Sorry about the wait...I wish I could say it won't happen again but I hate lying...sorry. :P If you answered the questions last chapter follow the instructions after the chapter to get your one shot. If you didn't and you would like a one shot you can answer them now. :)
Songs for this chapter:
Ordinary by Thousand
Monster by Skillet (I don't own the chapter name I stole it from the song)
Alec blinked. Apparently he'd fallen asleep while keeping watch over Jace.
He realized Jace was awake and was staring at him.
"What the hell am I doing here?"
"You were gonna do something you'd regret."
"Funny thing is that when you say that it's normally when I would have had the most fun."
"Jace you were gonna ummm..."do it"...with Kaylie."
"I was what?!"
"Yeah."
"Next time I want to kill you I'll remember this and only want to mame you instead." Jace said gratefully, his voice sounded a bit off and Alec knew his brother was not feeling wonderful to say the least.
"Can I get you something?"
"A new life? A time machine?" he responded bitterly.
"Sorry fresh out..." Alec could hardly stand the pain in Jace's voice. "I can get you some coffee though. Or something to eat."
Jace paled at the mention of food and moaned.
"Jace?"
"Get me a pot."
It took Alec a moment to process this and he got back just in time to keep his couch him getting vomited on.
...
I'd almost...oh dear God I owed Alec more than I could ever repay him! Kaylie...Oh dear God. I had flirted with her a bit what seemed like a lifetime ago. Then as much as I hated to admit it she'd kinda been my girl friend...it was after Sarah...yeah...I'd known her before, then after I needed a distraction. She'd been convenient and willing...but it didn't work. I couldn't be distracted. I was distant, I couldn't be what she thought I should be, hell I could hardly eat with out Alec and Izzy coaxing me bite by bite. I remembered weeks where I wouldn't leave me room Alec all but force feeding me and Izzy bringing me new of the outside world I hadn't wanted to live. I'd wanted to curl up and die the only reason I'd even tried being with Kaylie was I thought a distraction could maybe numb the pain a little. At first it did...somewhat. She was more than happy to "help me though my time on need" but instead of getting better like I was told I should "with time" I was getting worse. It was it grew harder to pretend that anything was even slightly worthwhile to me anymore. She got tired of taking care of me -not that she ever really did in the first place. One Friday night she'd shown her true colors.
"Come on Jace!" she'd winned.
"Not in the mood Kaylie." She wanted to go to some new club...I wanted to stay home and feel sorry for myself.
"Fine then. If you want to be in bed." she tugged slightly at her already too low shirt. A thought popped into my head...while it felt more like it was whispered to me...by my sister...but that's just crazy, right?
'She disgusting. You're better than this.'
"Kaylie my sister died a month ago today."
"And one as what to do with the other?" she asked as if it shouldn't even matter.
I opened my mouth to say something and closed it again shocked into silence.
"I've tried to be patient Jace! But come on! It's been a month!"
I heard a door slam then. Alec was at work and Max was out with his parents, I'd thought Izz was at a friends house but I'd been wrong. The past month had been hard on Alec and Isabelle...not just me. She'd also been sitting in her room suffering alone. But when she heard what Kaylie said she lost it. I was glad she did...Izzy could hit a girl; I couldn't. Actually I now wondered who had brought Kaylie...there was no way Izz had invited her. Then Alec's voice snapped me out off my thoughts.
He was saying something about food...my stomach was not at all happy about that.
"Alec get a pot." I forced out, knowing I wouldn't be able to make it too the bathroom in time even with Alec's help.
He made in just barely in time. I was vaguely aware of Alec gagging as I vomited violently. "Sorry about that." I mumbled knowing I wasn't done.
He silently handed me a glass of water to rise the taste out of my mouth which I gladly did.
"Let me dump that." he offered. I knew he couldn't stand people pucking and that this was just another case of my stupid brother putting himself through hell for me. I could also tell by the way he kept rubbing his neck that he had a headache...it was probably bad too. The stupid idiot! He needed to be resting not taking care of me. The moron. This wouldn't be the first time he'd worried himself sick. I knew better the to try to convince him to take care of himself, and as I was now there wasn't much I could do. It didn't really matter anyway because I knew there was only one person who he let care for him when he was like this. I'd just have to make sure he got to Magnus before he made himself collapse. Why couldn't he see that I wasn't worth this?
