I'm glad I managed to shock quite a few of you! XD I was looking forward to this moment when I finally get to follow up on that debate championship hint! The reason I picked Ishida for Renji is because of their "frenemy" chemistry in their battle against Syazel in Las Noches. I remember Ishida giving Renji shit for not using his brain and always using the same brute-force attack over and over again even though it kept failing. I just love their incessant bickering throughout that battle.
That said, given that this is a GrimmIchi story, I won't be spending much time on Renji and Ishida. No worries, I will throw in some subtle explanation on what happens to them in the end, but in the meantime, it's all GrimmIchi! :)
Warnings: Angst, drama, and wasted pizza.
Here goes...
Ichigo sat up abruptly at the sound of a doorbell. He blinked, suddenly uncertain of his surroundings, then it slowly came back; he had been studying — trying to, anyway — but he must've somehow dozed off. He was confused for a second, unsure if the doorbell was real or part of his dream, and then his eyes fell on the glowing lock screen of his iPhone.
Of course — he had just changed the notification tone for text messages to the doorbell sound, and he was still getting used to it. Chuckling at his own silliness, he reached out to grab his phone.
Grimmjow: Coming over in 10.
Ichigo smiled. They hadn't had much time for each other in the past week. Through unspoken agreement, Grimmjow and Ichigo never showed up at the hospital to visit Renji at the same time. They'd never explicitly talked about it, but both knew that they wouldn't be able to act naturally around the redhead in such an environment. Hanging out for lunch, playing video games, a little bit of soccer here and there — those were different. Being in a small, quiet room with just the three of them — that's too intimate for now.
Before he knew it, he heard the real doorbell, and he jogged downstairs to greet the boy he'd been waiting for. Grimmjow was wearing a plain, grey v-neck t-shirt that hugged his toned figure in all the right places, his style simple but no less attractive in Ichigo's eyes. His well-worn black jeans sat low on his hips, and his hands were currently buried deep inside those pockets.
Ichigo's grin faltered a little when Grimmjow seemed to hesitate before stepping inside, but he figured today was one of those days. Renji's accident sat on their conscience even though Ichigo's logical mind told him that it was not their fault. Would this incident been avoided if he wasn't seeing Grimmjow secretly? He didn't think so, but it didn't make him feel any less guilty.
Ichigo was not alarmed when Grimmjow was silent all the way to his bedroom, but when the boy was still as stiff and quiet when he brushed up against his lips, Ichigo began to worry.
"What's wrong?" he asked, pulling his head back but keeping his hands wrapped loosely around Grimmjow's waist.
Grimmjow looked like he had just swallowed a whole pineapple and was about to puke it out.
"What?" Ichigo was panicking now. He had never seen Grimmjow like that before, and he just asked about the first thing that came to his mind, "Is Renji okay? Did something happen to him?"
Grimmjow closed his eyes for second, then, just as Ichigo was about to shake him, he said, "We can't do this anymore."
Ichigo felt like he'd just been shot. His hands fell limp and he took a step back. He wasbeyond stunned — out of everything he'd been running through his mind, this was one that never occurred to him. He stared at Grimmjow and blinked, and then he blinked some more, just to make sure that Grimmjow wasn't joking. There was no trace of humor in those baby blue eyes, just a sense of helplessness and regret — which was exactly what Ichigo was feeling right now.
"W-what?"
Grimmjow sucked in a deep breath, and then exhaled. "I...I can't do this anymore, Ichigo." He licked his lips, but his eyes never left Ichigo's face. "I can't do this when I know he wants you..."
Ichigo fought the urge to scream. "What about me? I don't want him! I wantyou! Doesn't that count for something?" he asked as calmly as he could, but his breathing had gotten out of control, his chest heaving like he was close to having a panic attack. "Let's just tell him about us! It's not too late to tell him!"
"I...I can't t-take what's his," Grimmjow croaked, his voice finally breaking. His jaw was tense, and he still looked like he had a pineapple in his throat, but his eyes — Ichigo could see the helplessness dissipating. The regret was still there, but there was an air of finality in there.
Breathing harshly through his mouth, Ichigo closed his eyes to collect himself, and then he lost it. "I'm not some kind of object that you can give to someone, Grimmjow!" Ichigo yelled, not caring that he was spitting into Grimmjow's face.
Grimmjow flinched slightly, but he didn't back down, didn't even reply. That, to Ichigo, was the last straw. Gritting his teeth, he reached out and grabbed the front of Grimmjow's t-shirt and shook him. To add insult to injury, Grimmjow let him. His broad frame jerked in time with Ichigo's violent movements, his eyes never leaving Ichigo's eyes. The glint of regret was there, but he was just letting Ichigo manhandle him like he no longer cared about his own pride. Ichigo's chest seized up; it hurt, it really did. Ichigo could deal with a screaming, raging Grimmjow., but this — this unmoving, silent creature in front of him, he could barely recognize it. Grimmjow had shut him out, drawing a line between them that he could not break. That line was called Renji.
