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-BecomingScarlett


Chapter 9 - Kismet

Wednesday July 9th

Up until today, this week has been going pretty good, no, really good. Today though, things took a turn for the...weird. Then they got awkward, followed by confused, followed by frustrated, and now I'm just plain mad. Although, to my defense, it's not all for the same reasons. What happened earlier was Jacob-related, and oddly enough, Mom-related, but what's happening now, the reason I'm currently yelling into the phone, is all because of Dad.

"...why is it that I have this feeling you're ignoring my calls, Dad? Because every time I call you, all I get to hear from you is your voicemail message! But guess what? I know you've been talking to Gavin, so why is he more important than me?! You have time to plan some stupid father-daughter camping trip, but you can't even call me back to let me know if you got Gram's an extension on Mom's house?! Where are your priorities right now, Roger, because they're not where they need to be! Oh, and by the way, we need to talk about Mom when you get around to calling me back one of these days, because I have some questions for you. Like, why you left her when I was nine? What really happened, Dad? Grams won't tell me anything. I need to know! Call me back, Dad!"

I jam my thumb into the End button on my cell and throw it across the bed as I let out an angry sigh, that turns into a sob mid-way through. I want to scream into my pillow, then throw them all off the bed to the floor, followed by everything else in the room. But I can't do that. This isn't even my room! And I don't want to upset Grams anymore than I already have. None of this is her fault.

This is probably not making any sense. I should go back and explain...

Yesterday, Zooey came over prepared to help me organize and plan this tag sale for Grams. Of course, Grams was at the Library, so it was just Zooey and I coming up with the plan for set-up the day of the tag sale. Thankfully, I discovered this is exactly Zooey's kind of thing. She is amazingly organized, detail-oriented, full of ideas, and eager to please. Okay, written out like that, it looks a resume, and I'm hiring her for a job...She deserves something way better than a crappy waitressing job at the Diner. I bet she can't wait to get out of this tiny town. Anywho...Zooey is the only reason we got anything productive done that day. She kept us on task, while asking me questions about what I've been up to these past seven years, and filling me in on herself and our 'old friends'. Some of the memories come back to me when Zooey describes them, but some things I just don't seem to recall at all.

At one point, Zooey pulls out an envelope containing some old photos she found of us, elementary school-aged. One was a photo of the two of us, obviously wearing our Sunday best, and standing outside of the church that her Nana and my Grams still attend today. Another photo, this one a group photo, was of our second grade class performing The Wizard of Oz. Apparently, I was Dorothy, but I really don't remember it at all. How can you forget something you'd think would be the highlight of your seven year old life? The latest dated photo Zooey has of us is from Halloween, 1999. We were the Scooby Doo Gang: I was Daphne, Zooey was Velma, her brother was Scooby at only 3 years old, but the two boys who were Shaggy and Fred I didn't even remember. Zooey told me they are her neighbors, Chris and Ian. She is surprised I don't remember them, especially Ian, but I don't. Little Daphne and little Fred, whom Zooey says is Ian, are holding hands though, so I can only guess we had a little crush on each other. How cute. The best part about the whole picture is Zooey's tiny face behind her dad's huge, thick-rimmed black glasses, and her two tiny fingers holding up the peace sign next to her face. She and I laughed for a good five minutes over that part alone.

I'm glad Zooey came over yesterday and we had a chance to catch up. It was fun, and that's why I had to mention it, because things only started getting weird today. This morning, to be exact. I was upstairs in the attic when Jake got here this morning, trying to locate the photo albums Grams promised me were up there. After I let Jake inside, he came up to help me. We got side-tracked, discussing the fact that Mom and Grams obviously have some sort of mini-hoarder-type personality, and Jake warns me I should be careful since I must carry the gene. I tell him he's not very funny, but I can't help laughing a little. It is kind of true. I mean, Mom must have kept every pair of shoe she ever bought in her life, because there are seriously over 150 pairs of dress shoes or more in this house. The shoes are just the beginning, seriously, you dont even want to know about everything else. I had given up hope on finding Mom's long-lost photo albums when Jake and I stumbled upon them, inside of a dust-covered trunk.

