DISCLAIMER: We don't own Naruto. Kishi does (lucky !#$%£).

NOTES: This is the result of an RP set in the same universe as my (Kaida's) AU story "Crossing Wires" (link in profile, in case you're confused). I'm Hidan, Rel is Temari. Contains strong language. Some slight Shika/Ino and Gaa/Saku for later chapters. Any grammatical errors/spelling mistakes have been left in ON PURPOSE because the format is email-style, and no email is perfect. Email addresses have had to have spaces entered, so that FF doesn't throw a spaz attack.

For the record, these are the characters we each play:

Rel = Temari, Shikamaru and Kankurou

Kaida = Hidan, Kakuzu and Gaara

Hope you enjoy. Thanks to the people who've reviewed so far! To others...PLEASE REVIEW!


To: sabakut acc. edu 'Surprisingly good cook'

From: hidan-techsupport acc. edu 'Hungry again'

Subject: Just to say...

Thanks for dinner! It was really fucking swell - I had no idea you could cook like that, seriously. Glad you invited me.

Your brothers were interesting. Well - the older one was a freakish jealous-possessive nut. Don't know what to say about that, noob. I think I'll just fucking move on, right? But Gaara was cool. Did you know he's got his eye on some lucky chick? Man, kids these days.

Just saw your last email. Didn't reply to it in class, what with being kicked out by that fucker Konan and all. And then I decided to just leave work and go shopping.

Heheh, what you felt could shadow a - I mean, sorry about that. That and the...hickey. Sorry.

Cook for me again? Thanks, Temari \(^_^)/ ---- just for you, noob

Hidan. X


To: hidan-techsupport acc. edu 'Uninvited guest'

From: sabakut acc. edu 'Reluctant hostess'

Subject: Re: Just to say...

Okay for starters I didn't invite you, you turned up at my house with no warning and Gaara for some reason I don't understand decided to let you in. And what part of it do you think went well? The part where Kankuro tried to beat you around the head with his crutches after he put two and two together about the hickey? Or the part where the two of you were competeing to see who could get the most expletives in a single sentence?

At least you had the decency to bring flowers I suppose.

Thank you ( even though Kankuro tried to put them down the waste disposal)

My brother....was confiding in you? Gaara? Gaara who it took four therapy sessions to even confirm his name to the psychologist? Gaara who would much rather set fire to than talk to strangers?

I...don't know what to say about that. (That must be why he was asking me for your e-mail address right?)

I'm glad you liked my cooking but it was just Ochazuke it's very basic. I bet you live on takeout or something don't you?

And what is '\(^_^)/' supposed to be? Some kind of computer language I don't know?

Temari


To: sabakut acc. edu 'Playing coy'

From: hidan-techsupport acc. edu 'Invited by the come-hither eyes'

Subject: Re: Re: Just to say...

Your cooking was great! I can SO cook - too much take out makes my skin bad, seriously. I'm just not that fucking good at it. Average, maybe. I get by.

Yeah, that Kankurou guy was fucking insane. I hope you keep him on a leash, seriously. Any more leeway and he'd be sticking you in a chastity belt with a zillion fucking padlocks. He way you've never had a boyfriend? Would NOT be surprised.

Gaara was cool, seriously. He knew things about fire I bet fucking professionals don't know. Did you know he burned down his gym? Well, duh. Of course you knew. But isn't that fucking wild? Shit.

Yeah I guess he wanted my email because of, you know. Girl problems. We've all been in that fucking boat at one point or another. You chicks, you get us bending over backwards like bitches, seriously.

You enjoyed my company, admit it. Don't think I didn't notice.

Hidan.

P.S. What are you, serious?! That's a SMILEY. Shit, didn't that chick Nara teach you anything? It's like a smiley face, only for computers. See - the dashes are the little arms, and the upwards things are the little happy fucking eyes...

Here's one ---- (#-_-#) that was you in class yesterday. See what I mean? Heh.


To: hidan-techsupport acc. edu 'Sees invitations that aren't there'

From: sabakut acc. edu 'Wouldn't even know how to play coy'

Subject: Re:Re: Re: Just to say...

I still don't think you'd be that impressed with my cooking if you were used to good food but nevermind.

You want me to cook for you again? Fine but it'll have to be at your place, Kankuro's eye twitches everytime you're mentioned. I don't want him having a complete breakdown while he's recovering from his accident.