"I'll do it." I said trying to stand but feeling a wave of dizziness over take me instead.
"You need to stay put." he grabbed my arm and kept me on my feet.
"I'm gonna puke again." I said clutching my stomach.
"Hell Jace, what did you do? Drink everything at that stupid party?" he complained as he helped me stand and lead me to the bathroom.
An hour later I was laying in bed...Alec's bed. I wasn't really sure how I'd gotten here to be honest but I seemed to have stopped puking so that was good.
"Feeling any better?" Alec asked from the chair he'd apparently pulled in here so he could keep an eye on me. I think he was afraid I might try to ...well I wasn't quite sure...he always said I lived as if I wanted to die and I think right now he was more worried than ever. Maybe he had good reason to be...I was pretty sure that at the moment I wasn't anywhere close to being sane. I'm not sure if knowing that was a good sign or a bad one...
"Do you have to work today?" Alec asked. I shook my head and groaned as I realized I had a pounding headache.
Alec nodded "Good, you wouldn't be able to anyway. You're staying here today then. Unless of course you want to go home and have Izz look after you." he added before I could protest. We both know she would make me soup...or what she claimed was soup. I had my doubts...maybe she really was trying to kill me with that stuff. It would make more sense than her really being that bad of a cook did.
"Fine fine." I muttered not at all in the mood to talk but Alec had other things in mind.
"How not okay are you?"
"What?" what the hell kind of question was that?
He sighed. "I would ask if you were okay but I know you'd say you were and I don't really feel like being lied to right now if you don't mind."
I would have smacked him...but smacking required moving and I didn't really feel like doing that.
I thought of what I'd done to Clary last...I was about to say something when Alec's doorbell started ringing. We both knew without a doubt who it was.
"Make her stop!" I groaned, the noise was NOT helping my head in the least and I doubted it was helping his either.
Alec nodded and soon instead of incessant ringing I had to put up with a over worried sister. I was surprised though, instead of her normal annoying and very often loud self she was quite, almost gentle...okay honestly this was even more annoying than normal Izzy...but it hurt my head less than normal Izzy and I felt I needed to look on the bright side - at least till I realized brightness only made my head hurt more...my thoughts were jumbled and rambling so I tried to focus on Izzy instead.
"Hey...how're you feeling?"
"Like crap."
She nodded. "You'll feel better if you apologize."
How the hell did she know anything about what happened last night?
"I've heard a lot of cures for hangovers Izz but I've never heard that one before." I answered as if I didn't know what she meant.
"Come on Jace...I saw your face when you didn't know where she was...I saw your face when you saw her dancing with other guys. I'm not stupid. It's okay to like someone, don't screw this up by being your big headed self."
This was rich coming from Izz of all people. But I didn't point that out. That would just lead to them pointing out all the things wrong with me and I didn't want to waste five hours of my life like that thank you very much.
Alec met Jace's eyes for a moment. "You have to eat."
"I'd rather not."
"I'd rather be a unicorn...but I'm not." Isabelle replied matter of factly.
Alec nodded "And with those words of wisdom...or insanity...I'm going to go pick up some food for us. Isabelle will take care of you till I get back."
I opened my mouth to protest but closed it promptly when Alec said, "Or I can stay with you and our darling sister can cook for us."
Alec ducked out of the room with a quiet laugh as a pillow came flying at his head.
Once Alec was gone Isabelle sat on the edge of the bed.
"What happened Jace?"
...
Now that Alec was gone Isabelle couldn't hold herself back any longer. She hugged her brother.
"You're an doit." she told him brushing the hair back from his face.
"I though a party was a good idea...I didn't think you'd try to drink yourself to death."
"I wasn't...I was...never mind. I'm fine Izz. Stop worrying."
"Jace...I know you miss her. We all do. We'll never stop missing her. She was our sister as much as yours!"
It annoyed her that Jace acted like he was the only one who had been affected by his sister's death.
"Sarah would hate me now..." he muttered.
"I somehow doubt that."
"What do you know about it? Oh that's right. You're a unicorn. You know everything with your magical unicorn powers right?"
"I said I wanted to be a unicorn Jace. Not that I was one." she sounded so indignant that Jace had to laugh at her.
She smiled slightly in spite of her self.