"Oh my God, these are them!" I practically yelled in excitement. Jacob asked what I was shrieking about, and I told him I've been looking for these photo albums since last week. I couldn't wait any longer to go through them, so I asked Jake to help me carry the trunk down to my room so I can have a look inside. He didnt need my help, though. He's so strong...Not the point...Jake was curious too, so we both took a break to look at the pictures.

I never told Jake that Grams said Mom dated a boy from La Push when she was a teenager; I thought he might think it was weird. I wasn't expecting that when I finally found the pictures I was looking for, Jake would recognize the man in the photos with my fifteen year old mother. Not only did he recognize him, but...

Jake gasped, "Whoa, weird...that's my dad!"

"What?!" I had squealed, "No way!" I took a closer look, taking in the deep, dark eyes, the prominent nose, the height and the shape of his body, but that's not what convinced me. It was the glint of warmth in his eyes, of humor, of...affection? Something in the way he's smiling with his eyes at the camera that had Jacob written all over it. "He looks likes you. That is so weird."

"So weird," Jacob agreed with an awkward laugh. "Why...what is this?"

I shrugged, looking up at him in a semi-guilty fashion. "Um, I guess my mom and your dad used to date?"

"Did you know that?" Jake had asked.

"No," I shook my head. "Well, I didn't know it was your dad. Grams said Mom spent a lot of time in La Push when she was a teenager, that she was in love, but she didn't recall the name. I never thought for a second it could be your dad."

"She's so much younger than him," Jacob commented, studying my mom's youthful face in the pictures of her and his dad that fill the next few pages of Mom's photo album. "This must have been before he and my mom..." He had trailed off, possibly contemplating the idea that his dad may have cheated on his mom with a young, red-headed girl who looks a lot like me.

"Yeah, I'm sure it was," I assured him, "When did your mom and dad get married? The front of this picture has a date on it. It's the last one of the two of them together..." I slid the picture out of the album to get a better look at the orange printed lettering of the date. "...November 15th, 1984; my mom's seventeenth birthday."

Jake's expression didn't clear up when he answered, "My parents were married in June, 1985. My sisters were born April 28th, 1986."

So, Jake's dad and my mom dated back in the 80's...that's when things went from good to weird, and then continued on to awkward and confusing. My mom was seven years younger than Jake's dad, so that adds another point on the weirdness scale. They were, according to the pictures, seeing each other from the time Mom was fifteen, until her seventeenth birthday. What happened? We dont know. Seven months later though, Jake's dad was married to his mother. I feel bad for my mom, because she was so young and must have had her heart broken, but we don't know the whole story so I shouldn't assume. I also feel bad for Jake, because he's clearly stressing out a little at the thought that his dad may have been somewhat unfaithful to his mom. He didn't cheat on her, because he wasn't married when they were dating, or whatever it is they would've considered their relationship to be, but it is a bit disconcerting.

Anyways, for the rest of the day, Jake and I pretty much avoided the topic altogether, and he focused on carrying big items where I told him to, while I dusted them off with a rag and some polish. It was, sorry if I'm being redundant, weird and awkward! When Grams finally got home at four, it was a relief. Jake and I practically pounced on her at the door, photo album in hand, and a thousand questions spewing out of our mouths like water from a broken dam. Gramma made us give her a moment to collect her thoughts, before she sat us down at the kitchen table and explained to us what she knew of Kat and Billy's relationship.

