my Dad and Tex would be alive." Tom argued again.
"But Tom, have you considered that perhaps you would be dead instead of these men?" Mike countered back. Playing the devil's advocate.
"Better me than any other men because of my actions." Tom said.
"And making your kids orphans? They lost their Mom for heavens sake. They would have been devastated when they would have lost you, Tom. You are the only person they have left!" Miked argued.
"Do you think I don't know that? But being responsible for so many deaths isn't something you want to walk around with pride."
"Oh course not. Have you thought about all the people you saved by bringing home the cure?"
"I didn't do that. That was Rachel."
"Oh no, it was Rachel who made the cure, but it was you who brought it back to the people. If you wouldn't be the person who you are, no one would be here any more." Mike's voice getting a little bit louder because he get depressed by the stubbornness of Tom Chandler.
Tom sighed and looked down at his hands. "Mike, I couldn't be the leader I was at that time 20 months ago." Tom confessed. Speaking the words for the first time out aloud. "I was so occupied with those thoughts that I couldn't think about a future and taking risks and go on with life as nothing had happened - so I left. Not thinking about leaving you or Sasha behind. I didn't thought at all. There was only a black hole inside of me. I functioned for the kids by making them something to eat but there was nothing more. We didn't laugh, we didn't talk. When I got back home, everything was destroyed. Someone, probably Shaw's men, rifled through our belongings in search for a glue to find my kids and father. Well, they found them and killed my father. You know the story. So when the nightmares didn't get better, I panicked and packed the bags and left St. Louis. I hadn't have a plan where to go. But I knew I couldn't stay in America. Too many people knew me and I wanted a low profile. So we went to Europe and we ended up in that Greek village."
"Again I'm sorry about what I said. I think I was jealous about your time off. It seemed you had a wonderful life there and no problems with any enemies. I didn't consider the other demons you had to fight" Mike said ashamed.
"I had a good life there, Mike." Tom confirmed looking in his eyes. "I had peace for a while. I had time to come to terms with my life and with my children. I had time to figure out what I have to do. And believe me or not, I thought about going back home and get in contact with you. But I'm honest, I didn't know how to contact you after all this time. When we settled down in Greece over four months had passed and calling the White House wasn't something I wanted to do. Considering that they could track my call back and know where to find me. So after so many months of no contact I thought it would be better to have no contact at all. I'm sorry, I didn't call."
"Ah, it's okay." Mike tried to appease him.
"No, it isn't." Tom said vehemently, knowing what Mike was up to. "You know, Alex and Yaya reminded me of my parents. They helped me with the kids. They could make them laugh, which I couldn't. With all those dark thoughts, I wasn't able to see the good things in life. Without the two of them I wouldn't be here any more, Mike. Alex hired me as a fisherman so that I had other things to think about and not to brood about my dark side. Being back at sea was something I missed terribly. And even if it was only a little boat, it felt a little bit like home. It was Alex who told me, that I can't run from destiny. And that it is my destiny to go back to the Navy and doing my job. Then Giorgio came along and killed Alex. So I went with Giorgio and that is how you found me back then in Sardinia."
Mike nodded his head, remembering the scene. "Yeah, it was Sasha who saw you first. She made a strange sound and looking at her I saw that something was wrong. So I looked in the direction of her gaze and saw you. I had to look twice to recognize you, but she knew directly who you were. I'm glad we found you there. I really missed you, you know." Mike said honestly.
"And I missed you and this ship and the crew. I didn't realized it till I got back to you all. Coming back onto the James was like coming home." Tom confessed.
"Yeah, I know what you mean. This ship is our home, Tom." Mike answered. "What I wanted to asked you since yesterday…." Looking at Tom a little nervous Mike hesitated "Why didn't you tell me that you got a girlfriend?"
"Cali?" Tom shrugged. "I don't know. Perhaps I was too ashamed that I got away from all the terrible work and could relax in that village and had a girl to shack with." He said nonchalantly.
"Don't be so hard on yourself. You didn't relax. If you would have done, you wouldn't know about the ship traffic in the Med or be with Giorgio at the time. So what is the real reason?"
