A/N: (Feel free to skip my useless rambling) And we're back to the posting schedule! I'll say it again, in case any of you forgot, this fic is posted every Monday/Thursday, in other words bi-weekly. I try to update in the morning, which will be before 9 AM, (US Pacific time) but I don't always get around to it, so sometimes it will end up being posted in the evening or late afternoon. It will never get posted later than 10 PM. All that aside, here's a new chapter, which, I'm sorry to say, doesn't really compensate for the chapter before it, you guys will just have to wait. Ehehehe...
Reviews would be appreciated! (If you find a typo or continuity error, feel free to correct me in a review, I don't mind)
9
Pretend
Alex's insides were flipping inside out, her stomach in her throat, her heart in her mouth as she felt Matt's cool lips press to her forehead. She wanted to be like this forever. In his arms, she felt safe, she felt loved, and she felt special. He somehow, even though she wasn't really sure if he actually cared about her romantically (no, of course he didn't! Stop it, Alex!), she knew he would be an excellent friend in whatever was to come in her crazy life. Not that she was really content with that, but she really doubted he'd leave Daisy to be with her. She was broken, old, and had nothing to offer him but a shredded heart and a daughter who desperately needed a father.
She felt his arms encircle her once more, and her head rested on his chest. Her eyes closed, and here she was happy again. Maybe if she kept her eyes closed then she could pretend that he was hers, she could forget that Daisy was somewhere in the club, watching, she could forget Karen and Arthur and just suppose, just for a moment, that she could be happy and she could have all she ever wanted. Because Matt was all she ever wanted. He'd make a wonderful father, and she realized that he'd make a wonderful husband too...maybe he'd be permanent. She wasn't willing to risk actualizing her dream, but there wasn't too much of a risk to fantasizing for a moment, was there?
Her heart was thumping to the beat of no, no, no, as the song wound down. These small moments had been some of the best moments she'd had in a long time, and she wasn't willing to give them up so easily, but Matt was already pulling away. Of course, he'd want to spend the time with Daisy, he'd indulged her enough.
She opened her eyes and looked up at him, making an effort to smile that she hoped wasn't visible. He smiled back and squeezed her hand, "Thanks for the indulging me, Kingston."
She chuckled, oh how little he knew, "No, thank you, Smith." She at him, and he smiled, putting a gentle hand on the small of her back and leading her back to the table. She sat and dared not look at Daisy, she couldn't. She felt like a kid who'd gotten caught with her hand inside a tempting cookie jar, even though Matt had said she had okay'd it, Alex still wasn't sure. Daisy gave Matt and her a grin that was somehow a bit off,
"Have fun, guys?"
Matt smiled and nodded, "We did."
She smiled and took his hand. Alex expected her to kiss him or something, claim him as hers, but she didn't, she simply gave him that same off-kilter smile and returned her eyes to her drink, taking a sip.
Karen and Arthur sat down a few minutes later, breathless. Arthur looked chuffed, seeing as he'd actually mastered the macerana, something which nobody had really thought he'd had the coordination to do.
"Can we go home now?" Arthur asked after taking a sip of his drink.
"No!" Karen actually looked offended, "It's barely past midnight, Arthur," She paused and put on a dramatic voice, "The lights a roaming, the night is young, stay with me and dance and drink and be merry!"
There was a collective silence around the table.
Alex pushed the shot of tequila in Arthur's direction, "You're going to need that." She said, seriously.
Arthur blinked, "Dare I ask what THAT is?" He took a drink anyway.
"Tequila." Matt supplied before Alex could say anything.
Arthur choked on it, "Tequi-what?"
Alex laughed, "It'll help, trust me. A couple of those and you won't even want to go home."
"And I might end up snogging Karen." He deadpanned.
Alex rolled her eyes, "Do you guys have to bring that up every time?"
"Yes." Arthur replied shortly.
There was silence around the table as everyone sipped on their drinks. Alex noticed that Daisy seemed a little on edge. She didn't sit as close to Matt as she normally did and while she had very good command of what expressions she decided to let through on her face… her eyes seemed a bit distant and pinched somehow. Alex shifted uncomfortably in her chair. Had the dancing really been okay? She really didn't want to be on Daisy's bad side…at all, because that would probably make things difficult for Matt and she didn't want that either.
She tuned back in on the conversation at the mention of her name, "Matt and Alex danced." Daisy was saying.
She blinked, when had the conversation gotten on to that?
Karen giggled, "I know!"
"Karen, don't get one of your god-awful ideas…please." Matt interrupted, "It was a dance."
"And a kiss!" At that exclamation from Karen, Arthur choked on his tequila again.
"-Darling-" Alex interjected, trying to break off where she knew this was going as she took Arthur's glass from him and motherly patted him on the back. Daisy raised Arthur's arm over his head.
"On the forehead!" Matt exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. "Is that bad?"
"No…it's good, very good." Karen replied, smiling at him and taking a demure sip of her drink as Arthur continued to sputter. He finally swallowed correctly with a whack to the table, his eyes watering.
"You alright?" Karen asked in a calm, collecting, and faux-concerned manner.
Arthur rolled his eyes, "I'm fine, no thanks to you."
"You'd think you literally came here to kill him by the look on his face." Daisy said, laughing and earning a positively lethal scowl from Arthur.
"Hey, choking on tequila is painful." Arthur whined.
Alex rubbed his back and then condescendingly patted his head, "Aww, you poor wee thing."
He simply crossed his arms and pouted. "I think you should put Kaz in time out."
"I agree." Matt replied in the exact same tone.
Karen's eyes widened in annoyance, "Oi!"
Alex rolled her eyes, "I refuse to mother you all. Now, cheer up and drink your tequila." She said to Arthur, giving him his drink back. "Daisy and I might as well leave you alone and go and have a night to ourselves, seeing as we're the only adults at this table!"
"I think that's a wonderful idea." Daisy replied seriously.
Arthur scooted back, "You can NOT leave me alone with these two!" He said, his tone theatrical and dramatic.
Alex patted his head again, "You'll live."
"Are you sure?" Karen said with a wicked grin.
"Mm, yes. Because if you don't, I will never, ever, ever, ever let you use my pink fluffy blanket again." Alex said in satisfaction. "Ever." Karen gasped in horror as Alex turned to Matt, "And you'll never see that Dalek teacup again, young man."
"But-"
"No." Alex said, lifting up her hands. "That's final. Now play nice." She crossed her arms as the table fell into a comfortable silence again. She fiddled with her napkin, thinking about Matt's earlier comment. The dance had meant nothing, then, she was sure of it. The kiss on the forehead was a gesture of…of…she didn't even know. What she did know was that all those sparks, that feeling, everything about that had been imagined. She chewed on her lip and stared out at the street. Taxis were lined up like a string of pearls, winding their way down the road, the clouds hung low and heavy on this quiet Cardiff night, and it was a good scene to stare at. Melancholy. Yes. That was it. Melancholy. Because it was matching her defeated feelings at this moment. She was trying not to be too surprised or disappointed. Who did she think she was? Matt Smith was not going to fall in love with her. She was a friend, maybe even an acquaintance, and he'd danced with her out of pity. He'd danced with her because she was alone, and pathetic, and he wanted to be nice. What had all of that been, then? Had she really been imagining everything over the past few weeks? Everything? She wasn't sure what hurt more, the fact that Matt didn't feel anything for her, the fact that she'd been so desperate she'd pretended the whole thing, or the fact that she still loved him so much she couldn't breathe, much less let go.
She felt a tears spring to her eyes and stood, "Excuse me." She walked off to the bathroom, wrapping her arms around herself, feeling sick and trying not to cry.