"Funny how the world works," Gramma had murmured as she viewed the photo album that belonged to my mother. "I hadn't remembered his name...Black, Billy Black. That's why it seemed so familiar when you said Jacob's name to me." I had looked at Jake then, gauging his reaction to this whole situation. He seemed tense, but his eyes softened when he caught me staring. Gram's continued, "Your mom was going through a hard time then, Elyse. Your grandfather left us that year, and we had a divorce. It changed Kathryn. She kept a lot of things hidden from me. In fact, I didn't even know about Billy for almost...a year? About that long. When she did tell me of him, she said they were friends, really good friends, and that was it. But I could see it was more than that. I also didn't know how much older he was until I met him, on her seventeenth birthday. Soon after that, I noticed Kat spending more time at home, always in her room; she wasn't smiling anymore. I heard her crying a few nights, my poor Kathryn, but she was tight-lipped about it. She didn't want me to know she was hurting. She never told me what happened between her and Billy, and she never talked about him again. After she graduated high school, she met Roger, and she put Billy behind her." Grams looked at Jacob thoughtfully, and commented, "And, I bet your dad did the same? Met someone else, your mom, maybe? Got married..."

"Yeah," Jake nodded his head, "He married my mom."

I could see Jake didn't really want to talk about it anymore, and even though I had more questions for Grams, I could ask her later, after Jake left. I got up from the table and hugged Grams, "Thanks for telling us."

"Of course, Elyse," Grams said as she returned my hug.

Jacob thanked her as well, and got up from the table. I followed him to the door, not wanting him to leave yet because things had been weird with us all day. I know it's weird our parents dated, but it's not like they got married; we're not related or anything. He's acting like he just found out he kissed his cousin or something. I wanted him to know he didn't have to feel so weird. Billy dated my mom; so what? Then he married Jake's mom and loved her! He's probably more upset because it reminds him that his mom is dead now. But so is mine. That's why I need to know these things about her, and why Grams is the only one who can tell me them. I led the way outside and sat down on the front porch swing. Jake sat next to me, silent.

"Sorry if this has been a really weird day," I told him. "I just wanted to know more about my mom, and what she was like at my age. I didn't know she was...dating your dad when she was my age." Jacob practically cringed at my words. "You are seriously freaking out about this."

Jake tried to hide his expression, but it was too late, I had seen it. He sighed and admitted, "I know. I just wasn't expecting that. My dad and I are close, and he never told me."

"He probably didn't know how you'd react," I suggested, and then pointed out, "Seeing how you are reacting...I think I understand why he didn't tell you."

"What do you mean?" Jake asked, a slight frown appearing on his face.

I tried to choose my words carefully because I didn't want to make him upset or mad, "I mean, it was a long time ago, and like Grams said, both our parents moved on and married other people. Your dad probably didn't tell you because he didn't want you to think it means he loved your mom any less; because that's not what it means, Jake. My mom obviously thought your dad was somebody pretty special, but that doesn't mean he was right for her."

"Is that what you you think of me too?" Jake asked. I didn't know he was even worried about what this meant for him and me at all. Is there even a him and me? What am I thinking?

"I don't know..." I had replied slowly, suddenly seeing the parallels of my life and my mom's. Would Jake be my Billy? Would he break my heart for his true love? Would I be stuck with a Roger? My dad wasn't my mom's true love; she never found hers. "I don't know, I can't answer that."

"It is what you think," Jake had assumed by my lack of an answer. "That's okay, Elyse. I know you're going home in a few days. You think I'm crazy. I should go."

"What are you talking about?" I demanded, jumping up when he stood from the swing and stepped off the front porch with two steps of his giant legs. "Why would I think you're crazy? I just think you're over-thinking this whole thing about our parents dating."

"No Elyse," Jake turned quickly, caught me off guard, and grabbed me lightly by the shoulders so I wouldn't walk into him. "You don't know, you don't know any of it. I don't know how to-" He stopped talking then, his arms shaking slightly as he gripped my shoulders a little tighter. "I have to go, Elyse. I want to stay; I wish I could explain. I can't."