"Come on...tell me what happened."
Normally if Jace was going to talk to anyone it would be Alec...but right now with her hair loose around her face, slightly wavy from having been washed and not yet straightened, not wearing any makeup (she had hurried over as soon as she woke up and realized Jace wasn't home, she'd not even bothered with showering until she got to Alec's and made sure Jace was okay) she reminded him of his other sister...maybe he was simply losing it...but with her hair down the way Sarah used to wear her's and more importantly her eyes wide with love and concern for her brother he had to think of the times after their mother had died, after...after his life had fallen apart for the first time.
He was 11 sitting in his room, only it wouldn't be his much longer. Like everything else he was losing this too.
He heard the door open and pulled the covers over his head not wanting to look at his sister.
"You can't hide forever Jace."
She said sitting on the bed much the same way Isabelle was now.
"I can try."
She sighed and pulled the covers away from his face.
"Come on Jace, you can trust me. Tell me everything. Maybe I can help."
"Jace. Try to trust me. Maybe I can help." Isabelle said as if echoing the memory of his other sister. He know Sarah had likely said the same thing to her many times...everyone trusted Sarah with their problems she had just been one of those people.
Maybe it was because he was so hungover but he found himself telling his sister what he'd done...how he had hurt the only girl he'd ever cared about...how he didn't even know why he cared about her, he'd just met her after all. Much to his horror he even told her how he hadn't meant say those things. How it scared him when he did things like that, like he wasn't even controlling his own body. To his shock she listened quietly and didn't interrupt once. When he was done she hugged him.
"Jace...when you lose it like that...can you tell when it's going to happen?"
He shrugged, "Sometimes...I know I can keep it from happening at work and things like that...but other then that...I have no clue how to stop it Izz..."
She nodded. "It's going to be okay Jace. I promise."
"Aren't you afraid of me now?" he had to ask...wouldn't they think of him as a monster if they knew how he lost control?
"No. I'm not. I'm afraid of losing another sibling though...Jace if you ever think you might hurt yourself...if you need someone to talk to or just to be with you...please tell me. You know Alec and I would do anything for you right? Help us help you. Please Jace?" she never showed her feelings like this but then Jace never admitted to fear either and he he'd just told her he was scared of himself.
Jace didn't say anything. He couldn't. If he spoke he might cry and he had been taught never to cry.
"Maybe you should talk to someone?" she suggested knowing that while it might help there was no chance he would do it. He was too stupid and stubborn. She knew she wouldn't do it and they were very much alike, it was why they fought so often.
"I'm talking to you."
"You what I mean Jace..."
"They'd lock me up...I can't tell anyone...I shouldn't have told you...but I trust you...maybe too much for your own good..."
"They wouldn't Jace. But I know...I wouldn't be able talk to anyone like that either...there's only two people I trust enough."
Jace started at her unable to believe that he could be one of those people.
"You stupid. You and Alec. Promise me you'll tell one of us when you feel like that. Please Jace...If you won't I'll have to tell mom...Please Jace. I just want you to be safe."
He nodded. "I promise Izz. I swear I'll tell you when I feel like that."
She hugged him again so tightly it hurt but he didn't mind. "I love you Jace. Don't think you can get away from us that easily. We're not letting you go."
It took everything he had not to cry. Instead him returned the hug which he knew was almost as bad as crying and whispered thank you.
"You should sleep now. I'll be right here though. I promise."
He nodded, he was suddenly very tired. But he didn't want to sleep he didn't want to leave his sister...he took her hand, she smiled at him.
"I'm right here. I promise. I'm not leaving."
"You really don't want to run away?"
"I really don't, and I really won't. Not ever Jace."
...
Jace had fallen asleep holding his sister's hand and woken to find her still sitting with him talking quitly with Alec.
"You told him."
They both nodded.
"I'm sorry Jace...I had to..."
Alec sat next to him. "Don't kill her. And don't worry Jace...I've known about this...for a while...I didn't know it was this bad...but I trust you. More than you trust yourself."
"Maybe you're wrong."
"I'm not. Now eat." Alec said firmly, handing him a plate of takeout he'd picked up while Jace was sleeping.
After they ate Alec glanced at his phone; Magnus wanted to know what time he was coming over... he wasn't sure he should leave Jace though...