He's not insane, he's just looking out for me (something you of all people should understand, need I bring up the Shikamaru incident). And like I need a chastity belt...

I've heard about Gaara's girl problems. I fail to see how you'll be any help to him, your methods aren't exactly stellar (I'm warning you, if you tell him to burn things I will kill you. Painfully.) Just don't turn my baby brother into some Don Juan wannabe okay?

And fine, it was....entertaining to have you around. If you and Kankuro had gotten on the evening might have even been pleasent.

Temari

PS A smiley? I thought they were those ':)' things? I guess it's kinda cute.


To: sabakut acc. edu

From: hidan-techsupport acc. edu

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Just to say...

You...at my place? Well fuck. Hell yeah - totally. Let's have a fucking party. Well, I mean fucking party, not fucking party, because that would...well, unless you - nevermind.

So...when?

Please - I wouldn't teach your brother anything he would find in any respectable book or DVD. And my methods work just fine, noob. I don't see any fucking problem with my methods from here, heheh.

How is the Nara chick, by the way?

Had a seriously GREAT evening, Temari. Let me know when you're gonna fucking hotfoot it down to here. Can't wait...

Hidan. X


To: hidan-techsupport acc. edu 'Not a bad host'

From: sabakut acc. edu 'Clumsy but still a great cook'

Subject: I had a good time...

Sorry I didn't reply to this before but since I bumped into you in the corridor there didn't seem much point.

I think Thursday night went...pretty well. I mean your apartment is suprisingly clean (and honestly far less girly than I was expecting. There were no framed pictures of yourself at all it was perception altering.)

I'm sorry for the whole falling into your lap incident. But it was either me or the scalding hot soup. And if I'd put two teachers out of comission in that area I really think the college might've got nervous about me attending.

And sorry I had to leave early....Kankuro you know. He didn't want me staying out too late and I really didn't want to leave him on his own anyway, not for the entire evening.

Hope the whole kiss on the cheek thing wasn't overstepping any student/teacher boundaries....wait a minute what am I saying? You gave me a hickey in class. I guess if that's not overstepping boundaries then nothing is.

Shikamaru is being pretty throughly chased by Ino. He's terrified and has taken to jumping at loud noises. I'm not sure whether to be amused or sympathetic but considering he told someone he had no right to that I was a virgin I think I'll go with spitefully amused.

I'm just off to let Ino know where he's hiding now...

Temari


To: sabakut acc. edu

From: hidan-techsupport acc. edu

Subject: Re: I had a good time...

I'm not your teacher, you realise that right? I'm just the head fucking tech - I get to clean up everybody's shit is all. Konan and Itachi are the only teachers in this joint...

There aren't any boundaries to cross, seriously.

So, you know. I'm seriously fucking grateful to you for giving up your dignity rather then burn my nuts off, but...if that was an excuse, you don't need to bother.

And if you're looking to get experienced, well - it really should be with someone who knows what they're doing, right? And someone who can make it real fucking good, too.

Remember, noob. So not your teacher.

Hidan.


To: hidan-techsupport acc. edu

From: sabakut acc. edu

Subject: Re: Re: I had a good time...

WHAT?

I thought we were getting passed this...damn stupid sex obsession you have. I'm not attracted to you Hidan, I don't damn well want to sleep with you alright? You think just because I'm a virgin I must be desperate? Is that it?? I'm perfectly happy to wait I don't need you to take pity on me or whatever it is you think you're doing.

Not to mention you can still get fired for fraternising with students in that way... I mean seriously don't you ever think anything through?

I mean what do you think Kakazu-sensei would do if I forwarded that e-mail to him? God you're lucky I'm not that kind of person.

Temari


To: sabakut acc. edu 'Idiot'

From: hidan-techsupport acc. edu 'Not fooled'

Subject: Re: Re: Re: I had a good time...

Okay, you know what? I WAS TRYING TO BE NICE. But I'm not gonna beat around the fucking bush anymore. I have no idea why the fuck you're still trying on the 'I'm not attracted to you, let's just be friends' bullcrap - it ain't working, noob. Because the other night, when you 'fell' into my lap? You were wearing a fucking DRESS, Temari, and my hand was in my lap.

Which means I copped a handful. Know what that means? I felt how 'UNATTRACTED' you are - capiche? Don't fucking joke around. Man, and I hadn't even made a single move towards you to make you that fucking horny. I must be damn good. Or hot. Or both - whatever.

Let me know when you're out of denial.

Hidan