9. Not Yet

Clarke lounged against a lamppost at the end of the pier, turning her body away from the tourists who pointed their camera up at the Route 66 sign to avoid ending up in the photos. It was not too crowded right now - but the realities of summer with its hordes of visitors would arrive soon enough.

"Clarke?"

She looked up to find Lexa approaching. The thick eyeliner was back and she wore several layers of brown that defied the sun, covering her tattoos and scars. Clarke shoved aside the nerves rumbling in her stomach and pushed herself off the lamppost towards Lexa. This was not a date. There was no reason to be nervous.

"Hi Lexa."

They stood opposite each other for a few seconds then Lexa turned, pointing down the street.

"It's this way."

They walked side by side in silence. Occasionally Clarke glanced across at Lexa's face but it was impenetrable in its neutrality - except that one time, she caught Lexa looking back too.

"Didn't you go grocery shopping on Monday?" she asked as they turned up a street, away from the beach.

"That was for Indra."

"You do Indra's grocery shopping?"

"She doesn't like being around crowds," Lexa said, stepping to the right and pulling open the door to a Whole Foods. She held it for Clarke then walked in after her, picking up a basket.

"Isn't she in the wrong city?"

Lexa shot Clarke a frown of disapproval. "It's different outside. There is always the sky above you for space. She says that being in a big building packed full of people makes her feel like a sardine in a tin. I need twelve eggs."

Clarke turned, finding herself next to a stack of egg boxes, all with 'FREE RANGE' stamped on the outside. She picked out one box, checked inside and placed it in Lexa's basket. Lexa reached out to open the lid again, checking for herself before nodding. Clarke resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"I thought you were vegan."

"Vegetarian. But Titus would not work for me unless the cafe was vegan and Indra said it would help to draw a more niche market. And Costia-" She stopped, turning away from Clarke to pick up a carton of soy milk. When she turned back, her expression was blank again and she didn't continue speaking.

"Does Costia work for you too?"

"Not anymore."

Lexa reached up for a box of cereal, but her basket swung out to knock against them. The tower wobbled and Clarke jumped over, bringing both hands up to either side to steady the pile of boxes. She pulled one of them down and passed it over to Lexa who gave a gentle smile in response. Clarke had never met anyone with such obvious walls going up and coming down before - well, except for herself. Octavia had pointed it out frequently when they had first met.

"That is what is complicated for me," Lexa said, her gaze on the aisle ahead. "Costia."

Clarke's thoughts went back to their very first conversation in the car back to LA, when Lexa had alluded to an ex-girlfriend. She reached out for a lettuce at Lexa's gesture and passed it over.

"What happened?"

"She was my first friend in Los Angeles. I became a vegetarian because of her. She encouraged me to open a cafe, she worked for me. We did well at first as a veggie street stall, then I met Indra. Her family invested so I could open 12 Trees. It was a difficult adjustment, but we drew our audience - until Nia opened Ice Nation."

Lexa's face twisted into a scowl. She swung the basket around to drop several apples and peaches into it, apparently not worried about them bruising.

"Our profits plummeted. It was so hot last summer - everyone wanted ice cream. There were times - I wasn't sure if we'd have to close. We argued." Lexa sighed, resting her basket on top of a stack of tins and glancing over at Clarke, her lips downturned. Clarke stepped close, trying to tell Lexa with her eyes that it was safe to keep talking. She could trust her. "I argued with her too much. I thought I was going to lose Indra's family's money. Then one day Nia walked in to say that she'd persuaded Costia to jump the sinking ship and work for her instead. She'd offered her double the salary."

"And Costia went? She left you?" Clarke asked, her brows furrowing in consternation.

"She left. She still works there. And now-" Lexa barked out a bitter laugh, lifting her basket up again and dropping a tin on top of the fruit. "Now we are up against Ice Nation in the competition."

"Do you think you can beat them?"

"I will. I turned everything around when Costia left. Without her there as a distraction, I found the problems and fixed them. They will not win this competition. 12 Trees will win."

There was not a glimmer of doubt in Lexa. A spark of hard determination shone from her eyes - burying layers of pain. Again, it felt like looking into a mirror. Clarke could recognise that stubbornness a mile off.