"You're confusing me Jake," I had told him, my voice giving away that he was really upsetting me with his cryptic words. "Is this about my mom and your dad, or is it something that I said? I don't know-"

Jake cut me off then, swooping in and covering my mouth with his warm lips. He kissed me like he was never going to see me again, and then ran off leaving me to wonder if maybe I won't see him again. When I returned to the house, and went inside, I needed to ask Grams the questions still on my mind: What made Mom marry Roger? Did she really love him? What happened when I was nine? Why don't I remember? Why did my mom go crazy? Grams didn't want to talk about any of it. She got so upset, and I felt guilty that I caused her tears. I went to my room, and that's when I called my dad.

So...that's how this week went from good to weird...and it's only Wednesday. If the rest of the week is going to be like this, I might as well spend it in bed.


Wednesday July 9th

Jacob's POV

When I leave Elyse, I don't know where I'm headed, but I know I have to get away before I lose control of myself. I wouldn't want to hurt her by accident, like Sam did to Emily, even though I don't think I'd lose control like that. It was better for me to just walk away. I have to tell her. I can't stop thinking it, it's like a non-stop mantra in my mind. I know what I have to do, but it's not that simple! And finding out my dad and her mom were...together...in whatever way is just unbelievable to me. How could this happen? How could I imprint on the one girl whose mom once dated my dad?

I hear a high-pitched whistle, almost like a dog call, to my right. I look around, notice that I've been walking down the street on the side of the road this whole time. The one who whistled is sitting inside a Jeep crawling down the road beside me; Leah.

"Did you really think you could use my Jeep, and I wouldn't know? Like I wouldn't smell you on my seat?" Leah demands in a sarcastic tone. I shrug in a nonchalant manner, refusing to reply since she already knows the answers to her questions. "Where've you been, Jake?"

I knew Leah would find out I used to Jeep, but I thought I'd have figured something out by now. I haven't, and I don't know if I'm going to. It seems my only choice is to let Elyse go home without telling her anything. It's better if she doesn't know, because what good is knowing when you can't do anything with it?

"Fine...who's the girl then?" Leah asks after I don't respond to any of her previous questions.

I sigh and grumble, "I don't want to talk about it right now."

"Oh, really? You don't want to talk about it?" Leah laughs mockingly, "Well that's too bad, Jacob Black. You can tell me something, or I'm going to drive to Billy's right now and tell him you're not actually missing. What'll it be?" She quirks her eyebrow.

I throw my hands up in both frustration and defeat, before stomping over to Leah's Jeep and hopping in beside her. I warn, "Just don't go home, I'm not going there."

"Fine, Mister Bossy," Leah says with a roll of her eye. "So...are you gonna tell me what's going on or not?"

"I don't fucking know, Leah," I say as I stare blankly ahead. My mind is too jumbled to think of any way to explain myself out of the mess I've made.

"Found some girl to help you forget about Bella?" Leah spits out Bella's name like it's acid in her mouth.

"Not exactly," I admit.

Leah takes her eyes off the road for a moment to observe me. Then she does a double-take, this time glaring as she accuses, "Wow. No way. You ran away and found your imprint? That's just perfect. Who is she?"

I don't question how she figured it out. I answer, "Elyse."

"Elyse," Leah mimics in a dreamy tone. "Blah, you're just like the rest of them now. Just tell me she's not a baby, like Claire."

"She's sixteen."

"And?" Leah prompts.

"And she lives in Colorado."

"So what does that mean?" Leah asks, nearly growling now that she's growing more and more frustrated with my evading techniques.

"I don't know, Leah," I tell her, equally frustrated. "Her mom just died not even two weeks ago, and she'll be going home early next week. So what does that mean? What am I supposed to do? Because I have no idea."

Leah pulls over on the side of some road and stares ahead for a few moments before stating in an obvious tone, "You have to go home, Jake. You've been sneaking around for almost two weeks. Billy is worried about you. Nobody knows where you are. Except me, and Seth, I presume; although how he kept that hidden from anyone is beyond me. What are you waiting for?"