"Alec what's wrong?" Jace asked seeing the look on his face.
"Nothing."
Jace looked at Isabelle was who looking him waiting for the order. He nodded and she shot across the room and grabbed Alec's phone handing it to Jace.
"Go. Now. You have a headache Alec and don't try to deny it. Let him take care of you. Please?"
Isabelle nodded, she didn't know how Jace could tell Alec had a headache...it was as if they could read each others minds...but she could tell from Alec's face that Jace was right.
"Go. I'll stay with him." she turned to Jace and don't you dare protest. I want to stay with you. There's nothing to do at home anyway."
"You're sure?" Alec hesitated.
"Yes. Go." they both answered together.
...
Magnus head Alec knock and knew how badly his baby was doing. Alec had a key and could let himself in whenever he felt like it. He only knocked when he was feeling especially bad about himself. When he felt like he didn't deserve to have a key, when he was unsure of whether of not he was wanted here.
"Alexander." he said softly as he opened the door. "You don't have to knock precious."
Alec simply sighed and brought up one hand to rub his temple.
"Oh Alexander." he breathed pushing Alec back against the wall. He had his hands against Alec's chest and he could feel his heartbeat speed up at his touch. But instead of smiling like he normally would have he sighed again
"Magnus...my head hurts."
Magnus knew Alec often got headaches from stress and wouldn't say anything about them till they were full blown migraines. He could tell this one was a bad one from the way he didn't even protest, or claim to be okay when he said, "Oh sweetie...let me make it better baby."
He only smiled weakly and muttered "please."
"Let's get you to bed beautiful." he whispered not even caring that his wonderful plans for the night were ruined.
"Magnus...I'm sorry." he whispered. He knew Magnus hadn't counted on spending his night caring for a sick boyfriend.
"Don't be silly. The only reason I'm upset is I hate the way you put yourself through this. How long have had this one Alec?"
"...Three days..."
Magnus guided him to his bed and waited while he got comfortable.
"Did you take anything yet?"
Alec shook his head and winced at the pain caused by the motion.
"I'll be right back sweetie."
Alec had been trying his best to be strong, to put up with the pain...but he simply couldn't take anymore. Magnus knew this. This wasn't the first time he'd taken care of Alec for something that could have been much less severe if only the boy would ask for help in the first place!
"Here sit up and take this." he handed him two excedrin migraine tablets, and a cup of something.
Alec obeyed and smiled in thanks when he saw Magnus had made him tea or he called it a magic potion.
"It pays to date the high warlock of Brooklyn huh?" Magnus teased gently.
Alec rolled his eyes but gratefully took the tea a special calming blend of herbs and crap that Alec didnt really understand, what he did understand was that Magnus had invited it just for him. He felt a bit better just being here but his head was still throbbing, it felt like little knives were being dug into his temples and slowly twisted, the pain radiated out to his hold head especially behind his eyes.
"I wish I could just take my head off..." he mumbled.
"I've got a better a idea." he slipped behind Alec and sat so that he was leaning against the wall and Alec could lean against him.
"Relax for me Blue Eyes."
Sometimes all the pet names got on Alec's nerves but at times like this they were strangely comforting.
"Jace needs me..." but he didn't think he could move right now, Magnus rubbing his shoulders was just too soothing.
"Jace needs you to be able to function. He's a butthead but he doesn't want you suffering for him."
Alec tried to say something but Magnus put a hand gently over his mouth.
"Hush my pretty. Jace texted me. He asked me to make sure you okay."
"Jace did that?" Alec was touched that his brother cared about him enough to do that. Jace didn't like Magnus and Alec knew it, it would have taken a lot for him to text him and tell him Alec needed help that he couldn't give.
"He didn't know you were coming anyway... now why would you not have told him that?"
"I didn't want him to think he had to leave...I..."
Magnus nodded, he thought as much..."Hush now baby. It's okay to be okay."
"I'm scared for him. What if he...what if he does something stupid...? What would I do without him?" Jace was more than just his brother and his best friend, he wasn't sure how he would have survived high school without him and he still needed him.
"It's going to be okay Alexander. I promise. You're both going to be okay." his mind was whirling, to help Alec he had to help Jace, Clary was the key to helping Jace...but how?
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1) The world you would like it to be set in (from the book, from this story)
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