Tom sighed "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you. You all seemed not so pleased about my return and bothering you with my private life wasn't an option. So I pretended that everything was like it was before I left. I know I have to do a lot to get your and the other's trust back. I'm not blind to the looks they give me since I came back on board."
They sat in silence for a little bit till Tom asked changing the subject "So you think it's a trap?"
"It's what my gut says." Mike confirming Tom's suggestion. "Let me think about an option we both can live with. We should talk about it tomorrow."
Their conversation was interrupted by a knock at the door. Looking up they saw Sasha entering the room.
"Hey, I wanted you to know that I called my boss. He confirmed again that I'm not allowed on the plane and that no one has to interfere in the great mission of getting Tom Chandler back to the US."
The two men looked at her. "What is he thinking? Mission of me getting back? Why should it be a mission?What is really going on?"
"I don't know, Tom. I really wanna know, too." Sasha said honestly.
"Ah another topic I wanted to talk with you about." Mike said to Tom. "As you know President Oliver had to give your position as CNO to someone else. It's Admiral Jonathan Smith now. So you can't be CNO again, if you thought going back and getting back your former position."
"Nah, I know I blew up my career when I walked away. I really didn't thought about getting my rank back when I joined you again. And honestly, I don't want that position back. It was very interesting and I would love to do the job, if I would be single and not a single parent. The working hours are miserable and with two children waiting for you to come home and wondering if you would be home at night isn't something a single parent should do. So I have to look for something else."
"Okay. That's a point. Any thoughts about what you want to do then?" Mike asked.
"Not really. I hope the President can come up with something interesting but working hours from 8am to 5pm. So I'm able to get the kids to school and be home when they come back."
"Well, interesting working hours. Wish I have them too," Mike stated. "But who knows, perhaps he has something in mind for you. So you came to terms to be on your own with the kids?"
"Had to, you know." Tom replied. The two men went on leaving Sasha out of their conversation. "But it was difficult to adjust and doing all the stuff Darien did. I wondered often how she had done all the things all those years. Thinking about food, cloths, school, everything." Mike nodded knowing what Chandler tried to say. Christine had done all those things too.
Sasha got a little bit uncomfortable with the topics and excused herself by telling them to look at some things. Tom followed her with his eyes, knowing exactly why she left. Mike on the other side didn't get it at all and asked "Why is she leaving? What does she have to work at?"
Tom eyed his friend with an incredulous look on his face. "Oh Mike, you should take a course in interpersonal relationships."
"Ha ha ha." he replied annoyed.
"Really. There was a course of lectures at the Academy twice a year. Every future Captain had to participate." Tom answered with a serious face.
"And now you tell me, there was a test at the end of the course."
"Yep, there was." Tom answered and gave him another serious look. "And you know what, got the best score ever."
"Seriously? There is a course for that bullshit?"
"Yeah, you can ask Meylan about it. He had passed the test."
"And why would you know about that, huh?" Mike asked nervously.
"Cause we participated at the same course," he said dryly while keeping a straight face.
"Will do." Mike was definitely irritated by now. So he changed the topic again and caught Tom red-handed. "What is going on between you and Sasha?"
"What? Nothing." Tom answered immediately.
"Bullshit." Mike paced in the room. "There is something, Tom. What is it?"
"I said nothing is going on with us." When Tom saw Mike's questioning eyes he continued. "You should really take that specific course, Mike. It would explain some things to you, you know?" Tom tried to get out of the treadmill but Mike gave him a look that said no arguing with me. He sighed. "I'm still in love with her, Mike. I tried not to be but I don't get her out of my mind. She is still haunting my dreams and she is constantly on my mind since I saw her back in Asia. And therefore I hadn't told you or her about Cali, because I feared that she wouldn't want me back. You know, she has a wicked right hook."
"Oh I know all about that hook. Was in the way and got it instead of the bad guy." Both men grinned.
"So we are good, then?" Mike asked.
"Yes, Mike. And thank you for everything you have done so far."
"That's what friends are for."
"I'm glad I have my brother back, Mike." Tom said relieved.
"Me too, Tom. Me too."