"I said I don't know!" I yell, wanting to explode. "I'll come home after Elyse leaves."

"Why would you do that?" Leah looks at me like I'm the dumbest person she's ever met. "Okay, first of all, acting like she was never here when she leaves isn't going to change the imprint. It will still be there. It won't be any better than before when you were pining for Bella. Actually, it'll be ten times worse. You'll be wanting and needing and going crazy to see your imprint. You'll be unbearable to be around, and everyone will know anyways. Second of all...I don't know. I think that's enough of a reason to come back now so someone other than me can tell you what you should do!"

"I'm not going, Leah." I shake my head stubbornly. The only advice either Clearwater could suggest to me is to come back to the reservation so somebody other than them can tell me what to do. What if no one can tell me what to do? What if I have to figure this out on my own?

"What is this about?" Leah asks. "Not wanting all of us to find out about her? Or her to find out about us?"

"Both," I admit, "I don't want Elyse to know about this. It'll just hurt her. She told me she doesn't want to get hurt. How can I tell her about the imprint and expect her not to be hurt when she goes home?"

"That's sweet Jake, really," Leah takes note sarcasticaly, "Sickly sweet, actually. I'm gonna throw up...but you still have to tell her. What if she comes back one day and she's married to someone else? And she decides to live here and raise her kids here? How would that feel? Then how would you tell her?"

I'm reminded of the photo album with my dad and Elyse's mom in it. Kathryn...Elyse looks like her in a lot of ways. My dad was so young, and he looked really happy. It made me feel sick. Because all I could think was: if the Cold Ones were here when Dad was young, and he phased...who would he have imprinted on? Would it have been Mom? Or would it have been Kathryn?

"I gotta go," I announce to Leah, before throwing open the passenger side door, ripping off my shirt, and running into the woods.


Thursday July 10th

Elyse POV

"...So you're telling me that your mom and his dad used to be an item?" Zooey asks after I explain everything that happened yesterday. Well, everything except my minor freak-out afterwards...

"Uh-huh," I nod, still disbelieving it myself.

"And now you and Jacob are-"

I cut her off, "Not an item. We're not...we're just friends. We're...sort of."

Zooey giggles and says, "Whatever you say, Elyse. Whatever you say." She smirks in a knowing way, before continuing to label bins for small items; a technique she showed me that is sure to keep the tag sale neat while clearly labeling prices. She's thought of everything. "You want to know what I think?"

"I don't know, do I?" I ask cautiously.

"I'd call it kismet," She says, the word foreign to me and sounding almost dirty in her mouth. "The way your parents connected, but it didn't work out for them. It wasn't meant for them. It was only a way to connect you to Jacob; so that someday you two would meet. Definitely kismet."

"What's kismet?" I repeat the word quietly.

"Kismet," Zooey says one last time, like I might recognize it suddenly and know what she's talking about. When I still don't, she shrugs, "Fate. Destiny. However you want to call it."

I ponder over her words. Ava said the same thing, although her reasoning was a little less...sophisticated. And last night, Gramma said something along the same lines. Why does it have to be fate, though? Why can't it just be...I don't know! Why would fate cause me to meet Jacob if I can't be with him? He lives in La Push, I live in Colorado. That doesn't sound like fate to me. It sounds like a recipe for disaster.

"I don't really know if I believe in fate anymore."

Zooey points out, "Just because you don't believe doesn't mean it isn't happening."

"Honestly Zooey, if this is fate, whoever gave it to me must not like me very much..." I pout, wanting very much to see Jacob right now. I have a feeling he'd make me feel better. I'm still worried he's mad at me or something, and he isn't going to call or come over again.

"Well, I believe fate always works itself out in the end."

I used to believe that too. But how does that explanation work for my mother?


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Next Chapter: Will Jacob finally go home?