Before Adrien knew it, it was September, school had started, and Adrien had adjusted well to her new lifestyle. Adam would stop by often during the student's recess hour, and eat lunch with her. Their friendship was growing stronger, and it was only at night now that Adam thought of the way they were back east. They went out to dinner once every week, and every Saturday, Adam would come and they'd discuss poetry together or they'd talk about the novels they were currently reading, often they'd sit and drink coffee while Adrien graded papers, and every Sunday they'd ride down to the lake and back. Her students gave her a great amount of respect, and the overall grade point averages were already higher than the school had had in 10 years. The school board was already offering her a contract for two more years.
"I guess you're planning on sticking around for a while." Adam said as he read over the contract lying on her desk.
"If you'll notice I haven't signed it yet." She replied.
"Why not? It's good pay, and things are going exceptionally well for you here. What's the hold up?"
" I don't know; I'm just being hesitant for some reason."
"What reason do you have to be hesitant?" Adam asked.
"We don't have time for me to name them all."
"Really, what is it? Your father, the ranch?" He asked.
"Adam, think, I'm almost 20, and I'm doing a girl's job."
"You don't realize what you're handling, we've had women with 20 years of experience that couldn't last a day. I'll tell you now Adrien, we didn't think you'd last at first, but we contracted you for a year just so we'd have a steady teacher for once, but you've lasted a month, and with barely any problem. You're amazing, Adrien." She gave him a hard look. "That wasn't what was bothering you, was it?"
"No, but thanks for the compliments."
"Well, they're true, but really what's bothering you?"
"It's nothing really." Adam looked upon her with concern. He saw it now. She really had changed. He had never realized it before, but of course, it was all there. How could he have not seen it before? She was no longer the cheerful, intelligent, outgoing beauty that made most young men fall head over heels for her. She was almost the opposite. She was shy and sad. All at once, Adam began to miss the old Adrien. It hurt him to see her this way. He wished he could change her back, but how? Or was the glimmer in her eyes lost forever? He looked at her, but he did not know her anymore.
"Adrien, what can I do, how can I help?"
"It's nothing Adam, just let me be."
"Adrien, don't think that what you're doing is pointless. You don't know what it was like before you got here, but the rest of us know all to well. I don't know what you're doing but you need to continue, but if you don't see a joy in teaching then this isn't where you need to be."
"Adam, it's not that I don't love teaching, I know that this is a s far as I go. No one is going to court the schoolteacher, especially one this old. I have no place to go in life. I just hate knowing that at 20 I'm finished."
"Adrien, you aren't finished, do you realize what you've accomplished, not only here but in your hometown, and back east. Don't tell me that you think you're finished when there's so much more you can do. And if I were you, I wouldn't worry about anyone courting you when you have a school to run. And I don't see how you would expect anyone too since you never go into town without me, and half the time you just send me to get your supplies for you, men aren't just going to line up at your door waiting for someone they've barely even seen."
"I know, Adam, I know. It's just depressing to know that everyone else my age is already married and a baby on the way."
"Adrien, so what if everyone else is marrying off, I count it as a blessing not being married. I'm not tied to anyone or anything, I will admit it is lonely sometimes, but in a way I'm glad we didn't marry back then, I've got too much running around left to do, I'd make a horrible husband like this."
"But we'd travel together, Adam, when I loved you, I would have given the world for you, I would have followed you anywhere."
"Would you still?"
"If I still loved you, I would." She answered.
"Why don't you love me anymore?" He had to know.
"I can't love any one anymore."
"And why not?"
"It hurts too much." She turned away from him
"Love doesn't always hurt." Adam said, turning her back towards him.
"It does for me."
"Adrien, you confuse me, you want to move on in life, but you're afraid to love someone. How can you expect to have one without the other?"
"I don't know; I don't want to live through being left again."
"How do you know you'll be left?" he asked.
"I've been left before…twice before."
"Adrien, I didn't leave you, I was lied to, I wouldn't have left you if I'd of known what was really going on." Adam replied.
" I know that now, but it doesn't change how much it hurt then."
"Adrien, I'm sorry, you don't know how sorry I am, but do you realize how much it hurt to think that you had just been leading me on, and that you waited till the last minute to crush me." Adam admitted, "I thought you were heartless, but I couldn't hate you, I just couldn't hate you, no matter how much I wanted to. It hurt to love you…"
"Then why was it so hard to hate me?" She asked.
"Because when I remembered your smile, the sun on your hair, your easygoing laugh, your grace and beauty as you performed, the way you looked so noble as you sang Rebecca to sleep, and the light…that spark in…that spark in your eyes when we kissed. I couldn't hate that, it hurt to think of you, but I still could smile and think beyond the pain. But now, I remember those things and it hurts worse."