"You coward!" Ichigo screamed. "You're a selfish coward!" How could Grimmjow do this to him? To them? Was Renji so important to Grimmjow that he would rather sacrifice his own happiness, and Ichigo's happiness, for him?
But even as Ichigo screamed, he knew inside that it was too late. They should've talked about this before it came to this, he should've pushed harder for them to talk to Renji before the pressure and guilt got to them and broke them.
Grimmjow stared at the furious teenager in front of him and clenched his teeth. His ears were taking everything in — coward, selfish, useless, pussy. Ichigo was truly on a rampage now, throwing out words that even he hadn't used before. He relaxed his body and let the slimmer boy shake him. If this would help soothe Ichigo's anger, he would happily oblige even though it really hurt.
"I thought you were a braver, tougher man but it looks like I'm wrong!" Ichigo was saying.
Grimmjow felt his hackles rise, but he fought them down. Ichigo was right after all. Still, the words hurt, and he couldn't help but tighten his fists. Couldn't the idiot tell that this was even more difficult for him? Did Ichigo think that he wanted this to happen?
He never should've given in, he should've had more self control and not let his own selfishness lead him to betray his one true friend who was practically his brother. He never should've let his guard down. God, he wanted nothing more than to pounce on Ichigo and take him right there and then, but couldn't Ichigo see that he couldn't do this anymore? Why did Ichigo have to tempt him like this? Even now, as he was red in the face and trembling with anger, Ichigo looked just as alluring—
Suddenly, he heard someone laughing. Grimmjow cracked open his eyes — when did he close them? — and looked at Ichigo in confusion. Then he realized that one of his arms was raised in front of him, his hand balled tightly into a fist. Somehow, while he was battling his inner demons, his body must've unconsciously responded to the raging war between his urge to pull Ichigo back into his arms and his urge to push him away. Now, it simply looked like he wanted to hit the boy. With a start, he realized that that must be what Ichigo was thinking.
"No, wait—" Grimmjow started to say, but he was cut off by more laughter. Then, before he could explain himself further, the laughter abruptly stopped, and he found himself staring into a pair of narrowed brown eyes.
"Get out," Ichigo whispered.
Despite the boiling rage on Ichigo's face, Grimmjow saw the disappointment and disbelief in the boy's eyes. That hurt even more than words ever could, and he wanted to explain, wanted to tell Ichigo that he would never hurt him like this. Then it dawned on him that he had already hurt Ichigo by walking away. Despite his promise to himself that he would never hurt the boy, he had.
Why did he always end up doing something worse by trying to do something right? Why was he so good at breaking things?
He should leave, leave now before he made things worse. Grimmjow turned around and ran down the stairs and onto the street.
Grimmjow barely made it; he reached the toilet just in time. He retched, spilling his breakfast into the toilet. He had barely eaten since leaving the hospital last night, though; soon there was nothing left to throw up, and he started dry heaving.
He'd done it — he'd cut his ties with Ichigo, he was not betraying Renji's trust anymore. In the back of his mind, he knew he already had, but he told himself that at least he hadstopped. He should be feeling much better now, his conscience should be clearer now. So why wasn't it?
His mind must've shut down not long after that, because when Grimmjow opened his eyes again, his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth, and the sour aftertaste of vomit was so strong that he gagged. He staggered to his feet and dragged himself to the shower, turning the water on full blast without bothering to take his clothes off. His t-shirt clung to his body as it became soaked in the steaming hot water; it felt so good on his stiff, aching muscles.
Slowly, he stripped off his clothes and flung them onto the tiled floor, not caring that he was making a mess. He rested his forehead on the wall and willed himself to relax. What's done was done; he had fucked up royally. He didn't know if he would ever be able to act the same in front of Renji again, and he sure as hell did not have any form of friendship left with Ichigo. He'd first wronged one by caring about the other, and then proceeded to wrong the latter by caring about the former. Now, instead of hurting one person, he'd hurt two.
He was rinsing soap off his body when he heard loud, insistent knocking. He turned off the shower and listened. There it was again — someone was knocking on his front door like they wanted to break it down. It was probably Renji forgetting his key again.
Grimmjow's head throbbed. He was definitely not ready to see Renji right now — trusting, innocent Renji who had no clue that he'd been stabbed in the back. But what choice did he have?
"Coming," he groused, hastily throwing a towel around his waist. His hair was soaking wet and crafting rivers down his body, but he ignored it and trudged grudgingly to the front door and yanked it open.
When the door opened and Grimmjow appeared, everything that had been on the tip of Ichigo's tongue withered up and died. His well-rehearsed speech disintegrated at the sight of the dripping wet, half-naked man of his dreams standing in front of him.
Ichigo had thought long and hard before coming here. He was hurt and angry that Grimmjow had chosen Renji over him, but after calming down, he finally realized that screaming obscenities had not been the right way to go. He would be extremely stupid to simply let Grimmjow walk away like this.