"Let me know if I can help. If you need any extra hands - I can drag my friends in."

Lexa gave another of her small smiles. "Thank you Clarke." Her fingers brushed against Clarke's arm, raising goosebumps, but she just picked up a packet of sugar. "So what is your complication? The boy who left you on a mountain?"

"Yes. Him."
"I do not understand what is complicated. He left you on a mountain."

Clarke smiled despite herself. "He did. But I didn't give him much of a choice. And he apologised. He's a nice guy really."

"I would not forgive someone for leaving me on a mountain. Not unless I also left them on a mountain. An eye for an eye."

This time Clarke did laugh aloud at the image of Finn staring at her open-mouthed as she drove off, leaving him behind. She couldn't imagine him coping well alone in a forest.

"Finn is-"

"Clarke?"

Clarke jumped, grabbing Lexa's arm as she spun. Finn stood on the other side of the aisle, confusion painting his face and a box of cookies in one hand. His eyes darted between Clarke and Lexa as he approached.

"What are you doing here? You… you didn't reply to my letter."

Clarke released Lexa and crossed her arms over her chest, edging back as he leaned in.

"I was thinking."

"I delivered it two days ago."

Clarke could see Lexa's eyes narrow as she worked out who this was. Part of her wanted to step to the side so Lexa wouldn't overhear the conversation - but a bigger part of her felt safer somehow, with Lexa glaring at Finn by her side.

"Is there a time limit?" she asked, her chin rising.

His big eyes stared back at her in confusion, lips slightly parted. "I don't understand. I know why you were upset. I fixed it. So what's wrong?"

Lexa's mouth opened and Clarke stepped on the edge of her foot lightly to stop her. She lowered her voice before speaking again.

"I thought I could trust you, Finn."

"You can!"

"You lied to me."

He sighed, shaking his head. "Not technically, I just-"

"Yes you did," Clarke snapped, her patience withering. "You didn't tell me the whole truth when you knew how important it was that I could trust you."

"You can't compare me to Wells," Finn replied. Clarke's fists clenched at her sides. "Not telling you something that didn't even matter is nothing like getting your dad chucked in jail-"

Clarke's temper snapped. She shoved Finn in the chest with both hands and he stumbled back, dropping the tin with a clang and prompting gasps and mutters from other shoppers.

"Go away Finn," Clarke growled, taking another step forward.

He gaped at her like a goldfish, not moving. She turned on one heel and walked in the opposite direction. At least this time she could get away from him easier. She tried to remember his jokes and playfulness and shook her head in disgust. He had fooled her once… and now almost twice. And it was her own damn fault for letting herself imagine she could trust him. She stopped next to the exit and turned, searching for Lexa while also checking that Finn wasn't following. She didn't want to walk away from Lexa again - even though more of her failed love life had now been revealed, thanks to Finn's big mouth.

Lexa stood in a short line by one of the tills, looking straight over. She nodded in acknowledgement then stepped forward to bag up the groceries and pay. Clarke waited, sliding behind a tower of tissues to hide herself from view of the main shop. When Lexa approached with two bags in her arms, Clarke wasted no time in stepping back into the sunshine.

"More complications?" Lexa asked.

"Something like that," Clarke muttered, reaching out for one of the bags. Lexa hesitated, then lowered her arm to let her take one. "I just…" She turned to face Lexa, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. "Finn was the first person I went on a date with since Wells. And you heard why that ended. I can't deal with more dates right now. Not yet."

Lexa nodded slowly. "I understand, Clarke. I am sorry for what they did to you. Trust is so much harder when someone has shattered your faith in them."

Their eyes met and Clarke knew that Lexa was not just saying words she thought would help. She truly did understand. She had lost Costia in a moment of betrayal, just like Clarke had lost Wells. She knew how difficult it was to open up.

Maybe, eventually, they could go on a real date. But not now. Not yet.


I think I got the characterisation better in this :) It's quite hard in the texts between them, but I think drowning myself in Clexa videos of them talking to each other while writing this chapter helped.