"Why? You know what really happened." Adrien asked, turning the tables.
"I do, but I can't stand to see you heartbroken, now I think of those things and I wish you could be like that again, you're right Adrien you have changed, but it's not for the better. I just wish I knew how to change you back." Adam pleaded.
"Adam, I'm sorry, you know I'm not usually like this, but I can't help it, this wasn't the life I wanted, but it's the one I'm stuck with, so I might as well sign that contract. It's not like I'm going any place else."
"No, don't," Adam replied, "I want the board to add something first."
"Like what?"
"Just a little clause."
"And what would this little clause say?"
"It's just that we can't penalize you if you decide that for some justifiable reason you'd like to leave."
"It's fine with me, I don't really care."
"You may have to give up the annual pay raise."
"That doesn't matter, I told you I didn't care." Adrien repeated.
"I know what you said, but are you happy now."
"That wasn't what I was getting at." Adrien lamented.
"Then what were you…?"
"I didn't think I'd have to spell it out, Adam, I'm almost 20, I'm not married, no one's courting me, or even trying to…"
"The reason no one's trying to is because you never give anyone a chance." Adam reminded her.
"I'm in town all the time, no one talks to me, not a single man has made an advance since I got here."
"That's because you go into town, drop off your supply order at the store, go strait to the telegraph office, pick up your mail, read it in the café, where you sit in the corner, and hide until you've written your replies to the letters, and figured out how to answer the telegrams, then you go back to the telegraph office, give them your replies, mail your letters, pick up your order, and go home. You don't give anyone a chance to speak to you."
Adam was right.
"I guess you're right, but I don't understand why this place never has anything social to do, that's where I usually meet people."
"Well, it's getting more into fall, so there'll be more stuff to do. Why do you want to meet someone so bad anyway, I thought you didn't know how to love someone anymore."
"I'm hoping someone can teach me." She told him.
"Like who?" Adam asked.
"I don't know, I'll find someone." She answered, sitting back down at her desk.
"But you aren't looking, do you expect someone to show up on your door step?"
"Maybe someone will."
"Maybe someone already has."
"You don't give up, do you?" She asked.
"I'll never give up, not when I can remember what we once had."
" Adam, things are different now, I've changed … we've changed."
"People change, Adrien, that's life, most people learn to work through each other's changes. That's how relationships last. How do you expect to have a life with anyone if you don't' expect them to change." Adam tried to convince her.
"When you see someone change overtime it's easier, but just suddenly finding out, it's different, it's hard to accept, you know that."
" I do now." Adrien replied, he was right again.
"But you learn to work through it, that's what people do, Adrien."
"And people also do some very horrible despicable things, that does nothing, but hurt the people they supposedly cared about."
"Not the people who truly care about you."
"I can't remember the last time someone who truly cared about me didn't hurt me."
"I never did." Adam reminded her.
" Yes, you did. You left me, you believed someone you knew hated you." Adrien retorted.
" I was too hurt to think, I didn't want to believe it, I'm sorry I did, I was wrong, I never meant to hurt you Adrien. I thought we've already gone through this."
"I'm sorry, Adam, I don't know where my head is today."
"It's alright, I'm beginning to understand." He took her hand in his.
"I'm sorry I never meant to bring all this back to light."
"It's alright." There was something in his voice that soothed her.
" You better go; it's almost time to resume class." She said feeling better.
"I know." He picked up the contract and put it in his inside jacket pocket. "I'll get this fixed for you."
"Remember, it was your idea, make sure they know that."
"I will." Adam headed for the door.
"Adam," Adrien called back.
"Yes, Adrien," He answered turning around.
"Can I ask you something?"
"You can ask me anything."
"Why do you stick around?"
"Why wouldn't I?" he countered.
"Well. I've put you through hell since I've gotten here, I've completely rejected you twice today."
"Adrien, I know where you're coming from, sometimes it's hard for me to understand, and sometimes my feelings cloud my thinking, I just have to put them behind me, I thought I had."
"You did, until I came here." She replied
"Let's not worry about it now."
"Alright." He opened the door to leave, but hesitated.
"Hey, Adrien, are you busy Thursday night?"
"No, why?"
"Just wondering. Hey, I'll meet you at your place, Thursday okay."
" I guess." She answered." See you then."
"Bye." He left the building, and rode away, while Adrien finished grading papers.
God, why does he have to be this way, she thought, he's still so wonderful, he acts like that morning in Boston never happened, Isn't that what I wished for, what I dreamed of? Wasn't it his face I was seeing every time I kissed Gabe? Of course it was. Then, why am I trying to drive him away now?