No, they were going to be the adults they were and talk through this shit.
Now, looking at Grimmjow's haggard appearance, Ichigo suddenly remembered everything he'd said to Grimmjow — all those hurtful things that he'd said out of spite, all those names that he'd call him…
"I'm sorry," Ichigo blurted. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm—"
Before he could finish his rambling apology, he was suddenly crushed against a hot, wet chest. He could feel Grimmjow's heartbeat, the pulse strong but increasing in pace. The iron grip around him was so tight it almost hurt, but he wouldn't have it any other way.
"Grimm," he mumbled. This was good, this was a good start.
"No, I'm sorry." Grimmjow's low rumble seemed to vibrate through his chest, and Ichigo pulled the boy closer, pressing their bodies together.
Ichigo tilted his head up to make up for their two-inch height difference and tugged on Grimmjow's lower lip, bringing him into a kiss. A growl sounded from the back of Grimmjow's throat as he slid his tongue between Ichigo's lips, hungrily savoring the mouth that he thought he'd never taste again. His hands slowly glided from Ichigo's back down along the boy's sides, his hips, and then they settled on Ichigo's butt.
Ichigo sighed when he felt Grimmjow's large, warm hands caressed him through his pants. He wanted to say "stop, we gotta talk", but his body scoffed at the idea. So he simply smiled against Grimmjow's lips and ground himself against the towel. Grimmjow groaned under his breath and reached behind Ichigo to lock the door.
Half-walking, half-stumbling, they somehow managed to make their way to the couch in Grimmjow's living room. Ichigo shoved the taller boy into the seat and climbed onto his lap. He licked along Grimmjow's lips, and then moved to his neck, licking and nipping along the sensitive skin there until he reached the junction between the neck and shoulder. He paused briefly to leave a bite, drawing a startled hiss from Grimmjow, then he continued, sliding off Grimmjow's lap, teasing and laving with his tongue. Grimmjow tasted strongly of soap, but Ichigo didn't care. He went on, placing soft kisses over the broad, well-toned chest, over the ridges on the taut abdomen. Fingers began to tangle in his hair, and he could hear Grimmjow's breath getting harsher, quicker. He felt the muscles tense under his tongue as he went lower and lower. He came to the towel and started fumbling with the hastily formed knot. He peeled it open, creating just enough space for him to reach in and touch the burning hot skin underneath.
"Ah," Grimmjow gasped, sounding almost surprised.
Ichigo smirked and lowered his head. He blew on the tip, teasing Grimmjow and successfully wringing a groan from the teen, and then just as he was opening his mouth, the grip on his hair tightened abruptly. He yelped out loud in pain, his hand flying up to pry Grimmjow's fingers away. And then he realized that Grimmjow had frozen, his eyes wide open and staring at something right behind Ichigo. Swallowing nervously, Ichigo turned.
Renji was standing at the door, one arm raised with a large pizza box resting on his palm, the other hand, which was still clutching a bunch of keys, was on the door knob. For the longest time, the three of them simply stared at each other in silence; Renji's eyes flicked from Ichigo's face to Grimmjow's face, and then to Grimmjow's exposed body. The keys dropped to the floor.
Ichigo felt like the bottom of his stomach had given out. The pain in Renji's eyes was obvious even from a distance, Ichigo could only imagine what was going on in the redhead's mind.
"How could you do this to me?" Renji broke the silence, his voice cutting through the air like a knife. He wasn't even looking at Ichigo, his eyes focused only on his best friend.
Grimmjow finally snapped out of his shock and covered himself with the towel. He stood up and opened his mouth. Ichigo would never know what Grimmjow was going to say because Renji was suddenly screaming. The pizza box was flung away and Ichigo caught snippets of swear words through the ear-splitting torrent exploding out of the redhead's mouth, and then he heard, "You wouldn't be standing here if it were not for me!"
It didn't make any sense to Ichigo, but Grimmjow flinched like he had been slapped in the face. He wanted to ask what Renji meant, then thought better of it, and then Renji suddenly stormed towards them looking like he was going to strangle his best friend. Acting on instinct, Ichigo threw himself between the two friends.
"It's my fault! I'm the one who fell for him and dragged him into this! He didn't want to do this but I made him do it!"
Renji stopped in his tracks. He looked stricken, his eyes darting between Grimmjow and Ichigo as if he was trying to decide who he wanted to hit first. And then, just as Ichigo thought he was about to pounce on them both, Renji turned around abruptly and walked stiffly out of the apartment, not even bothering to slam the door shut.
Their worst nightmare had just come true.
To be continued...
I hope I managed to convey Grimmjow's conflicted feelings. Basically, he made the decision to break up with Ichigo, only to realize that was a mistake afterwards. I know I made him very OOC here with his emotions and all, but I promise there's a reason for it. I'm playing on one of Grimmjow's personality traits here, and it will be explained in the next update.
Thank you all for reading!
